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Waiting for an apology is its own kind of prison, and they hold the key on purpose.
In this episode, we unpack what is actually happening inside you when you cling to an apology that may never come. Bianca opens with a client who cannot let himself heal because getting better feels like letting the people who harmed him off the hook. We get into the bulldozer and the house, why an apology can never rebuild what was demolished, and the difference between reconciliation and repair. Emilia breaks down the unconscious expectations we carry into rupture, why naming the impact feels like admitting the harm was okay, and how the nervous system is really reaching for safety, not words. We land on the hard truth: an apology is a nice to have, not a need to have, and your pain was already real without their acknowledgment.
The how to apologize guide mentioned in this episode, from Emilia and Alan on The Conscious Couples podcast:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KVsyimNpa2-XBOlWBY52mzp3VsD0ZQLP/view?usp=sharing
Here's a related episode that builds on today's conversation:
Learn more about:
🤝 Out of the Mud (OOTM) - "The Difference Between Avoidance and Self-Protection" - https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/IykObX8eR7ixJaQ-qqZogw#/registration
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Show notes:
(0:00) Intro
(1:29) The truth about wanting them to apologize
(2:29) What is happening inside you while you wait
(2:46) A client who cannot let himself heal
(4:24) The fear that getting better lets them off the hook
(5:44) The limiting belief underneath the waiting
(6:18) Unconscious expectations we bring into rupture
(7:22) Reconciliation versus repair
(8:45) Overestimating what other people are capable of
(9:27) Emilia invites you to Out of the Mud, our free live virtual event hosted the last Wednesday of every month.
(10:25) An apology does not undo the damage
(10:48) The bulldozer and the house
(11:29) Nice to have, not a need to have
(12:17) Why some people cannot apologize
(13:04) Why naming the impact is so hard
(14:15) Rebuilding is not accepting the harm
(16:21) Their apology does not make your pain real
(17:05) Bringing the locus of control back inward
(18:47) Outro
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(Stay tuned for this coming Thursday's episode!)