The Joe Martino Show: Recent Episodes
Joe Martino
A professional counselor and author sharing tips on emotional security, relational health and better mental health.
Please Note: Some podcast players were unable to load the full version of this episode, therefore I am reloading it here. If you haven't heard, child estrangement with adult parents is on the rise. A recent research article reported that nearly 30% of parents who are estranged from their children blame therapy. But, is that a good way to construct a study?What does it mean for us today as we try to live and be fully human?In today's episode, my wife joins the show and we discuss both the clinical side and the personal side.Let's talk about parental/child estrangement and what that looks like in a healhty way. How much responsibility should therapy hold?
If you haven't heard, child estrangement with adult parents is on the rise. A recent research article reported that nearly 30% of parents who are estranged from their children blame therapy. But, is that a good way to construct a study? What does it mean for us today as we try to live and be fully human? In today's episode, my wife joins the show and we discuss both the clinical side and the personal side. Let's talk about parental/child estrangement and what that looks like in a healhty way. How much responsibility should therapy hold? Episode 355 is live.
Summer is almost over. For many that means it’s time to buy new spikes, water bottles and fall sports gear.It’s time to send half of the family north for one game, while the other half goes south for a different game.It’s time to either eat late at night at home or in a fast food joint.It's time for life to speed up to chaos level (if it ever slowed down).And it’s for a good cause. Youth sports can be incredible for kids. They can teach resilience, teamwork, discipline, perseverance, and how to win and lose well.But none of those lessons are automatic.In this episode, we look at what happens when youth sports stop being something kids do and become something adults build around them. We explore the hidden costs of the culture we've created around youth athletics.We also look at research challenging the assumption that sports automatically build character and ask a more important question:Who are our kids becoming through this experience?Youth sports can help shape healthy, resilient adults. They can also teach anxiety, entitlement, blame, and that personal value depends on performance.The difference may have less to do with the sport and more to do with the adults surrounding it.
Today's episode takes us all the way back to episode one as part of my somewhat sporadic summer review series.We're revisiting one of the foundational ideas behind almost everything I do as a counselor, consultant, and in my own relationships: emotional security.What is emotional security? Why does it matter? How does it change the way we handle conflict, build trust, and grow stronger relationships?Whether you're trying to repair a struggling relationship, deepen a healthy one, or simply become a wiser, more emotionally mature person, this conversation lays the groundwork. It explores the philosophy that undergirds nearly everything I teach in couples therapy and throughout my work.If you've ever felt stuck in your relationships or wanted to understand why some people seem to grow through life's challenges while others stay trapped by them, this is a great place to start.
You hear it regularly. I know I do. “I don’t feel safe.” And that can be important. Manipulation exists, Abuse, and real danger is out there. But what if we've started using the language of safety to describe something else entirely? What if we actually confuse discomfort at being disagreed with or being held responsible for our actions with feeling unsafe?In this episode, Joe explores the growing tendency to confuse emotional discomfort with actual danger, and why that distinction matters. Drawing on psychology, neuroscience, and years of counseling experience, he explains how avoiding discomfort can actually increase anxiety, shrink our lives, and keep us from becoming the people we're meant to be.From parenting and marriage to leadership, faith, and everyday relationships, this conversation challenges us to ask a better question:Am I truly unsafe, or am I simply being asked to do something difficult?If you've ever avoided a hard conversation, struggled with criticism, or wondered why anxiety seems more common than ever, this episode is for you.Courage comes when we learn to experience our fear and examine it for the proper response.
Summer is almost over. What do you want to do because you're afraid people will judge you? What are you afraid to try because you might fail? Life is so short. Make sure you live it. If this resonates with you, this is what I talk about in today’s episode of the Joe Martino Show.
Today's episode deals with grief. How do we experience it? How do we live fully when we feel heartbroken and our world is falling apart around us? A friend of mine recently lost his son who was trying to save someone else. Twenty-four hours later, another friend lost her dad unexpectedly. Grief and sorrow is part of life and comes for us all. Originally recorded and shared almost two years ago when our community experienced incredible loss, this episode continues our summer series of replays.
Today's episode is a replay of a previous episode on constructs. What are they? How do they help us? How do they potentially hurt us? If you've heard it before, may it serve as a fresh reminder. If you've never heard it before, may it bring you something to chew on and grow from. From the original episode description: Constructs serve as the scaffolding of our understanding, akin to mental models, guiding us through the complexities of our existence. They aid us in deciphering the world’s intricacies, offering both clarity and confusion. However, to ensure our mental landscapes remain healthy and unbiased, we must periodically scrutinize our constructs for accuracy and impartiality. Join us in this episode as we explore the profound impact of constructs on our perception of the world and emotional well-being, uncovering the delicate balance between their benefits and pitfalls.
The current conversations around phones and our kids reminds me a lot of past conversations around our kids, spanking and what it means to train our children. There was a lot of all or nothing fallacies thrown around back then. I think that’s happening often today with the conversation around phones and our kids. Phones are not going away. Social media is not disappearing. AI is only becoming more integrated into everyday life. So what if the goal of parenting is not to eliminate technology, but to teach our kids how to live wisely with it?In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, I tackle the growing panic around kids, screens, and technology. From smartphones to social media, the modern conversation often falls into extremes: either technology is destroying children, or parents simply do not care. I think there is a better path.Drawing comparisons to past moral panics around television, radio, novels, and even the parenting debates around spanking, this episode explores why fear-based parenting rarely produces maturity. Instead of treating technology like forbidden treasure, I discuss practical ways parents can guide their children through the digital world with wisdom, boundaries, discernment, and ongoing conversation.This is not an argument for unlimited screen time or passive parenting. It is a conversation about raising future adults who know how to handle freedom responsibly in a world where technology is everywhere.
Mental health diagnoses can be incredibly helpful. They can bring understanding, reduce shame, and help people find the support they need. But somewhere along the way, many of us started turning diagnoses into identities.In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, I talk about the growing tendency to define ourselves by anxiety, trauma, ADHD, depression, and other labels instead of seeing them as part of a larger story. I explores how social media has amplified identity-driven mental health culture, why explanation is not the same thing as destiny, and how overidentifying with struggle can quietly keep people stuck.I have no interest in a conversation about denying mental health. I am hopeful, we can have a conversation about reclaiming agency, responsibility, and hope without dismissing pain.If you’ve ever felt trapped by a label, overwhelmed by mental health language online, or afraid that your struggles define you, give this episode a listen. See if it breaks something loose for you.
People love blaming phones for everything.Social media is ruining kids.Technology is destroying families.Phones are why people don’t want children anymore.But what if that explanation is far too shallow?In this Mental Health Awareness Month episode of The Joe Martino Show, I push back on the growing tendency to blame objects for deeply human problems. This conversation explores why technology may not be creating our cultural struggles as much as it is exposing and amplifying values that were already there.From comfort culture and instant gratification to sacrifice, meaning, parenting, resilience, and the loss of transcendence, this episode wrestles with the deeper questions underneath rising anxiety, loneliness, and emotional fragility.Because maybe the real issue isn’t the phone in our hand.Maybe it’s the worldview shaping the person holding it.
Life gets hard. That’s not a surprise. What throws people off is how they think we handle that reality.Most people slow down, overthink, and wait for things to feel better before they move. And that’s exactly where they get stuck.In this episode, I breaks down why growth doesn’t come from feeling ready, motivated, or certain. It comes from movement. Even small movement. Especially small movement.You’ll hear a real-life story about pushing forward in a hard season, along with practical ways to keep going when everything in you wants to shut it down.If you’ve been stuck, overwhelmed, or waiting for the “right time,” this episode will challenge that pattern and give you a different way forward.You don’t need the whole plan.You just need the next step.
Mental Health Awareness Month is everywhere. But awareness alone doesn’t change anything.In this episode, I take a look at what helps beyond awareness. There is not vague advice nor is there an overcomplicated systems. Just simple, practical ways to start improving your mental health right now.You’ll learn why waiting to feel better keeps people stuck, how your daily habits shape your mental state, and five actions you can start today to move in a better direction.If you’ve been feeling off, overwhelmed, or just not like yourself, this episode gives you a place to start.
Everybody’s ex is a narcissist. Your boss is toxic. Your parent is a psychopath. At least that’s what the internet would have you believe.In today’s episode, Joe tackles the rise of weaponized psychology labels and what happens when real clinical terms become everyday insults. He explores why people reach for words like narcissist, gaslighting, toxic, and sociopath after painful relationships, why those labels can feel validating, and how they can also keep us stuck.This episode is not about defending harmful behavior. Some people are manipulative. Some relationships do real damage. But not every painful experience requires a diagnosis.
Most people think the solution to bad information is better information.Truthfully? That helps, but it’s incomplete.Sometimes the real solution is refusing to give garbage your time in the first place.We live in a world where everyone wants access to your attention. Outrage wants it. Fear wants it. Algorithms want it. Scammers want it. Performers want it. Even well-meaning people often bring noise into your life.So many people are mentally exhausted because they keep trying to process everything.This episode is about a skill almost nobody teaches: How to ignore what does not deserve space in your mind.This is not about denial. This is not about becoming uninformed.This is about discernment.This is about living intentionally.
Validation started as a helpful idea. It meant helping people feel seen, heard, and understood. Somewhere along the way, many people began treating validation as something else entirely.Now some people expect agreement when they ask for understanding. They expect protection from discomfort. They expect others to affirm every feeling, every interpretation, and every reaction.That is not validation. That is emotional immunity.In this episode, I break down the difference between validating someone’s experience and agreeing with their conclusions. He explains why this confusion damages relationships, shuts down honest conversations, and leaves people less resilient, not more.If you’ve ever been told you were “invalidating” simply because you disagreed, this episode is for you.
If you finally worked up the courage to have a hard conversation and it blew up in your face, this episode is for you.Maybe they got defensive. Maybe they attacked. Maybe they avoided the whole thing and somehow you walked away feeling like you were the problem.In this follow-up to the episode on how silence kills relationships, Joe talks about what to do when the person you need to talk to refuses to engage in a healthy way. You’ll learn how to think about what is actually happening, what is and is not your responsibility, and how to move forward when the other person won’t meet you halfway.Sometimes the issue is not that you had the conversation wrong.Sometimes the issue is that the other person does not want to have it at all.
A listener named Chris wrote in with a problem a lot of people have but almost nobody wants to say out loud.He has a long-time friend named Mike. He genuinely likes Mike. But he can’t stand Mike’s wife or most of his kids. What used to be easy family hangouts has turned into something both he and his wife dread. He’s not alone.So what do you do when you really value a friendship, but being around that person’s family drains the life out of you?In this episode, I talk about why this is more common than people admit, why people often handle it poorly, and how to protect a friendship without pretending you enjoy dynamics you really don’t.We get into the reality that friendship does not require full access to every part of someone’s life. Sometimes the relationship doesn’t need to end. It just needs a different structure.If you’ve ever started pulling away from a friend because of their spouse, their kids, or the overall chaos that comes with being around them, this episode is for you.
Most people don’t actually solve their problems. They analyze them, talk about them, complain about them, explain them, or wait for them to go away.But solving a problem requires something different.It requires responsibility, clarity about what’s actually happening, and a willingness to move.In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, we walk through a practical five-step framework for solving problems in your life, relationships, leadership, and personal growth.1.Define the problem.2.Define the responsibilities that brought you to the problem.3.Define the solution.4.Identify the action steps.5.Decide how and when you will evaluate progress.If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re circling the same issues over and over again, this episode will give you a simple structure to help you move forward.
Most people think their situation is different.Different pain. Different story. Different obstacles.And on the surface, that can feel true. But that belief quietly traps us.In this episode, we unpack how the idea that “no one understands me” can keep us stuck, isolated, and spinning in the same patterns. Not because our pain isn’t real, but because believing it’s unique changes how you respond to it.We’ll talk about why this mindset shows up, how it protects you in the short term, and why it costs you in the long run.If you’ve ever felt like your situation is the exception… this one is for you.
When someone hurts us, we’re not responsible for their wrongdoing. We are responsible for our response and subsequent growth. We give up our own power when we wait for an apology to move forward. It’s not fair, but fair is a place where you pay people to pet pigs. We will always be stuck as long as we wait for fair to engage our own growth. Our growth, our healing is 100% on us. Truthfully, we all tend to resist this idea but in today’s podcast, I want to dig into the incredible healing that we can experience when we take ownership of our growth. Episode 336 is live.
Most people say they value honesty. They say hard conversations are necessary for healthy relationships.But watch what people actually do.They avoid them.They delay them. They soften them. They convince themselves that staying quiet is wisdom or patience. Sometimes they even call it “keeping the peace.”But avoiding hard conversations doesn’t protect relationships. It slowly weakens them.Avoidance always charges distance. The cost is incredibly high. Every. Time.In this episode we talk about why people avoid conflict, what that avoidance is quietly doing to relationships, and why emotional maturity requires the ability to tolerate tension.Hard conversations aren’t the problem.Avoidance is.If you struggle with confrontation, overthinking conversations, or resentment building in relationships, this episode will help you understand why—and what to do about it.Episode 335 of The Joe Martino Show is live.
Do you find yourself overexplaining a lot? Do you delay hard conversations because you’re worried about how the other person will take it? Do you find yourself caught in the quagmire of resentment? Do you struggle to have boundaries because you’re concerned that the other person’s feelings will be hurt? Are you struggling with the impulse to rescue people? Do things you don’t actually have time for because you don’t want to be seen in a negative light? Does other people’s pain run your life? Are you a people pleaser?If any of these are true for you, this episode is for you. The modern religion of empathy has hijacked our agency on how we live our lives. Its adherents preach that you are responsible for my emotions and feelings. They take hostage a person’s ability to choose boundaries. Let’s look at how boundaries and empathy can coexist. What does it mean to live in a healthy way with both? Episode 334 of The Joe Martino Show is live.
Have you ever wondered what emails I might get as a podcast host? Today, I read two of my favorites. Then the episode dives into the truth that our growth will often be painful. Often when people encounter that pain, they stop engaging the growth process. In this episode we dive into how the change process can hurt and that often means we’re doing good things. Growth subtracts while it adds. We explore the grief that comes with change and how to foster the courage to grow.
Calm gets praised. It gets rewarded. It gets mistaken for health. But emotional quiet is not always emotional maturity. In this episode, we unpack the difference between true regulation and strategic shutdown, and why some forms of calm are rooted in fear, control, or avoidance. You’ll learn how to tell whether your peace is grounded and flexible or dependent on silence and compliance. Because real emotional health is not the absence of tension. It is the ability to stay present when tension shows up. Episode 336 of the Joe Martino Show is live.
There is a common assumption in the world today: how someone feels after a conversation is the best way to judge how well the conversation went. If they aren’t offended, what we said was good, loving or right. But feelings were never meant to be the scoreboard. They’re data, not conclusions. In this episode, I unpack why using emotional reaction as the final verdict quietly undermines honesty, clarity, and growth, and I offer better metrics for navigating hard conversations without confusing discomfort with harm or emotional safety with emotional comfort.Episode 330 of The Joe Martino Show is live.
Accountability often feels like an attack, not because it is one, but because of what it touches in us. In this episode, I unpack why responsibility can feel threatening, how shame and emotional fusion distort feedback, and why defensiveness is often about fear rather than arrogance. We’ll talk about the difference between emotional safety and emotional comfort, what healthy accountability actually sounds like, and how to respond when someone shuts down instead of owning their part. This episode is for anyone who wants honest relationships without turning every hard conversation into a fight.
It’s become a rallying cry. Parents are told they must validate a child’s emotions during a full-blown tantrum. Adults expect other adults to accept and validate emotional outbursts without question. The message is everywhere.In many ways, this is a good thing. For a long time, emotions were dismissed, minimized, or shamed.But somewhere along the way, validating emotions started to mean something it was never meant to mean.Does validation require standing by while a toddler destroys property?Does it mean accountability disappears?Does it mean every emotional reaction is justified simply because it exists?Or is there a way to validate emotions while still holding clear standards for behavior?I believe there is.In this episode, I unpack what emotional validation means, what it doesn’t, and how we can navigate big emotions, our own and other people’s, without losing responsibility, boundaries, or wisdom.If you’ve ever felt confused, pressured, or unsure about how to handle intense emotions, this episode is for you.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. This season may not be what you had hoped. I grieve for and with you. If your holiday is exactly what you hoped for, I celebrate with you.
How do you tell the difference between someone who’s truly toxic and someone who just annoys you? In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, I break down five clear markers of toxic behavior and how to spot them without overusing therapy-speak. We’ll also talk about how boundaries get misused, why “gaslighting” has become a catch-all label, and how to think more clearly about the people in your life. Episode 326 is live now.
In this episode, we explore the surprising mental and emotional benefits of reading books you don’t enjoy. From expanding your perspective to building resilience, we break down why pushing through uncomfortable or challenging material can actually strengthen your mind. You’ll learn how disliked books sharpen critical thinking, deepen emotional capacity, and reveal hidden parts of your own preferences. If you’ve ever felt guilty for quitting a book—or frustrated while trying to finish one—this conversation will give you a new way to approach the reading life.
Recently my son accidentally ruined an entire freezer full of meat. In today’s episode I use this event and my response to it to explain five steps that anyone can use to change their lives. Episode 324 is live. Don't forget to subscribe and share.
Family stress seems to be more of a theme around the holidays. It seems to me most people are caught between wanting to spend time with family and not wanting to wade through the distress of a divisive political conversation. In today’s episode, I share some strategies to finding a peaceful way to spend time with family and avoid the divisive, blood pressure rising conversations. Episode 323 is live.
Nearly all of us say we hate cancel culture, but in this episode, I explore the possibility that maybe we like it a little bit more than we let on. What happens when all or nothing combines with a dislike of being questioned?Often, we engage in a mini version of cancel culture. That is to say, we stop talking to the person because we don’t like something that they said about something we believe. What is the long-term effects of that? Let’s find out in this episode together.Episode 322 of The Joe Martino Show is live.
The words you speak shape the world you live in. When you learn to own that truth, you can stop reacting to life and start creating it, one word at a time.This episode dives into how your language defines your reality, your mindset, and your freedom.Let’s talk about how changing your words can change your world.Episode 321 is live now.
When life shifts, we like to think we’re being tested, but most of the time, we’re being revealed. Change doesn’t create your character; it exposes it. In this episode, we’ll talk about how turmoil shows what’s really driving you, and how to use those moments to grow instead of spiral. You’ll walk away with practical steps to examine your reactions, identify what’s under them, and start shaping the kind of character that holds steady no matter what’s falling apart. You’ll learn these eight steps:1. Observe Your Default Reactions2. Ask the “Why” Question—Twice3. Identify Your Anchors4. Look for Repeating Patterns5. Invite Honest Feedback6. Choose a Character Target7. Practice Reflection, Not Regret8. Anchor Change in Daily Habits
Are you one person at work and another at home? In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, we talk about what happens when the version of you your family gets isn’t the same one everyone else sees—and how to start closing that gap. Plus, I answer a listener question about “The Rule of Three” and how it can change the way you approach relationships and growth. Listen now here or on your favorite podcast platform.
What do you do when the person who raised you can’t celebrate you? In this episode, I respond to a listener whose father’s health struggles and jealousy make their relationship complicated. We’ll unpack the tension of situations like this, and how to carry success without shame or guilt.
Date night at Costco. Yep, you read that right. While strolling the aisles of free samples and bulk toilet paper, my wife and I watched a dad trying—really trying—to parent gently. It sparked a bigger conversation: when does gentle parenting cross the line into ineffective parenting? And what does that reveal about the way we talk to ourselves when what we’re doing isn’t working? If you have kids, this episode is sure to spark some conversation and thought for you. Don’t have kids? There’s plenty here for you too.
Civil discourse feels harder to find every day. Last week, a prominent conservative figure was executed, and what troubled me most were the responses that followed. Not long ago, a young woman was murdered on public transportation, and the government tried to cover it up—afraid of how the public might respond.This episode isn’t about reliving those events. It’s about what they reveal: how quickly respectful conversation breaks down and how much we need to reengage across our differences.In Episode 315 of The Joe Martino Show, I share how we can get back to real dialogue by using the Rule of Three. My hope is to give you practical tools to talk with people you disagree with—without shouting, canceling, or walking away.If you’re tired of polarization and want to know how to have healthier, more constructive conversations, this episode is for you.
My summer series continues with another chapter from my upcoming book, Hiding Behind God.In today’s episode, I read from Part Three—the section focused on practical suggestions to help us course correct.This chapter? It’s about Consumer Church. Why it’s broken. Why it needs to end.I tell the story of two people—one wrecked by it, the other who stood up, pushed back, and walked away whole.Episode 314 is live. Listen now.
A friend asked me recently,“Why do you always stir the pot?”Fair question.It’s a fair question and to be honest, I’ve become comfortable with being willing to discuss the things that people tend to find uncomfortable. But truthfully?I’m not trying to stir anything.I’m trying to name what’s real.Because I’ve sat with too many people wrecked by the things we refuse to talk about.It’s not about being provocative.It’s about being honest.What happens when we keep silent?When we see the carnage but ignore the cause?When we have compassionate eye for the carnage but refuse to discuss the cause? That’s why I speak up.That’s why I write.That’s why I’m pushing hardto get Hiding Behind God into the world.In this episode of The Joe Martino Show,I unpack why I keep going to uncomfortable places—and I read the lyrical introduction to my next book. I hope it gives you something to chew on.Maybe even something to challenge you.
There are four things I wish for everyone. Four practices I believe can reshape your pace, your peace, and your presence. Engage with them, and your entire life could shift.Listen to Episode 312 now.
We all fail. It’s part of being human. But what we do after the failure? That’s where growth—or deeper damage—happens. In this episode, I talk about what failure can teach us if we’re willing to listen, learn, and lean into the discomfort. I also address some listener concerns about a previous episode—because feedback, like failure, is a gift when we choose to receive it with humility. Let’s talk about how to move forward when things go sideways.
This weekend, I was reminded why I love sports so much. Friends sent me a video of their son playing in a weekend tournament—the final moments captured one of those beautiful truths that sports offer us all. That's the first half of today's episode. In the second half, I want to share something powerful—something that, if you truly embrace it, can radically change your life. Listen in as I unpack these ideas and give you some exciting updates on what's ahead this summer.
In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, we dive deep into the misconception that money is the key to happiness. Many of us chase financial success, believing it will bring fulfillment, only to find that something is still missing. The truth is, what we truly crave isn’t money—it’s meaning. Join me as we explore how to shift our focus from accumulating wealth to creating purpose in our lives. Whether you’re feeling unfulfilled in your career, overwhelmed by responsibilities, or simply searching for something deeper, this episode will inspire you to start living with intention. Tune in now to discover how to build a life that’s rich in meaning.
In today’s episode of The Joe Martino Show, we dive into how to slow down and savor time — especially during summer. As the school year wraps up, life speeds up. Days slip by. But what if you could press pause? What if you could truly be present and enjoy summer without rushing? This episode shares simple and practical ways to slow the pace, embrace stillness, and make space for meaningful moments. Plus, I’ll read the introduction to my next book, Hiding Behind God. Don’t miss this chance to learn how to enjoy summer, be present, and create lasting memories. Listen to episode 308 now.
What do our kids really need from us? In this episode, I break down three powerful, research-backed essentials every child needs for healthy emotional development. And here’s the thing—we never outgrow them. We all need to know who we are (identity), that we’re truly loved, and that we’re genuinely liked—not just for what we do, but for who we are. This is practical, real-world parenting advice with impact. Whether you’re raising kids, working with students, or just trying to build stronger relationships and better emotional health, this episode is for you.
Today, we seem to spend so much time, energy, and effort chasing insight. Almost anytime that you engage in psychotherapy or counseling, someone will inevitably bring up the idea of having to look into your childhood to figure out why you do what you do. The idea seems to be that we need insight to facilitate change. We seem to think that we can figure out why we do what we do, and then we will be better able to change it. And sometimes, we have light bulb moments. We all love those light bulb moments—but what if they don’t lead to change? In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, Joe unpacks why insight without behavior change is worthless. He challenges the idea that understanding alone is enough, and instead, explores how real transformation happens when we start doing things differently. If you’ve ever wondered why you stay stuck despite knowing better, this episode is for you. Expect practical questions to help you shift from insight to action, and finally move forward.
Welcome to Episode 304 of The Joe Martino Show. Today, we're going to continue a topic that doesn't get enough attention—men grieving. Grief is hard enough, but for men, it's often complicated by cultural expectations and personal struggles. Too many guys hear, “Man up” instead of, “How are you holding up?” When called out, one wife responded to say that those calling her out were wrong. Let’s be honest, our world is messy. People are hurting, but instead of listening, we often get caught in cognitive distortions—filtering reality through our pain and assumptions. Some folks even get mad that this podcast isn’t just their perspective on the world. That’s not how growth works. We need honest, messy conversations to navigate life, and that’s what we’re doing today. Let’s talk about it.
Empathy matters—but it’s not a magic fix. In this follow-up episode of The Joe Martino Show, we explore what it really takes to use empathy well. I break down five practical steps to move from good intentions to meaningful action—and why just “feeling with someone” isn’t always helpful. Plus, I read and respond to some honest emails from listeners who pushed back on Part 1.🎧 Press play to learn how to turn empathy into something that actually helps.
We’ve been told that empathy is the key to a better world—but what if that’s only half the truth? In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, we dive into the hidden downside of empathy and why, on its own, it can do more harm than good. When unchecked, empathy can cloud judgment, fuel burnout, and even enable toxic behavior. So, what’s the solution? Tune in as we unpack the critical balance between empathy, wisdom, and action—and why true compassion is about more than just feeling someone’s pain.🔊 Hit play now and discover the missing piece in the empathy puzzle!
We don’t talk about it much, but many men silently grieve how fast life moves—especially regarding aging. One day, you’re young and full of possibilities; the next, you look in the mirror, wondering where the time went. And the truth is, a lot of people get uncomfortable when men open up about this kind of grief. In this episode of The Joe Martino Show, we’re diving into men's hidden struggles as they age, why our culture tends to dismiss it, and how we can healthily handle this season of life. If you’ve ever felt like life is moving too fast and no one understands what you’re going through, this episode is for you. Let’s talk about it. Episode number 301 is live.
Most people avoid conflict, seeing it as a threat to their relationships. But what if conflict is actually the key to deeper intimacy? In this milestone episode of The Joe Martino Show, we explore how healthy conflict can strengthen your connection, build trust, and create lasting love. Joe breaks down practical strategies for handling disagreements with intention, setting goals for constructive conversations, and turning tension into deeper understanding. Whether you're navigating conflict in marriage, friendships, or family, this episode will help you shift your mindset and embrace conflict as a path to stronger love.
Your voice is more powerful than you think—it shapes your confidence, influences others, and plays a crucial role in personal and professional growth. In episode 299 of the Joe Martino Show, we explore how using your voice effectively can help develop essential character skills like leadership, empathy, and resilience—and how you can use them to help shape your children, if you have them. Whether you're speaking up in meetings, sharing your story, or simply expressing yourself more authentically, mastering your voice can be life-changing. Tune in as we uncover the key strategies to harness your voice for personal transformation and success!
When we face disagreements on important issues, strong emotions often rise within us. In these moments, it’s easy to become consumed by anger and, in turn, dehumanize those who hold opposing views. This tendency can emerge in debates over something as simple as dietary choices or as complex as today’s pressing political issues. However, this reaction carries significant risks. Let’s explore the potential dangers of this behavior and consider how we can cultivate more respectful, constructive conversations—ones that promote healing and a healthier society.
Life isn’t fair—but the sooner we accept that, the more empowered we become. Years ago, a friend shared four simple yet profound life rules with me, and they completely transformed my perspective. Over time, I added one more and have made it my mission to share them with anyone willing to listen.In today’s episode, I want to pass them on to you. I truly believe these five principles have the power to be life-changing for those who embrace them.Episode 297 is live—let’s dive in and explore them together!
In today’s world, it’s easy to cut ties with people we disagree with—but is that really the healthiest approach? In this episode, we explore how emotionally strong and mentally healthy people navigate relationships with those who hold different opinions, beliefs, or values. Instead of villainizing or pushing them away, they practice empathy, curiosity, and respect, maintaining meaningful connections even in the face of disagreement.We’ll dive into the habits and mindsets that allow people to stay open, engaged, and grounded in their values without resorting to division.To have healing we need to have curiosity and look at the grassroots, local area for change. Change is found in relationships. Unity is the way forward to health and healing.
The truth has a way of demanding to be seen. Anything we refuse to face—our fears, pain, regrets, or even our deepest desires—will find a way to control us. It lingers in the background, shaping our choices, limiting our freedom, and keeping us stuck in patterns we don’t understand. But here’s the good news: we are not powerless. In this episode, we’re breaking down four steps to help you face anything head-on. Because when you confront the truth, you reclaim your power. Let’s get into it. Episode 295 is live now.
We’re almost through January, and for many, this is when those well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions have died a fast, quick death (look up quitting Friday). If you’re feeling like your goals have hit a dead end, don’t throw in the towel just yet! In this episode, I’ll share a proven strategy I’ve used with countless clients to help them reignite their motivation, stay on track, and accomplish the very goals they thought were out of reach.Whether you’re tackling fitness, finances, or personal growth, this practical approach could make all the difference. Let’s turn the page on those early setbacks and set the tone for an incredible spring season in 2025.Join me as we kick off the 2025 spring season of The Joe Martino Show—because it’s never too late to make this your best year yet!
This marks our final episode of the year as we take a well-deserved pause to reflect, recharge, and prepare for an exciting and successful launch into 2025. We’re deeply grateful for each and every one of you who has joined us on this journey and listened along the way. Thank you for your support, your time, and your energy—see you in the new year, ready to tackle what’s ahead together!
In a recent episode, I casually mentioned feeling tired and weary, almost in passing. The response was overwhelming—many of you reached out with kind words, concern, and a recurring sentiment: "It’s nice to know you’re human."This struck a chord and got me thinking. As counselors, we’re often seen as the ones with the answers, but the truth is, we’re human too. We have bad days, tough weeks, and even challenging years. So what happens when we feel overwhelmed? What do we do when sadness feels unshakable, or when life weighs heavier than usual?In this episode, I explore these questions and share a candid take on navigating the tough times. It’s a basic, honest look at an age-old struggle—and a reminder that being human is something we all share. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation that blends vulnerability, self-compassion, and practical insight.
In today’s fast-paced world, many parents feel exhausted and worn thin by the endless demands of daily life. If you're one of those parents, this episode is for you. Today, I want to give you permission to say no to overscheduling. We’ll explore the incredible benefits of learning how to protect your time and energy by reclaiming your schedule. Remember, one of our greatest strengths is the ability to control how we spend our time.But that’s not all—we’ll also touch on the power of consequences for kids. Believe it or not, it’s okay if they sometimes feel uncomfortable or even bad about themselves. We’ll explore why certain tough moments can actually help build character and resilience in our children.So, let’s get into it! You’ll walk away with practical tips on setting boundaries, finding balance, and creating a healthier dynamic for you and your family.
In this episode, I dive into a topic that’s been on my mind lately—parenting. I’ve been having conversations with many parents who feel like they’re constantly second-guessing themselves, unsure if they’re doing things right. But from an outside perspective, it looks like they’re actually succeeding. Maybe it’s because the pressure to be perfect is so high that we overcomplicate parenting. But what if it doesn’t have to be that way? In this episode, I share the one thing I believe can truly give us the best chance to "win" at parenting. Tune in and let me know your thoughts!
In this episode, we look at what we might be able to learn from Bridezilla and a Groomzilla. I often hear people complain about the next generation almost regardless of their generation, and I often stop and ask myself, who raised this generation? Maybe it’s time to step back and take a look at what we’re doing, and if we don’t like the results, make necessary adjustments.
Lately, a growing number of people argue that therapy is nothing more than endless conversation. The word "ruminating" is being thrown around like it's a curse. But is that really what therapy boils down to? Is counseling just rehashing our problems? Is good therapy simply sitting and dwelling on what’s wrong? I strongly believe it’s much more than that—otherwise, I wouldn’t be in this field. In this episode, let’s explore what therapy truly is and why it goes far beyond just talking.Tune in to Episode 288 now!
Our words have the remarkable ability to shape our reality. An ancient writer once proclaimed that the power of life and death resides in our words. In this episode, we delve into the profound truth that if we wish to manage our emotions and navigate life’s challenges effectively, we must closely examine the narratives we tell ourselves.Can framing our experiences as tales of bravery and triumph foster real courage? Do stories of overcoming adversity have the potential to propel us through our struggles? I firmly believe they do.Join me as we explore how our stories can transform our mindset and empower us to face life’s trials with renewed strength and resilience. Discover how harnessing the power of positive self-talk and affirmations can lead to genuine personal growth and emotional well-being. Please tune in to uncover the transformative potential of the words we choose to live by.
Banned Book Week is approaching, offering a valuable opportunity to discuss what we mean by the term "banned" and to consider whether there are more accurate alternatives.I hope we can use this occasion to spark meaningful conversations, using books as a catalyst for more productive discussions on the various issues that divide our society and communities, ultimately benefiting everyone.
Welcome to episode 285 of The Joe Martino Show. In today's episode, we're exploring the powerful stories we tell ourselves—those of comfort, commitment, and capability. These narratives hold more influence over our lives than we might realize. Often, we lean on tales of comfort to shield ourselves from responsibility and the challenges that lie ahead. But what if we flipped the script? By embracing stories of commitment and capability, we can actively shape the world and life we desire. Join me as we delve into how these self-told tales can limit or propel us toward the life we truly want.
When Cindy Clemishire was twelve years old, a family friend and church pastor began sexually assaulting her. Five years later, she told her family. Roughly three decades later, the story went public. In those intervening years, her abuser expressed remorse over “having an inappropriate relationship” with a woman other than his wife. He never mentioned that the other “woman” was a child. His wife offered forgiveness to the child for “seducing her husband.” Today’s episode is an interview with a woman whose most of her adult life has been shaped by prolonged sexual abuse and the subsequent coverup.If you think you don’t know anyone who has been abused, please listen to this episode. Hearing some of the things she has to share will be hard, but this message is essential to get out. Listen to hear about how childhood trauma affects almost everything we do as adults.
In this week’s episode, we explore the two essential truths that happy people embrace, especially during challenging times. These foundational insights offer a pathway to greater happiness, even when life gets tough. By harmonizing our mental and physical worlds, we can continue to grow and cultivate lasting happiness. Tune in to discover how these truths can transform your approach to life. Don’t miss out—listen now and start your journey towards a happier you!
How can we walk alongside those who grieve while also tending to our own sorrow? My community has recently faced a wave of profound loss, and in today's episode, I share my reflections on navigating this grief in real time.
Welcome to today's episode, where we dive into an essential aspect of parenting: allowing our kids to experience failure. While it may be instinctual to shield our children from disappointment and setbacks, embracing failure as a natural part of life can yield profound benefits. One significant advantage is that it helps children learn to self-regulate. When kids face challenges and don't immediately succeed, they develop resilience and emotional intelligence. They learn to manage their emotions, set realistic goals, and devise strategies to overcome obstacles. This process of self-regulation is crucial for their long-term success and well-being, fostering a growth mindset that will serve them throughout their lives. By allowing our kids to fail, we're not setting them up for disappointment but rather equipping them with the tools to navigate life's ups and downs with confidence and grace.
In today's episode, we examine two critical habits of people who live fulfilling and meaningful lives. These keys can enhance emotional resilience and provide a strong foundation for navigating life's challenges. Whether you face everyday stressors or significant life changes, this episode offers valuable tools and inspiration to help you thrive. Learn how to harness the power of intentional living to create a life filled with meaning, purpose, and resilience. Tune in and discover the strength within you to tolerate distress and emerge stronger on the other side.
In this episode, we dive into the enchanting world of the Inside Out movie franchise, a groundbreaking series that brilliantly brings the conversation about emotions to the forefront of society. Through its imaginative storytelling and relatable characters, Inside Out has opened up a dialogue about the complexity of our emotional lives. However, while celebrating its success, we also explore a critical truth the franchise overlooks: our cognitive power over emotions. Join us as we discuss how cognition is crucial in managing our feelings and why recognizing this can lead to a more holistic understanding of our emotional experiences. This episode is a must-listen for franchise fans and anyone interested in the intersection of emotions and cognitive science. Let’s talk about how our emotions don’t have to control us. We can live with our hands firmly on the control panel inside our brains and body.
In this episode, we're diving into the art of communication and the magic of intimacy. Join us as we uncover 10 transformative points that will improve how you connect with others and deepen the bonds of intimacy in your relationships. From practical tips on expectations to the importance of vulnerability and emotional posture, each point is designed to help you foster a more open, honest, and loving connection with those around you. Whether you want to strengthen your romantic relationship, build better friendships, or improve family dynamics, these insights will provide the tools to communicate more effectively and create lasting, meaningful connections. Tune in and take the first step towards a more connected and intimate life!
Welcome to today's episode, where we delve into the hopeful ideas behind making wise decisions. By exploring four essential questions, we can make better, wiser choices that guide us toward the life we long to live. Let's be honest: life and decision-making can be complicated. However, these four questions can serve as invaluable guideposts as we navigate the journey of living a meaningful and purposeful life.
Today’s episode is one I wish we never had to record. It’s on a deeply troubling topic: sexual assault and church leadership. Recently, Robert Morris, a pastor of a mega-church in Texas, resigned, citing an “inappropriate relationship with a young lady.” In reality, he groomed and assaulted a twelve-year-old girl. The response has been disheartening, with euphemisms obscuring the severity of his actions and little concern shown for his victim. Let us not become so busy focusing on the church's business that we fail to focus on the church's ministry.We need to confront this issue head-on. How can we support past victims and protect those who might be harmed? It’s crucial to call this behavior what it is and take action to safeguard those at risk. Tune in for a rant and a clarion call to action.
In this thought-provoking episode this week, we delve into the profound relationship between contentment and relinquishing control over others. Join us as we explore how true peace of mind often comes at the cost of surrendering the desire to dictate or influence the lives of those around us. We explain that the key to personal happiness lies in embracing acceptance and letting go of the need to control others. Tune in to discover how this essential shift in perspective can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious life.
In this episode, we dive deep into the intricate and often uncomfortable process of challenging our own beliefs. Join me as I explore the psychological and social mechanisms that make it so difficult to question the ideas we hold dear. We'll delve into new research on screen time, touch on the ever-controversial topic of politics, and discuss the dangers of clinging to outdated beliefs. By examining the benefits of being open to new information, we'll highlight how this willingness can foster personal growth and enhance overall well-being. Too often, we are tempted to "cancel" those who challenge our views, stalling our growth and happiness. Together, let's embark on a journey of intellectual humility and discover the profound transformation that comes from reassessing and understanding our beliefs. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation that encourages critical thinking and self-reflection.
Welcome to today's episode, where we delve into the empowering choice of embracing happiness and contentment. As we navigate through the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it's easy to get caught up in pursuing more—more success, more possessions, more accolades. But what if the key to a truly fulfilling and joyful summer lies not in the relentless chase but in appreciating the present moment and finding peace within ourselves? Join us as we explore how to cultivate a mindset of contentment and happiness, enabling you to savor the season's beauty and enrich your overall well-being. Get ready to unlock the secrets to a summer that's not just great but genuinely transformative.
In today's episode, we delve into the impact of unregulated behavior when we're angry and the repercussions of letting hurtful words escape our mouths. Additionally, we explore strategies to nurture and safeguard our relationships. And strategies to build and protect our relationships.
In this insightful episode, we dive into one of the most challenging and nuanced aspects of family dynamics: loving your elderly toxic parents while maintaining healthy boundaries. Many of us struggle with the complex emotions that arise from dealing with toxic behaviors in those who raised us, especially as they age and become more dependent.Join us as we explore practical strategies and compassionate approaches to navigate this delicate balance. We'll discuss:Admitting and discussing what’s happeningSet BoundariesEnforce those boundariesPrepare for bad feelings to comeExpect it to be hardRemember that you can do thisWhether you're currently dealing with these issues or preparing for the future, this episode offers valuable insights and tools to help you foster a healthier and more balanced relationship with your elderly parents. Tune in and learn how to care for them without losing yourself.Note: This episode is designed to provide general advice and support. If you are experiencing severe emotional distress or abusive behavior, please seek professional help
Ever felt like you're paddling through life in a one-sided canoe, going in circles without progress? In this episode, we delve into the analogy of canoeing to explore how embracing tension and distress can actually propel us forward. Just like navigating the currents, acknowledging the challenges in our lives and actively seeking solutions can lead to growth and advancement. Join us in episode 270 as we dive into the deep waters of resilience and progress.
Welcome to episode 269, where we delve into the complexities of faith, community, and authenticity in the modern church and our non-religious friends. Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit in at church? You're not alone. Many churches promote "Come as you are," but often, there's an unspoken expectation to conform to a specific mold once you're there. It's like being invited to a party with a strict dress code—sure, you can show up in whatever attire you please, but if it doesn't align with the crowd, you might feel out of place. Maybe you'd prefer to wear a suit but feel like the lingering stare of the more casual crowd. Indeed, we've all seen our fair share of memes disparaging our dressed-up friends. Maybe we are still fighting the dress code issue, but we've mostly swung to the other side of the argument. In this podcast episode, our mission is to challenge the status quo, to question assumptions, and to promote a more genuine expression of faith. We'll explore the phenomenon of 'hiding behind God in clothes' and unpack the tension between the church's inclusive message and the subtle pressure to conform. Whether you're a jeans-and-t-shirt kind of person in a sea of suits or vice versa, we'll navigate the nuances of authenticity and belonging in religious communities.Join us as we challenge the status quo, question assumptions, and seek to create spaces where everyone truly feels welcome, regardless of their outward appearance or background. It's time to peel back the layers of the facade and embrace a more profound, more genuine expression of faith. Welcome to The Joe Martino Show.
In this enlightening episode, join us as we dive into the dynamic interplay between conflict, expectations, and personal growth. Conflict often carries a negative connotation, but what if we reframe it as a catalyst for transformation? Let’s explore how embracing conflict can lead to unexpected opportunities for learning and development.Conflict is one price we pay for intimacy and growth. Let’s explore the idea that setting high expectations for ourselves and others can be a powerful force for positive change, challenging us to reach new heights and exceed our limitations.From navigating disagreements in relationships to facing adversity in pursuing our goals, this episode offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for harnessing the transformative power of conflict and reasonable expectations in our lives. Tune in and discover how embracing the complexities of human interaction can ultimately lead to greater fulfillment and growth.
Welcome to our latest podcast episode, where we delve into the intricate world of constructs. Constructs serve as the scaffolding of our understanding, akin to mental models, guiding us through the complexities of our existence. They aid us in deciphering the world's intricacies, offering both clarity and confusion. However, to ensure our mental landscapes remain healthy and unbiased, we must periodically scrutinize our constructs for accuracy and impartiality. Join us in this episode as we explore the profound impact of constructs on our perception of the world and emotional well-being, uncovering the delicate balance between their benefits and pitfalls.
In this episode, we dive into the crucial topic of discussing drugs with your children. It's a conversation that many parents find daunting, yet it's one of the most important ones to have. Host [Host Name] shares personal experiences and insights, highlighting the significance of regular and open dialogues about drugs within families.Through expert interviews and real-life stories, we explore effective strategies for initiating these conversations, maintaining their relevance as children grow older, and fostering an environment of trust and understanding. We delve into age-appropriate approaches, emphasizing the importance of ongoing communication and active listening.From understanding the risks associated with substance abuse to equipping children with the knowledge and skills to make informed decisions, this episode offers practical tips and resources for parents navigating these conversations. Join us as we empower families to address this critical aspect of parenting with confidence and compassion.
Good books should bring us all to the table for conversation. They should do an honest survey of the research, which will almost always show some research that contradicts the author’s thesis. Therapy is one of the topics that should invite such a book. It is a topic that should be held accountable for its outcomes.In a world where more resources, time, energy, and knowledge are devoted to therapy, it would seem that we are due for a real and honest conversation about the outcomes.We should be forcing therapists to have some difficult and hard conversations about therapeutic outcomes. The book Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier seems like it might start a conversation about these very topics.But, I found the book to be very frustrating. It did not have a conversation. Instead, it seemed to one to make its point, and there really wasn’t a point to be bothered with the breath of research. I wanted to like this book, because I have some strong thoughts about therapy and bad therapy. I have strong thoughts about education and its intersection with therapeutic practices.Beyond this episode, I wrote an in-depth (and long) review on my blog, which was published on March 25th Be sure to check it out there.
Do you have a college student or a loved one in their early twenties? Better yet, are you a college student or a young adult navigating the complexities of managing finances? If so, you won't want to miss our latest podcast episode, where we delve into practical tips and strategies tailored specifically for you. In this episode, we have a special guest – my daughter, Kendra, a college student mastering financial management as a young adult. Kendra shares her firsthand experiences, offering invaluable insights into budgeting, saving, and making smart financial decisions as a young adult. Whether you're facing student loans, struggling with credit card debt, or simply striving to build a solid financial foundation for your future, this episode is packed with actionable advice you can start implementing today. Tune in to gain the knowledge and confidence you need to take control of your finances and set yourself up for long-term success. Don't miss out - join us for this enlightening conversation on managing finances for college students and young adults.
Someone wrote in and wanted to know why I spent "so much time talking about men's mental health." This episode is my answer to her. The stakes are so high! Men are literally losing their lives.
In this episode, we delve into the profound importance of showing up for friends and exploring the myriad ways in which our presence can be the greatest gift we offer. From celebrating their successes to holding space during their struggles, being there for our friends transcends mere convenience—it's a cornerstone of meaningful connection. It is especially important when tragedy pierces their world. When life is hard, we may not have answers or be unable to solve all of the problems, but we can show up and just be present. We can admit we don’t have answers and commiserate with our loved ones and friends.
Accommodating people who need help seems like a no-brainer. And often it is exactly that; wheelchair access for people, seat accommodations for people with sight needs, readers for people with dyslexia all seem like solutions that are nearly moral obligations. And yet, are aspects of accommodation culture hurting the people we are trying to help? Accommodation culture, while often well-intentioned, carries inherent risks. Excessive accommodation can lead to a culture of dependency, where individuals expect special treatment rather than advocating for growth and health. Additionally, there's a concern that excessive accommodation may stifle constructive dialogue and debate, as individuals may fear expressing dissenting viewpoints for fear of being labeled intolerant or insensitive. Ultimately, a balanced approach that respects diversity while upholding core societal principles is necessary to mitigate the potential negative consequences of accommodation culture. My daughter Kaidance stopped by, and we discussed her thoughts on this topic and the response that she received when she presented her thoughts at school. Let’s discuss accommodation culture.
In life's journey, we often face various challenges and obstacles, each demanding our attention and resolution. Yet, amidst this myriad of issues, one fundamental truth remains: we possess the power to choose our response to these problems. While we may not always have control over the circumstances that befall us, we have agency over how we navigate and address them. Whether it's through proactive problem-solving, seeking support from others, or simply reframing our perspective, the choices we make ultimately shape our path forward. By recognizing and embracing this power of choice, we empower ourselves to confront challenges with resilience, determination, and a steadfast commitment to personal growth and fulfillment. Welcome to what might be part one in a new series called “Triggering Questions.” Today’s episode deals with one of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves, “What are you going to do about it.”
We all have emotions and feelings. For a long time, it seemed like our society tried hard to downplay emotions, and we’ve done a lot of work as a society to incorporate our feelings and emotions into our collective consciousness, but have we overcorrected? Allowing our feelings to steer the course of our lives can often lead to impulsive decisions and irrational actions. While emotions are a natural part of the human experience, relying solely on them as a compass can cloud judgment and hinder rational thinking. It's crucial to recognize that feelings are transient and can fluctuate based on various factors. Instead of letting our emotions dictate our path, it's wiser to cultivate a balance between our emotional responses and logical reasoning. By acknowledging our feelings without letting them dominate our decision-making process, we gain better control over our lives, making choices that align with our long-term goals and values rather than succumbing to fleeting impulses.
When one accepts that anxiety is a natural reaction of our bodies, a profound shift in perspective occurs. Rather than viewing anxiety as a flaw or something to be eradicated, it becomes understood as an inherent aspect of the human experience. This acceptance opens the door to self-compassion and understanding. Instead of fighting against anxiety, individuals can learn to work with it, acknowledging its presence without judgment. Acceptance fosters resilience, as individuals develop coping mechanisms and strategies to navigate anxious feelings more effectively. Moreover, recognizing anxiety's normalcy diminishes the stigma surrounding mental health challenges, promoting open dialogue and support systems. Ultimately, accepting anxiety as a natural reaction empowers individuals to cultivate a healthier relationship with their emotions and lead more fulfilling lives Listen in to learn more!.
Welcome to part of 4 of our series on men's mental health. This episode looks at the role a man's partner plays in his mental health. Women play a crucial role in their husband's mental health as their wife, often acting as pillars of support, understanding, and empathy. As partners in life, wives possess a unique ability to provide emotional comfort and stability during challenging times. They offer a safe space for their husbands to express their feelings without judgment, fostering open communication and trust. Wives often advocate for their husband's mental well-being, encouraging them to seek help when needed and providing encouragement throughout the healing process. Through their love, compassion, and unwavering support, wives significantly contribute to their husband's overall mental wellness, creating a nurturing environment where both partners can thrive emotionally and mentally. How can we cultivate a life that gives life to the mental and emotional wellness of each individual?
In this thought-provoking episode, we delve deep into the often overlooked and stigmatized topic of men's mental health, exploring the profound impact societal expectations, stereotypes, and norms have on the emotional well-being of men. Join us as we unravel the layers of cultural pressures, messages, and systemic barriers that contribute to the silent struggles men face worldwide.Let's explore how societal messages impact men's mental health journey from media to parenting. This episode aims to break the silence surrounding men's mental health, encouraging listeners to empathize, understand, and be part of the change needed to create a more compassionate and inclusive society for everyone, including men.Please tune in to gain valuable insights, challenge preconceptions, and discover ways to collectively contribute to a world where men feel empowered to prioritize their mental health without fear of judgment. It's time to shatter the stigma and embrace a new narrative for men's mental well-being by starting with how we raise boys.
Today, I continue my multipart series on men's mental health issues. In this podcast episode, the spotlight turns towards a crucial but often overlooked topic – men's responsibility for their mental health. The discussion encourages men to take ownership of their mental health journey. It explores the men's dislike for vulnerability and how embracing one's emotions is a sign of strength, not weakness. Practical strategies and resources for fostering mental resilience are also shared, empowering listeners to prioritize self-care and seek support when needed. Ultimately, the episode aims to challenge preconceptions and foster a culture that values and supports men in their quest for mental well-being.
The mistreatment of men within society is an often overlooked but significant issue that can have profound effects on men's mental health. Men are more than 3.5 times more likely to die by suicide than women. Societal expectations and stereotypes impose rigid standards on masculinity, discouraging vulnerability and emotional expression. Men may feel pressured to conform to notions of stoicism, suppressing their emotional struggles. This societal pressure to constantly appear invulnerable can lead to feelings of isolation and inadequacy, exacerbating mental health challenges. Additionally, issues such as the stigma surrounding men seeking help or discussing mental health openly further contribute to the silent suffering experienced by many men. Recognizing and addressing these harmful societal norms is crucial, fostering an environment that encourages emotional expression, empathy, and support for men to maintain their mental well-being.In this insightful podcast episode, we delve into the crucial topic of men's health, exploring various overlooked aspects. Join us as we navigate through discussions on physical and mental well-being, addressing common concerns men face in today's fast-paced world. Nothing is out of bounds for discussion on this topic. It’s time that we move from treating men like little buffoons and then getting mad when they refuse to grow up. Tune in for a thoughtful exploration of the challenges and opportunities in men's health and discover actionable strategies to prioritize well-being. This is part one of at least three episodes on this topic.
Recently, my daughters and I watched the newest Hunger Games movie, and it hit me. We are not far from the world depicted in the film in how we treat each other.The mindset that makes that world possible is an "us versus them" mindset that sets a person's value based on what group they live in. In dismantling the divisive "us versus them" mentality that pervades our society, we must first recognize the common threads that bind us as a collective whole. By fostering empathy and understanding, we can bridge the perceived gaps between different groups, acknowledging the shared human experiences that transcend superficial differences. Embracing diversity not as a threat but as a source of strength encourages a more inclusive perspective. Engaging in open and respectful dialogue allows us to break down stereotypes, dispel misconceptions, and find common ground. Cultivating a culture of collaboration and cooperation promotes unity, emphasizing the interconnectedness of our shared humanity. Through active efforts to break down barriers, build bridges, and celebrate our collective achievements, we can overcome the "us versus them" mindset and forge a more harmonious and unified future.Listen to this episode and share your thoughts with me.
We all have a limited number of days left. In this insightful podcast episode, we delve into the profound theme of making the most of our remaining days. We explore strategies and perspectives that empower listeners to embrace each moment with purpose and intention. From cultivating a gratitude mindset to setting meaningful goals, the episode navigates through the intricacies of time and encourages a mindful approach to life. Listeners will find inspiration in the stories shared, gaining valuable insights on prioritizing what truly matters and creating a fulfilling journey through the days ahead. Whether it's seizing opportunities, fostering meaningful connections, or pursuing passions, this episode serves as a catalyst for reflection and action, motivating everyone to live a life that resonates with significance.
As the dawn of a new year emerges, it presents a unique opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. The transition from one year to the next allows us to pause, contemplate our journey, and envision the path we aspire to tread in the future. It is a natural checkpoint for assessing the alignment between our current selves and the individuals we aspire to become. This reflective process is not merely about setting resolutions but rather a chance to delve into the essence of our aspirations, values, and goals. By scrutinizing the gaps between our present reality and our envisioned self, we can identify areas for improvement and set forth a deliberate course of self-improvement. The new year, therefore, becomes a canvas upon which we paint the portrait of our aspirations, providing us with the inspiration and motivation needed to evolve into the best version of ourselves over time. But that change process will only happen with intentionality. Let's discuss this more in this episode.
In the realm of personal and professional development, Daniel Pink's insightful perspective on regret as our most transformative tool unveils a profound aspect of human experience. Regret, often perceived as a negative emotion, is a powerful catalyst for growth and change. When we reflect on the choices we've made and the paths we've taken, regret emerges as a compass guiding us toward better decisions and a deeper understanding of ourselves. Through the lens of regret, we gain clarity on our values, aspirations, and areas for improvement. By acknowledging and learning from our own and especially others' regrets, we embark on a journey of self-discovery and evolution, turning what may seem like missteps into invaluable lessons. Pink's perspective encourages us to embrace regret not as a burden but as a transformative force propelling us toward a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life.This episode explores Pink's assertion as we look to the beginning of a new year.
The swift passage of time is a phenomenon universally experienced, marked by its relentless pace that seems to accelerate as one reflects on the past. Moments slip through our fingers like sand, leaving us in awe of how swiftly days turn into years. The concept of time's fleeting nature becomes increasingly palpable with age, as childhood memories blur into the distant past and once-distant futures transform into the present. The rapidity with which seasons change, birthdays come and go, and technology evolves is a constant reminder of time's relentless march. As we navigate life's journey, the brevity of each moment becomes apparent, encouraging us to cherish the present and appreciate the transient beauty of every passing second.Which is why we need boundaries!Boundaries develop and solidify over time through a complex interplay of individual experiences, societal norms, and interpersonal dynamics. As people navigate the intricate tapestry of life, they inevitably encounter various situations that shape their understanding of personal space, emotional limits, and acceptable behavior. Cultural influences, family upbringing, and societal expectations all contribute to gradually constructing these boundaries. Over time, repeated interactions and learned responses create a foundation for individuals to establish limits that protect their well-being, privacy, and individuality. Personal and professional experiences contribute to refining and adapting boundaries, serving as crucial elements in defining one's identity and relationships. Boundaries, like the layers of sediment in geological formations, accumulate and solidify, becoming integral components of human interaction and communication.Which can be terrifying because time goes so fast!
This episode completes our two-part series on healthy relationships. This episode, when combined with last week's episode, creates a list of characteristics that exist in healthy relationships. In the realm of healthy relationships, couples serve as the cornerstone of emotional well-being and mutual growth. A thriving partnership is marked by open communication, trust, and a shared commitment to each other's individual journeys. Healthy couples navigate challenges together, fostering resilience and understanding in the face of adversity. They prioritize each other's well-being, both physical and emotional, recognizing the importance of self-care and nurturing their connection. A strong sense of partnership encourages continual support for personal goals and dreams, creating a dynamic where each member feels valued and empowered. In essence, a healthy couple is a collaborative team, embracing the joys and complexities of life with compassion, respect, and a deep appreciation for the unique qualities that make their relationship flourish.
In this episode, we delve into the dynamic world of healthy relationships and explore the habits that thriving couples embrace. From effective communication to mutual respect, healthy couples prioritize understanding and connection. We'll unravel the significance of active listening, empathy, and open dialogue in fostering a strong emotional foundation. Join us as we navigate the intricacies of shared goals, personal growth, and the importance of maintaining individual identities within a partnership. Whether it's cultivating a culture of appreciation, expressing gratitude, or finding joy in shared experiences, we'll uncover the key ingredients that contribute to the longevity and fulfillment of a healthy, thriving relationship. Tune in for insights, practical tips, and real-life anecdotes illuminating the path to building and sustaining a loving and resilient connection with your significant other.
It's Thanksgiving. My favorite holiday! And for many, it's been a challenging year. And for others, holidays are often tough and challenging days full of pain, sorrow, and disappointment. But...But what happens if we intentionally take this time to be thankful no matter our circumstances? What would happen if we were to create a rhythm of gratitude? Practicing gratitude and being thankful brings numerous benefits beyond mere positive emotions. Firstly, cultivating a grateful mindset fosters a sense of well-being and contentment as individuals become more attuned to the positive aspects of their lives. This shift in perspective can lead to reduced stress levels and improved mental health. Expressing gratitude also strengthens interpersonal relationships, as acknowledging and appreciating the contributions of others creates a positive social environment. Moreover, thankful individuals often exhibit greater resilience in facing challenges, as they are more likely to focus on solutions and adaptive strategies. Physically, gratitude has been linked to better sleep quality and overall health, showcasing the holistic impact of a grateful outlook. Ultimately, embracing gratitude is not just a pleasant sentiment; it is a powerful catalyst for personal growth, improved relationships, and enhanced well-being.It can change our lives.
This week's episode deals with questions that I get regularly about parenting and how do we handle relationships with family members that bring toxicity into our lives. Also, a quick clarification about last week's episode.
We hear about boundaries a lot, and sometimes, what we hear is correct and accurate. Unfortunately, sometimes, the term is used as a weapon for bullies to say what they want to say without any pushback from anyone else. These are not boundaries.We have weaponized the statement, "I don't feel safe," and it's time we walk back from the brink.
The phrase "tell me more" holds significant power in parenting. When parents employ this simple yet empathetic request, it opens the door for open communication between them and their children. By inviting their children to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, parents create a safe space where trust can flourish. This phrase demonstrates active listening, showing children their perspectives are valued and respected. Through open dialogue, parents gain valuable insights into their child's world, enabling them to understand their emotions and challenges better. Moreover, it fosters a strong emotional bond between parents and children, reinforcing the sense of security and support essential for healthy emotional development. In this way, "tell me more" becomes a powerful tool that not only encourages communication but also strengthens the parent-child relationship, laying the foundation for a lifetime of trust and understanding.
In this episode, I discuss what we can learn from organizational failures. This summer, I sat down with a new leader of an organization that, in some respects, is fighting to re-establish itself. It went from an industry leader to an organization in trouble. It is a bit of a train wreck at the moment. All because they had tunnel vision and failed to live by established values.What does this have to do with our life?We are the “organizational” leaders of our own life. We set the course for our future. We need to consider where we might have tunnel vision at only one desired outcome without considering how our pursuit of that could impact our future.We are the architects of our future. We will inevitably make mistakes. In those moments, we must decide what we do to correct course.
Cognitive distortions and cognitive dissonance are psychological concepts that involve different aspects of human thinking and perception. Cognitive distortions refer to irrational, biased, or skewed thought patterns that can lead to negative emotions and behaviors. These distortions, often seen in conditions like anxiety and depression, involve cognitive processes such as overgeneralization, black-and-white thinking, or catastrophizing, where individuals perceive reality inaccurately, reinforcing negative beliefs about themselves or the world. On the other hand, cognitive dissonance refers to the discomfort experienced when a person simultaneously holds conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or values. This mental tension pushes individuals to resolve the inconsistency by altering their thoughts or behaviors. While cognitive distortions involve flawed thinking patterns, cognitive dissonance revolves around the psychological discomfort stemming from conflicting beliefs or actions, highlighting the intricate workings of the human mind and its constant pursuit of harmony and consistency.When we understand the difference between the two and our need for dissonance in some areas, we can develop a tool that improves our quality of life.
Belief is fundamentally about action, not just fleeting feelings or passive thoughts. It is the driving force behind our decisions and behaviors, shaping the way we interact with the world. While feelings and emotions can be part of belief systems, true belief manifests in our actions and choices. A person's convictions are most evident not in their beliefs but in how they live their lives and their daily decisions. Belief empowers individuals to step out of their comfort zones, take risks, and contribute meaningfully to their communities. It propels them to stand up for what they think is right, advocate for change, and pursue their goals with unwavering determination. In essence, belief becomes a guiding principle that directs one's actions, demonstrating the depth of their commitment and the sincerity of their convictions.But today, there is a pervasive mantra that we have to feel like what we believe will work out. The problem with this idea is that sometimes our feelings can crowd out truth. In those moments, we must continue to move forward.
In the age of motivational speakers, self-help books, and inspirational Instagram quotes, there’s an overwhelming emphasis on loving what you do. The message seems clear: if you’re not head over heels passionate about your job, you’re doing something wrong. But what about the majority of us who find ourselves not always enamored with our work? Is it possible that it’s perfectly okay to not always love what you do?The truth is, it’s entirely normal to have moments, days, or even extended periods when you’re less than thrilled with your job. It might not be your dream career, or perhaps the day-to-day tasks are not as exciting as you hoped. And that’s fine.You can have a great and exciting life and still engage in things that you don't love every day. In fact, we'll have to embrace this truth in order to have a great life.
Life is an incredible journey filled with ups and downs, challenges, and triumphs. It's important to remember that even in our darkest moments, there is always a glimmer of hope. When you feel like giving up, that's often when you're closest to a breakthrough or a positive change. Keep going, for every step forward, no matter how small, brings you closer to your goals and dreams. Embrace the obstacles as opportunities for growth, and let your determination be your guiding light. Remember that you are stronger and more resilient than you realize, and your journey is unique and worth every effort. Keep pushing forward, and you'll discover the incredible strength within you and the possibilities ahead.You can keep going. Even if you just have to find the energy to make it through the next phase. Perhaps, your motto in this phase of life needs to be, "Just Keep Moving!"You may be struggling to find meaningful things and good soul care. Life may be challenging for you right now. You don't have to win the whole game right now. You just have to keep moving!
Myths are the invisible threads that weave the tapestry of our existence, silently shaping our beliefs, values, and behaviors. These narratives often handed down through generations, are not merely tales of gods and heroes but also intricate stories that guide our understanding of the world. Myths transcend the boundaries of culture, time, and place, offering us a collective framework to make sense of life's mysteries and complexities. They are the compasses by which we navigate the uncharted waters of our lives, providing meaning and purpose in a seemingly chaotic universe. These myths are the guidelines we live by, helping us define our identities and find our place in this world.But what happens when our myths are based on flawed data? What happens when our guidelines create more problems in our lives?Let's look at the myths we live by and how we might improve our quality of life by examining the myths we live by.
How meaningful do you find your life? How much meaning do you find in the things you are doing repetitively? Do you have the Freedom? We all want Freedom. We also want to feel we are living a meaningful life. When we struggle to balance life, we typically overemphasize Freedom or obligations. We may only find meaning in doing things because we are afraid to rest, or we may only feel that rest is safe because we can feel overwhelmed with our responsibilities. Like most things in life, balance is vital. This episode explores the arduous work of finding balance.
Our lives are full of possibilities. With that comes the potential for failure. When we face failure, we will often face uncomfortable emotions. These emotions can lead us to the conclusion that “it didn’t work.”But was that really the problem?Did it not work? Or….Did we need to keep going until we succeeded? It doesn’t work until it does.In this episode, we see life as a long game and how we can often be delayed in accomplishing something because we stopped too soon. What happens when we change our relationship to failure? What happens when we examine why we started? Exciting things can unfold.
Hello Friends, I apologize for not getting this out sooner. I want to let you know I am taking the summer off from new episodes. Be sure to come back in September. I look forward to seeing you then.
Life is a series of problems to be solved. It’s time to embrace it as an opportunity to understand a challenge and evaluate solutions. Effective problem-solving techniques are a lifelong learning process that continues moving us forward. As we figure out problem-solving skills, it allows us the opportunity to teach our kids. We can set an example of how to navigate problems, develop solutions and take action.
Today we shine the spotlight on identity parenting as it focuses on helping kids develop a strong sense of self-identity. It emphasizes creating a safe and nurturing environment where children can explore their interests and values and develop a sense of who they are as individuals. As parents, we know that parenting is both a challenging and rewarding experience. We will discuss practical ways to bring joy to our parenting while promoting self-identity and self-worth in our children.
You feel overwhelmed by life, work, schedules, and unplanned circumstances. Your job is sucking the life out of you. Your schedule is packed full of activities with little room for downtime. At times you have made choices that contribute to this overwhelmed feeling. Then other situations happen to you and are entirely out of your control. No matter how you end up in this place, there is hope. Today we dive into evaluating what you are doing and why. Perspective shifts, increasing resiliency, and looking at what you can control are all small steps toward change that will help you restore strength and make changes to your outlook on life.
Covid-19 created a crisis that is continuing. Anxiety and depression are extremely high. Societal oppression has become prevalent. Self-harming behaviors and emotional outbursts are more common in young children. Cyberbullying runs rampant on social media. Quarantine and isolation have changed how we function in life. We need to be talking about the fact that decisions made as a nation during the Covid pandemic brought about consequences. We need to step up for our kids and have conversations about the emotional fallout from 2020. It’s time to start the conversation and come up with solutions. Are you ready to take the first step?
Maybe we have stress wrong. Perhaps it's not bad for us. Have you ever considered that what you believe about stress might be what is bad for you? I invite you to a new way to think about stress.
One of the most underappreciated skills is the ability to manage expectations. This is true for individuals and couples. When we manage expectations, we allow ourselves to anticipate good and bad things, happiness, and pain. Listen to this remastered episode on managing your expectations to achieve a more balanced life.
Expectations without acceptance will bring more frustration and distress. Acceptance without expectations will also bring pain and poor relationships. Is there a specific order in which we should engage these? I believe there is. Listen in to episode 228.
So many people give up on their hopes for change because they don't see results as quickly as they anticipated. But what if all change followed a definable process? I believe that it does, and I believe that you can follow that process by engaging in three principles that will drive your life forward into change. Listen on to a remastered previous episode on how to change.
Parenting is hard. There are so many fears that come with it. Often the most significant fear can be that we will mess our kids up if we make mistakes. What kind of people am I raising? Let's explore that fear a bit.
Life is hard. We often get caught up focusing on others, but is there a skill we can develop to help us navigate through the stress? Does it matter what order we do things? I think it does. Listen in and tell me what you think.
Second marriage divorce rates are sky high, and one of the most often cited reasons is the kids. Erica and I discuss why this is and how people can do it differently to decrease their chances of the marriage ending. Even if you're in your first marriage, there are great truths here to help you parent your own children. Please note that earlier today, episode 223 was published and it is an accidental repeat of an earlier episode. I was going to delete it and noticed that it already had a high number of downloads so I am just publishing the correct episode at #224
Free speech matters more than our opinion or feelings. It's ok to be upset by someone's words. It's not ok to try and shut them down. What are the benefits of engaging in disagreement? Erica stops by, and we have a fun conversation about what's wrong in the world and how to fix it. That last part's a joke, sort of.
What if our kid's behaviors are a mirror for us to examine our actions and attitudes and then adjust accordingly? We've all been there; our kids aren't doing what we want or, worse, doing something we've told them not to do. We feel like we've told them 1000 times not to do it or start doing it...whatever it is. So we rachet up the intensity, and often we get behavior modification. But is that actually a win? What is really a win? My wife stops by, and we discuss this from our professional and personal lives.
Relationships are the best indicator of how satisfied we will be in our lives across almost all of the research. Let's explore some questions that can help us be confident that we are putting effort into the right relationships.
Erica and I finish part three of our talk on sex. This is probably not an episode where you want little kids in the car while listening. Most phrases are couched in such a way to communicate without being blatant, but the topic may not be one you want young kids joining in on. Parental discretion is advised.
In part two of our conversation about sex, my wife and I discuss things that women do that can hurt the relationship sexually and, of course, how they can improve the relationship sexually.
Sex is something that probably doesn't get talked about enough. My wife stops by, and we start a three-part series on sex. Listen on, and let's talk about sex, bayyyyybyyyyy!
What should my response be when that makes me uncomfortable? My wife and I discuss this common occurrence.
My daughter Kendra stops by and discusses with me some ideas and action plans for parents to consider when they dislike their kids' choices. Friends. School. Future choices, there is almost no end to the possible disagreements.
The joke has been made that New Year's resolutions are to-do lists for the first week of a new year. In this episode, I explore seven questions that help us move away from resolutions to a deeper understanding of how we're living our lives and offer us the opportunity to explore how we might want to live our lives
Almost all kids secretly rebel at one point or another in their formative years; what should parents do about it? My daughter, Kendra, stops by, and we discuss it from her perspective, experiencing that in her life and her friends' lives.
My oldest daughter stops by and we discuss her experiences with technology. She also shares some of her thoughts about how parents can interact with their kids in a helpful way.
Bit of a rant on this one. Cancel culture and virtue signaling are a disease. Like all diseases, we need to root them out and replace them with something life-giving.
If we want to have a productive life, we need to spend regular time evaluating how we spend our lives. Perhaps, this is the appeal of New Year's resolutions (even if they don't work). Here are seven questions to help you evaluate this past year
How do we handle rejection? Erica stops by, and we discuss a recent situation where I was rejected, and then the conversation moves to relationships in general. We discuss moving forward from hurts that are a risk in every relationship.
Compromise can be a great tool that helps build your relationship, but what is it? How do we compromise? Erica joins me as we discuss this vital topic, offering a much better definition than "meeting in the middle."
How do we teach our kids to handle peer pressure? Is there a way to teach them to build skills and habits that will help them later in life? Listen to this episode and decide for yourself.
Technology and kids. Few things are more divisive than those three words. My wife joins me as we talk about our use of technology in raising our kids and share more general thoughts on how it can benefit our children and aid our parenting efforts.
Our world is chaotic. How do we raise emotionally secure kids in our day and age? In this episode, Erica and I discuss some solid strategies for helping kids grow in emotional security. We also offer some school advice that will be sure to fire some people up. Lastly, I mention a famous author that proves he may not be connected to an average person's life. There's a little bit for everyone here.
What is it that drives couples to health? Almost all healthy couples have wrangled their way through complex and challenging times. Erica stops by, and we discuss couples and habits. Relationships have to be about more than winning; they need to be about the actual relationship.
The best indicator of who you will be in the future is the five people you interact with the most. Listen in and find out what your future might look like and how you can shape it to look exactly how you would like it to look.
The wizard of west Michigan drops by for the first time to share her thoughts and wisdom on students and learning. Listen to my wife as she explores her journey and discusses how we learn. Maybe looking their teachers in the eyes doesn't predict learning. Maybe your student's fidgeting is actually helping them learn. We're back from our break and fired up!
Hello, I wanted to let you know that I am taking a few weeks off, and regular episodes will resume on the 14th of September.
How do we respond when people tell us we are something we're not? How should we present our thoughts to another person when we're the ones with an opinion about who they are? Episode 200 is live. There will not be an episode the week of July 4th
Let's discuss what happens when we realize our goals are no longer serving us? What do we do when it's time to change our objective? Join me and my guest as we talk about the difficulties of rebalancing goals.
No matter what life throws at us, our mindset is the most important tool we have. We will often find what we expect to find, so why not expect to find good things?
Our ability to choose emotions is a fantastic tool to better our life. No matter the circumstances, we can choose how we live in them.
When we don't understand someone, we have a temptation to make them into a villain. Good rhythms of life can help us with this and help us to find deeper, more meaningful connections.
It can be so frustrating trying to get everything done that we need to do on any given day. One great way to overcome that challenge is to look at the rhythms of our lives and build them intentionally.
One of our most powerful tools is the ability to control our emotions. We can both control them and be authentic.
So often, we tell our kids that big emotions are ok, and when they experience those big emotions, we try to shut them down.
When we are going through difficult times, we will benefit from making a slight pivot shift, asking ourselves, "what can I learn from this?"
Sometimes, people think that intensity is yelling or screaming at your children. While that can be true, it is not complete. The severity of consequences can also be intense, and they often don't work. Listen here for a better strategy.
What does it mean to be Valiant in our day? How do we move and grow? What does a vacuum have to do with it?
Emotional Intelligence has two domains, ourselves and others. Today's episode explores ways that we can better understand others.
We all know we need to continue to grow our emotional intelligence and strength, but how do we do it? Consider these eight habits and behaviors to improve your emotional world.
What could you change if you could pick off small changes at a time? This episode brings an easily followed system to facilitate change in your life.
We don't often think about developing our emotional muscles. When we do, this podcast has some benchmarks that we can shoot for. Number six is, "Embrace Failure." Listen on for the rest of the list.
What happens when you can't find the why? Maybe you can't find why you overreact to something. What do you do? Good news! You don't need insight to change. You need a plan.
We often think about how much money something costs us, but I find that we rarely think about how much of our life something will cost us.
Now that we've identified our defense mechanisms, cognitive distortions, and schemas what do we do?
If we want to change how we act, we'll need to first go after our thoughts. Ironically, our actions will be what often help us change our thoughts.
The number one impact on your actions is your habits of thinking. What happens when those habits of thinking are hurting us? Well, we need to change them, but first, we need to recognize the thoughts that might be steering us in the wrong direction.
This episode kicks off a series regarding how we think and live. The connection between both and how we and live fuller, more meaningful lives.
How do we talk to our kids about school shootings? How do we and they handle the stress that comes from this reality?
Have you ever considered a process for the rules that you have for your children? Let's explore this idea.
You will fail at something. Whether you are failing at something you love or something you hate is up to you.
Maybe the behaviors we find frustrating are rooted in something that we need to uncover.
In this episode, I answer some questions about conflict and relationships and I share some thoughts about the Gabby Petito murder.
Stop avoiding your best friend! Almost all of your relationships will instantly improve.
Motivation is nice but inadequate. Alone, it does almost nothing for us, but when we add it to another ingredient, potential outcomes are almost unlimited.
Change is hard? But why is it hard? This episode dives into that question and explores how we can use that to our advantage.
How do we navigate technology and our children's use of it? Can we maximize the benefits and minimize the potential dangers?
What is the difference between kind and nice? Why does it matter? How about hurtful and harmful? This episode plumbs the depths of these questions.
Dear Christian Friends, please stop acting like Jesus is in your political party. This episode has a short rant and request for my Christian friends. It also offers 7 tips for a less stressful school year. Tip #4: You don't have to do your child's homework or even help with it. Enjoy.
A common refrain that I and other therapists hear regularly is that parents find it hard to spend time with their kids. They often face rejection or want to solve a problem their child doesn't want to be solved. This episode deals with some strategies or guidelines to spend time with your children.
Let's talk about family vacations that aren't fun because, well because, family is there. That was the theme of some emails this summer and I felt it was time to offer some help. Plus, I discuss how setting personal intentions out of realistic expectations can be very beneficial.
Let's talk about Simone Biles and mental health. For a few years now, we have seemingly been making some headway in the area of allowing people to prioritize mental and emotional health. And then Simone Biles withdrew from some events. The responses varied. In this episode, I want to address a very specific vein of those responses.
We all face emotional distress and difficult situations. How do we know if we're coping with them or attempting to avoid them?
How are you doing with Emotional Intelligence? Do you know how to understand your own emotions and the emotions of those around you? this episode deals with how to teach ourselves or those we love how to learn and develop EI.
Six months left in the year. What are you going to do with them? Whatever it is, let's resist the temptation to do something because something has to be done. We can do better. Listen on!
What are signs to look out for that a child might be being abused? Was I too hard on cousin's and community interactions last week? Listen in and let's discuss these topics.
Many parents worry about stranger danger while often ignoring the reality that most dangers come from much closer. This episode begins a conversation about children and sexual assault.
What do we do when someone hurts? How do we not lock them into one chapter of their life? Are there acts that automatically define the rest of our life?
We can be tempted to stay in a chapter of life that feels good. How do we enjoy that chapter and still generate growth? Listen on!
Don't get stuck in one chapter of your life. I recently saw a man sitting alone next to a casket. It got me thinking and I share those thoughts in this episode. Healing from trauma means we can't afford to live in the chapter that the trauma occurred.
Great stories tell stories that about brokenness and redemption. Yet, many of us are tempted to tell our story by only one chapter even when we know it's destructive to do so. This episode deals with some beginning ideas on how we can live fully and tell our life with a whole plot
Maybe we pick too many battles and that directly leads to a less happy life. If that's true, we can reverse the trend by picking fewer fights. Do you have a process to determine if you are going to engage in a fight or walk away? This episode will help you craft some ideas.
Can you envision a world you'd like to be a part of? What are you doing to achieve that world?
Seeing our problems and difficulties with an accurate lens is one of the most important skills we can develop. Our temptation can be to ignore our problems or to elevate them to the level of an unconquerable monster.
If you haven't healed from your hurts, you are more likely to repeat the hurting. In a world that seems to move more toward violence to handle relationships daily, this episode is a call to live differently.
In the last episode, I discussed the idea that our addiction to our anger is killing us. In this episode, I want to talk about ways we can let go of our anger and look to make long-lasting changes in our own lives and then the world. Experience the anger but not act out of it.
Recently I read an article that talked about our addiction to anger and how it's killing us. I think it might be a little worse, I think it's poisoning our relationships. There is hope. This is part one of a two-part series.
Cost is different from price. When we teach ourselves to look at cost, we can be positioned to make better decisions in all areas of our life.
Often boundaries will seem like the person enforcing them is mean. Even more often, what we do with boundaries can be very messy. A score of emails and a comment on the podcast page help shape this episode. Enjoy!
Two things often hold us back from trying new things. Imposter syndrome and embarrassment from failure. In this episode, I explore why we struggle with those things and what we can do to overcome them.
Examining our own expectations of what we wanted to happen can be as important as how we experienced what actually happened.
Do you know your own core values? Can you articulate them? What does it mean to live them out? This episode deals with four questions that offer a framework to ponder our current life and our future.
Someone once told that they believed the biggest stressor on marriage was kids. Often, a question I hear is, what does it mean to be unified? How do we parent during a conflict and be on the same page? How should we decide if we behaved correctly? What exactly is moral reasoning?
How do we communicate in a healthy way when we disagree? Not talking is not working. We can do better by engaging in a healthy way.
There is no growth or change without pain. There is no path forward that isn't hard. These three tools can help you make sure you pick the pain and the path that leads to the change that brings the most health and the greatest benefit.
Change starts in honesty. So often, we lie to ourselves about where we are at in society. We refuse to do the work and then get salty when we fail to see the progress. It's time to change that.
We often cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we respond. We might have to let the initial emotion pass through us without action and then move forward, but we almost always control how we move forward. We can only play the cards in front of us.
Commitment creates capability. Often people stop their commitment because they don't feel they have the capabilities. What if we flipped that idea?
To effectively live well, we must take ownership of our own life. We have to both accept what has happened and look with a plan toward the future.
As we look to a new year, it is imperative that we learn to intentionally evaluate and manage our relationships. We might need to end some relationships intentionally.
What is the circle and the square? They are the very first step in truly empowering yourself and those around you.
Creating a mindset of thankfulness can actually change your life. Part of three of a three-part series on our mindset and the impact on our life. This episode was supposed to air on Thanksgiving week but did not due to technical difficulties.
"I might need new friends," is a literal email that I have received numerous times. Why? Because of negativity overload. In this episode, we look at what happens when we realize we have people in our lives who are overly negative? What do we do when we realize we are potentially that person?
2020! What a year it has been. Can we find the power to create a world that we want even in the midst of a pandemic? I believe we can when we utilize our most powerful tool for change. Listen on, my friends.
We all use mental models every day to understand our world and how we fit into it. Today's episodes examines what mental models are and how we use them.
With eight weeks left in a tumultuous year, let's look at how you can create the life you want.
If you can make this one shift in your thinking, you will improve your anxiety management.
When you feel strong emotions, who do you want to be? What actions do you want to show people?
Handing our emotional distress can be a lot like putting a puzzle together. Putting that puzzle together can help us heal as individuals, families, and society.
You can be a great communicator. Regulating your responses to your escalating emotions is the key.
If you haven't heard about Cuties, it's a film on Netflix made in France. Some people call it child exploitation, some call it child advocacy. Some brag that the child actors needed therapy. Let's chat.
No matter how much you learn, how many skills you pick up, today's episode talks about the one skill needed to fortify all the others for change.
This episode brings together seemingly disparate stories and offers this truth: You are not an imposter.
This episode deals with two listener emails. I also talk about the book, Educated, by Tara Westover which leads to a discussion about trauma.
I answer a listeners question about whether or not my kids are spoiled brats and what it means to live and parent to values over power or fear.
So often, when our children don't have an emotional vocabulary they act out in ways that are actually disruptive. In turn, many parents respond with a lack of emotional regulation and escalation. Today's episode discusses the benefits of teaching kids a vocabulary of emotions.
For years, people have used a verse in the Old Testament to say we should spank. Even amongst non-religious people, there seems to be a lament that we no longer beat butts (I had to clean that up for this venue). Dr. Catherine Mueller Bell stops by to discuss her upcoming book regarding the efficacy of spanking. Take a listen to our conversation.
There is a gift that we can use to better our lives. When we think about outcomes, we can make better decisions and improve the quality of our days.
Working through disagreement can be destructive. There are four principles that enable healing communication. Follow these steps and you will see improvements in the quality of your relationships.
One of the hardest parts of the change process is admitting the need to change. Admitting that there is something going on that isn't working. This episode deals with the possibilities of change that come from admitting.
Halfway through 2020! How's it going? In what has been a wild year, you can still do the things necessary to get where you want to go.
In honor of Father's Day, my friend Ryan Kresge stops by to talk about how the story in our head can sabotage us. Especially when something goes wrong. And we discuss what can be done about it.
This is the third part of a three-part series about growing up in America as a black person. Jennifer, a black woman who is also in Law Enforcement, stops by to discuss her experiences.
What is it like to grow up as a person of color in America? Someone recently told me that racism doesn't exist in America anymore. Is that really the case? I struggle to believe so. Because of the struggle, this episode is the second of a three-part series where people who have grown up experiencing racism talk about their experiences. My friend and mentor, Ted Boykin stops by to share his experiences.
What is it like to grow up as a person of color in America? Someone recently told me that racism doesn't exist in America anymore. Is that really the case? I struggle to believe so. Because of the struggle, this episode is the first of a three-part series where people who have grown up experiencing racism talk about their experiences.
Has fear become a virtue? If so, what does that mean for society? Is that the reason we have identity politics? Also, how do we discuss George Floyd? Why do so many people seem to be unwilling to say that putting your knee on a man's neck who is in handcuffs is wrong? Buckle up, today's going to be wild ride.
Grief is something that comes for us all. We all will experience it at some point or another in our lives. In this episode, I relate my own experiences dealing with the passing of my mom and the anniversary of the last time I talked to her in this life.
Our world has a long and dark history of racism and terrible things being done because of it. And this podcast, let's talk about how we talk about racism.
What are ways wew can intentinoally engage better conversations. This episode has ideas that will help you develop your conversation skills with people with whom you disagree.
You can be a conversation grower or a conversation killer, but you can't be both. I might be running for political office and what happens when a client asks me if I support Trump? Listen on, my friends.
How should we engage people that we not only disagree with but that we also feel are a danger to others? Plus a book reccomendation.
What happens when we stop telling people what to think or how to greive and engage in skills designed to make us a better listener?
When we face distress, we have the opportunity to respond or react. With a little foresight, we can utilize response to better the world.
Every stressful interaction you have is an opporunity to learn about yourself. Examining your actions to learn about your values is imperative for every relationship we have.
There is a difference between what you feel and what you do. We can experience negative emotions and still treat people well. Behavior is not dictated by emotions.
For people who live with special needs, there are everyday challenges for them and their loved ones that most people never have to consider. Today's episode is an interview with the mother of a child with osteogenesis imperfecta or brittle bone disease.
Anger as a way of life has devastating consequences. Why aren't we talking about angry people in society? And, I have an exciting announcement.
Parenting gone wild! One listener asks, "What does it mean to raise men today?" I share the fact that I am afraid we've lost our minds in parenting and offer seven axioms to shore up the boundaries a little bit.
Learn three proven ways to deal with anxiety in this episode. They're easier than you might think!
Our attempts to remove the tension from things in our life is destroying our relationships. It's time embrace some tension
What if you could do two things to be more happy? I believe you can. This episode deals with that exact opportunity.
On January 26, 2020 Kobe Bryant was in a crash that killed everyone on board. The responses were world wide. What can you and I learn about meaning in the middle of grief?
Most estimates say 80% of resolutions don't work. But goals...now goals are a different story!
Let's talk about kids getting nicer gifts than my kids and one thing that you absolutely must never tell your kids.
It's time to start thinking about what you want to do in 2020 and how you can create time to get it done.
This episode deals with a listeners questions regarding family stress during the holidays.
Are you wasting the potential goldmine of information and knowledge from your arguments and fights? Also, you should probably practice your arguments and fights so that you get better at them.
I am taking the month of October off from production. Come back November 5th for a new episode. I'll see you then.
What happens when we use cognitive distortions to understand our world? Maybe the best of intentions is what is actually leading to a spike in our kids anxiety.
What happens when two strangers meet? How certain should each person be when it comes to their interpretation of the event?
Maybe the behaviors you see in other people that looks like something you don't like is actually depression.
What happens when your family vacation actually drains you? What do you do if your mom and a few friends don't think what you're doing with your life is meaningful?
Sports are a tool. How we use them is what matters. Our response to Andrew Luck's retirement might show that too many of us have lost our minds.
Work is good for us. Doing hard work is especially good for us. Let's explore what it means to do the work.
Back to school is a great time to do little check in on how our goals are going. And to find some space to grieve.
One of the hardest places to be in life is the in the space between. The space between where you are at and whatever is next. This episode presents a process that you may find helpful in determining what you do next.
Habits tend to get a bad rap in my opinion. What if they could unlock your potential to change? I believe they are your best chance at the life you want.
To love anything is to invite pain. This quote from a friend of mine sums up the inevitable pain in relationships. This episode deals with five foundations for healthy relationships of the every day variety.
What happens if you don't like your extended family (or your spouse's) but you want your children to have a relationship with them? What happens if your parents want you to play sports but you don't want to play? This week's episode attempts to answer these listener questions.
How do you know if you made a good decision? A lot of people look at outcomes to decide but what if that way is flawed? This episode looks at how to determine if a decision was good or bad.
What if a healthy relationship is actually on the other side of distress? What if a major skill you need for your relationship is actually the ability to tolerate distress? This episode explores the need to be able to tolerate stress inter personally and gives some practical ideas on how to develop this skill.
A friend from college drops by (virtually)and we talk about how the story in your head impacts almost everything in our life.
What if the answer to three simple questions could improve your relationship with your spouse?
Parenting. Summer Break. The NFL. An under performing team. Frustrated parents. What do these all have in common? Listen and learn, my friend.
Have you ever looked at your kids and wondered if they were aliens? Do you feel like what you are currently doing is not working? Then, this episode is for you.
We all experience hurt. We have to process it. When we don't the results are often devastating for us and those we love. There is another way though.
Do you want to tell a compelling story with your life? We are all telling a story with out lives. What is the type of story you are telling? This episode gives you five questions to ask about the story you are telling and gives you tools to tell a great story in your life in a great way. Plus, there's a little rant about that Cubs fan who gave away that kids baseball. (Yes, I saw the DeadSpin story).
If your self love causes you to treat others poorly, you're doing it wrong. I posted that this week to my Facebook and the response was overwhelming. Emails, private Facebook messages; the whole gambit. Maybe our anxiety epidemic is rooted in our obsession with self love.
It's probably not what you're thinking. It's time to end the shaming idea and resurrect it as something that is actually helpful.
How do we improve our life through better habits. I was asked by a friend how to improve our habits and this is my answer.
Someone asked me to do a show on how divorce impacts adults who were children of divorce, so I did.
Do you feel stuck somewhere in your life? Learn a strategy where you can get unstuck and move your life forward.
This episode deals with anxiety meds and children, plus details the two choices we get in any relationship. Do you want to be right or do you want to be reconciled? You can only choose one.
Trauma that is unhealed leads to pain, which leads to infection. Untreated infection leads to death.
So many people believe they are stuck with bad feelings and emotions. This episode explores the idea that you might be able to change them if you focus on changing the right thing first.
Parenting is one of the hardest things we ever do. Children live what they learn and learn what they live. This episode deals with the idea of parenting to principles instead of rules.
This episode deals with the difference between power games and mind games and how you can avoid them. It also answers a question about living in the tension of someone being mad with you.
This episode deals with what happens when someone questions our parenting. Why do so many people respond with anger?
Do you want to have better communication with your kids? With anyone in your life? Learn how in this episode.
We all have to deal with manipulation, sometimes we're manipulated, sometimes we're the manipulative person. This episode outlines five type of manipulations and how we can identify them.
How is courage different from bravery? What does it mean to tell your story? Find out in this episode.
Time to take some practical steps in leaving the old behind and starting something new. Plus Kyle from Grand Rapids has a question about themes for the year.
Launch yourself into 2019 with a plan to achieve new goals. Learn how to make a difference in your life and in the lives of those around you.
As we near the beginning of a new year, this episode encourages you to consider the benefits of a theme for the year.
Creating and maintaining healthy relationships is essential. Learn how in this episode. Plus, some thoughts for divorced parents regarding their children.
This episode gives four strategies on how to be a better listener this holiday season and all year long. It also talks about the relaunching of my YouTube page and looks forward to 2019.
Ahh, the holidays! The drama! The trauma! What happens when we don't like the holidays? Maybe you don't like your spouses sibling, maybe you've experienced a loss. This episode deals with many common things that we don't discuss in public.
There will be no episode this week or next. The next episode will drop on the week of the 25th of November.
This episode deals with how we view people, their actions, and their words. Also, I answer a question from Kim about failure.
This episode helps you get the right things done in order to increase productivity and meaning in your life.
This episode deals with the importance of not being easily offended and how your relationships will improve when you can develop this skill. It also has two great questions.
Our words have power. They will either give life to those we love or take life away from them. The wonderful thing is that we own all the power.
We need to stop acting like self view is given. It's developed. This episode deals with how you can develop yours.
What happens to you relationship when you build a habit of conflict? And Anne from Pittsburgh writes in with a great question.
We diminish ourselves as humans when we can't have disagreements without trying to hurt each other.
Sometimes love tells you that you were wrong. This episode deals with ownership of our own lives. It also discusses briefly the difference between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy.
Maybe we complain because we confuse being busy with meaning which allows us to find complaining to be easier.
In this episode, I discuss the three minds that we all live out of and how we can choose our best mind.
In this episode, I talk about 5 life lessons that will help you live a life that matters.
This week I talk about two different and yet related things. What if people who can never tell anyone no aren't really altruistic? And how do we deal with change?
I know a couple that spent 18 months solving a problem. Most of the time when I tell people about this situation they think it was too long. But was it? How long is 18 months in the context of the rest of your life?
In this episode, I lament that school starting is right around the corner and I discuss what a second half of the year reset looks like.
Do you want better communication skills today? Then this episode is for you. Employ these rules to guide your words and your communication will improve immediately.
This episode deals with the devastating consequences of chasing happiness and explains how we can learn to be happy in every situation.
This episode presents a tool to deal with the four emotional hazards. This tool will help every relationship improve communication.
This track deals with four dangerous patterns of communication that can negatively impact all relationships.
Recently a friend asked me how we change the conversation about suicide in our culture and work toward lowering the suicide rate to save lives. This episode is my attempt to answer that very difficult question.
It's June. What happened to those goals you set in January? This episode deals with a few steps on how get back on track. Also, my friend, Jamie stops by and talks about the life for his daughter with hearing loss from a parents perspective.
Why do we constantly get invested in love stories? Where does our meaning come from in regard to our attachment? Wanting to be involved in a love story is written in our hearts and souls. Love requires work. And the promised insurance rant! Enjoy
In this episode Mike from Alaska writes in with such a great question that I open the show with it. What do you when the conversation between you and your partner goes south? How do you bring it back? Plus, we talk about five key components to decision making and presenting to your partner in a way that allows a decision to be made while ensuring everyone is heard, valued and safe.
In this episode I discuss the three D's and the danger they present to Emotional Security. A local therapist stops by to talk about his new endeavor to help Veterans. Plus, more vinegar shenanigans!
What drives your life? Why do you do what you do? How do you make decisions? Explore these questions and more with me in this episode.
What's more dangerous than screen time for your kids? How do we deal with it? Find out in this episode.
If you want to achieve your goals, you have to define them. What do you want? What are you willing to pay? What are you willing to risk? Why? This podcast deals with all of that and Vinegar!
One of the most underappreciated skills for any couple is the ability to manage expectations.
Almost everyone wants to change, yet very few people seem to know how to do it. This episode is for you!
This inaugural episode deals with a foundational need for all relationships. It also talks about future episodes. What does it mean to be emotionally naked?