“Constraint” and “Modesty”

Enryo is an extremely important principle of personal conduct, and is translated as “reserve” or “constraint.”

It prevents people from imposing too much on others.

In addition, it stops people from taking too much advantage of another person’s kindness.

Out of reserve, a person may remain silent in a group of people.

A person may keep his or her distance from others.

Speaking without reserve or demanding too much of others are considered improper.

However, exercising too much enryo, one cannot become close to others.

To make a guest feel comfortable, the host may say “enryo wa irimasen.”

In response, the guest should keep a balance between accepting kindness and not taking advantage of the host’s kindness.

Modesty is important in Japan.

A modest or humble person keeps himself in the background.

He doesn’t show off.

In a group, he may hesitate to speak, even if he has something worth communicating.

He may hesitate to show a skill, even if he has ability worth showing.

Sometimes people take modesty too far.

They lower themselves excessively.

This forces the other person to encourage them to speak up or participate.

This can be tiring for others.

This modesty originates from Japanese not wishing to go ahead of others, to be self-assertive, to stand out, or to show off one’s abilities and in any way make others feel uncomfortable.