So...I think by now our listener knows that I was in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist...and a few episodes ago Trinity also had a realization that, perhaps, you had (unknowingly) been in a relationship with a narcissist when our guest shared with us some characteristics of narcissistic behavior and these descriptions resonated in that moment and shined a light on what she had been previously unable to see. Our goal in our conversation with Annette is to do the same for you. Being in a toxic relationship can rob a woman of her identity when she finds herself always accommodating the manipulative and abusive behavior of her significant other. The difficult thing is that this behavior can sometimes be sooo pervasive, it's difficult to see.

Being able to put names to behaviors, as our guest, Annette Oltmans, does really can be helpful for our listener out there who is questioning her relationship...and maybe her own sanity...The labels and definitions help to expose the patterns of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence.

Our guest Annette is also a victim of covert emotional abuse herself and the Founder and CEO of The M3ND Project, which is a non-profit organization aimed at educating victims, survivors, helpers, and first responders on hidden emotional abuse, domestic violence, and double abuse.

She has conducted years of research - interviewed hundreds of victims, therapists, and faith-based leaders. The results of her research were used in creating the M3ND Project's Responding to Abuse curriculum. She has sooo many valuable resources on the MEND Project's site...so check it out ladies.

And to our listener out there who is starting to have this slow realization that, oh shit, this is MY relationship...know you're not alone. Look and listen for the signs and patterns Annette shared that are summarized below. Get help and get out.

1. Not all abusers are narcissists, but all narcissists are abusers

2. Narcissists will often use multiple behaviors at once to "attack" or put down their victims. Recognizable behaviors include (but are not limited to)

   1. Blame shifting: In blaming, issues are always one-sided or reversed with the problem being laid at the victim’s feet.
   2. Joking: “That was just a joke” can be the first sign of an abusive relationship.
   3. Minimizing: Abusive belittling of the victim’s perspective. The intention is to make what the victim values unimportant, and therefore, kill confidence, creativity
   4. Countering: Doing the opposite of what the victim requests
   5. Deflection: When a concern is raised by the victim and the narcissist changes the topic to avoid responsibility

   6. The pillars of abuse are the "ingredients" for narcissism

   7. A faulty belief system: Deeply rooted belief that you're required to submit to their lead

   8. Image Management: A strong awareness of how others perceive them
   9. Hierarchical or Preferential Treatment: When societal/social norms or the individual's status in the community or relationship prevent them from experiencing the consequences of their behavior
   10. Entitlement: They feel they are entitled, regardless of merit, that they deserve preferential treatment
   11. Another term for co-dependency is "Self-love deficit disorder" the victim must seek out support through a trained therapist
   12. Double abuse is when the victim finally finds the courage to speak out against her abuser and then is condemned, criticized, and ignored by her surrounding community, which create additional abuse/harm to the victim
   13. The marriage recovery center is one of the true trusted resources trained to help couples resolve these situation

If this content and messaging is resonating with you, please leave us a review and share the episode with someone you know might benefit from hearing the same message.

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Calling all parents of teens! Trinity and I would love to share with you an event that we are participating in called the Mid-Semester Refresh. I mean, seriously...moms of teens live crazy busy lives. But, this pod is all about finding ways to help YOU be your best self and momentum is created from one small action.

You may be thinking, “I don’t have time for any more action!” And, I totally get it. But, rethink! With one click, you have the opportunity to improve your relationship with your teen. School no longer
has to be a major stressor in your family. Click HERE now to learn how.

You know we got your back and are here to help you live a better life. We’ve joined forces with Jessyka Coulter, study skills tutor, to speak at her free event, The Mid-Semester Refresh. From Oct 24th to the 30th, you’ll have the chance to learn why your teen does the things they do. (Some of it really is explainable lol!)

Visit this LINK to sign up to watch 20+ great interviews, receive free gifts, and maybe even win a prize. The motivation is a better life, a strong end to the semester with your teen. As a busy mom of 2 teen girls who is on the struggle bus on so many days...I'm going to make time to be there. What will you choose?