There were quite a few years of my life after the concussions that I didn’t show up much for life. At least, I didn’t show up for the parts of life that I had always shown up for. It was perhaps the hardest part of the “old” life to let go of. In many ways, it felt like I was disappearing.Once I began to stabilize and regain a less dysfunctional brain, there was a lot of disappointment around not being able to show up consistently. That was its own agony and eventually I think we wished that we could just avoid planning or committing to anything because we didn’t know what kind of day I would be having. Saying, “I’m sorry, but we won’t be coming after all” gets old pretty quickly.“Showing up” was something I became uncertain of being able to do and more and more afraid of because of a growing list of experiences where I couldn’t and didn’t.Trying to push through and show up often led to lengthy regressions and longer recovery times.It was a rough cycle.Much learned. But rough.As I have come back online with vocational life over the past 3 or so years, “just show up” has been one of my mantras.I don’t have to show off to show up. I just need to show up. If at all possible, I show up with what I have to give. I can’t remember if it’s 100% of what I used to be able to give because there are significant swaths of life that I just don’t remember.And who is it who is figuring out and deciding the outgoing percentages, anyway? Who decides what 100% looks like?It’s obviously an inside job, but even then there are quite a few voices that would like to weigh in on the matter.So, I just don’t listen to any of them when they start doing math with my mantra. I just show up.As I am.As I can.I didn’t disappear.I’m not disappearing. I’m here. Showing up.Always showing up.To this moment. And now this one. Appearing here.And here.Like water.Like water flowing.Like water.Like water flowing.Showing up.Just always showing up.Peace