This Subconscious Mind Mastery episode comes from a few recent conversations and observations I had where a common theme came up: Wounds from our childhood.
It hurts growing up. And, in a sad way, we often very unintentionally hurt our kids as well.
This subconscious cycle can be broken - that's the good news! But, because we're dealing with others (and their often unhealed wounds), the process can sometimes be arduous.
Let's talk about it!
Thomas
Welcome to the subconscious mind mastery podcast. Thomas Miller. Thanks for joining us. Glad you're here. We got an interesting topic today that really I think has come from you and I'll tell you why. Because as you know, we have a Facebook page, subconscious mind mastery podcast listeners on Facebook.
And if you ask to join the group, it's a private group. There are four questions that are right there at the beginning. And a lot of people don't, they don't answer the questions. Well, one of the reasons the questions are there is because I like to see why you want to be in our group. I've been noting, making a list of all of the answers of those over a period of time.
And it's very clear that the number one issue is healing. Childhood wounds. Which really shouldn't be any surprise because that's how this whole podcast got started in the beginning over eight years ago, from my own journey of exploring how to heal my childhood wounds. So why would it not be the number one issue?
And I mean, let's be Frank about it for many of us growing up hurt. And then in the cruel irony of earth, when we set out to be parents. The last thing we wanted to do was hurt our kids. And what do we do? We hurt our kids and we carry that guilt. So I've seen three reminders of this, this week. And they were conversations basically where I observed one way or another childhood wounds.
And in each case, the people weren't even aware of it. And that's the big deal. So we, we know that we have these childhood wounds, right. We know that our upbringing left us scarred in some way or another, and we've done the best to either mask it, deal with it. We've carried it X far, but life is peeling an onion.
So we're here with it until we exit. I mean, I, I would imagine you could make great strides. And I would imagine that it also is something that the onion would never stop peeling. Maybe if you hit enlightenment under a boat eye tree, you might get, if you do, my email isThomas@subconsciousmindmastery.com.
Right? Email me I'd love to know. So here was one example where this showed up was having a conversation with a friend and. I was thinking about this before the window opened up to say this, but it just was so perfect. So the universe opened up the space and as it worked out, it was just the perfect timing.
So I wasn't going to say anything about it. And then it was like, oh, it just opened up. And it was in the context of the conversation. So I mentioned that this friend in our phone conversations would often interrupt me. Like I wouldn't even get the sentence finish. He was on his way to the, to the next thing, just cut, you know, cut off.
And I, you know, I'm real, I realized that this is typical and common today. Fred pointed this out to me about me several years ago and same thing cutting off, jumping on, stepping on no dead air. I mean, look, I was a disc jockey my sophomore year in college, right? I mean, no dead air is the radio monitor. I mean, if you put silence into spoken word,
now that it was only five seconds, but how many of you started thumping on your phones? There's something wrong. We can't stand it. So in our conversations, we just jump on the other person, which to me is a, a form of disrespect. And I get that now I've really, introspected this of allowing somebody else, just the space to complete, and then even give a pause.
Even if they had an afterthought, this is so hard to do. I'm telling you, I have a hard time with this. Of course I do wait until they finished talking, give them some space and see if they don't come up with that afterthought. So what you have to do is, as they come up with the afterthought is just about the same timing that you would start talking.
So now you're both talking on top of each other. Again, I'm telling you, I'm telling you I've been playing with it. So the point is to just breathe and relax. And when I interviewed Fred, I edit those interviews, but what you don't hear are the seconds. I mean, long seconds of pauses. So what's happening in those pauses.
Listening gathering the next thought from inside instead of from the head calming the monkey mind and just allowing space space. It's a good thing. What my friend and I talked about was that, uh, exactly what his issue was, was needing to hear. From intuition from inside. So I asked about his practice of when he connected with intuition and it was at a specific, like a designated thing.
Okay. I'm going to call my mind now. It was an activity, right? It was something you do with the intention of getting in touch with intuition. And I think for most of us, that's how it's done. Right. We do a yoga practice and that's our switch. Like, boom. It just goes on me, hit the hiking trail. Some of you love to journal and in your writing, like free writing and it just spills out.
And you know that you can pick up that pen and put it on the paper and it's going to be there for you. Well, my point to him was rather than making it an activity, make it an always on part of your life. Oh, now we're talking about something. So rather than listening for the intuition during your cup of coffee in the morning, what I'm talking about is being in a state of presence where that is always available to you, and it's available to you in the moment that you need it, because remember intuition often presents itself in a spark or a flash or a moment.
And then if you don't act on it, that window is gone. I mean, why doesn't the universe map out our agenda on a monthly basis for us, you know, send us a memo. It's that we learn to live an inhale, exhale, breathe in. And the way that the intuition speaks to us is in the silence. It's in the quiet it's when we're not talking.
And it's even when our monkey mind is not monkey minding, it's not chattering. And that's, what's hard to do because what's happening in the phone conversation is your hearing and already formulating the thought, the mental process of the next question. And once you get the thought, boom, you cut the person off because you've got your thoughts.
And whatever they have to say, oh, you know what they're going to say. It's the last seven words of the sentence that don't matter anymore because you already know what they are. Your mind has engaged now, your mouth is engaged and the other person has kind of left there sometimes, probably a little bit taken back.
Um, you're listening to somebody who is really good at this. Okay. So just know I'm working through this. My radio show in Dallas has really helped me with this because it's a talk show. So we let each other finish on purpose. And in the exercise of doing that, I've learned that little bit of pause because I've been editing it on a timeline.
So I, myself, if you've been in conversation with me, I, and if I have cut off, know that I am deliberately working on that. And if for those of you who know and engage in conversation with me that if I do that, while we're on the phone, I not only invite you, I implore you to please point it out in the moment.
It might be a good thing for a lot of you to do with close friends. Just say, Hey, you know what? I'm working on something. And if I happen to speak before you're finished, would you just let me know now here's the deal that's working on the performance. That's working on the, what we do, it's working on the verb.
But what we need to do is get under the skin of that and work on the noun. We need to work on being present. See, this is where you put being before doing. If we just focus on not cutting people off on the phone, then our mind is engaged in thinking about not cutting people off on the phone. Wrong focus.
What we need to do is practice the skill of being present. Cause when we're present, there really is no end to that sentence. Right? It's a flow. And the conversation becomes a dance. So you let them stop talking and you pause. And if they are a conscious co conversationalist, they will pause. So you don't have to worry about getting your words snipped off and you just finish your thought and you ponder and you think, and you reflect and you listen.
Is there something from inside? That might come up right here. That's actually what I did in this conversation. And I felt the window open to bring it up. And as I brought it up, he was extremely receptive. Very grateful started doing that. I mean, this is somebody that's been working on. Actually, he was one of the earliest listeners of this podcast.
And he started doing the work because he knows how to do it. He's been on this ride for eight years and instantly changed and turned things around. And let me know, by the end of that day, what he had done that day, he took action that day to sit down and tune in. And, but again, it's not just a one-time thing now it's about doing it all the time.
It will be as, as ridiculous as saying, okay, at four o'clock this afternoon, I am going to go breathe and I'm going to get all of my afternoon air that I need for the rest of the day. And at night, while I'm asleep, I'm going to breathe for 20 minutes at four o'clock this afternoon. If you did that by five o'clock, you would be a, a former listener, right?
It's like, uh, none of us would make it for more than a few minutes. Well, it's the same. If we apply that same analogy, like how could I even live live without being tuned in all through the day? This is why the yoga people mentioned the breath as part of our flow, that it just becomes this daily connection.
This always present connection to something beyond our monkey mind. Does this make sense? Is this resonating? I hope that this point is connecting, not in any kind of critical way, but in a way of let's explore all of this together. So that for anybody who's listened to this podcast, if we have a conversation with each other, that there are a lot of gaps of just dead air.
Wouldn't that be awesome. And I think our conversations today don't invite that because everybody's so fast. Bubba, Bubba, Bubba, Bubba. And we just need to slow down because nobody's tuned in to that conversation. And I brought a lot of them in the, and get it done as fast as you can and get off rather than letting it breathe.
Because if you could, if my friend could come on here and tell you what he heard, when he got quiet, it blow you away. I mean, it, it radically changed the difference of several key areas of his life instantly. That's how powerful this is. Now, couple of other observations, and these were just observations during interactions where I heard childhood wounds come up and the common theme of each of these three really we've we put the phone call and these two other observations of recent conversation where I just saw a definite need either to be heard or to be recognized.
As significant. And then I got to thinking about this, you know what? These are all the same thing, because even the interrupting on the phone and having to jump on the sentence and, you know, change the conversation or take over the conversation is all about not being heard. It's about not being valued.
It's about not being significant. And what was the biggest line that I heard when in my child. Children are to be seen and not heard. No, I heard it a lot, especially when we went to my grandparents, apartment children are to be seen and not heard. Can you imagine telling a developing, growing soul to just be a shadow in the room?
Wow. Yeah, that puts an imprint on us. Doesn't it? How many of you were told that? I would be really curious how many of you were told in one, some way or another, that as a child, you were to shut up, get out of the way, not be heard, not interject, not be valued and certainly not be significant. You're a kid.
Well, we've had it done. And then we turn around and do it to others and to our own kids. And if you want to spot this in others, just watch for the reactions. So this either shows up as resistance or resistance to a conversation or a rebuttal, like having to be right. Correcting you. See if you're in flow.
If you're in the flow, if you're just, oh, Fred's doing a book on flow. I can't wait to share this with you. I need to get permission. And I'll send you an early chapter because this book is going to be so. Talking about being in a state of flow. When you're in the state of flow, somebody makes a misstatement of some sort in and bother you a bit.
You just roll with it. If it needs to be maybe pointed out in the context of the conversation. Okay, you do that, but it's not having to be right. Or another place that shows up or a little self-defeating comments. My mom would do this a lot. Where the person becomes a martyr of sorts. The common theme on that one is that an action taken.
In other words, putting something out into the space that is not received equals rejection. That's the big one. My mom did this all the time. I can spot this one a mile away. So if something is not received or if a gesture is not appreciated, or if conversation is not listened to then. The person takes it on themselves, that they are bad, wrong unworthy, et cetera.
In the drama triangle. It's the perfect being the victim. Oh, they're saying this to you. You didn't accept my ex therefore I'm bad. See, I'm the victim. I'm putting that in the perspective of the other person through the eyes and the ears and the mouth of the other. You didn't receive my gesture. Therefore I am bad and wrong and not worthy and no good.
When you develop eyes to watch for it. If you spotted a mile away, that's another one where the, again, this common theme is not being significant. That's all it is. If parents are gone, then it's pretty easily resolved. And I'm not saying this casually, but the risk, the resolution, because the parents aren't there to have a conversation with it's resolved through a choice.
You identify where it came from and you make a choice in the opposite direction of that point of origin. So wherever it showed up in your family, you find the opposite and you choose in that opposite direction. Now many of you still have family and parents around who create that situation whenever you get together.
And the dilemma with that is the unresected Vivity of said parents to any kind of discussion about it. This is where it's more difficult. If you are an adult and presumably out of the house, then boundaries are the study or the operative word here. A really good phrase that can come to your aid is well, that just doesn't work for me right now.
Hey, I remember I had a conflict with my mom one night. She wanted to press into a conversation that I did not want to have. I was there feeding my dad who had Parkinson's and couldn't he had gotten to the point where he basically couldn't feed himself in any kind of expedient time. And my mom wanted to press this conversation and I was feeding dad and, uh, she pressed on and crossed the boundary and actually threw a dish rag and hit me in the back of the head.
And I just said, dad, I'm so sorry, but I very difficult period. I had to set the fork down and leave with my mom, chasing me out the door. But I just was not willing to let that boundary be violated. And that was years before I had the tools that I have now. I probably would've done something to sequester mom and, or try to, but, you know, look, she reacted with flashy, anger, and usually in that moment, there was no resolution to.
So I get it. And that brings each of us to our own way of having to deal with it. By that time I had had 48, almost 50 years of dealing with it. And I just wasn't up for, uh, in that setting, continuing to face the abuse, if you will. I had no other tools. She had no other tools. So partying. Sometimes you have to do that so that you're, it's known that you're serious and then you can come back and retest it.
Like then you've leased, you've got the ammunition to say, you know, that I will leave now. I'd rather stay here and feed dad. But if you don't table, this, I will do exactly. As I did before problem is don't threaten it. If you don't carry it out, that goes with disciplining children. Uh, I need to do a podcast on that sometime.
I've got a great way of it works so well of working with kids, but the greatest weapon, I just tell you what it is is for a child who knows your word is your word than it is 100% predictable. Then that is golden as far as discipline, that works that often. And I know it's not in every case, but just often works really well the first time.
So let's summarize. Number one, pause to listen through the day, make that a way of being rather than a verb at a certain time on the clock. Second, go back and reflect on unhealed wounds, and then just watch and observe your own behavior. For times that you might click into some kind of victim mode. Just use that as your marker at any point in any kind of way.
Do I make myself appear as a victim? I can think of a couple right now, actually, since I've started talking this through, I've got a couple of things that I'm going to pay more attention to. Number three, when possible, simply heal with a choice. So find the opposite and commit to that path, do it with repetition, intentional repetition until the process changes until you get the shift.
And then if the source of the conflict is still there. Then set intentions, look for those conversation points where it can be discussed, not in the conflict of the moment. And I'm going to say this very, self-serving only tell the other person about this podcast because seriously, the more people we can get living consciously, the more we can get past this stuff.
Tell them we're all on a journey and we've got a great community. Invite them to the Facebook page, subconscious mind mastery podcast listeners, and we'll all carry on on this journey together. Try and one day at a time, one step at a time to make it better. Thanks so much for listening through on this. I hope some of it has helped and until we talk next time, enjoy the journey.
I'm Thomas Miller. Thanks for listening.
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