a counterpart/follow-up track to the "fringe faith(ful)" project.
there are three parts of me: the person that believes the one who wants to but doesn’t completely and then there’s the thoroughly existential side of me
there’s the me that truly knows something the one who has an inkling of the divine and the other third that’s just making stuff up
we’re all each other’s pharisee we’re all each other’s Christ…
it’s probably better for us both if i remain within the shadows that way you will not see me as the monster i’ve become though i’m living, i’m unlike anything you see as natural if you knew, you’d raise the gallows and i’d be the first to hang i didn’t wish this on myself, this hybrid me that has developed the chrysalis is gone and i’ve emerged a different man you’d do well to look away as my presence will disturb you and the void that has consumed me may stare into your face i won’t fault you for your fear of all that’s taken place inside me just don’t blame me for those things that are outside of my control i never chose this state of conflict that i feel behind my ribcage surprised i’m still together these ten years they have been long self-medication has been useful but it only works in short bursts the emptiness returns i’m worse off than i was before i’ve tried all i can to realign my thoughts with what is standard but can’t pretend i’m not the shapeless image standing here as i step into the light don’t be afraid of what’s before you i’ve accepted that i will not be accepted as i am all i ask is that you will not crucify me like my Lord was who died because He loved and unlike us He gave a damn but if my being is too much for your small heart to welcome transformation too extreme for your blind eyes to behold here’s the hammer and some nails the cross i carry i submit to
we’re all each other’s pharisee we’re all each other’s Christ…
i want to believe in you.