Polycurious: Recent Episodes
Fernanda
Non-monogamy may not be for everyone, but maybe you are curious about it. Could it be right for you? How do non-monogamous couples deal with jealousy? I was curious myself, and the more I asked, the more I became surprised by this unexplored topic. In Polycurious I take you along my journey as a Latina living in Brooklyn having casual and intimate conversations with non-monogamous couples, sex and relationship experts, friends and even people who tried polyamory and realized it wasn’t for them. This podcast is for the polycurious, whether you have explored non-monogamy or not.
In the last episode of the Poly Parents mini-series I spoke to Molly Roden Winter, author of the New York Times Bestseller More: A Memoir of Open Marriage.We spoke about her experience overcoming shame as a non-monogamous mother and how opening up her marriage helped her grow and learn about herself.
Get Molly's book here!
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Today, I talk to writer and coach Sarah Stroh (Monogamish_me on Instagram), a week before giving birth. We speak of how becoming pregnant changed the dating game for her and put her identity as a flirty and adventurous person into question. She also tells us about what led her to decide to co-parent with a friend and how that influenced her partner.
Connect with Sarah:
Substack
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Join our WhatsApp community here!
Visit our website polycurious.com
Book a free exploratory coaching session with me here
Our email is polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
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In the second part of my conversation with Melissa and Jay, we discuss their transition from being open to polyamory, partially due to their three kids leaving for college. They each share their unique methods of dealing with jealousy and other challenging emotions, as well as how they've adapted to these feelings. Finally, they talk about their experience of revealing their non-monogamous relationship to their children, and the unexpected outcomes that followed.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Carol & David's Episode: Unlearning Monogamy
Esther Perel's Questions to Build Adaptability
Join our WhatsApp community here!
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Visit our website polycurious.com
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Our email is polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
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Melissa and Jay decided to open up their marriage after two decades together. Today, they share some of the challenges they faced during that transition, such as learning how much to share about their outside relationships with one another. They also tell us how they used Craiglist (believe it or not) to find a match for their first non-monogamous date. Lastly, they give great tips around finding community.
Follow Polycurious on
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Join our WhatsApp community here!
Visit our website polycurious.com
Book a free exploratory coaching session with me here
Our email is polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
Get $10 off STD Check here
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Abbey and Liam are the voices behind Evolving Love Project, a platform that explores non-monogamy and conscious relationships through Abbey’s writing, their podcast, and conversation evenings and retreats in Australia.
In our conversation they tell us how being non-monogamous has helped them reconnect with their independence and return to their family life feeling refreshed. They also reveal how their sexual relationship changed after having their son and what they did to bring back the spice and reconnect. Lastly, we speak of their experience coming out as non-monogamous parents in Australian television.
Connect with them:
evolvingloveproject.com
Evolving Love Project IG
Evolving Love Project Substack
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Book: Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
Jessica Fern's Books
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Visit our website polycurious.com
Book a free exploratory coaching session with me here
Our email is polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
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Chamberlin and Michael struggled a lot in their relationship, having periods of opening and closing, cheating and hurting each other and ultimately breaking up. About a month after they broke up, Chamberlin found out that she was pregnant. And for reasons we discuss in the podcast, this pregnancy completely shifted their relationship, for the best.
Today we also talk about Michael’s process getting comfortable with having threesomes with other men. So if you are in a heterosexual partnership where you might want to bring a second man in, you might find some useful insights in here.
At the end of the episode we also get an update from Mariah, my bestie and ex-cohost of Polycurious.
If you are interested in my relationship coaching services write to me at polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
Resources discussed in the episode:
Powderful (wellness blend)
Costume Closet Instagram + website
Mariah Episode 1 (the Stigma of Non-monogamy)
Mariah Episode 13 (Changing Partners)
Mariah + Fer Episode 25 (Best Friends Open to Play)
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Today I chat with metamours JD and Lorena, as well as their common partner Aviva (a metamour is a partner’s partner.) Even though Aviva and Lorena were dating first, JD has become Aviva’s nesting partner. And today we chat about how even though that transition was a little difficult, Lorena was also very happy for Aviva and JD, someone she knew and really liked.
We also chat about maintaining one's freedom while setting expectations and boundaries and about getting comfortable with the ebb and flow of relationship structures. I was left feeling warm from this conversation as I could really tell there is so much love and respect between the three of them. I hope that regardless of whether you are close with your metamours or not you can take them as an inspiration in your journey.
Resources discussed in this episode:
- Aviva's IG and website where you can find her music
- Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
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Today I speak to Sarah Tilley, Founder and CEO of Beautiful Space. Sarah is a psychedelic guide, integration specialist and couple therapist. Today we speak about her work leveraging the power of psychedelics in relationships. We also speak about what couples might do to increase intimacy even without the use of these substances.
If you are interested in my relationship coaching services reach out to polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
Resources discussed in this episode:
- Wonderland Conference
- Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
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In this episode I talk about the 12 lessons I have learned in my Polycurious journey.
- Be Patient. Go as fast as the slowest person
- Find the right time to talk
- Check with your partner before making plans with other people
- Feeling guilt at first is normal
- Don’t sugarcoat. Be honest with your partner
- Determine how much you want to share with your partner
- Meeting your partner’s partners (metamours) helps with jealousy
- Jealousy and insecurities are likely to decrease with time
- You can’t control your feelings for other people
- Infatuation and New Relationship Energy can be fleeting
- Be careful where you invest your energy
- Non-sexual intimacy can be powerful
If you are interested in my relationship coaching services reach out to polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
Resources discussed in this episode:
- Fer & Seth’s episode
- Jessica’ Esfandiary's episode
- Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
- Rachel Krantz episode
- Dr.Zhana's episode
- Mariah & Fer's episode
- Tory and Jackson's Monocurious episode
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Today I bring to you the second part of my conversation with Natasha + Jeremy, sex coaches and educators behind All The Feels. They give amazing tips around communication in and outside of the bedroom. Jeremy talks about ways that are sexy and respectful to approach women and they both share how to have a threesome that is fun and sexy and where everyone feels safe. We also talk about what one can do if you have a sexual desire or preference your partner doesn’t like.
Our IG live is happening on Sunday May 7th at 2 pm ET 11 am PT. Follow polycuriouspodcast and allthefeels.us on Instagram to stay tuned!
Resources discussed in the episode:
Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power - Carolyn Elliott
Untamed - Glennon Doyle
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Pussy: A Reclamation - Regena Thomashuer
Dr. Eva Cadell Certified Sex Coach
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Today I had a wonderful discussion with Natasha and Jeremy, the couple behind All The Feels. They are certified sex coaches, working on empowering people to have better sex lives. Besides coaching, they also educate through their instagram and their porn videos.
Today we chat about their journeys taking charge of their sexuality and navigating nonmongamy. Natasha also tells us how she went from feeling jealousy to getting turned on when seeing Jeremy having sex with other women.
Our IG live is happening on Sunday May 7th at 2 pm ET 11 am PT. Follow polycuriouspodcast and allthefeels.us on Instagram to stay tuned!
Resources discussed in the episode:
Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power - Carolyn Elliott
Untamed - Glennon Doyle
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Pussy: A Reclamation - Regena Thomashuer
Dr. Eva Cadell Certified Sex Coach
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Today I speak to Jessica Esfandiary, the host of the Open Late podcast. She tells us how she opened up her now 9 year relationship only a few months in, after an ‘accidental’ threesome. We talk about how she went from hiding her open lifestyle even from her closest friends to having a podcast about nonmonogamy. She also tells us the reasons why she likes being polyamorous, including seeing a side of herself she doesn’t always express with her partner.
Listen to Open Late
Spotify: Are You Polycurious with Fernanda from the Polycurious Podcast
Apple Podcast: Are You Polycurious with Fernanda from the Polycurious Podcast
Connect with Open Late on Instagram
Follow Polycurious on
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Resources discussed in the episode:
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures (book)
Relationship Style Quiz
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In the second part of our conversation with Jenny and Kris we chat about a time when Jenny fell in love with a secondary partner and had a hard time managing both relationships. Jenny also tells us about the parties she organizes and how it all began as a way to connect the nonmonogamous community.
Follow Space Invader Social Club on Instagram
Get tickets to their event Purple Haze on 420
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In today’s episode Mariah and I chat with Jenny and Kris, who have been together for almost a decade and navigated nonmonogamy from the beginning. They tell us everything about their introduction to the non monogamous world and what they learned in this process.
Follow Space Invader Social Club on Instagram
Get tickets to their event Purple Haze on 420
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Today I chat with Philip, the host of the podcast Dear Poly where I was a guest last year. And what I loved about having him on Polycurious is that he spoke very authentically about his experience. We go deep into Philip’s coming out story and how he had to break so much stigma in his religious community to be his true self. If you have ever had a hard time letting go of shame, as a queer person, non monogamous person or simply someone with a high sex drive, I think you will resonate with this episode.
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Join us on an Instagram Live this Sunday April 9th at 5 pm EST
Dear Poly website
Follow Dear Poly on Instagram
Listen to Fer's episode on Dear Poly on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
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Jess is a trauma centered relationship coach and plant medicine guide. Zach is a breath work facilitator and men’s intimacy coach. Together they have the Sacred Ships podcast, where I had the pleasure to be a guest last year.
Jess and Zach are both the kind of people who are willing to put the hard work to improve themselves and their relationship. Today we chat about their evolution from monogamous to open, including an engagement and a break up in between. We talk about their sexual trauma and about how they learned to heal, partly through their relationship. Zach opens up about how this trauma led him to use porn in a way affected his sexual performance, and about all the self work that he had to do to get to a comfortable place with his sexuality. And having casual sex with other women and opening up their relationship was actually an important part of this process.
Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss out on new episodes!
Connect to Sacred Ships through their website: https://www.sacred-ships.com/
Follow Sacred Ships on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sacred_ships/
Listen to Fer's episode on the Sacred Ships Podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0pGjUrRMQRW2Pc9MPdyv66
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sacred-ships-ep-11-open-relationships-and-polyamory/id1642529051?i=1000581303238
Other resources:
- Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
https://www.amazon.com/Polysecure-Attachment-Trauma-Consensual-Nonmonogamy/dp/1944934987
- Follow Polycurious on Instagram
https://instagram.com/polycuriouspodcast?igshid=1mrwl69kdbtas
- Follow Polycurious on Tik Tok
https://www.tiktok.com/@polycurious?_t=8VBwNOax1Kg&_r=1
- Follow Polycurious on Facebook
https://m.facebook.com/PolycuriousPodcast/?tsid=0.5207405603100951&source=result
- Follow Polycurious on Twitter
https://mobile.twitter.com/polycuriouspod?s=21&t=W86XAJMTncquccBm17iqFQ
- Follow Polycurious on YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwvPlgPnNBfwzFMWtPLsxpg
In the first episode of our third season Mariah and I spoke to Taylor and Alan, who both identify as solo poly and nonhierarchical even though they have been together for about 5 years. Both of them started their nonmonogamous journey in high school and have since had multiple romantic and sexual partners while being immersed in the poly and sex-positive community.
Today we talk about their experiences of seeing each other fall in love with other people and experiencing jealousy. They also share how polyamory has enriched their lives, allowing them to explore and learn from other people while maintaining their independence. We also get into a very interesting discussion about how tricky it can be to comment on your partner’s relationship with someone else.
You can follow Taylor on IG @velvetsuccubus https://www.instagram.com/velvetsuccubus/
You can follow Hacienda on IG @haciendacommunity https://www.instagram.com/haciendacommunity/
In the last episode of Monocurious we interview Tory and Jackson, a couple living in at Lightning Society, a co-living residence and event space in Brooklyn.
Today Tory and Jackson give us a crash course on non-sexual intimacy. Tory tells us why she decided to remain single for most of her twenties, focusing on her independence and on building intimate relationships with close friends. Jackson, on the other hand, fell into one monogamous relationship after the other. It wasn’t until he met Tory that he realized that relationships could be expansive instead of restricting.
As they were falling in love, Jackson had to get used to Tory’s nonsexual, but very intimate friendships. Eventually, they both learned that having their non-sexual needs met by a community of friends actually strengthened their relationship.
The Monocurious miniseries explores the question: What does monogamy look like in the 21st century? Our relationship dynamics are shifting. Even for people choosing to remain exclusive, monogamy doesn’t look like it used to. Subscribe to the podcast to listen to 3 episodes where you’ll hear from people who are consciously choosing monogamy instead of blindly following convention.
In today's episode, we discuss dating culture, the various contrasts in experience men and women have, as well as some hot tips on communicating expectations after a first date. Tory recently moved to NYC from San Francisco, for work & to find partnership with a Jewish woman. Ava, our Monocurious co-host, has lived & dated in NYC for 8+ years. Tory and Ava share how their family, culture and their own experiences with open dynamics influenced their desire to be monogamous at this stage of their life.The Monocurious miniseries explores the question: What does monogamy look like in the 21st century? Our relationship dynamics are shifting. Even for people choosing to remain exclusive, monogamy doesn’t look like it used to. Subscribe to the podcast to listen to 3 episodes where you’ll hear from people who are consciously choosing monogamy instead of blindly following convention.
Sue & Jon became exclusive not long after their first date and married exactly one year after they met. When we joined them late last year, they were just six weeks away from having a baby. Despite going down what might seem a very conventional path (getting married, buying a house, having a baby), they are welcoming and understanding of the alternative paths many of their friends have taken. In their own words, they are “a floating island of monogamy in a sea of fluidity." And although they remain monogamous, being in an open community inspired them to allow space for their independence and focus on building trust and communication.
Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of our episodes.
The Monocurious miniseries explores the question: What does monogamy look like in the 21st century? Our relationship dynamics are shifting. Even for people choosing to remain exclusive, monogamy doesn’t look like it used to. Subscribe to the podcast to listen to 3 episodes where you’ll hear from people who are consciously choosing monogamy instead of blindly following convention.
Grab your ticket for "Monogamy, Non-monogamy and Everything in Between: a Dinner & Discussion" on Friday Dec 16th here (or by copy pasting the link below)
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/monogamy-non-monogamy-everything-in-between-a-dinner-discussion-tickets-482764219777
Follow us on Instagram here.
In our season finale I speak to Mariah (the occasional co-host of the podcast) about how our relationship. We tell the story of how it developed from a friendship to that of best friends who very occasionally play.
We also give you an update on where we are in our relationships and exploration of non-monogamy. I talk about how a new level of engagement with a secondary person is teaching me to be more mindful of prioritizing my primary relationship with Seth and making me reflect on the boundary between non-monogamy and polyamory.
Mariah talks about her relationship with James and how their exploration of non-monogamy has been difficult for them, but she also shares how they have been trying to make the relationship work.
E 12 - Fer & Seth: Monogamy in a Non-monogamous Relationship
https://link.chtbl.com/sethfer
E13 - Mariah: Coming out as Polyamorous and Changing Partners (Season Finale)
https://link.chtbl.com/mariahseason1
S2 E3 - Queer Dating Coach Ariella Serur: Dating as a Newly Queer Person and New Relationship Energy
https://link.chtbl.com/queerdatingariella
In this episode, I speak to Ari and Jeshua, a polyamorous couple that has been together for 2.5 years. In our conversation, we talk about their experiences dating people together and separately, their growth from secondary relationships, and their polyamorous community. We also have an interesting conversation about expressing your feelings for other people to your primary partner. Lastly, Jeshua shares how being polyamorous has enabled him to explore his bisexuality.
In this episode, I chat with Marcela, also known as @thehypoqueen on Instagram. Marcela tells us about her shared sexual and romantic experiences with her former partner Brad, including forming a beautiful triad with another woman. Marcela also tells us how Brad and her decided to separate after over 4 years of being together and how they are approaching this new phase of their relationship.
Follow Marcela on Instagram @thehypoqueen and mention you are a polycurious listener for a 20 percent discount
https://www.instagram.com/thehypnoqueen/?hl=en
Learn more about CAMP (Calling All Magical People)
https://www.callingallmagicalpeople.com/
code STAYMAGICAL for a discount
Book: Close Your Eyes, Get Free: Use Self-Hypnosis to Reduce Stress, Quit Bad Habits, and Achieve Greater Relaxation and Focus
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N4TX2I7/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
In this episode I chat with Valentin (Awake and Sexy on Instagram). Valentin is an Internal Family Systems-trained Intimacy Coach & Guide living in Brooklyn, NY. He helps mindful humans to love their Inner Parts and their Partner(s) better by moving toward more self-acceptance within and more intentionality with others.
In this conversation we talk about Valentin’s own struggles with anxiety and intimacy and how they led him to delve into several mindfulness techniques and eventually leave his corporate job to start Awake and Sexy. We talk about Neo-tantra, MDMA therapy, and briefly touch on Internal Family Systems. Valentin also shares his own non-monogamous journey and gives us great advice on how to communicate desires. Lastly, we have an interesting discussion around ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ dynamics and more generally around how much to share with one’s partners about secondary relationships.
Connect with Valentin:
Awake and Sexy Instagram
https://instagram.com/awakeandsexy?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
awakeandsexy.com
Book: No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model
Sex with Emily Yes, No, Maybe List: Find New Ways to Play
Book: Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
A common challenge couples who start opening up face is that they realize that they have different ideas of what that actually means. In this special episode we listen back to some guests from the first season who had different desires or faced an imbalance in the way they approached non-monogamy.
Guests from Season 1 included in this episode:
- Episode 2 - Dr. Zhana - https://link.chtbl.com/drzhanapolycurious
- Episode 5 - S & J - https://link.chtbl.com/sjpolycurious
- Episode 8 - Tarynn - https://link.chtbl.com/tarynnpolycurious
- Episode 12 - Fer & Seth - https://link.chtbl.com/fersethpolycurious
- Episode 7 - Ana & Dustin - https://link.chtbl.com/anadustinpolycurious
- Episode 11 - Ruth & Alejandro - https://link.chtbl.com/ruthalejandropolycurious
Carol and David have been in a polyamorous relationship for about eight years. In this conversation, we chat about their boundaries evolving from a three page document to simply having to check in with one another. They share some of the difficulties that they experienced as they navigated having more than one serious romantic partner. We talk about an accidental breach of trust and about how that experience taught them to communicate better. And last but not least, we chat about all of the reasons why being polyamorous benefits their relationship.
In this episode I speak with Rachel Krantz, former editor at Bustle and Author of the book Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation and Non-Monogamy. Her book is both a cautionary tale about gaslighting and manipulation and a story about the lessons and fun experiences that being open can bring.
We talk about the red flags that might indicate you are being manipulated and discuss why often times partners are not even aware that they are being abusive. We chat about jealousy, swingers, and submissive dominant dynamics. Lastly, Rachel tells us why she chooses to still be non-monogamous and how she learned ethical non-monogamy.
Rachel's Book: Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation and Non-Monogamy - https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/646533/open-by-rachel-krantz/?ref=PRH59CEBDB9B4&aid=20973&linkid=PRH59CEBDB9B4
Love In Abundance by Kathy Labriola
Multiamory Podcast
The Network La Red
In this episode, Mariah and I chat with London about her solo polyamorous journey. London shares her reasons for not seeking a primary partner and the ways that she is working on getting validation for herself and letting go of expectations when it comes to relationships. We talk about the importance of communicating intentions and feelings, even with people one is casually dating. Last but not least, we go in-depth about London’s experience dating a couple for over a year and all of the reasons why being a unicorn was so special.
In this episode I chat with my friends Jasmine and Felipe. They have been together for about a year and a half. With the exception of a short period at the beginning where they dated independently, they have only had experiences as a couple and mostly with women.
I chat with my friends Jasmine and Felipe about their experiences flirting and exploring. They tell us why dating separately sounds both intriguing and threatening to them. We also talk about the complexity of making moves on friends and about the sexy experiences they have had meeting new people after the pandemic.
Fernanda's Interview with the M.G.C Podcast
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnH9asDS4jc
Apple Podcasts - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/is-non-monogamy-right-for-you-fernanda-polycurious-podcast/id1539778445?i=1000542135099
Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/episode/56ef8qwaKFopDNeyVoSr7T?si=kPyKMm3ORYyyGZ1oh7kmfA&nd=1
Queer Dating Coach, Ariella Serur, is a Certified Life Coach and is currently receiving a Graduate Advanced Certificate from Columbia University's School of Psychology in Sexuality, Women, and Gender with a concentration in LGBTQ Issues. In her practice, she works with queer people navigating the dating world, so dating becomes an enjoyable process and part of their personal growth journey.
In this conversation, Mariah and I chat about Ariella’s own queerness and non-monogamous journey. We discuss how to date as a newly queer person and how to deal with feelings of infatuation and new relationship energy while having a primary partner. We also get into a really interesting conversation about how to read if someone is into you as well as how you might (respectfully) get non-verbal consent from your date.
Ariella's Ebook “How To Tell If Someone’s Queer (And How To Connect Regardless)” https://www.queerdatingcoach.com/ebook
Shameless Sex Episode #5 Casual Sex With Reid Mihalko
Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/episode/69HmxdIpI45ULpTNgyx9RG?si=Epj9liQlSe2GPzQ4rW9bXQ
Apple Podcasts - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shameless-sex/id1242394336?i=1000389211238
Curious Fox - https://www.wearecuriousfoxes.com/
Awake and Sexy's reel on how to make a request that is both hot and consent savvy - https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZGYYqPFNH5/?utm_medium=copy_link
Roxy and Taj have been together for over 3 years and have had several group sex experiences together. They explored playing with couples, but eventually decided they preferred to only have threesomes with women. In this conversation, we chat about how they arrived at that decision. We also talk about Roxy’s process of opening up and letting go of what was expected from her community and about Taj’s past failed non-monogamous experiences. Their journey is an example of how when opening up you might not really know what is right for you or what your boundaries are but it is through experience that you can find what Taj calls ‘the sweet spot’.
On our season premiere Cookie and Jerry open up about their journey and the break in the relationship they are currently taking. They tell us about how they managed their non-monogamous relationship of over 3 years, opening and closing at different points. We talk about why Cookie decided to move out and about how their current separation has benefited their relationship. This conversation highlights how communication has to be a continuous effort. No matter how long you have been together, things change all the time. You have to do what is right for you even if it is different from what worked in the past or what works for your partner.
—
Tarynn is a New York-based Psychotherapist that focuses on alternative sexualities & lifestyles – including non-monogamy. She is giving Polycurious listeners a 30 percent discount for sessions booked in March. You can write to her at tarynndier@gmail.com or visit her website https://www.tarynndier.com/
This bonus episode is an edited version of our interview for a feature article in Bushwick Daily. Allie Ferrera interviewed both Mariah and I about the podcast. We talked about the inspiration behind Polycurious, the difference and similarities between monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, and what boundaries mean for us. We also have a special announcement: we will be releasing a second season next year! In this episode you will learn what to expect from it.
To read the article click here.
If you like the show I'd love it if you shared it with a friend, family member or lover.
Follow us on Instagram at polycuriouspodcast
Write to us at polycuriouspodcast@gmail.com
For our last episode of the season I chat with my co-host and best friend Mariah. If you haven’t listened to the first episode of the season where I interview her for the first time, go back and listen now. In our conversation, Mariah updates us about coming out to her family as polyamorous. We talk about her experience falling in love with someone else while already with a primary partner. She shares what led to their break up and what she learned from that experience. We then talk about her new partner and the difficulties of transitioning from a polyamorous relationship to a (mostly) monogamous one. Lastly, we talk about our experience creating the first season of Polycurious.
In this episode I interview Seth, my partner of almost 3 years. So far he hasn’t sought out to be non-monogamous, despite having a partner who is (me!). In our conversation Seth tells us about his upbringing as a homeschooler and the son of a pastor in a small midwestern town. We talk about how we met and his reasons for not pursuing non-monogamy. We tell you what our boundaries are and how they have evolved. Lastly, we talk about the secret to our relationship: letting each other be ourselves and maintaining our independence.
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In today’s episode I speak to my wonderful friends Ruth and Alejandro. They have been together for eight years and married for four. In this conversation they tell us how everything went wrong when they first met and how they ended up together anyway. They share their missteps as they began to open up their relationship, including a disastrous first threesome. We talk about their boundaries, how they have evolved, and Alejandro shares a story of how he overcame an insecurity that he had. Lastly, they share what they have learned after exploring non-monogamy for so many years.
Monogamish Essay
Podcast where they have previously appeared:
HuffPost Love + Sex Podcast
Touchpoint
Mariah and I talk to Mr. K, who is a friend of ours and someone who tried polyamory and realized that it might not be for him.
In this conversation we talk about how after discovering polyamory his dream was to have two long term committed relationships and be friends with his metamours (partner’s partners). He tells us how he realized that might not be possible after trying it himself and being in the poly scene for five years. We also talk about how despite that, he considers himself as someone with a lot of poly characteristics such as barely experiencing jealousy and wanting to connect with metamours. Lastly, he tells us about his experience dating someone with a primary and how he sees his future relationships.
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Anna and Chetan have been together for 4 years, but individually, they have been exploring non-monogamy for almost 15 years. In this conversation they share what they have learned during that time. They also share their experience forming a triad and how that dissolved before moving in together. Lastly, they give lots of great advice for polycurious people, specially when it comes to jealousy.
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Tarynn is a New York-based Psychotherapist. She focuses on alternative sexualities & lifestyles – including non-monogamy. In this episode we talk about how she opened up with her husband of 8 years. She tells us about another partner she considers as significant as her husband and how she achieved a comfortable "kitchen table" dynamic between the three of them. We also talk about how she plans to communicate with her daughter about non-monogamy and about therapy for alternative relationships.
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Book Come as You Are (The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life) by Emily Nagoski
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Ana and Dustin are a married polyamorous couple who have a very loving and inspiring relationship. In this conversation we talk about the way gender roles influence non-monogamy: how they played a role in Dustin’s jealousy and how they affect the way they each relate to other potential partners.
We also talk about the importance of establishing a solid base on one’s relationship before opening up. They share some of their challenges and provide great advice. Lastly, they turn the tables on me and ask me about challenges in my relationship and my advice to polycurious people.
Watch their dating show Quarantine Crush
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Frankie is a friend of mine and an incredibly inspiring person when it comes to dealing with non-monogamy. In this conversation, she shared with Mariah and me a particular experience of jealousy, and they way she handled it, I feel we can all learn from. When faced with her uncomfortable feelings, she decided to approach the person she felt triggered by and this episode followed that story to how that turned out. We also talk about why non-monogamy makes sense for some people and not for others, about the importance of communication and vulnerability, how relationships evolve, and her new exploration of couples.
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In this conversation I speak to S & J, a married couple from Brooklyn. We speak about how they decided to open up their marriage and learned to navigate their different ideas of what that actually looked like. J, who is a man, was initially more interested in having experiences as a couple and S, who is a woman, wanted to see people independently. Through trial and error, J learned to manage his feelings of jealousy. They eventually reached a point in which they both feel comfortable in the relationship, despite the fact that they are open in different ways.
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In Part 2 of our conversation with Safi and Fifi we go deeper by talking about their relationship. They narrate their love story and share with us inner layers that help them navigate polyamory together. We talk about how Safi developed compersion, which is a feeling of joy when a loved one takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. They share challenges they have encountered and provide tips for polycurious people. They also tell us a bit about their YouTube channel, which you should definitely check out if you haven’t yet.
Check out their YouTube channel
Follow them on Instagram at @safi.n.fifi
Book The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
This is part 1 of our conversation with Safi & Fifi, a queer polyamorous couple who host a YouTube channel where they share their experience and provide tips for other polyamorous couples.
In our conversation they talk through their journey coming to terms with their sexuality, gender and non-monogamous identity. Fifi as a second generation Latina from the Bronx and Safi as an African American from Brooklyn.
Stay tuned for next episode where they share how they met, how their relationship works and the struggles they have encountered.
Check out their YouTube channel
Follow them on Instagram at @safi.n.fifi
Book The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy
In this episode I speak with Dr.Zhana, a professor of sexuality at New York University and the creator of the Open Smarter Course, a science-based course designed to figure out what type of relationship works for YOU based on your personality. She is also the mastermind behind Uncensored with Dr.Zhana, a new approach to having online conversations about sex and love. In this conversation we talk about Dr.Zhana's own non-monogamous journey, her research on casual sex and some of the important traits to consider when deciding what type of relationship works for you.
Open Smarter Course
Uncensored
Book Come as You Are (The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life) by Emily Nagoski
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In this episode, we introduce Polycurious, what you can expect from episodes to come, and an interview with our occasional co-host, Mariah. We dive into all the juicy details around her journey into non-monogamy, the stigma around non-monogomy (especially how it relates to her family), her first play party, relationship with her primary, and experience with jealousy.
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