Dear daughter, 

as your proud daddy breaths in the sweet but subtle fragrances of the rose garden where we come so often, today in full spring bloom and glory , with the chirpiest of choruses from an eclectic mix of little birdies or pio pio's as you call them, I reflect back on a little dander through the winedy, wealthy, lofty suburbs of Madrid just now pushing only your babyless buggy filled with some of your belongings in black plastic bags that I collected from friends of friends who were giving them back after a lend out, that's neither here nor there but somehow I feel the need to justify and this is part of today's theme I suppose...  dear daughter please don't go through life feeling the need to justify yourself, your choices, your being, your ways and your wonders, for there is no need. Just be, do, think, feel, wonder, question, re-question, filter, answer and reflect when you want because you want but please don't justify like your daddy has and felt the need to do so for most of his childhood and adult life but not knowing why. Silly things, small things but midsets change as life changes us. Like, I remember, honestly when I was younger feeling embarrassed or ashamed at not having things that others had in terms of material wealth, like a car, or then having a crappy family car and not feeling it was enough to fit into the fake appearance of wealth and just some years later, after having the life lessons under my belt of living in the global south for some time, having similar feelings of shame or embarrassment about having so much more material goods than others who I had lived with and respected as equals with different starting points on different points of different continents. In both cases, maybe I wasn't comfortable or content in my own skin but now and you have helped me fit my skin so much more comfortably this, so thank you. You have enhanced my learning and forced me to look at things so differently with a new clearer lense and in just under 2 years of your tutorage, I have learned more than the previous 3 decades about myself.   So I wheeled your bustling black bag filled buggy past business men and business women, professionals dressed as professions dress and only today, 22 hours into a food fast and feeling a wee bit more reflective as a result, before going into hospital in the morning for a minor but hopefully liberating procedure, feeling the city heat and glare but feeling like a distant observer rather than active reactor and participant. I was seeing and recognising the looks from passers-by, gawking more towards the content of the buggys black bags than the bags under your daddy's eyes from a restless nights sleep caused by disturbing and distressful goings on in the apartment below us, more than likely domestic violence and where thankfully your compassionate, wise and empathetic mother called the authorities that-be to intervene when it went beyond the point of just willing observers or nosy neighbours.  These same passers-by observed my feet also in a strange but not so unfamiliar prolonged glancing sort of way only to see a sockless, sandal wearing individual and up the leg to a pair of casual but informal shorts to be accompanied by a free sports t-shirt given out to those who put their names and limbs forward to partake in some sort of run or race or physical challenge .... and up to the face where they would have seen a semi bearded, slightly browned but not off, grinning (not smirking), daddy aged, foreign looking face.  But maybe all these observations were just in my head I thought for a second until the next almost identical experience and another and my grin and curiosity only increased. How was I feeling? the need to justify my attire and buggy contents? like I wanted to speak to these kind folks and explain something of my appearance slightly akin to those they may see on a daily basis walking these same financially well off streets in search of valuable throw always or food or something worth something in the large wheelie bins that establish themselves on almost every street to be tilted into the noisy bin lorries in the early hours of the morning where most of these friendly but maybe friendless business looking folks are more than likely asleep in another affluent residential part of town.  I mean, who the hell cares if I appear to be like the so called underclasses, migrant classes socially deprived, marginalised, borderline homeless, homeless, fringed folk...at first glance? .... me? does your daddy care? Sometimes in the past he did but not today as he realises that he has a lot more in common with people within these fridge-communities from his more recent life experience and choices and may well feel more at home and less judged, less judgemental and justifiable amongst folks who know the power-struggles but struggle anyway, feel the massive power imbalances in our society from every inch and angle but don't necessarily look Down or Up at people based on how they appear at street level.  Dear daughter, my little wander through the streets today to retrieve your spare high chair and some surplus toys that you were able do without for friends when needed, taught me many things about the need to constantly feel real empathy, for those who have and maybe have not as much material wealth and opportunities through no fault of their own but through circumstances and through current political and social structures that are in place to make sure the haves, have much more material wise and keep having and feeling ok to have and the haves much less financially and materially keep struggling to have a sustainable, dignity filled life rather than just survival. To walk in shoes and fancy clothes worth lot's and to walk barefoot or push or be pushed in a buggy, wheelchair..... and feel the stair are both worthwhile experiences and will hopefully make your daddy think twice tomorrow about falling into the trap of judging others on the street based on what they are pushing or not or reacting to those same glares, staires...who cares?? Not you dear daughter.  Snobbery is robbery of empathy its clear to me and you're buggy today helped me see ...so let it be, let it be, whisper words of wisdom, let it be