The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships: Recent Episodes
Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli
Welcome to the Potential State Podcast with Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli. Here we will explore different ways to enrich your relationship with yourself and others through psychology, psychotherapy, improvisation, spontaneity, art, communication skills, NLP, and more. In every talk, we share experiences, thoughts, realizations, and learnings from our marriage as well as from Assael's work as a therapist, trainer, and performer. Come join us to enrich your relationships today.
Living in a hard times takes a toll on our relationships. We have changed and so has our partner. One of our biggest resources is our connections. Strengthening our relationships is vital for personal and collective resilience and well-being. How do we stay open and present to our partner, when our bodies and minds are closed in order to protect ourselves? OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through trying times.Join us as we talk to Dr. Shari Geller, clinical psychologist, Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) teacher, and author of A Practical Guide For Cultivating Therapeutic Presence. We will explore how can couples cultivate Presence and Self-Compassion in hard times?For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli:https://www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttps://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2zhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2UwDr. Shari Geller is an author, clinical psychologist, and certified Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) teacher. Shari co-authored the books, Therapeutic Presence: A Mindful Approach to Effective Therapeutic Relationships and A Practical Guide For Cultivating Therapeutic Presence.She offers training modules in therapeutic presence internationally as part of her vision of having presence be a foundational training across psychotherapy approaches. https://www.sharigeller.ca/https://www.sharigeller.ca/publications/https://www.sharigeller.ca/shari-geller-events/
We’re deep in wartime.We’re surrounded by war, trauma, power, dichotomies of good and bad and power. All this impacts our relationships and hurts our ability to be vulnerable.Join us as we talk with Alan Marriott, professional improvisor, voice actor, teacher and author of Genius Now! He is one of my all-time favorite improv teachers and he is BRILLIANT. His book is phenomenal and I reached out to him so we can play together and learn from his genius how we can use improv and specifically status play (which is the improv concept of power dynamics) to help couples soften hierarchy and co-create synergistic moments and intimacy For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli:https://www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttps://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2zhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2UwAlan Marriott has a career spanning improvisation, music, acting for stage, film and television, coaching, voiceover acting, creativity training, and global language and dialect exploration. Alan is a popular motivational speaker and creativity consultant for brands and corporates. He regularly performs in London and throughout Europe with the Grand Theft Impro Team and Slattery Night Fever (with Tony Slattery).His debut book on creative thinking and improvisation sums his message up well...‘Genius Now!’ www.alan-marriott.com
Living in a war zone for over three months has taken a toll on our relationships.We have changed and so has our partner.One of the first things to go is our playfulness, joy and spontaneity. Without them, we slide into survival mode and our relationships suffer.OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real, honest talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times.In this talk, we hosted Dr. Daniel Wiener, MFT, Drama Therapist and founder of Rehearsals For Growth (RFG). We explored how can couples playfully connect to alleviate stress?For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli:https://www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttps://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2zhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2UwGet Help Israel is the primary resource in English for the public in Israel and for professionals in the mental health field: https://gethelpisrael.com/Daniel J. Wiener, Ph.D, MFT, Drama therapist, and Group Psychotherapist. He is the founder of Rehearsals for Growth (RfG) and author of two books (Rehearsals for Growth: Theater Improvisation for Psychotherapists and The Rehearsals for Growth Practitioner Manual).www.rehearsalsforgrowth.com
OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real, honest talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times.Join us as we talk to Mary Jo Barrett, MSW, Collaborative Change Consultant and author of Treating Complex Trauma: A Relational Blueprint for Collaboration and Change. We will explore how partners can get out of our survival mindstate and re-connect?For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli:https://www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttps://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2zhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2UwGet Help Israel is the primary resource in English for the public in Israel and for professionals in the mental health field: https://gethelpisrael.com/Mary Jo Barrett is the Executive Director and co-founder of The Center for Contextual Change, Ltd. She is currently on the faculties of University of Chicago, School of Social Service Administration, The Chicago Center For Family Health, and the Family Institute of Northwestern University. Ms. Barrett has coauthored two books with Dr. Terry Trepper. Incest: A Multiple Systems Perspective and The Systemic Treatment of Incest: A Therapeutic Handbook. She also authored with Linda Stone Fish the seminal book Treating Complex Trauma. She co-created the Collaborative Stage Model (CSM), a highly successful contextual model of therapy used to transform the lives of those impacted by abuse and/or traumatic events.Ms. Barrett provides consultations, workshops, courses and other training opportunities nationally and internationally. www.centerforcontextualchange.orgmaryjo.ccc@gmail.com
*** We highly recommend you download and review The Wheel of Consent diagram as you listen to this episode. You can download it here for free: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/downloads
OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that will help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times.Join us as we talk to Dr. Betty Martin, Chiropractor, intimacy coach and best selling author of The Wheel of Consent. We will explore how partners can update and renegotiate intimate boundaries in times of trauma.
For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli:https://www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttps://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2zhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2UwDr. Betty Martin started as a Chiropractor and upon retiring from that practice, as a certified Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, and Somatic Sex Educator. Her explorations in somatic-based therapy and practices informed her creation of the framework, The Wheel of Consent®. As part of her work with the School of Consent, Betty travels around the world teaching practitioners how to create empowered agreements in their client sessions. https://bettymartin.org/https://wheelofconsentbook.com/To download the Wheel of Consent which Betty talk describes go here: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/downloads
OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that will help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times.Join us as we talk to Kevin A. Thompson who is a best selling author, pastor and counselor. We will explore how couples can become better partners, lovers and friends in times of crisis.For more on Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli:https://www.potentialstate.comhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationshipshttps://open.spotify.com/show/2Z6xnOpBznX7Y9Tf5VMx2zhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2UwKEVIN A. THOMPSON is married life pastor at Bayside Church in California. Every year he meets with nearly one hundred couples with a range of needs, from premarital counseling to navigating the most serious betrayals. A marriage and parenting conference speaker, he lives with his wife, Jenny, and their two children in Arkansas. He also the author of 4 books: You Turn: For When the Nearest Exit is Behind You, Friends, Partners, and Lovers, Happily, Fearless Familieswww.kevinathompson.comwww.changetheodds.comhttps://amzn.to/3NsyzNXhttps://amzn.to/46Vlofr
Join us for an honest talk with Mark O’Connell, author and therapist about how couples can hold and maintain personal and relational multiplicity in times of crisis? How do we stay connected to our full self and remain close in times of war?
Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli run The Potential State and offer individual and relationship coaching with Galit, individual therapy for men with Assael, and couple therapy sessions with Assael or both of us. Yes, we’ve been working together in the clinic for over 3 years and we’ve found it to be really powerful and effective. Additionally we offer online workshops and trainings for couples, teams and organizations
Mark O’Connell, LCSW-R, MFA, is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor in New York City. He’s the author of the books The Performing Art of Therapy: Acting Insights and Techniques for Cliniciansand Modern Brides & Modern Grooms. His articleson the performing art of living have been published in various clinical journals and popular sources, and he teaches workshops for therapists on using our most essential instrument: our selves. For more information visit www.markoconnelltherapist.com and www.theperformingartoftherapy.com
Change is not easy.
Many individuals and couples are lacking a blueprint for long-term systemic change.
In this talk, we integrate Joseph Campbell's Hero Journey monomyth with systemic change concepts and our Potential State ideas and present our integrated systemic hero's journey model.
Practical tips will help you recognize which stage you are in the journey and how to advance toward your goals.
Good luck!
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Hey Man (or woman),
Are you alive or are you somewhat turned off, numb, or somewhat apathetic?
If so, you're not alone.
You might be suffering from the under-diagnosed phenomenon of the covert male depression, as first described by Terrance Real.
In this talk, taken from a webinar for therapists, I share my story of covert depression and detail how this covert depression begins through psychological patriarchy, how it evolves and manifests through a limited relational and emotional repertoire, and its long-term (negative) effects on their intimate relationships.
Practical tips are given on how to engage and soften this depression.
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Are you living your full self?
Are you manifesting all your different passions and talents?
Some of us have multiple passions, and don't want to commit to only one profession.
That is called being a Multipotentialite (coined by Emilie Wapnick), or slashers.
How can you live a multipotentialite life?
This is an honest talk with friend Tal Shibi who is a slasher: dance/choreographer/photographer/director/actor/shiatsu practitioner. In this talk we explore how multipotentialites are born, bred, and raised through my personal story of how I got to teach at a dance school without learning dance, and to be an artistic director of a professional playback theater company without going to acting school. We explore the relationship and the (shallow) division between the worlds of art, therapy, and education.
Along the way, we laugh and challenge each other to grow. We also talk about what is art and how we can reclaim the title of "an artist" in our life.
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Many of us learn at a young age (especially boys) that vulnerability=weakness.
We therefore try to hide it and don't show it to our partners.
This results in shallow, self-presentational relationships with little vitality, excitement, play or curiosity.
Moreover, when you're not vulnerable, then you're less interesting to your partner and over time you become more numb to your own inner workings.
The solution? practice the ability of vulnerability. The more you'll show, the more free you'll feel.
But how can I be more vulnerable (especially if I'm not used to it)?
In this talk, we unpack the issue of vulnerability in intimate relationships, using examples from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you dare to be more vulnerable in a safe and gradual way.
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Fighting is inevitable in every intimate relationship.
Most of us don't like, don't know how, or don't even know when we are fighting.
Yet arguments and conflicts are a crucial element in building an intimate, differentiated relationship.
Too bad there isn't a blueprint for a "positive" fight and make up...
Well, actually, there is!
In this talk, we share a recommended three-stage model for the positive fight and make up, which will help turn your disputes into relational diamonds.
Inspired by the wonderful book After the Fight by Dan Wile, we use our last vicious fight and make up to show how this process is manifested.
Practical tips will help you leverage your next fight to deeper intimacy.
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Many of us find ourselves in charge or a certain dimension of our relationship alone, be it cleaning, financial planning, parenting, and more.
This sole responsibility is often a source of tension and frustration in the dyad.
This universal pattern is called the seesaw principle (as coined my Michelle Weiner Davis), where the more one person does, the less the other partner does.
In this talk we unpack the seesaw principle in intimate relationships through examples from our marriage and the clinic and offer practical advice to help you both find a more collaborative, interdependent partnership.
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Bitterness.
Usually it is a passing feeling, but sometimes we encounter a partner who is constantly bitter, and their partner who is trying to cheer them up (or avoid them).
It is so common that it has become almost a stereotype.
Women express bitterness through criticism, pessimism, grogginess, and overall negativity. Men express this feeling through cynicism, apathy, aggression, or passive aggressive behavior.
In this talk, we unpack bitterness and explain why it is so common in intimate relationships, especially in women, through examples from the clinic and our marriage.
Practical tips will help you become less bitter and more playful.
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Do you have a sense your partner is sticking it to you but they keep denying it?
Do you or your partner deny certain bad behaviors to each other?
We all sometimes semi-consciously act in small negative ways to our partners - David Schnarch calls this phenomenon "Normal Marital Sadism". After all, the opposite of love is apathy (not hatred). So we all do it.
But when one partner continuously denies aggressive, belittling, or mean relational behavior, in a way that makes their partner doubt themselves and their perception - that is called Gaslighting.
Gaslighting is real and happens in all relationships in one form or another.
In this talk, we unpack the phenomenon of Gaslighting and it's tax on relationships, through examples from the clinic and our marriage. Practical tips will help you stop (or at least minimize) Gaslighting in your relationship today.
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Are you (or your partner) super driven to be efficient?
Is it hard for you to lower your productivity and just be?
If so, you're not alone.
Efficiency is actually a wonderful trait but can also function as a defense mechanism. That is why we call it E-FISH-NET, a big (electronic) net that catches all of you and takes you hostage.
What is the solution?
To be more present, to do less things in more time, to be DIS(C)organized.
But how?
In this talk, we unpack the need to be efficient and its relational tolls through examples from our life and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften the need to be E-FISH-NET, and enjoy the moment more.
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The 'lost' years of a couple's life occur after about 7-10 years: kids, mortgage, school, aging parents, careers, bills, chores, marriage is stable, annoying in-laws, holidays, boredom, fatigue, routine...
For most couples these years tend to feel 'comfortably numb' and are sometimes disrupted with a rude awakening in the form of an affair, medical or family drama. These naturally latent years sometimes lead couples to think that they lost their spark and occasionally choose to divorce due to unfamiliarity with the unavoidable dynamics of this stage in life.
Yet these somewhat lethargic years need not be lost!
In this talk with Dr. Micha Belzer, a couple and family therapist, we discuss the uncomfortable truths about this life cycle stage and what steps can be taken in order to keep the couple hungry, playful, foolish, growing and engaged.
Examples are given from my work with couples in that cohort.
Practical tips are shared to help prevent these years from becoming dormant.
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"I know all there is to know about the crying game..." Boy George
Crying is a natural and organic way to express and release emotions.
Yet crying in relationship is not always easy: Some of us cry very often (over-crying) and some of us find it hard to cry at all (blocked cryers).
Both of these extremes have advantages and disadvantages, and both don't facilitate a healthy expression of feeling in relationships.
In this talk, we unpack why and how partners avoid or over-emphasize crying in their intimate relationship through examples from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you learn the art of relational crying today.
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"If I can't see your selfishness, I can't believe your generosity." Betty Martin
Many of us have a problem expressing our desires and wants in our intimate relationships.
Why?
For men, this can stem from psychological patriarchy that deems wanting, vulnerability or need as something negative.
For others, not wanting protects us from rejection or ridicule.
But if we don't express our wants, then we become bitter, and lonely. Over time, our partner will begin to assume we don't want anything, and that we're always content- which makes us less interesting. The result? Our needs are not seen or met.
The solution?
Daring to voice our desires!
In this talk we share the different reasons why partners avoid sharing, and the costs of such elusion, through examples from our life and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you bravely articulate your desires in your relationship.
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Are you a drama queen (or king)?
Are you in a relationship with a drama queen?
(Truth is that men are the real drama queens.)
If so, you probably know how draining and annoying it is interacting with such 'royalty'.
But the systemic truth is: You are encouraging them.
Yes, there is no drama queen/king without an audience.
Underneath such drama, there is usually a cry for attention or a 'love tank' that is empty.
Are you looking beyond the queenship drama to see what is the deeper bid?
In this talk, we explore this dynamic through examples in our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you soften such dynamic and help both of you feel more seen and valued.
For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
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Most of us think that two is the most stable number in relationships.
But every dyad needs a third to stabilize it.
The process of including a third in a dyad is called triangulation.
Triangulation is a natural and unavoidable dynamic that occurs in every relationship.
The problems begin with the triangulation is fixed and rigid. It creates a 'lose-lose' dynamic that prevents all three members from raising differentiation and deepening their relationships.
In this talk, we discuss the phenomenon of triangulation in intimate relationships through examples of our own marriage and from the clinic.
Practical tips will help you lower triangulation in your intimate relationships today.
For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
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Imagine all the human emotion would be spread out from 1 being deep despair, all the way to 10 being extreme ecstasy.
What would be your range?
Which numbers (feelings) are you less familiar with?
Many of us are 4-6'ers. We live "between the 40's", keeping it safe, functional but also somewhat numb.
In this talk, Galit and I talk about the natural 4-6 phenomenon and its impact on relationships through examples from our own marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you expand your emotional range now.
For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
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Most of us believe criticism (or constructive feedback) more than praise.
Why? Because some of us grew up in homes where criticism was a way to show care.
Over time, this environment creates a core belief that "love = criticism".
Such a tendency leads to relationships fraught with conflict, cynicism, and sarcasm.
In this talk, Galit and Assael unpack this core belief and its effects through examples from their marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften this tendency and create a more positive, complimentary, generative relationship today.
For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
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And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then...Mothers and fathers feel different kinds of guilt regarding their parenting. Kids grow up fast and we have so many things to do all the time. Times are even more challenging during COVID lock-down.
Therefore, the guilt is almost inevitable, but there is hope.
You can move from guilt to gratitude.
But first, you must name it to tame it.
In this talk, Assael shares his guilt and the best practices he's found to reduce them.
Galit shares her guilt experience as a m.other who is with the kids 24/7 in lock-down.
Together they help parents of all sorts, move from past to future, from regret and shame to learning and growth.
For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in parenting and relationships - click here!
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
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Do you secretly find it hard to feel and/or express joy in your personal life? Are you in a relationship with a joy killer?
If you do, then you're not alone!
In the past months, we have discovered that Assael has trouble expressing joy (can you say, a pessimist?), while for Galit joy is a natural and accessible resource (optimist, or as we call her a unicorn).
This sent Assael to family therapy with his parents to understand the source of this difficulty - and he came back with some shocking discoveries.
Since then we have been talking about it with our clients, only to discover that many people find it hard to recognize and express joy for a myriad of reasons.
In this talk, we share what we discovered about joy from our marriage and the clinic. We share both the pessimist and optimist tips on how to recognize and express joy in your life.
For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
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Every couple has implicit power struggles in the different areas of their relationship (sex, money, parenting, looks, intelligence, and so on...).
We call this the 95/70 rule.
It has been our experience that this dynamic is inherently present and shapes the couples' mutual functioning.
One of the ways we have been renegotiating our 95/70 contract in the past year, is by having Galit join Assael's podcast.
Reflecting on our journey toward working together, we show how this power dynamic hurts relationships and how to soften this power dynamic in order to deepen intimacy, play, and partnership.
For the expanded talk on the 95/70 click here.
For registration and more details on the 95/70 power dynamic webinar - click here!
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Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
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Many of us insist that feedback be precise or else they won't consider it.
Yet often this precision serves more as a block, a defense mechanism that prevents our growth.
In this talk, I share how people use precision as a sophisticated defense mechanism to keep them safe and prevent pain. Through examples from the clinic, I show the losses of this mechanism and how to allow yourself to "lower your standards" in order to accept influence.
Practical tips will help you let more things land and grow.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Often times, we (especially men) prefer to solve our partner's problems instead of actually letting their feelings or pain into our awareness.
This often leads to a "report talk" dynamic where intimacy is low and partners avoid leaning on each other.
In this talk, Galit and I unpack why do we prefer to solve our partner's problems and how to stop that habit through examples from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you listen more and solve less in your relationships.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Most couples avoid certain unavoidable Topics or decisions. In couples therapy, we call it crucibles, T-junctions, gridlock, 70% unsolvable issues, and more.
Yet by avoiding these 'hot' issues, we are stunting our own growth.
In this talk, Galit and I offer a fresh view on these lose-lose dilemmas and offer practical advice on how to lean into them in order to grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and from our own drama around a drawing that was scotch-taped to the wall in my mother-in-law's house...
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
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Are you (or your partner) one of those people who constantly apologize for everything, even for things that no apology is needed (for example, sorry I didn't pick up the paper you dropped)?
If so, this is not only a disempowered, defeated stance but also a subconscious passive-aggressive manipulative move. Yes, over apologizing has a "shadow" side.
In this talk, Galit and I unpack the science and art of over-apologizing, through examples from the clinic and our lives.
Practical examples will help you stop over-apologizing, as well as equip you with better ways to deal with an over-apologizing partner.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We've all been in this scenario:
Your partner asks or remarks to you on something that you don't want to do.
Since we're scared of disappointing them and want to avoid a fight, we "smokescreen" our truth and placate them. This often leads to heaviness, lack of play, mind reading, and tension.
The solution?
“IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO ME.”
In this talk, Galit and I unpack why using this sentence playfully with ownersh!t, can help you become more authentic and open with your partner.
Examples are given from the clinic and our life.
Practical tips will help you speak this simple truth effectively in your relationship.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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How many of you have heard and internalized the feedback that you're "too much"?
If so, how has that impacted your life?
Every day we work with women (and sometimes men) who have internalized this limiting belief and its negative impact on their lives.
In this talk, Galit and I breakdown the gains and losses of this core belief, through examples from Galit's life and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften this core belief and be your fullest self!
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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So often couples engage in an unconscious competition who is suffering more in the relationship.
This dynamic results in more arguments, less vulnerability, and even a breakup.
In this talk, Galit and I describe this dynamic, the reasons behind it, and the damage it creates.
Examples are given from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften this dynamic in your own relationship.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Why is it that when our partner tries to change their behavior, we so often shoot it down, claiming its "fake"?
Because often we have this dichotomous thinking (Eithor) that if our partner doesn't do it naturally then they're faking it.
But every new behavior will feel somewhat fake because if it was natural for us, we would've done it already!
What is the solution?
To soften our Natural/Fake Eithor.
In this talk, Galit and I explain how this Eithor is created and how it prevents couples from growing and evolving.
Examples are given from the clinic and our marriage.
Practical tips will help you become more open and positive about the behavioral change of your partner.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all have tense periods where we tend to interpret anything and everything our partner says or does as negative, insulting, hurtful, or aggressive.
The Gottman researchers call this dynamic N.S.O - negative sentiment override.
This lethal dynamic has a snowball effect that is hard to stop, and can lead to deep resentment and breakup.
In this talk, Galit and I explain the reasons and dynamic of NSO through examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical (somewhat surprising) tips will help you minimize NSO in your relationship today.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Dating today is not easy.
Singles are getting tired and confused as to how to date in the 21st century, COVID, apps-filled era.
Yet we believe the dating scene should be approached from a completely different angle:
instead of going on dates, choose to see them as PLAY DATES, where your goal is to be yourself and fun.
In this talk, Galit and I offer our top ten (somewhat surprising) practical dating tips that will help you be more yourself and more vulnerable in your (play) dates.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching your relationship every week!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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The media puts a lot of pressure on us to have wonderful, multi-orgasm, wall-socket sex.
But in reality, in a committed long-term relationship, mediocre (maintenance) sex is inevitable.
This causes many couples (especially men) to avoid sex and even doubt their relationship.
In this talk, Galit and I unpack the truth about maintenance sex and share why it is crucial for happy relationships.
Practical tips will help you enjoy mediocre sex (while still aiming for great sex).
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources every week!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Do you feel like you are more emotionally intelligent and somewhat superior in your intimacy skills than your partner?
Do you feel like your partner is nagging you and never happy with the level of communication and feelings you express?
If you answered yes, then you might be in the Intimacy Queen/King and Emotionally Disabled dynamic. This dynamic hides the fact that BOTH of you are essentially avoiding mature intimacy through your specific roles.
In this talk, I explain how this dynamic evolves and how to change it through examples from the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften this dynamic in your own relationship today.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources every week!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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For many of us yelling is a sensitive issue.
We inherit from our families of origin certain beliefs and attitudes about yelling.
Yet sometimes, yelling is a sublimatory expression of feelings, frustrations, or even excitement.
What is the difference then? How can we distinguish and work with yelling?
In this talk, Galit and I unpack this topic through examples from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you better work with yelling in your relationships.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We say sorry all the time (or not enough) in our intimate relationships.
But often we confuse between the different types of 'sorry' we use. This often leads to more conflict and stress than forgiveness and closeness.
In this talk, Galit and I share the four types of Sorry we've distilled in our life together, using examples from our life.
Practical tips will help you distinguish which sorry to use in different scenarios in your relationship.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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People are different and so misunderstandings and ruptures are unavoidable.
Therefore, disappointments are natural and unavoidable. Many of us avoid expressing and hearing of our partner's disappointment with us.
This usually stems from a fear that disappointment leads to abandonment.
Yet disappointment is actually a wonderful tool for individual and relational growth!
In this talk, Galit and I unpack disappointment and why it's a crucial feeling in relationships, through examples from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you reclaim disappointment in your relationships for deeper intimacy and growth.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all react to our MAP of the world and not the objective world.
In NLP we say: The map is not the territory.
Our map of the world is shaped by our sensory preference (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, audio-digital). Conflicts and tensions in relationships stem from differences in sensory preferences.
Learning to recognize your own and other's maps of the world can help you improve your relationships.
In this talk, Galit and I explain the different sensory preferences and how they affect intimate relationships, through examples from our life and the clinic.
Practical examples will help you become more aware and flexible in your communication.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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A lot of us were taught that "wanting is dangerous" therefore we develop a core belief that "ambition is dangerous" and we either avoid being ambitious or alternatively feel guilty for being ambitious.
But Ambition is a healthy feeling that can help you live the life you've always wanted.
In this talk, I break down ambition, and through examples from the clinic and my life, show how it can be reclaimed.
Practical tips will help you reclaim ambition in your life today.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all get bored and judgmental in our life and our relationship.
This is a natural effect of growing older.
Yet it is possible to prevent these feelings.
How?
Curiosity.
In this talk, I explain how curiosity can prevent and minimize boredom and judgment, through examples from the clinic and my life.
Practical tips will help you increase your curiosity today!
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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It's natural to keep score in our intimate relationship. Yet if it's too rigid it can limit your personal and relational growth.
In this talk, I explain why this happens and how to change it through examples from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tips will help you soften the scorekeeping in your life, so both partners can start winning.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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In each Eithor episode, we tackle a different core dichotomy that limits people's growth.
Most of us have a core belief that we can either be playful or responsible. We inherit this core belief from our families of origin and enact it in our lives. This either/or dichotomy (What we call an EITHOR - an internal golem that limits you) hurts your ability to grow and hurts your intimate relationships. In this talk Galit (my wife) and I explore how this EITHOR manifests and how to change it.
Examples are given from the clinic and our marriage.
Practical tips will help you soften this Eithor in your life today.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all have secrets. That's natural.
But what limits our growth and relationships is the shame and guilt they cause.
But what can we do about it?
In this talk, I share the ways in which secrets can hurt your development and prevent your intimate relationships from deepening.
Examples are given from the clinic and my life.
Practical tips are given how to safely diffuse secrets from the toxic effect in your life.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all have a love tank. When it's empty we feel unloved, angry, lonely, and become passive-aggressive. In short, empty love tank=bad relationships.
The secret to a good relationship is filling up each other's love tank.
How do you do it?
Firstly, you must recognize what you and your partner's love language is. Then you must learn how to speak in their love language.
In this talk, Galit (my wife) and I discuss the theory of The Five Love language by Dr. Gary Chapman, using examples from the clinic and our marriage.
Practical tips are given to help you learn to recognize your own love language and better fill your partner's and children's love tank.
For more information on the five love languages check out: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Most of us try to avoid deep feelings of pain, anguish, and despair.
Yet by blocking those dark feelings (which I call the 1-3 feelings) you are also blocking your ability to feel deep ecstasy, joy, and elation.
In this talk, I explain why the key to your deep joy is in your pain, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you gently explore your pain to re-connect to profound joy.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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"There's no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone."
Do people in your life want more from you?
Are they excited and invested in your development and growth?
Most of us don't have a 'more' space in our lives where we are challenged to evolve and mature by the people around us.
In this talk I explain why having a 'more' space in your life will help you develop beyond your comfort zone.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tips are given how to start creating a 'more' space in your relationships.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We don't want to show our faults and shadows. We fear that people will hurt, reject, or leave us if they see how "pathetic" we are.
Therefore we create environments where you have to bring your "best self", which lead to self-presentation and shallowness. The result is atmospheres lack vitality, play, or growth.
In this talk I explain why creating spaces where faults are welcome can enhance and deepen your relationship.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you create such open spaces in your relationships.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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https://twitter.com/assael
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You're a good person. You try not to judge people by their race, religion, sexual orientation, or other criteria.
But oftentimes trying to avoid judgment also means avoiding distinction. Distinction is crucial for your ability to understand and be empathetic to the other.
Avoiding distinction actually hurts your intimate relationships and lowers your ability to be empathetic to others.
In this talk I explain why morphing judgment and distinction hurts your relationship and how you can change that. Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips are given how to reclaim distinction and labels in a respectful, generative way in your relationship.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Many of us have a core belief that "your pain=my fault or responsibility". Over time this creates another core beilef that "my partner's wishes are my obligation."
Soon after, both partners avoid sharing their wishes and start egg-shelling around their partner.
This dynamic leads to a loss of play, potential state and a "playground" for you to hear yourself process out loud your dreams and fantasies.
In this talk, I explain how this dynamic develops and how to change it, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical examples will help you release yourself feeling commanded by your partner's wishes.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Your brain is built to protect you from pain and danger, which is wonderful.
But personal and relational growth demand you let new information "in".
Since "there is no comfort in the growth zone", you must learn how to open your mind and let new information in.
In this talk, I describe how to fire the brain from being the body guard so you can discover new blindspots and grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Pratical tips will help you fire your body-guard and grow.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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The time has come to finally dedicate an episode to the concept of OWNURSH!T© (Yes, the term is copyrighted).
If you really want to change your life, you must begin with owning up to all the unwanted, denied or dissociated parts of yourself (your shadow or sh!t).
Ownursh!t© is the complete ownership of your shadow parts to yourself and your partner. In this episode I describe why the act of Ownursh!t© is crucial for individual and relational change, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you ownursh!t more.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Do you have a dynamic in your relationship where one partner always forgets (for different reasons) and the other always remembers and has to remind their partner what happened? If so, this dynamic prevents the couple from becoming more intimate and equal.
In this episode I share why some partners cleave to the "forgetting" business card and the price both partner pay in this rigid, dichotomous dynamic.
This is shown through examples from the clinic with real couples.
Practical tips will help you soften this forgetting/remembering split in your intimate relationship.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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What is love?
This is my current definition of love:
"Love it the positive freedom to bring my different self-states, within the creative limitations of an intimated, committed, long-term relationship."
In this talk, I explain this definition of love and how it can help you create relationships where you are free to be yourself, while growing and being open to your partner.
Examples are given from the couple therapy clinic and from my personal life. Practical tips will help you shape your relationship to be full of positive freedom.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all have some relationship to our feelings. We might be dissociated from them, fear them, be controlled by them and more. Yet feelings are what make us human and if we can learn to not act on them but rather to surrender to them, we'll be able to feel fully alive.
In this talk I explain how surrendering to your feelings can help enrich your life.
Examples are given from the couple therapy clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will aid you in better connecting to your feelings.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all want to be free to be ourselves in the world and in our relationships. Yet without blocking our exists, we will ultimately repeat the same behaviors and facades (relational business cards) that we usually use. This "negative" freedom actually prevents us from maturing and expanding our relational repertoire. In this talk, I explain the concepts of positive and negative freedoms and why blocking our exists can help us grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you consciously block your own exists within your relationships.
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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In these isolated, lockdown times, it becomes really hard for us to hear and fulfil our partner's wants from us.
One listner asked us what can she do if her partner refuses to cooperate with her want?
In this episode Galit Romanelli and I share the theory of The Wanting Spiral, through an example from our marriage.
This model helps you distinguish between your external behaviroal want of your partner to your deeper internal need. The model will also help your partner hear this need in a more open way.
Practical tips are given on how to use this model.
If you have any requests for specific content that will help you, please email us at
Assael@potentialstate.com and we'll create new content.
Link to the original Spiral of Wanting episode can be found here.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
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All of us need pockets of Mastery, or what we call "rock star" moments, in order to give us energy, vitality and strength for the rest of the week.
In the lockdown of Corona feeling such mastery is more challenging.
In this video Galit and I explain the importance of finding mastery for yourself, celebrating mastery for your partner, normalizing non-mastery and leveraging the Corona reality in order to develop new masteries. Examples are given from our marriage and practical tips will help you cherish and realize mastery in your relationship.
Link to the original Rock Star episode:
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/244426/1728487-live-the-rock-star-life-today
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
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Most of us don't know how to approach conflict - we either avoid it or explode in it. In this talk, I share what I've learned about conflict managment and how you can learn to better manifest the conflicts in your life for personal and relational growth. Examples are given from my couple therapy clinic and my personal life. Practical tips are given to help you learn to use conflict for growth.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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In times of fear, uncertainty and pandemic, most couples are at risk for more conflict, trauam and pain. Couples that are isolated at home with young children are even more at risk for anger, burnout, despair and agression.
It is especially important in times like these for couples to cleave to 2 essential abilities:
1. Play.
2. Ownursh!t - full personal responsibility of one's shadow parts and negative behaviors.
In this special episode, Galit and Assael share from their theory and personal experiences to give you practical tools to embrace play and ownursh!t in these times.
link to the episode on play is the lube of life.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
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Sometimes we get FOMO or stuck when faced with a dilemma.
Yet there is a huge growth opportunity under every dilemma.
In this talk, I describe what question lies underneath every dilemma and how you can use it to manifest growth in your life.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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In this special talk for International Women's Day, Galit Romanelli explains why it is crucial for women to reclaim their voices and for men to "lean out" to give women the space they need.
reclaim
www.mothermilk.org
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We tend to expect others to be our best lovers.
This is a result of our upbringing and a lack of open communication about sensuality and sexuality.
In this talk I propose that you aspire to be your own best lover of all time. You first need to learn about your own enjoyment and how to please yourself. Then share that knowledge with your partner.
In this talk explain this concept through examples from my clinic and my life.
Practical tips are given on how to become your own best lover of all time!
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Some of us tend to protect ourselves with cynicism and sarcasm.
While these two behaviors seem "funny" and "harmless", they actually hurt relationship and can confuse your children.
In this talk I explain why people hide behind these behaviors, what is gained and the prices paid. Examples are given from the clinic and my life.
Practical tips will help you dare to be more vulnerable and lower the levels of sarcasm in your relationship.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Finally a "real" couple talking about "real issues" without editing.
Join Galit and Assael As they discuss openly the concept of taking responsibility ("I got it") in intimate, committed relationships.
Discussing concepts from the world of psychotherapy, NLP, improvisation, communication, systems thinking, and gender, they examine and discuss this idea of "I got it" in relationships.
As always, the discussion is live, and full of jabs, passive aggressive, banter, play and love.
They share examples from their marriage and include practical tips.
Come in and listen!
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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As mortals, we fear death so we lie to ourselves and see the world as the same: Every day is like the previous day, and our work, family and kids are just the same as yesterday.
But the truth is: We're always one step behind life!
Every day is actually a brand new experience, filled with new interactions and possibilities.
We can either ignore this truth or we can open ourselves up to the exciting reality (and anxiety) that the new days bring!
Improvisation skills are the best tool to help us "catch up" with life.
In this talk, I explore this topic through examples from my personal and professional life.
Practical tips will help you be on the same page with life.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We tend to argue with our partner "what really happened".
Many hours are spent fighting over who said what, who was first, what actually happened.
But the truth is: "Who Cares?"
Unless you're a judge or a police officer, the facts don't matter in intimate relationships.
In this talk, I explain why the subjective experience of partners is much more important than the objective truth.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips are shared on how to move from objective one up/one down, to subjective eye-level discussions.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all make compromises in our relationships.
But if you tend to feel resentment, bitterness or self-pity - you are essentially casting your partner as the cause of your pain. This could lead to a problematic victim triangle dynamic.
In this talk, I explain why resentment is the poison of relationships through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you admit and move beyond resentment in your intimate relationships.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Men and Women see the world differently.
They also communicate differently. Whether it is due to nature or nurture, there is a big difference in the style and goal of their communication.
This difference causes many misunderstandings, ruptures, and conflict.
With some awareness and flexibility, you can learn to communicate better with women and men.
In this talk, I explore different theories on gendered communication, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips are given on how to expand your communicational mastery.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
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Most of us don't take care of ourselves enough.
We try to prioritize self-care, yet often it doesn't work.
Why?
Because self-care is RELATIONAL when you're in an intimate relationship.
"Taking" self-care is essentially "giving" by your partner, who often will resist these changes.
In this talk, I explain why self-care is relational through personal and professional examples. Practical tips are given how to initate and follow through with relational self care.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Parenting is hard.
Co-parenting is even harder.
Most parents find themselves in dichotomous roles:
- The Upstairs Parent - is less hands on, more focused on themselves or work, more fun and flexible and less responsible for the day-to-day parenting.
- The Downstairs Parent - is the one running the daily child-rearing logistics, mostly alone and by themselves.
In this talk I explore the gains and losses of these roles and why you should find a way to soften this rigid dichotomy.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips are given to help you both stay flexible and together.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Stories shape the way we experience our life and reality.
We tell and listen to stories all day. But are we really hearing the deep truth in those stories?
In this talk, I share a simple terminology that will help you hear the deep truth, the archetypal, universal themes that connect us all.
Hearing this primal truth will help you better connect and empathize with the people in your life. Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips are given to help you practice listening to the deep truths of the people in your life.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Most of us get flooded and run away from heated conflicts in our intimate relationships: we hang up the phone, slam the door, take a walk.
While this can sometimes help you regulate, many times this actually increases the rupture and prevents repair and play.
In this talk I advocate while often it's time "to go back into the ring" of your relationship in order to grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tips will aid you in returning more and more into the crucible ring!
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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https://twitter.com/assael
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We're all complicated people living in a complex time.
But this ambiguity prevents relationships from growing.
Simple "caveman" communication together with natural consequences, albeit risky, can actually push your relationship to the next level.
In this talk, I explain how Caveman Consequences can help with examples from the clinic and my life with my classic wife Galit Romanelli.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all have our default part, trait, or behavior we bring first in intimate relationships.
This is what I call our Relational Business Card.
We've developed it since we were children and perfected it over time.
Yet these business cards can sometimes limit our relational repertoire and the people we attract into our lives.
In this talk, I describe the concept of Relational Business Cards and how you can expand your cards.
Examples are given from the clinic and my life.
Practical tips are given how to expand your relational business cards immediately.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Do you (or your loved ones) have to be in control all the time?
If so, then you are paying a heavy personal and relational price.
In this talk I share how and why do people have to control everything in their life and the price they pay for that.
I will share some examples from the clinic and my life.
Examples are given as well as tips on how to release some control in your relationships.
Link to the Mistakes episode - http://podcast.potentialstate.com/244426/1991479-there-are-no-mistakes-only-learning
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
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You want your partner to celebrate you.
Yet you don’t want to ask them, because you want it to come from them.
You’ve tried everything: waiting, hinting, expecting, demanding, even asking.
But that usually leads to a lose-lose situation: either they do it because you pressured them, or they don’t do it at all if you don’t ask.
So what can you do?
In this talk, I explain how to get unsolicited celebration from your partner.
Examples are given from my life, as well as practical tips that will increase your chances at getting spontaneous celebration.
Link to (M)other Milk podcasts and videos:
https://www.mothermilk.org/podcast
https://www.mothermilk.org/videos
Link to the wanting spiral episode:
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/244426/1436536-ownursh-t-14-the-six-phases-of-the-wanting-spiral
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
https://medium.com/@assael
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all prefer to leave things open and not commit. That way we postpone conflict, intimacy and maintain control.
But this vagueness creates personal and relational problems and tensions.
The Solution: being explicitly uncomfortable.
In this talk I explain why we keep it vague and how can we dare to become more uncomfortably explicit. Examples are included from the clinic and my life.
Tips are given how to be more explicitly uncomfortable.
Recorded live on FB.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
https://medium.com/@assael
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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As kids there were no mistakes. Through the years we become scared of making mistakes and failing. That leads to issues of control, perfectionism and anxiety.
Yet the truth is that there are no mistakes!
In this talk I'll share creative attitudes towards mistakes from the world of theater improvisation, NLP and psychotherapy to show a new way to look at mistakes.
Examples will be given from the clinic and my life with Galit Romanelli. As always, practical tips will be given to help you start enjoying mistakes!
Recorded live on FB.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
https://medium.com/@assael
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
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Life is serious.
Relationships are difficult.
You need a place to verbalize all the crazy that you are feeling and thinking in a way that will be generative and fun.
In this talk, I explain how to do it with examples from the clinic, workshops and my marriage with the ever-playful Galit Romanelli.
Recorded live on FB.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
https://medium.com/@assael
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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https://twitter.com/assael
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Most of us deflect and stonewall ourselves from our partner's constructive feedback or pain. Over time such defensiveness can hurt your relationship.
The solution?
LET IT LAND. Also called Accepting influence.
In this talk, I explain how to let your partner's positions affect you in order to enrich your relationship. Examples are given from the clinic and my life with Galit Romanelli, as well as practical tips on how to do it.
Recorded live on FB.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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What do you do when you arrive at your hotel and EVERYTHING SUCKS?
How do you not let reality ruin your (and your kids) experience?
Join Galit and Assael as they demonstrate how to use Play to save your disaster vacations.
Link to the original episode of Play as the lube of life:
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/244426/1910906-play-is-the-lube-of-life-on-vacation
The clip from Inside Out "Thanks for ruining Pizza, San Fransisco":
https://youtu.be/O_b2W0Vfbv4
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all test our partners, hoping they will either pass and validate our choice, and/or fail and help us feel better with ourselves. Whatever the test is, the secret is to admit it playfully so the test can help you actually increase intimacy and vulnerability.
In this talk I explain and give examples on how to use tests to graduate to the next level of your relationship.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://twitter.com/assael
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Most of us have a problem with our physical size (weight, height, look, features). We usually overcompensate by belittling ourselves or being condescending. Not owning our size, actually stops our PERSONAL growth.
In this talk I explain how to own your size, through examples from the clinic and real life.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://twitter.com/assael
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Not knowing how to change is a great defense mechanism that not only protects you but in the long run can hurt your self-esteem as well as your relationship.
In this talk I explain why and how not knowing hurts you and your loved ones. Examples and tips are given on how to start knowing and daring to share your (not) wanting.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all have three brains that allow us to be rational, sensitive human beings.
But under stress or conflict we lose one of the brains and regress to early Homo Sapiens defense survival mechanisms.
In this talk I explain why and how this survival mindstate unfolds and its impact on your relationships. Examples are given from the clinic and parenting. I also share how you can utilize your whole brain to move from survival mode to being fully engaged in your relationships.
recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
Come read our blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
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Most of us live rather grey lives, without too much excitement.
The routine of life is hard sometimes.
We wonder if our life could be more exciting, like the ones we see in the movies.
But we can all access the rock star life!
Come learn why you should live it, how you can achieve it through examples from workshops and my family.
Practical tips will help you rock on today!
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Life is Hard.
It's like a long game full of rules and regulation that you need to follow in order to "win". Play can help it be much more easy and fun.
Come see how and why LUBE IS THE LUBE OF LIFE through examples from coffee shops, the clinic, my marriage, parenting and more.
Practical tips on how to lubricate the game of life are given.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Do you or your loved ones speak in past tense (I realized, I though, I discovered, I reflected...)?
If so, that type of communication is often a defense mechanism that keeps you safe and less vulnerable, but also kills the possibility of synergistic, co-created relationships.
In this talk I explain why people do this and the impact it has on intimacy and communication. Examples from the clinic and workshops illustrate how the move from past tense to PRESENTENSE can actually change dynamics.
Practical tips are given to help you dare to broadcast live in your life.
Recorded live on FB.
Come read The Potential State Blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
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Does your partner disappoint you by not celebrating your achievements? Do they sometimes even discourage, mock or belittle your personal or professional growth?
If so, then no need to be insulted, surprised or disappointed.
The solution is simple:
STOP WAITING FOR THEIR APPROVAL!
For most partners, they resist your growth because they are part of your system.
In this talk I explain why the people who love us the most, often stop our growth. Examples illustrate how this unfolds in the clinic and my life and practical tips are given on how to deal with this truth.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
*** And check out my wife Galit Romanelli's amazing project that is rocking our life and hopefully the world: www.mothermilk.org
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"For he who holds a hammer, the whole world is a nail." (Maslow)
We all have core beliefs about ourselves and the world (for example: I'm damaged good, the world is dangerous place, kids are a burden, anger is bad). They all originally served and protected us. Over the years, some might have become limiting and constraining through the years.
In this talk I describe how these core beliefs are adopted, how they serve us and when is it time to refresh them.
Examples will be given from the clinic that demonstrate how these core manifest in relationships.
Practical tips on how to change your core beliefs are detailed.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Do you (or your loved one) often flood the conversation with strong feelings, traumas or dramas?
If so, that is called Spewing and although it has gains, it is actually detrimental to your relationship.
In this talk, I explain why it is better to open a shutter instead of spewing. Examples from the clinic and teaching illuminate the negative effects of spewing. Practical tips on the art of sharing will help you deepen your relationships.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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You shadow (the parts of you that you hide) is always bigger than you are. This shadow points to your next growth, inviting you to own your shit and be bigger.
If you run away, deny or dissociate from it - the shadow will just get bigger. The best way to work with your shadow is to face it and lean into it - resulting in your true light shining brighter than every. Come see this concept in a simple and powerful way.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
Check out the video of this episode to see the visual effects of the shadow:
https://youtu.be/gbqoZLnprNs
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Do you keep expecting your loved ones to do or say things and they keep disappointing you?
That is probably because you are at the earlier stages of the wanting spiral: Wanting, Expecting, Demanding, Asking, Wishing, Baring. Come hear how to move upward in the wanting spiral in order to feel more understood, loved and differentiated. Examples are given from the clinic and my life about the different phases of the spiral and its consequences. Practical tips will send you up the spiral in no time!
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all want to protect ourselves and our relationships, so we tend to keep things vague by over-verbalizing (and not conveying a clear stand) or not communicating at all. This leads to mind reading, reactive, symbiotic dynamic that is a huge WASTE TO TIME AND ENERGY. The solution? TALK IN NUMBERS.
This talk explores why people purposely keep their opinions and feelings vague in their intimate relationships and how communicating in numbers can help. Examples from the clinic and my life are given and practical examples will help you increase the honesty and intensity of your relationships.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Do you or your loved ones tend to be Surprised, Insulted or Disappointed when you two encounter heat, tension, constructive feedback or conflict?
If so, then you are experiencing The Holy Trinity of Blocking: Surprise, Insult and Disappointment.
In this talk I describe why people choose these reactions, what they gain and lose from these behaviors and how this trinity can be avoided. Examples from the clinic and my life are described throughout. Practical tips are given that will help you escape the trinity to a new era of differentiated love!
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all love the G.S.D. (Get Sh!t Done) people at work. You might even be that person. And yet many times we are not the G.S.D. person and resist telling our partners "I got it.". Why?
In this talk I'll describe the different reasons we resist managing projects or aspects of our personal relationships and the prices we pay for it. Examples are given from my life and the clinic. As usual, practical tips are given on how to be more often the G.S.D. person in your relationships.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We all believe secretly that we are superior to our partners in certain areas (EITHOR 3 - the 95/70 dichotomy). This results from our insecurities and the necessities of building a stable system of distribution of power. Instead of feeling ashamed or hiding it, you should practice ownursh!t and say it to yourself and to your loved ones.
In this talk I'll explain how I discovered this EITHOR 3, how it manifests in real relationships (my marriage and in the clinic) and end with practical tips how you can turn this unavoidable sh!t into compost!
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Having a secret language has many benefits, mainly increasing intimacy and minimizing misunderstandings. It activates your 'upstairs' brains and reduces trauma mind. In this talk I will explore why you should start developing secret code words with the people you love. I will share examples from my life, the clinic and the theater world. Practical tips are given on how to build such a language in your life.
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all SHOULD be doing more in our life and certainly with our loved ones.
But what prices do we pay when we believe or say that we SHOULD?
This talk explores the individual and relational consequences we all face when we use (or don't use) SHOULD.
Practical tips are given how to go beyond the SHOULD to WANT/WONT. Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Do you find yourself or your loved ones 'not understanding' something emotional or relational? There is a big relational price for not knowing.
This talk explains why 'I don't understand' is sometimes a very effective defense mechanism, yet actually creates distance in your relationships in the long run. Examples from the clinic and life show what happens when you don't know. Practical tips are given on how to dare to understand your intimate relationships.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Every day we hurt, ignore or just disappoint the ones we love for different reasons: we're too tired, too angry, not paying attention, focused on ourselves and more.
Over time, these ruptures create a negative sentiment override where we tend to interpret our partner's behavior in a negative way.
This talk details a simple technique that can help you overcome these unavoidable ruptures and maintain a happy, healthy relationship.
Examples are given from the clinic and real life.
Practical tips are given for you to give your love a second chance!
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We truly want our partners and loved ones to succeed in life. But many times we subconsciously belittle them to actually feel better about ourselves, because we might have a core belief of "Either You or Me/Strong or Weak" (what I call EITHOR 1).
This talk explains why we do it and includes examples of how such depreciating manifests in the clinic and life. Practical tips are given on how to allow yourself to really celebrate your loved ones. Recorded live on FB.
Come see more Potential State videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Join us for a candid conversation with author, therapist and teacher David Lester about his new book Jewish Marriage: The Ceremony, The First Year, and the Journey That Follows.
We talk about love, intimacy, the different stages of marriage and about the secret to living 'happily ever after'.
Recorded live on FB.
Follow David and his book at
https://www.facebook.com/Jewish-Marriage-2978196602222842
The book can be purchased at
https://www.amazon.com/Jewish-Marriage-Ceremony-Journey-Follows/dp/1946351644
Come see more Potential State videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
All the episodes of the Potential State Podcast can be found here:
http://PotentialState.buzzsprout.com
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Do you feel responsible for most of your partner's feelings? Do you feel like their pain is your responsibility or fault?
This talk might shock you when you see how these core beliefs limit your relationship and keep you feeling lonely and dependent.
Examples are given from the clinic and life and tips are given on how to be closer to your loved ones without feeling the burden of guilt. Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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How do we present ourselves to the world?
We usually have a preferred way to bring ourselves in the world: either high status/one up, or low status/one down.
Come hear more about these concepts and how these two positions shape your relationships and your life.
Examples from the clinic and life illustrate this issue .
Practical tips are given on how to master the see-saw in your personal and professional life. Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Good relationships (sometimes) have a good balance of give and take, co-creation and ALSO collaboration. By adding ALSO (and SOMETIMES) we actually improve the collaborative potential for synergy, thereby inserting some vitality and excitement to our everyday conversations.
Examples are given from the clinic and life and practical tips how you can use also and sometimes to open your mind and your relationships. recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We don't like talking about money in our intimate relationships.
BUT MONEY IS POWER AND IS ALWAYS PRESENT IN OUR LIFE.
Come hear how money imbalance (together with the Gender factor when relevant) affects every intimate relationship and what you can do to become more aware and leverage it to personal and relational growth.
Examples are given from the clinic and practical tips are shared on how to embrace the money issue in our relationships.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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We don't want to be rude and share what is going on inside our mind and heart every minute.
But such 'live broadcasting' actually helps you regulate your feelings and adds a lot of depth to your life.
Come hear the rationale and several professional and personal examples.
Tips are given in the end how to NAME your feelings successfully for a richer life!
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Most of us dont like saying NO (to others or to ourselves) because it can result in hurt feelings, anger, loss or frustration.
Yet that avoiding NO makes us feel helpless, flooded and disrespected.
Instead we should start bring back the Yes to the NO. By giving a Positive No (Ury) we gain more time, respect and happiness.
Examples are given from the clinic and my life. Tips are given how to say more No to others, in order to say more Yes to Yourself. Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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How do people learn and integrate what they learn?
What are the processes that aid in that process?
How can we help ourselves and our loved ones integrate, understand and use what we learn?
Come listen to my conversation with the anthropologist Dr. Marcy Brink-Danan on this topic. Examples and practical tips are given as usual.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all want to live forever so we hold on (hoard) to things and people so we can keep existing. But holding on negates the very essence of nature and our humanity.
Come hear why you should let go of things and people that are not serving you or making you happy. Examples from the clinic as well as my personal life are described.
As usual, practical tips are given. Come and release yourself!
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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You are invited to celebrate with me my birthday and learn about the concept that has changed my life: Differentiation - My ability to be myself and close to others. Throughout this talk, I share my personal and professional journey with this paradigm.
Come hear more about the theory, listen to examples and get some practical tips how to be more you and closer to others in your life while maintaining your sense of self. Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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THIS EPISODE DOES NOT ENDORSE OR ENCOURAGE OR NORMALIZE ANY FORM OF VIOLENCE OR ABUSE OF ANY KIND
You always hurt the one you love.
We want to only be altruistic and benevolent. But we aren't.
We either repress our anger and let it out as passive aggressive or act it out as violence and abuse.
Come hear why denying/suppressing your aggression leaves you frustrated and dis-empowered. Come learn how you should express your aggression toward your loved ones (NOT acting out through violence or abuse). As always, Examples and tips are given. Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
THIS EPISODE DOES NOT ENDORSE OR ENCOURAGE OR NORMALIZE ANY FORM OF VIOLENCE OR ABUSE OF ANY KIND
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In this first installment of the Crucible series, I explore how to communicate authentically.
We will understand why and how people use self-presentation to protect themselves and the impact it has on the relationship and your sense of self.
Come learn how to recognize self- presentation of yourselves or others and 'leap to freedom' toward authentic self-disclosures by 'broadcasting live'. Examples will be given from the clinic, lectures and personal life.
As always, practical tips are given on how to increase your authentic communication and deepen your relationships. Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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Life is short. Relationships are important. We don't have enough time for small talk.
But without 'meaningless' conversations, our relationships become serious, heavy, somewhat burdening endeavors.
Come hear why wasting time with 'meaningless' conversations is actually a reservoir of happiness and play in your relationships.
Examples will be given as well as practical tips on how to waste time together.
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all know that improvisation can help people grow and heal.
But how does improvisation actually help us grow ourselves and our relationships? What are the micro and macro processes that happen when we improvise with another person?
In this talk, which is translated to German along the episode, I explain the psycho-therapeutic theory behind the healing power of improvisation, in therapy and in life.
The talk is filled with theoretical concepts together with real examples from life and the therapy room. I also answer some Q&A from the audience of improvisers and therapists.
Recorded live in the Improv and Therapy Symposium in Berlin, Germany on 22.3.19.
Come see all our videos videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
To find out more about the symposium and Die Gorillas company who produced it check out:
https://www.die-gorillas.de/symposium-improv-therapy-en.html
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We want to live forever.
We hate saying goodbye to people and things.
We want to have all our options open all the time.
That can make us weak or apathetic or bored.
Come listen why we should all purposely, consciously part with more people and things with gratitude in our lives - in order to feel good. Examples are given from the clinic, workshops and my personal life.
Practical tips will be given how to find the Good in Goodbye. Recorded Live on FB.
Come see all our videos videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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In this episode I explain gains and losses from being up on the balcony, looking down at life, as well as being down on the dance floor.
I show how the vitality of life is waiting for us on the dance floor and why you should try to follow the fear and head down there.
I give examples from the clinic and my life to show you the benefits and costs of daring to be on the dance floor. Bring your dancing shoes and come listen!
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Most of us don't want to admit we don't know things.
But admitting openly that 'I don't know' liberates us into life-long learning as well as equalizes the power dynamics in our relationships and allows us to reclaim our authenticity.
This episode includes different examples from the clinic, workshops, performances and personal relationships that show how honest not knowing actually benefits your life in many ways. As always, practical tips are given on how to lean into not knowing for a more vital life. Recorded live on FB.
Includes quote from the book Language and the pursuit of happiness by Chalmers Brothers.
Come see all our videos videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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We all want to really feel loved. We usually present our best selves to the world.
These two wants sometimes lead to us often feeling that people who say nice things to us or love us, don't really mean it or don't really know us (because if they knew who we REALLY are, they wouldn't love us).
The solution: LET THEM SEE YOUR SHADOW!
Come listen to my claim that this is the way forward in relationships.
The episode includes examples from the clinic and real life and concludes with practical tips how to show more shadow and feel more loved.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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https://twitter.com/assael
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In this talk I compare the concepts of empathy and sympathy in relation to compassion and show many examples where we over-sympathize in a way that actually doesn't help the other. Examples are given from different contexts about different ways of 'doing' compassion. The talk concludes with practical tips how you can love and empower others in a deep way.
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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In this episode I talk about how to not let our fears from our own prejudices and stereotypes blind us into not interacting or seeing.
I share several examples on how my determination to 'radically accept' everyone and everything actually blinded me from seeing certain truths.
The episode concludes with some tips how to practice ownursh!t and be respectful of others WHILE maintaining your personal integrity.
Recorded live on FB.
Come see all our videos videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
Come hear all our talks on the Potential State podcast iTunes - https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-potential-state-podcast/id1449502094?mt=2
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In this talk, I explain the merits of self-talk for your mind, your soul, your life, for your loved ones and the world. The video details five benefits of talking to your self and includes examples.
Practical tips are given to ease your way into effective self-talk.
Recorded live on FB.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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In this episode I'll explain why being nice can slowly kill relationships and create boredom in your life. I'll detail the benefits of 'saying the thing' and 'following the fear' and how that can lead to deeper, more vital relationships.
The episode concludes with some practical tips on how to introduce more honesty to your relationships in a generative way. recorded live on FB.
Come hear all our talks on the Potential State podcast iTunes - https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-potential-state-podcast/id1449502094?mt=2
Come see all our videos videos on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
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Being in a committed, long-term relationship is like a marathon. You need to allow yourself to feel the whole range of feelings, from Love to Hate. Once you allow yourself to truly hate your partner, your heart can open to truly loving your partner. Then you almost always will hit the 'wall', as I did in the 32nd kilometer, and that is the point where the relationship is at it's lowest and you must persevere... And how does it end?
This episode concludes with some questions and suggestions on how to run the marathon of relationships.
Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
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In this episode we explore why choosing to be insulted is the ultimate block in relationships. How does it ironically maintain our sense of superiority while de-valuating the other?
We will see some examples from the clinic and life. Tips are given on how can you choose otherwise for the sake of your relationships.
Recorded live on Facebook.
see the videos on our YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw?view_as=subscriber
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Can the apple fall far from the tree?
Which behaviors and values did we inherit from our parents and what can we do about it?
In this talk I will explain several theories of inter-generational transmission of scripts so you can better understand how you are operating. Examples are given from the clinic and my life. Practical tips will help you find ways in which you expand your repertoire in your personal and professional life.
Recorded live on Facebook.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
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In this episode I introduce a fresh approach to (systematic) female empowerment, which focuses not only on your strengths but also your shadow/faults, in order to generate a second-order change in your environment.
The episode includes examples from my work with women in psychotherapy, improvisation and educational settings.
The episode concludes with some tips on how to empower yourself and your loved ones.
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Why do we insist on being perfect and having all the data before we can say or do something? How does that block us from creating collaborative, creative encounters?
In this episode I explore the connection between blocking and perfectionism, with examples from the world of supervision and psychotherapy.
The episode includes practical tips how you can release yourself from the perfectionism trap and create more vital, collaborative interactions.
Recorded live on Facebook.
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In this episode, I describe and analyze about the tragic 'pursuer/distancer' dynamic in relationships, when one partner is constantly pursuing the other for more intimacy, connection or sex. The more s/he pursues, the more the partner creates distance.
I show why and how people create and maintain such dynamics.
The episode ends with practical tips on how to liberate yourself and your loved ones from this tragic 'dance'.
Recorded live on Facebook.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
In this episode I explain why simple, clear, one-dimensional communication can aid in personal and relational growth. By communicating clearly, I solidify my own character and sense of self, as well as helping the other understand where I stand so s/he can solidify their own position. This process creates deep, authentic connections.
The episode also include some practical tips on how to clarify your communication in order to deepen your personal and professional relationships.
Recorded live on Facebook.
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
In this talk I'll share concepts from the world of psychotherapy and theater improvisation that relate to building intimate encounters, from a place of self-exposure and self-validated intimacy.
The episode includes practical tips that will help you build more authentic, long lasting intimate personal and professional relationships.
Recorded Live on Facebook.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
In this episode I'll describe the characteristics of systems (personal and professionals). Then I'll explain how change can be manifested within such systems . I'll give some examples from the clinic, organizations and personal examples. The episode concludes with some practical instructions how to lead long-lasting change you want in your life with the people around you.
Recorded Live on Facebook.
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Do you find yourself acting in and attracting to your life victims, persecutors and/or saviors?
In this talk we will learn about the Victim Triangle, how it is formed and how does it attract to your life people with similar tendencies in relationships.
We will explore examples from the worlds of psychotherapy, organizational consultations and even the army.
The talk ends with practical tips on how to recognize and step away from the victim triangles.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
In this episode I describe the concept of Emotional Bids as developed by John Gottman. I compare it with the concept of bidding in theater improvisation and give examples how understanding these concepts can improve your relationships.
Practical tips are described in the end for immediate application.
Recorded live on Facebook.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
What is the Potential State?
How does it serve in children's development?
Why is it crucial to preserve for kids?
Why is it crucial for adults?
How do you create and maintain potential states in your life?
In this talk, we expand the topic discussed in the previous episode with many examples from the clinic, workshops and my life.
Recorded live on Facebook.
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Why are we afraid of Anger?
In this episode we will explore why anger is an important feeling/energy to harness.
We will explore a new thinking about aggression and how sometimes "Saying no to someone else is actually saying yes to myself". I share examples from the clinic and workshop of people who are limiting themselves because they are not allowing themselves to be angry.
I read in Alex Wiessman's feed: "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention", so come, lets get angry together!
Recorded live on Facebook.
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
People often ask me “why did you call your institute Potential State?”
In this talk I describe the concept of potential state and why it is so important for children and adults to be able to create and maintain potential state in their lives in order to play, grow, feel, create and love.
Examples are given from the clinic and my life.
Practical tips will help you create and deepen potential state in your life today!
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Most of us believe that we are special and unique.
What happens when this part of ourselves becomes a core belief?
In this talk I expalin the costs of being Superman/Superwoman, through examples from the clinic. I share practical tips how to help yourself let go of your "superhero" perception in order to enjoy more authentic relationships.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)
Why do we refuse sometimes to see what is actually happening in our relationships?
What is risk and gain of daring to 'open our eyes' and see the reality of our relationships?
In this talk I expalin why we keep ourselves blind and how to over come it.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael
Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q5AG6K7L8GYKA&source=url)