CONTROL ISSUES

In the Garden of Eden, Satan used the power of the spoken word to entice Eve. Unintentionally, when she and Adam had a conversation about Satan’s idea, she advanced the kingdom of death through her spoken words. God said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’; cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you will eat of it all the days of your life” (Genesis 3:17, NASB). Satan didn’t bring death to Eve by biting her and releasing poisonous venom or by wrapping his coils around her and squeezing the life out of her. He simply talked her to death. She then proceeded to talk Adam to death by discussing the evil idea. Can you see how important it is to control our words?

Controlling what we say requires us to tame that part of ourselves that contains the power of life and death: our tongues. Read the statements below and consider the effect these words can have on someone’s life:

“We all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.”—James 3:2

Some of our greatest hurts and heartaches come from what people have said to us. Conversely, some of our greatest memories center on positive things that people have said to us, like the phrase, “I love you.” Those are wonderful words to hear, but for some of us, they are hard to say, even to those we love. Our words can either tear others down or build them up.

Think of all the conversations you have in a given day. Do the words that come out of your mouth reflect what you say you believe in your heart? As Christians, our words and actions should reflect our love for God. If they don’t, it’s important to discover where our hearts and our words are not matching up. Jesus’ brother, James, makes the argument that if you say you are a Christian and that you love God, but your attitude and actions reflect something different, you may fall into the category of the deceived. James 3:2 reminds us that we can control ourselves in every way if we can control our tongues.

Read the statements below and consider the effect these words of life or words of death can have on someone’s life:

WORDS OF LIFE

I love you.
You’re such a blessing! You look great.
You’re hired.
You’re my best friend. I’m giving you a raise. I see potential in you. You’re so smart.
You make me happy. You’ll do great.
You did your best.
I forgive you.
I do!

WORDS OF DEATH

I hate you.
I wish you had never been born. You’ve gained weight.
You’re fired.
You were a mistake.
You’ll never amount to anything. You’re so lazy.
You’re stupid.
You’re selfish.
You’re a waste.
It’s all your fault.
I never should have married you. I want a divorce.

TONGUE-TIED

The book of James goes on to talk about the power of the tongue, our spoken words. In chapter three, James tells us that the tongue can defile the whole body, and he uses three vivid images to help us see his point:

• A Bit: The tongue is petite, weighing only about two ounces, but it is powerful. Like the small piece of metal used to steer horses, the tongue can control the direction of our lives. (See James 3:3).
• A Rudder: Although ships are typically large and driven by strong winds, they are steered by this very small blade. Too often we focus on the big things and forget that this one little issue of the tongue could determine the direction of our lives. The tongue can control us, or we can use it to control our destiny. (See James 3:4).
• A Spark: A spark, though caused by a quick strike, can set off a wildfire. In the same way, what we say might be curt but can be consuming. Some of the most hurtful things that we have said or that have been said to us were sharp one- liners—or even just one word. The one who said them may quickly forget these abrupt, rude statements, but the impact has a lasting effect on the person who receives them. (See James 3:5).

Thousands of acres of forest can be destroyed by a fire that hundreds of firefighters cannot extinguish. Similarly, the tongue can cause destruction beyond belief.

While at times words can be petty and seemingly insignificant, they can also be poisonous. Careless words often cause great harm. Imagine a scene with a child who is struggling to read, while a frustrated and worried parent hears the child twist the words day after day. Finally, after losing all patience, the parent screams, “What’s wrong with you? You can’t read!” Those words could easily make the child feel stupid and give up trying altogether. Thoughtless words can have a lasting effect that could change the course of a person’s life and cause widespread destruction.

Read James 3:7–8 and rewrite verse 8 in your own words.