In 1906, when Teddy Roosevelt endorsed a plan to simplify the spelling of difficult words, Englishman Harry Graham offered a scheme of his own:

When Theo: Roos: unfurled his bann:

As Pres: of an immense Repub:

And sought to manufact: a plan

For saving people troub:

His mode of spelling (termed phonet:)

Affec: my brain like an emet:

And I evolved a scheme (pro tem.)

To simplify my mother-tongue,

That so in fame I might resem:

Upt: Sinc:, who wrote “The Jung:”

And rouse an interest enorm:

In conversational reform.

I grudge the time my fellows waste

Completing words that are so comm:

Wherever peop: of cult: and taste

Habitually predom:

‘Twould surely tend to simpli: life

Could they but be curtailed a trif:

For is not “Brev: the soul of Wit”?

(Inscribe this mott: upon your badge)

The sense will never suff: a bit,

If left to the imag:

Since any pers: can see what’s meant

By words so simp: as “husb:” or “gent:”

When at some meal (at dinn: for inst:)

You hand your unc: an empty plate,

Or ask your aunt (that charming spinst:)

To pass you the potat:,

They have too much sagac:, I trust,

To give you sug: or pepp: or must:

If you require a slice of mutt:

You’ll find the selfsame princ: hold good,

Nor get, instead of bread and butt:,

Some tapioca pudd:,

Nor vainly bid some boon-compan:

Replen: with Burg: his vacant can.

At golf, if your oppon: should ask

Why in a haz: your nib: is sunk,

And you explain your fav’rite Hask:

Lies buried in a bunk:,

He cannot very well misund:

That you (poor fooz:) have made a blund:

If this is prob: — nay, even cert: —

My scheme at once becomes attrac:

And I (pray pard: a litt: impert:)

A public benefac:

Who saves his fellow-man and neighb:

A deal of quite unnecess: lab:

Gent: Reader, if to me you’ll list:

And not be irritab: or peev:,

You’ll find it of tremend: assist:

This habit of abbrev:,

Which grows like some infec: disease,

Like chron: paral: or German meas:

And ev’ry living human bipe:

Will feel his heart grow grate: and warm

As he becomes the loy: discip:

Of my partic: reform,

(Which don’t confuse with that, I beg,

Of Brander Matth: or And: Carneg:)

“”T is not in mort: to comm: success,”

As Shakes: remarked; but if my meth:

Does something to dimin: or less:

The expend: of public breath,

My country, overcome with grat:,

Should in my hon: erect a stat:

My bust by Rod: (what matt: the cost?)

Shall be exhib:, devoid of charge,

With (in the Public Lib: at Bost:)

My full-length port: by Sarge:

That thous: from Pitts: or Wash: may swarm

To worsh: the Found: of this Reform.

Meanwhile I seek with some avid:

The fav: of your polite consid: