You will hear:* My favorite tricks for preventing big messes before they happen * Simple clean-up solutions for floors, carpets, and everyday EC accidents * How to make observation time less messy and more productive
Links and other resources mentioned today:* Easy Start Guide for Elimination Communication - get started today for free * The Go Diaper Free Book for ages 0-18 months * Tiny Potty Training Book for ages 18 months and up * Top Hat Potty or Mini Potty by Tiny Undies * Tiny Trainers Is praising during potty training good or bad? Should we praise our babies when they use the potty while doing elimination communication?
This is a great question and one that I feel fairly strongly about.
Praise can be communicated in many ways, and depending on the way it’s used, and whether it’s for internally-motivated or externally-motivated behaviors.
Elimination communication and toilet training both involve internally-motivated behaviors.
If your child is externally-motivated to use the potty, to please you or earn a sticker or M&M, then the potential for rebellion and a dysfunctional relationship to toileting is nigh!
Here’s an excerpt from my book about why I no longer praise. I hope it helps you lots:
WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU CATCH A PEE/POOPLots of people have differing opinions on this. Some people praise the baby, some people praise the action, others reflect what they see/saw, others state their pleasure, and still others say nothing.
After much research, experience, and thought, I recommend that you either (1) Reflect & Notice, or (2) Say Nothing. Before I get to those, here’s a bit about why I no longer praise my babies.
WHY I NO LONGER PRAISEAfter a catch, I used to praise and [albeit positively] judge. In the beginning, I would excitedly say, “Good peepee/poopoo!” and praise my first baby for going. You can see proof of this in most of the videos I taped before I had this epiphany.
After about 5 months, I reassessed this choice and decided to stop praising and start reflecting. Why? Well, I learned that as we praise children (for anything) they begin to do things to receive our praise and thus become extrinsically motivated. My hopes for my babies are the opposite: I want them to be motivated from within themselves.
Further, when I would say that a peepee is “good,” I implied there is also a “bad” version out there. The child may think, If I don’t do it “right,” am I “bad?” This type of positive or negative language comes across as criticism, even if well-intentioned.
I did not do any permanent damage – my tone was appropriate. We all say “good job,” right? It’s okay sometimes, I guess. But going to the bathroom is a natural process stemming from an inner motivation to take care of one’s hygiene and is not meant to happen out of a motivation to please you.
1. Reflect & Notice
The alternative to praise is reflecting or noticing. This means describing what you see baby do without making a big deal out of it. You can even notice how you feel inside and express that. Some examples of how to notice and reflect are:
“You’re peeing.”
“You went pee/poop in the sink.”
“You peed on the carpet. Peepee belongs in the bathroom.”
“You pooped in the potty. I’m excited. That’s where poop goes.”
“You feel relief because you peepeed.”
“What a relief to pee. It feels good to pee outside of your diaper.”
“You went poopoo, ahhhh.” (the noise “Ahhh” reflects the feeling of release)
Even words as simple as “Yay!” or “Wow!” will communicate the satisfaction you feel when she pees in the desired place.
2. Say Nothing
In cultures where infant pottying is the norm, most parents say nothing upon a successful potty. It’s expected that the baby should ask to go pee, and the parent should take her (or that an unspoken intuition should guide it all). It’s not really an exciting event because it is so socially ingrained as part of the “norm” and thus there’s never a big deal made of pottying. It’s a natural given.
Laurie Boucke writes in Infant Potty Training that some parents in intact cultures become upset about a miss in the middle of the kitchen, after the baby is old enough to “know better,” but never do they become upset with the child, nor make her feel wrong. They are only displeased with the activity. This displeasure clearly & honestly demonstrates to the child which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
The best ways to clean up the pee and poo Remember that pee and poop actually come out sterile. It’s when they sit there for a while that they get all bacteria-fied. * Clean up with a natural cleaner (such as Seventh Generation’s All Surface Cleaner with Thyme) and a rag, sponge, or paper towel. Spray the floor then wipe. * If it’s your carpet that became blessed with soilage, use a pet mess//carpet cleaner like OUT! (for pet stains – it works!) or Resolve for carpets. (Podcast #64 covers How to clean pee out of a mattress/carpet/couch) * If there were towels underneath baby, have some clean ones handy before* you begin so you can swap ‘em out when the time comes. * If there’s solid poop, pick it up as you would a dog’s accidental indoor poop and drop it in the toilet, flush, and deal with the carpet or floor as stated above.
Thanks for asking your question!Watch the Video Version If you want to watch the recording of today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:
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I look forward to discussing with you in the comments, below!
xx Andrea
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This is a re-post of an article originally published by Andrea Olson on 12/15/20
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