SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse: Recent Episodes
Mickie Zada
I’m Mickie Zada and I lived in abuse…for 34 years…from age 19 until I was 53. I believe we create our realities, and I chose to stay in a damaging relationship for so long because I thought it was my Calling. I was wrong. I changed me. I am now an enthusiastic participant in Life. “The words ‘I am’ are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.” A.L. Kitselman I am a strong woman, a fabulous woman, over 60 years old.
I am a Change-agent. I am an encourager. I am uniquely qualified to speak to living in abuse, getting out and surviving to the fullest extent. I know what it takes. I know the fear. I am a survivor.
I am a coach.
I am happy to have these “I Am” words to reach back and claim me!
The actions I teach and share are those that I’ve learned in my Journey from choosing to live in abuse to choosing to create my authentic life; safe, sound, Real.
I invite you to read through this web page. Think about who I Am. Read blogs, listen to some podcasts, watch live videos. Do we connect?
I am open and exposed. Choose to reach out to me or not.
What I know for sure is that I lived the life of abuse, and got out, and I’ve thrived, to serve as a beacon to other women.
If you live in abuse, or you’ve recently escaped, it’s my Mission to support and encourage you to choose and live a healthy life.
The materials, the tools, the support is here.
It’s your responsibility to grab hold and change yourself, from the in-side out.
Stories of women who have reinvented themselves for the second half of their lives. You hear where they have come from, what inspired their transformations and you can follow their path to having the life you really want. Figuring It Out After 50 is about taking your life from where you were to WHO you ARE!
This podcast episode is about business.
Specifically, My Business.
And the fact that it’s not working.
Warren Buffet is the third richest person in the world…he has owned and started businesses that have not worked. Here is one of my favorite Warren Buffet quotes:
“In a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”– Warren Buffett
You know that I have changed my mind, changed my life, changed my name, changed my business and its name. You know that my foundational belief is “If we don’t change, nothing changes.”
I have hung on for several years in a chronically leaking boat. I’ve tried several stints of patching leaks to keep from sinking. Changing vessels is more productive for me now than patching leaks.
I always considered the podcast, live videos, and articles to be my passion and a business. The business part was coaching and creating paid classes and groups to support, inspire, and educate women who have escaped domestic abuse.
Paid classes and groups have not been supported. In spite of my efforts, this business is not viable.
The cost to create what I offer for free is almost $1,000 a month. I thought by this time I would generate enough income to at least break even. That has not been the case.
The bottom line is that I can no longer justify staying in this chronically leaking boat.
This is the final episode of SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse Podcast.
Listen to the podcast to learn more about my decision to take the fork in the road.
I do intend to continue building an online community. My focus will be on personal growth for women over 50. Content and lessons will apply to creating our authentic lives after domestic abuse, but that will not be the primary focus.
If you are a member of the open or secret SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse FB pages, or The Second 53 Years, and you’re interested in continuing to follow me, please like my personal page, Facebook Mickie Zada I will continue posting content there.
I appreciate the support I have received from this community. As one of my coaches told me, the only thing consistent in Life is change. It keeps us growing and moving forward.
I am open, ready, and willing to embrace whatever new venture Divine Intent is leading me into. Choose to like my personal Facebook page and invite your friends to join that community, too.
Join me in the next growth spurt…thank you for listening and for following me to Facebook Mickie Zada
My guest today is Jitka Bernardova. Jitka grew up in the Czech Republic behind the Iron Curtain. Despite the confines of living in communism with very controlling parents, she was a very happy and active child. Her parents were very strict and she didn’t feel loved enough, so she was constantly seeking love from babies and animals.
Jitka loved to play outside and take care of all the neighbors’ kids on the street. She was so blinded by looking for love that she didn’t see the problems she was taking on when she married an alcoholic man at the age of 18.
His drinking got better and then it got worse…then it got better, and then it got much worse.
Jitka discovered it was not ONLY drinking that he was doing. He was also cheating on her: Cheating with her friends! To make matters worse, everyone knew (even her parents) and no one told her. That was emotionally devastating and it was the catalyst to motivate her to know she couldn’t live like that anymore. Jitka divorced her husband after 24 years of marriage.
Her kids were all grown up and on their own at that time. The divorce left her suddenly alone and not needed.
Being the strong woman she is, Jitka didn’t look too far ahead: She chose to rebuild her life day by day. She focused on herself, she focused on creating a life she wanted to live. She began a well-planned program of walking on the beach, working out, adding a healthy diet, meditating, learning English, learning to drive and reading.
She became a different person. she became stronger, happier and healthier than she had ever been.
Reach out to Jitka at New Stronger Me
You never know the influence you have on someone’s life. As you deal with your reality, feeling like you are drowning in emotions and responsibility, someone else’s view of you is that of inspiration, strength, and success.
My cousin died last week. She was a favorite cousin, my big sister by proxy. She was the one I ran to when I left my abuser for the very first time.
At that time, she was recently divorced, had emotional and financial responsibility for two young sons; she was a full-time Master’s Program student and worked full time. Her life was on overload. I’m sure she felt like she was at the end of her rope.
Then I showed up. In crisis.
To me, she was a savior. A strong woman in charge of her life, moving forward on her dreams, dealing with responsibilities, and creating a safe, healthy life for herself and her sons.
No matter how shattered your life may feel to you, to someone else you may be the exact inspiration another woman needs. That’s what my cousin was for me.
People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as “crazy” and full of fear and doubt. The narcissist shows up cool, calm and collected. Right?
Why is that?
Because the narcissist has the ability to make their victims responsible for any and every negative thing. Even things they make up…using our words! They convince us we are crazy. They convince us we are the abusers! They separate realities and stay calm, while the light us on fire.
You are not, and were not, crazy. You were abused.
Now it’s our choice to change our perspective, to accept that building our own safe, happy and authentic live is OUR responsibility. The abuse was real. We did not deserve it. We did not ask for it or enjoy it. Now it’s our choice to use that experience to grow, and to help ourselves and others heal.
Laurel Anne Hill grew up in San Francisco, with more dreams of an adventure than good sense or money. Her close brushes with death, love of family, respect for honor and belief in a higher power influence her writing and life.
Her early home life included a happy-drunk Grandfather and a mean-drunk Dad: So mean and violent that she, her Mother, Grandmother, and brother often hid in the basement to escape his wrath.
This life pattern, of course, set the stage for the first marriage to an abuser. It also created fertile ground in her mind to create heroic female characters and alternate Universes. At the age of 5, before she could read or write, she dictated stories to her older sister and used paper cut-outs as an illustration!
Her journey through childhood violence and domestic emotional abuse led Laurel Anne to become a strong, creative, talented and honored author.
Laurel Anne’s best-selling book, The Engine Woman’s Light, has won prestigious awards in the category of steampunk…which she explains is a fascinating alternative literary Universe. Laurel Ann’s diverse life experience has inspired her creative mind in many ways, as you’ll discover in this podcast conversation.
Learn more about Laurel Anne Hill at Laurel Anne Hill and on Facebook at Facebook: Laurel Hill
Order her book on Amazon Facebook: Laurel Hill
It was the lies and emotional abuse that lead my guest to research and discover that BOTH her Exs had extreme childhood trauma.
She said “This fact was something NOT taught in a triple Masters program in Psychology!”
After 2 years of research, she discovered childhood trauma leads to emotional abuse and that made total sense, for her healing and the healing of her psychotherapy and coaching clients as well.
My guest is Riana Milne. She is a certified, Global Life, Dating & Relationship Coach, a #1 best selling author, and podcast host.
Because so many women want to know WHY things went so bad when they were great in the beginning, Riana has developed, and she presents for us, the TEN TRAUMAS that are experienced during childhood that affect an adult later in life and in their love relationships.
Riana also offers 3 free gifts to listeners of SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse podcast.
All are available on her website – www.RianaMilne.com
1) Free Life & Love Transformation Strategy Session (a $500 value for Singles; a $1000 value for Couples); FREE when you mention this interview!
2) Free Chapter downloads of both her books; LIVE & LOVE Beyond Your Dreams.
3) Free eBook on this topic: found at – www.HavetheLoveYouDeserve.com
Her abusive marriage mirrored a made-for-TV movie. Then she decided that God must see so much strength in her; she shifted her focus from victim to thriver.
Kim Lyons describes domestic abuse as emotional terrorism and says what we all know to be true: If you haven’t lived it, you just don’t get it! Thrivers are a sorority of sisterhood. (Not a sorority in which we want to be Members, but in a sisterhood of support, encouragement, and inspiration.)
Now Kim works with people who want to harness their full power in life, with no limits!
Reach out to Kim and learn more about her on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/platinumkimmie https://www.facebook.com/groups/hardcorebodybuildersfitnessfreaks/
or on Linked in at https://www.linkedin.com/in/strengthcoachkimmie/
""If you're working hard but not accomplishing your goal, you don't change the goal, you change the strategy!" ~Kim Lyons
Many of us can relate to Rena Romano’s statement that for many years, on the outside her life looked perfect. She was a successful business woman, friends were envious, her Mother was proud.
On the inside she was dying, a broken soul.
Harboring a horrific secret since childhood, no one knew the pain she was suffering.
Then she chose to become a Thriver: she created and embraced her truth that there is always an upside no matter what you’ve been through.
In October 2009 Rena was a featured guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show where she shared her long-kept secret of childhood sexual abuse.
She also is a TEDx speaker. Her TEDx talk is titled “Healing Sexual Abuse can start with one word.” You can watch her TEDx talk on YouTube.
Learn more about Rena Romano and her program, The THRIVE Perspective, listen to her podcast and order her books, at www.RenaRomano.com
Raise your hand if you have you said this about your abuser: “How foolish I was. I thought he was perfect.”? My hand is up!
Christine Cristina shares her story of shocking awareness of being undermined by a narcissist. She sold her home and her business because he encouraged her to live the life he had created. They decided to build a new home. She chose to travel with him, to spend a lot of time on his boat, to give up her own life to embrace his.
She was 60 years old. She had never been married. Her gorgeous gown was purchased and fitted. Wedding invitations were in the mail. Then, he called to say he was breaking up with her. She was not the woman he thought she was. (!!!!)
Her life unraveled. She spent four months on the floor crying. She was suicidal. She was Shattered.
Christine is a thriver. With support from friends and through her faith, she became Unstoppable, Unlimited, Unsinkable. Shatterproof.
Read more details about her unique experience in her book When Life Unravels.
Reach out to Christine at www.WhenLifeUnravels.com
A 90-day temporary order took two years to resolve…YEA! I finally got 50/50 custody of my daughter!
This conversation is not to discourage anyone. It is to validate that right can eventually prevail, even in custody cases with abusive Dads.
Amber went to court without an attorney and everything her abuser and his attorney told the Judge was believed. Her abuser was given full custody of their daughter, then and there.
The lies he told were that she was addicted to drugs and alcohol. She was ordered to attend AA meetings. He said he did not rape her; she liked rough sex. She was ordered to seek sex therapy. He and his lawyer convinced the court that she lived in her car. She lived with friends. She was encouraged to sign a 90-day temporary order, giving her abuser full custody of their daughter. She was convinced it was the right thing to do.
Finally, after many court appearances, finally hiring an attorney who believed her, and two years of supervised visits with her daughter, Amber gained 50/50 custody.
Amazingly to me, Amber’s abuser fathered another child and he was given full-custody of that child, using the same tactics against that mother that he did with Amber. It’s a story we hear over and over.
Amber’s story gives hope that persistence and a good attorney can turn things around.
Amber Elizabeth can be contacted on FaceBook and through her closed page supporting abused women, Breaking Free! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1877914985844912/?epa=SEARCH_BOX Ask to join her group.
Jacqui Oh is a career teacher, student and vocalist who loves to ask questions, from dumb to inappropriate and often introspective. Jacqui likes to have fun.
She is passionate about education, diversity and culture. All of those areas are addressed on her podcast, StartDis. She is also a victim turned thriver of domestic abuse. Her story in this interview is openly shared with heart-felt honesty and emotion.
While Jacqui’s abusive relationship did not last many years, the trauma was tremendous. They were young: late teens, early 20s. They dated off and on for a couple of years. Controlling behavior led to threats of suicide and murder.
Still she moved in with him, believing he would not be physically violent toward her. She was wrong. And, after living together for just 4 months, he burned their apartment to the ground!
Listen to and share this woman’s tremendous story.
Learn more about Jacqui Oh on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/StartDis/
My guest just celebrated 10 years out of abuse…she created a Facebook video and titled it her “Survivor-versary”!
A long hard road that began as a young child through abuse by her step-father, she was conditioned that being treated poorly was “normal”.
My guest is author Melinda Kunst.
At 17 Melinda moved into teen dating violence … like most of us, she ignored the red flags. Now, she teaches teens and parents to pay attention to their daughters’ behaviors and words, to listen for control or abuse…she teaches teens not to ignore the red flags, like she did.
Her teen violence boyfriend said he’d kill himself and/or her and her family if she left him…he was a bully. She married him out of fear…
When they were married, it looked good on the Outside; her friends thought she had married her ideal guy and that she was happy. From the start, inside the marriage relationship, behind closed doors, her life was one of terror, rampant jealousy, and consistent, constant control by her husband.
After she escaped, as part of her healing Journey, Melinda began writing a blog titled Hope When There Was None. It’s now a Facebook page; check it out! https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/
Melinda Kunst is the author of two books Call Me Master and Awakening the Beauty of Life Without Abuse. Both are available on Amazon.
My guest’s favorite quote is: You can’t change where you have been, but you can change where you are GOING!!
When she was in her 20′s, she thought she had met her soul mate, the love of her life. He was a very successful businessman who owned an advertising/direct mail business. They married and she soon became his right-arm partner in business.
In September of 2001, The World Trade Center collapsed: their business income fell 90% that year. Her husband was able to choose retirement, she set out to work in corporate America and proudly made a name for myself.
Sadly, her husband did not celebrate his wife’s success. He displayed only jealousy, resentment, and arrogance. His action toward her spiraled into verbal, physical and financial abuse.
We all have choices!
She chose to escape, and became empowered to not only seek safe refuge and healing, she began surrounding herself with positive, outgoing and caring people.
Angeline Mitchell’s favorite quote is from Michael Jordan: “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
She now inspires other survivors/thrivers by sharing her philosophy that when obstacles arise, embrace the challenge and celebrate the opportunity for change.
Angeline is a firm believer that by doing so, you first empower yourself so that you can then empower others.
Reach out to Angeline on her Facebook business page: Let’s Break the Silence.
Just you and your thoughts in the midnight hour: What are you thinking about? Can’t sleep because you worry, you’re still fearful, you’re wondering if you REALLY can make it on your own, were you really abused?
Sheila Malloy-Hall talks about carrying the shame, pain and hurt of abuse, knowing these emotions are not who she is or who she was meant to be. Still the feelings kept her awake at night.
Sheila is now an Empowerment Speaker, Advocate, Survivor Strategist, Best Selling Author, and she has moved from being a victim of abuse and domestic violence to the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of her life!
She shares her story of triumph and her healing journey to provoke, inform, restore and activate healing in others … from the inside out…and she encourages women to reach their highest level of internal fulfillment.
Sheila Malloy-Hall’s story shared in this podcast and her public speaking presentations encourage and empower professional women, who have been or are being exposed to abuse and domestic violence. These include professional women who may appear to have it all together on the outside, but who may still be adversely affected on the inside by the trauma of abuse and domestic violence.
Learn more about Sheila on her Facebook page:
Healing2Grace, Inc.
Wouldn’t you love to have magic words to use when communicating with your narcissist…or any abuser?
My guest, Lindsey Ellison, tells you exactly what to say on this podcast and in her book by the same title, Magic Words. Lindsey is an author, a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc.
She specializes in helping people break free from narcissistic abuse, navigate their divorce or break-up, and find happiness and peace.
Originally stemming from her own personal experiences, Lindsey’s mission is to inspire you to make those amazing changes in your life to help you start over and find happiness.
Lindsey shared much of her story of transformation after abuse as my podcast guest in March 2018. That very insightful discussion was titled “You are not the only one…you are not alone”. Check it out.
Today we are talking about her new book “Magic Words, How to get what you want from a Narcissist.”
More information about Linsey, her online courses and her book can be found at https://lindseyellison.com/
How is it possible for this to be your most abundant year? That’s what I wondered…then I thought about what “abundant” really means!
Abundant is finances, of course. And much more than that! I discovered that this being my most abundant year included changing my perspective, releasing even more negative self-talk, recognizing and letting go of undermining beliefs tied to the Imposter Syndrome. I spent the past few weeks changing my attitude and my energy.
This is my most abundant year. Will it be yours, too?
What does “abundant” mean to you? Are you willing to step out of “Where you are” to move on to “Where you want to be”?
This can be your most abundant year. That is a choice, right?
Listen to more podcasts, watch videos and read articles all created to inspire, encourage and empower thrivers of domestic abuse.
www.SurviivngAbuseNetwrok.com
I easily and effortlessly smile! Why? Because smiling is the quickest way to increase positive energy.
Several women in my Community have asked this week how to change their negative moods and attitudes…they were feeling sad, guilty, lonely, frustrated, angry, alone.
We all feel negative emotions now and then.
Having left domestic abuse does not mean everything is good now…no more sad days, living in the past or fearful of the future. Right? We still carry all that negativity with us, in the recesses of our minds. And it does surface from time to time.
This podcast discusses and teaches The Smile Exercise. It is simple and free. Anyone can do it. And, it will improve your attitude. I learned this process years ago and still use it often.
Test the theory…what have you got to lose (besides feeling sad, lost, alone, afraid?)
For more information about thriving after domestic abuse, listen to podcasts, watch live videos and read articles on my website www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
There is a pervasive reality described and discussed by women who have lived in domestic abuse…it is generally only talked about after we leave. We don’t want to accept the reality of our lives when we are still living in abuse.
Here’s the one thing:
You did not know you were an abused wife, significant other or girlfriend. For months, years or decades you did not know, did not believe, did not accept that you were abused. Your mind told you that you were the strong one, that you were Called to help your abuser live his life between the lines, that for whatever reason you were where you were supposed to be. Right?
Even after accepting that we were abused, it usually was months or years before we gained the strength, the support, the mindset, to leave. We are used to believing our lies. We still feel responsible for helping and supporting our misunderstood, angry-at-the-world abuser.
The one thing you don’t know about living in domestic abuse is that most of us don’t allow our reality to enter our minds, our worlds. Silence allows the epidemic of domestic abuse to grow, to thrive. 1 in 3 women in the U.S. experience domestic abuse at some time in their lives. You were not alone. You are not alone.
Listen to more podcasts, watch live videos and read articles at
www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
As kids, we threw rocks into water to watch the ripples…I still do! I like to see how far they will travel. We know that ripples of light and sound travel into infinity.
The same is true of what we say (sound) and the energy we release (light). Our words and energy are felt and heard. They affect objects they bump into…like our family members, co-workers, and friends.
We are totally responsible for the ripples we send into the Universe and into our little space of life.
The question is not, will I make a difference in the world?
The real question is, what kind of difference will I make?
Purchase Looking Behind Closed Doors on Amazon
https://amzn.to/2xmTJ9d
Learn more at www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
My guest’s Mission is to break the stigma of being abused by breaking her silence. One of the realities that empowered her and that she teaches other victims of abuse is that your abuse was not about you. It was about your abuser.
In our conversation, she shares that her former step father abused her physically, psychologically and sexually. He told her every single day, from the age of 2 til 12, that she was ugly, stupid, useless, worthless, and unlovable. She believed him, not just because she heard the words for so long, but because that was what she saw unfolding all around her. Every situation in her life seemed to be shouting, “He’s right!!!”
Lisa Cybaniak is now an enthusiastic, high-energy, motivational speaker and success coach.
Now she has created a life of value and worth. Now she has a family she adores, a home she cherishes, and a career she’s in love with. Her life is centered around empowering survivors of abuse to find their personal purpose, to build the life they deserve.
To learn more about Lisa and to join her online community, go to www.LifeLikeYouMeanIt.com
On Facebook, her private group is The Life You Deserve. You must ask to become a member of the private Facebook group.
When I decided to create my own name, I apprehensively told my grown, very conservative, son. His response on the phone, when I invited he and his wife to dinner to talk about me choosing a new name: “OH, this is gonna be good!”
At dinner his response was “Mickie Zada?! That sounds like a hippie name.”
My answer to his concern: “Well, you know me as your Mom, as your Dad’s wife. You don’t know “Me”… and I AM an old hippie!”
Listen to this podcast to learn more about my motivation and reasoning.
Go to my website to learn more about Mickie Zada, listen to other podcasts, watch live videos and read articles. All this content is to inspire, educate, and encourage thrivers of domestic abuse to stay on their Paths, to create their own authentic lives…whether that includes changing your name, or not!
www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
Looking for your own personal coach? I’m available and I offer various programs, from 3 months to a full year. Contact me to schedule a complimentary 15-minute introductory session. Messenger me on FaceBook or contact me through my website www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
Dr. Wayne Dyer described life changing perception the best I’ve ever read: When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change!
Today you are at a milestone in your Life. Today, choose to change the way you look at things.
Doing the same things over and over, expecting different results is what? Some people say it’s insanity. I say it’s a victim state of mind. We can whine and cry, be angry and feel drained. We can “wonder why” our lives are “like this” when others are happy, thriving and enjoying life. Yet, we keep doing the same things: re-acting to stimuli in our lives, embracing the emotions of fear and re-acting in anger. Over and over and over.
Today you are at milestone in your Life. This new thought is revolutionary: YOU are in control of your life!
You’ve come so far! You left your abuser!! You are a survivor, a victor not a victim.
You have the power to change your mind-set, change how you look at things, create the life you love.
No matter how long you’ve been out of abuse, these 3 steps will empower you to choose a new direction.
Listen to more podcasts, watch live videos, read blog posts, and contact Mickie on her web page:
www.survivingabusenetwork.com
Join her online Facebook community at SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse
https://www.facebook.com/Shatterproof-Thriving-After-Domestic-Abuse-137284130241322/
Aimee Cabo’s life is a testament to the power of honesty, love, belief, faith and survival.
At age 15, she was part of what the Miami media dubbed "The Case from Hell"—a sexual abuse case that pitted her parents against her and her sister. Beaten daily by her Mother, it’s no wonder she was attracted to abusive partners.
To this day, Aimee credits her faith in God and the love of her support network for getting her through.
Years later, she would need that same faith and love when her daughter was brutally beaten into a coma. Her daughter's against-the-odds recovery alone is enough to restore your faith, but set in the context of this incredible family's life, it is even more moving.
Contact Aimee on Facebook at God is the Cure, which is also the name of her first book, available on Amazon and in bookstores across the Country.
Like the fact or not, each of us has a life pattern, some “program” deep in our brain that creates our attraction to abusers. My lesson, my program, was “Anything the boys did was OK.”
Practically from the time my first brother was born (I was 15 months old), I was taught that males were granted more leigh way, were not held to the same levels of responsibility as girls and could do whatever they wanted to…while girls made excuses for their poor choices and negative behavior. My parents did not program me and my sisters that way to cause us problems: Our training was to protect our brothers, who had learning disabilities.
Thus, the stage was set to continue my life as a co-dependent enabler of men’s damaging behavior toward me. I stayed in domestic abuse for 34 years, always believing it was my Mission to keep my abuser between the lines.
I was wrong. It took many years and a lot of personal growth to embrace that Truth. I was 53 and had allowed myself to be worn away. I was 53 when I embraced the fact that I didn’t know who I was, what I thought, what I wanted in life. I did the work to change: If we don’t change, nothing changes.
Not only did I discover Me, I created my own name in which I anchored my new Being. My Truth was finally set free, the culmination of which is this podcast and my business: Surviving Abuse Network
Traumatized by molestation when she was a youngster, raped when she was 18 and then choosing a violently abusive partner, Amber Elizabeth had a lot to overcome.
But, overcome she did! And now she is the leader of a group of women who also are dealing with the results and agony of moving forward in their lives after abuse.
How has she made the transition from abused victim to thriving and vocal leader? Self work…personal growth… and dedication to applying the lessons she learned.
Contact Amber by friending her on Facebook. Request to join her private page, Breaking Free: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1877914985844912/
Executive Producer of the film “The Last Time”, author of Authentic Me: a Story of Strength, Perseverance and Faith, a keynote speaker, and an employment law attorney and legal advocate for increased awareness of domestic violence, my guest is Tiffany
After her third marriage spiraled into violence and ended in divorce, Beverly Wilkinson had an epiphany. She realized the common denominator in her abusive relationships was herself! She had a vision for a life of value, dignity and worth. She also had the dogged persistence to see THAT life come to fruition.
Born and raised on a cotton field in Mississippi, Beverly endured physical and emotional abuse through most of her developmental years. In 1991 she escaped Mississippi, with 3 young children in tow. They took a Greyhound bus to Seattle where she and her children were homeless for a while, living in a shelter until she could find permanent housing.
Today Beverly is a speaker, blogger, author and storyteller! She shares with us the challenges she faced, her 6-year process of changing her life and how she clung to and created the healthy, safe, joyful life she knew was her destiny.
Beverly may be reached at:
dressedupoutside@gmail.com
Instagram: dressedupoutside
Facebook: dressed up on the outside, but messed up on the inside
After her third marriage spiraled into violence and ended in divorce, Beverly Wilkinson had an epiphany. She realized the common denominator in her abusive relationships was herself! She had a vision for a life of value, dignity and worth. She also had the dogged persistence to see THAT life come to fruition.
Born and raised on a cotton field in Mississippi, Beverly endured physical and emotional abuse through most of her developmental years. In 1991 she escaped Mississippi, with 3 young children in tow. They took a Greyhound bus to Seattle where she and her children were homeless for a while, living in a shelter until she could find permanent housing.
Today Beverly is a speaker, blogger, author and storyteller! She shares with us the challenges she faced, her 6-year process of changing her life and how she clung to and created the healthy, safe, joyful life she knew was her destiny.
Beverly may be reached at:
dressedupoutside@gmail.com
Instagram: dressedupoutside
Facebook: dressed up on the outside, but messed up on the inside
As professional women we are strong in our careers as entrepreneurs, CEOs, attorneys and doctors; proficient, well-skilled women. At work we live in our power.
When we lived in abuse, that powerful person morphed into someone else. The emotional, financial and physical abuse at home caused us to abandon our business power…we changed into someone else. Someone our abuser created.
Now that we are out of abuse, we have the option to create our authentic lives 24/7/365. We have the choice to stay in that condo we created in Victimhood or ebb and flow into who we were created to be. A strong woman in all phases of our lives.
Professional women over 50 is a niche of domestic abuse that is underserved. Much support and inspiration are available for younger women. Those of us who are professional women, who are over 50 AND who lived in domestic abuse … we are overlooked.
Mickie owned golf courses with her former husband. She lived a privileged life. She shares her experience and process in embracing her authentic self after leaving her abuser. She was 53: No longer a “spring chicken”. Her transformation and growth experiences are real and achievable. And, it continues! She is morphing her business from Surviving Abuse Network to Shatterproof Thriving After Domestic Abuse.
Mickie shares ideas for you to live in your power, too…you’ve got this!
My guest is Rosie Aiello. History is being made today on Surviving Abuse Podcast. It’s the first time I’ve hosted two guests…and it’s the first time I’ve had the opportunity to gain the perspective of domestic abuse from a child who lived it. Rosie is joined today by her daughter, Sunny. Yes, she’s the daughter who plead with her Mom…”get me away from my abusive father.”
Learn more at www.TheLoveisKindNetwork.com
Abigail Manning is an Awareness Coach who speaks, writes, and conducts workshops on Authentic Health, which defines abuse as repeated mistreatment. Having experienced childhood abuse by both parents and domestic violence as an adult, she combines firs-hand experience with five years of intensive research on abuse and mental health.
With a light-hearted, empathetic approach, Abigail creates awareness and moves all forms of abuse out of the silent darkness where they start and thrive, into the colorful light of mainstream conversation.
Learn more about Abigail at https://abigailgmanning.com
My guest escaped the abyss of abuse through pinpoints of light. Her analogy is being in a pitch-black cave, when a tiny pinpoint of light is seen…and it grows…and leads us out of the darkness. It’s a perfect metaphor for our journey into, through and out of the abyss of abuse.
My guest is April Tribe Giauque. She is a Mother to nine children, an author, a teacher and a coach. She also shares her amazing story of living in abuse, escaping with five children in tow, and creating a safe, happy, healthy life after her escape.
The other person in April’s marriage was a huge surprise to me. John was her abuser’s business partner. He made family decisions and controlled all the money. Her husband talked with John on the phone. He met John at work sites. “John” was her schizophrenic husband’s alter ego.
Don’t miss this inspiring and insightful conversation.
Listeners may learn more about April at https://www.apriltribegiauque.com
April’s book, Pinpoints of Light; Escaping the Abyss of Abuse is available on Amazon.
Feeling silly in this episode… a cute analogy of life being like popping popcorn.
When we pop popcorn, we have to make decisions…timing of our decisions is important, or we’ll burn it, right?
You’ve got to listen to the kernels pop, paying attention until the popping is far apart, and you have to stop the microwave before the popcorn burns.
Just like life, we have to keep our eyes and ears open to the opportunities in front of us. We have to be patient and time our decisions as best we can.
Life is like a bag of popcorn…much more like life than I ever considered before!
Like many of us, Justine said a lot the early signs of abuse were just missed. Her guy was her Russian tutor…he was exotic, charming, bright and caring. Those are the traits she chose to pay attention to. She was a young college student, 19 and vulnerable.
Justine Wentzell transformed from domestic abuser to an advocate for survivors. Her book, Pocket Full of Dreams, is available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=a+pocket+full+of+dreams . Her You Tube Channel is called “Tea with Justine” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hJpc1GqaDk and it falls under her blog, “Love, Justine.”
A busy woman, for sure. High energy, enthusiastic about creating the life she loves, and helping inspire and encourage women on the path to healing and recovery from domestic abuse. Meet Justine Wentzell.
“Hello, I as Suzanna. I’m too Emotional. I’m also too Sensitive, too Needy. I’m Incapable. Unqualified. I’m Like a Sailor (if I cuss). Life a Virgin (when I play innocent). Like a Whore (when I play). I’m often Mistaken and very often Wrong…unless I’m right, then I’m Out of Line. Then I Have it Coming.”
My guest is Suzanna Quintana. The words above resonate with me…you, too? We can’t do anything right…and when we do, we are out of line, aggressive, we “have it coming”.
Suzanna is a writer, abuse survivor, women’s advocate, feminist and single Mother of 3 boys. She serves as a guiding voice to those ready to escape their pain and claim their space in the Light of freedom.
Want more information?
suzannaquintana.com
facebook.com/suzannaquintana
Who is Mickie Zada? What is Surviving Abuse Network? We are part of a growing wave of change…Join us in refusing to accept status quo!
Women are not equal in lots of places…but especially not in many of our homes and, certainly, not in the court system. Do you know that 70% of abusers manage to come out ahead in our court system today?!?
The goal of Surviving Abuse Network is to bring the reality of domestic abuse out of the closet and on to center stage.
Equally as important is making it clear to those of us attracted to abusers, if we don’t change, nothing changes.
I am not victim blaming. I lived in domestic abuse for 34 years. I don’t blame myself for that.
Our attraction to abusers is the result of a lesson, a pattern that was programed into my brain when we were kids. The programmed pattern controls our thought process, our emotions. It tells us that abuse is normal.
When I identified that programmed pattern in my own mind, I was able to deal with it and eliminate my attraction to abusers. You are able to do that, too.
Learn more about programed patterns, hard wired lessons that affect our lives and we don’t even know they are there.
Why I do not accept status quo and how Surviving Abuse Network challenges the current norm? I am traveling to the beat of a different drum, just like you!
Here’s the fact: Domestic abuse affects 1 in 3 women in the United States. 1 in 3!
Domestic abuse is real, and we don’t have to live with it!
My guest says, in person and on her website, “I want to put a stop to survivors of abuse feeling broken, unfixable and absolutely frustrated because it seems nothing they do is helping. Honestly, it really pisses me off when survivors are not able to have the lives and relationships they deserve. Whenever I hear stories of survivors giving up, falling deeper and deeper into despair, or worse, being further traumatized by people who are supposed to help, I get so upset. It also reminds me of my past and how excruciating life was for twenty plus years.”
“I was definitely convinced that there was no way out of the pain, constant instability, and feeling of worthlessness. It sucked, but I found a way out and I would love to support you in doing that as well.”
Rachel Grant is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach. She is also the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse.
She brings to the table a passionate belief that her clients do not have to remain trapped or confronted daily by the thoughts or behaviors that result from abuse. Through her own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, she has gained insight and understanding about what it takes to overcome abuse. This makes it possible for her to relate to and appreciate your struggles intimately.
Learn more about Rachel and download her free checklist, “3 Stages of Recovery”, go to wwwRachelGrantCoachong.com
He swept her off her feet, even bought her a house with a big back yard for her two lovely daughters. She believed she had fallen deeply in love with an ideal partner.
On the first day of their honeymoon, he grabbed her hand, squeezed it very hard and said “Now that you are my wife, you will do as you’re told, how you’re told and when you’re told.” The relationship deteriorated quickly. A few months later she literally ran for her life.
Susan Ball used her traumatic domestic abuse experience as the impetus for her transformation into coaching women who have experienced, or are experiencing, domestic abuse. Her company is called Empowered Her. She believes every woman can heal from domestic abuse.
Blog posts, additional coaching information and a free ebook titled “5 Ways to Love Yourself Courageously Enough to Walk Away” are available on her website www.susan@susanball.ca
My guest, Christen Sacco, is a shining beacon of Light for women treading the darker paths of Life. She is proof positive that we can make different choices, that we do create our realities and when we decide we deserve better, our lives will change.
At 20 years old she had quit college because she was pregnant. With a 5 month old infant, feeling like she had no marketable skills, and her abuser telling her there was no chance she could make it on her own (and that no one would want her with a young baby in tow), she struck out on her own.
Christen worked full time, went back to college to earn a business degree and was an active, loving, caring Mom to her son. It wasn’t easy. She says, “If I can do this, anyone can! Don’t give up!”
Fifteen years later, Christen is a motivator, writing a book about domestic abuse and actively speaking out to bring the epidemic of domestic abuse from of the dark crevices of silence onto center stage.
She can be followed on Instagram (Christen Sacco), through her blog at ChristenSacco.com, and on Facebook (Christen Starr Sacco).
Oh, how often I thought that, while living in abuse; “I am never going to be good enough!”
Gia is open, honest, raw and descriptive of her abuser’s behavior toward her. She is the same about her actions, doing everything she could not to incite his anger, fury, dangerous actions toward her. Walking on eggshells. Living in fear.
She tells us how she tried so hard to love him enough, to not say things that would make him angry, to be home immediately after work, to leave work when he demanded she do so.
She describes his unreasonable accusations, how he threatened a friend with a gun, how she finally realized she could not live that way any longer.
Then she encountered a judge who would not allow mention of domestic abuse. The judge refused any evidence or police reports and gave their child’s abusive Dad equal shared custody, without supervision.
Gia’s is a horrific, and not uncommon, story. Listen to this strong woman’s description of her life in abuse, and how she is now creating a safe place to share her story…to speak her Truth!
If you have questions or would like to host Gia on your podcast, she can be reached at giacontini13@gmail.com
Mother, wife, family law attorney, business owner, woman rights advocate and philanthropist are a few of the hats Rania Arwani wears.
Her goal is to educate women in abusive relationships to identify the signs of abuse and motivate them to speak up for themselves and their children.
Rania has domestic abuse in her past; tragic, violent abuse. She endured a long and costly battle for custody of her children and embraced her Mission to become an attorney and help other women the way here attorneys helped her. With her family in Dubai, Rania entered law school in Florida, a single mother of two young children. Thankfully her sister was able to come stay with Rania in the States, but those were stressful, difficult, traumatic years. Her dedication paid off.
This episode is the first time Rania has spoken her Truth publicly. I am proud that she chose Surviving Abuse Podcast for this special occasion!
After listening to this podcast, you may contact Rania Arwani through her web site, www.ArwaniLawFirm.com or call her office at 407-254-0060. If you are looking for legal assistance in divorce or child custody issues, Rania’s website offers a free 15-minute consultation.
A Hijackal® is a person who hijacks relationships, for their own purposes, while scavenging them for power, status, and control.
Hijackals® make you question your sanity and constantly second-guess yourself. That’s their game … and they are very good at it! They play to win … at any cost.
Sound familiar? Of course!
My guest is Dr. Rhoberta Shaler and she coined the word Hijackal®. Her Mission is helping people identify emotional abuse and learn that there is a safer, saner, better world available. Dr. Shaler discusses the fact that there are reasons we are attracted to, and are attractive to, abusers and that there is choice involved in embracing our freedom from their control.
Listen to this fascinating discussion about Hijackals® ; who they are and what’s really going on in the crazy-making relationships in your life.
Learn more about Dr. Rhoberta Shaler at www.forrelationshiphelp.com. Her YouTube channel is For Relationship Help and her podcasts on iTunes and all the other popular podcast channels are Emotional Savvy and Save Your Sanity. On her web site you can access her online television show, Emotional Savvy, and subscribe to her newsletter. When you’re ready, Dr Shaler is available for online counseling, around the world!
People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as “crazy” and full of fear and doubt. The narcissist shows up cool, calm and collected. Right?
Why is that?
Because the narcissist has the ability to make their victims responsible for any and every negative thing. Even things they make up…using our words! They convince us we are crazy. They convince us we are the abusers! They separate realities and stay calm, while the light us on fire.
You are not, and were not, crazy. You were abused.
Now it’s our choice to change our perspective, to accept that building our own safe, happy and authentic live is OUR responsibility. The abuse was real. We did not deserve it. We did not ask for it or enjoy it. Now it’s our choice to use that experience to grow, and to help ourselves and others heal.
There are two statements I make that some people take personally…statements that they feel are demeaning and insensitive to women who have live in domestic abuse.
I disagree.
The statements are: “If we don’t change, nothing changes” and “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” A third one attracted the ire of a couple of my community members, too: “You don’t attract who you want. You attract who you are.”
Each of those statements addresses victims of domestic abuse. The people who attack those statements feel that they are blaming victims, saying they are responsible for being in abusive situations, want to be abuse, or somehow deserving.
Absolutely Not!
I use my own experience in this podcast to explain my position and opinion. Like most victims of domestic abuse, I was conditioned as a kid to accept negative behavior by males as acceptable, OK, my lot in life. Not because an adult was abusive. Because my brothers were dyslexic and were allowed to behave unacceptably. My sisters and I were taught to accept the boy’s negative behavior. That led to abusive marriages…for me and every one of my sisters.
Sound far fetched to you? Listen and tell me what you think.
I am Mickie Zada, the CEO of Surviving Abuse Network. Please check out my web site at www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
For 22 years, Chandra Bachu knew what it was like to live in domestic abuse. She tried to escape; staying in shelters three different times, but without money saved, she returned home….to daily abuse.
She said, “I was looking for my way out and didn’t get it. I gave up and stayed because I wanted my kids to sleep on a bed, go to school, and we would not have to fear for our lives, because it would be worse if we left.”
After many years volunteering with Cynthia Pinkney Ministries, she now spends her time helping to give families a new beginning through her organization: A Red Rose Foundation, Inc.
Certainly a like-minded woman, she is quoted online saying
“I believe nothing happens by coincidence. Taking a mess and turning it into a message is what life is about. Giving a mom hope for a new beginning can impact the rest of her life and her children. Environment changes people. Our goal is changing the next generation by helping mom; we are creating a new life for these kids,”
Learn more about Chandra Bachu and her organization, A Red Rose Foundation, Inc. at www.ARedRoseFoundationInc.com
You are creating your own reality…so am I! How do we do that? We gather information, embrace what resonates with us and apply that lesson to our lives.
No one has your exact experience. No one lived the exact same abuse that you did. No one stayed for the same reasons you did…and no one left for the same reasons, either.
Many, many women have lived in abuse. Many, many women have chosen to create wonderful, safe and healthy lives after leaving abuse. Listen to them, ask questions, learn what they have to teach…and know that your Path will be different.
Why? Nobody else’s footsteps lead exactly where you’re going!
Executive Producer of the film “The Last Time”, author of Authentic Me: a Story of Strength, Perseverance and Faith, a keynote speaker, and an employment law attorney and legal advocate for increased awareness of domestic violence, my guest is Tiffany Hill. Her company, TH Authentic LLC inspires survivors to move past the pain of domestic abuse and into their authentic purpose.
Well known for teaching, “Nothing is more valuable than embracing one’s Truth”, Tiffany practices what she preaches. Her personal mantra is, “to live authentically is the ultimate form of happiness.” This truly is a woman who walks in the Light of her truth and authenticity.
Tiffany’s husband/abuser was the President of a university. To protect herself and his position and reputation, Tiffany hid their Private Life well, through Public Lies, convincingly pretending her life was as “normal” at home as she portrayed in public.
Her story is powerful. You will enjoy this conversation.
You may contact Tiffany, and learn more about her, on her website www.THAuthentic.com
People represent themselves as who they have been told they are…not who they really are…not who they aspire to be. My guest, Lisa Vogt, helps people create more fulfilling careers and lives by working and living in those areas that cause their Lights to shine. Her unique ability to expose and empower her clients to step into their strengths and joy, is evidenced in our high-energy discussion and the examples she shares.
Considering changing careers, exploring job opportunities, updating your resume? Lisa’s program “Just In Time Job Application” may be your answer.
Listen to this podcast and check out more of Lisa’s fun filled wisdom.
A coach, podcast host, successful e-book author and all around enthusiastic woman, Lisa’s company, Ever Better, can be visited at www.EverBetterU.com
It’s a common scenario. High school sweethearts. He treated her like she was precious, said all the right things, and she ignored the red flags.
The military sent him overseas so they got married so she could go, too. One night while dancing, he misunderstood something she said and he punched her in the mouth. She was taken to the hospital. The military’s resolve to his violence was to send her back stateside!
Back in the States, during an especially brutal attack, Hope dialed 911. The police response was to tell he if she couldn’t get it together their child would be removed from their home! No support, the abuser was not arrested. Just a threat to put their child in foster care.
In spite of all this, Hope remained confident that there was a better life for her and her child. She knew from experience, improvement and change in her life was her sole responsibility.
Open and honest, Hope’s story of growth and creation of her safe, healthy and authentic life will inspire others.
Anyone may contact Hope for questions or comments at livingpurposedaily@gmail.com
Her 2009 memoir about surviving domestic abuse, titled Crazy Love, is the subject of the very first TED talk by a domestic abuse survivor!
Leslie Morgan Steiner has been a guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox News, MSNBC…the list goes on! Now she’s my guest on Surviving Abuse Podcast.
She was 22, a Harvard College graduate, a writer for Seventeen Magazine and living a magical life in New York City when her abuser captured her heart. They seemed to be perfect for each other. She is beautiful. He is handsome. He treated her like a queen…in public. Behind the scenes she hid a dark secret. She had fallen in love with a deeply disturbed, mean and violent man.
Learn more or contact Leslie at www.LeslieMorganSteiner.com
Most CPAs are black and white...no gray areas, no mushy stuff, no metaphysical beliefs…certainly no thinking like me!
Deborah Williams is not that kind of CPA.
She speaks about accounting and money mindset the way I talk about domestic abuse;
- Life patterns affect our current lives
- Our old ways of doing things may not fit who we are today
- Everyone else is “normal’, why am I not?
- Why am I stuck HERE…how do I begin living my authentic life
Because of family patterns, Deb was attracted to an abuser who was also an alcoholic. Since leaving that relationship, she has created a happy, healthy, safe and authentic life.
Listen to Deb’s interesting story of growth and transition. She shares insights and talks about lessons she has learned to create the life she loves.
For more about Deborah Williams, go to www.FinancialKarmaCoach.com. Her podcast is Financial Karma
Stephani Roberts is also a podcaster. Her show also deals with domestic abuse. We are kindred Spirits…she and I … and you. Her podcast is called The Audacious Life.
After separation from her abuser, Stephani described herself as a “frazzled, anxious mess most of the time.” With no family nearby, she decided not to lean on anyone else to get through her separation and transition. She was not married to her abuser, the Father of their two children. In some ways that made leaving easier. In some ways it was much more difficult.
It was a rough time. It was frightening. She was determined to create a new, strong, vital life for her girls and herself.
Within a year of being on her own, Stephani declared, “I’m launching a career come hell or high water, even if it means going to bed at 1 a.m.! This is my change to make a difference and I’m going for it!”
By embracing personal growth, Stephani did change her life. She was determined to never again be attracted to an abuser and embraced the work required to ensure a better life for herself…and be the role model she wanted her girls to see.
Listen to Stephani Roberts’ story of falling in love with a wolf in sheep’s clothing and the process she embraced to create a healthy, vital life and very successful entrepreneurial business.
Stephani’s podcast is The Audacious Life
Download her free affirmation recording at www.bit.ly/affirmation11
She was the most photographed girl in the world (THE Kodak girl)…and became a mafia wife.
Having grown up in Western NY, her story gets intense in New York City at a mafia-run club called Sundowners.
She never knew exactly what went down at the after-hours club where she worked, but the intrigue drew her into the mafia's underworld.
"I end up in San Diego, and I was married to a guy in the mob at this time. he was very abusive."
Wanting to take her daughter away from their abusive household, she knew she could never escape her mafia husband.
Then one day, she grabbed her daughter, got in the car and started driving away.
My guest today is Georgia Durante. She is the author of “The Company She Keeps”
Georgia shares that she buried her abusive past life deep inside for years, hardly ever thought about it or dealt with in, until she began writing her book.
Then things became clear.
4% of our population are sociopaths, according to recent research.
Like most of us, Stacy Brookman unwittingly fell in love with and married a charismatic man who appeared to be loving and caring; All that she ever wanted! He turned out to be one of the 4%... her ideal husband was a sociopath.
She became a lifetime member of the Domestic Abuse Survivors Club.
He could not keep a job, and that didn’t bother him. He suggested they move across the Country, and she went along. He insisted they purchase ever larger homes; he even bought horses. She struggled to pay the bills … he couldn’t keep a job … she went along.
Sound familiar? It sure does to me!
Listen to Stacy describe the hell that her husband created and how she made excuses for his behavior. She describes her embarrassment. She talks about feeling guilt and fear. He even bugged her car, her computer, her phone.
Stacy has now created a safe, happy, and authentic life. After embracing personal growth, taking responsibility for her life, she attracted a real man. A man who loved her for who she was and supported her entrepreneurial ventures. A man with a tremendous sense of humor, who was not an abuser.
Listen to Stacy Brookman’s evolution. She is honest, clear, specific and real. Anyone who has lived in abuse will empathize with her former life. And, admire the life she has created. A safe and healthy, authentic life can be created by any of us and Stacy is happy, living proof.
Stacy’s podcast is called The Real Life Resilience. She writes and teaches writing; Learn more at www.StacyBrookman.com She even offers a free writing webinar on her web site!
Stacy’s favorite poem is Veronica Shoffstall’s After A While. Read it here
https://nerro.wordpress.com/2007/05/06/after-a-while-veronica-a-shoffstall/
It speaks to me as a survivor. I bet it will speak to you, too.
We present ourselves as confident, determined and gritty business women. We keep hidden in the shadows the truth about the life we live at home.
Fear, anxiety and guilt are our constant companions but are seldom expressed. Like many of us, that was my guests’ truth.
Carole Sanek shares with us personal examples of every dramatic phase of the domestic abuse cycle. Her charismatic, funny, and charming abuser manipulated her through control, financial, emotional and physical abuse.
You will relate to the stories Carole shares. They are all too hurtful and uncannily common.
Some of the phrases she used in our conversation could have come out of my mouth:
- “…on the flip-side, people loved him.”
- “We dated for 3 years; none of the abuse was evident until after we were married”.
- “There was just something not quite right”.
- “Eventually you know what it’s OK to ask about.”
Learn more about Carol Sanek at www.Carolesanek.com
Her direct email is carole@carolesanek.com
Ruth Glenn is the President and CEO of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). She has served with this organization since 2014 and is a domestic abuse survivor. She “gets it”!
We talk about victims wondering “how could I have allowed this to happen to me?” and other realities of domestic violence. Our discussion also overviews programs offered by the NCADV, including their flagships, “Remember My Name” and “Hope & Power for your Personal Finances”.
2018 is the 40th Anniversary of the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse and one celebration is a gala during the national conference, Voices Rising, on September 23 – 26 in Providence, Rhode Island. Just announced: Jennie Willoughby (abused ex-wife of Rob Porter, former White House Staff Secretary for President Donald Trump) will be a keynote speaker! That is huge!
Learn much more at www.NCADV.com and www.NCADV.com/voicesrising
My guest, Bonnie Frank, created and managed a flourishing business, from scratch and on her own, while living in the midst of a very damaging relationship. She created her business by live-stream, every day, in spite of grueling accusations, confrontations and undermining by her abuser.
She live-streamed, with high energy and a smile on her face. No one knew what was really going on away from the camera. She did what she had to do to support herself, to maintain her own sanity … and her ability to be a responsible Mom to her two young sons.
Bonnie Frank is an amazingly strong, centered and inspirational entrepreneurial woman. Because of this conversation, I have changed my perception about staying or leaving an abuser when young children are involved. She is the epitome of making hard choices and tough decisions based on individual realities.
Listen to the podcast and learn more about this dynamic woman and her business. Bonnie L Frank, Business Coaching and Consulting, may be accessed at www.BonnieLFrank.com. Join her face book group at Totally Awesome Women Entrepreneurs https://www.facebook.com/groups/TOTALLYAwesomeWomenEntrepreneurs/
Bonnie is offering a free one-on-one 20-minute consultation for your business! Schedule your consultation at www.bit.ly/chatwithbonnie
“And yet, our society seems to think we should brush ourselves off after a life-altering change, go back to work and be OK. But, what does OK mean?”
That’s a quote from Heather V. Shore’s new book, Deeply Wounded Hope. Another that made me smile is God saying to her “Patience is accepting God’s timing. I answer your prayers in ways you never imagined.”
In her book and during our conversation Heather shares with us her inspirational life story of surviving and thriving after leaving, domestic abuse. She speaks to us like close friends, inner circle confidants and like-minded survivors…all of which we are!
More about Heather is available on her website: www.HeatherVShore.com
Today’s guest, Lindsey Ellison, wrote in HuffPost, “While our culture gets criticized for being too pro-divorce, I’d like to counter that criticism and say we are a culture of over-tolerance. We tolerate bad behavior and bad relationships for far too long.
We are rewarded for “sticking it out” and are scolded by our society if we don’t. I am often amazed to hear what my clients and readers tolerate in a marriage, and how they feel guilty for even having thoughts of ending the relationship.
Perhaps religion, our childhood influencers or the media interfere with our definition of a good marriage versus a bad one. To me, it’s pretty simple. One makes you happy and the other makes you miserable.”
Our conversation addresses living in abusive marriage and the necessity of personal growth in escaping. If those living in abuse (men and women) don’t change how they perceive the quality of their lives and relationships, nothing is likely to change.
Why?
Because we are used to how we’re living…we don’t think deeply about how we’re being treated … it’s fearful to admit we are living in abuse … we wonder if we really are living in abuse, especially when there are no physical bruises.
These thoughts and emotions are common.
You are not the only one. You are not alone.
Anna Seewald, Founder of Authentic Parenting, brings clear insight and provides helpful advice for those of us raising children after experiencing domestic abuse. We discuss the core of her teaching which is, “to be a great parent we need to work on ourselves. By raising our children, we are raising ourselves, too.”
She says “I believe in helping children by helping their parents. I have helped hundreds of parents around the world in the emotional job of parenting.”
Our discussion includes touching on Programmed Patterns, those things WE learned as kids and have passed on to our kids. We can-not change our past reality, or that of our children, but we can learn from our experience and apply the lessons.
To be a great parent it’s important that we uncover those programmed lessons in ourselves…embrace in-side work… so we’re able to help our children heal from their traumas, and make sense of their past experiences.
It’s not our job to make our children’s lives easier. We can’t change our story or theirs. Reality is reality. We can model and help our children gain strength from the past … apply the lessons learned … create a happy, safe and loving life.
Learn more about Anna Seewald and her missions at www.authenticparenting.com
Addressing tough issues with confidence, encouragement and love of life, this show is both entertaining and inspiring.
My guest is a survivor of sexual abuse (including rape); partner abuse; and is the mother of twins who were abused by their biological father after a judge granted him visitation rights when the children were three years old.
She loves to meet new people whether online or just around the corner. Can’t live without music, traveling and chocolate. She loves psychology, learning, nature, reading & writing. Four cats, a boyfriend and kids keep her crazy busy.
An enthusiastic participant in life, she believes we can have it all no matter our past.
Alianne Looijenga is the founder of Professionals Against Violence (PAVE) Podcast and is an international speaker who talks about activism and her experiences as a survivor of severe abuse, assault and rebuilding her life after trauma.
Alianne’s Contact Information:
Website: www.AlianneLooijenga.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/AlianneLooijenga/
Instagram: www.instagram.com/aliannelooijenga/
Do you know there’s a service dog a program for women suffering from PTSD as a result of sex trafficking and domestic violence?
There is!
Lydia Wood founded an organization called Freedom K9 Project, specifically to meet the needs of women survivors of domestic abuse and human trafficking. Lydia said “Integrating into normal life after trauma can seem impossible, but we work with the dogs and the survivors to create a team that leads to the healing of the survivor.” She “gets it”!
Freedom K9 Program pairs service dogs with human partners. Lydia describes the selection process and training the dogs receive. And, the application process for the survivor; it’s detailed so that the woman receives the dog best suited to her life and healing process.
One of the strongest aspects of this program is that it’s structured so that the abuse survivor is eventually able to manage living a normal and healthy life, after PTSD and without her service dog. WOW!
Listen to the podcast and get more information at www.FreedomK9Project.com
As a home-schooled young woman in a small, relatively closed community, at 19 Sarah was attracted to and married a handsome, charismatic and charming young man who swept her off her feet. Almost immediately, though she was not physically attacked, his rage at the slighted provocation, criticism of her, dangerous, erratic driving, holes punched in walls and smashed dishes created fear and anxiety in her life. She found that she cowered from her husband, chose not to express her own concern and anger at his behavior and learned how to avoid sparking his fury, as best she could.
After their second child was born, Sarah sought therapy. It was then that she accepted she was living in domestic abuse. Three years ago, Sarah escaped her abusive relationship and embarked on a personal growth path. Taking a huge breath, she left her career as a hair stylist to earn her Associates Degree and paralegal certificate. She now is employed as a paralegal, intends to finish her BA and enroll in law school; Her motivation is to fight for survivors of abuse, especially in law as it relates to child custody.
Sarah describes the frustration of dealing with her abuser, her children’s father, arranging regular visits, holidays and special occasions. She shares the solution suggested by her attorney, Talking Parents. For more information about that free program, go to www.TalkingParents.com
Don’t you love synchronicity? I do. When two totally separate events come together to make sense, I love it!
In the past several days I’ve had people tell me they are lonely. I’ve been surprised; that’s not something I hear very often. And then, I read a statement on Facebook: Loneliness is a sign that you are in desperate need of yourself. (it’s a Rupi Kauer quote)
I realized that when I was lonely it was because I didn’t know who I was. I was in desperate need of myself!
This show discusses loneliness and makes several suggestions to combat the emotion…the action is called personal growth. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. Sound familiar?
Listen to more podcasts, watch live videos, read blog posts…download a free checklist “Was I Really Abused?” and other free papers and ebooks. There are some DIY classes available now for under $10.
Inspiration and empowerment for survivors of domestic abuse: www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
Without regard to what the abuse was doing to you, were you taught not to embarrass your family by talking about your abuse? Was the message loud and clear that talking about the way your abuser treated you would bring dishonor, disgrace, to him and the family?
That is the lesson Mickie allowed to direct her actions and responses for many years. Once she left, she believed that thought-process was resolved.
Last year when, upon defending herself in a workplace harassment situation, she was told that she had brought embarrassment to her employer. There it was again!
A poem from Milk and Honey, by Rupi Kaur, brought the parallel of both incidents into clear focus. Listen as Mickie unravels “no bigger illusion”.
there is no bigger illusion in the world
than the idea that a woman will
bring dishonor into a home
if she tries to keep her heart
and her body safe
Milk and Honey
by rupi kaur
I was momentarily ecstatic when I read the news brief about me and Surviving Abuse network. Then the fear, the anxiety, the knot in the pit of my stomach erupted!
WHAT IF…WHAT IF…WHAT IF… the ramifications this publication are negative or my abuser reads it? I am shocked that I still experience those long held thoughts and fears. I’ve been out of abuse for 15 years!
Am I a fraud…not completely willing to walk my talk?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please listen to more podcasts, read blogs and watch live videos at www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com Interested in sharing your story as a guest on this show? Contact me at MickieZada7@gmail.com
Odds are good that you have heard these Top 10 Lessons but, as a survivor of abuse, they are all buried. Our old buddy, Fear, has over-ridden putting them into practice, even in your new life.
No matter how long you’ve been out of abuse, you have the option now to create and embrace the wonder-full life you imagine…you know, the one that you allow to shine bright light into your heart and imagination, every once in a while.
Mickie details the Top 10 Lessons she compiled through Google research, and she describes a practice you can use to intimately describe your authentic life, as well as a baby-step you can take right now to begin living a life you love.
Even if you’ve been out of domestic abuse for decades, I bet you are still being held hostage, in your head, by your abuser. There are thoughts and experiences that bring back that empty feeling in your stomach, make your heart race and cause the familiar burning dread of fear and guilt in our hearts and minds. Until we accept that we were really abused and that it’s OK to embrace the options and support available to us, our abuser will continue owning real estate in our minds. If you’re like me, your first response is “I’m past all that!”. Maybe you are. 14 years after leaving, I still was not. When I began talking about my experience, I began to truly heal. Please, listen to my story and see if any of it resonates with you.
The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during the same time was 11,766. That’s nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war. http://bit.ly/2jc1N8x
Join the conversation: Domestic Abuse is real and we don’t have to live with it! Surviving Abuse Network is one place for you to participate with a sisterhood of domestic abuse survivors. Together we will make a difference. #1in4domesticabuse https://www.facebook.com/Surviving-Abuse-Network-137284130241322/
The theory of Collective Collusion addresses the fact that society will side with the perpetrator when abuse is brought forward.
WHAT?? And why??
Because society does not want to question the Father figure, the Authority figure. If Authority is questioned, the implication is that we are ALL just poor, weak human beings. Nope, can’t let that happen!
#Metoo has opened Pandora’s Box. I’m hopeful the wave of open discussion about sexual harassment and abuse will flow into the realm of domestic abuse, too. Most of our abusers are not famous. They are not news worthy. Unless a victim is murdered, domestic abuse rarely rates above the crease news.
In this episode, Mickie presents her theory and opinion of society’s stance.
Please, join the conversation that abuse is real and we don’t have to live with it. Post hashtag #1in4domesticabuse. It does not mean you have experienced abuse. It does mean you are willing to bring domestic abuse out of the closet and into the light.
Learn more on my face book page Surviving Abuse Network
https://www.facebook.com/Surviving-Abuse-Network-137284130241322/
It’s the holiday season, right? And, the best way to resolve frustration, loneliness, anger, distress … holiday blues? Eat.
In “Eat, Pray and Love Yourself” Mickie tells an embarrassing story about the power of a box of chocolates had over her!
This time of year, we do set ourselves up for being hurt, disappointed, feeling like we don’t quite fit in, not included. Don’t you agree? What is it that causes those emotions?
Programmed Lessons; things we have been taught that control a lot of our reactions and feelings. We are able to change those Programmed Lessons and baby-steps are one way to begin shifting how we feel about and how much we choose to enjoy this holiday season.
Also, check out the private face book page, “Surviving Abuse Network” www.facebook.com/groups/1859821070960301/
You’ll find a really good recipe for Mulled Wine with Cranberries there, too!
Happy Holidays!
Since you left your abusive relationship, do your friends and family think you may have lost your mind? You had it all, right? Nice home, strong businesses, important jobs, a good relationship…well, that’s what it looked like.
Was it a mid-life crisis that spurred you to finally leave? I doubt it, but whatever it was, HURRAAAY!
Now you’re able to create the life you love. Change is exciting, and somewhat disconcerting. Choose to join groups and meet ups for business women. Find online groups. Decide to finally write that book, start painting again. “He won’t let me” isn’t a good excuse anymore, is it?
Join me on face book’s two pages, Surviving Abuse Network. One is an open page (it has the Survive Abuse logo and my pictures). The other is a private page, ask to join! It has a picture of a bird in its cage with the door wide open. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1859821070960301/
https://www.facebook.com/Surviving-Abuse-Network-137284130241322/
Thanks! See you there!
He was kind and caring, and then he turned mean and violent. He told me it was my fault he got so angry. I believed him for the longest time. I believed he wanted to change.
If you are a survivor of abuse, you have experienced all those emotions and beliefs. Each of us thinks we are unique; No one else would choose to live the way we did. Wrong!
Listen to the stories of 4 women who have escaped abuse. Pay attention to their statements about what they would say to others. Your story is not that unique. And, you are not alone. Abuse is real and we don’t have to live with it!
Somewhere in the recesses of our minds we feel guilty for having left our abuser...on some level you still love him; (even years later) you wonder how he’s doing.
We’re barreling toward another holiday season, and it’s easy to excavate only the good memories. The hurtful, nasty, unhappy holiday memories are buried pretty deep…and they aren’t fun to think about.
For support and inspiration this holiday season, take a look at Surviving the Holidays Mastermind at www.survivingabusenetwork.com/holidays
This time of year, it’s important to remind yourself why you left. And, don’t get sucked back in!
Today, Mickie talks about her early holiday experiences after leaving abuse and offers 9 tips from the National Domestic Abuse Hotline that may help maintain your emotional health through the holidays.
Listen to Patsy Wimmer's story of making some mistakes in her youth that led her into the arms of an abusive husband. Learn why she stayed for so long and what the final act was that caused her to say "No more!". Learn how she got out and ended up making it on her own and eventually reconciling with her children!
Would you tell a friend that it’s OK to be controlled by her husband, to be thrown against a wall, to cover bruises with make-up and long sleeves, to walk back into abuse again and again and again?
Of course not! So, why do we believe everything we think? In our minds, we make excuses, side step our reality, allow ourselves to remain in a damaging relationship. Those thoughts are lies; stop believing them.
Mickie shares the 5 steps that explain why we choose to believe everything we think, and how to change that process. It’s time to change our thoughts, emotions and actions. Then our results will be different. You can do this!
We rationalize until we can’t rationalize anymore. Sound familiar? If you’ve ever lived in abuse, you comprehend the reality of that statement. Mickie shares the story of an abused woman as reported to Huffington Post. It’s not Mickie’s story, it is Jessica’s; a woman whom, we hope, did the in-side work necessary to stay out of abusive relationships.
Our brains process 12,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. Our conscious mind processes 40 bits of information per second; our subconscious mind processes 40 Million bits of information per second! Mickie provides ideas and a fun experiment to learn how to be aware of your thoughts, and how to choose the ones that support your growth, safety and sanity. Listen and give it a try!
Abuse survivor and author, Amber Castleman, speaks her truth in this candid discussion with Mickie. Her new book His Love Hurts; How to Break Free from Your Abuser, and this open conversation with Surviving Abuse Podcast, chronicle Amber’s turbulent and seemingly helpless journey into, through and out of an abusive marriage. After listening to her story and her suggestions, Amber may be reached at amblecastleman.com or makeachangenow.le-vel.com
Mickie shares an anonymous story she found on line, a fabulous description of the emotions created by living in abuse, finally accepting the reality of the situation and the danger, emotion, and freedom of escaping. “Your real friends will listen to you endlessly complain, agonize and cry. They’ll watch in dismay as you smooth it over. If you’re extremely lucky, one of them might say “You sound like a battered wife”. “Do I?!!”, you ask out loud. And the reality of the statement blasts you out of your paralysis.
Everyone knows time is Money. I say time is Life. Mickie lived in abuse for 34 years. She “spent” a lot of her precious time living in fear and control; precisely 408 months, 1,768 weeks, 12,410 days! Even though it often feels this way, how we choose to use our time is not out of our control. Time is our most valuable non-renewable resource; how we use it is our choice. Hear some stories and gain some insight into not spending your time playing head-games about your life.
Mickie discovered an on-line list and description of emotions experienced by abused women. The information was created by Rape and Abuse Crisis Center and, along with their descriptions, Mickie adds her personal experiences and feelings associated with each emotion.
“It’s still amazing to me”, Mickie laments, “that we abused women try to save our marriages, make excuses for our abusers and are embarrassed to tell others about our life at home”. The emotional reality of abused women is a roller coaster!
For a little more than two years Mickie Zada consistently created weekly podcasts titled “The Second 53 Years” and “Figuring It Out After 50”. Since deciding to take her podcasts and business in the direction of addressing domestic abuse, “it’s been a while” since she’s consistently recorded podcasts.
In this episode of “Surviving Abuse” Mickie addresses the fear that has held her back. She admits that she talked-around her abuse in previous podcast shows and clarifies her intention to step through the fires of fear, speak her Truth and get back to creating weekly recordings.
In today's episode I get real. Real about my past. Real about my experiences. Listen to today's episode as I share why our mission has changed and I also share more of my story than you have ever heard.
Author of “Dream Weaver, Goal Achiever: A Step by Step Guide to Turning Your Dreams into Reality”, Barbara Brekke is also a professional speaker and a certified life coach. Growing up in a home with domestic violence, Barbara’s passion for guiding women in creating plans for changing their lives was born of watching her Mother survive in a horrible situation. Having created numerous new paths forward in her own life, Barbara walks her talk. Learn more and download her book “Dream Weaver, Goal Achiever” at www.gobeyondyourdreams.com
A resident of Squamish British Columbia, Janice Giesinger is a Telemark Skier, a former Mountain Bike racer and an avid motorcycle rider. A very small woman, she rides a very big motorcycle all over Canada and the U.S. and travels alone most of the time. Why? Because she can, she loves going fast and she enjoys a challenge.
You can read the full show notes at www.figuringitoutafter50.com
Recently, during a Tony Robbins seminar, Sabine Kvenberg walked on fire! An entrepreneur, business owner, author, singer/songwriter, coach and inspirational speaker, you’d expect this woman to be a hyper over-achiever. You’d be wrong!
Sabine is a wonderful storyteller who uses her many unique life experiences to illustrate the value and necessity for growth and self-awareness. ..especially for women Figuring It Out After 50.
Follow Sabine Kvenberg on facebook and check out her website www.SabineSpeaks.com.
85 year old Adrienne Dorfman has decided to change her Life…again! Her previous careers have been synchronistic and fulfilling. What turned out to be an inspiration to her daughters years later, Adrienne changed careers at 40, then at 50 she became an ordained Minister, now, at 85, she’s embarking on a career as a counselor. She figured out her next step into counseling while talking with me on “Figuring It Out After 50”! You get to listen to her thought process.
You can read the full blog post at www.figuringitoutafter50.com
If you in the process of moving from Where You Are to Who You Are then this conversation will help keep you on your path. Pat LaRosa is in the midst of creating her Third Childhood; she’s almost 60 years old. YAY Pat! She decided to follow her Passion, which happens to be creating wedding ceremonies based on the couples’ personal romantic story….and everyone has one! Pat’s advice to other women is to follow your passion, no matter your age, because you are so worth it! Learn more about Pat at www.SunriseSunsetweddings.com and you can contact her at sunrisesunsetweddings@yahoo.com
You can read the full blog post at www.figuringitoutafter50.com
The first time Mickie experienced expecting-Magic-and-it-happened was in 1964. The most recent occurrence was 18 months ago…and there are many instances in between. Positive thinking is a good thing, but it won’t create magic. Discover the missing ingredient and how to expect and create Magic in your life.
Do you believe that our personal resistance to the things we desire causes health issues? Mickie highlights a personal experience and questions whether she created it. Is high, positive Energy important in our lives? Does what we think effect our success and our health? All these ideas are addressed in less than 10 minutes. What do you think?
Attitude is the Master Key to life’s little locks. Mickie shares a story that will stick with her for a long, long time…reminding that response to situations is our Choice. After listening to this show, I bet you carry around a handful of shells, too.
Imagine the toothless grin of a baby…or the giggle of a two year old. If you have either image (or both) in your mind, I bet you’re smiling. Some people go through life without smiling much…I’m not one of them and I hope you’re not choosing to be either!
What do carpenter ants have to do with thought process? Listen and find out. Is “average” OK? Mickie’s Mom said it was so she didn’t strive to achieve more; Average was her limit. What we think creates who we are…and it creates the quality of our lives. Mickie explores how our Life Lessons, even when they don’t serve us well any longer, continue to affect how well we live our lives.
It’s amazing how everyday interactions affect our lives, long term. A recent interaction caused Mickie to wonder about people’s attitudes toward life. People with positive, joyful attitudes live in a healthy, safe world. People who are angry, sad and frustrated live in a dark and gloomy world. But it’s the same world. We choose our attitude toward life and create our reality. Here’s what happened…
I enjoy traveling to new places, seeing new things. But my favorite exploration is in my mind…Sure taking vacations to unfamiliar places, near our homes or on the other side of the world, that’s fun. Exploring people's definition of themselves, our beliefs about who we are, our personal warning system: That’s my favorite exploration.
You won't want to miss this episode, so please join us!
Quitting a six figure job to move to Key West couldn't be a mid-life crisis, could it? Actually, it was a mid-life discovery! Christy Haussler shares her journey from leaving her job, scaring herself to death and finally re-inventing herself to become the person she was always meant to be!
Laurie Holmes lives on Hilton Head Island. She had cataract surgery on Tuesday and Wednesday was told she had to evacuate her home because of Hurricane Matthew. In spite of all the upheaval, from a hotel room in Savannah, Laurie chose to be a podcast guest! Having already moved from Where she was to Who she is, Laurie and Mickie discussed human reaction to unexpected events and the choice we have to panic or accept our minute-to-minute reality with smiles on our faces and happy expectation.
Louise Rusinak is Mickie’s only long, long time friend; they met in 4th grade. Get the inside scoop while they talk about adventures from grade school through Who they’ve become today. Listen in as they jog your memories of good times with your girlfriends; Mickie gave Louise her first Beatles album; they bought Dr. Kildaire and BosaNova shirts together!! You get the idea…take a walk down Memory Lane with Mickie and Louise. Great fun!
Caroline Jasper’s Mom supported her artistic talent but encouraged her to become a teacher, as a solid source of income. She chose to teach art! And she became an art student. In fact, for Caroline, art became Life. After listening to this conversation you’ll be motivated to investigate her web site. Check it out! www.CarolineJasper.com
Jan Janke shares her personal experience in living “Every Day is a Wonderful Chance to Be What You’ve Dreamed”. Rather than sit around thinking and wishing for the things she wanted in her life, Jan learned to take action to create her dreams. A retired school teacher, Jan now hosts a Monday morning “Splash Call”. You’re invited to listen in: dial 605-475-3215 and access code 726853# at 7:30 a.m. Eastern Time…just 15 minutes and an inspiring way to begin your week.
Pat Monday shares her year of transformation from Where she was to Who she is; acceptance of not being happy, decisions about herself and her marriage and finally, living the Life she loves. This conversation takes us inside Pat’s inspiring story!
Need some inspiration? It’s right here! Just days into retirement, Louise’s husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. He passed away 2 years later. She didn’t sit back and feel sorry for herself. On the long nights when she couldn’t sleep, Louise planned fantasy trips. And, her survival therapy was to bring two of those trips to life; a trek on Camino de Santiago and immersion in an intense Spanish class in Spain. You’ll laugh and smile through this fun conversation!
Synchronicity is the result of meaningful coincidences; meaningful coincidences have created changes in Mickie’s podcast! No more playing small…Today she stood at a milestone in her Life and decided it was time, again, to move from Where she was to Who she is.
Muhammad Ali said “It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe.” Unhealthy life lessons, thoughts that undermine each of us reaching our true potential, are the pebbles in our shoes. Soon those pebbles become rocks that weigh us down on our climb to the summit of success. Mickie discusses those rocks each of us carry in our metaphoric backpack. She identifies three different types of people and how they deal with their rocks…which are you?
In this episode Mickie asks, “What happens when you decide to break those long-held life patterns…what if you decide NOT to live your life the way everyone else has.”
Everyone in your family smokes so you smoked. Everyone in your family went to college, so you went to college. Everyone in your family got married and had children, so you did, too. And, NOBODY got divorced.
The only thing consistent in life is change. Don’t let it freak you out!
For 25 years my guest, Tracy Dill, lived with eating disorders controlling her life. Hear this survivor describe waking every morning thinking she did not deserve to eat; her days consumed with thoughts of how to “get rid of” the food she did allow herself; constant validation, in her mind, for hours of exercise to burn “unnecessary” calories. Listen to how it all started and how Tracy moved from Where she was to Who she is. This is an eye-opening conversation.
Mickie uses her life experiences to illustrate the fact that the importance of achieving goals is about how we want to feel. It’s not about getting the new job or sculpting our bodies…it’s about how having that job or that “look” will make us feel. Here’s validation that setting a goal isn’t enough; emotion drives action and success.
Mickie’s youngest sister, Judi, is her guest. Together they explore memories and perceptions of their upbringing with ten years difference in their ages. Theirs was a PTA/stay at home Mom who did not drive, as Mickie grew up; she was a long working hours career Mom with pierced ears and a drivers license in Judy’s memory! Listen as they discuss different perspectives yet how their Second 53 Years are still quite similar.
One of the things dying people regrets that they didn’t allow themselves to be happy. Recent polls report that fewer people are happy now than in the past several years. But, it turns out that those of us over 50 are in the happiest group. Mickie discusses her reasoning behind this fact and shares a story about the discovery of the secret to happiness.
Life is more interesting if you don’t have all the answers…does that statement resonate with you? Those of us who are risk takers realize we don’t have all the answers…and that is both frightening and exhilarating! Mickie shares stories and ideas to inspire getting out of our comfort zone.
Mark Twain said “The older I get the more clearly I remember things that never happened.” We always remember life experiences a little differently than the way they originally happened. Mickie explores the possibility of remembering our stories in ways that empowers us!
It was Satchel Paige who said “Don’t Look Back…something might be gaining on you!” Mickie explores how our past, especially in our second 53 years, may be holding us back from creating the future we envision. Even past accomplishments and success can be allowed to hinder our future plans: an interesting perspective.
Mickie has known this week’s guest for about 10 years…Mickie has known her as Tammy. In Tammy’s personal evolution to move from Where she was to Who she is, she recently chose to change her name to Alex. Alex, like Mickie, could be a male name…it’s not about that. Alex is all woman…she’s chosen to move to a new town and make a fairly fresh start. As it happens, about 12 years ago Mickie legally changed her last name to one of her choice: Zada. What’s in a Name? A Lot!
I recently listened to Dan Buettner’s Ted Talk. Google it, if you’re interested in living a long, productive Life. You’ll be introduced to some very fascinating folks. You’ll also learn the lifestyle requirements to live to be 100+, while also being productive, self-sufficient, physically and emotionally healthy. Mickie recommends Mr. Buettner’s Ted Talk, and she fleshes out a couple of his recommendations.
Mickie’s friend, Jerome Braggs, is the author of an inspiring poem: the first line is “I’ve been broken 1000 times”. (Who of us hasn’t been? I know I can relate to that statement!) Mickie shares how the poem speaks to her Life experiences and decisions, and offers suggestions for you in lessons, growth and truth.
Mickie read that people in their 50’s and 60’s are no longer concerned with what other people think about them: they are wise enough to know that other people don’t think about them much anyway! Concern about what other people think is perfectly normal at any age…if you sometimes wonder about other people’s opinions of you, Mickie offers 7 suggestions to stop those thoughts.
Mickie interviews an inspiring and motivational woman who refused to let challenges define her. Hear her story of leaving her homeland behind and moving to a place where she didn't even speak the language. This is the story of the six foot lion!
Listen to bits and pieces of Mickie’s life story. Life is what we make it; our choices do create our Reality; Stay open to nudges from the Universe (God). Mickie says, since she was 3 years old, she “always knew this adventure we call Life would be a success”, but not without some setbacks, hurts and disappointments. Choose to consider how your experiences have created who you are today.
Mickie isn’t sure why the Google article about gracefully turning 60 made her so angry. Discussing the article’s 11 suggestions and her thoughts about them helped her realize aging gracefully is really about choosing to live our Real Lives.
When a great opportunity comes along, we usually say “Yeah But…that won’t work because….” Mickie shares life experiences that have created who she is today; how they hindered her growth and how she chose to out-grow them. Don’t wait for things to get easier, simpler, better, you’ll run out of time.
Don’t turn away from this show, just because you’re not a golfer!
(The things Mickie talks about apply to non-golfers, too!) This podcast idea is the result of one unusual round of golf…She addresses life changing on a dime, women’s determination to succeed (good enough vs Type A), and integrity.
95% of women don’t ever take charge of their lives….Mickie thought she was in the 5%: A visit to a personal trainer shook that belief. She learned a shocking Reality and that Truth created a huge challenge. Keeping her eye on the horizon, on her goal…she explains how the gremlins of doubt and self-sabotage will not derail her focus on better health.
Mementoes are a reminder of a time that gave us joy, and truly precious mementoes will never vanish…not from our homes, not from our minds.
It’s time to get rid of those things that no longer serve us…in our homes and in our minds. Mickie gives you suggestions for deciding what to keep and what to let go.
It's a realization that can take awhile to sink in. We are all aging. However, in this episode, Mickie Zada turns the tables on her age and learns to celebrate all the years and the wonderful things that have come into her life!
I wasn’t at Woodstock; I didn’t ride a Freedom bus; I didn’t participate in sit ins to protest Vietnam. As a “53-year-er” I am part of the Generation to experience the first man on the moon, the first computers and easy, safe birth control.
We are the next Generation to transition, to pass….to die. Are we leaving the world in a better or worse condition than we inherited from our parents?
The answer is a resounding…. I don’t know!
Can you identify women who have inspired your life…encouraged you to become who you are at your core? Mickie introduces you to five women who helped shine the light on invisible bridges at the end of her dead end streets. She also shares the traits she has identified to help each of us be more inspiring to others.
If you're looking to create joy in your life, you really don't have to look very far or spend a ton of money. Today, Mickie Zada shares 5 easy ways to create more joy in your life, and the good news is that you can get started today.
Liking Yourself…A Rebellious Act?
Mickie and Jan Janke discuss the possibility that in today’s society, liking yourself may be considered a rebellious act. Advertising tells us we aren’t “enough” without their products and those messages are often implanted in our minds. Listen and gain some insight and a few usable ideas to joyfully embrace Who you are.
"Never stop looking for what's not there," is the advice that Morgan Freeman's character Monte Wildhorn, in the movie The Magic of Belle Isle, gives to the little girl he has been mentoring. It’s an inspiring movie with powerful life lessons. At one point in her life, Mickie wanted to “see what’s not there” and she found herself!
Listen to the story of Karen Stillie BC and AC, (before and after cancer). After 20 years as an engineer, her cancer diagnosis caused Karen to question how she spent her 86,400 seconds each day. Inspiring and empowering, hear her tell Mickie how she moved from using her left to her right brain: from engineer to health consultant.
In the midst of her life change, my guest was told by her dying friend to “Change the Paradigm”. She wasn’t sure what “paradigm” meant, but discovered he was challenging her to change her mode, her pattern, the way she was doing things. He challenged her to do something different. And she did. And her Life changed. Tune in and enjoy! Mari McNeil’s story is intriguing…and emotional…and inspiring.
No matter our age, it’s likely that there is an exciting aspect of our future that is locked inside us. Did you recently retire and now find yourself watching more TV than you thought you would? Stop it! Listen to your thoughts, your desires, and get going…create the future you want to Live. Mickie tells several stories of successful “Second 53 Year-ers”, provides 9 suggestions for success and shares some of the fun “impossible” activities she’s tackled and survived.
Mickie introduces you to stories of people you know who have not accepted status quo or other peoples’ opinions to stagnate or destroy their success.
You’ll also hear six goal setting rules from Brian Tracy. Bring your pad and paper and be prepared to take notes. Also bring your belief that you can achieve your goals and be successful. Just apply what you learn.
Your attitude and the amount of fun you have in your life are choices. Zest is an attitude of enthusiasm and energy; would you like more of those attributes in your life? Hear the 7 things that may be holding you back from living your life with more fun and zest. Also, take the VIA Signature Strength Survey to discover the strengths most dominant in your life right now.
https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register
Mickie Zada comes to realize the power of the beads in her life and along the way discovers they have been used for thousands of years to calm our minds and focus our attention.
One partner changing and the other not is quite a common occurrence within “The Second 53 Years” crowd. Kids are grown, retirement is on the horizon (or already your lifestyle). Have you looked at your long-time spouse and wondered “Who is this person I’m living with?” A story about wandering the Forrest of Life provides insights, poses questions and offers suggestions to consider.
Have you ever learned one little thing that totally changed the way you think or respond to a situation? It’s not something you ever forget, is it? Mickie will reveal a quick and easy way to do just that…and it’s so easy even youngsters “get it”. What can you do right now that will improve your attitude and your energy? Discover the “The Game Changer”.
Host Mickie Zada shares her perspective on the past and the why there is still hope for all of us.
When someone asks directions, the first question you ask is “Where Are You Now?” Mickie provides a tool to discover your beginning point in achieving Balance in your Life. In fact, you will have a unique model of what balance looks like for you. Bring your paper and pen and have fun!
Your truth is something many people may claim to be able to direct you to. But your path to your truth is something only you can decide. Mickie shares a story to illustrate the point perfectly.
Mickie introduces you to four women who have chosen to change their results by changing their story. One is a young woman who moved from an early career in finance to the owner/operator of a craft rum distillery (! ) and another is a 100 year old yoga instructor who lives in Scotland. Each story illustrates that Changing our Story is not easy but it is worth the effort.
Create the Life you Love…we have more freedom now that we’re over 50!
We’ve discovered Our Style, we’ve learned to depend on ourselves and we’re no longer tied to a car pool or “acting our age”!
Mickie shares some of her personal experiences and provides baby-steps to help you choose to enjoy living in your Second 53 Years.
In this episode, Mickie gathers her girlfriends to share some of their most comical Thanksgiving memories. We all know that disasters that happen around the holidays leave a treasured footprint on our minds! So grab a drink and sit back and relax and enjoy these hilarious stories!
We women have been conditioned to be enablers, to be sure everyone in our lifw is taken care of, happy, fed, loved. Often taking care of others is detrimental to our own well being.
Listen to my guest, Jan Janke, talk about her Life Mission and how she learned it’s not her job to scrub, clean and disinfect those she loves….it’s not yours either.
Jan hosts a Monday morning (7:30 to 7:45 a.m. EASTERN time) Splash Call. Write down this number: 605-475-3215 access code 726853. After listening to this interview, you’re going to want to call in to Jan’s Splash Call.
You know what it feels like…you’ve had it before. If you’re not living in happiness now you just need to start over. You don’t want a boring life to replay every single day, do you? Any action is better than no action, especially if you’ve been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. Here are some suggestions.
A recent government survey shows that in 2003 13% of those who wed were age 45 and older. Tellingly, Newsweek retracted its much touted claim about women over 40 having a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than getting married.
I am waaay over 45 and I’m getting married this week! Here’s our story…
Joann Melton is a survivor…she is now 100% pancreatic cancer free and has regained 100% of her kidney function. In the dark of night she reminded herself, “I can’t die now…my house is a mess!” and “I can’t die now…I have no life insurance”. Listen to her miraculous story of personal growth and survival.
One of the “Big Deals” with being in our second 53 years is determining our fashion statement. Our Style. Do you listen to the fashion gurus and wear only designer clothes; do you wear clothes that make you look younger; OR do you not give a rip anymore if you have any consistent style at all?
Each of these considerations are discussed and some suggestions are made for deciding which clothes in your closet to keep and which to pass along to someone else.
One of the fun things about being over 50 is that we find more “Me time”.
There was a year when I did one brand new thing, something I had never done before, once a week…52 new things!
This episode discusses some things I’ve done and some that I am willing to try, based on a Huffington Post list of 50 things people over 50 can do the year of their Half-Century Birthday.
See the entire list in this week’s Blog Post at www.TheSecond53Years.com
In this episode Mickie asks, “What happens when you decide to break those long-held life patterns…what if you decide NOT to live your life the way everyone else has.”
Everyone in your family smokes so you smoked. Everyone in your family went to college, so you went to college. Everyone in your family got married and had children, so you did, too. And, NOBODY got divorced.
The only thing consistent in life is change. Don’t let it freak you out!
From traditional roles of wife and Mom to successful entrepreneur, Carolyn Brown offers sage advice and theories to seriously consider while on our growth path.
After becoming a single Mom and embarking on a successful real estate career, Carolyn discovered direct sales… because her identity became that of a Realtor, though, when she decided to change careers, she wondered “Who is Carolyn Brown if not a realtor?”
In building her business she learned the value of allowing others to help her (a giant lesson for most women) and she learned it’s the space between the notes that makes the music.
If you have questions after listening to this podcast, contact Carolyn at cbrown@successteama.com
In this episode, Mickie Zada shares some ways to embrace change and them importance role it can play in determining whether we are growing into all that we are supposed to become.
“The Girl on the Right”
Have you made outside-the-norm choices for your life? Do you long to do something meaningful, even though you’re in your “second 53 years”? All you need is a little inspiration and some encouragement to take that first baby step? This is the podcast for you!
This episode is inspired by a face book graphic…several little girls in ballet class paying attention to the teacher, but “the girl on the right” is hanging upside down on the barre by her knees! The caption is: “Be like the girl on the right”.
Research led me to four women who chose paths not traveled by their peers: Agree with their politics or not, they lived “girl on the right” lives!
Juliett Gordon Low: Founder of the Girl Scouts
http://www.biography.com/people/juliette-gordon-low-20766743
Maggie Kuhn: Founder of The Gray Panthers
http://www.britannica.com/biography/Maggie-Kuhn
Carry Nation
http://www.britannica.com/biography/Carry-Nation
Peace Pilgrim
http://www.npr.org/2013/01/01/168346591/peace-pilgrims-28-year-walk-for-a-meaningful-way-of-life
At 47 Sheri Bush ran her first half-marathon and was struck with an epiphany that “running would become a huge part of her life”. At that moment she moved from Where she was to Who she is! Today Sheri is one of 2 American women to have completed all 6 Major World Marathons…and she has goals to complete before she’s 60! Running may not be your thing…it’s sure not mine! Sheri’s story will inspire you to live YOUR life!
“Test the Strength of the Rope”
You’ve seen that horse on face book, tethered to blue plastic chair? Well, like that horse, we are all tethered to something we could walk away from…except we are held by our conditioning! In this discussion, learn ways to discover what’s holding you in places you’ve outgrown.
In this episode, Mickie shares her journey from a marriage of 34 years, to being on her own and responsible for her own finances and well-being. Although the journey has had it's low points, Mickie has learned valuable lessons that she has carried with her. Mickie also talks about the motivation for the podcast and why it is such an amazing accomplishment for her.
In this episode, Mickie shares her journey from a marriage of 34 years, to being on her own and responsible for her own finances and well-being. Although the journey has had it's low points, Mickie has learned valuable lessons that she has carried with her. Mickie also talks about the motivation for the podcast and why it is such an amazing accomplishment for her.
“Be willing to learn new skills” is the advice Jennifer Powell offers women considering a life change. Jennifer walks her talk: A former physical education teacher and Dolphin Research Center educator, Jennifer is now an accomplished facilitator, mediator, coach, presenter and a certified international tour director, leading tours in Cuba! Contact Jennifer at http://www.ReflectionsCoaching.net or jjpowell440@gmail.com
In this episode, Lynette Renda shares her story of finding herself in a career she wasn't thrilled about. She recognizes that her discontent with her career led her to continue searching for what she was really passionate about. Lynette shares what she is doing now, and how she got from there to here!
Everyone has to deal with the gap at some point. Minding the gap is all about growing into the person you were meant to be and living the life you have always wanted. Mickie shares her journey across the gap and the lessons she has learned.
In this episode of the Second 53 Years, Kara Oh talks about her reinvention! Despite having a varied business background, Kara found herself drawn towards her passion, through a series of circumstances. Her divorce was not the end of her career. She used it as the catalyst for the best phase of her life!
In today's episode, Mickie interviews 2 ladies that have just returned from the trip of a lifetime! They originally planned a 10 day trip and before they knew it, it turned into 25 days and the trip of a lifetime! Listen to their story of adventure!
Quitting a six figure job to move to Key West couldn't be a mid-life crisis, could it? Actually, it was a mid-life discovery! Christy Haussler shares her journey from leaving her job, scaring herself to death and finally re-inventing herself to become the person she was always meant to be!
Who am I to do this??!!
“Who am I, if not a teacher?” Often our career identifies us. The three retired teachers you are about to meet are now successful in other arenas, their stories are diverse and fun!
The Law of Attraction is a Universal Law and it is always working, just like gravity!
Anna, Jan and Linda are three of my like-minded friends who agreed to share their after-retirement-career-adventures!
Anna Unkovich: “Once you have a thought, you can’t un-think it!”
**Anna has quite a story of transformation AND guts! This woman walked straight up to Chicken Soup for the Soul guru, Jack Canfield, pitched her idea and then asked if he was going to call her, or is she calling him??? And, that is not the most phenomenal accomplishment by this amazing woman.
A teacher once told her she had the “creativity of a cow!” Can you imagine? Since retirement she has become a judged artist, a published author of books (besides the Chicken Soup for the Soul), and she walked on 36 feet of hot coals!**
“After retirement we each have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves and we are finding ourselves in exciting places!”
Contact Anna Unkovich at http://www.AnnaUnkovich.com
Jan Janke: “I’ve moved from grumbling to grateful!”
The next woman you’re going to meet is Jan Janke. Jan may be the most enthusiastic person I have ever me. She lives her passion and her Mission…and she has inspired lots and lots of women to do the same…Jan is my Splashy friend!
Jan retired from teaching without a plan for what would happen next. She endured a stressful year, losing both parents within a few months time, and with the ending of her career, she felt lost as a person.
One of Jan’s coaches once made a statement that changed her life. He said there are two ways to be a victim:
(1) a “poor me” mentality (not Jan)
(2) not creating the life you want to live (definitely Jan at the time!)
Eventually embarking on a personal growth path, Jan excavated her Life Mission which was to “Splash God’s love and joy on everyone”. She created a concept for a weekly Monday Morning inspirational telephone call which, after a slow beginning because of procrastination, is now in its fourth year. She also became a certified coach.
Each of us has endured the dreaded mind-talk asking “Who am I to do this??” Jan’s story will help you get past that block… her enthusiastic attitude and upbeat belief in herself and others is contagious.
Linda Maune: “Where’s Linda?”
Last but not least is a woman I admire tremendously, Linda Maune. She had the inner strength and determination to leave a job she loved….teaching…to live a life she loves…teaching scuba in the Florida Keys. And, she has recently embarked on another brand new career as a National Tour Guide!
We often play a game called “Where’s Linda” (instead of Where’s Waldo). She could be in Philadelphia on a tour, the Cayman Islands on a scuba trip or at her home, nesting as she calls it, in Missouri.
A teacher at heart, Linda’s experiences as a scuba instructor and as a newly licensed National Tour Guide, are both inspiring and humorous.
Listen to the end of this interesting conversation to discover who walked on hot coals!
“What is it that you love to do?”
Dr. Manal Fakhoury is President and CEO of Fakhoury Leadership International; she also serves as a beacon of inspiration for women stepping into doing what they love to do.
Quoting Warren Buffet, “Investing in yourself if the best thing you can do”, Dr. Fakhoury walks her talk. She is President of Toastmasters and Rotary, both organizations dedicated to personal growth and achievement, is a graduate of Leadership Florida and invests in many seminars and women’s conferences, and facilitates many others.
A key statement in her interview was “You don’t have to have certification to provide value. Most women don’t understand that and we use lack of education and certification as an excuse to play small”. Isn't that powerful to think about?
One of Manal Fakhoury’s achievements was hiking Mount Kilimanjaro. The story about how that came about is both inspiring and funny! Her climb became inspired by Climb of Hope, and her climbing group helped two young amputees make the ascent up Mount Kilimanjaro.
Dr. Fakhoury may be reached at myfli.com or Info@myfli.com
In this introductory episode, Mickie shares the story of Rosie. Rosie left an unfulfilling life and started all over. Listen to find out what Rosie and Mickie have in common!