Responding to a low-EQ romantic partner
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We don’t all grow emotional muscles at the same rate. If you’re ahead of the one you love, here are some high-EQ ways to respond to low-EQ behaviour and poor listeners.
Take time to consider the feelings as well as the words that you want your partner to hear. If you’re not clear about what you need and why you need it, your message may be mixed up.
Select a time when you and your partner are not rushed or hassled. Take a walk together or make a date for brunch or dinner, but watch the alcohol if you want them to remember the discussion.
Send “I feel” messages—about your needs—if you want your partner to hear that something is wrong with them. For example, “I feel like making love more often, but I have this thing about the odour of onions and garlic, so would you be willing to brush your teeth before coming to bed?
If your partner reacts defensively to the feeling you’ve expressed, repeat their concerns: “You’re afraid that if I take this job, you and the kids will be neglected.”
Repeat your “I feel” message, then listen again and keep up the process until you’re satisfied you’ve been heard.
In all, patience is key. Allow your partner time to grow into who you see them to be.
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