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Twenty years ago, the world was hit with an outbreak of unprecedented proportions. 

The hapless population of the planet was forced to reduce, reuse and recycle like their very lives depended on it. 

Now, on the eve of the anniversary of that terrible time, a new threat emerges. One that will determine once and for all the fate of mid-Spring pseudo holidays.

Just when you thought it was safe to throw out that tetra-pack it's...

EARTH DAY II: THE RE-EARTHENING

Rated PG-13 for strong language and graphic composting

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Des Guys

2. How Will I know?

3. Malboro

4. February 10, 2013

5. Rovers

6. Carl the Car Builder

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Michael Caine. Michael Caine. Cain, Michael Caine. Michael Michael! Michael Caine! 

Michael Caine used Thundershock. It was super effective.

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Old Mitt

2. Coke Nail

3. A-Koo-Pew-Koo

4. Worst Giraffe Ever

5. Only the Good Die Hard

6. Rusha Housh

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Taylor and Neil were going to include a fun description that elaborated on the amusing joke comprising this episode's title but have been advised by their lawyer that they probably shouldn't. Just, no. Stop. Quit while you're ahead boys. You don't know what you're talking about. Stop digging that hole. Seriously just stop.

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Black Bread
2. Milwaukee
3. Weekend at Gorbies
4. Catchers & Hitters
5. Pottering
6. Aquamarine

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Mild-mannered, law-abiding Mark Kaminsky is your run-of-the-mill small town sheriff who is also an ex-detective. One day, he's called back into action where he is shot a bunch by the Dad from That '70s Show. He has survived and been rebuilt as the smoothest, coolest and rawest robot cop you'll ever meet. Now he's on a one bot mission to clean up the streets from the filth he swore on his dead family or something to avenge. Arnold Schwarzenegger stars or whatever. Explosions! 

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Flag

2. Brother Huey

3. Lady Antebellum

4. Velocicontractor

5. Taste the Wax Tadpole

6. Rawbo Cop

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In which Taylor and Neil realize there is a large gulf between their definition and pronunciations of the word gulf.

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Dre M.D

2. Pop Artist

3. Santa Maria

4. Blue Whales

5. Mr. Nastic

6. WAR

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Oh noe! Hoosawiddlepuppy? Yooaliddlepuppy!

Yes yoo are! 

Yes yoo are!

Hoosabooboo! Hoosabooboo numnum?!

Hoochaboochoohrrggllleeee!

COURSE MATERIALS

1. Yukon Devil Farmer

2. Daddy Fine Things

3. Antonio

4. Topsy

5. Kentucky Drift

6. 'Sappnin'

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What? We enjoy the breeze...

COURSE MATERIALS: 

1. Old Man Kid

2. Hey Bro

3. Fashion Mastermind

4. Craft Time

5. McShut Up

6. Vinajer

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I've been ridin' these plains so long
Singin' the same old song
I know every town on the dirty side of Mississippi
Where hustle's the name of the game
And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain
There's been a load of compromisin'
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the gold is shinin' on me

Like a Fool's Gold Cowboy
Riding away on a horse from a botched bank job
Like a Fool's Gold Cowboy
Getting writs and letters from people I don't even know
And offers comin' over the wind

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Fridgetiquette
2. Denim-Spangly Shirt
3. Two Roosevelts
4. Fruit Wars
5. Mr Hockey (TM)
6. Lizzie's Twist

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We here at Nugatory Quest would like to apologize for totally bumming you out with this episode. It doesn't seem like something we should be capable of doing but, well, sometimes things happen. What looks to be a wacky trivia question might just turn out to be the most depressing thing you've read in a while. That said, we've kept the conversation largely unedited because it actually contains a few facts that, while rough, are pretty important. So again, sorry about this and please know that any laughter during that section is merely shock and not because we're the worst people. We'll get back to the japes next time! 

For more information on these topics, please visit:

http://www.sidscanada.org/

http://www.cdnaids.ca/

COURSE MATERIALS

1. Tiny Tuba Taylor

2. Hooter!

3. Bachelor President

4. Travelling Walkmen

5. Dorito Blue Jays

6. Mr. Bat Man

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Tonight on an ALL NEW Composin' with the Zart! Zart takes to the streets with his talking wig and asks pedestrians what they think of Obama! The latest viral videos get smashed by Zart in our new segment, "Viral Videos?! Viral Videos Are Usually A Waste of Time Featuring Zart!" Guest Patrick Duffy is in the studio to discuss his dormant career and tell a funny story about ferrets! Musical guest Savage Garden appear, as if from nowhere! Plus An ALL NEW Top 10 List, featuring special guest star James Franco's Ghost! And as always, Ludwig and the Classical Playas! Then stay tuned for an ALL NEW Late Night with BACH!! COURSE MATERIALS 1. "Men's" Interests 2. Hair Age 3. Boney ABBA 4. Neigh 5. Go Long 6. DE-Bone

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"Nugatory Quest is, and always will be, my favorite internet-based radio program."  -Albert Einstein COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Big Guy
2. Torrent of Flesh
3. Funny
4. Pending Death
5. Straight Garb
6. Schlagen Lager

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I reckon by now all y'all will have heard the news: Ol' Pert is pickin' up sticks and taking his skills to the Old World. I'll miss y'all somethin' fierce but them sweet jezebels over there need my particular skills. Naw don't you go blubbering all over these here parts; I'll still live on in yer hearts and on yer heads. My time spent these last fifty summers with y'all have been a blessing and I'm lookin' to bestow that blessing on each and every one of you souls I've had the pleasure of meetin'. I say, I do declare that my time here was well spent and will see y'all again on another turn on this wheel, lord willin'.

-Excerpt from the last known public speech by local hairdressing legend Pert (Last Name Unknown), May 16, 1949, Atlanta, GA

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Philanthrofist
2. Wipes
3. Large Salt Thing City Winter Olympics
4. Geometric Sperm
5. Pixel 'Stache
6. Latin

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It's totally a thing.

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Torch Run
2. The Worst Thing We've Ever Done
3. Baseball Owners
4. Stinking Spotted Weasel
5. Overtime
6. Haggard the Horrible

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In the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Four, two great minds shall meet in the realm of snowy desperation. The fires of one will ignite the ire of the other and a great battle will be fought over the correct method of topping circular dough with protein. The hostility will cease for a time, before it is renewed with vigor over where such sundries shall be consumed by man. Those caught in this wake shall dissolve in the horror and zestiness, as rivers of red drown all sense. The aftermath shall see the combatants alone, exhausted and wondering how they could have done 50 of these stupid things.

COURSE MATERIALS

1. Suhkewt

2. Yolking Phoenix

3. Whatshisnoggini

4. Burnt Water

5. Pizza War

6. Woe-Baggin'

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Hey! Do you like to hear two people talk about all formative experiences they had in Junior High gym class? I hope you do because Taylor and Neil are doing that. Again. 

Yay. 

COURSE MATERIALS

1. Shoulder Rolls

2. Strudel

3. Queen Slam '14

4. FitBitBit

5. Dunka-Dunk-Dunk

6. Arriba!

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What happens when young, fresh piglets go hog-wild on Hawaiian spring break? Only the craziest, wettest and tastiest party on the planet! Watch this sweet meat let loose and expose their chops for the promise of fame, fortune and not being used as a pizza topping! Our cameras were there to capture it all - the parties - the drinks - the spits! See pork like you've never seen it before, in crispy HD and surround squeals! It's Boars Gone Wild! Over twenty minutes of the most juicy, tender cuts of raw and unfiltered mayhem! Yours to own through this special offer for only three easy payments of $19.99! Call now to order and you'll also receive Koala Mardi Gras - you won't believe what these crazy marsupials will do for beads! 

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Rudolph the Acne Nosed Teenager

2. Lavaface Part II

3. Julio Caesar

4. Baby Got Ham

5. Shuck

6. The Bends

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Scut.

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Pineapple Mistakes

2. Titan 360

3. Rose-Velt

4. Jacked Rabbits

5. Absoslutely

6. Bowlingual

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Meet Mikey! He's the new kid in class and  just doesn't fit in. The boys think he's weird! The girls think he's gross! The conservative politburo thinks he's radical! But little do they know that he's got a plan to become the most popular kid in school. With the help of his secret best friend Ronny, Mikey is taking the schoolyard by storm - from the school newspaper to getting rid of those ugly bike racks dividing the playground in half. But what Mikey doesn't realize is that all the fun antics and social reform in the world can't buy you happiness. It might just take a little attention from Maggie, the most severe girl in school, to make him see the light. Coming to theatres this Spring, it's Gorbachev like you've never seen him before! In eye-popping THREEEE DEEEE! 

Starring Ed Helms as Mikey, Owen Wilson as Ronny, Sarah Silverman as Maggie, and Ken Jeong as Ping - the group's Paramount Leader...of laughter! Guest starring Ashton Kutcher as marionette Steve Jobs. 

That...got out of hand quickly. 

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Forward thinking.

E. coliPhone is purposefully imagined. Meticulously considered. Precision infected. 

It's not just a product of what's biologically possible. But what's biologically devastating. It's not just what's next. But what should be next. Disease.

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Desolation of Smog
2. Ton Ton
3. Frosted Tips
4. Nade-Rage
5. Earthquake

6. selfieYOLO

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Alright, Danny we have to talk about what you did to my gorgeous, gold-encrusted French imported bidet. This is the best bidet in New York City. Danny, I know you can't appreciate how great this bidet is. This is the best bidet I've ever owned and the best bidet you'll ever see with your small, non-tan-lined eyes. Last year, the makers of this bidet did a quarter million dollars in sales and this year, they'll almost do the same. It's a great business and great bidet. I think you're really going to love it. So stop using it to take revenge poops in or you're fired.

COURSE MATERIALS:

1. Theory Themed

2. Destany

3. Fugio Cent

4. The Sads

5. The Revenge

6. Souvenir Hunters

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Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Twerked the robin, `Nevermore.'

COURSE MATERIALS 1. First Ears 2. Dr. Goldfoot & The Bikini Machine 3. Destalinization 4. Betamax One 5. Superbowlliiix 6. Sub-Mariner

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Last week's tear-jerking cliffhanger is resolved as fifteen puppies trapped in a teaching hospital are rescued by a team of sexy rookie cops and hunky junior firefighters. Trouble brews at home, as sexy surgery student Chase and Detective Inspector-In-Training Laurel argue about adopting a child orphaned by the raging drug war. And then make out. Tom Selleck guest stars because screw you, that's why. Television.

Tuesdays at 8 on NBC

Course Materials: 

1. Rapper/Model
2. Merdre
3. Butt Stuff
4. Bimennen
5. Perpendicular
6. Wizards & Dragons

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Pack your bags because we're taking this show on the road! We're leaving this life behind for one on the open highway! Come along for the ride and enjoy the sites, sounds and smells of the interstate highway system! We'll admire the pavement, curvature and many interesting features of the roads, all while drinking in the ambiance of our 1973 station wagon! It's gonna be super the best! And if you're interested, stick around for more talk on wine, flowers, bees and butt stuff. Because we're definitely gonna need something to talk about. It's a long drive. 

Course Materials:

1. Buttphalt
2. Stomp the LSAT
3. Semi-Solid
4. John Madden Butt Stuff
5. Bogota Bogoda Begonias
6. Trenchcoat Grape

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In most honored traditions of excellent awards, the Ministry for Foreign Goofs, Yucks and All Other Audio Tomfoolery has bestowed the great and noble title of First & Most Popular International Podcast of All Time in China upon glorious co-hosts Taylord Smiths and Neils Bohr for their show, Nougat Quest. This distinguished reverence is reserved not only for the internet-based radio program that is the People's Most Favourite, but also recognizes the relative chronological superiority of their show, Nuggetry Quiz! The hearts and minds of the citizens of the wonderful People's Republic of China are with you all the way! Go Go, Nugget Time, Go Go!

Course Materials: 1. Living on Russians 2. Hey! 3. Norwegia 4. Featuring God as God 5. Weird Stupid Raccoon Thing 6. Bwoston Bwuins

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Our little guy is all grown up! We've been doing Nugatory Quest for an entire YEAR now and we still manage to screw it up. Listen to see how far we haven't come!

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The secret of Des Moines

Ancient mystery

Somewhere deep in Iowa

I know you're hiding

What is your name?

Will we ever know?

Will always be a mystery

What are people from you called?

Course Materials:

1. Cote de Quaqua

2. Boob Tube Bomb

3. The Acting President

4. Dezzies

5. EBOLA!

6. RelaxoBak

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Do you like CANDY? Want to hear two grown talk about CANDY for an hour? Huh? DO YOU?

Don't worry, we also talk about tennis-based Japanese anime. 

YOU DEMANDED IT, WE DELIVER.

Course Materials: 

1. Little Turk
2. Di-ASS
3. The King's Sister
4. Andor
5. Climbomaniac
6. The Prince of Tennis

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Remember boys and girls: always keep your Time Hole nice and clean. And never stick anything in there that you're not okay losing for extended periods of time. 

Course Materials:

1. Pole Land

2. Future Boat

3. Instrument Implement

4. MOO-

5. Australia

6. Granberry

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Ah, a good morn to you Michael! 

Good mornin' cap'n! Wos the weather be lookin' like today?

Fresh and prosperous, my dear chap! Are you ready to let loose the sails and explore this vast new land before us?

Cor blimey I am, sir! Yeh want I should get yer maps out for yeh?

Yes, yes, my dear friend but wait one moment. I could use your help in deciding what to call this peculiar spot we happened upon yesterday.

Wha, this one 'ere?

Yes, indeed. What does that pond look like to you? 

Well, uh, cap'n, I know wha it looks like to ME but...I shouldna say in polite public. 'Tisn't right.

Oh but my dear Mr. Lane. That is where you are very wrong. Very wrong, indeed. 

Course Materials:

1. Vibrator Creek

2. Embarassing

3. Porsha

4. CanCon

5. Yippies

6. Lullababy

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Well, howdy there, folks! Welcome aboard the most spectacular engineering feat ever engineered by man: the grand railroad! Yes, indeed, this here is a genuine steam powered iron horse, designed to take you and your loved ones clear across the country. But what you don't know is that this train is no ordinary train. No! This here is a special train - a train that will fling you far into the future of our world! What awaits you on the other side of this vast expanse? Is it knowledge of a country divided? Varieties of vegetables? Gambling? Well I can't rightly say. No one knows where the train will take us - it has a mind of its own. I understand if you're a tad apprehensive but there's not need to fear. The train reveals not what its passengers want but ultimately what they need. Ah! Can you hear that whistle blowing? We're getting ready to depart! So let me ask you stranger: are you ready for the ride of your life? In TIME? 

Course Materials:

The Gaffe that Never Was
The Greek Gatsby
Pounded It
Gordon Ramsay's Train Nightmare
Caulipowder
Cluster Calculation

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The night grows deep and the shadows stretch out from our forms huddled around the fire. The night is deep, cold and full of unknown horrors and terror. The group is tired, depleted from many weeks of constant travel. No one speaks a word, they are too weak to contemplate the effort. The old man has seen such struggles before. It is not his first reluctant sojourn. With a heave of his tired bones, he shifts towards the fire - calling attention to the rest of the people bundled up in their blankets. 'Lend me your ears, children, for I know you cannot offer more. Lend me your imagination and I will tell you a tale. A tale of wonder and enchantment. A tale of mystery and of danger. A tale which we all sorely need to hear.' The dejected eyes rose to meet those of the old man. The fire reflected back in his dark eyes; sparks in the night. 'This is the tale of Pisseus.' The night goes on. The people listen.

'It begins with a golden shower.'

Course Materials: 

1. Arslaughter

2. Scottish Bar Mitzvah

3. Double Billing

4. Golden Shower

5. Nickel Cadahaha

6. Thousand Islandish

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Look down at your legs; are you wearing shorts? Do you wish the rest of your legs were slightly (but not much) warmer? Or are you wearing pants but want to feel the sweet breeze on the lower portion of your shins? Well, do we have a product for you! Introducing: SHPANTS! They're slightly longer shorts or slightly shorter pants! SHPANTS! Wear them on the lawn! Wear them getting while getting groceries! Wear them at your daughter's wedding! SHPANTS! You'll wonder how you ever got by without SHPANTS! Using a patented new technique, SHPANTS combine the latest in short-lengthening technology, while still employing the pant shortening traditions we've come to know and love, and certainly aren't botched batches of shorts and pants we've decided to sell! SHPANTS! Get yours now! DO IT! SHPANTS!

(Not be to confused with Bermuda Shorts.)

Course Materials: 

1. Regal Taupe

2. Smug Cow

3. Watered Furrows

4. Manscapelangelo

5. Muskmelon

6. Landshark

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This week, the girls find themselves in deep…deep dung that is! What will they do when they’re asked to do menial tasks? Will they rise to the occasion? Or will they complain and call things stupid. You’ll just have to tune in and find out! It’s all very mysterious and they don’t tell us announcer people anything. 

Course materials:

Spououne

Funty

The Worst Question

Fithy-Ithy

Nightmare Tape

Spider-Siesta

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Hey man. Yeah, you. Hey. You want some stuff? I got some stuff. The '94 stuff? Naw, man - that stuff ain't worth doing time over! I gots the Grade A stuff; that sweet stuff that was so raw they banned it. Yeah, man. It's that hardcore. Where'd I get it then? Man, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, man. Let's just say I gots a friend up north, if you get my meaning. Talks kinda funny, you know what I'm sayin'? Likes maple syrup if you catch my drift. Snow drifts. Yeah, I gots a guy that hooks me up. So you want it or not? Let me tell you man they got this stuff locked down TIGHT up there. I ain't gonna give it you if you're just gonna narc me out, I could do serious time for this stuff. Alright, man, you got it. You sure you ready for this? It's a pretty big step. I just hope you know who Joe Clark is or you're gonna be in a whole mess of trouble.

Course Materials: Drive By Waffling, International Waters, Bourbon Parmesan, Steve Pattingson, Space Pope, Mass vs. Weight

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No one knows what it's like to be shellfish

To be mollusks

Behind blue eyes

No one bites back as hard

On your finger

Crack the shell and my flesh

Can show through

But my dreams

They aren't as empty

As my carcass seems to be

I have bivalves, never lonely

My love is plankton

It tastes nummy

Course Materials: St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Teen Wolf Junkie Moms, Chimborazo, Hugh Dickman, Mussel Flexing, Spear Force Trauma

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Triumph is a Canadian hard rock power trio that was popular in the late 1970s through the 1980s. Between the band's 16 albums and DVDs, Triumph has received 18 gold and 9 platinum awards in Canada and the United States. Triumph was nominated for multiple Juno Awards, including Group of the Year Award in 1979, 1985, 1986 and 1987. Like their fellow Canadians Rush, Triumph began building their reputation across North America as a live band, peaking in the early to mid-1980s. The band was formed by Toronto music veterans Gil Moore (drums, vocals), Mike Levine (bass, keyboards), and Rik Emmett (guitar, vocals) in 1975.

It is most important to note that "Somebody Out There", "Love Hurts", "Child of the City" and "Lay It On the Line" are all the SAME GODDAMN BAND. WHAAAAATTTT?!?!

Course Materials: Porkopolis, Zonks, Manster of the Year, Beats, Alfred Nobel: War Criminal, Sofa King.

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What?! It's not like it isn't TRUE. 

Course Materials: Bern Burn, Filiwood, Ficitonal Characters, Gaoouughhhffff, Baby Time, Heures Du Mans.

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Live on stage for the first time in over 70 years, the classic tale of love and show business is coming soon to a theatre near you! Boasting a bold new interpretation of the classic story, #BroadwayMelody will astound you with new plot points that you'll swear have just been made up by two idiots in some shack somewhere. Watch the daring struggle of a down-on-her luck singer having a go in the big city - just trying to make ends meet! Everywhere she goes, colourful characters and songs await! But who will bring meaning to her life when she's introduced to the seedy underbelly of the industry she loves so much! Starring Miley Cyrus, Amanda Bynes, Lindsey Lohan, Macaulay Culkin and an Instagram of Clark Gable, this is THE modern interpretation no one asked for but are going to get anyways. #BroadwayMelody previews begin soon - get your tickets today!

NYC #JFK #musical ##BroadwayMelody #MileyCyrusiPad

Course Materials: Ocean Desert, Gable Made Me Do It, iPox, 24 Was Not Real, BC/DC, Antwerps

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Noah is a down-to-earth father of three just trying to make ends meet in this workaday world. When his wife is struck and killed by a righteous bolt of lightning, his brother and goofy best friend move in to help him raise his adorable daughters. Together they discover that, with enough perseverance, laughter and whole lot of heart, family can get you through anything, including a cataclysmic flood that has destroyed the world. They also live with every animal in existence. It's a pretty high concept show, you guys. 

Course Material: Winnie the Runs, Ghost Helen Keller, Honeyfitzgerald, Cat Lady Hiearchy, Four Seasons Death Trap, Smidgen Pinch

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Cueloose jumps with spirit, dazzling felt play and an electrifying musical score that will have you saying, "Could you move out of the way, I'm trying to shoot." It portrays the timeless struggle between innocent pleasure and rigid sporting implements, when city-boy Rail McCaromick finds himself in an uptight Midwestern town where shooting billiards has been banned. Rail revolts with best friend Billiard and the minister's daughter. Features a treasury of Top 10 songs - "Cueloose", "Scratching in the Streets", "Let's Here it For the (8) Ball", "Holding Out for A Hickey" and the Cueloose love theme, "Almost Corner Pocket"

Course Materials: Wallet Bulge, Nofuncouver, Thick and Wet, The Late Tonight Show, Nose Knows, Bored Games

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Based on the best-selling novel about a special eon in the lives of four chronologically disparate friends separated by the recesses and fragments of time and space, this coming of age tale is sure to delight the whole family. On a trip to the Neo-Mall/thrift store/grand bazaar/tar pit, the young women find a pair of time-dilating jeans that fit each of them perfectly. They decide to use these pants as a way of keeping in touch over the vast centuries ahead and behind, each wearing the jeans for a week to see what luck they bring before the pants travel to another time or the girl dies plague related complications. Though ages apart, the four friends still experience life, love and the scourge of confusing dancing robots in a multiverse they'll never forget. 

Course Materials: Mordecai the Falcon, Margary Cool Ridge, Bobberam, Princessy Correct, Inter-Stellar Bottle Depot, Crappy Dice, MAD MEN ADDICTION CHAT.

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Though largely remembered for his role in the Glencoe Massacre, Lord John Dalrymple is perhaps best known for the invention of the stair, a title which he adopted as an honourific for his house. Lauded by all those in his employ, people clamoured from many miles to view the stair and the promises of the bold future it promised of human life balanced 17 inches off the ground. While some naysayers derided the wonderful invention as "more of a step" or "bump in the ground", the Earl of Stair would not be dissuaded from the contracting of a new stair to be installed in every home in his kingdom. This wonderful invention would later provide the inspiration to several copycat inventors, who decided that aligning several, subsequently taller stairs might lead to more useful endeavours. John Dalrymple resigned his post and died in shame. 

Course Materials: Fjord of the Rings, Barry Freakin' Manilow, U-Gigli, Gojiraaa, Handyman Superhero, Captain Patel O'Malley

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1863 - 1776 = 107

MATH. IS. HARD.

Course Materials:

1. Ricolaaaa

2. BONANZA!

3. Prezzizzle Abe

4. Ducks can fly

5. Y3K

6. Cluedo

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There comes a time in everyone's life that you just have to acknowledge that you don't know all the answers. It is a moment of startling clarity and maturity; a time when you let go and admit that your knowledge of the world around you is just not up to snuff. Presented for you, the listener, this twentieth episode of Nugatory Quest crystallizes these feelings into any easily digestible paste that you may slather on your ears. Watch as your hosts don't know anything about Saudi Arabia, license plates, Seals, fictional comic strip towns, penguins or Ghost.   Sometimes, it may even seem like they can't even grasp even the basic knowledge of the English language. This is not an act. It is merely a lesson to all those who will listen: not everyone knows everything. And we can prove it. 

Course Materials: United Arabian Emirates, Crazy Juicy Bees, Nazi Seals, Terwillegar, Ling Ling, Chest-Double

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The Mennen Company today announced the launch of Mantivia Parfait Crunch, a delicious blend of creamy Mantivia high protein guygurt, corn nut pieces and lowfat crunchy razor blades. Mantivia Parfait Crunch offers duders a convenient choice to add to their chillzones or delicious snack option that helps naturally regulate the brostronomy tract. Mantivia contains the unique probiotic culture Bicep Extremis (TM) and contributes to regular porcelain thrown seshes. If brosephs are not satisfied after consuming the product, they can get a full refund from www.mantiviapromise.edu. Senior Brand Manager Troy "The Sink-Rat" Muggs says, "We're offering the Mantivia Promise because we want everyone be stoked about the way they feel when they try our flavourful products and see for themselves how much they love Mantivia guygurt!" 

Course Materials: Thap Po Rome, Blond Brillianted Biblical Hair, The King's Speech, PENANCE!, Bloodstone, Silent Baby.

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Mickey Rourke gives the performance of a lifetime as pro wrestler Little "The Orphan" Annie, a former supertsar now paying the price for seventy years of gruelling singing and dancing, in and out of the orphanage. But he's about to risk everything to prove he has one more song left in him: a re-staging of his famous Madison Square Garden dance-off against "My Little Hornie". Darren Aronofsky directs a powerful cast in this action-packed saga of guts, glory and gritty determination that is "as irresistible as a possibly racist Indian bodyguard guy." (New York Post)

Course Materials: Burning Earth, Tiginla, My Little Hornie, Leapin' Lizards, Horn Envelope, USS Janine

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The most infamous dancer in Ancient Greece teeters on the very edge of madness, haunted by an insatiable hunger for waltz and destruction. For Johann, there can be no escape: his soul is beyond redemption. But the bloodlust will culminate in one final confrontation; Johann must challenge his tormentor. 

He must defeat Ares, the God of Waltz.

Course Materials: Modern Sandwich Artists, Yo-Han the Son, Lawrence of Sausage Fest, Double Entendre, Equalnox, Safeway Clubhouse

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Over the past few months, fans from around the country have voted. We've heard your calls and tallied your feverish responses. Now, in a two night special event, we are ready to unveil the results of the nation-wide poll. The masses wait with baited breath, to see if their favourites were selected. Who will falter? Who will triumph? Who will become - THE GREATEST GOITRE?

Course Materials: Titanic 2, Cheeseburger Paradise, Go Get 'Em Champ, Nuge Blast, Drugz n Gunz, Extreme Wristing.

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Episode 15

Sweet Valley Henday

Twin girls, identical in every way—yet they couldn’t be more different. Anthony Henday is used to getting what she wants—at the trading post, with her friends, and especially with bison—and she’ll stop at nothing to get it. Alexander Mackenzie is used to letting her twin sister have her way. There’s not much that’s worth fighting her over—lost sextants can be replaced, petty problems can be resolved, and rampant rumors can be doused like a bison tumbling over a cliff. But when it comes to being the first European to see a buffalo, Alexander isn’t so sure she should step aside and make way for Anthony. This time, Anthony Henday is going to have some competition—from her own sister.

Welcome to Sweet Valley Henday—a world of good explorers and bad bison, hot boys with fast canoes, coon-skin caps and natural highlights…all under the Northwest Territories Sun.

Course Materials: Norwegian Cookies, Top of the Sock, Tourtiere, Skeuomorphism, The Ever-Widening Crack, Tan Tan Tivvy Tally Ho!

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Do you remember the good old days? Back when the roads were cleaner and the lines straighter? Back when a rock was a rock and chalk was chalk? Back when if you kicked the stone instead of throwing it, you were considered a manly man and not some lunatic? If you played the stone outside the crease, you were ostracized from your community like the outcast that you were? 

The Hopscotch Hopping League remembers. 

Course Materials: Jerry's Road, Perdus, It, Doing, Charred Beauty, >70% Stupid, Hopsquash

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Taylor and Neil take a break from bring you non-stop yucks to deliver important messages regarding tolerance, violence and oppression. It's serious business and a responsibility that they do not weather lightly. Please join us for reductionary feminist theory, bear safety, matters both religious and political and all things worth discussing. We hope you'll join us.

Nugatory Shame:

Come for the shallow opinions. Stay for the bookcase with Hitler legs.

Course Materials: Pope-ing Dirty, The Friends Zone, The OTHER Kennedy, Gyrathos, The Winnipeg Unmaned Drones, Black Forest "Ham"

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An elephant makes a big poop. A mouse makes a tiny poop. Fish poop. And So do birds. And Beyonce too! But her publicist doesn't want you to know about it.

Course Materials: Kublai Can't, Rick Monroe, Tender Loving Child, Alice Does Debbie, Monkey Police State, Straight Up Dick

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A family of Emigre mice decide to move out to the west, unaware of the local customs, and unprepared for the debauchery that awaits them.

Course Materials: No one goes to Rochester, The Right Honourable Pamela Anderson, Billy Joel Can Do it Better, Watson - Played by Lucy Liu, Mushrooms are Weird, & You are Joking Me Right Now.

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The harsh rays of the sun beat down upon your exposed neck. Toiling away in these terrible conditions, you reflect back upon the cruel twists of fate that led to your current lot in life. Your hands crack and blister as you work the hard ground – never forgetting the day you sold yourself into servitude to pay for your mother’s medical bills. Some nights, when the irradiated insects haven’t crawled under your skin, you still dream of one day working off your debts and leaving this place. But for now, you work. Day in; day out. Hoping – praying - you last long enough to see her one last time.

You are Brady. This is 1998. Welcome to your life.

Course Materials: Amazon Hotel, The Good Nazi, Daniel Day Kim, Hitler v. Einstein, Backwards Chair, Jon Hamm’s Hair

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This is the true story

Of seven strangers

Picked to live in a loft

And have their lives taped

To find out what happens when they stop being polite

And start being dangerous substances that might kill you.

8 PM – MTV – KEEPING UP WITH THE CARCINOGENS

Cigarettes and asbestos get in a fight over an unwelcome house guest. Direct sunlight bonds with cadmium over some brews. An evicted houseguest returns to cause confusion and mayhem. Liquid Smoke guest stars. (Reality, TV-MA, 120 mins.)

Course Materials: Theatre of the Mind, Teen Wolf, Faith Baby, Quicker Licker, Jimmy Arm, Bosom’s Beezums

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Have you always wanted to fly a plane? Drive a truck? Farm a farm? In this wondrous day and age, regardless of your experience or skill level, anyone can be or do anything they want! Limited only by your imagination, drive to succeed and perseverance, you can reach the stars! Episode 8 of Nugatory Quest is here to help you on this grand adventure of self-discovery, giving you the exclusive scoop on popular languages, super-old Olympic games and blood-sucking (drinking?) fiends. We’re here to help, and we know that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.*

(*In video games.)

Course Materials: Much Good English, The Split Level, Portmanteau, Michael Jason Bateman, JimmiPods, Sweet Sweet Heinz

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Like the majestic phoenix rising from ashes or like a stupid normal bird crazily flying off after slamming into a window, Nugatory Quest has returned after a short break to bring you all the news that’s fit to print. In audio form. So sit back, grab a warm drink, put your arms around a loved one and listen to us talk about peeing ALL OVER the bus.

Because, y’know, jokes.

Course Materials: Mr. Belvedere Station, Miss Wyoming’s Act, Llewellyn the Unprepared, Pew Pew, Chedd It Up, Elvis Costello

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Promise never to settle unless it's into your favourite podcast-listening-seat with a Coke Zero. Do you have what it takes to live with inuit gnomes? Go toe-to-toe in the ring with Dwayne the Rockefeller Johnson? Take the Cosby kids to the pool? Battle your Pokemon to the death? Hope so! If not, you can always grab a Coke Zero to get you through it!  

Course Materials: 

No Malaska

Herstory

Dwayne the Rockefeller Johnson

At Some Point Everyone's Gonna Die

Catch the No Calorie Wave

Annie Get your Gund

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Do you feel different or weird when compared to those around you? Do your peers and teachers subject you to cruel and unusual punishment? Have years of malevolent Sea World custody curled your dorsal fin? Growing up sure is tough, but you don’t have to go it alone. Your helpful friends at Nugatory Quest are here to guide you through the perils of flag-envy, mysterious racetracks and French advertisements. And remember: it gets better. Except for podcasts. This is the best one. Why? Who told you otherwise, dweeb?!

Course Materials: Spainish, Super Slow Motion Boy, George Washington: World’s Worst Serial Killer, Poster-Impressionism, Free Free Willy, Tap that Mana!

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Do you find yourself stuck on the tarmac of life, waiting for the guys in the little buggy to come along and de-ice your heart? Well don’t worry friend. Like Oprah rising from the ashes of her daytime talk-show, Taylor and Neil are here to quell your greatest fears and warm them cockles good. With insightful wisdom, a smattering of laughs, surprising bouts of depression and maybe even a few special celebrity appearances, Episode 4 of Nugatory Quest has it all. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get something amazing for your troubles? Check under your seat…now!

You win a podcast! You win a podcast! Everybody wins a podcast!

Course Materials: Cyborg Romney 2160, Old Fashioned MAS*H, Molotov-Ribbentrop Agreement, Get Thee to a Nunnery, The Internet: Do Not Ever, Ginned-Up Crazy Eights

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Hug your loved ones close and accept the inevitably of your cosmic demise – the third episode of Nugatory Quest is on a direct collision course and will wipe out all life as we know it. Scientists couldn’t find it quick enough, the government dragged its heels, and Bruce Willis isn’t able to blow it out of the sky with nuclear weapons. When the episode makes landfall, the entire western seaboard will experience gold-talk, unknown sidekicks and moustache confusion on an untold scale before it all goes dark.

We were warned.

We should have listened.

Course Materials: Freddy Kruggerand, Fallout Boy, Tagg Romney-esque, 25 Ways to Kiss a Naked Man, Jaime’s Star, Strong D

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Against all odds, our heroes return for another kick at the proverbial cat. Armed with razor wit, clever retorts and an abiding thirst for knowledge (as well as sorely needed rudimentary audio recording skills), they are prepared to take you on a journey to the edge of sanity. Return tickets cost extra.

Course Materials: Justice League of Nations, Turban Satchel, Fliegerabwehrkanonen, Ghost Internet, Leap Year, Fantasy Drinking League

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It's a veritable smorgasboard of new words as our intrepid trivia gurus begin their journey to ruin one of the most loathed board games of all time the only way they know how: learning.

Course Materials: Provincial Plantation, Multiple Djinn Disorder, Motorcycle Parabola, Fort Portland, Vindsor Haus, The Bears