It’s almost time for a new year, a concept we destroy wholly with Calendar 2.0, the Cal-Ender. Why maintain both distance and time when we could just use the same units for both? Eric drops an esoteric The Killers reference. We determine that inducing a humanity-wide seven-segment hallucination is a cool and good thing to do, because all other calendar systems are the laserdisc of time-keeping, and we are the EXTRA-THICC VHS tape.