NatAndChat: Recent Episodes
Natalie And
I finished a book I've been working on for for a very long time, and the best way to tell you about it is to share the back cover, the Preface, and the Prologue.I hope this sounds like a book worth reading.
Everything in life is an equation with a sum. It depends on what sum you are looking at, that tells you what it took to get there. I'm in a position of currently needing to think differently because not thinking and just expecting an outcome was a bad experience. I'm seeing that intention, and caring is the way to achieve so many things in life, and when you pay attention to the 1 AND the 1, it's then that you benefit from the 2. This episode is concentrating on both of those 1's, not just the 2.I sound like I'm being cryptic, no, it's just that you need to listen in order for me to effectively explain :)
I've been working on a book for many years about self esteem, self respect, confidence, and self awareness. It's finally finished and available. This is a short episode reading the back of the book, and the preface. I hope it sounds worth your time.
In the recent past I started watching YT on my TV. Without being logged in-YT suggested a chanel that I started watching, and now have watched more than any other chanel EVER on that platform.Its called YES Theory. Their motto is Love Over Fear, and they fund their chanel with a clothing line that is also a motto of theirs: "Seek "Discomfort". (Its also a second YT chanel for them.)If you've listened to me before, you probably know I'm keen on COMFORT, not its antithesis.I was drawn in by the name Yes Theory, and find their origin story beauriful, as well as their willingness to share many stories of their lives. Maybe I'm just late to the party, and you already know Ammar, Thomas, Matt, Steffan, Tommy, and the gang. But if you don't already know them, listen to this letter to them about PARADOX, and then check them out.They are giving me reasons to push my boundaries on discomfort, and they are leading by example.
I didn't have heroes when I was young. In fact, I didn't look up to anyone with eyes of adoration. I'm not sure why that was, but the older I am the more heroes I have, and lately I feel like the heroes are too many to count. I have social media to thank for it because most of my heroes are everyday people sharing the world around them. Which has also made me notice how little my opinion is for so many "famous" people. I wonder if this flip-flop of opinion I'm experiencing because of social media -is happening to others also?
My friend Andrea the Glow Guide recently said to me "I'm going to share ebooks about the things I've been feeling so passionate about lately". Then barely a week later she asked me to look at her first draft of her decluttering guide for spiritual growth. Andrea is a go-get-er and I can't say that about many people I know. She is full of ideas, inspiration, creation, and goodness. And her execution is also unlike anyone I know. She understands beauty, communication, and speed like a PRO.Her decluttering guide is packed full of gems, and so easy to follow. It can be found at: https://stan.store/andreatheglowguide/p/decluttering-for-spiritual-growthHer instagram presence is @andreatheglowguide and @flamingofriday The guided meditation that comes with the ebook is wonderful too!You will love everything she does!!
I never knew asking friends for input could be so valuable. I've learned that sometimes its the smallest thing that someone says that ends up tipping the scales. Man, I love my friends.I've had to analyze my childhood a bit further to get this one, but I've learned something huge. I also had a hard time explaining this one because its cyclical. Its true that my own conditioning puts me in a place where its kind of like I make myself angry...because I'm trained not to speak my truth. And not speaking my truth breeds anger.I've learned that feeling anger, and not allowing healthy anger, means it stays inside you. That's quite simplified, but this episode isn't a long one even with the clarity and the attempt to share this new lesson.I will be moving on to my Joy series, and I'm looking for people who would like to answer some questions on Joy. Email me on natandchatpodcast@gmail.com if you would like to share.
Many people don't seem to know they can choose who they are. And that includes choosing to be someone you like! Don't be one of those people who can't see the person they are presenting to the world. What is your "MO"? And if you don't know, now is the time to decide.I have to give credit to Nicotine Dolls for helping me make a point so easily...its like the song "What Makes You Sad" arrived in my life just to help me explain. kiss kiss
It was bound to happen that one of my friends would also be struggling with Anger, and we didn't realize we had this in common. It's interesting for me to hear how hers presents, and she does struggle with a combination of anxiety and anger. If you can ignore the dogs that want to be as near Kristine as possible, you will hear two old friends laughing and realizing things they didn't know about each other.
Not only the old are wise. The old souls in young bodies are also full of perspective and experience we can all learn from. Katelyn shares some things with me that I knew I needed as soon as she said them. And isn't it cool when someone less than half your age can validate your experiences and feelings with the same perspective? This woman will go far in life, its inevitable.
This is a short but fun episode; we don't do an amazing job staying on the topic of anger, but we cover the necessary bases. You'll learn some new things in this episode that I might not have anywhere else. Andrea knows me so well we talk about everything and anything. So I really did have to try and cut out a lot of my rambling. I hope this series is a good one for you, I only have two more episodes left, and then I'm going to share something else new to my podcast and fun for me to execute. Be well friends, and let anger guide you instead of overwhelm you. (That's not me preaching, that's me needing the reminder.)
I have smart and loving friends...not that I didn't already know this, but in the sharing of my friends and the smart things they have to say in this Anger series; I am feeling pride at how loving, helpful, and willing they are. What a grateful friend I am in return -to have these people in my life. This episode makes you want to put attention on perspective. And even made me want to reconsider the words I use when describing my outward situation to my internal perception. My friend Sherrie is one of those people who knows so many things, you always have something to talk about. She's a wealth of knowledge and experience. This is the tiniest slice of Sherrie pie.
My friend JT is moving to New York to get his Masters in Couples and Family Therapy. Just as much as I want my female friends' input on anger, (because it feels like a different struggle for women), I equally want JT's thoughts because he's a friend that always makes me feel understood. Honestly, I didn't know he was going to say so many things I needed to hear. With every friend I sit down with I am pleased anew -with this idea to talk to the people around me...the ones I spend my time with, NOT discussing anger. The growth and benefit from turning to friends with a topic we don't discuss, and DISCUSSING IT, has been amazing.
I did this episode via email so that I could include my friend Melissa in my anger series. That makes this one considerably shorter than the others, but still helpful to me. I'm not a friend who asks for things, but having asked people for input and advice on Anger instead of a therapist, I'm starting to see a whole new perspective on the benefit of asking for help from those that know me best. I still have countless gems in many more episodes to come, but heres a short poignant one.
Nat Chats with her Friends on Anger. This series is so useful for me already, and I hope it has some gems for those of you also dealing with anger. As different as we all are, its sometimes comforting to know others have the same struggles. In this chat with Ann, we cover a lot of ground, and get a bit loud, sometimes giggly + loud. We talk about having a values list, ketamine therapy, using a whiteboard to draw out upset with who or what is causing it, and then the fact that forgiveness feels like BS if someone hasn't actually said sorry.
Nat Chats With her friends on Anger. I tried therapy recently for anger...and it made me angry. I gave it 7 weeks...and now I'm trying something else: my friends. Recording this series has already been so useful for me, and I hope that it might be useful for you too if you need help with anger. If nothing else, I will always have these episodes at my disposal when I need them.
I asked my friend Jackie to sit with me and tell me about her favorite book that introduced her to Absurdism...and this is my introduction. Its an interesting philosophy...hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed talking.
I'm searching for a bridge out of anger. I've been trying therapy, but you know what really looks like is going to be the bridge...people. In this episode I ask myself yet again if its perspective...and thats absolutely part of it...but what I'm figuring out, and already working on since recording this episode here...is that the answer is Perspective + People. People who know and love me. People I trust because of who they are to me. I hope I can edit fast enough...because benefit is on the horizon!! I can hear it!
Leadership is a hot topic on podcasts, and I end up listening to this subject often because people I enjoy revisit it. I have a peculiar view on leadership, and its come to my attention that what people like in their leaders -varies. I've been working a lot of years and I've had lots of leaders. Things I say here are because this stuff is on my mind a lot lately.I've been having a hard time with winter lasting longer than usual, and when things get difficult PLUS a lack of sunshine, I end up dwelling. I haven't been uploading, but not because I haven't been writing. I'm writing lots and thinking lots. That makes me more quiet. But so has this topic of leadership...
A friend recently introduced me to Stoicism which is a cool thing, but has also forced me to address something I've felt for a long time and never made the effort to articulate. The topic is that anger is a choice, and while I accept so many feelings are things we choose, I see anger differently. Its a complicated emotion and I think I've finally had a breakthrough in explaining why I think that.
I caught myself asking a question I don't normally ask, and more than just once or twice...it kept coming up at random times over various topics. So I started answering and analyzing not just the question, but what MY answer is. I feel like this was a break through for me in my journey of self-awareness.
I got caught up in upset, and I let myself down. Are there people who don't do that, and are they in Possession of themselves to the point they can't be pushed outside of their nature? When you do miss-step, is there still something good in that too? So many questions, so few certainties.
This is me feeling like I need to touch base because I haven't written, recorded, and uploaded since Sept 11th. I have been writing, but not much stuff I know I will share. But as always I'm thinking, and with the loss of my wonderful cousin; I am Dwelling. I think we spend life believing life is meant to be easy while we live learning: its not. How did that "easy" thing ever get introduced? Maybe its just simple wishful thinking and the innate need to be happy. Ok...yes...I'm dwelling on this dichotomy too these days. :)
I've been learning about EFT Tapping, and experiencing immediate results. Its fascinating while being so incredibly simple. Have a listen, do some tapping, and explore it yourself. I don't want to be dramatic, but its kinda blowing my mind.
Success, achievement, mattering, and being "something special" by the end of your life. Is any of this yours to experience? I think it might not be.
Have you ever considered...the things that make you YOU might not be things you should share or show just anyone? Do you have pearls? Do you know what your pearls are? To say "don't cast your pearls before swine" makes me imagine pulling out something valuable in front of a mob boss that he's now going to kill you for so he can take it. But it's not that...its really so much more tidy and everyday. Do you do it? It's worth asking yourself. I'll explain...have a listen.
The Lack of self-awareness seems to be growing. No, nobody is perfect, but all of us can try to see what we are doing and consider possible consequence. Listen more to what you are saying, watch what you could be doing to contradict your own words, and maybe we need to start calling it out. If for no other reason than to put a pin in it so it can be pointed at later. Lots to consider in this episode.
I've changed my opinion on Longing. I think its a good thing. I think we need to do it often to keep us appreciating the Loving we do. Even the loving we do that won't equate to having. In fact...having is not a feeling we should grab hold of. I'll explain: you pushing play
I got thinking about how we have "gut feelings" and asking myself what that really is. I've learned to put so much stock in what my gut says because it's always a better guide than my thoughts.
Then I remembered reading about morphic fields, the habit field, and quantum healing. In this episode I share from the books Energy Medicine by Donna Eden and Quantum DNA Healing by Althea S. Hawk. I also share my little theory about our gut feeling actually coming from the fields that surround our body and dictate who we are and what we become. This is a different kind of episode because I have to share so much of the science to make my point, but I hope the science is as fascinating to you as it is to me.
This episode is a thought experiment, but one I'm going to continue to consider for a while.
Whether you have questions or you have opinions, your experience in a world with endless input is not going to be the same as another's. Perspective is the new word for "self" and no two people will be the same. We are going to need to learn how to grasp that fact, because the "teachers" aren't going to disappear.
I didn't know that being an enabler enabled my unhappy life of enabling. Its like a catch 22 I didn't know I was stuck in. It took the tenderness of a great friend to help me see my patters by relating times she had watched me being an enabler that had me finally able to see it. Here's the story of that realization.
It was in listening to people talk about friendship being an enigma to them and that they don't have many friends -that I found myself with so much I wanted to share. It was a podcast...so I couldn't share what I had to say with them, but it made me want to write a few things down and share them here. This is a short one, but its a topic I feel strongly about. :)
I need to pull wrap my attention more around paradox than I have been because I give so much of it to hypocrisy. The less self aware people are the more they become hypocritical. And for some reason I get more and more bummed about people as I hear them saying such stupid contradictory stuff. BUT what if I put my attention on paradox? Can I see less hypocrisy and more paradox with a beneficial outcome on my attitude? Will noticing Paradox make ME less of a hypocrite? I would like to think so. Here I am trying to explain...
I had a class reunion this summer in 2021 and it was more than a reunion for me. It was a resolution and a healing. I didn't know I had so many unresolved issues related to my high school years until the night was over. I woke the following day feeling such a peculiar type of euphoria I wanted to try and find words for it all. This is still quite short, considering, but a long story is not what I want to share. Maybe you can relate?
In this episode you hear two people talking about super random stuff. We're telling stories, and admitting life is just a crapshoot of happenstance and we become the person we are because of it. I doubt we make any important points, but as always, I have fun talking to my friend Larry. I hope you find it fun too.
I don't tell people what to do, but if when giving advice to my friend I say "you should", I catch myself and acknowledge I'm just talking, and I add to it saying "Not that you need to do anything I say". But recently, when wanting to give advice to this friend blamed for everything by her family members, I thought of a new word to help me be clear. And that word is Refuse. Naturally, I decided to elaborate.
I dont think the question of "Where were you on 9.11?" is as much about knowing where you stood when nearly 3000 people were killed, as it is about how you felt in that moment when you were so shook that everything in your world froze. I know that America has a self centered view on world events, seeming to care far less about what happens outside its borders than in it, but this American was living in Europe on 9.11, and this was how it felt for me. I do struggle with mass destruction happening in any country, and that is why I don't watch the news. I can't handle it. I do feel that part of why 9.11 was so big world-wide is because New York City is a magical place, visited by so much of the world. My love and affinity for New York City no doubt contributed to my experiences.
Who do you find comfortable? What is comfort? When are you comfortable? Where is comfort hiding? Why do we want to be comfortable? How conscious are we of these answers?
1 + 1 = 2 MOST of the time when it comes to a situation, your reaction, and the emotions you feel. I fought allowing emotions for many years and I still catch myself thinking I'm supposed to not mind when stuff comes up. This is the break down of doing it and the realization we don't have to see it as acting like a 2 year old because we are having emotions. We ARE emotional creatures, and we can be sensible creatures with lots of emotions. mic drop
I often catch myself doing or thinking things repetitively. It's when I catch myself that I decide I want to break it down and maybe find a whole new way of seeing the thing on repeat. And when the break down teaches me something, I want to attempt sharing it. Maybe you can relate to this too.
In my experience, the internal whispered words aren't always noticed when they start because they begin so quiet. I've seen that once they are loud, you have already adopted them and made them truth. But repetition does not dictate truth. My 2021 has me learning some old lessons in new ways, obviously because I have yet to fully learn them. Here's a dose of honesty.
When I recently talked to my friend Allison Olson about Love, we touched on a topic I thought I had shared a long time ago: The "Negative Committee".
I know I've mentioned them in the past, but apparently since my podcast started, I hadn't shared what you will hear here. This is my getting clear and fixing that so the Negative Committee is not some ethereal idea, but rather an unattractive and real force you too can relate to experiencing.
There's a great article you could google if you want to do a little research on this topic; "Never call them Archons" by Cameron Day written in 2012. If you ever hear me use the term "Ankle Biters" it's because of that article. He explains them as "energy parasites" with a very detailed back history.
Where do you get an education in Coffee and for free? Right here. I will occasionally share Coffee information, and see how far it needs to go based on what questions arise. If you want help understanding some part of Coffee, email: natandchatpodcast@gmail.com
Belief and truth are person specific. It's a basic concept, and only becomes more obvious as the world act like we should all agree. No, we shouldn't, and that doesn't have to be a problem!!
Not a typical recording...but one for you to put on to relax and fall asleep to -since it's the same mantra 9 times. Theta is the state your mind enters before you fall asleep. After childhood, you aren't commonly in Theta during the day. It's the frequency you enter as you fall and wake from sleep. Maybe this is useful to you. I'm going to see if I can benefit from it. ♡
My kind friend Zack Roberts came over and we talked about the desire to live a life centered on religion and faith, while struggling with input from others that you can't do that with a same sex attraction at your core. Zack fought his feelings for years and has recently decided his relationship with God is not dictated by the words of others. He is shedding shame and welcoming the belief that God's love for anyone is not steered by their "orientation". (My words, not his) This was a very different topic for me, not because of sexual orientation, but because of religion. It's not often I open that door I closed a long time ago, mainly because I have so few actively religious friends. #respect
Im not white anymore...I've decided to finally do away with the categorization of white as it pertains to skin color, and only use it as a word that has connotations of clueless, blank, racist, and segregating. Nobody has white skin, so let's stop allowing the purity connotation to continue. My skin is closer to pink than white. And for the record, what color my skin is shouldn't have any bearing on you liking me or not. I want who I am to be how you decide, and I will let you show me who you are -for me to decide what I think of you. "White" as a slur is creating itself...I'm seeing it happen and I want to be raising my hand in vote to abandon the word as a way to refer to skin. It's already a word that reflects racism. So I'm pink, I'm peach, I'm any color but white.
Human psychology is as fascinating as it is confusing. Talking to people, trying to understand, relate, and break things down is how we ultimately understand ourselves. I appreciate the confusion of others because it helps me see confusion in myself. And clarity is always where I'm headed...hopefully.
It's love month, and hopefully you aren't all loved out yet. I sat down with my sweet friend Allison Victoria Olson to talk about this vast subject, and it went all over the place. It was good fun! Have a listen.
Watch and listen to people. Let them tell you who they are by the fruit they bear. Then decide if that is someone you want in your life. The answers differ for all of us.
I think everyone has something to say because everyone is in AWE. How has one man been allowed to reach this point of destroying himself? The answer doesn't matter, because he doesn't respect himself or the people that equate to the MAIN part of his job description. I feel like there are so many things not being said right now, and in my inability to be quiet, I recorded it for my release. One of the things I struggle most with is listening to stupidity. It's one of my "issues", and it's what I take to therapists in my search for help to heal.
This White Girl has a few things to say which include Equality and this statement: NOBODY HAS WHITE SKIN!!! That's another podcast that is overdue. This bullshit about calling skin and snow the same color.
I'm sharing this Jan 7 2021 and realizing there is a form of abuse I did not address with the events happening in DC. I have to just reiterate there are so many types of abuse. SMH
I get a little wordy in my desire to try and explain this, because we all know it, we all do it, but I want to quit doing it.
Something I've been working on for a long time is finished and available. It's called Intentional Intonation; Awareness In What You Are Communicating -A Respect Model
It's available here: https://www.audible.com/pd/Intentional-Intonation-Awareness-in-What-You-Are-Communicating-Audiobook/B08QXDKQC7
Moving forward!
Should or shouldn't fairness matter? Because we know life isn't fair, but we also know it should be. A good debate for an age where technology COULD increase fairness!
People are doing one of two things. Progressing or Regressing. I know you've seen it. Where are you putting your energy? What is your cause?
It's always felt like "the right thing to do" giving someone the benefit of the doubt. But I've noticed that it most often comes with a "story", and if you listen to me often, you know how I feel about telling yourself a story to make something ok. That story is the mark of a cognitive distortion. So here I am realizing that (for me) when I give someone the benefit of the doubt, I am making up a story FOR THEM so that I don't have to see the false, the lie, the pretend, the dishonesty. And depending on the person, I give WAY too many benefits despite the huge doubt. Anyway...here's the thought process:
I had lunch with Dr Michael Jones, and in our conversation we got on the topic of my having seen a hypnotherapist, which took us through a conversation on Ego, then Drama, then Judgement, and I had to then relent to the appropriate feelings being: Compassion and Respect. This sounds complicated, so just listen. Sometimes a preface is unnecessary because so much gets covered in the meat of the story. If you live in Utah and want to see a hypnotherapist, contact nicholasdibb1991@gmail.com
I wrote this a couple years ago, and I never did anything with it out of respect for privacy. I think I'm safe to share it now, and as I read it, I recognize pieces in it other friends need to hear currently. I think there are reminders we all need in this. (On both sides of the story.)
Another realization of two things being similar in the way they feel, and also noticing why some people act the way they do. It's in the attitude, not the circumstance
Its hard to accept that most of what we feel is a choice. Its CHOICE that dictates whether or not something matters to us, or it does not...and what IF we consciously chose to feel differently? What then? That's the question I pose for myself. What if I just chose to feel something different? What if I decided something didn't matter? Is it in my control? Let's consider it is.
I sat down with my friend who has decided to tackle her old belief system -that she needed to be small in order for God to be great. Her religious upbringing in modesty, purity, and in many ways...shame; stopped her from considering she is beautiful, awesome, and wonderful. Which kept her small, quiet, and unsure of herself.
Although her story is different from mine, I feel as though we have so many commonalities in what we have experienced in our lives -that when we talked, I kept hearing her tell parts of my story through hers.
Like me, as Becky gets older she finds herself a cheerleader for growth in "the self", and knowing who you are. These are tricky waters, especially in an age where everybody has an opinion about what others are doing. It seems that you make yourself a target to say "I'm Awesome, I'm amazing, I love me!" And since that's where she's at, I wanted to invite her to elaborate more than what she's said in her instagram posts, and to let her know I stand behind her -cheerleading her in return.
We also touched on feminism, femininity and the fluidity of gender roles once we allow ourselves to have both feminie and masculine qualities. I also admitted to having some pretty opinionated beliefs on what I "expect from" women, since I also admit to seeing us as the more sensible of the two genders. Becky comes back with the need for each individual to understand their "currency", and it's clear what my currency is not.
This is a fun one, and could easily go multiple directions in a part 2, 3, or 4. Which maybe needs to happen. I dare you not to fall in love with Becky's giggle. She IS amazing. No doubt God knows it, so it's about time she knows it too.
I believe there are a few core things that we got dialed up on when we were created. Clearly love and fear are two of those things at the top of the list, but near the top is the need to understand and be understood. I feel like I personally have a lot to say about that, so I have tried to just explain the basis for the thought because it's likely something I will return to again.
This one is about the physical body and how easy it is to mess up the "system" when you aren't aware of what you put in your body and the effects it has. I'm all about perspective for the mind, but perspective...sensible perspective about how your body works is important too. I've had a lot of physical issues throughout my life and I want to share the main thing that helped me with my biggest struggles. I'm sharing the story of what got me to the point of telling you about trysoul.com (referral number 539376) and myrainlife.com/natandchat A product called SOUL made from seeds is the single most beneficial thing I've put in my body.
So...here's a story of my health journey, cool things I have found, and great books I've read. I hope there's something in here that you can benefit from.
The older we get the less we trust, the bigger the chip on our shoulder, the harder it is to not be cynical. It feels inevitable, but is it? As I always say "Who you are is a choice". This is my internal debate with cynicism and skepticism.
These are rough waters and rough times. As we do this together, I have realized I need to explore Grace...there is too much benefit in grace for it to go uncaptured and unrealized.
Everything is difficult right now, and if we want our sanity to survive, we need to make the conscious choice to be more flexible. I realize nobody wants to be more flexible because we are busy bitching about how frustrating everything is. But because life is so difficult, you know less right now than you ever have about the struggles of the people around you. This means turning on the light that illuminates the space in your mind for empathy while being blind as to the why. Reasons don't matter anymore, and there are too many of them. Everybody wants their normal back, and since nobody can hand-over normal, let's find new flexibility for ourselves and others.
How much do you know about Cortisol? Do you know that it can control all the systems in your body? It is the fight or flight hormone that should only come into play when we need to stay alive because it shuts everything down in order for you to defend or run.
Do you know that cortisol directly impacts your pain, your sleep, your blood pressure, your muscle, your fat, your collagen, your organs, your everything, and cortisol is the stress hormone we flood our bodies with every day as we insist on getting things done. Dr Michael Jones has written a book called World of Alpha's, and explains what we are doing to our bodies when we consistently put ourselves "in alpha mode". We have become so proficient at "alpha mode" we think of stress and its effects on our body as inevitable and normal. It's very not normal; we are breaking down our bodies by not understanding the problems we are creating by continuing to operate with too much cortisol.
Maybe you can relate...some people have the ability to make you feel more real, more whole, more solid...valid is one way to explain it, but it's really hard to find words because it's such a deep feeling. I call it the validation equation since it's like a formula of Mind x Heart 2 + Years x Genuineness = Validation. What I share here is my best attempt to explain this feeling.
We can change the world, but we can't do it through hateful or violent means. If we truly care about mattering, and we do, the way to show that is through peace, love, and kindness. Adding to the violence is how we make THAT our norm. Unacceptable. Let's change the climate so all violence and harm stands out as what is intolerable. This was a hard one...my heart is heavy with sadness and extra love so necessary right now.
We affect every living thing…and each other. What we prioritize, what we do, and what we say, is the life we build.
What are you building?
What are you making?
Around you, to you, and for others?
Can you do one less thing to cause stress, harm? Can you do one more thing to create benefit? I realized recently when having so much taken away through “quarantine”, that I am but a tiny thing with little power. What will I do with that little power? And most importantly, what will I do when I see others use their little power for detriment? How will I respond?
Will my actions or words move toward or away from the choices I’ve made in the life I’m building and making?
I have been spending my year working on recording an audiobook that I wrote quite a few years ago. With that story, the events, and the person on my mind lately, I had a poem appear. I don't usually share poems, but with so much writing in my notebook going on, and so few things getting uploaded, why not share the random poem? I've also decided recently I should gather my poems...and maybe record them as a collection. Who knows. Could be a good idea. Feels a little extra personal, but I will think on it anyway. I'm trying to work on being more open and having less fear. Stretching these muscles. Once my audiobook is "out there" fear will have to be put aside. That's a huge cliff jump. :)
A local podcast: Down in the Valley with Carissa and Kali --wanted to hear about the variety of experiences people are having with quarantine, isolating, and getting or not getting the virus. This is a different listen than what I usually share. :)
Finding balance, understanding balance, feeling...balance is such a pipe dream for me and my friends. I recently thought of a way to break it down and immediately have perspective. As usual, I'm a little surprised by how simple a solution this is. I'm forever finding, the little things are the big things.
Being Open-Minded is the freedom to learn about a million different things. Then it's the freedom to grow from or attach to anything you are drawn to.
Being open is contrary to the way most people are told they SHOULD think and WHAT they should believe. Even FEARING learning about things that are "foreign" or "different". The willingness to be open has enhanced my life in ways that have me without being bound to judgement, control, or fear that I could make god mad at me for learning.
In my twenties I realized, that when I die, god is not going to say to me "I wish you hadn't done any thinking or learning for yourself. Why didn't you just do what you were told?" I allowed myself to believe that if god is almighty, he/she/it doesn't need me to be one of the sheep. An almighty god is strong enough for me to question everything. The existence of a creator is not conditional upon my level of "being sold". So OPEN I am.
When I suggested sitting down with my friend Amanda who is a writer, I totally though she would choose a topic "writing related" and she didn't. She wanted to talk about her first passion, which is being a mother. She has three little kids, and although I don't have kids and there is 20 years between us, we both have so much to say on the topic.
Interestingly, since we have not been spending lots of time together, it was a surprise to realize, this was a topic where we both didn't know the stories of the other relating to Motherhood. Both of us made choices young...and Choosing Motherhood (or not) was important to both of us.
(Adult Advisory on this one.)
I'm finding levels of freedom I didn't know I could reach, and I'm doing it by allowing myself to think about and feel some of the traumatic times in my life. We tend to avoid these things for good reason, because "Why would I want to live in the past?" BUT reality is...if you haven't allowed yourself to feel the things from the traumatic times, the past lives in YOU. This time I'm telling some hard stories, but not because of anything bad now...the opposite actually. By finally letting myself feel and have adult perspective on childhood things I "couldn't" feel and couldn't possibly have had perspective on (because I was a child), I am burning the energy from them I have carried for too many years. My benefit is so great, I have to share. I know you can do this too. I'm sorry my stories can be a little harsh for some, but understanding this is important. I've tried to be so raw for my own maximum benefit. I think I've kept all this inside me too long. I'm finally able to communicate it without crying, and that's not just a personal triumph, it's an energetic victory. I feel the benefit throughout my being. (I know how corny that sounds...I can't say it differently, unless I say it's magic.) Sending you my love if you too want to feel the freedom from facing trauma.
Are you familiar with your Aura? You should be. It's an incredibly important "system" that affects/protects every part of your being. It's kind of complicated...so you'd better have a listen. If you try what I explain in this podcast, and you take it seriously, I would be interested in hearing your benefit. nat@natandchat.com
It's easier to insist you are weak in your self talk than to be the only one hearing "I am amazing".
Ladies, the self talk we do is so full of lies and reasons so we can insist on the negative being true. I'm here saying: You are lying to yourself in order to not be giving yourself words of praise. Why do we do this? Good effing question. Maybe because if you believed the amazing things about yourself you would raise your own gold standard, and you would scare yourself. Isn't it easier to insist you are so very flawed, and so very imperfect? Ya, that's because you are a LIAR, and you have cognitive distortions.
It's time to stop telling yourself you should FEEL a word used to describe things, and that by NOT feeling an adjective, you must BE the opposite of that word. I'm going to explain why this is NOT how you should be thinking, so it is not how you should be feeling! I get a little heated this time! AND...I love you.
Not that our struggles are universal or generic, but often in our desire to heal or process, we learn that others are feeling similar things at the same time, despite circumstances being different. We can find clarity through one another sometimes, and if not perfect clarity, at least some peace in the realization we aren't as alone as we thought we were.
I’m talking about the convenience of technology causing a shift in personal perception. We all need to pay more attention to integrity, honesty, and follow through, which requires more levels of self awareness than what many show at present. Yes, this is just my world, but the hundreds of people in my week, are a snapshot of generalities. Some things need considering. We all need to regularly ask, Who am I, and what am I doing?
Life takes us in directions we don't expect. We can think we have a plan, and everything can suddenly change. Stop and listen when that happens oh, because you might be pointed in a different direction that you are meant to go. This is a short story of that happening to me, and the lessons I gained.
I'm not a fan of vulnerability, but I am a fan of honesty and learning. Here's a big realization for me. Life is a puzzle, and the pieces are somewhere on the table...or the floor.
We can make each day easier if we take the lessons we learned yesterday and use them today. Let life help you build a library of information you USE.
Sitting to talk with my old friend Cameron on Creativity and Inspiration is not the typical chat for us. Most of the time when we talk -he tells stories, and I listen and laugh. Since that would be a one sided podcast with my laughter getting annoying, we decided two artists with multiple mediums should find it easy to discuss creativity and what gets us there. We talk about art you are employed to do vs. art you create for yourself. We also talk about "compulsion, not talent" being why the greats are so great. The best artists are compelled to make beautiful art. I also asked him about "impostor syndrome" and the very real effect it has.
Cameron can be found online as CNVStudios on instagram, youtube, and his .com you can patronize him at Patreon.com/CameronVanAusdal
I'm thankful for the beautiful, genuine, and rare unicorns out there. Those aren't just words you have to say in November. These words, and this letter are because of a special person who doesn't do anything but continue to be herself...top quality and so beautiful. I'm so glad she exists.
We underestimate the importance of honesty. And a lack of honesty with ourselves is how we survive...telling ourselves stories to make what we experience in life bearable. It's not that we ever want to deceive anyone, or ourselves, but we are built around the need to be comfortable and sometimes we reach that through non-truths. I have experienced the non-truths being more harmful than helpful, and I am going to be as honest as I can (even publicly) with an aim to benefit from deep honesty.
Just like happiness, it's not a destination, it's a path.
The older I get, the harder trust is. And not by ignorance...by experience. I want to figure this one out. I wish I could even trust finding trust were possible.
My approval of myself has been the lifelong dream for me. "Others" never successfully convinced me their approval was worth anything. The enigma of my own positive self-view is what I see as the goal and the gold. Who am I trying to impress? Thats not even the word for it...if others can relate to me, I want to be SHARING with them.
The two are so similar, sometimes we tell ourselves we are being strong when we are actually being stubborn. I needed to realize this, and maybe someone else could use this too.
To a large extent each of us can decide who we are...what choices we make and how we affect others. You decide whether you hug or hit, laugh or shout, ask for help, or freak the fuck out. Ask yourself: Who am I?
It's a healthy skill to master-being able to see that the way others act and sound is usually NOT about you. Allow others to be and do "their thing", even if they sound rude. They might even need to be reminded to worry about themselves. That's what happened to me, and it was one of the best lessons I've been given. I won't turn your attitude into being about me. I'll let you show the world whatever you want...I'll worry about myself.
I don't know why feeling a real reciprocal connection with someone is so disconcerting. I think its possibly a vulnerable space where you accept being seen because someone else has recognition of themselves in YOU. And vice versa. It doesn't need to be uncomfortable, and yet when it appears, it is.
Some people insist on growing and healing while others don't believe they can. The resilient ones get creative, they get working on themselves, and they don't believe pain and discomfort have to be permanent. The resistant ones either don't see it as possible, or they need to believe what they think even longer. In either case, someone has it easier by doing the work, and someone has it harder by not.
Mattering to someone is a different level of caring and loving; its existence grows into becoming, it isn't simply "there". Mattering is knowledge shown to and felt by you because it's not ethereal, it's actual. It's knowing I matter to some, while not mattering to others who matter to me that has me thinking.
What do you do when your religion feeds your particular mental illness, making it worse? How do you navigate that to find some level of sanity while maintaining "belief"? After trying a number of things, including feeding the illness by doing everything she felt compelled to do (and then some) Andee is finally concentrating on both physical and mental health like never before. BUT, at the expense of much judgement from within her faith...because she is not taking the route most DO; and getting on medication. She tried that too, and it made her feel physically terrible. Andee is tackling her Scrupulosity by looking at her life, mind, and body as something to cherish and take care of. She's decided to TAKE CHARGE, NOT ADVICE like what Betty Jo down the street would be comfortable with. Instead Andee is going to the gym, she's building her self esteem, she's refusing to allow the old mental patterns to "have a say" (which includes opinions like Betty Jo's), she's eating healthier than ever before, and drinking coffee. Some of these aren't things her religion stands behind, but they are things that keep her from going to the dark places when she was feeling like ending her life. My hero's aren't well known people. My hero's are people like Andee who are able to Take Charge, Exercise Freedom, Make New Choices, and RISE ABOVE where they have been in the past by acknowledging the "unhealthy things". Because I'm not religious, I want be a cheerleader to everyone interested in working on themselves, and encourage them to ignore the small-minded people who can't see beyond "rules" they insist are coming from the mouth of god. Live your life, make your choices, worry about yourself, understand we ALL have freedom. Find respect, irrespective of your BELIEFS.
Getting to know one's self is a process, just as getting to wholeness is. I found a couple coping mechanisms that keep me sane through the process. You probably do them too.
When your insides radiate to your outsides, and your inner beauty shows; you sparkle. You don't get to control it, people will SEE you, even if you are the opposite of Sparkly.
Working on one's self seems to be one of the best paths to a smoother life. Ignoring your feelings sounds pretty smooth, but the reality is THAT'S the rough road and the rough ride. We seem to have a lot of things backwards, and looking at your "stuff" is actually easier than you think. In fact, it's the easiest...since not looking, is a long term problem creator.
To say I was naive at 19 is an understatement. With no internet, it's possible today's 7 year old knows more than I did back then. One thing I was sure of...furthering my education after high school wasn't as important as babies needing to be held. I kind of feel the same all these years later, because education happens when you are paying attention. The main difference now as an adult is that I can see how awful the world can be, and how inconsequential I feel. Ultimate "difference" is really mostly mine and in my head.
Romania brought me a brother and sister. Something I don't share in this is that 100% of the children in my orphanage abandoned before the age of 4 were autistic. This "type" of autism created by being abandoned and then ignored is like a fatal form of autism that destroys the human. Which is another reason I call this "the short story". The reality; the long story -is pretty intense. My book is titled The Face of an Angel. Maybe one day it will be in print. It's more of an interesting story than one with a happy ending, because countless lives never got to be lived.
I spent a year in Romania volunteering in an Orphanage. My life and my "who" are different because of the perspective that year gave me. We don't get away from anything without being touched by others.
I sat down with my friend Jacob to explain my obsession with intonation.
In his work as a Photographer and working for wingatewildernesstherapy.com he sees the importance of intonation better than ever after our chat.
With his encouragement I'm creating a course on it. It will be available through me: nat@natandchat.com I hope you too find this useful!
What you do with a relationship is more choice than you'd like to admit. Being conscious, choosing perspective, and acting -all in reciprocity is vital.
What do you worship? Is it "your god"? Who is your god? Who told you who your god is? Are your beliefs YOURS?
My mind uses words, my heart feelings. Trying to get the two to understand one another is difficult. They each have their own experience with anything.
This is a small piece from one of my books. A personal story I will consider making available here in the future.
Getting through winter in order to reach spring. Which is also a way to say, getting through pain in order to reach growth. Will you drown, or build a boat to survive?
We can't take innocence for granted, whatever your age. We must do everything in our power to love, protect, and cherish.
Sometimes we just want to be saved. Rescued. For "it" to be fixed for us. Is that really a way to benefit tho?
Is how you see yourself based on what people tell you you are? Are you making your own labels? Are they accurate? Is it time to shed some labels?
Because we are all different, every relationship we have will differ. And by relationship...I mean the way we interact with one another. Don't see this as a bad thing, it's beautiful. Let it help you know who should be getting your time.
Comparison is possible on a million levels now. That doesn't mean we should be making comparisons..and we are all different anyway! Start looking at your own greatness without comparison to anything or anyone. And all the while, how you think will create who you are. We need to pay attention to that.
When Nat Chats With we aim to understand, relate, share and thrive. Perspective is had through those who have it hardest. And perspective is how we make life better.
When Nat Chats With, it's long. Sharon and I talk about there being no right or wrong. We talk about listening to what feels good for you, and the benefits of making yourself #1and healthy. We should all do this.
We think we need to have more forgiveness, when we really need to be wise. Apply forgiveness where it's applicable. Where it's not; learn what the situation CAN benefit from. Making up stories of how you forgave someone who won't change isn't the answer. A lie to yourself is seldom the answer, compared to being emotionally healthier.
Knowing and feeling are different. You can be sensible, but experience builds conditioning. Conditioning is forced feelings that we don't choose, and that require effort to overcome.
You will have your perspective created by your life experiences. This makes it impossible for everyone to agree with you because others live a different life. Accept we can't all agree, and allow comfort in "we are all didferent", because THAT makes sense.
Honesty and lying are different. When it comes to yourself, the inability to be honest with yourself means you are only making your life harder. Honesty is healthy and actually easier.
Life keeps lifeing on us, and none of us have it easy. Writing to a friend, and sharing with him some things I've written recently that say I see you, I support you.
Do you get butterflies? Are you easily flattered? Is the modern way of meeting people helping or hindering the ability to feel attraction? Here's my take on it.