Dancing With Skeletons: Recent Episodes
Liz Stoeckel & Debi Ruud/Music by Darrell Devaurs/Artwork by John Alden
We all have skeletons in our closet. We also know how much we’ve learned from the mistakes in our past. So, every once in a while, we dance with our skeletons. Come dance with us!
If you’re considering taking your own life, please call the suicide hotline by simply dialing 988 from any smart phone. Someone is waiting to listen - really listen. You can also call, 800-442-HOPE (4673) from a landline.
Kate recommended the book Night Falls Fast: https://www.amazon.com/Night-Falls-Fast-Understanding-Suicide/dp/0375701478
For more information, please check out the following books and resources.
(The author of this book is the developer of Internal Family Systems; Richard Schwartz. There are soooo many more, but this one is his latest)
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model Paperback – July 6, 2021by Richard Schwartz Ph.D. (Author), Alanis Morissette (Introduction)
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model Paperback – July 6, 2021
Restoring Relationship: Transforming Fear into Love Through Connection Paperback – September 29, 2020by Molly LaCroix (Author)
Altogether You: Experiencing personal and spiritual transformation with Internal Family Systems therapyby Jenna Riemersma and Dr. Richard Schwartz | May 20, 2020
Trauma Blocks Love. Love Heals Trauma. (frankandersonmd.com)
https://jennariemersma.com/findanifstherapist/
When we recorded today’s episode, we experienced a few technical difficulties. I hope the sound quality isn’t too distracting. We appreciate you all so much!
www.debiruud.com
www.dancingwithskeletons.net
It's been a minute since we've sat down and caught up. Debi and her husband John opened a second music school location, Liz had surgery on BOTH feet, and the community choir we both love is once again meeting and singing in person. After two years, things seem to be getting back to normal. Well, our new normal, and we celebrate the good, the bad, the wins and losses.
www.DancingWithSkeletons.net
www.DebiRuud.com
Contact us at WeDanceWithSkeletons@Gmail.com
For more about global Christianity and the way the world’s view of God and the Bible differs from American Christianity, check out the works of Australian theologian Michael Bird.
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email: Wedancewithskeletons@gmail.com
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venmo.com/Liz-Stoeckel-1
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We are all going through STUFF. Let’s find reasons to be grateful and people to bless. We just don’t know what humans around us are going through. Hug a friend or family member and tell them how much you love them. We just don’t know which day will be our last day.
The show will go on with or without us, so why not make it a priority to show up!
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www.dancingwithskeletons.net
If you want to dig deeper into the “Everything Is Spiritual” freedoms, we recommend visiting www.RobBell.com and www.NonpartisanEvangelical.com
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In the early 1980’s the “anti-abortion” coalition worked to change its messaging. The “pro-choice” side was perceived as positive, while the “anti-abortion” side was perceived as negative. As soon as they successfully changed their marketing to “pro-life”, they were seen in a much more positive light. Today “pro-life” doesn’t mean “one who defends all life”, but rather it means, “one who doesn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose her own medical care”.
In this episode, Liz expresses her anger at learning the extreme hatred that was taught to her kids by their Sunday School teachers when they were little. In her naïveté, she believed her kids were simply being taught to love God and love people, but she was wrong. They were taught that women who had abortions were murderers and AIDS was God’s punishment for being gay.
The Covid-19 global pandemic is now a year and a half old. Our global health crisis is now a toddler who is walking fast and talking back. To mask or not to mask? Is the vaccine safe? Will we need to close down again? Can the government do that?
We’re all passionate, concerned, scared, confused, angry, etc… We share and overshare, we suppress and express, we listen and listen and listen some more, but we are tired.
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Paul began to feel that something within The American Christian Church was just not right. He didn’t really have a word for what he was feeling, but now he would call it “deconstruction”. He stopped listening to Rush Limbaugh and taking in the right-wing media that had helped to form his way of thinking.
Spiritual deconstruction is hard and it involves losing friends and family you never thought you’d lose. Living with peace and integrity, however, is worth it all.
www.pastor-paul.com
“When Joseph Comes To Town’
Today Debi shares the calm and joy she recently experienced when she spent the weekend at a Yoga retreat with her daughter Karter. In today’s climate, isn’t finding peace in the storm of life something we all want? We’re all doing our best to move forward with the lessons we’ve learned and the growth we’ve experienced.
www.dancingwithskeletons.net
“Love means never having to say you're sorry" is a catchphrase based on a line from the Erich Segal novel Love Story and was popularized by its 1970 film adaptation starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal. But, is that really what love looks like?
Everyone is talking about the “new normal”. Have you found yours? We’re definitely still trying to navigate through the murky waters of post-pandemic reintroduction to community and life.
The heart and body wants to heal. Liz and Debi are open to finding that healing in some non-traditional places like bar planks, stalled cars, torn shirts, and small towns. Today we celebrate the wisdom and healing that comes when we open our hearts and minds.
The Brave Little Toaster
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We want you to know there is always the light of hope. If you find yourself struggling and thinking of suicide, please reach out to someone you can trust or the suicide hotline at 800-273-8255.
https://www.dancingwithskeletons.net
https://www.fresnomusicacademy.com
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Both Debi and I have been able to slowly get back to some of the creative outlets we had before the pandemic. Oh how we’ve missed getting together with people who have a yes/and outlook on art and life. We may not all agree on politics, religion, mandates, or other social constructs, but when we approach relationships with a yes/and heart we open ourselves to new knowledge, thoughts, relationships, and amazing growth.
https://www.fresnomusicacademy.com
https://debiruud.com
Debi lost her beloved dog Bella this past week. Bella was the most loyal pet Debi had ever had the privilege of loving and she often called her the “Jesus dog”. If you’ve owned a pet, you know what loyalty REALLY looks like. They give more than they take and they love you unconditionally.
The past year and a half has been really hard - it’s been a panDAMNic and we’re ready for it all to be behind us. But what a shame it would be if we failed to learn the lessons the virus came to teach us.
See the picture of Debi and her beloved Bella at www.dancingwithskeletons.net
In today’s podcast episode we talk about who we wanted to be, what got in our way, and how we overcame some of the obstacles. We pay homage to some of the people who encouraged us, recognized our gifts, and gave us the courage to pursue our dreams. In this episode, Debi asked Liz to talk about a post she put up on Facebook. In the moment, Liz managed to mangle it all up, but below you’ll see the image and understand the post. Imagine an empty room. Now tell yourself this truth: In this room is everyone whose opinion about you matters. Now go be the change you want to see in the world.
Religion is for people who are trying to avoid hell. Spirituality is for people who’ve already been there.
www.dancingwithskeletons.net
www.fresnomusicacademy.com
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People come into our lives to teach us lessons about life, the world, and ourselves. Liz and Debi believe that our own kids are born into this world to teach us and expose our weaknesses and biases. Of course we as parents mold and guide our kids, but let’s not miss the lessons they teach us!
We boycott and cancel everything from television shows to dish soap, to coffee shops. To what end? While we may feel better about our moral high ground, we’ve got to remember that we are not an island and our actions affect so many others.
https://www.fresnomusicacademy.com
https://marriedwithchildren.fandom.com/wiki/Rakolta_Boycott
Liz and Debi have both worked for people and organizations whose leaders regularly berate and talk down to their employees and team members. For them, that seems to work. But does that type of leadership grow a strong and healthy work environment? Leaders must figure out what kind of team members they want and how to draw those people in.
The best leaders lead with their head, heart, and hands.
Secrets always come out. The longer they’re held, the more difficult it will be when they are finally revealed. Today, we’re dancing with secrets.
We know we’ve come to the end of our rope when the smallest thing causes our emotions to tip into crazy. If you’re not the one who has lost a job in the midst of Covid-19, you know someone who has. If you’re not the one who has been sick or hospitalized, you know someone who has.
Ignoring life’s challenges and detours only puts off the inevitable. Are we at the “new normal” yet, or is there more to learn? The not knowing can paralyze us, but standing still is not an option, so we’ll keep moving forward.
When someone cries out for prayer on social media, we promise “thoughts and prayers”, but what does that really mean? I’m guessing it means different things to different people. For us, prayer means we throw positive energy out into the Universe. God knows what we need and He wants to reveal the answers to us. For us, prayer is the act of connecting to God, the Divine, and the Universe and we need connections more now than ever.
In today’s podcast episode Liz and Debi discuss the shootings in both Atlanta and Colorado. There are no easy answers, but we want to give space to share our collective sadness and grief. It is our desire to be a source of light and love.
Dancing With Skeletons is sponsored by Fresno Music Academy and Arts.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, can occur in all people, of any ethnicity, nationality or culture, and at any age. PTSD affects approximately 3.5 percent of U.S. adults every year, and an estimated one in 11 people will be diagnosed with PTSD in their lifetime. Women are twice as likely as men to have PTSD.
2020 was a VERY difficult year for people of color here in America. Allison Lanford never imagined that racism would be a part of her regular life or that she would be faced with having “the talk” with her very young son.
Liz gets weepy in today’s episode when she discusses the beauty and hope depicted in the Broadway show, Come From Away. The show is based on the true story of the passengers from 38 planes that were diverted after the attacks of 9/11 to Gander, Newfoundland. The airspace was closed and people from all over the world suddenly found themselves in a strange place being cared for by strangers. Come From Away will remind you of who we CAN be in times of crisis.
Come From Away - Book, Music, Lyrics by Irene Sankoff and David Hein
What happens when we believe we’re in a safe place, but that space becomes toxic? We often give our heart and love and friendship to people with whom we share our life and orbit. Brene’ Brown says, “genetics loads the gun; environment pulls the trigger”. When we know our genetics might not be on our side, we seek healthy environments so that our families have the best chances at success. But things don’t always go as planned.
Some of our friends and family have said and done incredibly hurtful things over the past year of unrest. Opinions, fear, anger, and misinformation can cause us to say unhealthy things in the moment. What happens after we say something unkind or hurtful and then somewhere down the road we find ourselves in a different place and a different mindset? Can we or should we apologize to the people we hurt along the way?
Liz and Debi talk in today’s podcast episode about showing grace to people who’ve broken our hearts or judged us harshly. The two of us are in very different places than we were even just five years ago. Why not assume others may have grown and changed as well?
email us at: wedancewithskeletons@gmail.com
www.debiruud.com
Each one of us deal with stress differently, but deal we must. In today’s podcast episode Liz and Debi talk about how they process anxiety. A therapist once told Debi that “homicide is healthier than suicide”. In other words, it’s so often easier to blame others for what’s going on around us than it is to take personal responsibility for the struggles we face.
Our hearts are hurting over broken relationships, lost moments, misinformation, and a new and growing willingness to cut people out our lives over minor disagreements. I doubt we’re alone in our sadness and we want to check in with all of you today. How are you? What’s on your heart today?
If you want to share your story or contact Liz or Debi, email us at WeDanceWithSkeletons@Gmail.com
www.DancingWithSkeletons.net
Insurrection: A violent uprising against an authority or government. We know that our country is hurting. While we don't have all the answers, we do know that love heals all words. How can we love better?
In order to have a healthy relationship with other humans, we must sometimes forgive them. In order to have healthy relationships with ourselves, we must forgive the junk of our past—often every single day.
Few things are harder than losing an entire community. Loneliness causes us to sometimes make bad or thoughtless decisions that can lead to more heartbreak.
In today’s episode Debi and I share pieces of our broken hearts in hopes of encouraging our listeners to be vulnerable to love and authenticity. What breaks your heart? When we look at what hurts us the most, we’ll find that which we care about most.
There are so many things that are out of our control in today's climate. Staying positive means staying focused on that which we can control.
Social media is a mecca for fake news, false information, and downright lies. It’s also a good place to go for support, kindness, and good information in times of need. Today we talk about discernment, the importance of listening to our inner voice, and learning to trust ourselves.
Thanksgiving will be different this year for most of us. Our family gatherings will be smaller or virtual. For some of us our wallets are thinner and relationships are strained, but there is still much to be thankful for.
This is part 2 of our interview with Debi’s good friend Kelly Wolffe.
Can you hear God’s voice in a tuna casserole?
If you have questions about prostate cancer, please reach out to the American Cancer Society @ www.cancer.org
In this episode Liz interviews Debi and her friend Kelly Wolffe, who’ve been friends since Junior High. These two women found ways to navigate competition, life’s changes and challenges, differences of opinion, heartbreak, and loss.
Tony Fields - Actor and Dancer
The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns
You Lost Me; Why Young People Have Left The Church by David Kinnaman
UnChristian by David Kinnaman
Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why by Bart D. Ehrman
Podcasts we recommend: The RobCast with Rob Bell, Non-Partisan Evangelical Podcast with Paul Swearengin, Church Pulse Weekly with Carey Nieuhoff and David Kinnaman
Many of us have found ourselves asking the question, “now what?”. The answer to that question may lie inside of us and wants to come out in dreams when we’re silent and more likely to listen.
When we face the loss of dreams and plans, mourning is the go-to emotion for most of us. Perhaps this time of global disruption is the perfect time to remind us to celebrate what we have and all we’ve survived. Debi and I talk about dancing with loss and how it reminds us we’re still here to tell the story.
Betrayal is one of the most difficult things to reconcile. It can take a very long time to accept that someone we trusted can so easily betray our confidence.
When Debi interviews Liz we find out how they met and what brought them together to create this podcast.
Today Liz and Debi share a bit about the guilt they’ve carried and what it taught them about how to be a better person.