Parenting Doctors Podcast: Recent Episodes
Dr. Daniel van Ingen
In five minutes or less, get powerful strategies for effective parenting. Dr. van Ingen illustrates evidence-based parenting strategies through stories and clear-cut examples.
Episode 12: You Can’t Love Someone Into ChangingWhat happens when you love someone deeply, believe in their potential, and still find yourself facing the same dysfunctional patterns over and over again?
In Episode 12 of What We Were Never Taught, we explore one of the hardest challenges in relationships: how do you challenge dysfunction without abandoning the person you love, and how do you believe in change without becoming trapped by someone's potential?
We often fall in love with who someone could become rather than who they consistently are. We may understand their wounds, their history, their attachment style, and the reasons behind their behavior. But understanding someone doesn't mean we have to tolerate behavior that damages a relationship. There is a difference between accepting someone for who they are and accepting dysfunction as inevitable.
This becomes even more complicated in marriage. What happens when your spouse is defensive, resistant to change, or repeatedly engages in behaviors that hurt the relationship? How do you challenge your spouse while remaining committed to the long-term health of your marriage? How do you practice patience without slipping into self-abandonment? How do you establish boundaries without turning them into threats? And how do you refuse to tolerate dysfunction without allowing someone else's dysfunction to turn you into a dysfunctional version of yourself?
This episode explores attachment, accountability, forgiveness, boundaries, patience, commitment, and the difference between someone's capacity to change and their willingness to change. We talk about why loving someone cannot substitute for the work they have to choose for themselves, why change should be measured by movement rather than perfection, and why commitment doesn't mean abandoning yourself so that someone else doesn't have to grow.
Marriage isn't about finding someone who never struggles. It's about two imperfect people who are willing to grow, repair, take responsibility, forgive, and keep choosing the relationship. You can believe in someone's potential without ignoring their reality. You can forgive without enabling. You can challenge without attacking. You can be patient without becoming passive.
And sometimes the healthiest expression of love and commitment is being able to say, “I'm not going to abandon you. But I'm also not going to abandon myself.”
That's what we were never taught.
What We Were Never Taught — Episode 11: Compatibility Is Built, Not Found
We’ve been taught to believe that the right person will simply “fit.” That when we meet our soulmate, the relationship will feel natural, effortless, and easy.
But what happens when conflict emerges? When differences become more obvious? When we start thinking, Maybe we’re just not compatible.
In this episode of What We Were Never Taught, Dr. Dan challenges the myth that great relationships are simply found. While values, character, and life goals matter, many couples mistake differences and difficulty for incompatibility when the deeper problem may be a lack of relationship skills.
We explore how communication, emotional regulation, vulnerability, curiosity, compromise, and repair can help two people build compatibility over time.
But there is another psychological danger: the stories we create about each other.
A disappointment can become an interpretation. An interpretation can become a belief. And a belief, repeated often enough, can become a lens through which we see the entire relationship.
We begin responding to our perception rather than the person in front of us—and sometimes create the very division we feared.
So, are you truly incompatible?
Or have you simply never been taught how to navigate your differences?
Because great relationships aren't found.
They're built.
What We Were Never TaughtEpisode 10: The Relationship Killer Nobody Talks About: Emotional ImmaturityMost people believe relationships end because of cheating, betrayal, incompatibility, or because they simply "fell out of love."
While those experiences are deeply painful and can certainly end a relationship, they often point to a deeper issue that receives far less attention.
In this episode, Dr. Dan explores one of the greatest relationship killers that nobody talks about: emotional immaturity.
Drawing on over 25 years of experience as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Dan explains why love alone is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. Emotional maturity—not perfection—is what allows couples to navigate conflict, disappointment, vulnerability, and repair.
In this episode, you'll discover:
- Why conflict itself isn't the problem—it's how couples handle conflict that matters.
- How emotionally immature responses can quietly erode trust over time.
- Why every healthy relationship includes disappointment—and how emotionally mature couples grow through it.
- The surprising connection between vulnerability and true intimacy.
- Why repair is one of the most important skills every couple must learn.
- Practical clinical insights you can begin applying immediately in your own relationships.
Whether you're dating, engaged, married, divorced, or simply wanting healthier relationships, this episode will challenge you to look beyond blame and begin developing the emotional skills that create lasting connection.
Because healthy relationships aren't built by two perfect people.
They're built by two emotionally mature people who are committed to growing together.
What We Were Never Taught is a podcast that explores the emotional, psychological, and relational skills most of us were never taught—but desperately need to live healthier, more connected, and more meaningful lives.
Episode 9: Why Love Isn’t Enough — The Skills Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
Many people enter marriage believing that strong convictions will be enough to carry them through. A deep faith, a belief that marriage is forever, a commitment to never give up, and a willingness to fight for the relationship are powerful foundations—but beliefs alone are not enough.
Beliefs are one pillar of marriage. Love is another. But skills are what sustain.
In this episode, Dr. Dan explores the truth that many couples discover only after years of struggle: two people can deeply love each other, share the same values, and genuinely want their marriage to succeed—yet still lack the tools needed to communicate, repair, understand, and reconnect.
Drawing from over 25 years as a clinical psychologist and sports psychologist, Dr. Dan explains the essential relationship skills that allow love to move beyond a feeling and become a lifelong practice. Skills like emotional awareness, meaningful communication, conflict repair, empathy, vulnerability, and creating a shared vision for the future.
A lasting marriage is not built on love alone. It is built when beliefs provide the foundation, love provides the connection, and skills create the ability to thrive.
Because love may bring two people together—but the skills they develop determine whether that love continues to grow.
Go Get Your Moment. Build the Relationship. Create the Future You Both Want.
Episode 8: Do You Want to Be Right or Do You Want to Connect?
Understanding Narcissistic Patterns in Relationships
There comes a point in some relationships where conflict stops being about solving a problem and starts becoming a battle for emotional survival.
In this episode of What We Were Never Taught, we explore narcissistic patterns—not as labels to place on people, but as relationship dynamics that quietly erode trust, safety, and intimacy.
Why do some people become trapped in cycles of blame, defensiveness, and emotional disconnection? Why is it so difficult to acknowledge another person's experience without feeling threatened? And what happens when protecting our self-image becomes more important than protecting the relationship?
In this episode, you'll learn:
- How narcissistic patterns develop and why they persist
- The role of shame, emotional protection, and fragile self-worth
- Why some people struggle to take responsibility for the impact of their actions
- How common defense mechanisms keep couples stuck in repetitive conflict
- What emotional maturity looks like during difficult conversations
- The powerful question that can change the direction of any relationship: Do you want to be right, or do you want to connect?
Whether you've experienced these patterns in a romantic relationship, with family members, or in friendships, this episode will help you better understand the dynamics at play—and how emotional awareness, humility, and accountability create the foundation for lasting connection.
Because healthy relationships aren't built by winning arguments. They're built by choosing connection over self-protection.
Episode #7: The Relationship Blueprint / Relationship Story Arc
In this episode of What We Were Never Taught, we introduce the concept of the Relationship Blueprint—the unconscious emotional template that shapes how we experience love, conflict, and connection across our lifetime.
Most people assume relationship struggles come from either “this partner” or “childhood alone.” But the truth is more complex: we are shaped by a relationship story that unfolds over time, where each significant relationship becomes part of the evolving blueprint.
We begin by exploring why we often find ourselves repeating the same emotional patterns—different people, same dynamics. Whether it’s emotional disconnection, over-responsibility, difficulty with conflict, or shutting down under stress, these patterns are rarely random. They reflect what the nervous system has learned to expect.
From there, we break down the first layer of the blueprint: family of origin. Without realizing it, we absorb powerful emotional lessons about safety, conflict, emotional expression, trust, and worthiness. These early experiences form the “first draft” of how we believe relationships work.
We then expand into how adult relationships actively rewrite the blueprint. Long-term partnerships can reinforce early patterns—or challenge and reshape them entirely. A secure childhood can be reshaped by chronic relational stress. A difficult childhood can be softened through corrective emotional experiences. And often, patterns are simply reinforced over decades of repetition.
We also explore why we repeat familiar dynamics in adulthood. The nervous system prioritizes what is familiar over what is healthy, which helps explain why people may be drawn to emotionally unavailable partners or familiar conflict cycles—even when they consciously want something different.
Finally, we examine triggers as lifetime stories, not single moments. A present-day interaction can activate layers of meaning built from childhood, past relationships, and long-term emotional history, creating reactions that feel disproportionate to the current situation.
The episode closes with what it actually takes to rewrite the blueprint: not insight alone, but repeated corrective experiences, repair after conflict, and new relational responses practiced over time. Healing happens not through perfection—but through repair.
Ultimately, this episode highlights a central truth: you are not reacting to one moment—you are reacting through a lifetime of relational learning. And once you can see the pattern clearly, you gain the ability to change it.
Episode #6: The Conversation Most Couples Never Have
How to Talk About Hurt Without Creating More Hurt
Most couples don't avoid difficult conversations because they don't care. They avoid them because they don't know how to talk about hurt without escalating conflict, triggering defensiveness, or creating even more pain.
In this episode of What We Were Never Taught, Dr. Dan explores one of the most important—and least understood—skills in relationships: how to communicate hurt in a way that creates understanding rather than distance.
You'll learn:
• Why conversations about hurt so often go wrong
• How defensiveness silently damages connection
• The difference between blame and vulnerable communication
• Practical strategies for bringing up painful topics safely and effectively
• How couples can move from protection and reactivity toward connection and repair
Whether you're married, dating, divorced, co-parenting, or hoping to build healthier relationships in the future, this episode will give you practical tools to navigate difficult conversations with greater clarity, compassion, and confidence.
Because relationships rarely fail from a lack of love. More often, they struggle because we were never taught the emotional skills required to sustain connection.
Join Dr. Dan as he helps you build stronger relationships, stronger families, and a life marked by greater clarity, connection, and confidence.
Episode #5: You Think You’re Explaining Yourself—But You’re Actually Losing Them
In most relationships, disconnection doesn’t happen in big, dramatic moments—it happens in small conversations where defensiveness takes over before understanding can land.
In this episode of What We Were Never Taught, I explore why defensiveness is one of the most common and most damaging patterns in relationships, and how it quietly blocks emotional connection even when both people care deeply.
I introduce the “Impact First Method”—a simple but powerful communication shift: pause, reflect emotional impact first, and then respond. This small change interrupts the reflex to defend and creates space for real understanding instead of escalation.
We go beneath the surface of defensiveness to understand what is actually happening emotionally and neurologically in those moments—shame, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being wrong, and past relational injury—and why the nervous system often reacts before we even realize it.
This episode blends personal reflection, clinical insight, and real-life relationship patterns to help you not just understand defensiveness, but change what you do in the exact moment it shows up.
If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, or noticed conversations shifting from connection to conflict faster than you intended, this episode gives you a practical way to slow it down and stay emotionally connected when it matters most.
In this 4th episode of What We Were Never Taught, we explore one of the most recognizable patterns in relationships: why some people tend to cling when they feel disconnected, while others pull away when emotions become intense.
Drawing from attachment theory in a simple and accessible way, this episode breaks down how different attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant—shape the way people respond to closeness, conflict, and emotional stress in relationships.
Through clinical examples and real-world relationship patterns, we explore how these dynamics are not personality flaws, but learned strategies for managing emotional safety and connection. Many couples find themselves caught in a pursue–withdraw cycle, where one partner seeks reassurance while the other seeks space—both trying, in their own way, to feel safe.
The episode emphasizes a key message: attachment styles are not fixed identities or life sentences. They are learned patterns of relating that can be understood, worked with, and changed over time through greater emotional awareness and communication skills.
This conversation continues the core mission of the podcast—helping people understand the emotional skills they were never taught, so they can build stronger, healthier, and more connected relationships.
This is my Episode #3 of my new relationship show podcast. Why Emotionally Unavailable People Attract Each Other: The emotional skills we were never taught about intimacy
Emotionally unavailable people often attract each other because the relationship feels familiar, safe, and validating of their existing beliefs about intimacy.
- Familiarity feels like chemistry
- Neither person has to face deep vulnerability
- They reinforce each other's core beliefs
- The pursuit creates intensity
- Available partners can initially feel boring
Intimacy requires the following five emotional skills:
- Emotional Awareness
"How to identify and express emotions"
- Vulnerability
"How to be vulnerable without feeling weak"
- Direct Communication of Needs
"How to ask for what you need"
- Staying Connected During Conflict
"How to stay present when emotions rise"
- Repair
"How to come back together after hurt"
In this episode of What We Were Never Taught, we explore one of the most painful dynamics in relationships: what it really means when people feel like they are no longer being heard.
Most people assume the problem is that someone has stopped listening. But in reality, listening often breaks down slowly over time due to emotional overload, repeated misunderstandings, defensiveness, and disconnection.
In this episode, we break down why this happens, how communication cycles escalate between people, and why shutting down is often a protective response rather than a lack of care. We also explore what actually helps restore connection, including slowing conversations down, improving emotional awareness, and learning how repair rebuilds trust.
This is a conversation about communication, emotional safety, and the hidden patterns that shape how we relate to each other in families and relationships.
Relationships #CommunicationSkills #RelationshipPodcast #EmotionalConnection #Marriage #Family #Parenting #ConflictResolution #EmotionalIntelligence #HealthyRelationships #Healing #Resilience #AttachmentTheory #PersonalGrowth
After spending more than a decade focused on parenting and families, I’m beginning a new conversation about relationships, emotional connection, communication, and resilience. In this first episode, I share parts of my own journey through divorce, shame, growth, and the realization that many couples are never truly taught the emotional and communication skills needed to navigate difficult seasons well. I reflect on the pain relationships can bring, the impact on families and children, and the hope that relationships can often be strengthened when people learn how to reconnect, listen, repair, and communicate differently. This podcast is about honest conversations, emotional growth, healthier communication, and helping people build stronger relationships before disconnection turns into hopelessness.
This is my first parenting podcast in 5 years. I am returning to encourage a new generation of parents. I will be drawing from my books.
My first Parenting Podcast in 5 years. I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. and put together my first parenting podcast in a long time. My greatest gift, my calling, and my purpose is ENCOURAGEMENT. I came back to this parenting podcast because I want to reach a new generation of parents and give encouragement. If you listened to me 10-15 years ago, please pass along my podcast to the new generation of parents. Uniquely, many podcasts are relevant today like the podcast “No Phone at Dinner” delivered on 7/27/18.
For the new generation of parents, here are a few resources: (1) “You Are Your Childs Best Psychologist: 7 Keys to Excellence in Parenting.” (2) “40-Day Devotional for Parents: A Parenting Doctor’s Call to Fill Your Children’s Lamp with Oil through Prayer and Action.”
Today’s Podcast: The Power of Connecting & the Power of Storytelling.
I had the joy of interviewing Addison Ruscoe, Voice of the Riverview Rams. If you like the art and science of sports broadcasting, this podcast is definitely for you. If you love sports or the character of sports, this is a good one. Great life lessons, and the value of discovering purpose is at the heart of today's podcast. We also discussed Ram Football for 15 minutes toward the end of today's show.
My Daughter is Playing in the Regional Championship Varsity Football State Playoff Game Tomorrow Night. Why Not? A coach who had a huge impact on my life is a man named Von Shepherd. He touched me in many ways at a window of time when I needed him most. He taught me several quotes and lines and phrases. He had a simple two-word question that I remembered today being out on the field at Riverview High School today at the annual Thanksgiving practice. Von would say to me "Why Not?" Raising our belief, taking the time to dream, and being inspired by those around us. And when our kid inspires, it's a whole different story. Let this podcast be a reminder that a beautiful piece of art doesn't need a description. Inspiration works the same way. We need to be open to awe. Happy Thanksgiving! Dr. Dan
Dr. Dan is a clinical & sports psychologist, author, and a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years]. He has worked with olympic training athletes, cross fit National Champions, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his work at Amazon with his latest books!
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
Listen to some of the minutes toward the end of my interview with Meghan Buchanon, a true overcomer who we all can be inspired by. A few of these minutes can apply to the Everests that we all face.
A few of these minutes were taken from my interview with Meghan Buchanan, an Aerospace Engineer, Adventure Athlete and Motivational Speaker. She has set her sights on becoming the 1st Rocket Scientist to climb the 7 Summits, 5th US WOMAN to complete the EXPLORERS GRAND SLAM (climbing the world’s 7 Summits and last degree ski to the North and South Poles), and eventually 1st US WOMAN to complete the Adventurers Grand Slam (unsupported Poles). She has taken on impossible and defying odds to inspire all of us. Her story is incredible including a broken femur with two years of excruciating pain and physical therapy to pulling off the impossible as a mountaineer. She is the "Rocket Girl" - Breaking Boundaries for Women in Engineering and Mountaineering. She has overcome stereotypes, obstacles, and life-threatening injuries by applying her tools of GGRIT.
Gratitude – Growth – Resilience – Integrity – Tenacity
Our interview wasn't long enough. You will be inspired, amazed, and come out of this wanting to hear more. Lessons from a Rocket Scientist who Climbed Mount Everest and so much more.
Let me just say, it was just a blessing for me to have such a great conversation with a person of inspiration. Thank you Meghan!
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who works as an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years], and one who is passionate about Sports Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, cross fit National Champions, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his anxiety and parenting work at Amazon with his latest books!
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
Today's interview is with Meghan Buchanan, an Aerospace Engineer, Adventure Athlete and Motivational Speaker. She has set her sights on becoming the 1st Rocket Scientist to climb the 7 Summits, 5th US WOMAN to complete the EXPLORERS GRAND SLAM (climbing the world’s 7 Summits and last degree ski to the North and South Poles), and eventually 1st US WOMAN to complete the Adventurers Grand Slam (unsupported Poles). She has taken on impossible and defying odds to inspire all of us. Her story is incredible including a broken femur with two years of excruciating pain and physical therapy to pulling off the impossible as a mountaineer. She is the "Rocket Girl" - Breaking Boundaries for Women in Engineering and Mountaineering. She has overcome stereotypes, obstacles, and life-threatening injuries by applying her tools of GGRIT.
Gratitude – Growth – Resilience – Integrity – Tenacity
Our interview wasn't long enough. You will be inspired, amazed, and come out of this wanting to hear more. Lessons from a Rocket Scientist who Climbed Mount Everest and so much more.
Let me just say, it was just a blessing for me to have such a great conversation with a person of inspiration. Thank you Meghan!
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who works as an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years], and one who is passionate about Sports Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, cross fit National Champions, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his anxiety and parenting work at Amazon with his latest books!
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
Dr. Dan presents his recent show on the Dr. van Ingen Clinical Psychology and Parenting Show with a feature on his upcoming webinar on the Top Ten Best-Ever Anxiety Treatment Techniques. He references a book by Donald Miller who identifies four characters in each of our life story: victim, villain, Hero, & Guide. There are some good and rich ideas that can be discussed with families on when these characters emerge in our lives.
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who works as an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years], and one who is passionate about Sports Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, cross fit National Champions, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his anxiety and parenting work at Amazon with his latest books on parenting.
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
This podcast helps provide a recipe for emotional disaster. This insight also helps give us clarity on what we can do to not get stressed out with upcoming performances.
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who works as an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years], and one who is passionate about Sport Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, cross fit National Champions, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his anxiety and parenting work at Amazon with his latest books on parenting.
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
We interviewed Ariel Faulkner on the Dr. van Ingen Clinical Psychology & Parenting Show. Today's theme was on female athletes. If you parent a daughter who is an athlete, this is the podcast for you. Ariel is a nationally renown expert and she provides specific information to help with the nutrition of your female basketball players, track athletes, soccer players, cross country runners, softball players and any other female adolescent athletes.
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who works as an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years], and one who is passionate about Sport Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, cross fit National Champions, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his anxiety and parenting work at Amazon with his latest books on parenting.
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
Do Teens get angry or have anger flair ups around a lot of stuff? Yes. Do they especially around the phone? Of course!
This week's podcast offers some key anger management techniques that would be helpful to consider.
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who works as an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years], and one who is passionate about Sport Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, cross fit National Champions, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his anxiety and parenting work at Amazon with his latest books on parenting.
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
Today's Parenting Podcast is on the Time Technique. First, he discusses the happiness trap. Then, Dr. Dan discusses how our relationship with time is related to our degree of happiness. He breaks down the fact that our tendency to process information looks differently when we are talking about the past, present, or future.
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who works as an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a national speaker on anxiety and neuroscience [for 10 years], and one who is passionate about Sport Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers, tennis players, D1 football players, soccer athletes, gymnasts and lots of youth athletes in all kinds of sports. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his anxiety and parenting work at Amazon with his latest books on parenting.
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
"Never Give Up" are three wonderful words that need to get lived out by parents for their kids. Let's live it, not just say it.
Dr. Dan shared some stories about the people around him who have inspired him to never give up. Be inspired! Grow! Change! Evolve! And let the "Never Give Up" attitude be internalized in your thinking!
This is a lesson on happiness for all families.
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who is an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a National speaker on neuroscience, and one who is passionate about Sport Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers and tennis players and lots of youth athletes. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces Value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his parenting work at Amazon with his latest books on parenting.
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
Do you have a high school student thinking about college? If you are planning for college, this is the premier interview. This interview itself offers a ton of value to your thinking and conceptualization of key issues for parents preparing for college.
Check out the PARENTS' STARTER KIT TO TEEN SELF- DISCOVERY, Includes "The Top 5 Early Actions That Lead to College Success"
Click here College Flight Plan Guide
More information, go to College Flight Plan
Dr. Dan is a clinical psychologist who is an anxiety specialist, a parenting author, a National speaker on neuroscience, and one who is passionate about Sport Psychology. He has worked with olympic training athletes, world champion power lifters, professional baseball players, college swimmers and tennis players and lots of youth athletes. Dr Dan has combined his unique interests in parenting, overcoming fears, excellence in sports and preventing burnout and produces Value for every parent and for every individual who want to face their fears head on. See his parenting work at Amazon with his latest books on parenting.
For more information on his sky diving therapy group or therapy for anxiety, see his practice website at www.danvaningen.com
Some people hold onto grudges for years. They allow bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness to keep them trapped. This podcast goes into the unresolved emotional pain and a thorough breakdown of how hurt people hurt people. An additional layer unpacked in this podcast is the reality that not only do hurt people hurt people, but hurt people control people.
Included is a five-point plan to helping your teenagers deal with grudges and bitterness held against them.
See Dr. Dan's books at Amazon. Dr. Dan is a clinical and sport psychologist who specializes in anxiety disorders, sports psychology, and psychological burnout. He has worked with olympic swimming standouts, professional baseball players, division 1 tennis players, Crossfit National Champions and World Champion Powerlifters. He has started a skydiving therapy group and has a unique role in helping professionals with psychological burnout (physicians, EMT's, nurse practitioners). HIs unique combination of work with anxiety, athletes, and professionals coping with burnout has led to an inspiring effort to inspire people toward change and fearlessness.
https://www.amazon.com/Books-Daniel-J-van-Ingen/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3ADaniel+J.+van+Ingen
Some people are very difficult to work with. Naturally, we try to move our children around these people. This is impossible. It is better to equip ourselves and our teenagers with the ability to work with difficult people.
See Dr. Dan's series of books available at Amazon.
https://www.amazon.com/Daniel-J.-van-Ingen-PsyD/e/B00LERCTP2%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share
Living a fearless life involves going after fears in your life. In this podcast, Dr. van Ingen discusses phobic fears (i.e. dogs and enclosed spaces), nasty fears and the fear-control sequence (i.e. acting out of that fear with pay back, grudges, bitterness and resentment), and cognitive fears (i.e. irrational thoughts). Pursuing a defining moment is also discussed including a 4-R Approach.
For more information on Dr. Dan's work in anxiety, see his book Anxiety Disorders Made Simple., available on kindle and paperback. Also, for those who want an in-depth study on neuroscience and anxiety, see his program available on video and DVD format (and audio).
Here is a family dinner conversation. Parents should routinely talk to their children about what is worthy of crying and what is not worthy of crying.
If you scrape your leg, is that worthy of crying? Yes.
If you are told that you can't have candy, is that worthy of crying? No.
Let's establish that there are sometimes when we don't validate feelings.
"Gaslighting" is the latest term in pop culture psychology. I've actually heard the term for 40 people (yes, I took a tally) over the last 3 weeks. Is this going on in your parenting or is this yet another psychological concept that is being overly used like everything else.
Dr. Dan van Ingen is a clinical and sport psychologist in Sarasota, FL. He is an author, national speaker, anxiety specialist and parenting doctor. He started a sky diving therapy and resilience group for those who want to apply radical change to fears and anxiety. He's been featured on ABC and is author of You Are Your Child's Best Psychologist.
People Change
Dr. van Ingen presents changes in his own life and in the lives of others showing clear evidence of people changing. "I constantly hear it. People believe that people don't change."
1) People change.
2) We all have to change.
3) Self affirmation is the answer to outward affirmation when it comes to change.
4) Long-lasting change requires intrinsic motivation, it can't be for external reasons.
This week’s parenting podcast is on “Do People Change? A Closer Look at marriages, relationships, and difficult behaviors like interpersonal avoidance, narcissism, and anger.”
This podcast will stir you toward optimism, belief, and a new vision on change. Get inspired toward the reality that people change and you can change!
Does Dad Change? Do People Change?
The answer is YES, ABSOLUTELY!
Parents changing is one of the best gifts we can give our children.
Tonight, I have my first Sky Diving Therapy & Resilience Group session. Five guys will join me as we jump off the plane.
What will you leave behind as you jump? I experienced significant psychological burnout that culminated over years of a lack of self-care. Zero self-care led to zero empathy. But life is about change. You either repeat or you change. You either repeat or you evolve. It's time for us all to CHANGE!
Do Dads Change? Yes! How can a parent reverse course? First and foremost, believe that you can!
How do you build up your son or daughter while addressing negative behaviors? Reversing course if you have poured negative into your son’s LOVE CUP.
https://www.amazon.com/You-Your-Childs-Best-Psychologist/dp/1935576062
Self Talk Matters
In this podcast, we explore the importance of helping our children think through their self talk. Don't miss out on this cutting edge of information.
You are indeed your child's best psychologist! Check out the parenting book consistently endorsed highly.
Today's interview with Parenting Doctor, Clinical psychologist, and expert on eating disorders, Dr. Patricia Price, was dynamic. We focused on a much needed topic of teaching our kids about having a good body image. How does it work? What do we emphasize? How we communicate this sensitive topic with a pediatrician?
See Dr. Price's book at Amazon https://www.amazon.com/More-Screen-Time-Patti-Price/dp/1504918606
See Dr. Dan's book at Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20#customerReviews
Our kids need critical thinking, problem solving, sound perspective, and healthy attachment. We provide perspective and clear thinking. We also have to grow up as parents and eliminate some of the anxious fears, manipulation, and other emotional bombs that accompany parenting.
The flourishing parenting life is the life of self-reflection. We want to respond with poise and maturity in tight spots. And we want to know our hot buttons so we can dial things down.
The self-reflective life is the successful parenting life.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Our Parenting Doctors Interview Series Continues with long-time Comedian, national speaker, and author Jedd Hafer. Jedd is an expert on emotional intelligence, de-escalation, and preventing anger from turning into Violence.
Jedd is a long time renown comedian. He has worked with troubled youth and in a variety of parenting and family situations. He has been a long time national speaker and worked for many years with Love & Logic.
Jedd has some great resources including Love & Logic in Tough Situations Audio
and one of his 11 books titled Soulitude: Finding Peace for the Stressed Out Soul. Find it here at Amazon
Presently, Jedd is establishing a new organization called Mission Peace, that will allow him to teach his Crisis Prevention & De-Escalation skills have never been more important for law enforcement, security, and other personnel. For more information and an opportunity to contribute to Mission Peace, click here.
The following podcast is on some news and notes re: Covid-19 prevention and Panic prevention.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
We need to teach our kids about anxiety. This is a perfect time to teach our kids about anxiety as we face mass hysteria and anxietizing, catastrophizing, and overwhelming emotional reasoning.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
One of the Challenges of Single Parenting
I have a colleague who believes that wounds result in three outcomes: (1) Healing, (2) Healing with a scar, (3) Continued Bitterness.
Experiencing healing and attending to the kids is one of the challenges of single parenting.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
There is a Time to Confront & a Time to Let Pass
When we parent oppositional children, those kids who have tendencies to be more defiant, we have to show a level of flexibility. These are kids who tend to be more defiant. These are kids who tend to be more difficult. We are more likely going to discuss issues "later" and come back to moments at a later time. There is a time to let pass, particularly during negative episodes.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Parents recognize that kids have a hard time taking perspective. What are those perspective broadening reflection exercises that can help kids, tweens, and teens grow in perspective broadening?
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
This is part 2 of my interview with Dr Dallas Carey, clinical psychologist and nutritional expert. Dr. Carey is a premier clinical expert on nutrition, health management, psychological wellness, and superfoods. For more information on her clinical practice, visit her website at https://dallascarey.com
Thank you for listening to the Parenting Doctors Interview Series, a new series of interviews where we interview the nations' best in key and unique areas relevant for families.
For more information, go to www.parentingdoctors.com and see Dr. Dan van Ingen's parenting book--: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Kobe Bryant was a legendary basketball player. He became a legendary father. There are so many lessons we can take from his life. He's a GIRLDAD!
His last moments: Going to church with his 13-year old daughter. Holding her as they died together.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
It is helpful for a family to encourage disagreement. Strong families are not negatively affected or impacted by minor disagreements. Raising secure individuals includes encouraging differing viewpoints.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
This is part 1 of my interview with Dr Dallas Carey, clinical psychologist and nutritional expert. Dr. Carey is a premier clinical expert on nutrition, health management, psychological wellness, and superfoods. For more information on her clinical practice, visit her website at https://dallascarey.com
Thank you for listening to the Parenting Doctors Interview Series, a new series of interview where we interview the nations' best in key and unique areas relevant for families. For more information, go to www.parentingdoctors.com and see Dr. Dan van Ingen's parenting book--: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Mr. Rogers went to extraordinary lengths to assure parents that the language spoken on his show would reach children in ways that would keep them connected. He knew children would interpret literally, so every word was carefully scripted. As parents, he provided language lessons that we can incorporate in unique and different ways.
If you haven't seen the movie, see it's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood! What a blessing the movie will be to you and your family. And after you see it, take the time to talk about it as a family!
Language Lessons from Mr. Rogers: 9 Amazing Steps of Patience
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Happiness is a choice. What about health? Absolutely, research shows there is a correlation between poor health and unhappiness. However, I show an example of a man I met recently with a lot of physical problems but still maintained that happiness is a choice.
Check out this week's parenting podcast on how happiness is a choice.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
There are so many lessons to learn from Mr. Rogers. This movie is outstanding and I recommend it for all families. There is so much to talk about. While the late Mr. Rogers was no saint (as pointed out by his wife), he has left us with so many life lessons.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
We need strategies to diffuse tantrums. I provide a number of acronyms that can help give us tools and perspective to maintain poise in the middle of chaos, noncompliance, defiance, tantrums, anger, and refusals to name a few of the emotional reactions and teen behavior.
Maintain your poise parents!
Love with all you've got despite the hormones and emotionality.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Have you ever taken the time to reflect on your failures? Have you ever taken the time to go down the road of your life and identify failures at different times in your life.
I know, in my life, I have failed often. I failed during an important spelling contest when I was young. I failed trying out for my eighth grade baseball team. My dream of playing college basketball was crushed with two failures. I failed in two personal relationships in college. I failed at different aspects of my career. I laugh talking to colleagues about a study I worked on for two years and received rejections from four different journals with the fourth journal editor writing me that this "paper has nothing to offer to the field." That my friends, is a beautiful failure. If you are going to fail, go down like that my friends!
More recently, I have experienced significant personal failure. I have realized that as I long as I breathe, the failures will continue to come. In this social media obsessed digital world where it's all about putting our best foot forward, this exercise will cleanse you from the personal marketing gunk that can stick on you. Let's get real! We all fail. One of the best gifts we can give our children is an honest reflection on our failures and an explanation of how we didn't let that stop us from getting back up and moving forward.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Are parents more happy? Put another way, is parenting a happy endeavor? Certainly, parents experience less pleasurable moments. Parents are inconvenienced more.
But parents experience more meaning. Check out this week's parenting podcast on happiness and parenting.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
On this week's parenting doctors show, our parenting doctors podcast is an interview with Dr. Patricia Price. She is an expert on eating disorders. She provides some of the keys that parents can be aware of related to disordered eating, treatment, family changes, and nutrition. Dr. Price is a Parenting Doctor and renown for the treatment of eating disorders. She is author of No More Screen Time. Check out this book at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/More-Screen-Time-Patti-Price/dp/1504918606
For More information on Dr. Price, treatment in Minnesota on eating disorders, or for follow up questions, she can be reached at www.drpatriciaprice.com
A huge thank you to Dr. Price for joining us on today's show.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Today's parenting podcast is more of a reflection podcast. What is your parenting style? It is helpful to take a step back, push pause, and take perspective on our type of parenting. What is your parenting style?
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
During and after divorces, secure parents don’t take anything personally. Kids are allowed to express their preferences. Parents validate feelings, encourage expressions, and provide a two-step process to help kids navigate the difficult changes.
- What is your motivation?
- Are you trying to hurt or are you trying to be vulnerable? Or in other words, are you trying to hurt or are you trying to express your preference?
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Have you ever dealt with tremendous negativity? Have you ever been cursed with the most vile hate and nastiness? Have you been told how toxic you are and repeatedly had negativity and nasty statements said about you over and over and over again?
Friends, this is the kind of the thing that young people will face via cyberbullying, nastiness at school, or the junk at home. We need to prepare young people not only for the emotions (grief, sadness) but for the messages. We can help them overcome, overlook, and defeat so that they can stand on their firm foundation without wavering from who they are.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Families establish token economies with reward charts, star charts, and a system of rewarding desired behaviors. These reward systems can provide structure and consistency. Some issues to consider at home life include the value of encouraging personal responsibility (i.e. rewarding all work takes away from the value of being a family contributor), the problem of using affection as a reward, and the problem of undermining intrinsic motivation when parents reward interests.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
There is a time to comfort. There is a time to Instruct. There is a time to Correct. The distinctions are important for healthy parenting, on this week's parenting podcast.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Welcome to the Summer! It's summertime!
Successful families average a minimum of FOUR family dinners per week during the summer.
Instead of, "How was the day?" "Fine."
Let's engage in meaningful dialogue. 3 P's: Positive parents prepare!
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Kids, preteens, and teens face all kinds of stressors nowadays. Safety from violence, getting enough to eat, single parent households, domestic violence and so many others are some of the real stressors American children face.
Then there are those stressors that have changed over the last 10 years. Trends show that stressors have taken on an entirely new look that previous generations never faced. This podcast highlights major stressors that are new to this generation and we identify key tools that families need to equip their young people with in order to adequately cope with today's stressors.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
There are several aspects to separation anxiety. Sometimes finding a child psychologist or a counselor who specializes in anxiety and attachment issues can be of great help for a family.
This podcast focuses on one unique angle. After talking with over 100 mental health practitioners in El Paso, Texas and Albuquerque and Santa Fe, New Mexico this week, one of the things that comes up frequently is how parents may reinforce some particular anxieties.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Humility, Rules & Principles to Live by, & The Beauty of Motherhood: Happy Mother's Day!
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Shifting attention is another pillar of happiness. I provide a number of interesting research ideas on how allocating attention is more critical than actually experiencing positive events. Two major areas can be discussed for parents and families: allocating attention and being in the present.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Is there meaning in video games? Kids using video games excessively end up with quick analytical skills and reflexes, but lack communication skills, have few bonds with people, exhibit little empathy, and show minimal self-control.
A metaphor for managing video games is considering the effects of high fructose corn syrup (HSFS), which has shown to be more addictive than cocaine. Like the food industry, billions of $ have been spent on everything from music in the games to specific types of reinforcement, all to make players want to spend as much time playing the game. Education of how GTA, 5 Nights with Freddy, and Fortnight ought to include how company facilitate addiction.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Building Optimism in Teenagers requires 5 steps. The goal is to learn how to deal with setbacks with optimism. Some of my greatest failures helped me to reinterpret and view setbacks optimistically. I share some of those at the end of today's podcast.
The main focus of today's podcast is to help teens see setbacks and disappointments not as permanent, but temporary, not as pervasive, but specific, and not as personal (or pathological - "this is an imminent catastrophe"), but as empowering. Building optimism is a very important cognitive skill. So, I describe in detail the kinds of exploratory questions that can help teens process through their experience.
Gone are the days of just letting teens wallow in pain and "then they will get over it." You know - soon they will come out of their room. No, the research is clear that we can help people more than that. Of course, give them time, but finding ways to promote the reflective life can build optimism.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
I'm back from a trip through Illinois speaking to psychologists, counselors, social workers, marriage & family therapists, teachers, speech pathologists, and occupational therapists.
Today's podcast focuses on building mindfulness skills for teenagers. Research shows that our attention is on something other than what we are doing 1/2 of our awake time. We live in a culture that reinforces rushing, restlessness, multi-tasking, speedy information, quick fix instagram, snapchat quick drops, and sleep deprivation. One of the things young people (and all of us) need is mindfulness. Mindful attention, mindfulness grounding, mindful eating, and taking time.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Specific, Not Terrific Technique
Kids don’t have to be perfect. Parents don’t have to be perfect. We all make mistakes, we all come up short. It’s helpful to communicate directly to kids that they don’t have to be terrific. We just want them to be specific. If you use the phrase, “You are a terrific kid!” Great. Absolutely use that phrase. What I am talking about is communication. Communication is specific, doesn’t have to necessarily be terrific. The goal is to be specific, not terrific. There are several goals when it comes to be disagreeing - the key is being specific.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Parents need strategies to dismantle power struggles. Today's podcast focuses on The Negotiation Strategy. We can assert obedience. However, choice helps children (and especially preteens and even more so, teens) to find their own individuality while they learn to follow directions and learn to take responsibility within their own boundaries. The next and more advanced step is teaching negotiation. When teens master negotiation, they learn skills that will last a life time.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Kids need a strategy for arguments. Parents can give their kids a strategy by having them classify arguments into petty and purposeful arguments. This podcast looks at a strategy that when applied, can make a difference in developing the skill of perspective taking - which is the ultimate goal.
See Dr. Dan's new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
The Oven Timer Strategy is a great solution for putting an end to manipulation. "Start engaging in problem solving or you will lose a minute toward your allotted time with your iPhone." For more, see You Are Your Child's Best Psychologist.
The use of this strategy is great for bed time ritual, homework problems (i.e. procrastination), video game limits (or lack thereof).
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
How do we teach children humility? It starts with us. Check out this week's parenting podcast. There are lots of things to apply from the latest research on parenting including addressing manipulation and the keys to allowing disagreement in the home while maintaining respect for authority.
Then there are things that make life better for the family like turning off the TV.
One of the things that is most needed is HUMILITY. "I make a lot of mistakes" is about us, as parents.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Parents of Teenagers have a lot in common. It's time to get together and form support groups. Many of you do this informally through friendships via sporting events, church get togethers, community gatherings, etc. We provide some key things to think about in putting together the parameters of a formal support group.
Themes, facilitator roles, key books and websites, and group rules.
Time to form a group! We are in this together!
Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
We need strategies for our kids' anger. Of course, parents need to work on their own stuff. The more parents are calm, cool, and collected, and can self-soothe and handle stress with poise, the more are kids will respond well. Our stuff is for another day.
This podcast is about key strategies for our kids. This podcast presents anger scaling, helping kids with categories, and the use of visualizations and role plays for handling future scenarios.
See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
It is common to deal with manipulation when you are attempting to address another problem. It is common to see eye roles or receive back talk when addressing aggression between siblings. First of all, address everything and assume nothing. Second, you need a strategy. The following podcast is a Triple D Strategy when you are dealing with a second level of nonsense.
Check out our new website at www.parentingdoctors.com
And See Dr. Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
In today's podcast, I provide an example where a Dad made a mistake by communicating a negative assumption about his kid. The kid went on to speak out of her hurt by being passive aggressive. The answer in this scenario is vulnerability. We walk through the steps on how family members can express how they feel and others can receive those expressions.
Holiday Stress? We can all relate. There are numerous holiday challenges. Inconveniences are endless in family situations. Inconveniences double and triple and stress multiples during holidays. Cognitive Flexibility helps with the flow that is needed during holiday stress.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Nobody wants to think about our children's future problems. The reality is that adversity is right around the corner. Listen to this parenting podcast as I give an extreme example of trauma and why one young man ended up with post-trauma resilience rather than a debilitating condition. He attributed his resilience to his strong family support.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
There are two key factors at play - temperament and reinforcement.
Parents may over-emphasize temperament and over-value personality. We do it all of the time. "That's just his personality." Strong-willed individuals may require more work. Defiance may require more work. Thus, shaping and reinforcement for that child's individual needs requires something different.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Healthy Families Allow for Disagreement
Parents struggle with this one. They use terms like "disobedience," or "rebelliousness." Parents are unsure how to allow for disagreement while still maintaining authority in the family. In today's parenting podcast, I lay out the specific rules for allowing for disagreement.
This is taken from Dr. Dan's new book You Are Your Child's Best Psychologist.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
What is most important when dealing with aggression toward others, back talking, property destruction, defiance, and noncompliance?
65% follow through and are consistent more than two times per week. Lots to discuss about this.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
This week's parenting podcast is The Ultimate Family Sleep Challenge! We are all sleep deprived. We as parents need more sleep. Our children need more sleep. Today, I present the Ultimate Family Sleep Challenge.
Let's consider the behavioral sleep recommendations and consider how we can apply good sleep practices to the kids.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
There are many stressors young people face. I go through some of the stressors young people are facing as reported by my colleagues (social workers, psychologists, professional counselors, and others) throughout the country.
See Dr. Dan's new book on parenting at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Dr. Dan explores the key solution to manipulation and passive aggressive behavior. He says that parents need to name it. And encourage (even expect) direct and honest communication.
Check out Dr. Dan's new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Today's podcast is about an argument between a father and a son. A father goes on to try to enforce the son to tell the truth with discipline, consequences, and punishment.
When situations develop within the family, truth emerges out of a relationship. When there are parent-child power struggles, multiple perspective can develop. Parents involved in family details may develop elaborate consequences but this will not deliver the truth. Love and the relationship is what brings forth the truth.
See Dr. Dan's new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20#customerReviews
Many parents inquire about "encouraging disagreement." It might sound better if I emphasize "allowing disagreement." Many ask, "What does that mean?"
The new generation of healthy families consists of multiple ideas and perspectives. If teens don't feel heard, they feel shut down. If pre-teens aren't respected, you come across as a tyrant. If young children aren't encourage to think on their own, their ability to think for themselves is dimnished. These individuals might then be easily moved and manipulated by a charismatic personality, for example.
This podcast discusses key aspects of respectful disagreement in the family.
See Dr. Dan's new book - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20#customerReviews
I present two interventions today that can make a difference, along with some key tips for healthy functioning when dealing with a tough adolescent.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Many parents pathologize childhood using terms like "He's an attention seeker," OR "She's so oppositional," OR "He's a tormentor," OR "He's A defiant kid!"
These kinds of vague descriptions may help us cope, but they do nothing to help children help. We need to help kids recognize that behavior is based on choices.
We offer a 5-step specific problem solving method that is the answer to these behavior problems that all kids have.
See Dr Dan’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Kids may be starting school soon. In FL, school is in full swing. Many schools are completing their first full week. Some of the kids are in a "candy store." Many others are overwhelmed. Kids are experiencing pressure, stress, and demands. Lots are being asked of them.
We want to reinforce self-compassion! I also provide a mindfulness technique using smell that can help kids get out of their overwhelm, into the present, and experience less stress.
Parents are paying $20 an hour and sometimes as much as $50 an hour for video game tutors. What's the problem with tutors?
1) Lowering self esteem and confidence
2) Reinforcing addiction (video game)
3) Reinforcing followship rather than leadership
See Dr. Dan's new book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
Check out the following videos at our Parenting Doctors youtube channel:
The Dr. van Ingen Clinical Psychology & Parenting Show on Anger.
(Dr. Dan and Professor Dr. Sarah present together) on Loving Angry Children: 5 Golden Coin Insights to Working with Anger in Families
This week's podcast presents 5 techniques, 5 ART's: Anger Reduction Techniques, that can help both parents and their children (kids, preteens, teens) when they are experiencing a cross over the threshold and into the therapeutic zone.
Check out Dr. Dan's new parenting book available at https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
We live in a strange Digital Culture. Everyone revolving their lives around cell phones. But, not everyone. Healthy Families are working against these water currents. Healthy families have parents who say "No Phones At Dinner!"
Check out Dr. Dan's book You Are Your Child's Best Psychologist at Amazon now.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
I share some of my failures in life, mostly growing up. In my book: You Are Your Child's Best Psychologist https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935576062/?tag=medrounpublic-20
I mention that parents should know their top 10. I share some of my top 10 and other minor failures.
I'm a big proponent of being unafraid of anxiety.
Likewise I'm a big fan of being unafraid of failure. To help our kids learn to be unafraid of failure, we should share our failures. Sharing failures builds connections because kids want us to be vulnerable, which does so much more than lecturing does.
Of course, we use wisdom to choose our moments when to share our failure stories.
This is a simple warning to parents. Yes, it's an unbalanced view on social media. The view presented here is not all encompassing and obviously doesn't include the positives about social media or recommendations for families. This podcast is a direct warning about what your kids' lives can look like without limits and considerations.
See other podcasts and our youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qNMxObTzbQ&t=8s on information re: social media recommendations.
WARNING! DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS' LIVES LIKE THIS?
10 Keys to UNLOCKING confidence in Kids. We don't have to wait until kids are young adults to develop confidence. That's what happened to me, quite honestly. Instead, let's develop confidence early. Here are the 10 Keys to Confident Kids.
Many parents have rough backgrounds. Many parents have "triggers" and when you deal with the stuff of raising kids who may yell, back talk, name call, or accidentally break a dish/glass, this can TRIGGER stuff in you.
Check out this podcast and LOVE ANYWAY!!!
Persistent Redo's, patience, and the power of praise
When a 4-year old says "what" inappropriately and noncompliantly, what should a parent do?
Check out this brief and terrific example!
Social Media is related to unhappiness. Does it cause anxiety? We are still waiting on randomized controlled empirical research to determine the relationship between social media and anxiety disorders.
But, let's just a take a look at anxiety problems generally speaking. And, let's examine what happens with each of these examples that I mention today. What should parents do? First, parents need to acknowledge the anxiety epidemic.
Some personal reflections on our new book:
You Are Your Child's Best Psychologist: 7 Keys to Excellence in Parenting.
Helping Children, Preteens, & Teens with Secure & Confident Comebacks
Children need to know what to say as an alternative from sinking low, playing in the mud, lowering themselving and entering into the negative. Instead, what is a secure and confident comeback in the face of being mocked?
As parents, we have to overcome our histories to be excellent. If you were raised in anger, you have to overcome that reinforcement history and respond in different ways than how you were trained. If you grew up regularly criticized, you will have to overcome a tendency on your part to find the negative and overreact with the heavy hand of criticism.
Ambivalent soothing and ambivalence in the attachment relationship is a very tough thing to overcome. But, consistency is the goal!
It is important to teach children how to validate emotion. Interestingly, it helps kids to remind them that they don't even have to agree when they validate emotion. An apology requires sincerity with minimizing.
Balancing Privacy and Protection With Teenagers' Social Media
1) Encourage Transparency
2) Smart Technology
3) Social Media Family Standards (and Limits)
Sports has three goals for kids: 1. To learn how to follow directions from somebody besides your parent; 2. To develop character which including learning to be unselfish; 3. To have FUN!
In this brief podcast, I identify a key book that every sports parent should read. John Tauer's book,
Why LESS is MORE for WOSPs (Well-Intentioned, Overinvolved Sports Parents): How to Be the Best Sports Parent You Can Be
You can Agree
Or
You can Negotiate
The goal of negotiation is three-fold:
- Develop PUP – poise under pressure
- Help children Accept that they have choices. They don’t have to agree.
- Reinforces negotiation and teaches them to think critically.
This is a large topic. Some of the keys include what parents can do and what teachers can do.
Besides psychological treatment, let's discuss some things parents can do. I remind us of the behavioral rehearsal, specifically the goodbye ritual. Another reminder of healthy attachment with two moments of warmth per day. A reminder of the importance of speaking good into our children / and calling good out of them.
Some things for teachers to consider, besides parents open to their words and influence, thus maintaining open communication with parents to give them that chance, and open communication with the counselor, include scaling anxiety and safe zones - while sensitive of potential for avoidance.
This is a large topic but I wanted to give you some quick solutions. First, we need to be aware of how the meltdown may be behavioral, emotional, or an attachment issue. Second, we want to address the issue of reinforcement - there are things we do that reinforce tantrums. "You must go to the coffee appt." "You must go to the job interview." Or, the child needs to go to school.
I provide an example of a goodbye ritual that can make a difference.
We have an extensive video on our youtube channel that articulates the five golden coins of loving angry children! Check us out at www.parentingdoctors.com
This podcast focuses on the key points in a few minutes.
Children will go down the rabbit holes of negative cycles. Sometimes these cycles include manipulation or passive aggressive behavior. Parents can nip these behaviors in the bud by speaking good into children. Nip Negative Cycles in the Bud by Speaking Good Into Children!
In our first parenting podcast of the year, we return to explore decision making. Many parents are susceptible to approaching their parenting as maximizers versus Satisficers. Maximizers will go to 10 stores in order to find the perfect pair of jeans. Satisficers will be content with the jeans at the first store because they are "good enough." So often, we as parents put our "maximizer mentality" on our kids. This mentality is a new kind of "snowplow parenting" (the cousin of the helicopter parent), but they inevitably plow before the snow comes.
Nothing is good enough.
Hard to please.
Unwilling to sit with coaches, teachers, or pastors to work through problems. Instead, moving on becomes the norm for parents seeking the Perfect "fill in the blank."
This completes our four recommendations for balanced families:
1) Family Dinners 2) Two moments of warmth with each child per day
And parts 3 and 4 are completed in this podcast:
3) Consistency - when parents are perceived as reliable... 4) Rituals and Traditions - the bedrock of healthy families....
Growth Versus Fixed Traits In Our Children: Why We Sometimes Restrict Emotional Development?
Some parents will say "Oh, he's just shy!" Or, "he's got a rebellious streak." These types of comments over-emphasize fixed character traits and undervalue the reality that our children are on a path of growth and development.
When children say "I hate you," "Go Away," "Time to go home - to a guest," these comments involve avoiding the subject. Anger Management is essentially being vulnerable by staying on the subject. Practice, practice, practice!
Part 1 emphasized the importance of family dinners. Our second recommendation emphasizes the importance of daily moments of connectedness. 2 moments of warmth per day!
This week's parenting podcast starts off my four recommendations for maintaining poise on the balance beam of family life. What are those things that families can do to stay balanced? Part 1 --- Family dinners!
Helping our children manage their anger is extremely critical for well-being and the long-term success of their future. There are several things we can do to help our children manage their anger. The first and most important element for families is for parents to see "expressing anger appropriately" as a positive for family well-being.
Youth deal with many stressors nowadays. Social media pressures and over scheduling in academics, sports, and activities are just some of them. The following podcast consists Five Pieces of Advice that Every Family Should Apply.
The last thing kids need is conditional love. Instead, they need unconditional love. No matter what kids do, healthy parents will love them no matter what. Drugs, teenage pregnancy, juveline detention, not getting Ivy League scholarships, not winning, not breaking records, misspelling on tests, etc. All of these things and more prevent unconditional love. Why is that? There are many reasons for conditional love. One of those reasons are those particular blind spots that we have as parents, that are related to family of origin issues. Bring resolution to these unresolved blind spots takes some work but has been successfully done by 1000's of people. Work in therapy can help resolve these blind spots. The goal is to love our children unconditionally.
There are so many advantages to losing a basketball game and as parents we can turn losses into life lessons, emotional resilience, and the ability to embrace adversity like amazing cancer survivors Tiffany Powles Garber or my sister Katherine Colino who embraced adversity and defeated cancer (with God's help). Let's join together and teach our kids life lessons as we value losing and failing for something better.
Facilitating Courage In The Family: Bravery & Vulnerability
Facilitating courage has to go beyond belief - and to personal impact. I provide 3 Keys to applying courage in the family.
- Reinforce effort more than outcome.
- Share moments of breakthroughs with your children.
- Take the time to be vulnerable.
We are talking about acceptance and courage to be vulnerability.
How to improve communication between a teacher and parent when a child has a behavior problem in the classroom.
If your teacher is dealing with behavior problems with your child, and gives you a vague explanation, try to ask for a specific example. If they can’t, ask him or her if they would be willing to write down the incident so you can walk your child through the incident and what could have been done to handle it differently. Likewise, when parents describe behavior to other
parents, specific details are important.
I spoke to over 90 mental health experts in the Midwest during three days last week. Many reports that parents put significant pressure on their kids when it comes to academics. College scholarships depend on academic excellence. Jobs depend on academic success.
Likewise, parents put significant pressure on their kids when it comes to academics. College scholarships depend on academic excellence. Jobs depend on academic success. Many parents put significant pressure on their kids when it comes to sports. When I talk to parents, some kids report experiencing pressure even when pressure is not imposed by the parents. The bottom line is that kids are experiencing pressure. What are the 4 ways parents can reduce pressure or help youth experience less pressure?
This week's Parenting Podcast is titled "Parenting Teenagers With FOMO -- Fear of Missing Out." There are a range of stressors that tweens and teenagers are dealing with nowadays. FOMO is one of those stressors, particularly as it relates to teenagers and their cell phones. I identify five solutions to approaching FOMO with your teens.
Family dinners remains one of the best predictors of healthy families. Discussing grief at dinner time includes accepting feelings and self care. Other practical things to do in honoring the legacy of the loved one include: 1. Slideshow 2. Small remembrances 3. Humor 4. Identifying positive attributes 5. Gratitude
Today's podcast is Five Action Steps to Help You Teach Your Child To Never Quit! In My practice, I am seeing quitting happening quite frequently on the sports field or court. It is not uncommon for kids to quit family games, from monopoly to the wiffle ball game, or the chess game with Grandpa. Parents have to put forth some effort to reverse this trend. Here are some action steps parents can take to address this problem in their own homes.
A man was going through a difficult time and his daughter remarked to the gentleman that she "wasn't proud of him." What does a father say to this experience? Is the only and "normal" respond sadness and despair? Or, is there another approach he can take to the relationship? And, what does a parent - child relationship need to buffer against the ups and downs of life, the highlights and lowlights of life? Unconditional Love is the answer. And, it starts with the parents.
This 7-minute podcast focuses on the Top 10 considerations when addressing a child’s tantrum during family pictures
(1) When parents take the short cut and reinforce the child’s refusal beahviors and tantrums with sour patch candy, a snickers bar, a twix, or some kind of gummy, this has the following consequences:
a. Reinforces tantrums and other misbehavior.
b. Teaches a child that candy is the only solution to stress management.
c. Delays a child’s learning about how to delay gratification.
d. Delays a child’s learning of key tenets of Emotional intelligence such as self control.
e. Sets a precedent that a family is unwilling to communicate with creativity. This can cause problems for siblings who ideally want to learn creative ways to solve problems.
What makes a successful family? (1) An occasional family meeting with open dialogue about how the family is doing. (2) Regular family dinners. (3) SCREEN FREE ZONES - Each house needs screen-free zones. This starts with the bedrooms. Behavioral sleep experts recommend that adults get the TVs out of the bedroom. Kids need their TV's out of their bedroom. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends screen-free zones.
I traveled around the state of Wisconsin this week. I met some wonderful professionals – teachers, principals, school counselors and psychologists, mental health counselors, psychologists in private practice, social workers, occupational therapists, and speech pathologists. So many people are working hard to make a difference and collaborate with teachers and parents to help kids achieve an excellent education, mental and emotional health, and quality relationships.
A key focus was trying to help parents regulate their anxiety and stay calm. This week's podcast gives an example of how we can heighten our child's anxiety with our own anxiety. Beyond knowledge, strategies are needed.
Today's parenting podcast is a tribute to a movie favorite -- Back To The Future. Parenting nuggets are discussed -- consistency, warmth, engagement...
All siblings argue and engage in conflict making sharing difficult sometimes. Positive households with warmth, good communication skills, and unconditional acceptance by parents make repair attempts and subsequent sharing easier. But, sharing can still be difficult. The One-Child Mentality ("Syndrome") makes sharing even harder to develop. Still, sharing is hard for everybody. We can help children be overcomers with regards to problems with sharing. Both short term common sense strategies and long-term solutions are provided.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed as a parent? Do you ever feel like you have lost control or are on the verge of "losing it" in the face of chaos? If that is you, you seem normal to me!! But, we know that maintaining poise is key in the face of the pressures of life and parenting. Here are two techniques that can help you keep it together and regain control. Most importantly, these techniques can help your kids regain control of themselves. The 5 Senses Strategy is useful in bringing down the sympathetic activity and anxious energy. It increases focus and reduces anxiety. The mindfulness grounding (countdown) technique helps kids (and parents) regain control when things seem chaotic, overwhelming, and out of control. This technique can help kids regain control and get grounded again.
Protective Parents: Five Nights at Freddy's? I taught seminars with approximately 100 educators and mental health clinicians this week in Alabama. One of the issues that came up this week is the issues associated with video games. Parents use video games for baby-sitting purposes. We've known for decades that video games increase aggression. Lately, there have been some games that are increasing psychiatric symptoms. I heard several reports this week from professional therapists in a variety of capacities and teachers who observe significant sleep issues, distressing dreams, sleep terrors, and sleep walking after playing Five Nights at Freddy's. Recommendations are provided.
We have seen the devastating effects of parental uninvolvement. And, we have seen the research and media identify the concerns regarding over-involvement (i.e. snow plow parenting, helicopter parenting). What about Pivotal Moment Involvement? Common sense parenting tells us that Pivotal Moment Involvement (PMI) is critical in child development. This podcast emphasizing the value of pivotal moment involvement in parenting. These are those important moments in the life of your child. The idea "you won't get that moment back" is true. Listen to today's podcast and be reminded, encouraged, and stimulated with five simple reminders on how to approach pivotal moment involvement.
Does parenting decrease happiness? Parenting is the epitome of inconveniences. With regards to happiness, the pleasant life does suggest that happiness goes down. But, the good life and the meaningful life cause happiness to go up. Engaged parents, as opposed to disengaged parents, can do specific things to increase engagement, meaning, and subsequently happiness.
Parents can do a lot to not embarrass their child or leave them out there alone for uncomfortable moments. "Can we have another milk. Lisa spilled it." Instead.... Say, "Could we please have another milk, we spilled it." (Or, "I spilled it."). This podcast emphasizes some of the keys to joining with your child.
To emphasize personality functioning minimizes the power of love in parenting.
There is a misperception in parenting – you are smart if you can describe your kid’s personality really well.
Shaping, reinforcing, instructing, teaching, guiding, instilling, strength-building are all more important jobs as parents than coming up with descriptions of your child’s personality.
In Part 1, I suggested two belief changes for all parents: - Conflict is positive, not a negative in family life. - Promoting conflict as a healthy pillar in childhood development, maturity, and education. - I suggested 3 phases of sibling conflict: problem identification, solution exploration, and solution focused agreement. In Part 2, identifying emotions, summarizing the other person's (sibling's) position, and using "I" language instead of "You" language.
Conflict is Good
Since the beginning of time, siblings have fought. Everybody in my generation who had siblings understands sibling rivalry and arguing.
Arguing is a part of life.
I’ve taken some time to look at sibling conflict from a different parenting angle.
I see conflict as good and I encourage arguing.
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Reward desired behavior- reward behavior in the direction of the desired behavior.
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Praise effort more than results.
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Count to 10, breath, take a step back – be like an eagle taking a broad perspective, not a snake that strikes out.
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Identify clearly want you want the child to do with clear expectations. Communicate everything, assume nothing….
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Take time to discuss how all actions have consequences; my favorite intervention for poor behavior is behavioral rehearsals – asking children to re-do their response or behavior.
Dealing with kids and their fickle friendships can range from an inconvenience to a nightmare.
Kids have rocky relationships and up and down behavior and nagivating this terrain can be rough. One client said to me, “My daughter is having a birthday party in a week. Recently, a girl in her class told her that she couldn't’ wait to attend her birthday party. The next day, she ignored my daughter for no identified reason. “
If we had a bug in our ear, we could receive feedback whenever we are in a situation when we are rushing, impatient, intolerant, lack compassion, reluctant to take the time to explain our perspective, and not taking the time to listen to our children's perspective.
Movie Review of the movie Inside Out. The movie focuses on the five characters of Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Anger, & Fear. While limited, this is a great movie on emotional intelligence. Introduces children to emotional integration and putting words to feelings and emotions.
A four-year old was shown some marshmallows. He could have one marshmallow now, or he could have two marshmallows in 15 minutes. There is a striking difference between those children who can wait for two marshmallows. How does this apply to parenting?
It is helpful for parents to reflect on the three clear reasons why inappropriate behavior is reinforced: (1) ignorance, (2) intolerance of being inconvenienced, and (3) shortcuts. Either we don’t understand, or we dread hassle, or we are anxious to shortcut a learning opportunity.
Emphasize Choices Not Orders: How to let your children be free without the family chaos! We discuss how emphasizing choices is helpful, particularly during those uncomfortable (but necessary) moments of disciplining children.