Our guest on this episode is Lauren Duncan, a transgender engineer. Lauren shares the story of her transition, from growing up a boy to realizing who she was always meant to be. She also describes a video that was put together at her work that celebrates her transition and her identity as a transwoman. Lauren offers practical advice for allies for how to better support their trans friends and families.

Main Ideas

There is Hope for People Who Want to Transition

• It takes courage to be honest with yourself about who you want to be.
• It is often not worth the emotional debt to live a burdensome lie.

Assimilation is Often Isolating

• Lauren initially wanted to go back in the closet, so to speak.
• The desire to keep a low profile just slows progress.
• It is often about encouraging others to lift themselves up, too.
• Her transition in the workplace story was overwhelmingly positive.

How Can We Be Better Allies?

• Don’t deadname: use the names and pronouns a trans person uses.
• Ask everyone their pronouns to normalize the conversation.
• Let trans people decide the level of information they are comfortable sharing.
• Be familiar with terms in the community, like “deadname,” “cisgender” and more.

“Passing” in the Trans Community

• Also called blending and assimilation, it is a detrimental standard to put on trans people.
• Do not base the success of someone’s transition on what everyone else looks like.
• View support as the ultimate end goal of your relationship with trans people.

What Lauren Loves About Being Herself

• Lauren is so much more curious, bold, and brave now that she has transitioned.
• The profound courage of the trans community alone is enough to celebrate them.

KEY Thoughts

3’45” — “Knowing that I was female was always intrinsic to me; there was never a doubt in my mind.”

7’20” — “Self-realization is not worth living two lives.”

11’15” — “I wanted people who might feel the way I do to see themselves in mystory...I wanted to make that impact.”

14’45” — “I see the change in equipping allies with information to be more helpful.”

20’30” — “People think the medical history of trans people should be public knowledge, but that’s just not acceptable.”

25’10” — “Statistics can be a great eye-opener to the struggle of trans people.”

27’40” — “Are you ever going to feel comfortable coming out and transitioning if you are expected to pass in a way that won’t be possible?”

32’30” — “Transitioning and realizing who you are, and embracing it, is so beautiful.”

Watch Lauren’s Coming Out Video on YouTube.