When you come back home from the battlefield or the boardroom, it can be difficult to leave that person there. In this episode we’re going to dive into that with Kate Anthony, the host of the critically acclaimed and New York Times recommended podcast The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast and the creator of the groundbreaking online coaching program, Should I Stay or Should I Go? Kate empowers women to find their strength, passion, and confidence even in the most disempowering of circumstances.

Let’s jump right in and learn from Kate how knowing ourselves and showing more of ourselves can empower our relationships and challenge the Alpha-mindset that can destroy them.

Things you will learn in this episode:

[00:01 - 03:35] Opening Segment

• I introduce today’s guest, Kate Anthony
• Fellow podcaster and women’s coach
• Kate gives us some background
• Into brain/neuroscience
• Pro-healthy, happy relationships
• Diving into your own psyche
• Leading others is simple, it’s harder to lead oneself

[03:36 - 09:42] Leading Oneself Out of the Power Dynamic

• Kate talks about the importance of leading yourself
• It’s not just about control
• It’s about creating emotional safety for yourself and your partner
• Difference between aggression and assertiveness
• You can assert yourself without creating a hostile environment
• Aggression creates a power imbalance
• I talk about giving myself as an example for our conversation
• Kate talks about dominance within relationships
• Who you are at work needs to shift when you get home
• You don’t want that kind of dynamic at home
• Kate talks about the military conditioning
• It’s good out on the field
• It’s hard to let it go when you get home
• Acknowledging that vulnerability won’t get you killed

[09:43 - 20:05] The Power of Vulnerability

• Vulnerability is a strength within leadership not a weakness
• It grows bonds
• People listen to vulnerable people
• Responding to stories and experience
• “It’s not Your F***ing Job”
• It’s not other people’s job to heal your trauma
• This creates unfair resentment
• Asking for help, appropriately is the most manly thing you can do
• Male conditioning from a child
• The leader needs to show vulnerability first
• Redefining manhood
• Keeping things in leads to leaking out at the edges
• Doing the work on yourself trains your brain to think rationally in seemingly high stress situations
• Flipping the switch can become quicker
• There’s an attractiveness to a man who can be vulnerable

[20:06 - 26:46] Re-Defining Manhood

• Redefine manhood by redefining courage
• Not the opposite of fear
• Acceptance of fear and choosing to act
• It’s not manning up, it’s allowing softer places
• There's courage in vulnerability because it goes against the grain
• Kate talks about the need for Emotional Intelligence
• The top lacking feature in industry leaders
• Success comes from having EQ at your core
• Without it you won’t go farther than a certain point
• It can’t stop at academics
• Where we lose the EQ
• When you don’t have it you don’t seek it
• Very little teaching and training around it

[26:47 - 36:16] Closing Segment

• Resources for the audience?
• Links below
• Kate talks about attachment styles and their importance
• Understanding your spouse through communication
• Use “I” language
• When a woman is done, she’s done
• Get help before that point comes
• What legacy do you want to leave?
• Women need to be empowered to know they deserve to happy and there is healing available
• “If I could work myself out of a job as a divorce coach, I’d be F***ing happy”
• How to connect with you?
• See links below
• Stay tuned for Tactical Friday
• Final words

Tweetable Quotes:

“Dive into the deep waters of your own trauma, psyche, habits, patterns, attachment style, all of that… “ - Kate Anthony

“ I don’t think you can have a healthy, happy relationship if you don’t first really deeply examine yourself, because that’s who we bring to every relationship.” - Kate Anthony

“For me as a woman, a man who has gone to therapy has done the work, who is working on themselves, who owns their stuff, takes personal responsibility and can be vulnerable is… SO much hotter!” - Kate Anthony

Resources Mentioned:

• “It’s not Your F***ing Job” - podcast episode
• Now He Wants to Go to Therapy - podcast episode
• Attached - book
• Getting the Love You Want - book

You can connect with Kate on Instagram, and Facebook. Visit her website www.kateanthony.com/ and tune in to The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast for more content.

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