On Laziness

To be modern is to realize that even being lazy takes effort. One, I have to get my ass to the grocery store to pick up snacks. Two, I have to schedule a window for relaxation. Three, I’ll accidentally eat up all my snacks before settling on a movie because there’re so many choices. This whole cycle is the reason why I’m the dumbest person when it comes down to movie references.

On Retail

I went to the mall today for a new sweater and it just occurred to me that I found it comforting to be in shopping malls. People were extremely nice to me because they were paid to do so. This took the stress off because the relationship was purely transactional without an ounce of false sincerity. I picked out a sweater and locked myself in a fitting room. Within the first minute, the lady knocked on my door 3 times:

“Is the size ok?”

“Is it too hot in there?”

“Are you feeling comfortable?”

Not even my mom’s that interested in me and it made perfect sense. The entire trick was that they made me feel bad about receiving such grandma-level care. So at the end of the day, I had to pull out my wallet to buy the guilt away. That right there was a prime example of how the retail industry makes its money.

On The Ideal Conversation

People nowadays have too high of a standard for what a good conversation should be. Here’s a revised definition: a good modern conversation for me is simply an exchange where both parties will part ways without:

A: Getting angry at each other.

B: Feeling like they’ve wasted their time.

C: Disclosing anything you’d disclose to your Significant Other or your mom.

Hence, the duration of the said Modern Conversation should be as short as possible. Here’s an example. After I came back from the mall, I got into the lift of my apartment’s lobby. Right before it closed, I held the doors for a girl in a green turtleneck.

“Thank you! Thank you!” She had that frazzled smile of someone just off of work.

“Rough day at work?” I said.

“Yeah… Yeah!” She shoved her phone in her pocket and kept that smile about.

“Which floor?” I pressed 9 and looked at her.

“6… Thank you so much!” The same smile.

I pressed 6 and said: “What do you do?”

“Oh! I work at a marketing agency! And, man! Big day!”

“I feel for you,” I said.

“Yeah. Haha.” A nervous little laugh. “What do you do?”

“I write full time,” Before she could probe deeper, the door opened when the lift reached the 6th floor.

“Oh! This is me! Have a good night!” She hopped out of the lift. I waved and closed both the lift and a Modern Conversation.