Dear Steve,

My first husband and I were married for many years (together for more than 20). We had three children together. He became an alcoholic and lost many jobs, and it became unsafe for any of us to stay with him.

I started dating a friend after that. He was separated but stayed married to his wife to provide insurance for his family. We dated for three years and then got married. His ex-wife accused me of breaking up their marriage, even though I had nothing to do with it.

My first husband died unexpectedly after I got married again. At the time, everything was so hectic. I lost myself. One day at work I was crying when a married coworker talked to me and asked if he could kiss me. I did not respond. He kissed me. This led to a 4-year affair where we were intimate on and off. We never called each other. We would just leave work early to be together sometimes.

As soon as my current husband and his ex-wife started receiving calls from a different coworker telling them something was going on, they called me. I admitted to it. I can't understand how I did this. This was such an ugly start to our marriage.

My question is: How do I forgive myself?

Signed,
Overhwelmed