Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups: Recent Episodes
Counsellor A.J. Mahari
A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 30 years experience working with those surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.
BPD Joint Therapy Fantasy BPD Right-Fighting & Pathological Lying vs Your Eggshell-Walking
BPD joint therapy doesn’t work and is a fantasy bonded nightmare of Borderline victim/martyr cs your Codependent walking on eggshells and trauma bond addiction to intermittent reinforcement.
Borderlines - unless clinically proven to actually be recovered need their own therapy and you need yours. BPD relationships without full BPD recovery are toxic and you’re not being “loved” while being abused.
BPD right-fighting and pathological lying block anything meaningful in joint therapy as they control
the process initiating BPD Induced Conversation and projecting on to the therapist as they do you in life.
Stop trying to recycle toxic relationships after the first breakup!
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BPD Negative Behavior - Don’t Confront It - What Can You Do?
BPD Negative Behavior - You can’t confront it. You may have unsuccessfully tried endless times. It increases your suffering each time, but to not say anything will increase your suffering as well. This is the heart of BPD toxic relationships wherein you just cannot win.
What can you actually do? What you can do is admit your are powerless over the person with BPD. So, then what in the middle of no win relationship impossibility?
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High Functioning BPD in Careers vs Relationships
How can a person diagnosed with BPD and with many active Borderline traits, behaviour etc in a relationship possibly function in careers, and often be or be becoming Social Workers and Psychologists?
The core reason is the vast difference in many with high functioning BPD having a high IQ in the absence of emotional relational intelligence. They remain, often, toxic in interpersonal relationships despite functioning (to various degrees) in careers or professions.
People with a degree in Social Work or Psychology are not going to be able to help themselves due to lack/loss of “self” and lacking emotional intelligence and lacking emotional maturity and so much more
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Co-Pareting or Parallel Parenting With a BPD Ex - Another RollerCoaster
Co-Parenting or Parallel parenting with a BPD - Borderline Personality Disordered Ex is for so
many people, a nightmare. Not all BPD parents are the same, but, many, many of them are untreated,competitive, need their child or children's love and validation in such an unhealthy way that their need for a child or children's "loyalty" "never abandon me" drives so many Borderline Mothers and Borderline fathers to alienate you from you child or children.
Co-parenting efforts on the part of your BPD Ex may well be so full of high-conflict and many a parent with BPD cannot put their child's needs ahead of their own. If the BPD Ex still blames you for everything they deem that was "wrong" with the relationship they carry on believing that you shouldn't have any rightsto "their child". For many Co-parenting will end up more being Parallel parenting. Either way you need to have done your healing work to be able to stay calm, to be non-reactive to the BPD Ex and to only communicate facts about what your child needs.
Co-parenting, for many, not all, with a BPD Ex just become another somewhat different but very familiar rollercoaster experience that you need to learn how to strategize to cope with while giving your child emotional safety and love and as healthy of a life as you can during your custody or visitation. As conflict-laden as most of these situations
are it is really not going to be any better for you or your child or children to try to stay in a toxic BPD relationship hoping that will help your child or children. Sadly, they are going to be wounded in childhood.
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BPD Sudden Discard of Monkey Branching Crushed Future
Many people who have been in short term or long term relationships with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder experience a BPD sudden discard of monkey branching that just crushes you and all the future plans that you believed were going to be your life unfolding in the relationship with the person with BPD that you didn't know, you didn't
truly know. The heartbreak, the loss, the shame, the toxic guilt of people with Codependency who for a time blame themselves. BPD sudden Monkey Branching discards add even more pain and confusion to what is experienced in any BPD Breakup. How can you recover from this?
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The Glass Borderline 'Hmpty Dmpty' No Real Self
BPD Breakups and Codependent BPD Exes endless "what if's' in the confusion, losing of yourself, the rumination, the cognitive dissonance and the constant "how could he/she do this?" "What did I do wrong?" If only I would/could have had ___________ or done _________ or said ____________ or not done or said ____________ All these 'what if's' when you really need to understand the Glass Borderline 'Hmpty Dmpty and why your relationship will not, was not, did not and still cannot work out.
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Reactive Abuse in BPD Partners and Exe
s is a trauma-informed podcast focused on understanding reactive abuse, emotional dysregulation, and the complex relationship dynamics that can occur with partners or ex-partners affected by borderline personality disorder (BPD) or similar patterns.
This podcast wpisode explores how reactive behaviors can develop in emotionally abusive or highly dysregulated relationships—especially when gaslighting, blame-shifting, boundary violations, and chronic emotional stress are present. Listeners will learn the difference between intentional abuse and trauma-based reactions, helping survivors release shame and gain clarity about what actually happened in their relationships.
Through education, real-world examples, and recovery-focused discussions, the show covers topics such as:
What reactive abuse is and how it differs from abuse
Emotional dysregulation and conflict cycles in relationships
Gaslighting, trauma bonding, and psychological manipulation
Why survivors may react in ways they don’t recognize
Healing after emotionally abusive or toxic relationships
Rebuilding identity, boundaries, and self-trust after trauma
Nervous system regulation and emotional recovery
This podcast does not demonize mental health conditions. Instead, it centers on behaviors, relationship patterns, accountability, and healing—offering compassionate insight for those who feel confused, blamed, or silenced after difficult relationships.
Whether you are recovering from a relationship with a BPD partner or ex, questioning your own reactions, or seeking to understand emotional abuse and trauma responses more clearly, Reactive Abuse in BPD Partners and Exes provides validation, education, and a path forward.
You are not “crazy.” You are not broken. And healing is possible.
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Misunderstanding BPD Intensity as Love
So many partners and ex-partners of people with untreated Borderline Personality Disorder mistake the early intensity for love—because it feels overwhelming, consuming, and deeply validating. In this episode, I gently guide you through why Borderline emotional flooding gets misinterpreted as intimacy, connection, or destiny.
You’ll learn why intensity is not love, why emotional dysregulation masquerades as passion, and why the early idealization phase feels so powerful to codependents, and trauma survivors. This episode helps you understand the fantasy bond, the rapid trauma-attachment cycle, and the heartbreaking confusion that keeps so many people stuck long after the relationship ends.
This teaching is here to bring clarity, compassion, and truth—so you can reclaim yourself and begin to heal.
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BPD Hypersexuality Is Self-Soothing And You are The Bandage
In this episode, we explore the misunderstood and often painful dynamic of Borderline hypersexuality—not as “promiscuity,” not as a moral failure, but as an attempt to self-soothe overwhelming internal distress. I walk you through why so many people with BPD turn to sexual intensity to regulate shame, emptiness, terror of abandonment, and the desperate need to feel momentarily wanted or alive.
You’ll learn how hypersexual behaviour becomes a survival strategy, not a genuine expression of love or intimacy—and why partners often confuse this intensity for connection. We’ll look at the underlying trauma, dysregulated attachment, and the fragmented self that drive this behaviour, and how these patterns affect those who love someone with untreated BPD.
This episode is especially helpful for codependents, survivors of BPD relationships, and anyone trying to make sense of why sexual intensity felt fused to love, validation, or bonding—only to later feel discarded, confused, or emotionally injured. With compassion and clarity, we break down the psychological mechanisms at play so you can understand what happened, reclaim your sense of reality, and begin healing from the confusion of trauma-bonded intimacy.
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Why BPD Relationships Fail - Repetition Compulsions Projection and Projective Identification
In this episode, A.J. Mahari explains how unconscious repetition compulsions, projection, and BPD projective identification keep people with Borderline Personality Disorder trapped in painful relational cycles. You’ll learn how early trauma shapes perception, how partners become stand-ins for abandoning or abusive parents, and how projective identification pulls loved ones into the Borderline’s emotional world. This compassionate deep dive helps you understand what’s really happening beneath the chaos — and how awareness can finally break the cycle of reenacting the past which cannot stop or change until and unless each person with BPD is treated for 8-16 years in a psychodynamic modality of treatment because DBT is not a recovery modality for BPD.
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Borderline Induced Conversations - When Talking Turns Into Trauma for Codependents
When you try to talk to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder and the conversation suddenly turns emotional, chaotic, or painful — you’re not communicating. You’re in an induced conversation.
In this episode, A.J. Mahari explains how Borderlines and Codependents unconsciously pull each other into trauma-based emotional loops that feel like connection but are actually dysregulation. You’ll learn what’s really happening in your nervous system, why you keep getting drawn back in, and how to finally step out of these trauma-bonded “talks” that never resolve anything and never bring peace.
In this podcast episode:
What an induced conversation really is
How Borderlines project pain and Codependents absorb it
The nervous-system collision behind emotional chaos
Why calm feels unsafe after trauma
How to end the cycle and reclaim your peace
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Borderline Love a Looping Trap of Deception
Borderline Love is a looping trap of deception rooted in fantasy, betrayal, false hope, and trauma bonded dynamics of pseudo attachment and the Borderline idealization trap of deception (conscious or unconscious). People with BPD deceive boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, the favorite person, friends and family members as well as themselves.
People with Borderline Personality do not know who they are. They do not know how to relate to you as separate from their own internal dysregulated and emotionally immature "lack of self". "Love and/or attachment" believed to be given by a person with BPD or received by a Codependent is an emotional deception and a trap.
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The Invisible Borderline Man - Why Women Don't See Him Coming
The invisible Borderline man. Why is he so invisible? Are men diagnosed properly enough with BPD - the answer is no. This doesn't help in many cases. Why do so many women fail to recognize the signs of a man with Borderline Personality Disorder until they are already deeply involved? In this episode, I explore The Invisible Borderline Man — the subtle ways BPD traits show up in men and why women often don’t see him coming.
I'll look at how cultural expectations, hidden patterns, and codependent conditioning blind women to the early red flags. By understanding these dynamics, you’ll learn how to protect yourself from being pulled into a relationship built on chaos, trauma bonding, and false hope.
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Borderline man unmasked
The Borderline Man Unmasked. Yes, men have BPD too! It is important that women learn more about the many ways the 'Borderline Man' does differ from women with BPD. There are many overlaps but men with BPD do often endanger women more than most BPD women physically endanger men (though some women with BPD are physically dangerous especially with a weapon).
Women need to unlearn what many young girls learn in childhood about being maternal. Women need to heal their wounds from childhood that sees maternal instincts and nurture be engulfed by Codependency.
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The Broken BPD Man Fantasy
The Broken BPD Man Fantasy is very real for women. Yes, men have Borderline Personality Disorder too! Countless numbers of women suffer with men with BPD in those trauma bonded relationships. Gay men are also suffering in relationships with men with BPD.
This is part one of 3 podcast episode series focusing on Borderline Men for the women who get into dating and relationships with BPD men that they can't see coming.
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BPD Love Legacy of Doubt 5 Reasons Closure is An Illusion]
BPD Love leaves a legacy of doubt. There are 5 main reasons why closure is an illusion during or after a BPD Breakup, ghos6 and/or discard. People who have been in a relationship or dating someone with BPD desperately want to understand and when necessary find closure. People with BPD (especially untreated) do not do closure. If you continue to try to get closure you will only be strengthening the trauma bond.
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Quiet BPD 10 Reasons It Destroys Relationships
Quiet BPD 10 reasons it destroys relationships. Often people in a relationship with someone with Quiet BPD, also known as the Discouraged BPD Subtype, it can take quite a while to understand that your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife has Quiet BPD. People with Quiet BPD internalize most, if not all of their splitting, fear of abandonment, push/pull, relational issues etc and often partners think that the "problem" is they just drink too much, or they just are hot and cold. Identifying that a person with Quiet BPD in your life actually has Borderline Personality can be difficult and the off/on ghosting cycles of many Quiet Borderlines can be so confusing. Quiet BPD is not someone being "less Borderline" or having BPD only mildly.
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10 Ways BPD Relationship Recycling Increases Your Suffering
10 ways that BPD relationship recycling actually strengthens your suffering and the trauma/fantast bond hurting you more and activating your nervous system over and over again in ways that are unhealthy, stressful, anxiety-producing and extremely painful. It is so important that people with Codependency recognize why you need the harm reduction of ending BPD relationship recycling and going full no contact and getting into your own therapy and healing process.
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BPD Love is a Reverse FairyTale
What starts like a pseudo BPD relationships fairytale in reverse ends in emotional devastation—and you’re left wondering what happened. In this episode, I explore why relationships with someone with untreated Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and their supposed
"Love" feel and are experienced like a reverse fairytale: magical in the beginning, somewhere along the way, sooner or later, traumatic in the end or the many on-going unsuccessful ends in the trauma bond.
You’ll learn why the intense beginning isn’t real intimacy, isn't real "love" and how idealization flips into devaluation, and why the cycle never leads to a “happily ever after.” This episode is a compassionate wake-up call for those still hoping to get back to “chapter one.” You get what you think is the "happy-ever-after" in the beginning and that starts to unravel into the exact opposite.
If you’ve been stuck in a looping pseudo love story that keeps breaking your heart, it’s time to understand the pattern—and reclaim your own narrative by breaking free of the quest to get back to the magical fairytale reverse beginning of idealization and intermittent
reinforcement of a toxic love passed off as a fantasy that you don't want to admit now.
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Enmeshed in a BPD Relationship? 5 Codependent Hooks Fueling Cycles
Are you enmeshed in a BPD relationship? Why can’t you let go—even when it’s hurting you? This Codependency Inside Out, surviving cluster B episode explores the 5 trauma-rooted codependent hooks that keep you psychologically and emotionally enmeshed, fueling the cycles, in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder.
From rescuing and self-abandonment to enmeshment and fantasy bonding, you’ll learn how these unconscious patterns pull you deeper into the storm—and how to finally begin breaking free.
You’ll Learn:
– What enmeshment really is and why it feels like love
– How your nervous system mistakes chaos for connection
– Why self-erasure becomes a survival strategy
– How to reclaim your identity and rebuild your boundaries
BPD Frustration Intolerance
BPD Frustration Intolerance explains one of the most confusing, crazy-making, and painful dynamics loved ones face in relationships with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. In this episode, I unpack why ordinary limits, boundaries, or small disappointments can trigger emotionally explosive reactions, chaos, and betrayal cycles. No matter how any times you try to calm a person with BPD down, jump to their demands, apologize for what they are doing to you, try to help them emotionally regulate, you cannot stop these betrayal cycles.
In the betrayal cycles and through all the demands and the Borderline (protective) entitlement as they shame you and blame you and "hold you responsible" in their projective identification they have no real-time emotional awareness of YOU, of what YOU are feeling, of what YOU are going through. They don't care after each and every one of these betrayal cycles. YOU won't be seen or heard or empathized with, understood, or apologized to either.
In this podcast episode you will learn and I hope gain clarity about:
- What frustration intolerance really means in the context of BPD
- How trauma and emotional dysregulation fuel these reactions
- Why the cycle creates a false promise of peace that never lasts
- The toll it takes on partners, family members, and friends
- Why this makes BPD relationships unsustainable
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7 Reasons Why BPD Relationships Fail
Why do relationships with someone who has untreated Borderline Personality Disorder so often end in heartbreak? In this episode, I share the 7 key reasons why BPD relationships fail — explained with compassion, depth, and clarity. Whether you’re the partner, the ex, or someone living with BPD yourself, you’ll gain insight into the emotional patterns that make love feel intense yet unstable — and why love alone isn’t enough to keep it alive without healing and change.
This is not about blame. It’s about Codependents' truth, self-understanding, and reclaiming your peace by healing, breaking the trauma bond and reclaiming your own personal power and creating a healthier and more functional relationship to and with yourself.
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This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
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Million Podcasts has ranked this podcast in the top 60 Codependency Podcasts,
the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
https://www.millionpodcasts.com/codependency-podcasts/
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https://www.millionpodcasts.com/toxic-relationship-podcasts/
BPD Mirror Holds No Internal Reflection: You are Unseen
If you’ve ever loved someone with untreated Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and felt like they never truly saw you — this episode explains why. Through the lens of BPD fragmentation, we uncover how their “mirror” doesn’t reflect you at all, but instead the broken, distorted image of a wounding parent from their past. You’ll learn:
Why the “mirror” of a person with BPD is cracked from early relational trauma.
How loved ones become trapped in distorted roles they can’t escape.
Why no amount of love or explanation can make them see the real you.
The first step to freeing yourself from their reflection and reclaiming your identity.
If you’ve felt invisible, miscast, or frozen in the wrong role — this episode will give you the clarity you need to step out of their fragmented mirror "reflection" of you for good.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions - Sessions
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This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
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the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
https://www.millionpodcasts.com/codependency-podcasts/
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https://www.millionpodcasts.com/toxic-relationship-podcasts/
The BPD Love Paradox
Why does someone with Borderline Personality Disorder crave deep love—only to sabotage and destroy it when it arrives? In this episode of Surviving BPD Relationship Breakup Podcast I explore the heartbreaking paradox at the center of BPD. From BPD self-fulfilling prophecies, the acting out of unconscious BPD repetition compulsions, and defensive splitting to the tragic pattern of testing love until it breaks, A.J. Mahari compassionately unpacks why intimacy feels both irresistible and terrifying to those with BPD. Whether you're loving someone with BPD or navigating the disorder yourself, this episode offers clarity, empathy, and a path toward healing.
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the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
https://www.millionpodcasts.com/codependency-podcasts/
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https://www.millionpodcasts.com/toxic-relationship-podcasts/
The BPD Fantasy Why Codependents Are Stuck
(From My Codependency Inside Out Surviving Cluster B Podcast)
The BPD Fantasy of who you thought they were and then that loss, over and over again, is why Codependents are stuck in the Fantasy and Trauma Bond abandoning self not knowing how to face your own multi-layered pain now. The idea of letting go feels like an imminent ending to who you used to be, who you have lost in the BPD relationship that was a BPD Fantasy.
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This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
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the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
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BPD Fragmented Self Blocks Connection and Communication
BPD fragmented self blocks connection and communication. I dive deeply into the core reason a person with (especially untreated) BPD cannot hear you or see you. These are toxic relationships. When you are relating to a person with BPD in any relationship type, there is no "we". No mutuality, no reciprocity. They don't see you or hear you and in this podcast episode I get to the core of why and how Borderline Personality is a relationship disorder of disconnection and inability to attach and communicate that persists due to the fragmented lack of self in every person with Borderline Personality (unless and and until extremely well treated over 8-16 years in a psychodynamic modality of specialized BPD treatment.
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This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
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the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
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BPD Triggers Explained
BPD Triggers Explained. What do you still need to understand or understand more about people with Borderline Personality and what triggers them and why? Do you still feel like their triggered responses, emotional dysregulation, splitting on you and blaming you for everything means that their triggers are your fault?
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the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
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https://www.millionpodcasts.com/toxic-relationship-podcasts/
Is Codependency Really an Addiction?
From my Codependency Surviving Cluster B Relationships Podcast
An often asked, and I think, an often misunderstood question where Codependency is concerned. My answer in this podcast to "Is Codependency Really an addiction" with my 35 years experience working with clients in Codependency recovery is, "yes" and "no" and I think that this approach gives my clients the best of "both" possible asserted "understandings" of Codependency.
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BPD Ego Syntonic vs Ego Dystonic & BPD Alloplastic Defenses
In BPD people with (especially) untreated BPD have ego syntonic alloplastic defense mechanisms. This leaves so many people who were or are still trying to relate to someone with BPD as a partner, friend, favorite person, etc walking on eggshells and at the same time experiencing crazy-making painful toxic relational dynamics.
What does BPD Ego syntonic alloplastic defenses truly mean for you? People with BPD here you mention a feeling of yours and feel that you are attacking them.
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the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
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Borderline Persecutory Object - Invisible Partners and Exes
Borderline persecutory object, a psychoanalytic concept, within Objects Relations Theory, that explains so much about Borderline Personality Disorder. This is the path to truly understanding the results of BPD splitting, perception, unconscious repetition compulsions re-experiencing and re-enactment in BPD that captures the core of understanding so many individual core elements of Borderline Personality disordered "relating" that just does not work.
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This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
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the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcast lists.
BPD Misinformation Hurts Borderlines and Codependents
BPD misinformation hurts people with Borderline Personality and it hurts Codependents and loved ones. There is growing "professional misinformation" about BPD out there, and it doesn't help anybody heal. BPD is not 100% heritable, nothing like that is known at all. BPD is a combination of nature and nurture (lack of nurture). People with BPD can recover. People with BPD are not all the same and the globalized narrative by so many who have been traumatized by someone with BPD serves no one. Every individual with BPD is an individual just as every person with Codependency is also an individual.
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This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
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Million Podcasts has ranked this podcast in the top 60 Codependency Podcasts,
the top 100 Narcissistic Abuse Podcasts and the top 100 in their Toxic Relationship
Podcasts lists.
https://www.millionpodcasts.com/codependency-podcasts/
https://www.millionpodcasts.com/narcissistic-abuse-podcasts/
https://www.millionpodcasts.com/toxic-relationship-podcasts/
BPD “Remission” Flawed & False Hope
BPD remission is very difficult to define or describe or even rely on apart from a very not helpful base definition of it. BPD remission is not a measurable constant across many, let alone most with BPD in treatment at all.
Is BPD remission really a helpful measure for Codependents wanting to keep trying an unhealthy relationship? Does the definition of BPD remission make sense in any "standard" way that can be generally applied?
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Excusing BPD Behavior is Codependent Externalization
Excusing BPD behavior is what so many people with Codependency do and it is a function of Codependent Externalization and need for taking more personal responsibility for yourself - not how anyone with BPD treated you terribly. It is important to get into a healing and recovery journey in therapy to break the trauma bond, learn to focus more on yourself, and to stop externalizing out your needs that can't be met by a person with BPD. Codependent needs that you need to learn how to meet internally for yourself.
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BPD Sudden Shocking Discard BPD Ex is All Alone Now What Can You Do?
BPD sudden shocking discard is devastating and leaves many an Ex of someone with BPD worried that their Ex wife or Ex husband with Borderline Personality or Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend with BPD may be all alone and what can you do to help them? Why do you still want to help them?
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Wanting to Make Amends to a BPD Ex is Codependent
BPD Ex wanting to make amends to Borderline is codependent. Whether you are struggling with alcoholism in AA and wanting to make amends or substance abuse program recovery and wanting to make amends or not, just generally want to make amends to a BPD Ex itis highly NOT recommended that you do so. Maybe you feel guilty that you so hurt an Ex with BPD just by going no contact.
It is not in your best interest at all to try to make amends to a BPD friend, Ex, or if you were their favorite person because it is Codependent action that isn't going to help you take care of you.
Why is trying to make amends to a Borderline Ex, or in any relationship type Codependent and too risky for you?
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Does Going No Contact Make Your BPD Ex Think About You?
Does going no contact after a BPD breakup, ghosting, or discard, make your Ex with BPD think about you? No contact is not a strategy to manipulate a Borderline. No contact is a serious action BPD Exes need to take as soon as one can to truly be engaging your own healing and to break the trauma bond. No contact is difficult, people often feel guilty. Learn more about the slippery slope of using no contact for anything but your own healing and recovery. It is totally not healthy to re-contact your BPD Ex or try to manipulate him or her to re-contact you in any attempts for closure, getting heard, trying to "make them" get how much they hurt you because it doesn't work
.
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BPD Abuse Called Out is Denied Deflected BPD Lying
When people with BPD (usually untreated) are called out their abusive behaviour, words, actions, they deny, deflect, and defend. Is this because they have "memory loss" - they don't really know or remember what they did? Even when showed evidence they don't take any personal responsibility - they weaponize it and claim you have victimized them. It's crazy-making. Do they have memory loss or are people with BPD lying to escape personal responsibility and accountability?
Why Codependents need to know what you know and believe that and not give any person with Borderline Personality the benefit of the doubt. People with BPD when you try to hold them accountable will turn it around on you and blame you for what they often are lying about saying they "don't remember" because they incapable of actually taking responsibility and/or accountability or doing anything about what you've called out because they can't repair ruptures either.
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Want a BPD Ex Back? Fantasy Bond & Unanswered Questions
Want a BPD Ex back? It's the fantasy bond and wanting answers to unanswered questions. Questions that most (especially untreated) with Borderline Personality don't know the answers to. They are too defended, more often than not, to even try to "communicate" with you.
The fantasy of getting a BPD Ex back after they ghost you and END a relationship - it really has an end that most won't, don't and/or can't accept. It's fantasy bonds and unconscious Codependent repetition compulsions that continue to drive your limbo of lostness and agony with you believing you can somehow get them back, get answers, to make it work. That just does not work and you continue to abandon yourself in this process.
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Unknowingly Loving a Borderline Suddenly Ghosted
Unknowingly loving a Borderline and suddenly ghosted? Wondering what on earth just happened? Maybe you know now you were loving a Borderline and were suddenly ghosted. It's a terribly traumatic experience knowingly or unknowingly. Many in wanting the BPD Ex back relationship recycle and may have been ghosted multiple times.
Everyone wants the Borderline back immediately. The pain of being ghosted is terrible. Many just want that pain to go away not realizing that if you can get your BPD Ex back you are only going to find temporary relief from your pain due to intermittent reinforcement - which will not last, just like these relationships and relationship recycling don't last.
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BPD On/Off Relationship Can You Change To Make It Work?
In a BPD on/off relationship? Are you wondering, can I change, like heal some Codependency, and have more energy and tolerance to make a BPD relationship
work?
Have you been ghosted and so want your BPD Ex back? Maybe you've been
discarded, and you are emotionally terrified that you won't hear from that person
ever again? What can you do to change? Anything? Can it work?
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Borderline Disconnectedness and Inability To Relate
As a BPD survivor, I recovered almost 40 years ago, I explain the deep and extremely pervasive abyss of Borderline Personality and the profound disconnectedness that drives all aspects of Borderline behaviour (abuse) and inability to relate in healthy, consistent, or congruent, even remotely healthy ways in relationships.
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Want BPD Ex Back Holding Out Hope?
Are you holding out hope that you can get your BPD Ex back? Like so many people, most with Codependence, many Ex's of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, continue to give so much power and control of their lives, and selves to a person with BPD.
If you really believe that you need to contact your BPD Ex because if they respond angrily or in further devaluation of you then, and only then, they will "force" you into to having to accept that the "relationship is really over?" Your relationship is, actually, already over. If you make contact and reverse hoover your BPD Ex and they devalue you again, you are not going to be able to actually then just move on. You are trapped in the fantasy bond and the deeper trauma bond. Therapy is your only way out of all the pain and rumination.
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BPD Arrested Emotional Development and Object Other Relating
BPD arrested emotional development and Object Other Relating. For more people than not with Borderline Personality (male and female) their early childhood emotional development arrests by or before the age of 2 years. People with BPD and/or all the patterns of BPD were not able in childhood to go through the crucial stages of early childhood development and that arrested emotional development is when and why people with BPD don't know who they are.
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Lost Yourself To A Borderline?
Have you lost yourself to Borderline? A partner, Ex partner, girlfriend or boyfriend, or person close to you with Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you aware of Codependency? Are you learning any helpful lessons?
One man blames God, calling him a "farce" after a relationship with a woman, who "trapped him into her getting pregnant" and now thinks the "farce relationship" was his relationship to and with God, when it was really the BPD relationship. This man whose comments I respond to also thinks, now, that God can't exists because Borderlines exist.
Whether you can relate or not to this man's blaming God instead of the person with BPD and taking his small piece of personal responsibility or not please listen to see if you can relate and substitute your own lostness and feeling separated by something you valued in your life and/or about yourself before the devastation of the BPD relationship.
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BPD Idealization Phase Causes Fantasy Bonding
BPD idealization in the beginning of a significant other relationship
creates a fantasy bond. People with BPD, not having any stable sense
of self, are intense and want (often) immediate "relationship on". After
the person with BPD splits you to a major devaluation, you will not ever
be able to be re-idealized.
People with Codependency (often unaware of this) are very emotionally
hungry - needing validation and reassurance (from childhood woundedness)
feel fantastic, your feelings in the BPD idealization phase increase your sense
of self-worth and self-esteem until the ruptured splits of BPD devaluation start
happening.
If you are ghosted and/or discarded you've lost yourself so much to focusing
intensely on the person with BPD, trying, in vain, to get back to that beginning
and how great everything felt. Codependents after a BPD Breakup find it feels
next to impossible to not get that idealizing person with BPD back to re-capture
the elusive - not ever going to happen again - idealization phase and who you
thought the person with BPD was.
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Borderline Betrayal and Its Insidious Impact on You
Borderline betrayal and its negative, painful impact on you.
Anyone close to any person with BPD will experience Borderline
Betrayal and the very real consequences to "self" that result from
BPD betrayal.
People with Codependency have a suggestible enough core wound
that the impact of Borderline betrayal causes untold damage,
rumination, cognitive dissonance, self-abandonment, and often longing
for the person with BPD who betrayed you to still be in relationship with you
or needing so badly to understand, to not feel like everything was your fault.
The immense struggle of lack of closure also takes its toll in more cases than not.
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BPD Awareness Can't Save Relationships
BPD awareness can't save relationships and doesn't mean changed behaviour (spelling Canadian now :) When a person with BPD has
intellectual awareness and can even talk about things at times, too many partners get fooled. Why fooled? Because too many people think that BPD awareness means "they get it" they can change. But emotionally, they don't get it. Whenever a person with BPD is triggered that awareness is lost and behaviour and lack of personal responsibility keep happening.
BPD awareness without therapy can't save relationships and doesn't translate into actual change or better relating or any increased understanding of how they effect others. Codependents often feel more fantasy false hope believing that what a person with BPD can say intellectually, between episodes means "hope" for change and the relationship - sadly, this is not true.
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BPD Stable Before Relationship Rupture? Was My Ex Like Sherri Papini?
A commenter asks how could my BPD Ex be fine in a relationship for 4 years and suddenly be so unstable? Is a person with BPD stable in a relationship until they aren't? A BPD Ex compares his ex to Sherri Papini - any similarity to a thought to be "stable" partner who then suddenly shows how unstable they are? Does the length of a relationship with someone BPD have anything to do with whether or not they have stability? People with BPD are not emotionally stable people.
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Borderlines Are Not Relationship Worthy
Borderlines are not relationship worthy. They lack a self, have no object constancy and have relational and communication deficits. People with BPD feel very unworthy. They struggle without a known "self" to have any positive regard for "self" or "other". People with BPD often really don't like themselves and this is projected out on to anyone that gets close until a person with BPD can't cope with being close.
People with BPD need extensive therapy in a psychodynamic modality of treatment that takes years so that they can find the lost "self" and among other things, develop and nurture their own self-worth first
.
Codependents also struggle with their own self-worth and need to learn in their healing and recovery that they are worth more than settling for a one-sided 'situationship' with someone with BPD. You deserve to be consistently seen and heard!
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BPD Breakup Ghost or Discard Is Not Your Fault
BPD breakup, ghosting, or discard is not your fault. People with suspected BPD, diagnosed BPD untreated (or not fully treated) can't stop the ghosting or discards and neither can you. People with BPD often feel out of control in relationships and people with Codependency try to help, rescue, fic and change them. They need years of therapy that they would fully engage in to ever be able to have a healthy, age-appropriate relationships with healthy communication. It takes years of therapy for people with BPD to unlearn maladaptive defenses - namely splitting and all-or-nothing thinking along with not taking everything personally and to build and create a container of self. No matter how many times you recycle as a Codependent with an untreated person with BPD nothing can change. Each relationship recycle you just experience more and more of the same.
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BPD Relationship Rollercoaster Causes Codependent Rumination Need For Closure
Blocking Recovery
BPD relationship rollercoaster causes Codependent rumination and need for closure to be so strong that this becomes a major block to breaking the fantasy bond with a Borderline Ex and people healing from the relationship and from Codependency. Each and every Borderline episode that leads to splitting to devaluation and blaming of a partner causes partners or loved ones in any relationship type to ruminate, and need closure, episode after episode through an entire relationship - not just after the breakup, ghosting, or BPD discard.
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Borderline Projection Through an Eternal Victim Lens
Borderline Projection onto friends, partners, Ex's, etc comes from his or her eternal victim lens and persona. The false self exists to protect the victimized borderline lose self. There is no excuse for BPD abuse because a high percentage of them were SA's in childhood, not given love, not taught any coping skills. These childhoods are often tragic. But, another core reality in Codependents trying to rescue, fix, and change the borderline to make a relationship work is that they are still emotionally young child-like victims of the lost self.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com
This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025
Two Codependents in Relationship After Previous Cluster B Relationships & Counter-Dependency
This is Epidsode 9 From my Codependency Surviving Cluster B Relationships Podcast
Can two people both be Codependent in a relationship years after each had a BPD or NPD relationship with an Ex? A commenter asked if two people can be Codependent in a relationship with each other and can both manifest codependency more as counter-dependency when each person in the relationship has had a previous Cluster B relationship?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline Mixed Signals & Codependent Fantasy Bond Cycles
Borderline’s mixed signals and Codependent fantasy bonds. Borderlines in relationships give endless mixed signals like telling you how much they love after traumatizing behaviour or while still ghosting you, or after having ghosted or even for years discarded you. Saying in Hoovers, they love you, they need to figure out how to let you go - end the relationship - but they don’t know how. Meanwhile you love them, you focus on them to the detriment of yourself as an Ex and Codependent. You need to let that BPD Ex go, but, you don't know how.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com
This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025
Borderlines Tattoos and Piercings - Why pw/BPD Get More Than Average
Borderlines Tattoos and Piercings - why people with BPD get more tattoos and/or piercings than non-Borderlines.
A commenter (on Youtube) asked if a woman has an excessive amount of tattoos, could this be a dating red flag that she has BPD. I answer this question about Borderlines and tattoos and explain why people with BPD do, in fact, have many more body modifications- tattoos and piercings than those without BPD and several key reasons why people with Borderline Personality get tattoos and piercings so often. In a high percentage of a study they found that 22.41% of people with BPD had tattoos over at least 10% of their bodies.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com
This podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:
100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025
BPD Relationship Ruptures Are All Relationships Just Hard Work?
BPD relational ruptures and an answer to a Codependent commentor's question are BPD and all relationships just hard work wherein I explain the differences between BPD relationships and healthy relationships. I also answer the question, "How can you tell if it's the person with BPD or yourself as a Codependent?" In other words, is it my BPD partner and his or her BPD or is it me, the Codependent? Why do so many with Codependency believe that they are to blame for BPD relationship ruptures and BPD relationship impossibility?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
10 Ways To Help A Borderline - Fact or Myth
10 ways to help a Borderline are they fact or myth? I created a list of 10 ways to help a Borderline based on several different professional sources. As to whether these ways to help a person with BPD are helpful or harmful for you - fact or myth, I explain in this podcast why any loved one, Codependent person, loving a Borderline, will only make everything worse for themselves if you try these ways to help. Then again, many in their Codependent denial and BPD relationship impossibility may already be trying or have tried these 10 ways to help a Borderline.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Having Children - The Heartbreak of BPD Ex Loss or Co-Parenting
Borderlines having children wound them (more often than not) and the heartbreak of BPD Ex's loss or Co-Parenting. Whether the Borderline Parent is the mother or the father, each will wound his or her children. A commenter lost his child to a borderline's lack of care. Co-parenting with a male or female with BPD is for most a nightmare that no matter what the BPD Ex does wounds your child or children. If you are younger, dating a borderline or not sure, be careful. It's not healthy to have a child with an untreated person with BPD.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Don't Make You Sacrifice Yourself
Borderlines (or a BPD/NPD person) doesn't make you sacrfice yourselves as Codependents. A.J. Mahari adds in her experience on breaking free from her BPD/NPD Ex. Do you blame your BPD or BPD/NPD Ex for everything? What you need to know about your own personal responsibility that is necessary for healing change. You are not to blame for what a BPD or BPD/NPD did to you. But blaming them for your missed choice points that absolutely feel impossible won't help you break free of the betrayal bond. Not taking your own personal responsibility for Codependent choices made (consciously or unconsciously) aside from all that any BPD or BPD/NPD is responsible for will keep you stuck and will increase your suffering.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Triggers Explained & Why They Are So Crazy-Making
BPD triggers are explained and why they are so crazy-making. What you really need to know about BPD triggers that so many don't realize. What is the core of impossibility with BPD triggers? Why are BPD triggers central to endless lack of taking personal responsibility or accountability that is so crazy-making? BPD triggers are affecting you and part of how you as a partner, loved one, family member, of someone with BPD are losing yourself. You must stop care-taking for the person with BPD in your life. Stop trying to get the person with BPD to see how their triggered dysregulated emotion is hurting you because they just don't get it!
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
What Is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?
What is Borderline Transient Paranoid Ideation? What does it mean? How can does it manifest for people with BPD and how can you recognize it and understand its scope and effect on you? Why does this trait (number 9) along with how it drives BPD splits to devaluation cause so many BPD Breakups and so much heartbreak for people who loves someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Just Aren't That In To You & The Emptiness of BPD Idealization
Borderlines just aren't that in to you, Codependents. The incredible emptiness of BPD idealization takes a long time to understand because it felt so great and felt and was too good to be true. BPD idealization just as BPD devaluation isn't about YOU. It's about who you represent unconsciously to un-treated person with Borderline Personality Disorder. You think you can do better, give more, understand more and do it differently and that it will make a difference - Nope! Codependents also often believe that they are so to blame for why people with BPD act out, act in, punish, as you walk on the impossible egg-shells. No matter what you, as a Codependent try to do differently, promise, change, fix and so on - NONE OF IT will work because you are insignificant (for who you really are) to the Borderline.
For the Borderline, it's all about the Borderline. You are just the "object other" that they blame. They don't actually ever get to know who you really are as you lose yourself more and more to their lost selves as they seek to use (unconsciously often) to just survive. There's no excuse for what they do to you in their attempts (all about them) to just survive, seeking identity through you but not ever seeking to truly KNOW you!
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
You Can't Give Borderlines What They Need They Don't Want It From You Anyway
Codependents can't give your Borderline what he or she needs. People with BPD really don't want what they need from you anyway. It's a lose-lose situationship. People with Codependency can't help a partner, or any loved one with BPD, you lost yourself trying, you don't get your needs met. And you can't satiate a person with BPD and the more you try, and try to love them, the more you will punished for your love and care. Codependents need to unlearn childhood woundedness and how it is repeating in all your externalizing out and endless focus on someone with BPD and on Borderline Personality Disorder itself. What about you?
https://ajmahari.ca/session
BPD Devaluation Introjected Codependent Responsibility Stop Internal Re-wounding
BPD devaluation and damage is introjected by Codependents. People with Codependency have a responsibility to stop internally re-wounding themselves internally. People with BPD damage people with Codependency who try to love them. Once you know what is happening, or what happened it is your responsibility to get into therapy and out of the relationship to break the betrayal bond and to learn how to stop over-focusing on the your Borderline Ex. It's so important to get out of denial and to stop abandoning yourself.
Codependency denied only exacerbates the internal critic that continues to internally re-wound your inner child and createsand continues your own inner critic to judge you so harshly as likely you were judged in childhood and by your BPD Ex.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Discard Codependent Fantasy Pissing Into The Wind of Cognitive Dissonance
BPD discards (final or not when unknown) fuel codependent fantasy and leave people with Codependency essentially pissing into the wind - as if that would be any reality of "taking a shower". These relationships ruptures often ending over and over again, also can be likened to the title of Judge Judy's book, "Don't Pee on My Foot and Tell Me it's Raining" Trying to continue in the
Codependent fantasy as this commenter I respond to does (with quite a twist near the end) means that in the cognitive dissonance of it all, the intermittent reinforcementof the still not broken trauma bond, so many with Codependency, on/off partners, Ex's in a limbo place as well continue to actually "piss into the wind" in a fantasy illusion that to do wo would mean you have taken a "shower".
In a relationship with an undiagnosed and/or untreated person with patterns of or with BPD being stuck in cognitive dissonance trying to figure out the Borderline, continuing to abandon yourself, perhaps as this commenter, while believing a desperate delusion that his Ex is getting closer to recovery or somehow will is the most agonizing height of so much pain and all of its rumination that
you feel like you just can't stop obsessing on.
See if you relate, at least in part, to this commenter and his torment of Codependent denial and not really understanding BPD while at the same time he truly pisses into the wind as if he awaits an actual shower.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?
So many people who have been in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD with Co-Morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder are caught in a trauma bond ruminating and trying to figure out who is the person behind the idealization and love bombing when there isn't a "real person" inside at all, only a false self.
The intermittent reinforcement within the trauma bond with someone with BPD or BPD/NPD keeps Codependents stuck in circles of (often misinformation) trying to give their own explanations or
offer up erroneous ones or misinterpretations taken from perhaps listening to or reading too many contradictory sources online.
The person you fell in love with doesn't exist. The person behind the idealization and the love bombing is the false self that protects the lost self in Borderlines and Narcissists.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To Heal
BPD Breakup or discard is so painful and so confusing for so many people
who have, but may not realize it, Codependency. Getting into therapy and
going no contact is the way to identify your codependent part in the dynamic
and to heal. Choose to no longer stay stuck in excessive obsessive focus on
the Borderline and what they did, why they did it because that focus will
keep the trauma bond in tact. You need to break that betrayal bond in order
to heal.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary Projection
People who are Quiet Borderlines, the Discouraged sub-type of BPD, when triggered
have a fawn/freeze response. They withdraw. You can't pull words out of them. They
don't hear you. They may take space, or ghost you in a patterned way, and you don't
get it. You are trying to understand what the quiet borderline is doing. Many with
Codependency think that it is the Quiet Borderline creating conflict when very often
that's not the case. They are re-experiencing "lack of self" as the introjected
persecutory object they were to a parent. People with Codependency need to understand
your (often unconscious) reactionary projection about a significant part of the conflict
that you experience and think is all coming from the person with Quiet BPD. Codependents
will benefit from stopping their own repetition compulsion of pursuit of a Quiet Borderline
who is deep inside re-experiencing inner persecution - they take on the role of the
wounding parent or parents and that's not seeking conflict or any type of fight/flight.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline Groundhog Day Repetition & Codependent Fantasy
Borderline Groundhog Day repetition compulsions are pretty much every day (untreated) and people with Codependency are still trying to change the Fantasy Bond. People with Codependency end up in the fantasy while (untreated) people with BPD live each day or most days as yet another groundhog day of their own unconscious repetition compulsions. Want or need to understand why your Borderline doesn't see you or hear you, devalues, blames you, feels like a victim and can't learn from the daily repetition compulsions cycles?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Relationship or Breakup - Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?
An inauthentic Youtuber who prior to March 2024 had 63,000 subscribers and now has bought her way up to 150+ subscribers, and counting, did one of her usual fluff so called "deep dive" into this silly title, "Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?"
In my alternative for those who find it and will benefit from much more information and resonate with this podcast (episode) I identity the following about Codependency for so many that are in a relationship, are recycling a BPD Relationship, been ghosted and/or discarded by a partner or now Ex with BPD and who are suffering immeasurably and can't stop ruminating. Still stuck painfully in the cognitive dissonance of what happened. Many remain confused for months to years unable to break the trauma bond that you must break to heal and recover from the BPD Breakup and from Codependency. In this episode I explain the following:
- 4 Codependent Themes
- 15 Core Traits
- 15 Childhood Causes
- 7 Benefits of Professional Help in Recovery
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Am I a Codependent in a Heartbreaking Cycle Of a Bpd Relationship or Breakup?
Am I a Codependent, are you a Codependent in a heartbreaking cycle of a BPD relationship and Breakup - ghosted, discarded, had to end it yourself?
In a BPD Relationship, recycling a BPD Relationship, or have you been ghosted or discarded - are you new to or still suffering from a BPD Breakup? Are you still unsure how to answer the questions, "Am I a Codependent?" Do you want that person with BPD back, are you totally focused on the on/off BPD - the Ex with BPD - still hoping, or did it all end a while ago or years ago but you still continue to hurt, watch videos, and ruminate?
Why realizing what Codependency really means and how it applies to you is the only way to heal (working with an expert in this area, like myself) and be able to move on and be truly free from anything to do with that person with BPD and all you have been wounded by.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Relationship Dynamics Codependents Staying But Not Taking It and Fighting Back
BPD relationships dynamics with codependents who are staying in the relationship "not taking it" and are fighting back thinking that this isn't codependent and that somehow it means you are not still getting very hurt and negatively impacted by all that people with BPD do that wounds those closest to them. What does fighting back look like and what is the result of it when on is doing that but still staying in a BPD relationship? The betrayal bond dynamics in relationships with a person with BPD and a person with Codependency aren't all just one-sided.
Session(s) With A.J. Mahari
Empower Someone With BPD To End Unhealthy Life Choices Claims An Inauthentic Youtuber
I keep it real to help you heal!
An inauthentic subscriber purchasing Youtuber misinforms in the worst way possible by blaming
people with Codependency as if you need to be "perfect" before you try to have all those
"conversations" with someone in your life with BPD or else the borderline will just blame you.
People with BPD don't take personal responsibility and it's not your job to be a "role model"
or make sure as this Youtuber claims, "that your side of the fence is cleaned up first" to what,
talk to a person with BPD abusing and using you? This Youtuber has bought over 70,000 "fake" subscribers in April and May 2024 (perhaps still on-going?) and allegedly also purchased thousands of views on her video of a similar titlebecause her messages don't make sense and she isn't the "expert" she wants everyone to think she is.
An in authentic Youtuber blaming victims of abusive borderlines and suggesting that you should be ableto "empower them" to stop "unhealthy life choices" that result from BPD. She sounds like a lost puppy,a rampant Codependent but what else is wrong with her that she needs to try to buy her way to "more credibility" while putting out the garbage "information" that she does. You can't empower a person with BPD to end the unhealthy life choices they make. Those choices will continue and continue to hurt you as will any notion or belief on your part that you aren't "perfect" enough for a person with BPD who uses you can can't love you.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Break The Betrayal Bond BPD or NPD Ex or Adult Child & Codependency
People who have been in a relationship with a person with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and those who may also have a BPD or NPD parent need to recognize their woundedness from childhood to be able to heal Codependency. You cannot break a betrayal or fantasy bond with a BPD Ex, NPD Ex and/or BPD or NPD parent until and unless you work with someone who is, as I am, an expert in this area to help you heal and recover from a Borderline or Narcissist while healing your codependency which is the only way to break that fantasy bond or betrayal bond and know yourself better, and/or reclaim yourself.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Stop The Cycle of Bpd's Using You As An Atm and a Vending Machine In Relationship Recycling
Are you someone still in a relationship or in the on/off BPD Breakup relationship recycling with a person with (especially untreated) BPD? You are likely someone with Codependency. Codependents - BPD Ex's or partners and Ex-on/off partners of Borderlines are BPD ATM & vending machines on empty as each cycle rollercoaster ride takes more and more from you, depleting you as you continue to lose yourself more and more. You can't make the relationships work - fantasy bonded relationship impossibility.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Losing Yourself Trying to Nurture and Aid a Borderline?
In a response to a Codependent commenter on a video I did about Borderlines Lying and
manipulation whether it is on purpose, calcuulated or not - it is what it is, this
person who left a semi=hostile but Codependent denying comment thought that it should
be possible for partners, Ex's or friends of someone with BPD to nurture them and aid
them as they stressed this MUST be possible. No, it really isn't.
This person's Codependent denial "take-away" they ascribe to my video is evidence of their own denial and twisting of what I said because they don't want to or aren't ready to realize the
reality that one needs to find outside of a tantasy bond with a Borderline, You need to
take care of yourself, not continue to think or believe or fantasize about nurturing and
aiding - rescuing, changing, or fixing a person with BPD while you are being traumatized
and keep losing more and more of yourself and getting more confused about why "love"
hurts so much.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Quiet Discouraged Subtype Specific Traits and Shocking Discards
The quiet Borderline subtype known and described as the Discouraged Borderline. A look at this presentation and manifestation of Borderline Personality Disorder.
The specific Quiet BPD subtype traits are discussed as well as the reasons why a Discouraged Borderline's shocking discard is one of the most painful relationship endings. Cold discards by the Quiet Borderline that are not your fault.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Salacious BPD Women Are Not Dreams But Relationship Nightmares
Every person with Borderline Personality, their lives matter and are worth living. But in response to an objectified erroneous and pathological veneration of Borderline Women that goes way too far via his perspective as a malignant narcissist. Some of his video "Borderline's Life is Worth Living Technicolor Adventure" is in some aspects very dark and not only misses the mark in places but objectives the "Borderline Woman" as he seems to covet the emotionality of people with BPD but misrepresents it for his own duper's delight and Narcissistic supply. I want to present an alternative voice and remind you that if you are not, like said Youtuber is, a malignant narcissist or a Narcissist, as a Codependent, believing his wayward message will be very harmful, dark and dangerous for you. Salacious Borderline Women are not "dreams" they are unfortunately relationship nightmares. You need to get off the BPD rollercoaster trauma bond that you are losing or have lost yourself on.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Breakup Obsession & Codependent Excuses Waiting to Be Rescued By Who?
Please note: At two points in this (passionate) episode I mention being very fed up with many of the
excuses like the commenter I respond to in this episode. I am referring to being fed up with
people on social media, denying their Codependency and making excuses - I am very patient and
not ever fed up at all with working with any singal client. In the video I was able to add this
on screen but thought it best to add in the description here.
BPD Breakup Obsession and seemingly endless Codependent (Ex of BPD or on/off) excuses waiting (perhaps unconsciously in many cases) to be rescued and by someone - who? The Borderline can't rescue you. If you believe, like the commenter I respond to here, in God, you may like this commenter be waiting for God to rescue you. God is not going to rescue anyone either. If you don't believe in God, or practice any faith or religion than please apply this to your own spiritual context and/or beliefs. The message that is most important is that you need to take personal responsibility to end the betrayal bonded relationship and take action to get into therapy and your own healing and recovery process. Heal and recover from the BPD or NPD Relationship breakup and Codependency,, truly find yourself. The first step, is just take action to start working with someone.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Can’t Find Love Or Love You From Your Perspective - Borderlines Don't Take Your Identity or Self or Mental Image and then find love from that perspective
Borderlines can't find love or feel love for you from your perspective, or mental image or somehow by "taking" your identity or self from you to see your perspective at all. Too many people with Codependency believe this because you really want to believe who you thought the person with BPD was who seemed to love you would really be findable again so you would be being loved and seen and heard. This is just not how people with BPD are or how they "relate" to significant others. They really do not know how to love you because they don't know themselves.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Petulant BPD Rage Uses You and The Why Insight of a Recovered Borderline
Petulant Borderlines use you when they rage at you. A borderline rage does make them feel better at your expense. They are often not aware of what is happening for your or how you are affected by them. Self-awareness deficits in untreated BPD mean that Borderlines are too engulfed and absorbed with their own dysregulated feelings to even be aware of how they are using you - this does not excuse what they are actually doing to you. How you are not seen or heard by them. Often after a Petulant BPD rage the person with BPD feels much better while you are left reeling. They are ready to carry on, and you are shell-shocked. They don't have a frame of reference from their rage to hear how hurt and/or devastated you are. BPD Rage episodes are not ever resolved in relationships.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline Splitting Cycles Mixed With Codependent Denial
Borderline splitting cycles mixed with Codependent denial fuel the betrayal bonded dynamics of cognitive dissoncance, falsely believing and defending that a BPD partner or BPD Ex "loves" you. Denial of one's own Codependency is often a conscious and unconscious driver of people continuing to pursue the fantasy of BPD Relationship "love". Untreated people with Borderline Personality Disorder can't and don't love you.
Can you relate to believing a person with BPD "loves" you and continue to be fooled by (and fool yourself) that Borderline inconsistency, incongruence, and lack of words and actions having any unity with each other still somehow means, against all odds, that the person you love with BPD, are dating, or in a relationship with who has BPD really "loves" you?
This is how people with Codependency continue to lose more and more of "self" to the splitting cycles of people with BPD who have no "self" from which to love you. They are seeking identity through you. The person with BPD, in a way, is taking you from you to try to meet their own needs in
"object other" unhealthy "relating" that just isn't healthy love at all.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Recontacting Your BPD Ex (Reverse Hoovering) Increases Your Suffering
Recontacting your BPD Ex is reverse hoovering and it increases Codependents suffering. Many people with Codependency are still in denial of the reverse hoovering responsibility that they have. No matter how the relationship "ended" or if it is on/off and/or being recycle, recontacting a borderline or still in communication increases the suffering of people with Codependency who have their own responsibility to not continue their part of the betrayal bonded relationship. You need to get into therapy to work toward going no contact so that you can heal.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Don't Value You in Dating or Relationships
Borderlines don't value you in dating or relationships because they are insatiable and have failed at "othering". People with BPD are very (lack of) self-focused and emotionally only aware of their feelings, wants that they mix up with needs. Borderlines don't value you because emotionally they are actually not relating to you, for who you really are.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Loving a Borderline & Why You Will Never Know Who He or She Is or Was
Loving a borderline woman or man it is a high percentage of people in all relationship types who really will never know who that person with BPD in your life, or was in your life, is. Loving a borderline is loving someone you really don't know. It's loving someone for who you thought they were in the beginning and for who you still wish and/or have false hope for them to become.
Intermittent reinforcement (at the heart of these trauma bonded relationships) has actually psychologically captured you and you are losing yourself the more you keep trying to love a borderline and really can't know who they actually are because they don't know who they are.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Discard & Dangle Fantasy Facade At The End Like the Beginning
Many with BPD when they discard you with or without actually saying so dangle the fantasy facade at the end like they did in the beginning. They want you to believe they are going to be the person you thought they were in the beginning, at the end, as they monkey-branch or quickly go to the next person. This is (often unconscious) manipulation to leave you feeling in the "one-down" position as the Borderline now has the illusion of being in the "one-up" position. It's their fantasy of facade. They are not who they think they are. The grass will not be greener with the next person.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Breakup & Codependent Woundedness Vulnerability is a Strength After Healing
After a BPD Breakup, ghosting and/or discard getting into your own healing and recovery journey focusing on yourself - not the Borderline Ex - healing your Codependency and becoming a bounded, empowered, independent person means your vulnerability will be a strength, not a weakness.
In response to a comment on a shote I did about my empowered understanding of any vulnerability being a strength wherein I was talking about my medical weight challenges I talk in more depth about vulnerability as a strength and respond to a YouTube commenter who seems to be coming from a place of significant need to protect and believe that vulnerability is a weakness.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Responding to Borderline Ex Only When Contacted or Hoovered is NOT No Contact
Are you an Ex of someone suspected of having BPD or someone you know has BPD? Whether you know the relationship is over or not are you trying to not initiate contact first? Are you a stance now of only responding to contact (hoovers) from your Ex and thinking that means you have gone no contact?
You are not in full no contact if your Ex with BPD can contact you in any way. You are not in full no contact if you have left even one avenue of contact open to be hoovered and then and only then you respond. What are you doing? Why?
https://ajmahari.ca/Sessions
BPD Deceptive Hoovers & BPD Ex's Self Deceptive Reverse Hoovers
BPD deceptive hoovers are what hoovers are, deceptive. BPD Ex's reverse hoovers are often self-deceptive. BPD hoovers or Ex's reverse hoovers only lead to more of the same - try again, nothing changes, no re-idealization or honeymoon phase and as the BPD betrayal bond cycles repeat over and over you keep end up being in that same stuck "want/need my BPD Ex back" agony. Time to get off the BPD relationship recycling rollercoaster and go no contact.
https://ajmahari.ca/Sessions
Riding the Chaotic Rollercoaster of a Borderline? Core Secret Understanding You Need To Know
If you are riding the chaotic rollercoaster of a Borderline, there is a secret understanding that you need to know. Many resist this understanding that is your own healthy way forward toward no contact and finding your own healing, closure and the reasons and lessons of what you have gone through and why you are finding it so incredibly difficult to break away from the BPD relationship chaotic rollercoaster of the impossibility unworkable and very unhealthy relationships.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Definition and 5 Signs of a Trauma Bond with a Borderline or Narcissist
Definition and 5 Signs of a Trauma Bond with a Borderline or a Narcissist that every Codependent partner, on/off relationship recycling, or Ex of a person with BPD or NPD needs to know. People in relationships with a person with BPD or NPD are in trauma bonded relationships that are not healthy. People in these relationships do have Codependency, to one degree or another.Even those who experience counterdependency can often also be codependent as it's a spectrum. What you need to know about trauma bonds, trauma bonding, and the 5 tell-tale signs you are in a trauma bonded relationship with a Borderline or a Narcissist.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
The Borderline Set Up Hoover
The Borderline set up hoover is unlike any other type or generic "average" hoover.
The Borderline set up hoover is one that is your BPD Ex plotting to punish you
(especially the female borderline vs the male BPD Ex) by lying false accusations
to get you arrested and put in jail. This is as serious as your BPD Ex can ever
get. Not all with BPD will do this set up hoover but many more women with BPD are
doing it to male Ex's.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
LIMERENCE vs LOVE Obsessing on An Unavailable BPD Ex - Stop Relationship Recycling Go No Contact
A lot of people who can't stop BPD Relationship Recycling, ruminating about the
BPD when you are their Ex have Limerence as well as Codependency. In this episode
I explain the 3 Main stages of Limerence. The differences between Limerence nad Love.
I also breakdown the 3 stages of Limerence and the negative impacts of Limerence and
why going no contact from a person with BPD who ghosted you or discarded you or who
you may have broken up with is crucial for you to break the betrayal bond, heal
the limerence and your Codependency.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Why Don't Borderlines Just Get It?
Why don't borderlines just get it, how to have their own boundaries and understand their feelings even with iniial therapy can't they just get it? Are you falesly hopingwomeone in your life with untreated BPD just get it? What is it that you might not be getting? What do you still need to get? That you still need to undersand about BPD and your relationship recycling?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
To Survive a BPD Breakup First Stop Relationship Recycling
So many people are so stuck in the betrayal bonds that play
out Codependent repetition compusions cycles in relationships
with people with Borderline Personality Disorder to a point even
way beyond self-abandonment, self-sacrifice, and losing yourself
that emotionally it feels impossible to live with the Borderline
or without the Borderline. Where do exists in that when there's
no middle, no room for you, no reciprocity and you are stuck
giving all the time and not being seen and heard? This is a recipe
for mental and physical health breaking down and you need to find
your way, with help, to stop the relationship recycling, get to the
point of taking action that is self-focused and self-partnering so
you can heal and recover and live your best life in all areas of
your life.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Silent Treatment vs BPD Ghosting
A commenter on my Youtube channel asked if BPD silent treatment is the same as BPD ghosting or
similar or are they different. Great question. For some people your person with (most often quiet)
BPD may well have silent treatment patterns and this is the best way you can ascertain the difference
between the silent treatment and BPD ghosting. I also talk about the internal differences in what's
happening for the Quiet Borderline.
Sessions with A.J. Mahari - https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Trauma Bonding With a Borderline - What Codependents Need To Know
Betrayal or trauma bonding with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder is how these relationships between Borderlines and Codependents dysfunction. It's why they are so painful. It's why they are so hard to end. It's why so many can't do anything but continue to pursue getting the BPD Ex back.
It's why they are relationship impossibility and partners or BPD Ex's (Codependents) lose themselves and get increasingly hurt and need to go no contact and get into their own healing and recovery processes to break these Trauma Bonds.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Idealization to Devaluation To Rumination & Ruination Get Off The BPD Rollercoaster
BPD idealization is the beginning of the intense fast-paced relationship and it is also
unconsciously for both the Borderline and the person dating or in love with this person,
the start of the ending of all you believe you have found and can continue to build on.
People in these relationships with (untreated) Borderlines go from idealization, shockingly,
to devaluation on to be ghosted, discarded, or you breakup with the Borderline and then
rumination is overwhelming and if not treated people with Codependency are the brink of
emotional and/or physical, and sometimes also, financial ruination. You need to get off the BPD rollercoaster before you really can't recognize or know yourself emotionally at all anymore.
Sessions with A.J. Mahari - https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline and Codependent Dance of Impossible Connection
Borderline and Codependent dance of impossible connection comes together from the wounded childhoods (to varying degrees) of both. People with BPD cannot connect from a lack of self. People with Codependency have learned to try to please and over-give to others to connect. It is the woundedness of each that creates the betrayal bonds - that is not just a one-way street like so many with Codependency believe.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderlines Want What (Who) They Want - Get It (You) Then Don't Want It (You) Anymore
& Why this Is
Borderlines want what (who) they want until they get what the want (or you) then they don't want
what they wanted (you) anymore. This is about the lack of self in people with BPD and what they
are unconsciously (mainly) really seeking in attempts at relationships and with attempts to "love"
and be loved.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD Idealization Devaluation Cycles - "Get-Away Closer" BPD Push/Pull
BPD idealization is not as real as BPD devaluation. Both result from the core relational impairment of
the Approach Avoidance Conflict in BPD - It's the push-pull "get-away closer" that cannot and will
not ever change until and unless each person with BPD has 8-16 years of successful treatment.
Without that treatment Borderlines have no hope of learning object constancy and object permanence. Borderline Approach/Avoid (push/pull) is the absence of object constancy. This relational deficit in people with BPD is at the very core of what makes relating to them impossible and oh, so, painful that you can lose yourself in the process.
Sessions with A.J. Mahari - https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Can You Reach Out to a BPD Ex To Help Them In Repeated Failed Attempts To Have the Impossible Conversation?
In response to a comment left on my Youtube Channel, a video "5 Reasons For BPD Lying That Destroys Relationships - Is There Biology To BPD?" which is Season 4 Episode 91 in this podcast.
Do you still want to, or do you continue to try to reach back to a BPD Ex to "start a conversation" to help them? This commenter asks a question many can relate to "How can I help her?" I address this
comment and I hope people will consider my response.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
7 Signs Your Loved One Has Borderline Personality That You Experience
7 Signs that your love one, in any relationship type, has Borderline Personality. If you are or you have
experienced any of these signs you may well have a loved one with BPD. Are you new to learning about BPD? This video can also help people who "know" but keep questioning if their loved one, girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband has BPD because they are not diagnosed - You can stop doubting yourself by listening to this episode of this podcast.
https://ajmahari.ca - Sessions - Contact
5 Reasons For BPD Lying That Destroys Relationships - Is There Biology To BPD Lying?
5 reasons (Root Causes) that explains why people with BPD lie. People with Borderline Personality - BPD - lie pervasively and often for so many reasons. BPD lying destroys relationships because you can't trust someone who lies so often about so much. There is no room for you to maintain your sanity if you keep giving them some benefit of the doubt or think they just can't help it. Is BPD Lying grounded in and "Biology of BPD?"
https://ajmahari.ca - Sessions - Contact
Borderlines are Drowning Emotionally Go No Contact Don't Drown With The Relation - SHIP
Borderlines (untreated) are drowning emotionally go no contact don't drown with the Relationship. Borderline emotional dysregulation and the major defense mechanism of splitting leave many partners,
Ex's, On/Off again "partners" playing the role of a life preserver.If you approached a person actually drowning in a pool or lake who was panicked and freaking out they often pull rescuers under who then drown as well.
Sessions with A.J. Mahari - ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline Inward Focus Leaves You Out - 5 Reasons Why
The inward focus of people with Borderline Personality Disorder is at the heart of why you really cannot be connected to them and they don't ever truly connect fully or consistently to or with you.
The inward focus of people with BPD has 5 central core reasons that all end up blocking you out and making mutuality and/or reciprocity impossible which makes your relationship unhealthy and next to impossible, if not impossible. to have work, last, or function in any remotely healthy way at all.
What Do Borderlines Need? 9 Red Flags You Can't Help Them & Why You Will Be Punished For Caring
Peope with Patterns of BPD or diagnosed and not extremely well treated and on their way to BPD
Recovery (for real) need from a partner or anyone close to them interpersonally. Why you really
can't give them what they need. 9 Red Flags why helping a borderline and meeting their needs is
impossible and how you will be punished for caring, loving them, and trying to meet their needs
and walk on all those eggshells.
Sessions with A.J. Mahari - ajmahari.ca/sessions
BPD On/Off Relationship Recycling limbo and Still Stuck Wanting Your BPD Ex Back? Why?
BPD on/off relationship recycling limbo and still stuck wanting your BPD Ex back is the
situation that a lot of people are finding themselves in. What is keeping you stuck in
these very unhealthy cycles? Why do so many keep betraying themselves? If you can relate
what is your self-abandonment due to? Your relationship to an untreated person with
Borderline Personality Disorder is a trauma bond. There is no healthy love in a trauma bond.
ajmahari.ca/sessions - Sessions With A.J. Mahari
Loving a Borderline is a One Way Relationship
When you are loving or trying to love a person with Borderline Personality, whether a significant other,
mother or father. sibling or friend it's a one way relationship. You will give and give and that person
will take and take. You want to please them, but they can't be pleased. You want to be seen and heard but they truly don't see you or hear you. Loving a Borderline is a one way relationship in which you lose yourself. There is no mutuality in these relationships. When you need something like support or being heard about feeling hurt the BPD partner or on/off Ex has nothing to give you. Why do you put up with this lack of mutuality?
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions - Sessions with A.J.
Do Borderlines Lack of Empathy?
Borderlines lack of empathy is fueled by identity disturbance - the loss of self and the arrested emotional development as a trauma response to adverse childhood experience. People with BPD unconsciously at very young ages need a lot of defense mechanisms to survive their childhoods. Their defenses in childhood become very maladaptive in adulthood in any attempts
to have relationships.
Borderline Provocation Manipulates You What Codependents Need To Know To Get Into Recovery Action to Break Free
Borderline provocation manipulates you to react & re-engage in cycles of circles that won't and can't meet your needs. Why and how can you stop the emotional reactivity? This happens in BPD Breakups and/or BPD Relationship recycling as well as in any relationship type with a person with BPD patterns and/or BPD. Codependents need to take action in a healing and recovery process to learn how to stop self-abandoning and how to regulate their own emotions to cope more effectively with choices and working toward no contact and breaking the unhealthy bond.
https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
Borderline Ghost You? Want BPD Ex Back? Is Your BPD Ex Thinking About You?
Most people who each get into a significant other relationship, with someone who ends up having
all the patterns of BPD (undiagnosed) or someone diagnosed and untreated, will get split to devaluation and ghosted.
When most people in these unhealthy relationships (having Codependency) are ghosted they want the BPD Ex back. Is your BPD Ex thinking about you? Do people with undiagnosed and/or untreated BPD really have you on their minds after splitting you to devaluation and ghosting you?
BPD Betrayal Means Can't Be Friends & No Contact Needs To Be For Life
BPD Betrayal occurs when they split you to devaluation (often even in the relationship) and then the major split to devaluation (in relationship recycling repeatedly) ghost or discard you. It is not healthy at
all to want to be friends with a Borderline that betrayed you. No contact is the way to heal. No contact needs to be for life? Why is no contact so important? I talk about why no contact is central
to breaking the trauma bond and healing and why it needs to be for life.
This episode of Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups Podcast features Season 2 Episode 8 of my Codependency Surviving Cluster B Relationships Podcast.
Codependency Painful Emotional Dangers Rooted In Family Systems 16 Patterns Re-Enacted In BPD or NPD Adult Relationships
People with Codependency, more often than not, re-enact core childhood woundness from Family
Sytems in Family of Origin in adulthood with people with BPD or NPD - 16 Patterns of Codependents with peoplw with BPD or NPD in adult relationships and more. Do you relate to one or more of the 16 patterns of feeling and or actions? To be a Codependent doesn't mean you have to have or identify with any and every pattern or explanation I give or anyone else gives. Denail is unfortunately a very strong possiblity for many people who will benefit from realizing what Codependency is, means, and the many ways you can experience it, relate from it and get into and/or stay in very toxic relationships because of the patterns of the core content of what Codpendency is and means.
BPD Splitting Destroys Relationships - 14 Signs of How & Why You Need To Stop Relationship Recyling.
Splitting in BPD is the major defence mechanism in Borderline Personality Disorder. Its roots are deep within people with BPD who core trauma caused a loss of self and arrested emotional development by or before the age of 2 years old in childhood.
You cannot help a person with BPD change or heal this core primal wounding that is the seat of the defense of splitting caused by the approach/avoidance conflict in BPD along with its disorganized style of attachment. What you need to know about splitting in a very deep dive about how it is hurting and betraying you and why you cannot and will not succeed in rescuing, changing, or fixing the person - who doesn't exist - that you as a Codependent are so "in love with".
BPD Relationship Recycling Getting Your Ex Back is Recycling The Trauma Bond
BPD relationship recycling between people with BPD and their partner/ex-partner person with Codependency getting the BPD Ex back are really recycling the core trauma bond that is not love. This is a dualistic "rebounding" by each person with BPD and each codependent on/off partner/ex of the unhealed woundedness of the core re-wounding trauma bond. It is an increasingly toxic re-wounding and painful cycle all of its own.
https://ajmahari.ca - Sessions - Contact - Blog - Podcasts - Ebooks & Courses
BPD breakup and no closure leaves so many Ex's wanting "the closure conversation" with a BPD Ex - these "closure conversations" go nowhere and only hurt you more. For the very minority of Ex's of a person with BPD that can even get to starting "the closure conversation". They aren't usually attainable. Secondly, your Ex or even on/off BPD partner won't hear you or want to listen. He or she will be triggered quickly and defend against your truth because they can't take personal responsibility. And, what you have to say about how you were hurt, not seen or heard, people with (untreated) Borderline Personality Disorder will not hear because they are too wrapped up in all of their own victimization. This "closure conversation" will quickly go from what you need and want to say to the Borderline narrative of "BPD = Victim" and now you are hurting them again (so they believe) and then they will twist it back on you and often with incredibly mean statements that wound you and your already low to no self-esteem.
I work with clients to help people heal and recover and in that process find your own closure which is much more empowering and healing then anything you could ever get from risking the "closure conversation" with your Ex.
People untreated with Borderline Personality Disorder
use people. Many may be aware of this and many more
are likely not aware consciously. They are not
emotionally capable of loving you, feceiving you love
or attaching to you. Borderlines are often using
you to help emotionally regulate them, meet many
of their needs and also seeking identity from you
due to lack of a known self or "identity".
BPD Breakup and The Mother Wound - 7 Impacting Consequences For Men with Codependency
Most men in a relationship with a girlfriend or wife with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have Codependency. The origin of Codependency is in childhood and is the result of the Mother Wound. (Can be or also be a Father Wound). It is the wounded inner child - that hurt little boy inside who didn't get enough of his emotional needs met in childhood - that unconsciously seeks out an emotionally unavailable woman in adulthood. You really do date or marry "your mother". To stop longing for a BPD or NPD Ex and still love her when she has no healthy love for you is the deep inner ache of the Mother Wound inside the little boy inside you, the man. You can heal this and it requires going deep because it isn't really all about your BPD or NPD ex or on/off recycling Ex.
Borderline Tribalism & BPD Right-Fighting - They Can't Handle The Truth
The victim narrative of so many with Borderline Personality Disorder continues to grow as they evoke a co-opted "social justice warrior" victim mentality and try to silence those who tell the truth about them. They can't handle the truth. In this Borderline Tribalism each and every one of them, untreated, or not well enough treated, who can't take personal responsibliiry and regulate their own emotions continues to claim falsely that what people say about them online or in person are "wrong" and that anything said that a Borderline doesn't like or agree with and TAKES PERSONALLY is "hurting all of us", "makes us not want to live" "means I can never have a full life" - Say what? What are they going on about?
BPD Breakup Getting Your Ex Back - Dream Come True or Nightmare Revisited? BPD Relationship breakup and recycling of relationships getting your BPD Ex back BPD breakup after BPD breakukp - how can that be healthy or working because the same cycles keep being experienced and add to your pain more and more each time. What Codependents really need to understand.
Understanding BPD more and more is not going to make your relationship healthy or sustainable. Do you feel like if this try doesn't work, you'll be okay? Codependent denial coupled with on/off breakup/relationship cycles hurts you more and more and strengthens the very Codependency that you need to heal from.
Borderline Risky Sexual behavior and bpd impulsivity is a central and core part of BPD for many but now all. Impulsivity acted out through risky sexual behavior means partners being cheated on, BPD monkey branching or many with BPD seeking to re-engage sexually with an Ex or more than one Ex. Why do people with BPD cheat (many often) as you are split to devaluation blamed for how the Borderline feels often ghosted or discarded because the Borderline is not consciously aware of why they feel what they feel with all the triggered emotional dysregulation they cannot (untreated) manage or cope with at all?
Borderlines Always Know What They Are Doing Codependents Logical Fallacies and Biases will help you to be more consciously aware of how much and why you need to focus on yourself and how skewed the internet echo chamber can be. Is that helping you? Or enabling your codependency?
The Borderline Red Herring Fallacy is experienced by anyone close to a person with Borderline Personality. Especially BPD partners, on/off recycling relationships, BPD Hoovers or your reverse hoovers. What is this red herring fallacy?
What does the Borderline Red Herring Fallacy have to do with Codependents? How does it effect you? Do Codependents also experience their own red herring fallacy?
BPD relationship impossibility exists in the dynamics of polyamory or monogamy.
People with all the patterns of BPD undiagnosed, or diagnosed both groups
untreated are not emotionally capable of anything that even remotely resembles
a healthy relationship.
While Polyamory and Monogamy have fundamental differences, when there is a person
with untreated BPD in any relationship the dynnamics at core collapse from the
relational efforts of the person with BPD, regardless of relationship types.
A.J. Mahari responds to a Youtube viewers comments on a Youtube Video and talks about
and explains the reality that people don't need to know if someone
is 100% diagnosable with BPD when you see in them and experience
from them all the BPD patterns and traits. Many people who could
be diagnosed with BPD never will be. Why do you like so many still want
your BPD Ex back? Codependent repetition compulsions make not getting
back with your Ex "feel impossible" even though you've lost yourself and
been traumatized.
So many Codependents still trapped in the trauma bond want a BPD Ex,
diagnosed or not back, why is that? The only way to truly break the
trauma bond and heal and recover from the BPD Relationship Breakup
and Codependency is working with an expert to do so.
BPD Girlfriend Wants Space - Slow Split to Devaluation and Ghosting - Now what?
When a BPD girlfriend or BPD Boyfriend wants space it is a slow split to devaluation
and ghosting - Now what? What does this mean? Is it over? Is it a final discard?
what is a slow split to devaluation and ghosting anyway?
Not all people with Borderline Personality Disorder are the same. Even untreated, they do not all have a rapid, sudden, split to devaluation that leads to ghosting. Many do but many don't.
If your BPD girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband, wants space, and is manifesting the slow split to devaluation and ghosting for the first time, or in a patterned way, you can't really know if it's a final ghosting or a discard for a period of time, In the meantime I help people who book sessions with me to understand this better and to learn coping strategy to help you as you try to understand what is happening and what it may mean for your near future, or not.
There is a plethora of misinformation out there that isn't going to help the vast majoirty of you at all.
Are you continuing to focus on the person with BPD in your life or who was in your life? What about you? How can you build a bridge back to a healthier you? The first step is to get into therapy and startto learn how to start focusing on you and not the Cluster B.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder uhtreated or not successfully
treated cannot, will not, do not and have not loved you. People with BPD
do not know how to love or attach to you because they do not know the
"lost self" within BPD. People with BPD have no self from which to relate
to others. People with BPD are not capable of loving you.
They do not know how to receive your love and they are grappling
with the push/pull of the approach/avoidance conflict. Borderlines have
a disorganized attachment style that really means untreated they don't know
how to attach. People with BPD have no object constancy.
How to achieve Surviving a BPD Relationship Breakup that is actually the end of therelationship and the breakup. How and why endless focus on is the Borderline only a Borderline or a BPD/NPD or a
Borderline 'Psychopath' is meaningless because it keeps you stuck in the pain and
agony of not focusing on yourself and your own healing and recovery journey to
break free of the unhealthy bond and no longer need endless dramatic videos,
misinformation and/or more and more about Cluster B that keeps you mired in the
emotional muck of not getting to the surviving of an ended BPD Breakup so that you
can go on to a new chapter in your life.
Moving forward, after a formal in depth healing and recovery journey to be BPD relationship free and remain Cluster B Free!
Borderlines or narcissists do not cause or create situational (or "Temporary")
Narcissism or "acquired narcissism" in people with Codependency. To suggest
that this has any factual truth to it is to misinform people with
Codependency. Codependency is still not that well understood for what
it really is, means, and how people develop codepenency in childhood.
It is extermely important not to fuse Codependency with BPD or NPD or the traits
of because Codependency is its own painful mental health challenge. It is
separate from BPD and NPD no matter how much has been hurt and loses more of
self to a person with BPD or NPD.
Malignant Borderline is a meaningless term. An internet term not a clinical term.
It is now being forwarded online as slippery language for (supposedly) co-morbid
BPD/ASPD women. In this podcast I give you 8 traits of ASPD and the 4 C's that can
help you differentiate a woman (or man) with ASPD from one with BPD.
Less than 2% of all women diagnosed with BPD (according to all the
research papers to date) fit this BPD/ASPD or "secondary psychopathy" ideological
narrative forwarded from what remains pseudoscience.
A response and my understanding or this "psychopathy" or "secondary psychopathy"
co-mingled with BPD and really not in a meaningful way. I responsd ro another
Youtuber - a therapist - who essentially describes BPD as Malignant Borderline Females
by describing BPD and not explaining well or at all the delineation between "Malignant
Borderline" (which is meaningless) or BPD/ASPD (controversial) from Borderline
Personality Disorder. Less than 2 % of all women diagnosed with BPD, according to
researchers would be "malignant borderlines" = Co-morbid BPD/ASPD or even
"secondary psychopaths".
BPD Breakup that doesn't seem to have an end in sight. What is the BPD Final
Discard? Is there such a thing as a BPD final discard? How to go from
this limbo place to ending BPD Breakup ghost and/or discard cycles.
For most people after being ghosted or discarded by a Borderline or Narcissist Ex
rumination is central and very painful. For those also with Limerence this
focus on the Ex can be even more intense. The intense focus on the Cluster B
increases your pain and your increased pain will exacerbate the intensity of
your focus on the Cluster B. This is agony, and dangerous emotionally and physically
because it means that your mind and body are in a hyperfocused and hyperaroused state
of flight/figh, freeze or fawn trauma response. Most people need professional help
to learn how to cope more effectively and break the cycles of this unhealthy focus
that can block your recovery.
BPD hoovers are about the borderline - not you. People with Borderline Personality
do not consider your needs or feelings when they hoover. They are as usual only
thinking about themselves and their wants and needs. In BPD Hoovers Borderlines
lie, make false promises, and effectively gaslight you. BPD Hoovers trigger
the codependent's sense of I can fix what I did wrong and get a do-over. People
with Codependency self-abandon themselves and minimize their own pain so quickly
when a borderline hoovers. Hoovers are not only for the borderline but they are
also extremely manipulative. Engaging a Borderline hoover promises you only a
recycled repeat of getting wounded more and all over again.
7 Signs that you are relating to a person with Borderline Personality who may not be
diagnosed or if diagnosed hasn't disclosed that to you. These 7 signs are more
nuanced to emotional instability and the communication impossibility that are both
core deficits of people with BPD, diagnosed or not. Too many people have a sense
or highly suspect a person you are dating or in a relationship with has BPD but aren't
sure what to do because they don't have positive proof that this person has BPD.
People with Codependency, especially, will often keep denying how they are being hurt
and will abandon self to try to fix this other person. Codependent lack of self trust
can impede your ending the relationship because you are "not sure". No one need be
100 percent sure if two or three or more of thsse 7 signs are being experienced.
Borderlines and Codependents both have considerable denial. It's not manifested
in each groups lives the exact same way yet it underpins a lot of this most
unhealthy bond. Online Borderlines often use "we" when they share their narrative
(often not a very aware one). People with Codependency most often use "they" and
this matters not only because of Codependent denial but also the often focused on
"they" is an obstacle to healing and recovery and increases exponentially the pain
of people with Codependency in, during, and after the BPD relationship breakup.
The relational impossibility with people with Borderline Personality Disorder is about them - NOT YOU! It's time to respect yourself, get into therapy to heal and recover and go and stay no contact. It's time to find you again. The breakup was not you, it was the borderline.
You are not at fault or to blame.
BPD or NPD relationship breakups. The first step to surviving and transitioning to an
active recovery process begins with a rationally known final Breakup even when
cognitive and emotional dissonance still drives rumination and strong feelings of
wanting an Ex back but knowing that you just can't do it again.
BPD relationships are no win relationships for those with BPD and for those who
try so hard to love them. They are about control struggle two-way dynamics.
These relationships between people with BPD and people with Codependency lack
emotional intimacy, lack respect, lack mutuality and reciprocity. BPD Relationships
are no win relationships with all the foundational pillars of healthy love being absent
leaving these relationships trying to function in trauma bonds that increase emotional
pain, suffering, and loss of self of loved ones.
BPD triggers are real but others closest to a person with BPD do not cause their
triggers. You are not responsible for how they feel. And, Borderlines, while
responsible for often hurting others, and lacking any personal responsibility or
accountability - they don't make people with Codependency or who are close to them
feel how you feel either. It is how you think that creates how you feel.
There are 10 major choices that can lead to the action of trying to get your BPD Ex back that have consequences. For most who might succeed at getting a BPD Ex back the Borderline devaluation cycles that lead to relationship breakup again
happen faster and there is no re-idealization in getting a BPD Ex back.
These relationships are unhealthy, and will not work out.
BPD Breakup - Want Your Ex Back? Codependents Need For Radical Acceptance
In In any BPD Relationship Breakup Ex's or on/off Ex's often with Codependency
need to learn and pratice radical acceptance along with getting expert help
whether still wanting the BPD Ex back or not. Radically accepting that people
with untreated BPD do not love you, cannot love you or attach to you, and they
cannot take in your love is a core practice that can be an effective part of
getting into a healing and recovery process.
Borderline Revolving Door Situationship -Can It Work? Borderline Revolving Door
Situationships see the borderline come and go many times in weeks or months.
Why do Codependents keep letting them come back?
Does Your BPD Ex Remember The Good Times? A.J. Mahari's answer, the explanation and
how staying invested in this answer is self-abandonment and going to increase your pain. What do you need to do to get past this question and false hope to start healing your pain?
Borderline Inability To Communicate Part 2 Tennis Anyone? A.J. Mahari in Part 2 of the impossibility of communicating in BPD relationships to people with untreated BPD who have no logic and no self from which to communicate mutually rather than defend at all costs.
Borderline Core Communication Deficits No Ability to Repair Or Give Closure to Any BPD Episode. Untreated people with BPD have no emotional maturity to take personal responsibility and be open to reparative communication instead they defend, deflect, blame, rage, and twist your words back at you in a projective and childlike way.
Reverse Hoovers of The Borderline After Being Ghosted only increase your pain after a BPD Relationship Breakup. The path to surviving the BPD Relationship Breakup and learning to cope with your pain means getting into action in therapy to heal and recover from the relationship and family of origin childhood trauma or woundedness.
BPD Splitting More Devaluation Less Idealization In BPD Relationships - A.J. Mahari goes deep into BPD Splitting revealing that there is no continued cycle of idealization to devaluation but rather devaluation to its cessation temporarily to BPD base mood. People with BPD do not see or hear you for who you really are just as object other parent representation re-experiencing repetition compulsions cycles of childhood adverse experiences. These relationships are unhealthy and impossible.
A commenter to my Youtube channel left a comment as to his theory or
belief that there is so much more involved in and happening for
people with suspected or untreated Borderline Personality in the initial
Idealization Phase of beginning a relationship. A.J. Mahari points out
how and why this person's trying to apply perceived logic and rational
about people with BPD isn't a part of the initial idealization phase
BPD Relationship Cycle 7 Stages Of Rinse and Repeat - The "Archetypal" stages and phases that continually repeat and re-occur in repetition compulsions unconscious ways for and with people with untreated BPD and those who try to love them - often people with Codependency. A.J. Mahari explains the BPD Relationship Cycle that is rinse and repeat until the partner or Ex partner gets into treatment to break the trauma bond and heal from the relationship and why NO CONTACT is essential to ending this incredibly painful toxic relationship cycle.
Inside BPD Idealization Does or Did the Borderline Love You? A.J. Mahari explains how you are not seen and heard in idealization either. The intense and fast relationship beginning with a person with BPD is creating a fantasy bond within a trauma bond. Untreated people with BPD can't love or attach to you. You are, to them, "Object Other Parent Representative within the unconscious repetition compulsion cycles of untreated borderlines.
Borderlines and Narcissists - Codependent’s Focus On Cluster B's Is Not The Way of Healing. A.J. Mahari explains why continuing to focus son a borderline or narcissist Ex and/or parent or friend is not the way to heal and in fact will block you getting into the action of a formal healing and recovery journey. Even when you are "out" of the relationship after leaving or being ghosted or discarded how do you emotionally and focus-wise heal and totally get out of the relationship, detach, and move forward without recycling.
Misunderstanding and myths about what is and what isn't people with Borderline Personality having empathy. BPD Projection and Projective Identification Not Empathy.
Borderline "Love" Why it Just Ends - A.J. Mahari explains why those for loved ones or Ex's of someone with Borderline Personality why their love can just abruptly end with no logical or understood reason. When a person with Borderline Personality untreated ghosts or discards you how does their "love" just end?
Borderlines Why If They Go to Treatment Often Don't They Stay In Treatment and what this means for you and relationships.
Extreme Pain of No Contact after a BPD Relationship Breakup - How to survive it by getting help to heal a nd not by trying to endure it. No contact is the way forward. No looking back, no getting the BPD Ex back. There's a difference between what you want and what you need. A.J. Mahari has 32 years experience helping people heal this extreme pain and agony
after these most painful breakups.
Narcissistic Abuse - Healing from BPD or NPD Abuse
Codependency is Not The Flip Side of Pathological Narcissism in NPD. A.J. Mahari discusses why people
with Codeendency need to understand this difference and who is forwarding it online - mostly Cluster B's specifically Narcissists or a Narcissistic Psychopathic YouTuber.
Codependency is not pathological narcissism and it isn't Narcissistic Personality Disorder either. Comparisons between Codependency and NPD are not accurate. Codependency is not a personality disorder.
BPD NPD Relationships What is Limerence 12 Signs 5 Traits Codependents Limerence Triggered by a
Borderline or a Narcissist. AJ Mahari focuses the definition and scope of Limerence in a way that is aimed specifically at people who are in or were in a relationship with a Borderline or Narcissist with Codependency many of whom will be experiencing Limerence.
BPD Breakup Will BPD Ex Come Back The Uncertainty and Fear of No Contact - A.J. Mahari provides in depth insight into the longing seemingly endless focus of so many
People who are now an Ex of someone with BPD. Wat codependents really need to know.
BPD Breakup Men The Man Up Be Tough Message Has Nothing To Do With the Breakup and Will Not Win The BPD Woman Back - Counsellor and Trauma Recovery Coach AJ Mahari
Borderline Projective Identification and the effects it has on loved ones, parnters, Ex's of those with BPD. Codependent introjection of Borderline Projective Identification - Inside the Trauma Bond Dynamics.
Can you keep a Person with Borderline Personality Disorder Happy or Make them Happy or is this Codependent denial?
BPD Breakups Leave Ex's wondering if the BPD Ex will find someone better and be happy with them. Rumination is pervasive very common and extremely painful. Codependents ruminate about an with BPD without their own therapy because they don't know how to let go. Rumination is negative and deep and not just about the BPD Ex. I work with clients to help them break patterned rumination.
Borderline Abuse of partners is significant and traumatizing. Both men and women with BPD abuse their partners. Many who are in relationships with someone with suspected or diagnosed BPD are trauma bonded due to their own codependency. Abuse is not love. Untreated Borderlines don't attach or love they try to possess you, control you, and they often become obsessed. Borderline abuse is a deal breaker and codependents need therapy to break the trauma bond and heal from broken abusive relationships and codependency.
Part 3 of 3 Loving an untreated person with Borderline Personality is impossible.
The inequity and injustice men experience when a marriage with a borderline ex breaksup and
their are children involved as well as a question from a woman about her male BPD Ex.
Part 2 of 3 Loving a Borderline is Impossible with a lot of questions from men and focus on many challenges that are more difficult for men in a relationship breakup with a Borderline Female and therapy is so important to healing codependency and from these relationship breakups.
Part 1 of 3 Loving a Borderline is Impossible - From a Youtube Live Stream A.J. Mahari did January 12, 2022 Loving a Borderline is impossible. Surviving a BPD Relationship Breakup means coming to terms with this in therapy and healing your codependency.
Borderline Personality and Secondary Psychopathy, not proven, but as conflicting studies indicate, it is not a reality for all with BPD but may well be for the most severe cases of BPD. Secondary Psychopathy in BPD does not mean a percentage of those with severe BPD are Psychopaths. It is also not (as A.P.A.) claims only in women with Severe BPD but Men with Severe BPD also. In my 31 years of working with clients approx 10% to 15% have experienced a person (Ex) in their life with Severe BPD and who likely had secondary psychopathy. What is it and what does it mean in those with BPD who have it. Secondary Psychopathy is not a Borderline splitting and becoming a "Psychopath" at all.
A.J. Mahari Interview with Author and BPD Expert Randi Kreger who co-authored Stop Waking on Eggshells - Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Love Has Borderline Personality Disorder. Randi's books are in the podcast intro and she has 2 new books coming in 2022. Randi talks about BPD, what she has termed Conventional and Unconventional BPD, and BPD/NPD trait or Personality Disorder Co-Morbidity. Everyone can learn from Randi Kreger and in this interview no matter the relationship type you have or had with someone with BPD. Randi's website is https://stopwalkingoneggshells.com
Borderline Personality and Codependent's Trauma Bonds are Not Rooted in Addiction But are rooted in Trauma - A Deep Dive to help you understand the Trauma Bond, it's underpinnings for those with BPD and for those with Codependency. It's not addiction that makes a trauma bond so difficult to break yet it can feel like that.
Counsellor and Trauma Recovery Coach, A.J. Mahari, answers the question: "What is Codependent"
What is Codependency and why is it so important to understand more about Codependency for those who have are in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality or who is in the pain of Surviving the BPD or NPD Relationship Breakup? Follow A.J. Mahari's Codependency Recovery Podcast as well as this one.
BPD NPD Co-Morbid Alcoholic My Ex Part 2 A.J. Mahari's Experience
I am out here to work with you if I resonate with you. I have lived experience with this Ex a
BPD NPD Comorbid Mother and a Dark Triad Father both of whom were alcoholics.
BPD or NPD relationship recovery and Codependency recovery. Breaking the trauma bond.
A.J. Mahari on Her BPD NPD Co-Morbid Ex - How The Relationship Began Groomed By a BPD/NPD social worker.
Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups - BPD Ex Carlos On His Experience Dating and Breaking Up with a woman with Borderline Personality. Carolos has some very empowering and positive experience to share near the end of this episode. If you want to be interviewed and/or share your story please go to https://ajmahari.ca/contact and email A.J. Mahari.
A.J. Mahari interviews a man who was in a relationship and marriage with a Borderline woman. He was beaten, raged at, discarded, and is currently appealing a court ruling that has left him without seeing his son for over 2 years. He divorced the BPD wife, now Ex, there was a brief relationship recycle try and as all-too-many men know the courts most of the time do not understand untreated BPD and its psychological and or physiological impact and even danger to children.
Counsellor and Trauma Recovery Coach A.J. Mahari shares insight into BPD Male Instant Trauma Bond Dynamics With Codependent Woman Mary who shares her story and experience with a man with BPD and her Codependency.. Many people ho are or were in a relationship with someone with BPD have Codependency.
Counsellor and Trauma Recovery Coach, A.J. Mahari, Interviews Mikael, a man who has been in 6 relationship with 6 different Borderline Women and has Survived 6 BPD Breakups. He is currently aware he has codependency and is 60 days full no contact from his last BPD Ex.
BPD & Mental Health Challenges "Mother's Day" Writer Director Travis Carlson Interview. Travis Carlson talks about his movie and his experiences with his mother and Mental Health Challenges. This movie is a must-see!
BPD Mother Codependent Son and the pain in between Independent Movie All Will Relate to "Mother's Day" and his experience. A son trying to help his mother see her impulsive decisions and a Mother who thinks all black or all white and who needs to be parented. A mother who is fear based and can't even train her dog properly. A mother struggling - it it BPD?
BPD Relationship Dynamics with Codependents Projection and Introjection is explained more in depth and A.J. Mahari has a course coming that goes even more in depth designed for people with Codependency needing to break the trauma bond with a person with BPD and who will benefit from their own healing and recovery journey. Included Melanie Klein's Phantasy that addresses the beginning of life in an Object Relations lens, projective identification of those with BPD and the inter-play between people with BPD - their introjections & projections and the introjections and projections of people with Codependency.
It is next to impossible to communicate with a person with untreated BPD in any and all attempts to seek closure and reparation of any BPD Episode. BPD communication impossibility ends up in accruing pain and confusion for loved ones or Ex's and often leads to the "J.A.D.E. Conversation".
A commenter on a video on my Youtube Channel (as a few have recently) asked about Attachment Style vs Codependency. It is Codependent denial to think that the trauma bond with a borderline was caused by or can be resolved by a focus on the non-borderline's attachment style. Also explained in this episode is the impossibility of a relationship with someone with untreated Borderline Personality Disorder.
Surviving a BPD Relationship Breakup means not re-cycling the relationships one or more times as many people do. 5 Reasons why BPD Ex's re-cycle back into these relationships. Codependency makes it even more challenging to break the trauma bond.
BPD Breakups Codependent Protective Patterns Inhibit Your Recovery - From a Live Stream on A.J. Mahari's Youtube Channel. Codependency recovery is painful as is recovery from the BPD Breakup.
Do Borderlines play the victim? Are Borderlines professional victims. Where that victim mentality comes from and how it more often than not is an unconscious repetition compulsion. What does this mean if you have been abused by someone with BPD?
Understanding BPD and a definition of Codependency that helps people understand the trauma bonds of these unhealthy relationships. Why people with Codependency need to heal in therapy to survive a BPD Relationship Breakup.
Why do people with Borderline Personality especially untreated behave like they often due, abuse you, not ever take responsibility for that. Another relational impossibility is that people with BPD until and unless significantly treated cannot share objective reality with you.
Too many BPD Ex's Codependents Need To Rush To Next Relationship Before Recovery which is not healthy, practical or wise. It is often many people with Codependency continuing to avoid their own needed healing and recovery and continuing to abandon themselves.
In search of intimacy with an untreated person with Borderline Personality proves to be relationship ending one way or the other sooner if not later. People with BPD untreated are not capable of emotional intimacy.