Show Notes:
Welcome to season 2 of Behind the Line! We are kicking off this season with a big topic: suicide prevention in the workplace for First Responders & Front Line Workers. As we head into this series, I anticipate it will bring up some discomfort, and possibly some grief for those who have been impacted by the loss of co-workers or others due to suicide. Today’s episode will cover some of the requisite skills we’re going to need as we walk into this topic together for the coming month. I’ve included some additional resources and tools for each week of this series, so come back to the show notes to find more, and please share this series with others in your life.
Friday September 10th is Suicide Prevention Day – learn more about First Responder trauma and suicide risk prevention here.
During this episode I identify the high risks for First Responders and Front Line Workers in developing increasingly complex mental health concerns and risk for suicide as a result of burnout and related difficulties. If you haven’t yet, please check out our Beating the Breaking Point Indicators Checklist & Triage Guide for self-assessing burnout and risks for related concerns. Share this resource within your workplace and to those you know in First Response and Front Line work.
As we navigate into this difficult topic, today’s episode focuses on four key pre-requisite skills that we’ll need firmly in place to go through this series together: Clarity; Boundaries; Bravery and Empathy. For each of these we identify what it is, how it relates to suicide risk prevention, and ways to practically integrate each skill starting NOW.
Clarity. Clarity can seem like a fairly simple and straightforward concept – to be clear about something. But the challenge with clarity is that it doesn’t come without some effort. Clarity doesn’t tend to just land in our lap – it requires that we carve out some space and time to shut out the noise and focus in. We need to get clear, we don’t just stumble into it. To work on our wellness and develop skills to reduce the risk for suicide and the mental health concerns that tend to lead toward suicide, we need to cultivate a routine to stepping back from the noise and chaos to get clear about the challenges we’re facing, the impacts those challenges are having on our wellness and our lives, the needs we may have in the midst of these challenges, and the strategies for supporting these needs by using or developing supports, resources and tools. I say often that we can’t address problems we aren’t aware of – this is what clarity is really about – seeing what is happening, getting clear on breaking it down and figuring out what needs to happen to reduce or resolve it.
Feeling caught in a never-ending spiral of meeting unreasonable demands from our employer and the public, mixed with sacrificing so much of ourselves to the work, along with the detrimental impact this tends to gradually have on our relationships with spouses, children, family and friends can set us on a trajectory toward hopelessness, helplessness and powerlessness - and this is a dangerous combination. Prioritizing time for clarity and working to anchor to the things we value and leaning into being the person who lives out our values can be protective - it can help divert us from the trajectory and keep us rooted to hope, connection, and empowerment.
So how do we implement clarity? Start by doing two things – first, download our Beating the Breaking Point Indicators Checklist and Triage Guide– print off several copies of the self-assessment page. Next, set aside some time in your calendar on a monthly basis to start. Each month during this time, use the self-assessment to see where you’re at. Use this to ask yourself some key questions about the areas where you seem to be struggling and what you can do to help support those areas more proactively for the coming month. If you want to dive even deeper, have your spouse/partner or a trusted person in your life fill out the assessment as they see you and ask for their feedback on ways you may need to be focusing on supporting your wellness differently. This is a practical way you can start carving out time and space for clarity and a structured tool that can help prompt questions to kick things off. As you feel more comfortable and confident in this process, you can grow your questions to consider additional areas of your life not covered in the indicators checklist to further refine your clarity as it pertains to your life and the person you want to be within it.
Boundaries. We talk a lot about boundaries out there in the world. It’s one of those topics that we’re really good at paying lip service to but tend to be less skilled at actually meaningfully engaging. Boundaries often bring up fears for people about offending or hurting other people’s feelings; worries about creating distance in relationships and alienating people in our lives. It also tends to bring up stuff in our culture about humility, self-deprecation and servitude and believing we need to be giving and gracious towards others. That said, they say that you can't pour from an empty cup, and it's true. If we don't set limits to protect our cup and what's in it, it will quickly be dumped out and run dry. And then what? Then we are at higher risk for burnout, compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, posttraumatic stress, anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and yes, suicide.
Boundaries have two pieces:
Internal Boundaries: these are limits I set with myself. Limits like, I'll only stay at an event for an hour to ensure I'm home in time to get the rest I need; I'll only pick up shifts a maximum of twice in a month to ensure that I value my days off and carve out "me time"; and so on. These are boundaries that I may never speak outside of my own head, but are limits I set within myself to identify what I value and how I will go about reflecting that value and protecting it from getting swayed by things outside of my values.
External Boundaries: these are more like the classic boundaries we think of that we set outwardly with other people. It may include boundaries with co-workers about our willingness to engage in debriefs, or limits with others in our lives around the questions they ask about our work (eg, "have you ever shot somebody?"), or a million and one other examples of limits that need to be set to teach those in our lives how to respect us well and care for our values alongside us.
When we engage in identifying areas where we need boundaries (internal AND external), and when we work at enacting these consistently to protect what matters to us, we get to lean into what matters to us more and more, and feel less and less constrained by distractions and needs that aren't our priority. We get to live more of the lives we long for, and this helps to protect us from some of the hard things I mentioned earlier, like burnout, compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and concerns leading to suicide.
To implement this skill, I want you to find some time and make a short-list of people who tend to overstep your boundaries or ask a lot of you; or situations where boundaries would help protect your time, energy and values. It’s a short-list, so keep it to the top 5 for now. You can revisit this and change the list down the road. Out of your short-list choose one or two boundaries to focus on for the coming week. My suggestion is not to choose the hardest one to start – allow yourself a couple of smaller wins in the boundary setting arena before you try to conquer something bigger or with someone you perceive as riskier to set a boundary with. Remember that external boundaries can be set kindly, and that ultimately clear is kind – it allows everyone to be set up for success in having shared expectations that feel reasonable and sustainable.
Bravery. The thing I think is magical about bravery is that it isn't about the absence of fear or uncertainty or anxiety - it actually can't exist without those things. Bravery is defined by the existence of fear. It is the doing, engaging, being, showing up, IN SPITE OF fear, uncertainty and so on. You can't have it without the shit. Which means we all have an invitation to be brave, because let's face it, we all have shit going down.
Talking about suicide is uncomfortable for most people, and when you've had any exposure to suicide it becomes more complex and riddled with a mixture of feelings that can shut us down. We need to be able to be brave to jump into this topic together.
Being brave doesn't mean ignoring what comes up for us. Whether it's in your daily life, your work, or this upcoming series, your fears and anxieties are indicators that need to be heard and used to meaningfully direct your coping, self-care and wellness actions. Bravery is not being self-sacrificial... that's more like martyrdom. In part, bravery is knowing what we need and engaging this despite the fact that this might be counter-cultural. It might mean setting boundaries or limiting exposure. Being brave as we embark on our series this month may mean setting aside time to listen and process what comes up rather than skip it altogether or rush through and not make meaning of it. It might mean setting limits around when, how or who you listen with. It might mean spacing out listening or choosing not to listen if it feels too triggering to engage the topic for now.
In terms of implementing, be brave and advocate for you. Not only as we enter into this series, but as we consider what leads first responders and front line workers to the place of suicide. Be brave in addressing your needs before you're so thick in the weeds that it feels impossible to get out. Be brave in seeking support and asking for help. Be brave in identifying your limits and voicing your boundaries to protect yourself from being drowned by the demands of others. Try to consider one area to focus on bravery this coming week.
Empathy. While most people know the word empathy, and perhaps feel able to practice it in some spaces, it tends to be a bit more complicated than we might imagine.
We are familiar with the idea of offering empathy to others. Listening, holding space, being nonjudgmental, working to care from our own place of experience that allows us to share in someone else’s emotions... It takes time and energy and a willingness to offer of ourselves to go there with someone. We do it because they are worth it, we value them, we genuinely care.
But what happens when we need to offer ourselves empathy? Do we have the same capacity to value ourselves, carve out space to hold for ourselves, to really listen to our own needs and feelings, and to engage these non-judgmentally? That one tends to be trickier.
What does this have to do with suicide risk prevention? The truth is that if you work in first response or front line work, you more likely than not have exposure to someone (often many) who have attempted or completed suicide in your workplace. The statistics are staggering and are projected to get worse as we face the long-term consequences of the pandemic and the opioid crisis on those serving on the front lines.
You are at risk.
I know that may sound dramatic, but I promise it isn't. I also promise that the differences between you and those who have attempted or completed suicide are not as significant as you might hope or imagine. We like to think that "those people" face serious mental health concerns, addiction issues, or have other substantial reasons for ending their lives. Meanwhile, the truth is that while these pieces can inform suicide, they don't come from nowhere. They gradually build to the point that we lose control, and it can sneak up on us. Any of us.
Holding empathy is a key skill for navigating this series on suicide prevention, and it will be a key skill for engaging in some of the processes we'll discuss within the series to protect ourselves and those we work with.
Being able to take time to extend empathic care for co-workers and those you see impacted within the work is a valuable resource you can offer to protect those you work alongside. Being able to take time to extend empathic care for yourself is an even more important capacity, as it allows you more to give to others (a better quality of you) and it serves to protect you from some of the risks of getting too far down the rabbit hole without a way to dig back out.
A few ways to start working on empathy for self?
Set aside time. Sit with yourself without distractions and consider how you're doing. What are you struggling with lately? Where do you expend energy? What do you wish were different in your life? What do you love about your life? Sounds a little like growing clarity, don’t you think?
Consider the answers to these questions and hear them non-judgmentally. Consider what needs emerge from the answers to these questions.
Work to address the needs with a heart of caring for you.
Engage in general self-care and wellness practices
Review this process regularly.
Episode Challenge:
Engage in the implementation exercises described above to work on building your clarity, boundaries, bravery and empathy skills.
Share with your workplace, union, colleagues and friends about this podcast series and additional resources – help us to make inroads for change and wellness for First Responders and Front Line Workers. Behind the Line can be found on most major podcast platforms, as well as at our website.
Check out our Beating the Breaking Point Indicators Checklist & Triage Guide, or go deeper with our Beating the Breaking Point online training program.
Additional Resources:
Suicide Prevention Additional Resource Links
Center for Suicide Prevention – Article for First Responders here.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) – Article on Suicide Risk for First Responders here.
BC First Responders’ Mental Health – Crisis Information here.
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