Turi Ryder's "She Said What?" Podcast: Recent Episodes
Shebops Productions
Turi Ryder, author of “She Said What? (A Life on the Air)” has hosted her own radio shows in LA, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Portland. She gives advice, which you probably should not take, and tells stories, which you probably should not believe.
Marci Persky spent years reporting and editing for UPI and other news organizations. She's worked in radio news and as a talk show host, for stations from her hometown of Kalamazoo Michicgan and her second home, Chicago. Marci now lives in Arizona, somewhere near the Grand Canyon, where she helps run an animal shelter, a political organization, and a hospice-supporting thrift store. Clearly, she likes to run things.
Marci's I-pad demands a blood sacrifice. A business admits it's wrong. Two podcasters—2 problems—let's trade. The wandering shipment. Dead sidewalk rat update, with a spider in exchange.
Turi has a middle class housewife problem. It includes breakage….LOTS of breakage. Marci attempts to retrain a cat. So far, not successful. There will be blood.
Odd mysterious pile appears in Marci's studio. The week when you decide to get everything done. A visit to the old highschool. How hard did you hit that car? (A safe way to tell from a distance). Predicting when someone will yell at you.
Learning the "on hold" music by heart. Don't call me "ma'am". We are not the training department. Marci's shrinking head vs. your old underwear. Missing payphone/outhouses. How to find a safety pin, and Marci's old chapstick. The desperate move of the "purse dump." Thrifting from the sidewalk.
We get advice from old[er] people. Marci tackles the Grand Canyon. Risks, and how to benefit from other people's reckless behavior. Explosive cyclospora euphemisms. Fuzzy things are not always cute. The flying squirrels (or are they chipmunks) of the Grand Canyon.
Forest fire air. How to spot faux Italian cooking (and a restaurant that served it). The wandering kosher turkey. The non-miracle of kosher salt. IMAX in Arizona without A/C. Whoops, wrong lettuce or cheering for good poops.
Strategies for keeping your adult children from moving back in, including cinder block. Daddy long legs, worms, centipedes, and axolotyl lizards, oh my. How to delete a recurring nightmare from your consciousness.
More reasons to lie to your spouse. Religion can save you from household drudgery. Marci contemplates blood in IMAX. An ample obsequious Alexa in every room. Education, Home Depot, and the baked potato.
"BCE"—before cellphones existed. Nice people make Turi look bad. When your spouse manipulates to make you manipulative. The non-shocking shock collar. The eternal conversation between mothers of kids behaving badly. When you are still punk. The unexpected sea chanty.
Marci's personal "Burning Man" is causing her to reevaluate mountain living. What you can watch with a TV antenna. Turi's long, garlicky, painful busride: lessons learned.
Marci is looking for safety as Arizona burns, and she may need to pick up a couple of hundred cats. There are the realistically phobic people, and the nut jobs and paranoics. You can find out who is who on social media.Turi is cautioned never to watch Game of Thrones. Fireworks in a hazard zone. Pickpocketing—a national sport. Fear of mascots.
The longer something has not been working, the better you feel when you find out you didn't break it. A room full of sports writers, and a moment of silence.
Rattlesnakes are all over Marci's neighborhood. There's a plan for that. Disgusting things you probably never thought dogs could do. Disgusting things you probably never thought pigs could do.
Marci demonstrates the unusual value and properties of childproof caps, smartphones, and Skin-So-Soft. That friend who sends you articles about woo-woo faux science, and one of the hocus pocus queens leaves for an alternate dimension. Or maybe just leaves.
Marci has been caring for a toddler…a toddler who thinks diaper training is a game. We've all been there, and some of us (including even ourselves and perhaps some famous people) don't seem to have fully solved the problem.
It takes a rabbit to catch Marci's dog. New rural neighbors with loud radios and a backhoe. Choosing pets and husbands for looks, or, the every-six-year haircut. Audio books are NOT efficient (don't believe anyone who tells you "I get so much done…") No use for "Catcher in the Rye." More use for "Lord of the Flie." Marci likes "Justice Judy."
The two-hour drive for the 5 minute appointment. Peter Pan vs the computer or, who is the grown up here? Robin Byrd interviewed Ron Jeremy a million years ago—when nobody waxed. Hygene for furniture.
Marci yields to a highway (Route 66) full of hotrods, but the vibe is a little to sultry. How to apologize to old people. Birds that hang on your chest, and the women who love them. The "I'll finish it later" problem.
Turi is assigned homework. To be more accurate—bathroom work. Doctors you should not marry. The out-of-context in-person meeting, or "I know I know you…." What you eat when you are too hungry. Rummaging through your kitchen cupboard late at night.
Marci finds an unused liquid in her bathroom cabinet…and decides to try it. Turi is assigned the collection of an entirely different fluid.
A business' web site tells you exactly what it thinks of its competition…and possibly you.
Fun navigating in and negotiating with your city bureaucracy (extra points if your city is Oakland, CA.) Don't touch my tree. How do you know if you're being asked for a bribe? Wedding madness: Marci's youngest plans her event-which involves demolishing Marci's property. The semi-permanent sidewalk art in a trendy Chicago neighborhood: a dessicated rat.
When was the last time someone asked you for a bribe? How do you know? The City of Oakland, California vs The City of Chicago. Marci's daughter's wedding plans. Dead rats on the sidewalk vs redwood trees upending the sidewalk.
Sometimes you wish there were an explanation for your difficult week—but the planets and stars are not it. Somehow, the glasses are your fault. The primary school valentine for the kid you didn't like. The hazard of "don't you know who I am?" Things (famous) people should have learned about Zoom. Marci wears the wrong shirt to appear on national TV. And Elvis…is still dead.
Marci does something many of you would never, ever do—and now she is in pain. Nature is arguably bad. The Midwest vs. California, or the open bar vs the vegetable platter. (When we say hide the sausage, we mean it.)
Marci's neighboring mountain is in flames (nobody is hurt) with extremely inconvenient results. Wildlife hits the ground. The blended worm. Biology you've forgotten. What not to have outside your expensive store. The "Most Oblivious Partner" contest announcement (and why we're holding one.)
New ideas for getting rid of toxic waste, purchasing furniture, or possibly removing unwanted house guests. How to entertain your children, recklessly. Mummies make great babysitters. Not the British kind, the dead kind.
Whenever you plan a trip….there's that news story. Switchbacks to Sedona. The Hell's Angels go shopping. Swedish biker fish. Escape of the hounds.
That's not what you thought you were eating. What's in your underwear? Admit you're too old for that. Insulting a house for sale online. How to die in the bathtub. Rebuilding Elvis' house at your house, or how to mangle 150 year old mansion. The Jungle Room in Reno.
Five days, one missing phone. Paying ransom. If aliens abduct your partner… Falling back in love with the dollar store. A lifetime supply is a terrifying thing. The artist's vaccine, and poisoned manicotti. Ma'am, are these your goats?
When everything goes wrong on your birthday, is that karma? Three dogs, three ways to ruin your life. One solution to missing out on a promotion: poison your colleague. Can you take your dog's drugs?
Getting back on the horse—really. Revelations about Marci's past. The dog that hates your partner. The fancy birthday dinner that takes you back to your childhood…in a not great way. How much did you pay for that drink? Scary restaurant mascots. Steak.
Grandbabysitting, and what the space age diaper change. Exhaustion vs insomnia. The boomer iPhone case. Your bra as a weapon. The eye exam or "get that optician off my lawn." Happy birthday to us.
Have you ever heard friends describe their perfect holiday and thought "that sounds like hell"? This is what that sounds like. And, extra expensive holiday food that is purposely awful.
The last pre-Passover sprint. Travelling a little too light, and a little too late. The emotional support worm.
The list of things we're not talking about. School lunch failures. A dog flies out the window, and a bunny takes blame. The new refrigerator challenge. Shopping for Passover at 7,000 feet. Somebody loves matzah, and we know who it is. Making a living with toilet seat art. Whither the giant rat?
Marci has been on a quest for corned beef. Things you remember about St. Patrick's Days gone by…plus nausea, vomit, and one really bad date. The Gene Simmons waffle maker, and other mysterious promotional products.
Taylor Sheridan creates (again and again) bimbos in bikinis. Marci's lost and found. The Oscars' swag bag has coupons. You don't want them.
An accidental waste of time. The wrong line at Costco. No faith in multitasking. Porn on the job. Call Triple A. Google paranoia. Who counts ants? The pet lizard and the wrong roach.
The revolving foster dog. When your friends send you fiction they think is fact. How to know it's not news. Using the BBC as Valium. How to find the right podcast.
Badass cat. Almost broken enough. How the Chinese will take over America. Hint: you have one next to your bed. Working from home ideas: develop your own kink website. YouTube vs Only Fans.
Dammit. That was supposed to make your life easier. Who dares to put his stuff in your closet? Can you live on what's in your pantry?
When you had to turn the car around as a disciplinary technique. What the algorithm feeds you, or how your favorite celebrity would look if s/he weren't dead. Confession: beauty products your loved ones are not allowed to use.
Do men communicate psychically? The BAFTA Awards show, the TV guy with tourette's, (John Davidson)—in which we actually try (and fail) to tackle a serious topic. Are Michael B Jordan and Delroy Lindo owed an apology? The eggshell moment.
When beauty goes wrong—the eyebrow edition. When dirt is fun, and appliances are exciting. The Hefty Bag suitcase or…how many socks are you wearing?
Be careful how you file things—accuracy can hurt you. When the budget airline decides to go upmarket, and it's made its living on cheapskates, how does that fly? Turi hears from customer service….sort of.
The list of jobs you can do if you can't use your right hand is small. If you're Marci, it's miniscule. But we try… Recapping all the old jobs you never thought a person could have. "Sons of Anarchy" are ruining Marci's life.
Any number of strange animals may walk down your street. That doesn't mean they should. Marci triumphs over the worm farm. Love of lizards, and a trip to the vet.
When you name inanimate objects. Dog logic. Another new brassiere, and a drawer full of old ones. Chappell Roan's Grammy outfit. Kim Kardashian's new underwear. Melinda French Gates, Bill Gates, and the Epstein files.
Pajamas all day. Dirty books of years gone by, are surprisingly sexy, old TV….not so much. Coyotes—real and cartoon. Birthday party tchotchkes. We love Canada. Too much good news for Marci.
Snow can teach you a lot about your neighbors…but you probably already knew it. The hippies next door. Undercover as yourself.
A proven (almost) method for ridding Marci's house of the cattle invasion.
Update on the honey-do list—Marci has a sink for people who like to bust a move.
Marci is hinting at a few things she'd like done around the place. Turi learns the truth about that thing on the kitchen counter. What's in that fancy cookie tin? Hint: not cookies. Date night for Marci, and nobody has to go to jail.
Reprising the behavior of every verifiably insane dog Marci has ever owned. The cows are back, with a new target of destruction. Family photos—the hot potatoes of our time. Renaming solves everything.
Men are from name brand. Women are from generic. Marci's husband's medicine—a technique that sticks. An object from the past mysteriously appears at Marci's house. Fightin' words: you looked so cute in that old photo.
Flying tuna salad, courtesy of the foster dog. We interrupt this football game. A small household task. Want to give away those old drugs?
Marci's Christmas Season job has left her ill...or maybe it was the cookies. That's enough peppermint bark. The Kosher Trader Joe's Facebook Page Christmas fracas. What you (don't) get for Valentines Day. When you have a lot of extra booze.
No peace, no quiet, no recording. Neither Marci nor Turi is especially nice at Christmas, except when working the Polar Express. Turi speaks ill of the dead. Celebrity sightings, boobs and all. Sympathy for the chronically late.
Marci's dog is sexist. Turi's foster dog is oversexed. Someone who has a body part should be able to identify that part. A chatbot could do a better job of convincing you...of anything. Trivial (or lazy?) Amazon deliveries. How pets learn to eat disgusting things.
Pets will change your wardrobe. Training day for puppies. Bathroom rituals you would rather not know about. Subtle grooming hints. Parts of your body that need extra attention these days.
Turi has an anxiety attack watching a children's movie. Marci cannot reassure her. She also has to think of ways to indicate the word "Santa" to parents, and she's running out of polite phrases. And if you live in Arizona, watch out for the people who think they're in Indiana.
The dangers of the cone of shame. When you're the one helping, you get to do it your way. Home repair and a heaping pile of profanity. The podcast apology. The holiday office party...who's going, who's hiding.
The just-neutered Jerry Dingus Garcia slips a collar, and Marci skids out of control. The song of the difficult pet owner: "But I LOOOVE HIM". How to know when your spouse has had enough, part 1.
Jerry Dingus Garcia the possible wolfhound is finally….neutered. Are dog drugs the same as people drugs? The life of a shower chair. That chocolate bar seems to be having some unanticipated effects. The stash in the ceiling.
Insight into the body parts that are in sight on the Polar Express in Williams, Arizona. Fact: they are not pretty. Here, have some hand sanitizer. When things are so ugly they are cute, and when they stay ugly.
Marci received a challenge from "Steve in India." The hospital menu you can't order. The Polar Express is running, and Marci has to stare at a few things she'd rather not see.
When you tried to share your sex and relationship wisdom with your offspring (or your parents tried with you) how did that go? We compare notes.
Marci has been in training for her new job. She's learned some surprising things. How to be disappointed in the Grand Canyon (hint-A/I) What kind of a uniform is that? You want us to do WHAT at work? The Holiday Sweater debuts.
When your [holiday] work uniform is a Christmas sweater. The end of sexy lingerie. How did the drug test go? Doggie boot camp.
The axolotl is back home. Your insurance company is laughing at you. Marci blames every bad thing that's happening to her on a moment in a parking lot. Household accidents—catastrophe or karma? Let's blame somebody else. Your formal pickup truck.
When you clean up after your pet, does it involve a mop, baking soda, or a test tube? Too much fostering. Hair trauma. The axolotl is in danger at Marci's house.
Every marital fight turns out to be the same argument. Dog pee. Argument number 732B. Running into stationary objects. The axolotl is a labor of love. Underwater vacuum cleaning. Marci auditions for an unlikely gig.
Who knew you could have so much drama around a little hunk of (fake) cheese? Disgusting foods. Cultural dishes. Guinea pig: Pets or meat?
There are lots of reasons you may find yourself sleeping on your couch. Just ask Marci. The axolotl amphibian is taking over Marci's house. But...know what's worse? Why "whatever" is not "whatever."
Fostering pets is fun...and a hazard to your knees. Attractive merchandise sales pitches from your favorite (or least favorite) political party. Something new allegedly causes autism. Wanna guess what?
The axolotl lizard is settling in at Marci’s...and it rests on bubbles. That’s a neat machine—how does it work? Pets that traumatize your children.
Perhaps some people should not be working. Dangerous doorbells. That’s no apology. Elite pets. When your axolotl lizard is hungry.
Everyone needs an editor, or a shorter religious service. Marci’s mom solves the problem of being a sports fan while attending holiday prayers. A first haircut to remember. Injuries we gave ourselves as kids...but survived.
Domestic requests—list, wait, repeat. A spouse on the roof. Patriotic childproofing. How to know you have lost your maternal mind. Questions you will never have answered: how does this look on me? And “pop goes the what?”
A key three pieces. The things doctors and vets never write. Marci’s dog goes to charm school. If you use it, your partner doesn’t need to give you advice about it. The list of who screwed up what, and what each grievance is worth.
Marci’s music festival anniversary trip to LA had its good points...mostly the bathrooms. What to wear when you’re a really old hippie. Getting adjusted to better hotel rooms. When a restaurant tries to make a meat dish vegetarian. I can see up your skirt. GPS is a marriage killer.
Why do you pick up that little piece of useless plastic at the “giveaway” table??? Marci goes to the Coconino county fair. Babies. Chickens. Walking ventilation ducts. And a Post Malone air freshener with a talent.
Turi’s new job as electronics customer service representative “Steve in India”. Marshmallow confessions, and the end of the little neighborhood zoo. Marci is getting a new pet. Hint: it is not a goat…and it will require a HUGE amount of preparation.
The forgotten anniversary, or “Here. I found this in the freezer.” The risks of open mic nights. Neutering—for dogs or maybe people. The surprise rate increase, and how it could be different.
The person who gives you the best excuse to do (or not do) that thing you wanted to do (or not do) in the first place. The limit of your allergies. Marci’s heat wave. The “not fair” files: Documentaries you have to explain BEFORE you watch them. Plumbing, or weather—choose one.
Is your pet making you accident prone? Marci’s walking into doors, and Turi may have a broken jar. Love. Anniversaries. Two different things. When you promise dinner, but don’t specify the time.
If you think you have problems when you put your sweater on inside out...Marci has it a whole lot worse. A preview for people whose lives and bodies are still spicy. More things are unfair. How to dress your clumsy dog.
Sometimes the universe doesn't operate on a level playing field. What we learned in preschool. Song lyrics that are saving us now. The Thunderbirds at the Chicago Air and Water Show have wrought chaos at Turi's house. Marci admits to liking the Hamburger Helper Hand on her daughter's but...or at least preferring it to the ear guages.
It's a build your own adventure—with water—at Marci’s house. Announcing our new YouTube acronym. How many coolers of ice can you dodge when your refrigerator breaks down? What NOT to say to a prospective landlord: the list has just expanded. Marci’s goat takes revenge, and her husband secretly loses his resolve.
The podcast’s technical hiatus, explained non-technically. The death of the inanimate. Marci spends a day waiting to be chewed out. Thanks for reminding us we don’t have memories. Why Marci became a journalist. Hint: it has nothing to do with journalism. What we bought Jeff Bezos for his wedding.
The multifunction device, and why it sucks...or lights up...or makes music... Corner coaching in Las Vegas, Joe Rogan, and The Liver Man. Marci’s childhood of martini making. The best garage sale find ever. Waiting for a pet you don’t really like to die.
Turi hates being diplomatic. Marci hates spelling errors in major news sites and papers. We hate a lot of meaningless stuff. Sometimes you just have to vent a little spleen…Get off my lawn!
When your whole household is down with an ugly virus, you learn some interesting things about people’s digestions. When DO you need a stair lift? An infomercial with a potentially deadly price. The P-Diddy trial. What not to eat off the ground.
“What kind of people need to pay full price for things?” We are flummoxed. as The Rolling Stones almost sang: You can’t always get [the price] you want. Also why would a person with a boring job but no obligations be afraid to try something s/he might like? Sleeping on the couch.
When you inherit something ugly. Decorating for the fear factor: that thing you hung up in your kids’ room thinking it was “cheerful”. Bathroom art. Shaving…and when to skip it. The Chippendale Dancers and one revolting photo session.
Monsoon season hits, also known as the festival of mud. Mud and Jello wrestling—gone but not forgotten. Why green M&M’s are like broccoli. The meanest mom. You have to pay.
What, exactly, would you need (other than the geneticly provided equipment) to make you, or someone you know, willing to have Elon's baby? Genetic advantages. The worship of sleep.
After a relatively benign first two minutes, we descend into tastelessness, and discuss peeing. Outdoors. Indoors. Do not eat within an hour of listening to this installment of the podcast.
Why people eat things that will kill them (Turi has a tempting moment). A level of hell: calling a tow truck that never comes. What is your dashboard trying to tell you?
For years, Turi has given the wrong story about Marci’s pregnancy. Here’s the wrong story. Why it’s a bad idea to bring certain people to a wedding. The fantasy of becoming a parent. Marci explains why grandchildren are different. The first Haboob (that’s a dust storm, but haboob sounds better). Marci’s very strange adaptive cookware. Changing the channel can be a hazard to your health.
The Marauding Cattle of Marci Persky Road. Who stole the cattle guard [hint: meth involved]? When your addict friend has a deeply held paranoid theory, or, how to put a meth addict to work. When family planning goes awry.
Sometimes, a TV commercial takes you to places you’ve never been—and makes you wish it hadn’t.
Sooner or later, all your unpleasant habits and bad deeds will be known. And we probably did them first. There will be blood—all colors—and other bodily fluids. Goatless.
If you don’t know which you are, your family will find out….after you die. Marci’s mariachi marathon in Mexico.
Things to throw out before you die. Disposing of a marital enhancement. Some people cannot be given financial advice. Does this dog-discouraging spray really taste as bad as it claims (there’s only one way to find out.)
Marci is refusing to learn new technology. It will make a fine epitaph. Resurrection of the Dire Wolf, and Marci’s childhood. Turi’s various categories of hokum.
When the equipment that’s made for old people—is for you. The “dumb phone” solution. Should you warn someone who is about to see a crappy play/movie/concert. Can you date someone when you hate their taste? When “The Song Remains the Same”….and that song…is “Cherry Cherry.” Marci has joined an online community of bots. Working out for a “donut marathon.”
Marci’s Only Fans new computer challenge. Marci’s Law bad day. Pizza that’s too fancy, cake on the floor, and deceptive frosting practices.
Are there really nice people? Prove it. Romper Room and DEI. Fear of puppets and masks. Alarmed by children’s’ TV. The dangers of small household items. Fun with filth. The usual parts of life…with some novelty cucumbers. Celebrate spring at the dump. How to get out of being over-volunteered.
Computer, or cat toy? Marci is planning a birthday escape to Mexico…which last time didn’t go so well. Are “trad wives” really that traditional? “Mission Impossible” meets “Leave it to Beaver.” Diseases you learn about from drug ads. Here. Wear this apron.
Why not “Do your own research” and finds their own “Alternative Facts” weather when the road is closed down? A BIG helping of not-good decision making, with a serving of wishful thinking to follow. Your medical history, on a four inch screen. Marci gets a craving.
Dog training—an Israeli Army approach. How Turi would respond to training…if she were a dog. No crying in your spilled crypto—a news account reinterpreted. Marci worries about the stock market, and makes a decision. Beta-tested babies: the next generation.
A blizzard means semi trucks are strewn across Arizona’s highways, but Marci is safe in her own bathroom…unless anyone else is there. Why would someone run up and down the aisle of an airplane with no clothes on? Where to pee: a tough decision.
When the British Royals decide to junk a (literally) bloody tradition, it give you hope. The DC firings—in inimitable the words of Tina Turner, “We can do this nice and easy….or we can do this nice and rough.” That college you or your kids didn’t get into? You can feel better about it now. Bringing out your inner snob
Feeding your husband dog food for dinner…or is it the other way around? Whoops—did you leave that open? The house sitter attempts a new task. Water everywhere, and the telltale spot.
“Information Addicts Anonymous” is something you may want to join. When you send out a little more “news” than you had planned. Paranoia in the pressroom. Unweighted blankets as romantic deterrents.
Gated communities and “The Sovereigns” of rural Arizona. The post office makes an admission, and accomplishes…nothing. Customer service can only get you so far. Who is the more effective complainer. The “Wife Line”, and an explanation of the unrequested D--- Pic.
When is a microphone like a blind dog? Non-partisan political content that’s mostly schadenfreude. When somebody (erroneously) imagines you are their date. Also, how to figure out that you are on a date. What happens when the stereotype disappears?
Ear pods may end, or save, your marriage. When you go on vacation, you learn a few things about your partner—like which one of you needs to argue with the navigation app. Marci’s dog brings back a trophy.
Turi picks the wrong thing to read. Nobody is sleeping. Small accomplishments. When you need subtitles even though the movie is in English. The wrong underwear, and when not to wear it. When do you wear the RIGHT underwear.
Marci refuses to ask for help, and gets covered with toxic toner. Computer printers are not for kids…say the kids. The thing you should have sold that on E-bay. Turi discovers she has a house full of poison, but is it as dangerous as what Marci found in her bathroom?
The last (we hope) of the puking puppy chronicles. Lambchop the puppet. You will know you are losing your mind by checking out your pantry. Adventures in mailing stuff. The Screen Actors Guild Awards, reviewing the reviewing.
It would be great if we could class up the podcast this week…but unfortunately, we are mostly worried (still) about puking pets, freezing family, and how you get a snow plow on the interstate going 60 miles an hour.
A new feature for the last, ageing chicken in the flock. Marci considers a “divide and conquer” strategy in the Goat vs Dog dilemma. Turi puts the Small Cutie on a hiatus. Yes, you can be sick of your own kid. Teething baby upgrade.
Marci does not want to admit where the puppy—the one her husband was not enthusiastic about getting in the first place, has chosen to eject his mix of chicken and tumbleweed. Yes. Tumbleweed. There’s also been an incident of cat smuggling.
Strange attire for six below, and it’s even stranger at a cemetery. Romance and date night…for the young. High heels on ice. The mystery of the missing Detroit Lions jacket. Take this furnace and get the heck out. Mink Schmink.
Losing your inner editor, or “no, I won’t indemnify you.” Spilling the tea, or “who would I tell” is a very bad idea. What “date night” means when you live on an Arizona mountain in the middle of nowhere. That piece of paper you could have put on your phone, but didn’t.
Turi’s takeaway from watching the “Golden Globes”: who lets people go out of the house wearing a traffic cone? Her husband would. So would Marci’s. Important lesson: If it has spaghetti sauce stains on it, it’s NOT new. The dumbest repeating marital arguments, and how to keep them going. A new rule for eating old food.
How long does it take to chip ice off one entire minivan? Marci’s new heater is missing its owners’ manual. A trip back to the pot-fueled 70’s, courtesy of the junk drawer. What not to drive to a funeral.
Marci remembers with loathing the standard end-of-the-year newsroom assignment. The list of people who died can prove useful. Free AstroTurf, and other social media amusements. The REAL danger of bootleg streaming services is not what you think.
Marci throws some parts away. Turi learns the source of “them apples”, as well as a name for a part she wished she’d never heard of.
It would be great if you got an injury from a non-embarrassing accident, but how often does THAT happen? If you’re going to commit to your argument, it helps if you don’t find out later that you were absolutely wrong. Look! Up in that lifted truck—it’s….a goat. Is that candy, or are you trying to kill someone?
Why DOES Marci make so many trips to the vet? And the boulders she runs over on the way. Leaving your pet to someone as an inheritance. Stolen catalytic converters--bad for your marriage. 3 hours at open mic comedy night with your aspiring comedian (in twenty seconds).
How is your home insurance like a virtual girlfriend? Depends where you live. Marci’s S—storm of Awesomeness Ranch has some problems in the animal husbandry department. Can social media save the day? Can it ever?
The spousal unit is outside canning peppers…because they are a death risk. Marci thought she had a baby and puppy management technique. She is having only 50% success. Movies the scarred your kids for life. The proselytizers who knock on your door: Management techniques and the political upside to solicitors. How EBay and YouTube save you from dementia.
Marci has found the ultimate Karen, but Turi has found a source of endless Karens. The kid has a new job, and the face piercings have to go. The hazards of facial jewelry.
Turi is having a bad day, and now, so is the guy blocking her garage. Marci is working hard at getting the new puppy not to eat…goat poop. Her daughter is about to start a new gig, but is anything real until it happens? Old school radio names: how many Steve St.Jameses can there be?
What does it take for a professional actor to say “I’d like to do this scene with my clothes on.” The puppy gets a name…a tribute to “The Worst [Frank Sinatra] Movie EVER”, according to Marci. A chicken walks into a veterinarian’s office... PS This podcast is rated "explicit" because Turi says "A--" in it more than once.
Marci’s puppy is “mostly” housebroken. Marital discord lesson #764: When to say “OK”. Does it mean you heard someone, or does it mean you’re ignoring someone. Some people (one of us) like time away from their spouses How to train your puppy not to eat goat poop (and why Marci needs to).
In the life of every person raising a baby (or a puppy) there’s that moment of decision: “Do I allow it to sleep with me?” A new puppy. Post-election friendship sorting, with added vocabulary. Turi may end up living under a viaduct. Marci will not. A marriage-saving idea (better than separate bathrooms!) Recalculating…your life.
Zoom is making sure we really ARE working. Marci is “winterizing” high on the mountain. The goats are not amused. Bad omens. A news source (Blockclub) in Chicago investigates a wave of murders…of squirrels. An ingredient list nobody should read.
Your perpetual complaint is noted. The things that are wrong with whatever you’ve bought or borrowed, that you only discover...later. Turi rebels against environmentally responsible products, in a chemical way. How many peanut M&Ms are in the “fun size”? Not enough.
Marci is working her way through bargain-priced Haloween candy. But Turi is working on Election 2024 Getting out the Vote, AND protecting lawn signs at peril of her life, or her sanity. It's our once-in-a-lifetime Election Special. Be civil.
Turi volunteers to “Get Out The Vote”. She would have preferred to “Get out of the car.” When you try not to be a super controlling person…and then give up. “What does it taste like?” and other annoying questions.
Marci prepares for surgery, and her greatest fear is what she’ll say while she’s “under”. Exotic pets, large smelly salamanders, and vicious insects. The rats of Chicago—a memory that refuses to die. The hypocrisy of the bedroom closet.
What to say when someone asks you for your opinion….but doesn't really want it. Chicago rats vs New York Rats, and the places you can find (or avoid) them. Turi has a friend who may win a grudge-holding contest, if they ever hold one.
Extreme Arizona snow, fire, and marauding animials. The dangerous chair and the dislocated breast. Medical nightmare—the real kind. Things you used to think you had a lifetime supply of…and now you don’t. How to break your foot while saving the environment.
Sports regalia: how soon is too soon to stuff you baby into it? Turi tries to "Get out the Vote" during the football game. Filthy bumper stickers, and the people who affix them to their trucks. Backyard camping--did you forget something? What to do with the toilet paper.
Marci takes a new pet to the vet, and ends up in a passel of French tourists. Turi has a bad feeling about the French. Sounds (not the usual ones) of the bathroom, and odd toilet seats we have known. The customer service "stand your ground " principle.
The spouse and his business partner. Marci hits the deck—literally—thanks to the dog. Compulsive hostessing. Sick of your leftovers. Tarantulas are on the march in Arizona. World’s stupidest news story (thanks, “Block Club Chicago” for the winner)—it’s all about bats. Where are the editors when you need them?
Sneaking into places only old people are allowed to go. More about bossy friends. Door décor and dusty candy. Decoy treats. The curse of fruit salad.
Marci has a day off. She spends it with a baby, firearms, and excrement. Turi has a day off. She spends it interrupting people's favorite pastime. Too many executives are tough on a carpool. Bad news on your bumper sticker.
When your day takes an odd twist, and social media is to blame. Old technology Turi and Marci want to keep for the rest of their lives…which makes them think about how long they’ve got. Buying a house with a “family plot” (so far, we have not seen this on “Househunters”.)
Turi's first community college assignment is over, and teaching is even harder than it looks. Marci has yelled at TWO celebrities: Greg Allman and George Carlin—and then worried one of them was trying to poison her. Can you really multitask? Owners’ manuals—Marci’s policy of never looking at them has finally caught up with her.
Turi is a guest on The Mark Thompson Show, with Kim McAllister. Trying to remember people you may have once dated. Did Turi once upon a time spill red wine on a famous person’s white shirt? Looking up Chuck Negron of 3 Dog Night. A big apology to pet owners and parents, because what did Turi know before she had one and was one? Marci’s down to only one dog, and a mass burial.
What does it take to dissolve a “couples’ friendship”? Marci has a much higher tolerance than Turi does…but yet another vacation trip is involved. This one features someone ELSE’S boat.
Duct tape. You need it on every vacation. Do you have the correct paperwork? Marci’s pet cemetery/deep freeze. A spin through the 80’s in Marci’s husband’s not-so-new, not-so-functioning boat.
Bitten, Broken, and Backwards. Both Marci and Turi had the wrong kind of exciting vacations. Marci goes first….
Packing for two different countries, Marci and Turi compare notes about what you can take through customs, and how much hair product you really need in the jungle. He who laughs worst. Wandering hordes of banned house pets.
Marci discloses her inability to follow written directions. The Democratic National Convention is in Chicago. Turi has some coping methods. Chicago Cops. Spousal consent: does it apply to pet adoption, or the continuing saga of the foster dog.
Romantic vs cute. The unexpected text. Marci will measure her vacation thrills (no, not all of them). Marci’s pina colada machine. What went wrong at the post office. Things Turi taught her kids, especially “the complainer”. If you screw up, you will learn.
Exactly what it sounds like—only plural. Marci reveals her research techniques for purchasing only the best—sometimes. Who cares if it works, as long as it's pretty, (Especially if it's on TV)?
Marci starts drinking…but it’s for her health. A husband’s purchase makes sense only to half the podcast. Invitation to the vacation Turi will never take, and Marci unpacks (again). What gets mailed.
The wolf pee question is solved…but then there are other animals. A celebrity death announcement. Another death announcement—this one with made to avoid becoming “fake news.”
Dogfights, prescriptions, vacations. Anything can go wrong. We catch you up…and begin Marci’s pre-travel planning. In her case, that is almost never a good idea.
Do you have “that friend” who insists on talking politics? Turi has made a decision about that friend, while Marci has committed herself to a new philosophy, and bought a tee shirt to prove it. The Olympics are on….but what if you need news? Meanwhile, at the Sh—storm of Awesomeness Ranch, nobody smells very good.
Does your workday involve getting hit by a beer cozy? Or maybe risking death at a hockey rink? How to get rid of unwanted outside-your-house guests, while offering them tasty treats.
Everyone has the same tech question. You can fix it the nice way, or the violent way. We’re going to leave you in the car. The eternal opening of the Olympic games. After effects of break dancing. The aspirational house next door. More of Turi’s tips on how to complain while being only slightly rude. The psychology of catering to vegetarians.
Did you ever walk into the wrong movie theater at a multiplex? The same thing can happen at your house. A new ratings system for film. Ghostwriters and rock stars. The lure of ancient candy, and the end of the jar of jam. PS the really bad 70’s hit that was stuck in Turi’s head was Mouth and MacNeil’s “How Do You Do”.
Marci updates you on her week. You will feel younger when you hear it. Someone asks for "The before picture". Bathing in nail polish. A miracle cure for the coffee-stained outfit.
Not enough pajamas. Top 3 arguments in Turi’s marriage…turn out to all be the same. Fighting in the language of kindergarten. Marci knows nothing about being a mother—according to someone who has been doing it for six whole months. A hole in your house.
Marci has a mishap, and must live with it for the rest of the recording session. How to boil an egg...forty years of knowledge, and a hacky sack. Librarian bulliten board wars, and the Community College Podcasting Class. Broadcast engineers' favorite question, and why they ask it.
What you must clean to run and AirBnB Ways to trick people, and yourself, by imagining things are “fun”. First, a life of deprivation…then the payoff.
A heat wave on the mountain, and all kinds of creeping things are finding their way to Marci's front porch. And then there are the scary boxes....
When your power goes out…was it goats? When you love someone, you move the roadkill. How quickly does someone show you they’re nuts? Love of movie violence—a dating red flag?
Home improvements, potty training, French whores, ear gauges, and other mistakes parents make.
Marci spends a day at the hospital, surrounded by cops. It’s not what you think. At Turi’s house, a fascination (not hers) with the digestive tract of the foster dog. Train your puppy just like Megadeath would
Monsoon season on Marci’s mountain. Marital thermostat wars. Quest for sleep. Animals in the bed. AI and your phone. How to get published in a tabloid.
Hey, is that your old tee shirt? Peculiar grooming tools, and the people who need them. A new weather word. Have you tried to convince a friend that something is true because you saw it on video? Marci has seen the unbelievable. Turi doesn’t believe it. Dead things.
Your relationship may contain a truth teller…or you might be married to Turi, a truth evader. Marci gets blamed for something, and she’s ALMOST sure she didn’t do it. The car that says too much. The Pride festival returns to rural Arizona. Odd pairings.
The neighborhood co-op that is never ever going to open. How to solve most household problems—with electricity! Marci is awash in cowboys and tobacco. Ill-considered green space.
The dog is stuck. A tiktok video is stuck. Everything is STUCK. And you may join a cult more easily than you thought.
What happens when the natural disaster is INSIDE your house... Pet rescue: When to give up.
What’s more important than a near-medical emergency? How about getting “Have You Ever Seen a Monkey” to stop playing in your hearing device. More things you never wanted to know about your neighbors, and more names you probably shouldn’t foist on your kid(s).
When your car gives advice. Dog food IS groceries. Turi’s “words to live by” are still true—alas. Things to do when your neighborhood is (deliberately) on fire.
Dog mayhem and rescue failures. The pop music group of your youth—as they are now. Safety vests—real, or security theater? Why you don’t believe that something is a bargain (hint: NOT because you’re stupid).
The foster dog is getting too comfortable. The family needs training. The relaxing feeling you get when your partner is gone. New airplane etiquette, and the concept of “holding space.”
It’s “Lord of the Flies” at Turi’s house. Will the person who cancels after “Three Months Free!” step up for their prize. Life without post it notes. You love it, but you are allergic to it. A thing worse than Jello. The flying cattle of Williams Arizona.
Animal Troubles. Marci has them. Turi has them. Both marriages have them. You can say “no” in so many ways. Turi is an expert. Somebody uses one of the worst words you know… then puts words like that on their motorcycle…and [so far] lives in Chicago. Meta AI’s ancestor—we’ve found him…and you may know him.
Company comes to Marci’s S@*#storm of Awesomeness ranch—at 11,000 feet. They are still alive. Marci’s moment of tech confusion nearly gets her eaten by wildlife. Once again, calls for help go out to “Steve in India.” Trouble at the bank.
The adult children are here. Marci flies again, with damage. Admitting you are wrong—when to do it? Cleaning: dust colored gloves trump rose colored glasses. Marci believes there are only two types of kids…and Turi should be glad she didn’t give birth to one of them. The digestive qualities of matza, and the renaming of prunes.
Marci has a “freedom of speech freedom of the press” agenda—but she once paid the price for a teenage transgression. Turi is a hard-liner on consequences, until she sees her own kid’s Facebook page. Now on campus: Imagine what happens when the thing you were told would happen…actually happens.
Turi experiences a rude awakening. It’s the cops. Crime and punishment, Marci has been hacked. Crime and punishment on the university campus, aka didn’t your parents teach you anything?
Marci is grandparenting…by some name. Reunion—radio and otherwise. The Denver Boot (for cars) and one for some other use. Update on the garbage house, which may explode. Marci’s history of neighborhood explosions. Reunions, radio and otherwise. Coachella, the algorithm strikes back.
Fine, thanks…and how did YOU sleep? Paying to take orders. The people on your social media that you know you know….but you could be wrong. The worst people at the worst performance at the Fringe Festival.
If you give it away….they don’t respect it. Another theory about your memory, and the kid you liked in fifth grade. Those boxes in storage, and the hoped-for natural disaster. The unopened box.
In a surprising twist, it turns out Turi may love the spousal unit more than Marci loves her husband. Or it may just be that Marci desperately craves an appearance on “Shark Tank.” There’s a helmet and a goat involved. Contemplating the return of the muumuu.
An old children’s story, and the tale of the foster dog. Marci’s marketplace adventure. Child-rearing, then and now. The nightmare tenant, again and still.
Marci’s hip deep in muck…and possibly vermin. A nightmare with various possible inhabitants in the holes in the back 40. Another foray into reality TV, and our possibly first ever movie review, with lots of dead people. Marci gets ready for a sentimental parting, that will make her $500.
Where the band width has gone. Dangerous things you can rent. Turi confesses to the embarrassing thing the foster dog has revealed to her. Hint: Turi is a princess. What quiet people are thinking. The anonymous rat-out. Professor repellent.
Marci is exhausted by goats and pina coladas. Turi is exhausted by dogs. The spousal unit sleeps on. And we learn a rule of thumb….about backing up.
Marci has the wrong clothes to go out in public…and ends up out in public. The epic wardrobe fail of Williams, Arizona. The privilege of the curtain-less window. Landlords and the people who hate them
Marci is following a particularly grisly sentencing…because of the perpetrator’s tattoos. Grisly crimes—before and after social networking. Survival skills you do not want your cat to have. Newborn babies: what DO they remember?
Turi has anxiety, but refuses to do anything that would make it go away…or make it worse. Marci admits to avoiding information. Middle-school inner dialogue, and when you should give up on making a friend.
News this week of the third divorce among Turi’s friends has the spousal unit asking this important question. And the answer may come down to the weather and an app. Also, a parental accomplishment—you may have reached this money-saving milepost, too.
Everything they tell you about youth and hormones is only half the story. Then there’s the post partum version…and the old lady version. The thing that you allegedly broke, but the explanation makes no sense.
Deceptively good marriages: Other people’s rotten spouses are easy to spot---and then it happens. Marci explains her accent. Backyard cattle update. Deceptively perfect babies.
Marci has read the account of a man who perished at the hands—well, claws and teeth, actually, of his pet. Turi explains that this is JUST like people who date bad boyfriends. And, amazingly, you will find her theory makes perfect sense. The marauding goats and cattle are back—indoors, this time.
Turi is fascinated by a late night TV ad.which is better than what she’s been watching on disc, for the Screen Actors’ Guild awards. Marci has found a movie that’s even worse than watching “Black Adam”…again. #BradleyCooper #Maestro #BlackAdam #Bernstein #SAG
Marci claims her body parts could top the predictions of cataclysmic flooding during Turi’s work trip to LA. The helpful spouse and the bargain rental car. What (not) to do after you get sacked from your job in 2024.
Marci is back from grand-maternity leave. She’s got diapers to change, and a cat in her bathroom. Turi has returned from Mexico. Plumbing also played a big role in her vacation.
Increasingly nervous at the prospect of her daughter going into labor while the neighborhood is snowed in, Marci has a “plan b”…and a “plan c”. One involves the fire department, the other is messier. You’re going to name him what??? Turi is wondering where all her underwear has gone.
Marci anticipates the arrival of her first grandchild. There will be blood. She will pass out. Turi has just spent an entire afternoon learning about blood sucking creatures. This information is useful for upsetting Marci. The wait continues…
It's winter. Marci likes to watch the cars pile up from her mountain home. Why can't you call it the "master" bedroom anymore? We get out the speculator. And, what are people DOING with all that space? An important rule if you've sold your home. Birthday cards tell the ugly truth.
What we’d wear to the Oscars if we were famous. How we’d steal all the food at the afterparty if we were famous. What we’d never eat whether we were famous or not. And…what about the fancy cat food? Disgusting pet grooming tips. I’d rather eat it than give it to you.
The New Year has begun. Turi missed her “last chance” to give to about 27 charities. When you know just a little bit more than the person on the other end of the phone. Marci tried to interest her husband in a designer dress (for her) and a kiss (for him). Neither inquiry produced the intended results. Turi keeps ruining people’s clothes, by describing them.
Marci’s dog has learned to read Facebook posts—just in time. The FB friend for whom EVERYTHING is political. How to get along with people in a small town, when you know what they REALLY think. Another household mishap involving dog pee and aeronautics. The demon is in….
Marci is now ready for a post-surgery commemorative t-shirt. We all have T-shirts of regret. That time it would have been a good idea for a man to be wearing pants. The dating life of clowns. Marci wants “The Happy Wanderer” and its ilk to be purged from her memory.
Turi’s spousal unit confronts the next batch of unconventional prospective tenants. Marci’s real life collides with the Polar Express—entire families in local eateries wearing matching pajamas.
Marci has new studio gear. She will eventually learn how it works. Turi’s spousal unit has been showing a small apartment. And why WOULDN’T you want to rent to someone who asks whether they can paint all the bedrooms black? Adventures in landloring...or, "Do you accept snakes?"
Hair dye, Giuliani, and Marci. Not-very-well-considered (in Turi’s opinion) marketing plan of a Las Vegas Casino. And…what to do with your non-profit’s problem person.
Marci is back behind the wheel…just as the tourists begin their trek to the Grand Canyon. Hazards of driving American cars in foreign places, and of driving foreign through the air. Home-made Disneyland. Turi and Marci share the parenting skills of yesterday
When your adult child returns home, and you find out your are running an AIRbnb. Marci learns to yell (it helps that she's quit smoking).
Marci is back from surgery, but not off her couch. And she will be eating a drumstick while wearing a onesie and watching the Detroit Lions. That's an improvement over what she's been eating lately. Our Thanksgiving show. Enjoy!
Threats mommy's make, and more bad music your kids make. Podcast host Kim McCallister takes the copilot's seat again...as Marci recovers.
Kim McCallister fills in for Marci, while she recovers from surgery. Kim has musical kids. She’s not always happy about that.
All kinds of things break. Some spray you in the face. Some require speaking to “Steve” in Tech Support. Sometimes, things must GET broken, to even up your damage karma.
Marci is trying to take care of a seven-months-pregnant 28-year-old with a post-surgical knee. When you have four dogs, it’s still possible that not one is suitable for a “dog friendly” baby shower. Why describing your beauty treatment is a bad idea.
The A/I generated product review. Driverless cars return to Marci’s neighborhood. How not be patiently waiting. Marci didn’t miss smoking today, instead she has cannibalized herself. How something that’s been clean can upset you. The clean bathroom queen, and why Turi is one. How to review the awful AirBNB.
Marci is nervous about her upcoming wrist surgery—but she’ll be able to drive, once she learns how her new car works. Turi’s favorite luxury. Post it notes: the life raft of middle age. Marci finds a designer bargain on line. Gifts your friends don’t need to give you.
Marci’s husband had a freak (and painful) encounter. When to wear, and when NOT to wear, a ski mask.
Marci has several distressing experiences with creatures from the back country. Turi suggests a trade. Trick or Treat or a pack of smokes.
Turi flunks community college Spanish. Marci knows exactly what to do about that. Day six of Marci without cigarettes. Keeping the old dog going.
When should you give up a pair? Turi’s trip to the ER leads to a deep dive—almost literally—into the underwear drawer. How do women get the job of “underwear buyer in chief”? Marci orders Grateful Dead undershorts for her husband.
Marci is trying (again) to quit smoking. What happened to the bag of Halloween candy? “Mad Men” and social convention: why not litter? Surviving your very thrifty family. Camping for New Yorkers. What Turi learned from eating hospital food.
Marci’s husband asks her to visit the dentist. Turi tries HARD NOT to say (rudely) what she thinks is really going on, but ultimately –surprise--cannot help herself.
Marci tries to sleep. Her only hope is duct tape. Turi doesn’t understand why people have a problem with porn, but no problem with stupidity. Rats- and the dogs that love them.
Marci plans a concert road trip to hear the Jonas Brothers with Evie. You can see the show better from her hotel swimming pool. Turi, who has her own pool and concert problems, explains how a hotel buffet is a lot like the British Film Institute’s streaming app.
Marci makes celebrates her new wheels—while Turi’s hoopdie is trying to knock her unconscious.
An old fashioned day at Marci's County Fair brings back trauma for Turi, and the giddy fanbase of a band that's not eactly famous.
Marci gets stuck, twice, on her anniversary vacation in Mexico. And things aren’t much easier coming home.
A series of unfortunate, EXPENSIVE, thrift store events. Then MORE expensive mistakes. One requires learning a bad word in Spanish. Bonus: the world's most disgusting sounding adult beverage.
Turi struggles to follow the guidelines for uploading her audio book. But “Steve in India” has a solution. Marci wonders about women who find VERY young men attractive, and she gets a strange roadmap to her own anniversary party.
The Blue Angels and the Thunderbirds are flying over Turi’s house. She decides never to sleep with any of them. Marci likes the Extreme Games, but has an excuse. The audience at The Who’s “Tommy
The accidentally upsetting baby name. Your phone is involved in a conspiracy. So is your electricity provider. So is your neighbor. Spontaneous combustion? Seriously? Credible sources. Kanye, again.
What happens when your kids turn into you? What happens when someone suggests meeting on the office couch? Is there REALLY anybody in the USA who’s never met a Jew? SO many questions…
Your mechanical devices are trying to warn you. Stranded on a mountain, or stuck in second gear. The goat gets an account at Walmart.
Sometimes your bad Karma catches up with you. Sometimes, that's ok. Goats, Girls, Swimming Pools, and OLD people.
Turi’s continuing tech problems require a YouTube expert. Marci the gullible says “yes”. And… how to enjoy your broken arm.
The memory clock as a gift—aid or insult? When Turi declines to join an art committee, she gets what she deserves.
Marci’s car becomes a rodeo event. The end of the Swarovski crystal water bottle. More about less underwear. Are we losing our memories? Our favorite Marines.
An Arizona heatwave. Where’s the splashpool? Why we need underwear: two theories and one objection.
As we record this, the weather of the world is coming to a dramatic crescendo. And all we want is for some people to quit taking showers. Also, we got an award. We had no idea, and probably it’s better that way.
Planning your vacation? Make sure the person who buys tickets knows which seats you hate. Turi’s spouse gets a reminder. Student housing flashback, which, Marci points out, is not just for students.
Marci has finally bought a gadget that works. Destructo-dog returns. Turi and family travel to Canada, over a very, very scary bridge. Customs and Border Patrol: US Vs Canada
Still packing for the trip, Turi anticipates what she will hear from the passenger seat, and from the dog crate in the way-back. How is a crappy marriage like a used car? The reputation of the Subaru comes as a surprise to Marci. When to give up on the Pride Parade (hint, it involves rain). The plague of grasshoppers
How do you pack for a trip? Does a giant pile of junk in the middle of your floor sound efficient? Marci has fond memories of her sojourns to Canada, and why the guys liked it so much.
Tasteful or not, the end of the submersible aka bathtub toy aka rat sub called “Titan” causes a less than fully sympathetic reaction.
When you shop local… Cheapness, and the un-cancelled stamp. Marci finds only one of something. The thing in the bathtub.
Turi ignores good advice— loses sense of humor. Marci’s property has nine plagues to go. The whatever-you-make-of-it family, and the self-rated best mommies. Immature behavior—ours.
Marci’s devotion to the series “Snapped” has her family concerned. “Funeral Potatoes”, and other funeral food. A day at the ghost ship hospital. The wrong time to want someone’s body.
Marci is no longer willing to do anything unplanned. The new dog has a peeing problem, and Marci’s husband is the victim. Should you warn people when you are NOT wearing a brassiere. Marci has several “no bra” strategies. What would be left of your old school, if there’s been anti-bullying rules? There’s beena train wreck, with cool prizes.
When you think you’re arriving in the middle of the party…but it’s over. What to do when someone asks for your opinion (Turi’s method). Marci creates her own old age home, which lacks only one thing. The culture of the bingo fan—and a huge error.
Marci takes a walk, and learns she can make money by committing extortion. What not to talk about in an interview. Who make the worst interviewees? Marci envisions herself as a court witness…and bombs. The person wearing the super-person cape gets a vote.
Both sexes of cattle are now wandering Marci’s mountain property, and the disposition of the bull’s private parts is a family concern. Turi is not in the mood for discussion. Medical technology, or, “Didn’t you just get out of jail?”
That medical device with the borderline porno name? It’s legit. The wack person you met at the party. Art Bell (RIP), Marci and the all night truckers.
When you compare life on an Arizona mountain to life in Chicago (which has Trader Joe’s), where do you go for bigger guns? Marci plans to stash cattle in her bathroom. Which home remodeling costs the most money for the least joy? Turi is obsessed with having more toilets. The Elvis Presley toilet.
Marci is visiting Turi in Chicago. Q: What could possibly hurt her in Chicago? A: An old age home. Turi sees two disgusting things in two days. What awe’s Marci about her former city of residence? Not what you’d think. NOTE: THIS INSTALLMENT HAS A COUPLE OF MINUTES THAT COVER ICKY THINGS. TWO ICKY THINGS.
Marci prepares for her eldest son’s wedding. And prepares. And prepares. When you have no more manners, then what? “Crotch fries.” You need to know what they are. A well balanced diet—as in you are holding your food and a few other things in a way that if you thought about it you would not do. Magazines on fire.
Your shoes (or Turi’s shoes) will usher you into old age. Hanging on to the spouse—literally. Cattle wars: Marci wants to keep the wandering beasts closer. City husband votes for food over farm. Turi’s “castle doctrine”: chicken wire is the ultimate defense. Marci plans a hostess gift.
Marci, post surgery, is gifted with an indica gummy. (Turi needs to be told what that is.) Once she is able to get off the couch…Marci wrecks other parts of her body. Dealing with paranoid people. Fear of milk crates: reasonable in the city, even more reasonable in the wilds of Arizona.
Things you know how to do but choose not to. Yes, it’s on YouTube, but don’t do it anyhow. The cows are back, and Marci has learned why they call them “bull dogs.” Bunny eggs. Travel plans and white food.
A series of household efforts, from studio repairs to underwear disposal, turns agains Marci and Turi. The lethal potential of mini-blinds and recycling bins. Marci loses her pants (really.) Turi loses HER pants (really.) The damning video of Marci losing her pants--still to come.
Marci and Turi both have birthdays. Celebrations vary... dramatically. And…what would we do if we were each suddenly spouseless?
Chicago’s misbehaving youth bring Turi’s misbehaving youth to mind, as well as emails from everyone she knows who does not live in Chicago. Marci offers a fix. Other fixes: roofs, bones, and missing floral bouquets. Contains rare use by Turi of rude language. She always has her reasons.
Marci’s goat calls the cops. What ends up in the bottom of your purse. Avoiding your spouses romantic interests…tips and techniques. The cows are back. The food that broke the budget.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers Road Trip, with Marci, three wheels, and $130 bucks. What not to eat in Vegas. The dangerous felafel of Detroit. When Turi will get into the car of a serial killer. Youth and the humorous home video.
Part 1 of 2 Marci and I each attend seperate arena shows. The experience has changed. A lot.
That thing you lost? Be glad nobody peed on it. If that was your job...thanks. Stay retired.
Marci is seasonally depressed—or maybe it’s not the weather. Turi tries to be charitable. It does not go well. How to sabotage a talk show, AND a community chat board. Marci vs the Karens. A good dose of smug.
Both Marci and Turi are stuck in casts and splints. These present challenges. Marci cleans up at the wrong time. The goats go to war, and one now looks like Hell Boy. Life on the soup plantation and the picky recipients of community largesse.
The exhaustion that comes from knowing you will be exhausted. Gwyneth Paltrow's latest, according to Marci. Ick.
Marci and I come up (accidentally) with innovations (or maybe not new--we haven't checked) in porn. And the hospital gift shop--explored.
This installment is EXACTLY what it sounds like: The animal population on Marci's property has suddenly expanded. If you don't like goats, skip this one.
When your local Little Free Library fills up with proselytizing books, what's left is to form your own religion. We do. What can go wrong if your private life gets ratted out by a bunch of "do- gooders?" Or, tap dancing at the gates of H__L.
Got any tips on navigating life with a cast? Eating is a special challenge. Marci thinks wearing a cast on your arm is like being pregnant. Marci gets schooled on AI and chatbots. The creepy and anonymous blog.
More arm-in-a-cast mishaps. The thing you leave undone, when everything else got done. Anti-Semitism and the cat scratching post. Provisions for life in a mountain cabin under five feet of snow.
Marci encourages Turi, who is learning (thanks to the cast on her dominant arm), to operate single handed. An extensive list of things she can't do, and how her left breast has a new function. Eating your own hair, and the ballet bun. Clothing for clumsy people.
The potentially problem tenant, and the too picky job applicant. Marci draws the "what I will not do for a job" line. How to get kicked out of your house, and what to do afterward (go to Marci's). Could you live in the airport?
How do you convince people you made something up? Turi walked around for two weeks with a broken arm. Marci feels queasy. Nobody will tell you what a pain n the a-- you really are.
How to get a small herd of cattle out of your yard. What to do with your spouse on "snow days." The new and not-necessarily-improved MRI. Exhale. Hold. Panic.
Turi seeks references for workers on the internet--and learns too much. Marci thinks she has found a job she can do with one hand. Handy-wipes for dogs.
Turi goes on an extended rant about men (in business) who do not take "no thank you" for an answer.
What’s wrong with living on a rustic and beautiful mountain? Marci’s bank is having a computer problem—the very scary kind. When someone you love falls for a scam (how did you meet that Nigerian prince?). Egomaniacs and the single internet girl. Turi dreams of Marci’s cat. Hint: it's a very bad dream.
Marci and Turi have both taken their pets to the vet. And now…we wait…and pay. Turi, as a mom, leaves out the difficult parts of death and sex education. Maybe not a good idea. Turi ends up reading someone’s polyamory manifesto. Also not a good idea. Tales of a cat warrior. Marci has traded away the difficult dog. No give backs.
Someone much beloved in the radio business has passed away, and Turi has obituary envy. Marci offers to write one for her in advance. Pickled herring: a married man’s barrier against starvation. Marci may or may not give up her abusive relationship (she’s the victim)…with her recently adopted dog.
What writers do when they’re supposed to be writing. A little too much volunteering. Ten dollar a dozen eggs, and the machine that will not cook them. Marci plans for a wedding. Dining near the Grand Canyon, or, Door Dash by donkey.
Who do you blame on a day you get nothing done?Marci may find a cow in her septic tank. Camouflaging the yellow snow. The rancher next door.
Marci's mountain is under two feet of snow. Turi faces “that person on your community chat group who wants to make trouble”. You have one, right? “The Banshees of Inisherin”, or why you do not want a miniature donkey. Marci falls out of her chair—again, and she gets a strange solicitation.
Marci’s yard has unwanted bovine guests. Turi is collecting great customer service quotes. Spam phone calls and puppies—what they have in common.
There’s no time you dislike your houseguests more than when you clean up after they leave. No good deed goes unpunished—the time Turi’s guest left her with a disgusting reminder of his stay. Wax paper—yes, one can argue about it. We pick at our food, and on the restaurant on which the movie “The Menu” may have been based. Marci and Siri and Alexa, oh my.
Pretending you are not nervous is stressful. Weather gratitude—it can be for weird stuff. Overconfidence, or, do not fix this yourself, no matter what your other parent says. Turi’s pessimism is vindicated, with visual aids. Why there are such things as professionals. Thank you, “New York Times”, for helping us frighten our children.
Applying the “new boyfriend test” to Marci’s goats. Her beloved car may have taken its last ride—but it gives her new faith in Williams, Arizona. When the worst attribute of your partner shows up in your kid. An ancient Playboy short story teaches Turi about life…and her future breasts.
Marci is snowbound. Turi suggests extreme safety measures. Two pet disasters, both fixable—given enough money. Why pet the ER is worse than the ER for people. Marci has a stealthy plan for dressing her husband.
Marci accidentally orders the right thing in a very wrong size. Outrageous weather, the end of the world, and sympathy for a real life disaster. Peas, pudding, and power outages. Turi tries “The Washington Post’s” allegedly best recipe of the year.
Marci has fallen out of her chair. Again. Turi assigns blame to Marci's breasts. The Holiday Honey-do list. Favorite seasonal rationalization: The money you (over)spent is actually a holiday present to yourself.
How not to shop with your partner or spouse. Marci has come up with a fix for that. The cost of quiet and a peaceful life. You cannot stop your friend from a terrible business decision….but somehow you keep trying.
Mistaken texting. Turi and Marci observe the fate of Sam Bankman-Fried, and celebrate that Marci’s wrist cast is off. So she can wave to Sam when he's repatriated in handcuffs. The crypto-bro-in-chief and polyamory—aka cheating. What we’d look for in a polygamous marriage.
Marci gets the flu—and tries whatever she can find in her medicine cabinet. Turi’s philosophy about past-their-date pills. Marci wants the cast off her arm, but a storm means she may be sleeping in her Barco lounger a week from now. Old concert t-shirts can save your marriage.
Tired of hearing that her possessions are worthless, Turi tries to figure out what makes you want to hang onto stuff. Marci realizes what she bought, post-surgery, while she was heavily medicated. All the presents we are buying…for ourselves. What NOT to give us.
Tech challenges, including people who do not know what a land line is. Marci has hope for Butters the dog. Turi is not so optimistic.
Our artist has drawn Marci’s breasts... out of whack.
Foreign books, films, and replacement parts: what you do when you can't get them.
Sending money overseas…the risky way. Marci’s dog's latest inconvenient snack. Your password hints, and why they do not work. Poison mushrooms and the post Thanksgiving break down.
Marci’s miracle—in which she does not believe. The post funeral tribute, and the lesson you learn: If you are sick, don’t talk to anyone. Marci writes her own tribute, including two extremely unwise childhood decisions.
Christmas decorations are going up around Turi’s neighborhood. Before Thanksgiving. Marci learnes how to operate a shower. Construction, decisions, and being specific. Two gourmet meals Turi never tasted.
Marci's cast makes it impossible for her to cook for Thanksgiving.
Turi is wonders about all the turkey panic.
What goes on in your kitchen when you are not there...
Marci is ready for her surgery. She won’t hear a thing.
Foundation garments—a reality check. The magic of drag bars. Politicians, ladies of the evening, and customers from Indiana.
Marci is ready for her surgery. She won’t hear a thing.
Foundation garments—a reality check. The magic of drag bars. Politicians, ladies of the evening, and customers from Indiana.
From the building that no longer bears its name, to the catalogs that fed your (and Marci's) dreams…we remember the World’s Largest Store, and how hard it was for Turi to give it up.
From the building that no longer bears its name, to the catalogs that fed your (and Marci's) dreams…we remember the World’s Largest Store, and how hard it was for Turi to give it up.
Something else has gone artisanal. Cheese curds enter Marci’s life. Michigan, Faygo, and the Insane Clown Posse. When you’ve grown up, you find out the truth about what’s fancy. Whatever happened to your slip? You certainly didn’t buy it yourself. Going to work in your pajamas. Iconic buildings, renamed.
Something else has gone artisanal. Cheese curds enter Marci’s life. Michigan, Faygo, and the Insane Clown Posse. When you’ve grown up, you find out the truth about what’s fancy. Whatever happened to your slip? You certainly didn’t buy it yourself. Going to work in your pajamas. Iconic buildings, renamed.
Marci is leaving her job with cat rescue. She will not be easy to replace. Alan Jackson, The Chicks, and Beyoncé. Country music has evolved, and is that any worse than Juice Newton? We finally talk about Madonna, but only for medical reasons. Will Marci be able to access candy with her hand in a cast? Dog toys, contests, and other things that show how lazy we are.
Marci is leaving her job with cat rescue. She will not be easy to replace. Alan Jackson, The Chicks, and Beyoncé. Country music has evolved, and is that any worse than Juice Newton? We finally talk about Madonna, but only for medical reasons. Will Marci be able to access candy with her hand in a cast? Dog toys, contests, and other things that show how lazy we are.
Marci plans for her surgery, and a very expensive piece of equipment has been destroyed. Nothing is under warrantee, including you. Bad engineering. Dead cars. As with dogs, so with men.
Marci plans for her surgery, and a very expensive piece of equipment has been destroyed. Nothing is under warrantee, including you. Bad engineering. Dead cars. As with dogs, so with men.
The Halloween Candy podcast. Turkish Taffy restrospective, with a side of Reeses and Tootsie Rolls. Also, why this podcast is NOT for twenty-somethings. Turi’s neighbor decides on a project. What’s wrong with your diet book. Why the late Comedienne Joan Rivers may have been a space alien.
The Halloween Candy podcast. Turkish Taffy restrospective, with a side of Reeses and Tootsie Rolls. Also, why this podcast is NOT for twenty-somethings. Turi’s neighbor decides on a project. What’s wrong with your diet book. Why the late Comedienne Joan Rivers may have been a space alien.
Marci is due for a surgery. Which she has been researching. Eeeew. And then there is the pain—for which there will be drugs. Why Turi does not smoke pot. Why a Barbie doll could be the post surgical solution for Marci. The strange disappearance of a common herb.
Marci is due for a surgery. Which she has been researching. Eeeew. And then there is the pain—for which there will be drugs. Why Turi does not smoke pot. Why a Barbie doll could be the post surgical solution for Marci. The strange disappearance of a common herb.
Marci and the 80 kitten marathon. Emus, capybaras, and other animals invading Arizona. The new instagram spam misreads both Marci and Turi, but completely understands the psychology of women. Who reads the trade publications for your industry? Behind your local newpaper’s paywall.
An exercise in ingratitude. An apple cider explosion makes Marci examine her marriage. Dr. Joyce Brothers gave the best first-world problem solutions. A squirrel for a spouse. The people who are SUPPOSED to be hoarding, are letting us down. Turi’s grandmother’s cures for vermin. Our listener has a question.
How to mess up your covid test, your soup eating, your debit card, and your dog's digestion. All lin one short podcast.
Storm damage, and what you really need to do with your generator. Too much sex on Marci’s TV. Badly named houses of worship. Smart, hunter-dodging elk. There’s only one car key.
Hail, tornadoes, and new ways that weather can kill you. The insurance investigator comes to Marci’s home. Liberation: When you have a demolition derby car. Being rude to nutty people—the “do’s and don’ts”
The holiday season brings a bad manners retrospective—plate lapping, broccoli bits, and an exploding fruit.
Airport mishaps, and the most common (and expensive) sources of bruised shins. A warning to the young, sexy podcaster.
Marci makes another impulse internet purchase. There’s been an explosion in Turi’s neighborhood, but these seem to be happening everywhere. Marci is back to travelling, with and without a truck- full of kittens. The satisfaction of making egg salad—even if nobody eats it
Marci makes another impulse internet purchase. There’s been an explosion in Turi’s neighborhood, but these seem to be happening everywhere. Marci is back to travelling, with and without a truck- full of kittens. The satisfaction of making egg salad—even if nobody eats it
Marci spent almost two hours calling strangers. Most were crazy. Turi has a theory about “get out the vote” postcard writing. What not to write on, and what not to write with. Another kitten snippinig trip, and the end of the soul cat lady story.
Marci spent almost two hours calling strangers. Most were crazy. Turi has a theory about “get out the vote” postcard writing. What not to write on, and what not to write with. Another kitten snippinig trip, and the end of the soul cat lady story.
You do not want to hear the sound of 10,000 cats. Or lose your pants. Marci recently did both. How to inherit nothing. Food, or booze? Frustration meets the open bar.
You do not want to hear the sound of 10,000 cats. Or lose your pants. Marci recently did both. How to inherit nothing. Food, or booze? Frustration meets the open bar.
Things you do not want to hear from your doctor. Turi reads a moving newspaper story, and feels the wrong things. Marci once met Richard Nixon, and observed his head. A not-terribly-old movie proves you really can miss obvious signals. Old media, new media, and the children’s’ cassette that’s stuck in your dashboard.
Things you do not want to hear from your doctor. Turi reads a moving newspaper story, and feels the wrong things. Marci once met Richard Nixon, and observed his head. A not-terribly-old movie proves you really can miss obvious signals. Old media, new media, and the children’s’ cassette that’s stuck in your dashboard.
Marci has a whole lot of new, yet old, tech. The goats are living amongst literary classics. Turi goes to Lit Fest, and learns more than she ever wanted to know about creepy guys—because Marci has "creepy guy insight".
Marci has a whole lot of new, yet old, tech. The goats are living amongst literary classics. Turi goes to Lit Fest, and learns more than she ever wanted to know about creepy guys—because Marci has "creepy guy insight".
Marci knows a lot about the Royals. Turi…would rather learn to crochet clothes for pets then spend ten minutes hearing about anyone with a title. The unpopular books in your “Little Free Library.” Death of an appliance.
Marci knows a lot about the Royals. Turi…would rather learn to crochet clothes for pets then spend ten minutes hearing about anyone with a title. The unpopular books in your “Little Free Library.” Death of an appliance.
Something is wrong with Marci's County Fair. Marci gets a mysterious contact seeking to adopt a "soul cat." A fairly good imitation of a noxious commercial. Paisley is not a food.
Something is wrong with Marci's County Fair. Marci gets a mysterious contact seeking to adopt a "soul cat." A fairly good imitation of a noxious commercial. Paisley is not a food.
Turi gains new understanding of why that house on your block is falling apart. Marci plans an original outing to the county fair…except that nothing is original.
Turi gains new understanding of why that house on your block is falling apart. Marci plans an original outing to the county fair…except that nothing is original.
Marci is back from her Mexican anniversary trip. She can escape neither the animals she dreads….nor the ones she loves.
Turi is having internet safety concerns, abetted by a scary news story. One of our offspring accidently encounters the man who sent ther a dic-pic. Marci’s underwear, her dog, and her goats: a mystery. DNA testing for dogs: the optimistic view vs. the realistic view.
Turi is having internet safety concerns, abetted by a scary news story. One of our offspring accidently encounters the man who sent ther a dic-pic. Marci’s underwear, her dog, and her goats: a mystery. DNA testing for dogs: the optimistic view vs. the realistic view.
Marci’s war on bugs (she feels guilty), and Turi’s war on rats (she does not feel guilty). Ancient recording technology must be excavated—and the kid is astonished.
Politics and vegetables don’t mix. Marci continues her health food campaign. Martha Stewart makes you a school hot lunch. Bugs as weather forecasters.
Marci faces a dilemma in her truck, during a monsoon. Turi plays “would you rather” at the city park pool and learns something new about hot tub maintenance. Our product for “Shark Tank”. The people who post ancient photos of you on social media should pay.
Why are the movie and TV stars of LA so thin? Turi has the answer, thanks to her recent visit. You should only listen if you like food--in portions larger than a the size of a brillo pad.
New puppies, and the kind of flood you can only get when you own your own septic tank.
DO NOT TAKE THIS PODCAST WITH FOOD.
And speaking of food--Marci asks Turi for some nutritional advice--and gets a bushel full.
Marci’s dog has been body shamed. Plus size models. A possible test problem for potentially transitioning youth. Marci learns a harsh tech lesson. Helpful men and why they sometimes aren’t.
Inventorying the lingerie drawer. Turi makes several underwear confessions—one from her long ago past. What you can learn about “foundation garments” on morning drive radio. The washing machine challenge—with and without crazy people.
Marci’s goat is eating whatever part of her house the puppy has not devoured. Turi’s fear of luxury airlines—specifically the shower. Marci’s new puppy has given her another million dollar business idea—and it involves water.
The Furminator, or “how to get someone to drive you to urgent care.” Your character flaw that is actually a talent. Cow Season, or “that smell in your car.” More uses for dead fish.
Marci spends a weekend rescuing cats—until the local sheriff catches up with her. Turi is back on the Chicago Transit Red Line, with what are becoming predictable results.
You might think we'd have learned by now....Marci’s hotline history. Confirmable news sources, and a whole lotta PR. Writing a bad review—and the consequences. Turi has been through THREE gig economy apps and still can’t get one job done. Marci confronts a cat hoarder. A little home remodeling is better than surgery.
A new puppy at Marci’s makes us consider neutering—of puppies, and, potentially, people. Facebook is flooded with end-of-life misery—mostly for pets. Fundraising from tragedy. Wildlife nightmares for Turi, and Marci’s buffet for predatory birds. Buffets we remember, pre-Covid. Tricking the animal rights group.
A thunderstorm, foreteller of doom, and the long-avoided Covid comes to Turi’s house. Marci imagines the lockdown…and, if Turi gets the dreaded virus, what will it be like???
There’s been a drought in Arizona, so people need flood insurance. How to make Vegas’ Bellagio fountain into a water-saving device. Turi vs the DMV. So far the DMV is winning. Chicagoans sound like geese. Marci’s name presents problems. The joy of a new air conditioner.
Domestic repression, and a housewife’s revenge. Marci puts an old radio huckster’s “money prayer” to use. How to grow into a little old lady who never leave your house. Marci orders a gizmo online to keep her cool. Turi has a far more old fashioned solution.
The graphic feminist podcast, which we are not. Porn-watching failure. Packing too light, again. The cute mascot. Turi loves them. Marci fears them. That summer job?? A monkey CAN’T do it.
Behind the scenes at the thrift store. Showing off in your lingerie—now a family business. When not to take your clothes off. Furniture disasters: a Persky family tradition. Can you clean that off the ceiling? The rules you keep, the rules you break.
Marci has another furniture mishap. How will she be remembered, after her furniture eventually does her in? Pigeons have decided to nest in a bad spot, and the battle is on. Bad choices and forest fires. There’s a new word for it.
The guy who asks for your number…more than once. Why goats smell bad. Why some people smell like goats. The seasonal home repair list, and how to weasel out of it (see faux Grateful Dead Festival, and Horseshoes). The male version of “booty shorts”.
Marci’s healthcare plan for 27 kittens goes awry (again). Conversations in the rental van parking lot. Europe has found a way to clean your kitchen junk drawer. The challenge: you realize you may have seen the movie before.
The dance clubs and the soccer clubs and the kids who don’t quite get it. Turi is glad you cannot heckle at a violin recital. Marci marvels at how anyone can be happy with his/her head inside a traffic cone. Being a grown up means people can’t make you do things. Although…there are ways….
Marci has trouble with the basics of boiling, or, how to ruin a meal at 7,000 feet. Turi takes the low road, even when she would like to be a better person. The end of the school year. Here come the recitals, concerts, and all the things that prove Turi is a terrible mom.
Why can’t Turi get more than one thing done in a day? We examine the obstacles. Marci has a lot to say about poop. Complaining will shorten your life. For some people, that’s just fine. Simple costs more, until it's obsolete. Elvis’ gold lamé arm.
A loss to the family menagerie. Turi learns a hard lesson about friendship. Marci’s anti-gravity chair lands like an earthbound meteor. Sitting down lessons. Marci attends a music festival for fans of the Grateful Dead—except she can’t hear it. Hippie couture. A childhood nightmare exposed
Marci is abandoning her post as the savior of kittens, for ONE weekend. She will be at a music festival where the clothing makes her cringe. But she’s seen worse. Turi’s dissolving underwear.
Marci gets a frightening letter. The mystery of the transgender pregnant frog continues. What learned from "Breaking Bad". The picking gene. Don't hug us there.
Marci and I consider what goes into making guests, and visiting doctors, comfortable, and decide we may have done a little too much. The pregnant frog update.
Marci’s shelter volunteer is attacked by a vicious cat. Turi’s spouse is packing light for a business trip, and she will not be there to control his thrift, or bad wardrobe choices. The disaster story that sticks in your head. Dark glasses: a resented accessory.
Marci finds a sucker to drive kittens over the mountains. Turi’s vintage car encounters a tow truck. Things that go boom when you move. Security theater continued. What not to tell the post office about your package.
Marci is waiting for a special housecleaning tool. City goats vs. Country goats. Trapping wildlife using common household items. The food allergy you forgot.
Marci’s menagerie has an unexpected pregnancy. Household ammunition—aka “you’ll be sorry you said that.” A home health visit with a bonus. “The Weekly World News” knows you’re not just fat.
Turi receives a weird phone call from a witness to a crime. Marci is wearing the wrong earrings to the Met Ball. Marci experiences a dramatic success in comfortable rural living, which involves toilet paper.
Turi’s kid wants to start a podcast, and do standup. She’s not laughing. The quirks that make a man ineligible (hint: puka shell necklace). What we did wrong, from maternity logs to first teeth.
Marci recaps her vacation: tattoos, wild roosters, gale force winds, and cultural appropriation. But she still has not convinced her husband to adopt a horse. Marci’s sense of direction encounters the Hawaiian shoreline: The water is in front of you. The end of Marci’s expensive hearing aids, or, whatever happened to “Mr. Microphone”?
Marci is VERY nervous about her imminent vacation departure (for Hawaii), The shame of taking your dog for dental work. Should you build a shrine to your adult child, or just give their single bed away
Marci is losing track of her vacation—and it’s getting worse. A new training module hits the big box store, and someone wants to check Turi’s eggs. The thing you vow you will never do for a job….again.
Marci nearly loses her hair in a rude awakening. Turi amazes herself by remembering some important agricultural facts. Kansas finally drinks and goes home. People really do darn socks.
Marci and Turi are both having trouble removing things from their electronic devices. It’s time for the microwave solution—as seen on TV. How Google, Apple, and Volvo are really the same problem. The “foodles” diet.
The continuing saga of “Marci Persky Road.” The dangerous thing between two houses that nobody wants to admit they own. Planning what will be your kids’ problem. The rat discotheque. Creative new use for those “relaxing” desk fountains. Marci steals a kid’s pony.
Marci rejoices (not really) in the coming of “kitten season”, and a new windshield. Turi would like honest people to be a little less forthright—or at least not make her feel bad about how sneaky she is. That includes the spousal unit. Are writers really as collegial as they seem?
“On Time” arrival schedules are designed to make you crazy. Up in the mountains of Arizona, Marci is in the middle of Rattle Snake Season…which gives Turi an idea. Now that Marci has had her eyes fixed, she can see danger everywhere.
Marci violates her doctor's orders. Do pregnant cats curse while they’re in labor? You’re old so don’t complain. The adult kids who show up…and put you in a home. The lady with all the pet videos on YouTube. Our worst Tiktok nightmare. Happy anniversary to us!
Turi finds out about a movie genre she’s never heard of. We go down the “True Crime” podcast and TV re-enactment rabbit hole, and solve nothing. Marci claims to have trained her goldfish.
Turi is WRONG about Marci’s African frog. Your snake is not your best friend. Vermin from the sky, and towers full of roaches. What your insect dream is trying to tell you.
The humiliation of the constantly misplaced cell phone. Dangerous magnets, delicious dirt. How can you really be sure that movie was awful. The new Mexican smuggling ring. When fruit goes bad.
Marci’s recovery from surgery is going not-so-well, but at least she’s not in Ukraine. Turi enters the “most frivolous quibble” competition, using too-tasty snacks from Trader Joe’s. How to fight your inner Thin Mint demons, which we are all thankful we are doing in the USA.
Turi gets a wedding invitation, and a taste of her own “no kids” policy. What can you say with your dress? The adult child as house-sitter. The smell that gets stuck in your head.
Marci is still waiting for her eye surgery to heal, but Siri won’t step in to help. Turi is having the opposite problem: typing in instructions, “Security theater” means Turi’s lentils got confiscated at the airport. It's the same reason she never bought a locking toilet seat. Marci found something possibly built by wild burros.
Marci’s eye surgery doesn’t go as planned. Amazon wants to scan your palm. What we used to scan with early Xerox machines (remember?) If you’re a tech reporter, do you give up your data for a good story? When you say “no” to your boss—and how to get off the crime beat. The torture of the non-news television news story.
Marci gets a haircut, and demands a review from her husband. What would it take for Turi’s spouse to notice that their house had burned down? A visit to Turi’s elderly mom, whose stories are starting to get mixed together...Women, middle age, and the hair situation. What happened to Turi’s libido? Marci is worried her upcoming surgery will cause a true confession.
Marci plots her Hawaiian trip, along with an escape from backward-flying storm-tossed ospreys. A trip to the dump. When to let your kid flunk out.
Marci defends herself against a rugged mountain storm by means of a pile of underwear. A grudge against the “Swiffer”. Marci’s homemade tiara, her recycled toilet planter, and the Mountain Man she’d like to show it to. Goats: when to reward. Dogs: when to give up.
Turi’s spouse is still covered in public transit muck for his end-of-vacation decision. Marci deals with a flood, and the responsible party. Things you could do wrong file: when the person you most despise inherits everything you own. Marci plus a slimy avocado equals a lesson re-learned.
Back from vacation, Turi Learns who rides the all night subway. Taking the subway, to teach the spouse a lesson. Marci has also spent the night on Chicago’s CTA Red Line, but not on purpose
That time you ran out of batteries. Marci and the plausible deniability of reminder memos. There are some places you should NOT put the litter box. Turi visits (by mistake) an Italian shack-up motel. When there is such thing as a romantic walk.
Marci takes a vacation, not to be confused with a trip. She took one of those, too. The wrong cat at the rescue center gets the perfect name. What ever happened to that guy in your address book? Changing the names of people we talk about is not helping us stay out of trouble.
Aluminum foil, plastic bags, and what you should never send out with the dog. Marci spots a UFO. Urban legends and a wave of nausea. Rush Limbaugh took Turi’s job away.
Marci is anxious (to put it mildly) about her upcoming vacation travel. Turi tries to be helpful, then does a 180. Other mysteries of travel discussed, including the “Adult Stores” at highway exits in the middle of nowhere, and with no cars or trucks in the parking lot.
The couple with the new baby bought the house of Turi’s least favorite neighbor. Marci rejoices in the purchase of a tiny, life-improving enhancement. Turi sees the potential for a theft ring. The thing that made Turi’s life better cannot be discussed in public…so we talked about it on this podcast. Medical privacy—where is it when you need it?
Bed Turi’s neighbors have a new baby. Guess where she’s going to sleep? Marci had a kid in her bed…for a very very long time. Yurts, tents, and the mothers of Berkeley, California. The vegans next door
The Betty White Challenge has worn Marci out, and volunteers do not make her life easier. Turi’s car is sending her a message. How not to get rid of your extra stuff. Turi’s mom will soon be out of the hospital, but not before she drives everyone nuts.
Marci continues to battle the forces of Google and YouTube. Turi’s friend suggests she might need help losing a few pounds. Marci has another suggestion, and so does Dr. Oz. Why Marci doesn’t eat olives, and a recap of Turi’s father’s tale of the pimento. Turi’s mother would like a magic lamp, or at least faster nurses.
Turi wants to know why a certain celebrity gets to (allegedly) punch his fans in the face. Marci thinks fan-punching may be a route to stardom. World religions take a beating—or give them. Avoiding conversations at the grocery store. We give “Snopes.com” the opportunity to correct us about bugs and ears.
Turi wants to protect the government from fleecing—an odd position for her to be in. The bodily functions and mishaps that make us laugh. The Air Fryer has landed….and we are confused. Other appliances and devices we can’t use. Yet. There’s no such thing as “touchless”. Credit card hocus-pocus. Marci’s “Shark Tank” idea.
It’s not with whom you sleep, it’s where you sleep. The old sitcom bed arrangement may be the best thing for your marriage. Death in the nude. Tuned to disaster. Unlikely accidents and the people who want to tell you what’s wrong with them. Act old now.
Watching graphic movies with the wrong people. Talking about sex with your adult children. Marci’s mom gives her a wedding night talk. Where did that diaphragm go? Old people: an entitled class? Asking for help, or “Can you reach that for me, please?” We are not Betty White.
Marci uses a product that has no instructions. On her head. When your event is cancelled due to Covid. Marci notices there's a Christmas movie you may never see again, and Turi tries to stop you from ever seeing the worst movie of her year.
Marci accidentally rats herself out. Holiday candy, and the weeks after the red and green foil wrappers have disappeared. Hoarding your favorite chocolate. Marci tries to recapture the taste of her childhood, at a price that has not changed since 1969. Turi almost kills her kid with a single sugary treat.
You Marci and Turi have a history of NOT getting Holiday/Christmas bonuses. For once, something is not our fault. No, we will not hang up and dial 911. “While You’re At it Syndrome”, and the final minutes of both our dads. Not what you’d imagine, but not bad, considering.
You Marci and Turi have a history of NOT getting Holiday/Christmas bonuses. For once, something is not our fault. No, we will not hang up and dial 911. “While You’re At it Syndrome”, and the final minutes of both our dads. Not what you’d imagine, but not bad, considering.
Why you shouldn’t pick a fight with your mechanic, but how to do it anyway. Turi’s spouse doesn’t deal with the car, Marci’s spouse will only deal with things if there’s a TV on site. The Chicago rat infestation and Marci’s wasp problem. Eliminating vermin with style. There’s only one disease Turi worries about now….every other disease can take a number.
What you can do with a really big box. Turi helped her kid, or was that cheating? Marci’s husband considers the bill for her housework. Your employer is NOT your family—but only certain people will say so.
Wearing your pajamas in public—both sober and drunk. Turi’s FOCM: “Fear of Changing Mechanics”. Turi has finally conquered her inertia, fixed on a beautiful fib, and fired someone. Some people will not sleep in campers.
Turi has figured out the worst part of working from home. As a consequence, she has her kid’s anxiety dream. Learning how to save you’re a—from google and YouTube. Marci is happy she can work in her underwear. Her kids are not.
Marci “The Cougar’s” husband is about to age her out of the category. The fire hazard that is Chanukah. Dads-- Marci’s and Turi’s. What parents notice about you when you’re a teenager, and what they say. Marci mourns a relative, and remembers her crazy (really. they were crazy) family.
Turi plans her future agoraphobia. Old habits you can get rid of. Email you can also get rid of. Turi gets no Chanukah gifts…again. The trauma of sewing. A few post-Thanksgiving cooking memories.
Turi’s preferred mental illness. Marci’s technique for dealing with people who don’t like her. Snack sized dogs, and why Turi won’t leave her house. Another internet scam….and this time guess who falls for it.
Thanksgiving recipes from the storage closet off your guest room. Hint: DON'T EAT THEM
Also, neither Turi's or Marci's on line gift shopping has so far produced the hoped for results.
Marci makes another cross country trip with a truck full of kittens. Yes, she has a good reason. No, it doesn't go so well. Turi also makes a trip, and ends up freezing, with her head in an oven.
Privileges of adulthood. Marci --an adult--falls for an internet scheme--the same one Turi's kid fell for (when he was twelve).
How old do you have to be to get away with simply ignoring the rules? Does a failure to acknowledge gym decorum have something to do with the former Soviet Union? When your sleep is more valuable than almost anything else—call a cab. When your spouse cannot, even for five minutes, SIT DOWN.
At the doctor’s, Turi did not have what it takes to rip off her paper gown and run away. Marci does…and leaves her stuff behind. Possible conduits to the flea market. No more dramatic tear-soaked speeches about global warming, please. Bidets in the desert.
"Marci Persky Road" inches closer to reality. Liberating your inner filth. We’re back to bras and underwear again—but this time, we’re tossing them. Not literally. What ELSE do you keep in your underwear drawer? The failed record reorganizing attempt.
The old electronic tools of our former trades. Someone else needs to care about our family photographs. Your cloud is too big. The auto body shop point of no return.
Marci is still on the trail of getting permission from the State of Arizona to get to her house. Marci’s husband is going to become a cat rescue superstar, and the cat sanctuary is getting a boost from some bikers. Why do people insist on doing things as couples? Turi won’t camp with her husband, Marci refuses to listen to jam bands.
Marci is still on the trail of getting permission from the State of Arizona to get to her house. Marci’s husband is going to become a cat rescue superstar, and the cat sanctuary is getting a boost from some bikers. Why do people insist on doing things as couples? Turi won’t camp with her husband, Marci refuses to listen to jam bands.
Highways are a big feature today. Marci risks highway stranding for a good cup of coffee, then she and her club clean the side of a road…for spite. Marci’s daughter has a theory about tent revivals. Turi remembers warning her children about cults.
Highways are a big feature today. Marci risks highway stranding for a good cup of coffee, then she and her club clean the side of a road…for spite. Marci’s daughter has a theory about tent revivals. Turi remembers warning her children about cults.
A random act of kindness makes Turi wonder why people think she’s going to pitch fits. Marci explains WHEN and HOW she fit-pitches. An oak tree hits the lawn, the neighbors hit the roof. Marci’s home refinancing effort goes into the litter box. Literally.
Where do you keep your passwords? Where do you keep the thing that reminds you of where you keep your passwords? Dining al fresco in Covid-safe New York….just you and the 18 wheelers. Defend yourself against foreign tourists: Rubber bands as weapons
Marci is recording while entirely covered in dog hair. Turi’s dog’s fur would ruin her dating prospects if she were single. Marci’s daughter has been banned for life from Tinder. A detour into sex predators in the workplace, How to keep dating app creeps from following you around.
Turi goes in search of those little Eastern European ladies who used to fit women with bras. Unfortunately, times have changed. Marci is an expert at liberating her breasts while driving—it takes practice.
Marci is going to take control and rule her Forest Service Road. A completely new sentence you have never heard before. Can you get a drone for that? Naming things: Marci’s rescued cats, and Turi’s yacht. How to convince your domestic partner that s/he is the one who put the gouge in your car.
Marci is about to do the hardest thing she’s ever done: She’s going to ask Smokey the Bear for help. When your spouse says “of course you’re going to do what you want”, that means “yes,” right? How to clicker train a person.
What houseguests teach you. Marci’s phone is about to make trouble for her—Turi’s phone already has. Renewing your wedding vows, does it help? Yard sales, Marci is still going, Turi has quit. Recalls—can that thing really explode? The hazards of gluing that thing (whatever it was) back together again.
Marci accidentally feeds some rats her truck. The car that got Turi arrested. EXACTLY how to take Pepto Bismol, and a new off-label use for it.
Turi’s pool has reopened, with alarming Covid protocols. Marci has some ideas for the lifeguard, drawn from her extensive Parks and Rec background. Is there some magic land where water bottles and tote bags come from?
Fashion decisions of Turi’s neighbors have her puzzled. Marci makes an unfortunate footwear choice, and lands at the bottom of a mudslide—but her husband gets the blame. Male co-workers who would prefer you were not there—and how to disarm and disrobe them.
Turi and Marci have set limits on where in their brains they file new tech information. Pet sitting—what can possibly go wrong. What happened to “Playboy After Dark”? And Turi’s attempt to work at a 1-800-Come-to-my-private-party service. How to make fellow restaurant diners jealous.
That pink sundress does not go with your full beard. Free babysitting: bring your child to a Vegas casino. Marci brings her kid to an interview. “I’m going to pull this car over”, and other reliable parenting techniques. How to make new friends who are not crazy.
Turi’s neighbor makes her realize she’s not as glib as she thought. Marci’s anniversary trip part 3—Vegas at 114 degrees disappoints. Turi’s long-time dentist tosses the medical garb, and comes to work in the costume of an entirely different occupation.
The hospice gift store is full of criminals. But a mysterious neighbor has saved her from a loss. How can she repay them? With pot. In her youth, Marci was an international-cat-smuggler—but now she’s just stuck with a van full of felines, and no ignition key.
Marci tries again to have a honeymoon/anniversary celebration. This time in Las Vegas.
Turi leaves the USA to bring her kid to University in Toronto. Her fantasy about Canada, and Canadians, is shattered. But everything she knows about American border guards is still true.
A job that’s nothing but an “up yours” to the world. The “List of Things That Must Change”. Can you grow a sense of time? When kids are not invited. Marci’s bridesmaids dress, and Turi’s apology. Storm across Lake Havasu.
What would Marci’s husband do if she brought home two twenty pound cats? How to know when your partner has really hit the limit. The emptying of the nest. The forgotten anniversary, and the promise of a new name. Greeting cards—still an ordeal.
Marci is planning a romantic getaway, on whichever side of Lake Havasu is higher. Marci and Turi have some pet spot challenges….and Marci is low on paper towels. Cleaning products are something you never expect to talk about until you’re 90. Unless, like Marci, you happen to be hoarding bargain basement phony “Sham Wows”. The goats get an outing.
Marci’s husband has come up with a novel way of saving water at their desert home. Predictably, Turi finds it disgusting, but filled with possibilities. Can Turi stop Google from tracking her, or should she just try to look as exciting as possible? Life when nobody else is home. People who exist solely to spend their trust funds, and why we won’t marry them.
Marci experiences a second horrifying farm incident—and calls for help. There is only one thing that makes Turi faint. The “Washington Post” ruins Turi’s fantasy car, and her firstborn wants a rain-check on his birthday.
Some things are returning to normal—live theater is back. Marci argues for her shoe habit. Marci plans a vacation. Turi throws a little shade at the planned getaway spot. Why Marci won’t drink the water.
Turi was never told that some medical replacement parts wear out. Now she’s learning. And when you die, if you’re cremated, what happens to all our titanium hips and ceramic inserts??? How hard IS it to disperse a box of ashes? Turi AND Marci have each learned hard lessons about what happens after the memorial service…..
The kids don’t want the good stuff. Turi’s fascination with the Sovereign Citizens extends to their Amazon habits. Marci was once asked to knock on their doors.
Marci’s neighbors are peeping tom Blackhawk Helicopter pilots, and she likes it that way. When kids know everything, stuff gets lost. When to inflict mental punishment on your adult child: a mother’s guide. How much longer can we listen to each other complain about the unvaccinated?
Marci’s brassiere on Instagram. Software malfunction. A conspiracy theory, featuring elves. Confusion at the dispensary, and Marci’s thrift store customers. Turi predicts Marci will end up a hoarder, and Marci admits the truth about her goats.
Making stuff you don’t want look appealing. Marci and I are having trouble remembering things….just as we did in school. Teachers are real people—and they may really hate you. We are living proof. On the other hand….maybe we earned that.
The spousal unit is proud that the Small Cutie is a softball casualty. Throwing up—a regular occurrence at Marci’s house. Strategic shopping: housewares and the regular puker. Banksy: how to prove you don’t like him. The TSA and Turi’s flea market shopping haul. Marci relives her experience being frisked by a prison guard.
Marci and Turi remember cars they have lived through: the one you get rid of when you kid figures out how fast it is, the one that smells like lizard poop, and the one you get into by mistake. Also, how to dress like a fast food, and Marci’s free body modification.
Marci’s goat is fascinated by lightening. The late night cop hangout, and a get out of jail free card. Turi gazes in awe at the profile of a woman crossing an Omaha street. Marci remembers happy hours shopping for a gargantuan brassiere. What we wish on men who wish we were “perky”.
Marci is anxious. After the fire, now there’s the monsoon—but Turi’s idea of rain barrels is rejected---even if she puts them to more creative purposes. The memorial for Turi’s friend has forced Turi to admit she can find fault with anything—especially if it’s half a tone flat. Marci confesses to the technique that enabled her to endure her kids’ band recitals. Turi explains child prodigies, to her children who are not child prodigies.
One of the reasons Marci is my beloved friend is the way she copes with the occasional unexpected mishap: a dead plumber and a distressed deputy, for example.
The Chicago Fire Department shows up on Turi’s block. Marci lives where there’s no Fire Department worth mentioning. How Marci’s mother accidently chose The Three Stooges as role models for her kids. Ways your cable company can invade your life. Do you smell something? It’s Marci’s skillet. The return of the returned kitten.
Marci explodes a bottle of conditioner—which Turi could find a use for. Both Marci and Turi each have teeth terror, and different tolerances for disgust. All things are possible with beach, and Pepto-Bismol, which also happens to be the best tool for dealing with Turi’s mother.
Even Marci’s dedicated flossing has not saved her from misery. Turi is still trying to clear up her dead friend’s estate—but the drama has escalated. A vanishing sympathy move. Tom Sawyer’s fence, but instead of whitewash, an oil painting of roses.
You know that guy who begins setting off fireworks in May, and keeps it up till September? Turi knows that guy. Explosions and other neighborly noises. Marci’s tips from her years as a journalist: How not to cover the story of a fire. Step 1: do not start the fire.
How important is the podcast to Marci? Not as important as getting rid of some kittens. Ninja stars and other things that just turn up in your house. The sound in Marci’s head is her toothbrush. The bottom of your purse. How to pick a surgeon using your screen protector: Turi’s new test. Marci has a physically violent interaction with a jar of baby wipes, which teaches her safety lesson.
Marci has been lied to by a kitten fosterer one too many times. She also needs to artificially grow some undersize felines, using any means necessary. Turi suggests a disguise, which Marci conveniently has lying around. How to surrender a dead person’s gun.
When you have a cold, everything looks like….oh, never mind. Trying to please the people you don’t like, more than the people you do like: a problem Turi has lived with her whole life. Ruining your good karma. Sound healing, and what you can do with it.
Turi is dodging the bills of her deceased friend. The great cigarette sting. Turi’s “Karen” moment. Marci can’t hide in a small town.
We plot Marci’s escape from the fire zone, but the fish need a “plan B”. Koi, and how to trick people into thinking you have them. A hospital’s apology is only as convincing as the person on the other end of your phone. Insurance, or crazy glue?
Marci is in fire territory. What will she take with her if she has to evacuate? Turi thinks she should skip the goldfish. Clifford the Big Red Truck loses a fight with a nail, and the little SUV teaches an economics lesson. Turi is embarrassed about three things, involving gifts, clean houses, and coupons. The bad karma of the bad ice cream place has arrived.
Marci (and all of Arizona) is in a heat wave. She WAS sharing her water with the creatures, but she’s gotten tougher. Outlets and airports. Turi endures a “high volume” traveller. Not the same as a frequent traveller. Look what’s in the water bowl. On second thought, DON’T look at what’s in the water bowl.
Turi makes a promise to her kids before she dies…hopefully, YEARS before she dies. Turi angles for an invitation—and an explanation. We rate Marci’s marriages, and some not-so-great reasons to be legally joined. Marci’s automotive prediction comes true.
Volunteers are not what they used to be. “I read all about it” does not mean you are educated. “The Weekly World News” is greatly missed, as it the supermarket where we used to peruse it. Whatever happened to “bat boy”?? Towns and bars you can’t pronounce unless you live there. Vaccine skeptics are the new undecided voters.
The second kitten-neutering trip to Utah is over. Marci’s daughter’s new boyfriend is in high courtship mode: he’s cleaning kitty litter. Marci, again, defends her goats, and explains that she lives on a ranch, and has a sign to prove it. Turi decides to put up her own sign, and makes a dire prediction.
Don’t have a favorite company. Costco just broke Turi’s heart a little. Cheese and cake? Zucchini and cake? Here, try a bite. People who should just admit they have no idea what they’re talking about. Yes, that includes us.
What your teachers thought was normal is not necessarily good. Marci’s psychology class “Porn in Your Pajamas”. Two sides to Michigan. Fear of junebugs, butterflies, and other non-threatening wildlife. Save it for the hummingbird hornets. A nature lesson—fuzzy is good. Turi diagnoses Marci’s house with an acute hygiene crisis.
We examine exactly how far under the skin Marci’s phobia lies. Will it affect the kittens she’s rescuing? How Turi gets off committees. Can it work for jury service? In a school for the gifted, sometimes the teachers are not.
Polite spousal answers to dangerous questions. Marci’s fashion sense, aka dressing to stay home. Middle age: which hair stays, and which hair goes. Turi’s job description for working from home. If you can wear your underwear backwards, Marci has the perfect product idea for you. She's thinking of bringing it to "Shark Tank". Hint: it involves elastic and spangles.
When a holiday should not be happy. Turi notices that some people are not able to distinguish between being “uncomfortable” and being “in pain”. Marci explains the difference with a real life example—in fact, a few examples. Turi was disciplined as a child for having parents from New York City—pronunciation was the giveaway. What your bra says about you.
Turi has been in the hospital for a procedure. Her review of the facility is in— Buy your popcorn, have yourself a super-cooled Covid vaccine, and take notes. Marci recounts her own inpatient brush with death. While you were out: Dog door be darned, Marci’s goats have penetrated the perimeter. Also, the word “prehensile” makes an appearance.
Turi is the drama queen of the operating table—and she has her reasons. Marci is back from the kitten neutering road trip—but the kittens are having an identity crisis. Why not change your pet’s name to “nail file” or “Cuisinart”?
Marci’s house is going to be goat-proof, or so she believes. How long can you delight in the return to your home of your adult children? Fear of large headed make believe characters, and how that, plus humidity, saved Marci from a job where pantyhose were required. Hankering for an exotic animal as a house-mate? Try this not-exactly-a-chinchilla.
Marci is going on a road trip with 27 soon-to-be-adoptable kittens, and Turi believes it’s her human mothering skills that have gone into the litter box. Weighing your baggage with you holding on to it. Dueling piles of laundry.
Marci’s pets are TP-ing her house, and garden, and goat. We remember when toilet paper was (briefly) more expensive than good wine. Marci experienced a chapstick shortage during Covid, and now she’s hoarding. The credit card bonus you didn’t see coming. And…two old pieces of equipment that Turi has grudgingly had to re-learn.
Turi’s entire medical history has apparently been made almost public. Marci points out a few ways she can hang onto a smidgen of a her private life, but are you willing to do what she does? And really, is it THAT hard to tell someone they’re on speakerphone???
Marci fondly recalls the punishments she meted out to her kids. Turi is far more practical when it comes to offspring discipline. Siblings and salamanders. Another Covid shortage explained.
Turi is grateful that her friend’s wife doesn’t hate her. When someone (like your spouse) tries to make you think you don’t know what you absolutely know. What’s wrong with the reality TV show guy with several wives, and what’s wrong with the wives. Why garlic and airports don’t mix.
Marci has her worst Mother’s Day ever. It sounded like the kind of Mothers Day Turi usually has, but this year she got smarter. The soon-to-be-missing tattoo. Middle age and the dollar store.
Turi has decided that the perfect is ABSOLUTELY the enemy of the good. And she can prove it with cookies. And, unlike her spouse, she also knows the difference between good, perfect, and garbage. Marci THINKS she knows what's trash...but then she changes her mind.
Why do people always want to give you a recipe for something that omits the ingredient only THEY are allergic to? Marci and Turi discover their wardrobe statement "that lady who lives in the bus stop". Marci wants a social media expert to make her rich. Turi experiences the clash of two centuries--at her doctor's office.
Why Turi doesn’t believe in conspiracies. How to get arrested in Bradenton, Florida. Something ELSE is missing in Marci’s house, and the search is humiliating. You can’t get rid of the smell of healthy food.
Marci’s daughter works at a wildlife refuge, which also has a bar. Not clear if the peacock was drinking there. How it can happen that you misread exotic plants, and end up in a battle zone. That thing you’ve been meaning to replace…for twenty years.
When you decide where to live, do you consider whether being able to rifle through the purses of riders on passing commuter trains is a good thing, or a bad thing? And does the smell of the factory down the block factor in? Your malodorous neighbor needs to know.
Marci teaches Turi about exotic bunny diseases and teenage pregnant cats. Turi recalls her birthing group experience---in Berkeley. The MRI and a tropical island: there’s no difference if you’re a certain kind of claustrophobic.
Turi learns about “Swedish Death Cleaning”. What we got for our birthdays. Hint: Turi’s husband is the worst gift giver of all time. How to get rid of stuff, and how to hypnotize yourself into getting back the stuff you accidentally got rid of--like your wedding ring.
Marci gets an unsolicited package…for her Harley. Turi has lived, learned, and hopes to keep all her parts. With Marci, accident prone is an understatement. Turi’s friend rides her secret Harley away from divorce court. Easier than divorce: gardening season.