Anything that we do as parents is really fine, as long as we're being kind and loving.  –Mia Moran On this episode of the PlanSimple Podcast, I’m sharing 10 of the most important parenting concepts I’ve learned and implemented over the past 18 years. I’ve picked these up from different places — which I credit as I go. Some came easily and some took a while to figure out and untangle, but all of them have made a difference to me as a mother and to my family.

Family dinner is non-negotiable.

I got this one from my mom and dad. And while I focus a lot on food here, the concept of family dinner is not about food, but about the company and the connection it brings. Family dinner provides a connecting point at the end of the day and a landing pad for love. When you make family dinner a regular thing, it provides consistency when life may otherwise feel chaotic. It becomes part of the rhythm of your days.

We don't have to "fix.”

This concept started with my own  intuition and got refined and solidified by my work with Kim John Payne. More recently this idea was backed by my conversation with Trace Bell. Often when we are trying to fix something, we are trying to fix something in our own past, and also trying to fix takes us away from really listening. Often what kids need is not for us to solve a problem or make something better, but to witness their experience. That can be done with listening eyes or questions. One tool that we use, usually at family dinner, is roses and thorns. Each person shares something good from their day, something hard from the day or something they are worried about tomorrow, and something they are looking forward to.

You don’t have to go to every game.

Right now after 18 months of missing things—games and performances and school events—we may feel like we should go to everything. It is great to go to a game or other event and be fully present, but it’s not always easy. Michael Thompson taught me that there is value in having a kid tell you about their experience, because you are present in a different way. I started going when I could really be present and listening to the amazing stories the rest of the time, full present at the dinner table. (Notice how the dinner table keeps popping up?)

Talk about sex openly and early. 

Does talking about sex feel uncomfortable? Does it feel too early? You want to be the one your kids talk to about sex (and any of the hard things to talk about sex, our bodies, money, drugs, alcohol ... ). Dr. Sharon Maxwell said that if you haven’t told your kid about sex in second grade, you are too late. If you’re too late, don’t worry, I was too, but make a plan to talk and set yourself up as the established and trusted source.

Hugs have power.

A small but meaningful addition to my parenting tool box was delivered in a story by Danielle Laporte. I knew that hugs were important, but she talked about hugging her tween son for at least 20 seconds, and I thought that sounded like a looong hug. So I started counting and realized how much I was rushing hugs. A 20-second hug is one you can land in, unrushed, and be present.

Self-care and adult time are essential. 

I grew up in the South in New Orleans where self-care was modeled in manicures, pedicures, getting hair done. My parents modeled the self-care of adult time. They’d take trips without us, go on dates, go to gatherings without kids. Later I learned what self-care really means. It can be cheaper and simpler than what I grew up with. It can be peeing instead of holding it in, working so cashflow isn’t a problem, standing up and taking a deep breath after slouching in front of a computer, going to bed instead of watching a movie (or sometimes snuggling and connecting while watching the movie). Self-care is responding to what you need in the now. One resource I love for self-care is The Art of Self Nurturing by my...