Breaking Bread Podcast: Recent Episodes

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Maps can be helpful in seeing a larger landscape. They help answer relevant questions such as "Where are we?", "Where am I going?", "What might I expect along the journey?". In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller have a conversation about six movements along the path of spiritual growth. They give us a map to help us understand what growth in Christ looks like.

Show notes:

We never fully graduate from these movements, nor are they strictly linear. We visit and revisit them through the course of our lives as we grow in Christlikeness.

• Movement 1 – Abiding in Jesus: Attachment Formation
• Movement 2 – Growing in God's Family: Belonging Formation
• Movement 3 – Training in Christlikeness: Practice Formation
• Movement 4 – Joining in God's Work: Vocation Formation
• Movement 5 – Being Formed in the Heart: Inner Formation
• Movement 6 – Walking in the Spirit: Responsiveness Formation

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Maps can be helpful in seeing a larger landscape. They help answer relevant questions such as "Where are we?", "Where am I going?", "What might I expect along the journey?". In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller have a conversation about six movements along the path of spiritual growth. They give us a map to help us understand what growth in Christ looks like.

Show notes:

We never fully graduate from these movements, nor are they strictly linear. We visit and revisit them through the course of our lives as we grow in Christlikeness.

• Movement 1 - Abiding in Jesus: Attachment Formation
• Movement 2 - Growing in God's Family: Belonging Formation
• Movement 3 - Training in Christlikeness: Practice Formation
• Movement 4 - Joining in God's Work: Vocation Formation
• Movement 5 - Being Formed in the Heart: Inner Formation
• Movement 6 - Walking in the Spirit: Responsiveness Formation

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We live in an offensive world. Jesus warned us that we would. It is important that we acquire a skillset that is resilient against offense. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling outlines what this looks like for the believer.

Show Notes:

"Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!" ~ Jesus (Matthew 18:7)

The word offense, in this podcast, means much more than being insulted or irritated. It is a sin against another person. Such a sin committed against another causes a painful wound. If this wound goes unhealed, the potential for serious infection exists. This infection can lead to bitterness, anger, and if left untreated, produce rebellion against God and others in our hearts.

As believers, we can shed offenses against us and live free from the damage offense brings. To do so, we:

• Understand that we both offend and are offended. We are thankful for Christ's forgiveness.
• Understand Satan to be the real enemy. We can view the offender with a measure of grace.
• Extend forgiveness by giving the offense to Christ who paid for it on the cross.

Living in an offensive world will bring Christ near because he is so desperately needed.

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There are so many external demands on our time and attention - anxiety inducing demands. Demands that answer questions like: What should I care about? What should I strive for? What is success? In this podcast of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Kathy Knochel help us see that the demands after all might not be from an external voice but rather our own internal one. Fortunately, there are practical ways to ground ourselves in such a way that this voice is grounded in truth and goodness.

Show notes:

• Grounding is the anchoring of ourselves in truth and reality.

• Grounding allows us to evaluate the demands we feel. It affords us the space to ask helpful questions.

• • What is true?
• • What does God say?
• • What is realistic?
• • What are my values?

• Having a strong since of reality is increasingly challenging in a world of curated fantasy.

• Our perception of reality and internalization of demands is a shaping we undergo over time through repeated experiences. This shaping can be towards truth or away.

• One way we can step into a healthy shaping is to practice spiritual disciplines.

• • Bible reading
• • Prayer
• • Silence
• • Confession
• • Accountable relationships

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Loss is common to all of us and yet unique. Pain accompanies our losses, and grief accompanies our pain. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Bill Schmidgall and Kathy Knochel speak to this common yet unique experience of grieving and the hope for healing.

Show notes:

Grief marks the pain of loss, which by God's grace, is holy ground for God's shaping in our lives.

• Grieving: the reaction to the pain of losing someone or something dear.

• Losses: people, possessions, hopes, aspirations that were real at one time and now are not.

• Despair: the unsettling hopeless feeling of realizing what once was, will not ever be again.

• Hope: finding a settled peace where the loss has its proper present effect on your new normal.

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Drift is slow, passive, and creates unwanted distance over time. Without intentionality, relationships can experience drift. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer addresses marital drift. When husbands and wives drift apart. In this episode we will discuss what drift is, what it looks like, and how to close the distance.

Show notes:

Marital drift is the slow process of spouses unintentionally becoming distant over time.

What it looks like:

• Routines replace intimacy.

• Relational distance grows.

• Small intimate gestures fade.

• Spouses act more like roommates than friends.

• Spouses love each other but are not connected.

• Spouses are increasingly living separate lives.

Closing the distance:

• Acknowledge that drift has happened.

• Incorporate small acts of love that build intimacy.

• Learn about each other's worlds.

• Build friendship.

• Avoid making negative comparisons of your spouse.

• Practice thankfulness.

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Brain development can be understood as a process of four maturing stages: survival, emotional, attachment and cognitive. These stages hold a key to understanding both poor and healthy thought processes. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Dr. Kirby Reutter steps us through brain development, how trauma impacts it and how by God's grace we can think healthier.

Show Notes:

• The first dimension of the brain to develop very early in life is the survival brain. Survival lies at the heart of the operations of the survival brain. The responses of fight, flight and freeze protect and train us to respond to our surrounds and preserve life.
  • Healthy development : A child has a healthy co-regulator (parent figure) who helps them regulate their responses and properly protects them.
  • Unhealthy development: A child does not have a healthy co-regulator and their safety is exploited. Fight, flight and freeze become a constant regular reaction to outside stimuli.
• The second dimension of the brain to develop is the emotional brain. Responses to outside stimuli are mapped to feelings.
  • Healthy development: A properly developed survival brain allows for a developing emotional brain. The full range of emotions, both comfortable emotions (positive) and uncomfortable emotions (negative) are appropriately experienced.
  • Unhealthy development: An underdeveloped survival brain has a detrimental effect on the developing emotional brain. Negative emotions (primarily fear and anger) are over developed because of their abundant use. At the same time, positive emotions under develop because of their infrequent use or betraying affect.
• The third dimension of the brain to develop is the attachment brain. This development helps us connect with another human in relationship.
  • Healthy development: A healthy emotional brain allows for a healthy attachment brain to develop. A recognition exists that people and relationships are needed. A child is seen, safe and soothed by another person (parent figure).
  • Unhealthy development: An unhealthy emotional brain thwarts a maturing attachment brain. A belief emerges that recognizes people as a threat and relationships as dangerous.
• The fourth dimension of the brain to develop is the cognitive brain. This is the thinking brain, responsible for reasoning and judgement.
  • Healthy development: A healthy attachment brain gives way to healthy thinking and reasoning. A healthy cognitive brain will making good decisions, recognize cause and effect, seeing short term and long term goals, identifying pros and cons, thinking abstractly, theoretically, logically and linguistically.
  • Unhealthy development: An unhealthy attachment brain skews the cognitive development. Decisions and judgements are made through the lens of a threatening world.

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When a spouse is on the autistic spectrum, marriages can experience unique challenges. Communication and understanding will likely be impacted. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer speaks to these unique challenges and provides a roadmap to flourishing.

Show notes:

When communication is significantly strained in marriage, neuro-diversity may be present. Often, in these marriages, the amount, frequency, intensity and duration of these struggles are higher when compared to neuro-typical marriages.

A neuro-typical marriage is a marriage where both spouses learn, process information, communicate and emotionally regulate in a manner similar to the norms of the population. A neuro-divergent marriage is a marriage where at least one spouse learns, processes information, communicates and emotionally regulates in a manner different than the norms of the population. One example of neuro-divergence is a person who is on the autism spectrum.

If a person suspects they are on the autism spectrum, getting a diagnosis is encouraged. A diagnosis will give clarity and provide healthy understanding for living well in relationships.

Living well in a neuro-divergent marriage where autism is present will require growing in theory of mind, speaking, listening, body language and empathy.

• Theory of mind is being able to read what the other might be thinking, feeling and intending. In neuro-divergent couples, this requires learning and understanding how the other thinks.
• How we use words can differ among neuro-typical and neuro-divergent spouses. For example, those on the autistic spectrum are more literal than their neuro-typical spouse. Learning what is meant by the words our spouses' use is an important component of communicating well.
• By extension, listening well means we learn to understand both what the other means and doesn't mean by the words they use.
• Much of human communication is non-verbal. Eye contact, expressions, and mannerisms help convey the meaning of what we say. In marriages where autism is present, each needs to learn what to read and what not to read in the body language of the other.
• Empathy is being able to feel with another person. In neuro-divergent couples, this requires each to learn how to empathize with the other. It is important to understand that the empathy of each will look different from the other.

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What if I choose the wrong option? What if a better option comes a long? These are a few of the questions that plague decision makers. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Ted Witzig Jr. discuss the angst that can accompany decision making. While we desire to have certainty about future outcomes, it remains elusive. Yet, there is a certainty that the believer has, and it can make all the difference.

Show notes:

Decisional Stress can be understood in three tiers.

Tier 1 is experienced by everyone and very common. We make decisions everyday of varying significance. We all can relate to the unsettling feeling of uncertainty. While we would like to know the outcome of our decision before we make it, we cannot. Thus, we learn to live with uncertainty.

Tier 2 is experienced by some people. It is called decisional doubt. Stress and anxiety are induced by situational "high stakes" decisions. These decisions feel significant to us. Choosing a college, buying a house, making a career move, for example are time sensitive and weighty in consequence.

Tier 3 is experienced by fewer. It is called obsessional doubt. OCD and anxiety disorders can complicate decision making and coming to a place of peace and comfort regarding a decision becomes difficult. Seeking reassurance over and over becomes characteristic of the struggle.

Decisional stress plays to our desire for certainty in all three tiers. When it comes to decision making, the believer needs to shift certainty from the decisional outcome to another place. Three such places are outlined below.

• God: Find confidence in God's presence, goodness and promises.

• Values: Find confidence in knowing what your values are and making decisions in step with your values.

• Godly counsel: Find confidence in having had your decision informed by wise counsel.

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Change, when it is for the better, always accompanies healthy human growth. When it comes to emotional, relational and spiritual change, repentance is an apt feature to discuss. After all, repentance means changing your mind. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Chad Leman and Brian Sutter shed light on both the "why" and "how" of repentance.

Show Notes:

Repentance in three movements.

Movement 1: God's goodness.

• Romans 2 says God's goodness leads us to repentance. His work, his grace, his Spirit and his presence makes our repentance both possible and welcome.
• Repentance is the realignment of ourselves to God.

Movement 2: The cross.

• After the pattern of Christ, repentance requires a death. This is dying to ourselves. Here we see ourselves honestly before God. Understand our error and need for change. We shift our trust from ourselves to God.

Movement 3: The Resurrection.

• After the pattern of Christ, repentance is evidenced by new life. We live as those oriented toward God and in agreement with him.

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Show notes:

Growing into Christlikeness is not a linear process. Yet the historic Christian church has identified three movements that we revisit with increasing depth.

• Purification: This refers to growing in increasing moral excellence.

• Illumination: This refers to growing in increasing understanding of truth.

• Communion: This refers to growing in increasing fellowship with God.

These provide a helpful "map" for understanding the invitation before us to grow in Christ-likeness. In the middle ages of our life, we can expect God to use the stage we are in to perform these movements of growth. Career, family, responsibilities, duties and life circumstances are not a deterrent for spiritual growth but instead serve as the context for which our spiritual growth happens.

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Christ knew what he was doing when he gave his disciples what we have come to call "The Lord's Prayer." It is beautiful to the ear. Rhythmic to the tongue. Simple to remember and loaded with power. In this episode, Joe Leman highlights this beauty and power and helps us see the hope of human transformation that is instore for any who would take up the prayer and pray it.

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Stress is a very real part of our lives. How we manage stress can have healthy or unhealthy consequences. Fortunately, one tool we should be using to soothe stress in one another is stress-reducing conversations. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer, Craig Stickling, and Brian Sutter explain how to have these purposeful conversations.

Show notes:

What is stress-related conversation?

• A conversation that has at its purpose the intention of soothing the emotions in a stress heightened individual and thereby reducing their stress levels.

What qualities are present in stress-reducing conversation?

• Active listening, attending presence, non-judgement, non-criticizing, empathetic agreement.

What should your posture be for being a stress-reducing partner in a conversation?

• Have an eye towards being on the same team with the other.

What are some different applied contexts for stress-reducing conversations?

• Marriage: Look for them with your spouse if you are married.
• Family: Look for them with your kids if you are a parent.
• Neighbors: Look for them with community members.

What good are stress-reducing conversations beyond reducing stress?

• Stress-reducing conversations build the safety to eventually step into conversations with other purposes such as conflict resolution or corrective conversations.

How do I carry out stress-reducing conversations when I disagree with the person that has heightened stress?

• Separate the matter of disagreement from the person. Connect with the person first. Then when safety is achieved and we are on a team together, voicing disagreement can happen in effective ways.

What makes stress-reducing conversations difficult?

• Fixating on accuracy.

• Fixating on solutions.

• Inability to detect emotions.

• Inability to stay present with a person.

What does it mean to be intentional with stress-reducing conversations?

• Have conversations with the express purpose to be stress relieving. Select topics thoughtfully that you can be "on the same team" about.

What is at stake if loved ones don't engage each other in stress-reducing conversations?

• We might look for stress-reducing conversations from unsafe sources such as AI or other people.

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Healthy relationships require that we are open to being influenced. After all, what is a relationship if it doesn't include give and take. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what both research and experience has taught him about the importance of accepting influence in relationships.

Show notes:

What does accepting relational influence mean?

• Allowing those we are in relationship with to shape and impact our thinking, feeling and behaving.

What does not accepting relational influence look like?

• Relationship rigidity resulting in dismissing or being un-moved by the input, wisdom, experience and interaction of another individual.

What does the research say?

• Husbands who accept influence from their wives tend to have happier and more satisfying relationships.
• The more influence a spouse is willing to accept, the more influential they can be.

What makes accepting relational influence difficult?

• Being defensive or the tendency to recoil from perceived challenges.
• Black and white thinking or the tendency to see matters in either/or categories.
• Avoidant or the tendency to avoid relationship disagreement and friction.
• Misunderstood roles in relationship or the tendency to enter a relationship with a role modeled or taught to you that does not permit influence.
• Lack of relationship safety.

What happens if we don't accept influence?

• The relationship tends towards disconnection.

Does accepting influence mean finding agreement?

• Yes and no. Yes – you both agree that the other is worth understanding well enough to know when and how to yield to them. No – agreement is not the objective. In fact, disagreement is common and still should include influence.

What does healthy influence look like amid disagreement?

• When a person says "no" in a relationship, they should simultaneously say "yes" to the friend or spouse they are in relationship with. By this we mean, those we are in relationship should always feel they have been understood and valued enough to have influenced us regardless of the decision at hand.

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Parenting has its eye towards producing future adults. One powerful adult forming tool is instilling good habits in our kids. A well parented habit can pay dividends in the long run by building the muscle memory to do what otherwise would not be natural. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter examples this by suggesting three habits that will produce very welcome attributes in our children as adults.

Show notes:

Healthy habits can help grow and mature our children. And yet, to do this, the habit needs to grow and mature with the child. Three examples are given.

Example 1: Goal: To produce thankful adults.

• Habit – Say, "Thank you."
• Growing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________."
• Maturing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________ that is a gift to me."

Example 2: Goal: To produce a humble adults.

• Habit – Say, "I'm sorry."
• Growing habit – Say, "I'm sorry I ________."
• Maturing habit – Say, "I __________, how did that make you feel? I'm sorry."

Example 3: Goal: To produce adults who are good listeners.

• Habit – Say, "Tell me what you think."
• Growing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn."
• Maturing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn and value your insights."

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We all have room for growth. Yet sometimes our progress gets stalled, and we get discouraged. This discouragement might be because we are measuring the wrong thing. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps correct this mistake and teaches us to measure from the bottom-up.

Show notes:

Measuring human growth can be tricky. We often evaluate our progress by measuring from one of three perspectives:

• From top-down: This happens when we measure the gap between who we are and who we want to ideally be. For lofty goals, this measurement often leaves us discouraged. The gap becomes a continual reminder we are "way off the mark" and we live in failure.

• Side-to-side: This happens when we measure ourselves by comparing ourselves with others. This can have a mixture of reactions. On the one hand, we might have an inflated view of our progress and become lax in our growth. Or on the other hand, we can feel deflated and have an inferior view of our progress and become discouraged.

• From bottom-up: This happens when we measure progress by remembering where we started and being thankful for how far God has helped us. This measurement approach tends to promote a healthier view of growth. With this approach, we are encouraged to take the next step.

Measuring from the bottom up is made possible when we have an accurate view of God. Sometimes we have the idea that God is far, with arms crossed, waiting for us to achieve his standards. Rather, God is with us wherever we are and prompting us to take the next step. He calls us to a life of discipleship whereby he is present in all our learning and growing.

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To be human is to age. To age well is to transition. To transition well is to adapt. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ron Messner and Lori Wiegand encourage us to be intentional in the aging process. In so doing, we find abundance of life where scarcity may have been assumed.

Show notes:

Finding abundance instead of scarcity in the last third of life is a function of intentionality, acceptance, and adaptation.

1. Intentionality:

2. • Making healthy choices.
   • Having needed conversations.
3. • Making future plans.

4. Acceptance:

5. • Making peace with new realities.
6. • Letting go of old norms.
7. • Letting go of old possibilities.

8. Adaptation:

9. • Finding a new identity.
10. • Welcoming new norms.
11. • Finding new possibilities.

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Advent is a season of longing and hope for Christmas - a time when anticipation fills the air. But what does this waiting reveal about the kind of people Christ is shaping us to be? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Joe Leman and Matt Kaufmann explore how the Lord's prayer stirs a deep desire for Christ's kingdom and transforms our hearts to long for him in and outside of the Christmas season.

Show notes:

What is Advent? Advent is the season when the Christian church prepares for the celebration of Christ's coming – Christmas.

What advantage does advent offer the believer? Every year, the Christian is given an opportunity to wait for, long for and celebrate Christ's coming. This practice can shape in the believer a desire for Christ's coming kingdom.

What is the Lord's prayer? Christ gave his disciples the Lord's Prayer (Luke 11) when they asked how they should pray. This prayer has a deep and rich history in the Church both past and present.

What advantage does the Lord's prayer offer the believer? The Lord's prayer offers the believer a template for praying and thinking. It can be divided into two sections each having three subparts.

Our Father which art in heaven...

• Hallowed be thy name.

• Thy kingdom come.

• Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Our Father which art in heaven...

• Give us this day our daily bread.

• Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

• Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

How does the Lord's prayer enliven advent? The Lord's prayer prepares in us a heart that wants God's kingdom to come and will to be done.

How does advent enliven our faith? Advent teaches us that waiting, longing and celebrating Christ's present and coming kingdom is tangible, practical and meaningful.

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The Thanksgiving holiday affords us the opportunity to engage in one of the healthiest human behaviors – the giving of thanks. Research suggests that thankful people are in some ways mentally, emotionally, and relationally healthier than their unthankful counterparts. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann look beneath the hood of thanksgiving to discover the deeper matters that not only make thanksgiving possible but likely.

Show notes: Giving thanks is an action. Thanksgiving is the outward fruit of deeper gratitude. By it, our gratefulness finds its expression. Furthermore, our expression finds its mark in gratitude toward God or another person.

Gratitude is a quality of our character. Its opposite is entitlement. Where entitlement believes all things are owed, gratitude sees all things as a gift. It is the fruit of humility. A posture we have with the world where we see ourselves as the beneficiary of all good things.

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It has always been hard to stay on top of technology. It seems artificial intelligence (AI) has just raised the ante. In this Breaking Bread podcast episode, David Virkler helps demystify AI. In so doing, some down-to-earth advice is given on how to parent our kids in this world of AI.

Show Notes:

A few things to understand about AI.

• Artificial Intelligence is an expansive field with many applications. It includes everything from machine learning to neural network AI engines and large language models like ChatGPT.
• Large language models respond to inquiries by generating text by using probability models for selecting the next most probable word. In so doing, sentences are created and intelligence is mimicked.
• AI platforms are trained on a body of data made available to them. Some use the data we input into it when we use it. Others do not.
• The source of data from which AI draws its information depends on the platform being used. Some AI platforms pull from all available data on the internet. Others pull from a closed data set according to the specs of the developer.
• AI is only physical. It is made up of circuits, elements and processors with the capability to find and sort data. AI is powered and thereby limited by the earth's resources.

A few things to be cautious about.

• AI has no metric for truth when generating content. Rather, it uses probability to guess what the user wants.
• Be aware, when by your use, you are contributing to the data pool AI will learn and draw its information from. When using AI understand your level of personal privacy or lack thereof.
• To determine the trustworthiness of the AI tool, understand where the tool is sourcing its data. Is it sorting through all the data on the internet or is it sorting through a smaller, more reliable data set?
• AI can mimic human qualities such as emotion. AI companions can be influential and misleading.
• AI will have an influence on our personal formation. Our habits, creativity, critical thinking skills, and more will likely be affected.

A few questions to get us talking.

• What makes AI less than human?
• AI runs on circuits and processors. It is physical and non-living. It has no soul as the human made in God's image has.
• What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?
• AI has made knowledge ready and easy. How to apply that knowledge lies with the user.
• Is speed and ease always better than time and struggle?
• AI completes tasks quickly with very little effort on the part of the user. While this efficiency is appealing, healthy human formation seldom comes quickly and easily. Rather, God uses time and friction to develop our minds, hearts, souls and bodies.
• Who do we want speaking into our life?
• AI can mimic human companionship. However, human connection has been God's design for the community that best cares for the human being.
• Has AI made God old fashioned?
• AI will provide many answers for us. It will push society forward. With it will come questions. As has been the pattern in the past, Christ and the Scriptures will be relevant in new and important ways.

A few things to be enthused about.

• AI is really good at writing and summarizing. If used well, it can be a very helpful tool as a note taker in a meeting.
• AI is really good at analyzing patterns in large data sets. When used well, it can provide tremendous insights quickly make connections and offering helpful suggestions based on data.
• AI will be a strong educational tool. It has the capacity to tailor education modes and means to the uniqueness of the learner.
• AI is becoming very good at language. Real time translation is a powerful asset for those trying to communicate across language barriers.

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It's not uncommon for communication between two individuals in a relationship to go sideways. And when the pattern is sideways for many years, it becomes even more challenging to set right the cart. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Brian Sutter explain how to do just that.

Show notes:

The speaker/listener model is a structured approach for communication that enhances understanding between two individuals or parties.

When do you use it?

• When communication is not working and understanding is not being reached.

How does it work?

• Roles are determined. One party is the speaker, and the other is the listener.
• The speaker succinctly expresses a message.
• The listener responds by telling the speaker what they said.
• The speaker determines if the listener understands.
  • If yes, the speaker continues.
  • If no, the speaker tries the message again.
• Appropriately, reverse roles.

What does it do?

• It slows down the conversation.
• It promotes understanding between the parties.
• It helps clarify what should be communicated.
• It gives a chance for communicative trust to grow.
• It gives the space for individuals to regulate their emotions during the conversation.

What are the prerequisites for success?

• Participants need to be able to take on another person's perspective.
• Participants need to be able to regulate their emotions.
• Participants need to be able to play by the conversation rules.

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Join us in the studio as we celebrate 10 years of Breaking Bread! In this celebratory episode, Arlan Miller, Katie Miller and Brian Sutter turn the tables and interview Breaking Bread host Matt Kaufmann. They go behind the scenes of the show, telling stories and reminiscing. Most importantly, they pay tribute to the devoted listenership of Breaking Bread.

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Join us in the studio as we celebrate 10 years of Breaking Bread! In this celebratory episode, Arlan Miller, Katie Miller and Brian Sutter turn the tables and interview Breaking Bread host Matt Kaufmann. They go behind the scenes of the show, telling stories and reminiscing. Most importantly, they pay tribute to the devoted listenership of Breaking Bread.

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Nothing motivates treatment quite like pain. We want it to stop. Too often, when the pain has past, we are not motivated to continue the important work of personal growth that lies beneath the pain. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr explains the hope that lies beyond symptom reduction.

Show notes:

Symptom reduction is only half of the journey to health. There are four questions that point to the important second half of the journey...a journey worth finishing.

1. Is my predominant outlook on life joy?

2. Are my relationships healthy and satisfying?

3. Is my relationship with God unhindered and growing?

4. Do I know what my spiritual gifts and talents are and am I actively engaged in using them?

Answers to these questions lead us to important spiritual, relational, psychological and physical growth.

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We enter life with no ability to control. As we grow, we acquire more and more faculty to control. If our life takes its natural course and we age into the sunset years of life, we gradually lose our ability to control. Finally, we will leave this life having the same capacity to control as when we entered, little to none. Join us as Matt Kaufmann discusses this life curve with his father, Denny Kaufmann.

• Control, the ability to rule, make choices, make determination in our surroundings and direct people, transitions over the span of life.

• The transition is a function of release.

• Ease of release is a function of confidence in the predecessor and ability to live with God into the future.

• Release to the predecessor is helped with a view that God is in control and uses people separate from us.

• The ability to live with God into the future is helped by learning to find satisfaction in his presence apart from the satisfaction that the power of control affords.

• Living healthily will require that we know where we are on the life curve and live accordingly.

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In seasons of busyness, it can be easy for marriages to drift towards disconnection. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer encourages simple ways to maintain connection as well as a framework for thinking about marriage amid the busy.

Show notes:

Demands on our time and attention can ebb and flow over the calendar year. When marriage is involved, these seasons of busyness impact the marriage. If we are not vigilant, disconnection can result. Communication becomes challenging. Irritations can set in, and spouses can drift apart. Couples who wish to weather these seasons well need to be thoughtful about how they remain connected. A few examples follow:

• Connect with your spouse by having regular “check in’s.” Take time to update your spouse and be updated on the life of the other.

• Connect with the life your spouse is living. Try to understand the demands he/she is under. Have a goal to visualize their day-to-day.

• Connect with your shared roles by growing your appreciation for the career of each. Understand the uniqueness of the profession and what it means to your family.

• Connect by establishing shared rituals through the season. Celebrate the season by infrequent significant moments of connection that bind marriage and family amid the season.

• Connect by establishing frequent small moments of connection during the season.

• Connect with the larger shape of marriage. A life for which a season is that - a season.

• Connect with the larger intention God has for challenges in marriage. The intention to grow you up into Christ-likeness.

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ACCFS is a mental health service that supports the Apostolic Christian Church. This unique connection between church and mental health agency has a storied history. To tell it, Ron Messner and Ted Witzig Jr are interviewed by Matt Kaufmann on this episode of Breaking Bread.

Show notes:

Caring for people spiritually has given way to the need to care for them mentally. This led to the following statement of belief and consequently, the carrying out of counseling services at ACCFS.

Based on scripture and extensive experience, we are complex beings with three overlapping and integrated parts to our being: physical, spiritual and mental. These cannot be separated, but each part can be affected by separate factors including biological, spiritual, psychological, or social influences. Each needs to be assessed, and any dysfunction needs to be treated or addressed based on the cause or causes of the dysfunction. This may include repentance, prayer, spiritual counseling and teaching, medication, other health interventions, and/or psycho-social counseling.

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In an era that boasts the most human connectiveness in the history of the world, we struggle with isolation and depression in epidemic proportions. Evidently not all human connections are equal. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Isaac Funk take on this crisis for connection directly. Not only do they identify the problem but also provide a vision for hope.

Show notes:

What do we mean by human connection?

• Human connection at a minimum is intersecting with another human being in physical or thought space.

• Human connection at a maximum is deeply knowing and being known by another.

What is at stake with poor human connection?

• Isolation, depression and insecurity are some of the fees we pay for poor human connection.

• Often poor connection with people translates to a poor connection with God.

What are the elements of healthy human connection?

• Healthy human connection requires time and space with people. It requires giving of oneself. The setting requires dynamic communication back and forth in real time.

What are the elements that we are competing against for healthy human connection?

• Technology often promotes a shallow connectivity rather than deep community. It is engineered for the transfer of data rather than facilitating robust human fellowship. It is primarily designed for ease, speed and enjoyment, all three of which are not realistic expectations for deep human connection.

• Our western culture of individualism promotes self-reliance, putting people head-to-head in competition rather than shoulder-to-shoulder in shared need.

• The economics of money and promotion tend to assert themselves in our decision making over and above community and the need for human connection.

What vision of hope does healthy human connection have?

• As humans created in God’s image, we are designed for embodied human relationships. Relationships that linger in time and space, suffering long with others. Overcoming isolation and shame with reception.

• Connection with others plays on the basic elements of life: living together, eating together, sharing needs, living together with a family or living together as a church family.

• When we live well together with people, we are at an advantage to live well together with God.

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Drama sells in the box office, newsstands, social media feeds and more. It draws an audience because it is interesting. Yet, because drama often plays on relational conflict, it is painful. Because we are relational beings, we unfortunately find ourselves too often on drama’s stage. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling peels back the layers of drama and helps us escape its trap.

Show Notes:

Drama defined:

• Interesting relational or situational conflict.

What is drama’s ill effect?

• It can provoke us to poor behavior.
• It can divide relationships.

What elements does drama play on?

• Drama draws an audience.
• Drama grasps for sides to be drawn.
• Drama is fueled by unregulated emotion.
• Drama tempts us to be disingenuous about the truth.

How do I know if I induce drama?

• I like the exhilaration of conflict.
• I like attention.
• I am easily offended and sensitive.
• I don’t regulate my emotion.

How can I calm the drama?

• Don’t gossip.
• Regulate your emotion.
• Resist impulsivity for patient, measured responses.
• Seek the whole truth.
• Keep healthy boundaries.

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She was useful until she was not. She was a victim of abuse and mistreatment. She was an abandoned outsider of God’s covenant people. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Matt Kaufmann linger on Hagar’s story. At her most desperate moment, God loves her really well. So struck by the encounter, Hagar names God Elroi, the God who sees me.

Show notes:

In her desperation, God finds Hagar abandoned to the wilderness.

• He calls her by name - “Hagar.”

  • Even though her name meant “stranger”, his use of it meant she was not a stranger to him. In fact, she was known, not by association, but on her own terms.

• He asks her questions - “Where did you come from and where are you going?”

• • Even though he knew these answers already, he gets her talking. God is a God who listens.

• He gives her a promise - “I will make a mighty nation out of your son.”

• • Even though Ishmael’s lineage would rival Isaac’s, he is a God of blessing.

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God has created us with the ability to connect with him. In fact, we are most satisfied when we do. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk explains that spiritual disciplines are ways through which we walk with God. Yet, at times, our spiritual disciplines may seem dull, flat or tired. It is in times like these that we need to think creatively about the activities we regularly engage in that train us in connecting with God and growing more into his likeness.

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A lot of health for marriages lies in the prework, before the marriage happens. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Arlan Miller speak about the pre-contemplative, contemplative and engagement phase of marriage and the great deal of promise these stages hold. They bring to bear resources and advice for both singles and the supportive community that surrounds them.

Show Notes:

The health of the marriage is what individuals bring into the marriage to create it. For this reason, attention to oneself is a critical starting point for future marital health. Singles should consider the following:

• Walk with God in healthy discipleship.
• Develop a healthy Christ-centered identity.
• Grow in healthy self-awareness.
• Learn to cope with uncertainty or unmet expectations.
• Nurture a community that will provide godly counsel.
• Gain realistic expectations for marriage.
• Steward a healthy understanding of intimacy.

Engagement is a unique and time-bound stage for engaged couples. If not stewarded well, wedding preparation can overshadow marital preparation. Couples should consider the following:

• Develop healthy connections with each other.
• Grow in friendship.
• Learn to honor each other.
• Establish a practice of proactively stepping into issues that arise in the relationship.
• Establish healthy rhythms that will carry over into the marriage.

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May is Mental Health Awareness month. Like most matters that get highlighted with a month’s recognition, there is a story to be told. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ron Messner and Ted Witzig Jr. join to tell the story. A story that has loving as Jesus loves at its center.

The story of mental health can be told from two perspectives: a societal understanding of mental health and the care that comes from that understanding.

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God was very thoughtful and intentional about how to bless his people. “Do it like this” he told Aaron. His blessing (captured in Numbers 6) is beautiful poetry. Not only is it beautiful to the ear, but it is also health to the heart and soul. In this episode of Breaking Bread, let’s learn together about how God chooses to bless us, how to receive His blessing and how to bless others with our Father’s words.

Show Notes:

We live in a world of cursing. God knows this, so he has thoughtfully chosen to bless us carefully. And when he does, he confers abundant, flourishing life on us. Receive God’s blessing in Numbers 6.

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The capacity for emotion sets us apart from all things living. It gives us the capability for healthy, deep and intimate relationships. What does it look like when our relationships are too enmeshed emotionally? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Kathy Knochel teach us about enmeshment and the dangers of being too emotionally dependent on others.

Show notes

While we are to receive and give support to others, we are not to take ultimate responsibility for other's wellbeing. Unhealthy emotional dependency can happen when two or more individuals lose their independence and identity to the relationship. Individuals assume unhealthy responsibility for the feelings of others. Often it is marked with overwhelm and exhaustion on the part of one and deeply felt need on the part of the other. When this occurs in the family system, it often goes by the term enmeshment. However, emotional dependency can occur between unrelated friends also.

Finding health for individuals in emotionally dependent relationships will require some action.

• First there needs to be a recognition of emotional dependency.

• Second, boundaries will need to be put in place to promote safety between the individuals.

• Third, individuals will feel a mixture of guilt and loss. Working through these emotional realities is necessary.

• Finally, reengaging in the relationship at the healthiest level possible.

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There is a lot of offense these days. Probably not more offending than normal as people have acted badly for a long time. But it seems people are quicker to call foul when they are hurt by others. “Trauma”, “emotional hurt”, “abuse”, “bullying” are household terms and sometimes we drop them when the opportunity is right. Have we become connoisseurs of the offenses against us? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Ted Witzig Jr give us some important tips on living in a world of offense. “Trauma”, “hurt”, “abuse”, and “bullying” are too real to get wrong.

Show notes:

Living well in a world of offense will require a healthy view into our hurt and a healthy view out of our hurt.

• A healthy view into our hurt:

• • Acknowledge the offense against you whether great or small.
  • Welcome others into it. Seek perspective so you can size it correctly.
• • Engage in the work of healing.
• • Pursue forgiveness.

• A healthy view out of our hurt:

• • Have a realistic and broad understanding of the offenses that many in this world face.
• • Have a biblical understanding of the world we live in. Understand both its brokenness and beauty. See God’s intention for a coming reconciliation.
• • Seek joy and wholeness in Christ.

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We are built for relationship. There is a yearning, need and desire within us for emotional connection with others. In the marriage relationship this can be both an asset and a liability. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us understand the signs, offense and repair of emotional affairs – when emotional intimacy outside the marriage compromises the covenant of marriage.

Show notes:

Three stages of emotional affairs:

1st Emotional intimacy with another person outside of marriage.

• Deep connection at the heart and emotional level.

2nd Secrecy

• Walls are built between spouses and access to the illicit relationship is sought and protected.

3rd Sexual tension

• Physical relations may or may not be happening. However, there is growing openness to them.

Recovery from emotional affairs.

1st End the illicit relationship.

• The betraying spouse needs to cut off the illicit relationship at any cost.

2nd Boundaries are set.

• The betraying spouse takes full responsibility for the affair. Boundaries are set that will help the betrayed spouse feel safe and stable.

3rd The betrayer grieves their relationship loss.

• The betrayer closes the door on the illicit relationship emotionally. This is done through grieving the loss. This grieving process is best walked through with a friend or counselor and not his/her spouse.

4th Cultivate friendship and emotional intimacy with spouse.

• Over time, with relational repair, trust and emotional intimacy with spouse increases.

5th As a couple, reflect on the context of their marriage.

• The couple learns from the painful experience. What individual and couple dynamics provided the context for an emotional affair? Moving forward, how do we wisely live together to prevent it from happening in the future?

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We are creatures of habit. Rhythmic, repetitious actions that are triggered almost without notice. For good or bad, these habits shape us in profound ways. To help us wield the power of habit for good, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter take up the topic of habit formation in this episode of Breaking Bread.

Show notes:

Habits are reinforced by the positive feedback we experience when we do them.

• Typically, bad habits form naturally with immediate favorable reinforcement. For example, scrolling on your phone becomes a habit when it seems to cure momentary boredom.
• Typically, good habits form intentionally with long term favorable reinforcement. For example, practicing scales on the piano habitually forms muscle memory that will produce a good piano player in the future.

Tips for Intentional healthy Habit Formation:

• Identity: See your habit as evidence that you are the type of person you want to be.

• • For example, Sandy wants to be a thankful person so she begins to understand herself to be a thankful person. When she journals two things she’s thankful for each day, it reinforces her identity.

• Make the habit accessible: Build the structure that will make your habit easier.

• • For example, Todd wants to exercise in the morning. By setting out his running clothes the night before, he makes the first step in exercising, that is getting into his workout clothes, accessible.

• Use habit stacking: Pair a desired habit with a habit or routine that you already have established.

• • For example, Jake wants to be a prayerful person. He decides to pray while he brushes his teeth, a habit he has already formed.

• Make yourself accountable: Let others know you are forming a habit and ask for their accountability.

• • For example, Jenny wants to move her body more. She asks a friend to keep her accountable that she walks 8,000 steps each day.

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Generation Z has been dubbed “the anxious generation.” Any adult who has the opportunity to walk alongside these anxious ones knows how painful it can be. Sometimes we need someone who has walked this road in both directions to provide light and insight. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Nichole Suvar, an anxiety and depression survivor, speaks from her own journey of anxiety and illumines a path forward for the anxious - both young and old.

Show notes:

Nichole Suvar is an anxiety and depression survivor and Intentional Living Strategist who speaks and writes on the intersection of mental health, faith, and God’s design for mental wellness. You can access free resources and sign up for her free weekly email devotional at www.livewithintent.org .

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Generation Z has been dubbed “the anxious generation.” Any adult who has the opportunity to walk alongside these anxious ones knows how painful it can be. Sometimes we need someone who has walked this road in both directions to provide light and insight. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Nichole Suvar, an anxiety and depression survivor, speaks from her own journey of anxiety and illumines a path forward for the anxious - both young and old.

Show notes:

Nichole Suvar is an anxiety and depression survivor and Intentional Living Strategist who speaks and writes on the intersection of mental health, faith, and God’s design for mental wellness. You can access free resources and sign up for her free weekly email devotional at www.livewithintent.org .

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Just as there are aspects of our physical health we can improve, there are ways we can improve our brain health. Many of these are quite simple and attainable. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. proposes six ways we achieve better brain health.

Show notes:

Six keys to better brain health:

1. Physical Exercise:

2. • 150 minutes of moderate-intensity or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity each week.
   • Muscle-strengthening activities on 2 or more days each week.

3. Food & Nutrition:

4. • Mediterranean and MIND diets are brain and heart healthy.
5. • • Olive oil, nuts, salmon, leafy greens, vegetables, etc.
6. • Cut out alcohol and smoking.

7. Medical Health:

8. • Engage in regular, proactive check-ups/physicals with your healthcare provider.
9. • Learn the medical history of your extended family.
10. • Know your numbers.
11. • • Blood pressure
12. • • Blood sugar
13. • • Cholesterol
14. • • Weight

15. Sleep & Relaxation:

16. • Sleep between 7-9 hours per night.
17. • Deal with common sleep conditions such as insomnia and sleep apnea.

18. Mental Fitness:

19. • Keep it logically sharp with activities such as crossword puzzles and Sudoku’s.
20. • Keep it artistically sharp with activities such as music and creativity.
21. • Be a lifelong learner.

22. Social Interaction:

23. • Stay connected with other people in relationships.

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Husbands and wives want healthy attachment, intimacy and oneness. Yet, sometimes it can be elusive. In this episode of Breaking Bread, marriage and family therapist Kaleb Beyer helps us see one barrier to intimacy – relational pain. Fortunately, there is a path forward but be forewarned, it will require going backward before going forward.

Show notes:

Intimacy has cleverly been defined as “into me you see.” This is a good definition and a wonderful intention for marriages. It is not uncommon, however, for “blocks” to exist that prove intimacy difficult. One common “block” to intimacy is relational pain.

By relational pain we mean the pain that comes when relational attachment is damaged. That is, safety, security, trust, and vulnerability are compromised. Often this relational stress is not intentional. Sometimes it happens without us putting words to it. However, it often happens in high stakes moments and seasons of transition.

When couples go through moments of loss, disruption and transition in such a way that safety, security, trust and vulnerability are damaged, relational wounds can result. This pain is a block to intimacy. To move forward, it will be necessary to go back to the past and visit these moments. Healing is often found in putting words to the fears, sadnesses and hurts that these moments ushered into the relationship. Further, soothing the fears, grieving the sadnesses and healing the hurt will be an objective in moving forward and growing in intimacy.

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Of the 12 disciples, Peter seems to be corrected the most. And yet, so much teaching surfaced out of his mistakes. Peter, in this way, exampled for us what it looks like to be a disciple of Jesus. Recognizing and embracing his need for correction. In this episode of Breaking Bread, teachers Katie Miller and Isaac funk encourage us to share in Peter’s mindset. After all, the transformation from fishmen to apostle was remarkable in Peter and holds promise for each of us as well.

Show notes:

Being corrected is fundamental to the learning process. Every person in progress needs correction. Yet, to our own detriment, we too often resist and avoid correction.

Four qualities the person who wisely receives correction possesses.

• Humility: They place themselves under an authority for whom they trust guidance.
• Vision: They see themselves as a person “in progress.”
• Wisdom: They understand that correction is necessary.
• Healthy Identity: They don’t over identify themselves with negative criticism.

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As the saying goes, “we are as happy as our least happy adult child”. Parents get this. How do parents walk with their kids through disappointment? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter gives us thoughtful cautions and helpful suggestions.

Show notes:

Our kids have disappointments.

• Disappointments such as: being excluded, being mistreated, unhappy with circumstances, unhappy with themselves, failure to excel, failure to succeed, losing a job, losing a spouse.

Parents feel their pain.

• Often, we are as happy as our least happy adult child.

Unfortunately, sometimes parents service their own pain when trying to help their children.

• Healthy separation between parent in child is needed in navigating child disappointment.

There are some things parents should not do when helping children through disappointment.

• Parents should not: miss it, talk kids out of their feelings, rescue kids from their feelings, convey that unwanted emotions are bad.

There are some things parents should do when helping children through disappointment.

• Parents should: help kids grieve, help kids manage stories, help kids with their identity, help kids with their God image, give kids hope.

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ADHD has been well understood in the classroom. For a long time, ADHD has been well understood in children and treated for optimal growth in their maturing years. What about adults? What does ADHD look like later in life? How should we understand its effect on life and relationships? How do we treat the disorder for optimal living in the mature years?

Show notes:

What is ADHD?

• ADHD stands for Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. It is a brain disorder. Individuals with ADHD might find it difficult to focus, stay on task, calm and quiet themselves.

What is the neuroscience behind ADHD?

• ADHD is a delay in brain development. When certain neurotransmitters are unable to be balanced in the brain, ADHD will result. Two significant neurotransmitters out of balance in the ADHD brain are dopamine and norepinephrine. Dopamine promotes focus, motivation and reward. Norepinephrine regulates judgement and control.

When does ADHD show up?

• When ADHD is present, it will show up in childhood. However, the disorder does persist into adulthood. How ADHD is manifested through the aging process differs. For example, hyperactivity which manifests itself outward in youth is still present in an adult but is often experienced more inwardly. ADHD adults have an advantage over ADHD children because they have more control over their environment. For example, the classroom is imposed on the life of a child but a career conducive to an ADHD adult is within their control.

How is ADHD diagnosed?

• ADHD can be diagnosed at any point in a person’s life. Two methods for diagnosis are available:

• A clinical diagnosis happens when a professional evaluates the presence of the disorder by interview. Through a holistic battery of questions to the client as well as those who live and work closely with them an ADHD determination can be given.

• A neuro-psychological evaluation can be given by a professional. This approach includes cognitive skills assessments.

• It is important to note that before “ruling in” ADHD, many things need to be “ruled out.” There are many confounding matters such as anxiety and depression that conflate the ADHD diagnosis.

If someone suspects ADHD, should they get a diagnosis?

• Yes and no.

• Knowing what is contributing to pain is helpful in working through and finding remedies for it. If what an individual suspects to be ADHD is causing ongoing pain in their relationships and responsibilities, a diagnosis has purpose.

• If very mild ADHD is present but not causing ongoing life disruption and pain, then a diagnosis may not be necessary.

What are some “helps” for those with ADHD?

• Two routes can be taken for assisting those with ADHD:

• Therapy can be helpful in learning good coping, lifestyle management and relationship skills. These skills can help mitigate the pain ADHD can cause.

• Because ADHD is an imbalance of neurotransmitters, medication is available to help bring balance where imbalance is present.

Is having ADHD only negative in a person’s life?

• Fortunately, many have lived well with their ADHD. Their brain is able to take in a lot of stimuli at the same time. Their activated state can produce many benefits such as creativity and ambition.

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The thyroid gland is the master gland of the body. From this command center, hormones are dispatched. Those hormones send marching orders for our bodies to follow. The marching orders orbit closely to those matters that preserve and propagate life. While this bustle of activity happens beneath the boundary of our skin, effects surface in our thoughts and emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Lynne Streitmatter, a professional in women’s hormonal care talks with Kathy Knochel a clinical therapist about the intersection of our bodies with our emotional, relational and spiritual lives.

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A lot goes into a thriving marriage. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer uses the research of Dr. John Gottman to place his finger on the components of a marriage that not only lasts, but flourishes.

View the Sound Relationship House Model here

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What is normal? In a world of air brushing and curated content, it can be illusive. Yet, having a good compass toward knowing normal goes a long way toward good mental health. Studies have shown that supernormal stimuli can have a damaging effect on our brains. In this episode of Breaking Bread, addiction specialist, Jacob Feucht, teaches us what supernormal stimuli are, how to spot them and unwind their influence.

Show Notes:

Definition:

• Supernormal Stimulus – Exaggerated characteristics in normal stimuli.

Problem:

• Studies have shown that humans can begin to crave what is not natural or real at the expense of what is natural and real.

Examples:

• Diet: We can crave unnatural foods at the expense of natural foods.

• Attention: We can crave unnatural rapidity of stimuli and addict ourselves to distraction because we resist the “slowness” of reality.

• Pornography: We crave sexual stimuli and addict ourselves to unnatural characteristics at the expense of healthy biblical sexual relations.

Healthy living:

• Seek after, linger in and live in the real world. Learn to love what God created and what He created them for.

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Bullying is as old as the hills. Yet it has gained more thoughtful attention in recent days. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling, a middle school counselor, provides much needed insights into this broken relational posturing between people.

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Conflict does not spell doom in the marriage relationship. However, how we do conflict might. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer shares four behaviors that need to be avoided when “working things out” with your spouse. Kaleb explains what they are and how they can be avoided.

Show notes:

• Four negative behaviors that spell trouble for marriages and how they can be avoided.

• Criticism

• • Criticism often starts with “You.” “You always...” or “You never...” These statements are personal, labeling and strike at the identity of the other.
• • To avoid criticism, try using “I” statements. These look inward and communicate your reality and surface the need at hand. “I am disappointed that ...”

• Defensiveness

• • Defensiveness often is provoked by criticism and leads to criticism. It denies and shrugs off the need underlying criticism.
• • To avoid defensiveness, accept the reality of the other. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict.

• Contempt

• • Contempt is disdain for the other. An inner dialogue that is continually negative. It can grow out of unrelenting criticism over time.
• • To avoid contempt, friendship needs to be nurtured and grown.

• Stonewalling

• • Stonewalling occurs when the nervous system is so heightened reasoning goes “offline.” Individuals experience a “flooding” of the senses in a way that shuts them down.
• • To avoid stonewalling, take 20 minutes of body and mental calming.

Note: These negative behaviors have been highlighted from the research work of Dr. John Gottman.

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Both the secular and the religious tout mindfulness and meditation. It’s no wonder, because they promise a great deal of health to the one who practices them. Does mindfulness and mediation, however, look the same across the secular and religious worldviews? To answer this question, Kaleb Beyer and Isaac Funk speak to both the therapeutic and Christian uses of these practices.

Show Notes:

• Mindfulness – attentive to the present moment.

• Meditation – focused attention.

• Therapeutically these practices help a person have cognitive flexibility. The freedom to allow more into their experience than the one painful script that is running. In this way, mindfulness and meditation help a person uncouple themselves from mental distress in such a way that allows for a felt reality that is informed by accuracy and truth.

• Spiritually, in a Christian sense, this uncoupling allows for a recoupling with God. The goal is not a disembodied state nor an abandonment of self. It is not an emptying but a filling. Not defined by absence but by presence. It allows for a life to be lived with God in the body and in the mind.

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Sadness is a universal emotion that touches every life. Life's challenges often bring moments of deep sorrow. As Christians, how can we navigate these feelings while staying anchored in God's promises? Whether you're in the midst of sadness or supporting a loved one through their struggles, this episode offers encouragement as you seek to find God's light in the midst of dark days.

• Sadness is an uncomfortable emotion that alerts us of a loss.

• Sadness is an important emotion that prompts us to grieve.

• Grief is the process we walk through to make peace with our loss.

• Grief is unique to the individual but has a few common elements.

• • Protest – fighting with the loss.
• • Despair – mourning the loss.

• Grief ends with acceptance of the loss.

• Healthy living includes walking forward with both the loss and the sadness. Alowing these to be a lifegiving present feature in your life.

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Children love to grow. They know it is slow. They know it is for the better. Adults sometimes lose the growth mindset that children have. We forget that growth is for us too. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Arlan Miller reinvigorate the growth mindset for the spiritual life.

• Spiritual Growth – Becoming more like Jesus.
• Growth Mindset – Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve.
• Spiritual Growth Mindset – Understanding our responsibility and capability to improve into more Christlikeness.

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Words said, cannot be unsaid. They remain. When these words come from a place of goodness, this has beautiful consequences. However, when they come from a place of malintent, they can have devastating consequences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig and Jacki Stickling take up the topic of gossip and give us timely warning and instruction.

Show notes:

Bridling the tongue is a learned skill. It is a matter of deep transformation in our hearts. The mature believer learns how to THINK before they speak:

• T – speaking Truth.

• H – using words that are Helpful.

• I – using speech to Inspire.

• N – saying those things that are Necessary.

• K – always being Kind.

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The truth was too shameful, and the feelings were too painful. So, Mark and Marti locked up their teenage secret in a box never to be opened. But as Christ so lovingly does, he has been gently opening the box and letting his light in. The effect has been beauty and healing in the most unlikely place. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Mark and Marti Teubel share their post-abortion story.

Show notes:

• Post-abortive care includes caring for the living victims of abortion – Mom and Dad.

• Many moms and dads carry the wounds of loss, regret and shame for decades after their abortion.

• The unique pain that moms and dads carry is the hindered ability to grieve loss and heartache in their families. They erroneously tell themselves, “I can’t grieve this loss because I caused that loss.” Or “This pain is retribution for my actions.”

• Abortion influences how moms and dads parent. They desperately want to prove that they are “good” parents.

• Good post-abortive care is available. Deeper Still is one such resource.

• • Deeper Still | find freedom from your abortion wounded heart

• Learn more about the Haven Retreat mentioned in the podcast at the link below.

• • Home | HAVEN Retreats

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When Jesus stooped to embrace the children, it was quite shocking to his disciples. That Jesus would give his precious time to this subgroup was quite remarkable. And then he said the unthinkable... “you must become as these.” By this statement, Jesus was saying that we should not only stop and acknowledge the children, but moreover, look up to them! Esteem them as God image-bearers that have a lot to teach us adults. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov and Brian Sutter teach us what these little ones can teach us.

Show notes:

Children have a lot to teach us.

• Where adults can become ridged, children remain flexible - teaching us to “let go.”

• Where adults can become high maintenance, children remain bless-able - teaching us how to receive blessings.

• Where adults can be pretentious, children remain genuine - teaching us how to live honestly in the world.

• Where adults emphasize usefulness, children emphasize enjoyment - teaching us how to live joyfully.

• Where adults have an eye toward “doing”, children have an eye toward “being” - teaching us how we should view ourselves.

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Play lies at the center of life for a child, and it should. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amy Mammadov, a speech language pathologist, along with Brian Sutter, shine light on this important aspect of human growth and development. Additionally, parents should encourage, teach, evaluate and share in the enjoyment of play with our children.

Show notes:

Encourage Play:

• Play is critical in the development of language, thought and human relations.

Teach Play:

• The norms and technology of the day have stunted play. Some children need to be taught how to play.

Evaluate Play:

• Not all play is equal. Many toys and forms of amusement today are adult directed play. Child directed play, on the other hand, provides rich areas of growth and potential.

Utilize Play:

• Playing with your child gives you insights into where they are developmentally and provides an opportunity to model healthy reasoning.

Share in the enjoyment of play:

• Shared enjoyment is key. If play is anything at all, it is fun. Parents are encouraged to connect with their children at the level of shared fun.

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Exploration is a prerequisite to having a settled identity. For parents with kids unsettled and exploring, this can be a frightening time. What role do we play in the exploration process? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter will help us sort it out.

Show notes:

Identity:

• Is the sense of self – Who I am and who I am not.

Identity Formation:

• Starts with exploration and ends with commitment.

• Exploration is trying, investigating, experiencing, researching.

• Commitment is being settled, resolved and grounded.

Identity Culture in “the west”:

• It is constructed individually. This means that the community has a limited influence on placing an identity on an individual. Rather, the individual has the ownness of discovering and embracing their identity.

Challenge:

• Our young people are saddled with the task of sorting out their identity for themselves.

Angst:

• Watching young people explore their identity.

Opportunity:

• Support and guide exploration in community.

• As possible, try not to rigidly force closure on those in the exploration phase. Rather, have dialogue that prompts healthy exploration. Thoughtful open-ended questions, and critical thinking prompts are necessary to guide wise investigation.

• Have patience in the process with a goal to maintain relationship.

Fear:

• Suppose an unwise identity is chosen?

• Remember: Where there is life, there is experience. Where there is experience, there is exploration. Where there is exploration, there is hope yet for a good commitment.

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We all know that the body is made up of different members. Members one of another. The hand needs the foot. The eye needs the ear. But even more profound than these examples is the uncommon humility that my non-dominate left hand has with my dominate right. Similar in frame and made to do everything the right hand can… it performs well, but not as well. Yet it serves my body selflessly and without dissention. In this podcast we will listen and learn from our non-dominate hands a lesson on cooperation and being a member one of another.

An Imagined Interview with my Left Hand:

Me: When did you learn that I was going to be what they call “right-handed?” Left-hand: I learned this early. I noticed you were using the right hand to lead and do the more sensitive tasks.

Me: Do you compare yourself with the right? Left-hand: I don’t. My right hand does his job so well, and I’m glad. I do my job well.

Me: What do you understand your job to be? Left-hand: My job is to be a good left-hand complement to the right-hand.

Me: How do you understand your relationship to be with the right-hand? Left-hand: I don’t see myself separate from my right-hand. We are of the same body. Everything we do separately or together comes from you and is for you. You get the credit for anything we do, and you should.

Me: Do you get jealous of the right hand? Left-hand: No, not at all. I know you are pleased with me and that’s all that matters.

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The Christian life has music interwoven into its fabric. We use it to worship God. We are instructed to sing. It should not be surprising then to learn that music has the potential to benefit the mind and emotion. In this episode, music therapist Nick Lanz gives us tips on how to use music therapeutically.

Show notes:

Music Therapy: The clinical & evidence-based use of music interventions to accomplish individualized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional who has completed an approved music therapy program.

What do music therapists do?​

• Assess emotional well-being, physical health, social functioning, communication abilities, and cognitive skills through musical responses.
• Design music sessions for individuals and groups based on client needs using various musical interventions.
• Participate in interdisciplinary treatment planning, ongoing evaluation, and follow up.​

Music therapy interventions for mental health can address a variety of healthcare & educational goals:

• Develop healthy coping skills
• Identify/express/explore emotions
• Process trauma
• Improve depressive symptoms
• Decrease anxiety/agitation

• Promote relaxation

• Promote positive thinking/self-esteem

• Develop sense of belonging/community
• Promote positive social interaction/group cohesion
• Address loneliness, grief, loss and stigma that persist despite treatment
• Develop independence/decision-making skills
• Manage stress
• Promote wellness

“Music therapists use music to accomplish non-musical goals.”

There are four main approaches:

• Receptive

• • Music listening
  • Song discussion/lyric analysis
  • Music-assisted relaxation/progressive muscle relaxation
• • • Can also include music for sleep
• • Movement & music
  • Bonny Method of Guided Imagery & Music (requires post-graduate training)

• Re-creative

• • Instrument instruction
  • Instrument playing
  • Sing-along
• • Recording sessions

• Compositional

• • Therapeutic songwriting (multiple methods)

• Improvisational

• • Instrumental/vocal improvisation
  • Drum circle/instrumental circle (groups)

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The question before every human being is not if they have pain, but rather, what they do with the pain that they have. Some people make peace with their pain. Unfortunately, many do not. In this Breaking Bread two-part series, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer help us understand what making peace with pain means, why it is important and how to do it.

Show notes:

What does making peace with pain mean?

Answer: Making peace with pain happens when we change our relationship with pain. Instead of orbiting the pain, we are freed from the unhealthy attachment we have with it. While pain may remain, we are able to live with it as a part of our story but it does not govern our identity. Pain has its proper effect on our lives - not too much, yet not ignored.

Why is making peace with pain important?

Answer: Pain unattended has a tendency to generate unhealthy attachments in our lives. We orbit closely to the pain. Some will try to soothe the pain by unhealthy means. Others will over identify with the pain. Still others will expend tremendous energies to change circumstances to make the pain go away. As a result, we become less responsive to our present lives because pain management requires so much attention. We don’t live well now.

How do we know if there is pain in our lives for which peace needs to be made?

Answer: If we have a past relationship with our pain and not a present relationship we may need to make peace with pain. This can be seen in our response to present circumstances. For example, if we react to present circumstances inappropriately, our past pain may be speaking.

How do we make peace with pain?

Answer: We make peace with pain by first understanding that God is present with us in our pain. We are not alone. Alowing yourself to sit with God in your pain is a healthy exercise. Next, acceptance will need to be practiced. Acceptance is letting go of circumstances that are not and will not be. It includes a trust that God loves you, is good and sees a wider expanse. For some pain, forgiveness will need to be extended to the offending parties.

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The question before every human being is not if they have pain, but rather, what they do with the pain that they have. Some people make peace with their pain. Unfortunately, many do not. In this Breaking Bread two-part series, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer help us understand what making peace with pain means, why it is important and how to do it.

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One of the pains of parenting is watching your children make poor choices. What should we do when there is not much we can do? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling speak to the do’s and don’ts of parenting through these challenges.

Show Notes:

So your child made the wrong decision. Remember this Mom and Dad:

• Hang in there with them.
• Protect your relationship with them.
• Have a posture of grace with them.
• Be learners together.
• Allow natural consequences to teach.
• Help them learn from their decisions.
• Speak truth in love.
• Don’t over personalize their decision.
• Lean on the larger community to speak truth into their life.

• Give it time.

• Trust in prayer.

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Spiritual disciplines are ancient. Yet they are growing in popularity with our contemporary Christian culture. What are common cautions that should accompany our wise application of spiritual disciplines? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk helps us understand four cautions: legalism, agency, syncretism and mysticism.

Show Notes: Spiritual disciplines are those practices we habitually do in the body that form us into Christlikeness. Reading the Word, silence, solitude, fasting, tithing, fellowship are just a few of many. Many spiritual disciplines are classic. Practices employed by Christ and faithful believers for thousands of years.

Understanding the “shadow” of a thing is important for wise and healthy use. We want to have this circumspect understanding of spiritual disciplines. Without it, we can fall into ditches that are unhelpful. Consider four trappings to be thoughtful about.

• Legalism: Legalism is an unhealthy relationship with performance. At its worst, dependence on performance erroneously replaces faith in Christ.
  • We need to remember the following…
    • Spiritual disciplines are not our morality.
    • Spiritual disciplines are not our performance.
    • Spiritual disciplines are not our forgiveness.
    • Spiritual disciplines do not secure merit with God.
• Agency: When employing spiritual disciplines, we can become confused with who is at the source of the effort. Is it us? Is it God?
  • We need to remember the following:
    • We do not control our spiritual growth; rather we make ourselves available to God through the practices to be formed by him.
    • God is the first source behind any practice.
• Syncretism: Syncretism is the blending or merging of different religious beliefs and practices. Many different religious faiths, as well as atheism, share bodily practices that on the outside look the same.
  • We need to remember the following:
    • Many bodily disciplines will benefit human beings regardless of walk of life or religious beliefs. However, these are not uniquely Christian unless we are employing them to grow in Christ likeness.
• Mysticism: By mysticism, we mean experiencing God in ways that transcend ordinary sensory perception and intellectual understanding. If applied unhealthily, the believer can develop errant ideas about God that are steeped in individual experience.
  • We need to remember the following:
    • Our discipleship experience with God should never contradict the Bible.
    • Be accountable to the larger Christian community. Include other people in your discipleship journey with Christ.

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This episode of Breaking Bread, Fred Witzig and Erica Steffen give us a history lesson. Not a history lesson about our past. But a lesson about how to capture our past into history. Oral history is the means for getting this done. Fred and Erica will both explain how to carry out this collection of history as well as cast a vision for our participation in a larger Elder Teaching Resource effort.

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Hope exists. Depression is not a life sentence. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Ted Witzig Jr. chart the course for walking through depression to the other side.

Show notes:

There are different kinds of depression. Treatments can vary. However, the path through depression typically has three benchmarks. The first is changing behavior. The second is a shift in thinking. The third is an improved mood.

1. Behavior activation:

· Physical activity: moving the body.

· Social interaction: engaging with people.

· Meaningful activities: engage in small, doable things in a consistent manner to develop a sense of competency.

1. Engage thinking through counseling:

· Challenge negative self-talk through healthy truth based in Scripture.

· Medicine (in some cases) can be beneficial in helping the mind think well and engage the therapeutic treatment.

1. Positive mood shifts follow improved thinking.

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Depression is real and prevalent. Many live in the felt reality that the skies are cloudy, and no sun exists behind them. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Ted Witzig Jr. speak to the realities of depression - what it is, what it feels like, and what effect it has on living.

Show notes:

What it is:

Clinical depression is a mental condition that flags five of the following nine symptoms:

· Sad or depressed mood.

· Loss of interest in things once appreciated.

· Weight loss or weight gain.

· Sleep loss or sleep gain.

· Agitated and “keyed up” or sluggish and “slowed .down”.

· Loss of energy and motivation.

· Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt.

· Decreased concentration.

· Wanting to die.

What it feels like:

· Depression feels like driving with the brake on. Everything is more difficult. Joy is snuffed out of life. Stressors overwhelm resources. The sky is grey, with no hope of clouds parting. If they did part, no sun exists beyond them anyhow.

What effect it has on living:

· Depression tends to a spiraling downward. Natural reactions to depression tend toward being unhelpful rather than helpful. Depression tends toward isolation and isolation tends towards a further depressed state. Hopelessness tends toward inactivity and inactivity tends toward failure to meet work deadlines. Depression exasperates itself.

How can helpers help?

· Help people reverse the downward spiral with small incremental steps in the positive direction. Do this, not by giving orders but by coming along side hurting individuals.

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While we might lean more towards left or right brain thinking, we use them both. In fact, it is important we do. And we can. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kaleb Beyer and Kathy Knochel help us understand how important it is that we connect with people with both halves of our brain.

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Two halves make a whole. This is true for everything. But it is uniquely true for our brains. Each half, the left and the right, bring a wholeness that without either one, we are much less than half. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kaleb Beyer and Kathy Knochel help us better understand the vast wonder of our created brains and give us a vision for healthy functioning that uses whole brain living.

Show notes:

The left brain (hemisphere) is understood to be the seat of rational logic. It excels in language, math and science.

• The right brain (hemisphere) is understood to be the seat of emotional perception. It excels in music, art and fantasy.
• It is common that people tend toward one side over the other. That is, they view the world, engage in relationships and respond to their environments by leading with one side of the brain over the other.
• Whole brain living is seeking to understand the value that each brain hemisphere brings.
• It is possible to grow in our ability to use whole brain thinking. In fact, whole brain living will aid connection in our relationships, understanding of other people, processing our environments and the worship of God.

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Music and verse capture, preserve, and allows the participant to access deep truths with a melody that matches the beauty, mystery and hope of the message. This is what we have in Christmas hymnody. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller, Arlan Miller, Isaac Funk, Shauna Streitmatter and Matt Kaufmann share their favorite Christmas lyrics that capture the wonder of Christmas – God with us.

Show notes:

Arlan:

O Little Town of Bethlehem by Phillips Brooks

The hopes and fears of all the years

are met in thee tonight.

Isaac:

In the Bleak Midwinter by Christina Rossetti,

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,

Cherubim and Seraphim thronged the air;

but His Mother only, in Her maiden bliss

Worshiped the beloved with a kiss.

Shauna:

O Holy Night, by Placide Cappeau

The King of kings lay once in lowly manger,

In all our trials born to be our friend;

He knows our need,

To our weakness is no stranger.

Behold your king.

Katie:

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day by Henry W. Longfellow

In despair I bowed my head

“There is no peace on Earth,” I said

For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men

…

Then rang the bells more loud and deep

God is not dead, nor doth He sleep”

Matt:

Angels, From the Realms of Glory by James Montgomery

Justice now revokes the sentence,

Mercy calls you, break your chains.

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Parenting our children through the highs and lows of our technological world can be a challenge. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Jon Moser provides us with four helps. He gives us one technology lesson to instruct our children in. He gives us one technology danger to protect our children from. He provides one issue that we should be able to engage our children about and he gives us one redeeming quality that technology offers our kids.

Show Notes:

Instructive:

· Help your kids understand how social media algorithms work to populate their feeds. Help them understand the goals of the social media platform.

Protective:

· Protect your family’s privacy. Encourage the use of privacy settings on social media platforms. Have a conversation about contact lists and who should be allowed into them. Consider using a VPN to protect against malware infection.

· Example: protonvpn.com

Engaging:

· Engage with your children about technology use. Have a discussion about using technology well. Learn to identify when technology is controlling us. Learn to detach from technology and connect with the real world.

Redeeming:

· Technology can be used well. When we are better able to redeem our time because of the convenience of technology, we are using it well. Connecting loved ones across distances offers wonderful advantages.

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With all the voices speaking into our teenage girls today, let’s be sure ours is one. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Katie Miller turn up the volume on 3 critical ideas from which our teenage girls would benefit. And it’s no surprise, God very much wants to speak into these important matters.

Show notes:

Three things teen girls should know:

1. Learn the sound of your inner voice.

· Learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy self-talk.

· Learn to tune out unhealthy self-talk.

1. Learn to see your identity through God’s eyes.

· Learn the difference between identities that come to us from this world and those that come to us from God.

· Learn to tune in to who God has created you to be.

1. Learn to see yourself as an image-bearer of God.

· Learn to detect where your self-image is coming from.

· Learn that your value and worth come from God.

Resources

https://accounseling.org/spiritualgrowth/women/young-women-support/

JJ Heller song

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Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that "makes all things beautiful in his time.” This truth is curious. It would seem that God has an intention beyond making things right. Or making things work. Or making things whole. He intends more than those...He intends to make things beautiful. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Shauna Streitmatter help us understand beauty and faith. When our senses are exercised to detect beauty, we will live a bit more as we were created to live.

Show notes:

Beauty is beautiful:

· Beauty is an intention of God. He creates things beautiful.

· God sets the standard for beauty. Our senses can be exercised to better detect it.

· Anywhere that beauty exists can be a place for worship of God.

· Beauty is detected in our senses. We find art, music, flavors, textures and fragrances pleasing to our senses.

· We detect beauty in our thoughts. We find story and lyric appealing.

· We must linger with beauty to appreciate it. It slows us down.

· Beauty transcends usefulness. Not making life possible but making life worth living.

· God is beautiful. Redemption is beautiful. Resurrection is beautiful.

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Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God makes all things beautiful in his time. This truth is curious. It would seem that God has an intention beyond making things right. Or making things work. Or making things whole. He intends more than those...He intends to make things beautiful. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Shauna Streitmatter help us understand beauty and faith. When our senses are exercised to detect beauty, we will live a bit more as we were created to live.

Show notes:

Beauty is beautiful.

• Beauty is an intention of God. He creates things beautiful.

• God sets the standard for beauty. Our senses can be exercised to better detect it.

• Anywhere that beauty exists can be a place for worship of God.
• Beauty is detected in our senses. We find art, music, flavors, textures and fragrances pleasing to our senses.
• We detect beauty in our thoughts. We find story and lyric appealing.

• We must linger with beauty to appreciate it. It slows us down.

• Beauty transcends usefulness. Not making life possible but making life worth living.

• God is beautiful. Redemption is beautiful. Resurrection is beautiful.

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When it comes to having difficult conversations, many of us are avoidant. Unfortunately, this passivity is not helpful in the long run. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller helps us sort out the mindset and the skillset of stepping into these difficult conversations.

Show notes:

When might a difficult conversation be necessary?

· Difficult conversations might be necessary when silence on issues that concern us and others are leading to increasingly unhealthy ends.

What goals should I have?

· Goals for the outcome of a difficult conversation should not merely be influencing others on our behalf. Rather, healthy relationships and shared understanding should be objectives.

What preparation should I do?

· Prayerfully self-reflect. Understand the “story” you are making and develop a curiosity for the “story” other people have. As much as you can, make a safe place for dialogue.

What skills should I bring to bear?

· Attempt to be thoughtfully direct. Correct with objectivity and encourage with genuine authenticity. Be a curious listener and strive to remain on topic.

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Personal change can be so hard sometimes. We want to think differently and act differently. But we don’t. In this episode of Breaking Bread, three guests weigh in on the matter - a pastor, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. Together, Jeff Waibel, Ted Witzig Jr. and Aaron Plattner explore the landscape of people change and provide hope that it is possible.

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Personal change can be so hard sometimes. We want to think differently and act differently. But we don’t. In this episode of Breaking Bread, three guests weigh in on the matter - a pastor, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist. Together, Jeff Waibel, Ted Witzig Jr. and Aaron Plattner explore the landscape of people change and provide hope that it is possible.

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On divisive cultural topics like gender identity, sometimes we miss each other. Talking past each other. Unable to relate or understand with one another. To help with this understanding, Brian Sutter presents three lenses that capture three different “starting points” for the persuasions we hold.

Show Notes:

Mark Yarhouse in his book "Understanding Gender Dysphoria” presents three lenses through which we view the gender identity debate. By understanding these lenses, we will understand our persuasions and the persuasions of others better.

Integrity Lens: “There is right and wrong in the world.”

· Intent – The view of gender being created by God as either male or female.

· Strength – This lens focuses on identifying what scripture says and holding closely to it. It fights for truth, right belief, and holy living by proclaiming truth even when it is contrary to culture.

· Weakness – This lens can be cold, unloving, and judgmental. It can forget that sincere individuals can struggle with these issues. It can reinforce incorrect stereotypes about the Christian church.

Disability Lens: “There are reasons for why we see brokenness in the world.”

· Intent – This lens intends to be compassionate, understanding that all of life is touched by the fall and that human beings experience brokenness in all areas of life - including their gender.

· Strength – This lens views individuals dealing with gender dysphoria with love and compassion. It seeks to provide information, support, counseling to help people work through gender dysphoria issues.

· Weakness – This lens can overly identify the person dealing with gender dysphoria by their struggle. It can accidently view the individual’s life as ‘on hold’ until the individual is “cured.”

Diversity Lens: “God is love.”

· Intent – This lens intends to understand and celebrate the uniqueness of each person while providing them with acceptance and community.

· Strength – This lens recognizes the value of all people regardless of whether gender dysphoria is a lived experience. It doesn’t force people into molds. It desires each person to be included and loved in a caring community.

· Weakness – This lens may elevate gender dysphoria to be the most important part of a person’s identity. It may overlook unbiblical lifestyles and may not see a need for conforming to the teachings of the Bible.

Each lens has strengths and weaknesses. We each need to understand the lens we view gender dysphoria through, mitigate its weakness and adopt the strengths in the other lenses.

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Today we are thinking more deeply about gender -maleness and femaleness. To help, Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling share their insights on this important matter. In this episode of Breaking Bread, we discuss biological sex and its outward expression in our gender.

Show notes: Terminology is important. The words we use make a difference. Further, the meaning of the terms we use change. It is important we are informed on the definition of terms.

• Biological sex – The binary sex determination that occurs genetically and is coded by chromosomes. Those who have XX pairing are female and those who have XY pairing are male.
• Gender identity – How a person categorizes their felt gender experience.
• Gender dysphoria – The distress a person experiences when their felt gender identity does not match their biological sex assignment.
• Gender expression – How a person lives out their gender assignment.
• Gender roles – Expected rules, roles and experiences that we assume on being male or female.

We live in a changing world. Yet, some things remain the same. What is new to the scene and what is not?

• Gender dysphoria is not new to the scene. Distress over the felt gender experience has been around for a long time.
• Varying gender expressions is not new. Men and women have lived out their respective gender in a wide spectrum of ways.

• Today the meaning we make of our gender expression is taking on new conclusions. With increasing freedom, individuals are reflecting on their gender expression and drawing conclusions on their gender identity outside of the assigned biological sex assigned at birth.

• Culture today is straying from a biblical understanding of gender assignment. Today, many people view gender identity as not being constrained to the binary male or female as it has been in the past. Due to this, here is more emphasis on freedom of gender choice. Gender in today's culture is often understood to be on a spectrum.

How can we understand the varied gender experience?

• There is not a spectrum of gender assignment; however, there is a spectrum for gender expression. God created each person male or female, yet how we live out that gender varies.
• There are common experiences held by most men. There are common experiences held by most women. However, no two person’s gender experience is alike. Rather, we each have a unique gender expression that can glorify God’s biological sex assignment.

How can we help ease the gender dysphoria some experience?

• Some gender roles come from biological differences between male and female. Others are constructed and maintained by culture. It is important that we are thoughtful about what it means to be a man or a woman. We should be slow to calling into question those who don’t fit gender stereotypes that are not sacred to the biological sex.

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Parenting our children through the highs and lows of our technological world can be a challenge. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling provides us with four helps. He gives us one technology lesson to instruct our children in. He gives us one technology danger to protect our children from. He provides one issue that we should be able to engage our children about and he gives us one redeeming quality that technology offers our kids.

Show Notes: Instructive: * Help your kids understand that if you do not pay for the product, then you are the product. Every free app we use is earning money off of the user somehow. Often it is by advertisements.

Protective: * Sextortion is a growing concern. Young people are often targeted. A predator engages with them in a seemingly innocent way at first. This could be through direct messaging or otherwise. They lure the victim into taking a picture or video of themselves that they would not want the public to see. The predator then uses the image or video to blackmail the victim; threatening to send the content to friends, for example. If young people are being exploited, they are the victim of a crime, and it should be reported. Contact your local FBI field office, call 1-800-CALL-FBI, or report it online at fbi.gov.

Engaging: * Parents need to nurture the relationship they have with their children so that openness can be achieved. Open dialogue on technology issues should be the goal. Children and young people should feel free to openly discuss technological struggles, challenges and questions with trusted adults.

Redeeming: * Technology shows us how much we desire connection. Use this apparent fact to show your kids that connection with God is the connection our souls most crave.

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Cognitive behavior therapy and EMDR are helpful tools in the clinical toolbox for treating complex trauma. In this audio recording, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter provide some wherewithal to what these are and other methods.

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God asks us to participate in the life-giving care of people. Untangling the web trauma spins for those who have complex PTSD is one of those rewarding opportunities. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter take the discussion of complex trauma to the next level. They help us see what help looks like and gives us all a role to play.

Show notes: Help for those with complex trauma can be understood in three phases:

• Phase 1: Safety and Stabilization
  • Stabilize the victim and ensure their safety. Receive them on an emotional level. Help create for them a new safe experience that will over time help them construct a healthy meaning of their world.
• Phase 2: Processing Trauma
  • Professionals in this phase can help create healthy meaning to old memories.
• Phase 3: Meaning Making and Reconnecting
  • Help a victim engage in the world in a healthy way. Their difficult past does not bind them; rather it equips and provides value to their present.

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Sometimes PTSD cannot be traced back to a single event. Rather, for a person with a web of traumatic events in their past and present, PTSD is a state of “normal”. It is the air they breathe. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter teach us what complex PTSD is. For those who want to live well with people, it is a concept that is good for us to understand.

Show notes: Definition: Some people experience layers of trauma. Trauma on top of trauma produces an unhealthy stress whose root is not easy to isolate. In fact, a singular root does not exist. This is understood to be complex trauma.

Sources: Complex trauma results from living conditions where safety is repeatedly jeopardized.

Results: Complex trauma undermines a person’s sense of present safety. Traumatic living norms have produced in victims a skewed perception of others and themselves. Often relationships pay a heavy price among those who have experienced complex trauma.

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God asks us to participate in the work of the Spirit in the lives of others. “Go ye therefore and make disciples,” Jesus said. The local church just might be ground zero for this important work. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann outline 5 essentials for the community that will disciple.

Below are five essentials for the community that will disciple:

“Here I am.”
Discipleship happens in a location. The community that disciples practices being present with people.

“I am here.”
Discipleship happens in communities where there is stability. The community that disciples is committed to each other.

“I take you.”
Discipleship requires vulnerability. The community that disciples receives one other.

“Follow me as I follow Christ.”
Discipleship is an active practice. The community that disciples is intentional.

“I’ll walk with you.”
Discipleship is a slow process that requires patience. The community that disciples is fueled by hope in Christ.

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God has knit into our frame the capacity to have dominion. At some level, it comes from being an image bearer of his. Yet, it comes as no surprise, that after the fall, our capacity to have dominion has been bent. For the worse. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer address the tendency we have towards taking unhealthy control of situations. Wonderfully, letting go of control is possible, and who teaches it better than the Lord of Lords and King of Kings ~ Jesus.

Show notes: I might have an unhealthy relationship with control if:

• I have an excessive need to be in-charge.
• I am slow to give responsibility to others.
• I am irritated when my plans are not followed.
• I ignore the boundaries of others.
• I don’t trust others.
• I think too highly of my opinions.
• I am impatient with others.
• I work better alone than with people.

My desire for control might be fueled by the following reasons:

• Insecurity – my grasping for control soothes the discomfort I have in myself.
• Identity – my grasping for control is an effort to prove myself.
• Fear – my grasping for control protects me from disorder and disaster.
• Pride – My grasping for control assumes I know better than others.

Even though he is the King of Kings, letting go of control is inspired by and exampled by Jesus:

• He let go of his control to become a baby.
• He let go of his control to be obedient to his parents.
• He let go of his control to be tempted by Satan.
• He let go of his control to be tried before magistrates.
• He let go of his control to be killed on a cross.

By letting go of control, Jesus secured his Lordship.

“I lay down my life, that I might take it again.” John 10:17

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Spiritual disciplines are often associated with the monastic life. This can be both helpful and unhelpful. Historian Fred Witzig, with the help of Isaac Funk, helps sort out the good from the bad as it regards practicing these disciplines. In the end, Fred and Isaac help cast an encouraging vision for practicing spiritual disciplines.

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The practiced pianist, athlete, and mathematician share the commonality of making hard things look easy by way of practice. The same is true for the practicing Christian. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk and Fred Witzig help us understand what spiritual disciplines are and how they are helpful means to the end that we might be more like Christ.

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Life is full of unpleasantness. With the unpleasantness we can’t change, we will need to endure through it. The skill of enduring this unpleasantness is patience. It is no wonder that patience is exhorted in Scripture. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel highlights this fruit of the Spirit and gives us some keys on how to be more patient.

Show notes: * Patience is being emotionally regulated while at the same time enduring unpleasantness. * Patience is not necessarily marked by deactivation and calmness. Rather, it is actively engaging our emotional realities during these times of unpleasantness. * Very often, our unhealthy emotional reactions to unpleasantness have less to do with the irritant we chafe against and more to do with our internal world. + For example, a father may lose patience with his young son not because the son was disobedient but rather the father feels that the disobedience confirms that he is a bad father. The lack of patience with his son comes from internal unpleasantness. * Patience burns the fuel of hope. People who are patient can find hope beyond their unpleasant circumstances. It is this hope, realized by faith that puts Christians at the advantage, for living patient lives.

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Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ’s.

Show notes: Definition: Our “playbook” is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.

Importance: Our “playbook” is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.

How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.

How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its “plays” are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.

Reality: Our intuitive “playbook” is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.

The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.

Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.

1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.

2. • Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?

3. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.

4. • Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.

5. Conform your playbook to Christ –We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.

6. • Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.

Further Information All Nations Bible Study (acbookstore.org) This Bible Study is designed to promote understanding of diverse people and perspectives. This content in this study may challenge your preconceptions. We encourage you to take this experience to the Lord and his Word.

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Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ’s.

Show notes:

Definition: Our “playbook” is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.

Importance: Our “playbook” is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.

How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.

How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its “plays” are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.

Reality: Our intuitive “playbook” is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.

The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.

Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.

1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.

· Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?

1. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.

· Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.

1. Conform your playbook to Christ – We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.

· Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.

Resources for website: Learn more about nurturing cross-cultural relationship with the All Nations Bible Study (acbookstore.org)

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Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ’s.

Show notes:

Definition: Our “playbook” is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.

Importance: Our “playbook” is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.

How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.

How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its “plays” are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.

Reality: Our intuitive “playbook” is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.

The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.

Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.

1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.

· Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?

1. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.

· Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.

1. Conform your playbook to Christ – We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.

· Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.

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Tragedy comes to us unannounced. It is a shock in the human experience. The new and unwanted reality has a way of troubling us to the core. Yet hope can emerge if a community is present to care for the troubled. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. speaks to those in the caring community. There are some things to know about support in times of crisis that will prove helpful to the troubled.

Show notes:

Definition of tragedy: Tragedy is a sudden, shock inducing experience that launches us into a place crisis.

Examples of tragedy: Natural disaster, unexpected loss, robbery, assault, accident

Effects of tragedy: Tragedy undermines safety, security and the sense of control. It has a shocking effect in the human experience. Emotionally, tragedy causes grief, sadness, anxiety, and anger. Spiritually, tragedy can surface troubling questions of “why?”.

Community Role in tragedy: Provide support and care for the troubled both in the short term and long term. To do this well, we must be aware of which phase the crisis is in and attempt to match support to the phase.

• Phase 1: Troubled individuals need “safety and stability.”
  • Examples of phase 1 support to provide: practical helps, meals, childcare, lodging, reconstruction, prayers.
• Phase 2: Troubled individuals need to heal through “remembering and mourning.”
  • Examples of phase 2 support to provide: personal presence, sitting with difficult emotions, listening to the grieving, prayers.
• Phase 3: Troubled individuals need to find “new purpose and new meaning.”
  • Examples of phase 3 support to provide: encouragement, purpose, reception into new normal, supporting people through disillusionment, prayers.

Tips for the helping community:

· Pace yourself. Victims of crisis need support now, but also down the road.

· It’s okay if you don’t know what to do or say. Victims of crisis care less about you having answers and more about your commitment to walk with them.

· Be patient. Often, helpers make the mistake of wanting to see those in painful places move forward more quickly than they often do.

· Understand your role and relationship to the victim of tragedy. Provide support consistent with that role.

· Be slow to evaluate “how the grieving person is doing.”

· Learn to observe the emotion the hurting person is experiencing and respond to it empathetically.

Tragedy gives the believing community the unique opportunity to act as the family of God. We pray more. We are more thoughtful about what is important in life, and we get to display Christ to the world.

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We do what we can to prevent our children from being exposed to pornography. But what if they do become exposed? First time exposure to porn can have long lasting effects on the young mind. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Jacob Feucht coach parents on the do’s and don’ts of engaging our children after exposure.

Show notes:

Consider the following tips if your child has a first time exposure to pornography.

What NOT to do:

• Avoid shaming.

• This can lead to isolation.

• Avoid despair.

• This can communicate to the child that irreparable damage has been done.

• Avoid rage.

• This can drive the issue underground and breakdown communication on the topic of sexuality.

• Avoid ignoring.

• This will not care for the trauma that has occurred and allow the behavior to go unchecked.

What TO do:

• Receive the child in love.

• This can prevent shame.

• Receive the child with question.

• This can give parents the necessary insights to appropriately care for the child.

• Receive the child with correction.

• This will give the child wise guidance.

• Receive the child with patience.

• This will allow for an ongoing conversation on the topic of sexuality.

Questions to ask:

• What was viewed?

• This helps the parent understand what the child has experienced and what ideas have been reinforced.

• How did it happen?

• This helps the parent coach healthy pro-action and future prevention.

• What effect did the exposure have on you?

• This allows the parent to demystify and give vocabulary to the experience so that a young person can begin to make sense of it and talk about it.

• What did you imagine mom or dad would think about your exposure?

• This allows the parent to correct or highlight their perspective on exposure to pornography.

Perspective to keep:

• Pornography exposure is not uncommon. If it occurs and complications arise, there is tremendous hope. A lot of help is available for those who struggle with pornography.
• Pornography exposure is an opportunity for parents to engage with their children in a wonderful way. Healthy intimate relationships between parents and children can occur as parents walk with their children through the sexual maturation process.
• The goal is not keeping our children from pornography; rather, it is growing up our children into healthy young men and women who love God and serve him.

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Difficult children demand a lot from parents. Wonderfully, easy children do not. Yet, the easy child should not be overlooked. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling reads a letter from an easy child to her parents. It helps us see the errors we can make when neglecting our easy ones. Moreover, the undue burden that can be placed on them unwittingly.

Show Notes:

Definition: Some children require a lot of parenting. Whether it is a streak of rebellion or special needs, these children might provide parents a unique challenge. We might understand them to be “difficult”.

Definition: Some children do not require a lot of parenting. Whether it is their resilience to respond well to adversity or their innate disposition to please people, these children do not deplete parenting bandwidth. We might understand them to be “easy”.

Problem statement: Parents can overlook the needs of their easy children.

Ill consequences:

• The “easy” child’s identity can get unhealthily tied to their performance.
• The “easy” child can feel undo pressure to be good and not add stress to the home.

• The “easy” child can feel an undo expectation to deal with their “issues” alone.

• The “easy” child can feel an undo expectation to be an adult before they are able.

• The “easy” child can feel unnoticed by their parents.

Parenting opportunity:

• Engage with the “easy” child and acknowledge the family dynamics.

• Acknowledge the felt reality of the “easy” child.

• Express notice, care, and love for the “easy” child.

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Marriages can find themselves in places of despair. Marriages often assume the problems are symptoms of waning affection. Yet what is actually present is neurodiversity. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer educates us on the impact ADHD can have on marriage relationships and the hope that can be breathed into a marriage when this is understood.

Show Notes:

What is neurodiversity?

• The neurodiverse brain is contrasted with the neurotypical brain. The neurodiverse brain thinks, responds to its environment and interacts with emotions outside of the normative operating neurotypical brain. This condition is diagnosed, for example, as autistic, dyslexic, or ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder).

What is ADHD?

• ADHD stands for Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. This is a diagnosable disorder. An individual with ADHD has the ability to hyperfocus. Often, they can be exciting, fun, creative, in the moment and flexible. Those with ADHD can struggle to prioritize matters that need attention. They have a higher threshold for experiencing rewarding satisfaction and therefore require more stimulus. These attributes create symptoms of distractibility and impulsivity.

How can ADHD impact marriage?

• When couples do not understand how ADHD is playing out in their marriage relationship, they run the risk of making the wrong meaning out of unfortunate interactions. Consider the examples below:

• Lack of follow through by ADHD spouse is wrongly interpreted as lack of care.

• Distracted ADHD spouse during conversation is wrongly interpreted as not valuing spouse.

What proactive steps can the ADHD spouse make?

• Get a diagnosis from a professional.
• Become educated on ADHD.
• Treat the biology through diet, sleep, exercise and medicine.
• Learn coping skills.
• Build relational skills.

What proactive steps can the non-ADHD spouse make?

• Become educated on ADHD.
• Grieve the unmet expectation of what marriage was “supposed” to be.
• Avoid reinforcing the negative unsuccessful interactions that historically has been used on your ADHD spouse. For example, nagging.
• Rebuild trust by measuring it differently. Instead of measuring “follow through” on requests, measure “follow through” of applying oneself to the treatment ADHD requires.

What hope is there for marital health?

• Beautiful marriages are possible when neurodiverse and neurotypical spouses live wisely with one another.

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The new year carries a sense of hope for needed change. In this episode of Breaking Bread, the clinical staff from ACCFS share four words to help inspire and guide the changes we need to make.  These simple four verbs will be easy to remember and promise helpful practical action.

Show Notes:

Four simple action words that can motivate and guide positive change for our new year.

• Walk – Slowing down is necessary for us to live well. It puts us in a position to live mindfully.
• Cultivate – Fostering, encouraging, and nurturing growth. It puts us in a position where the next healthy step in progress is possible.
• Balance – Not all things equal, but all things in healthy proportion. It puts us in a position where we are investing in areas that matter most.
• Explore - Being curious and opening ourselves up to something new. It puts us in a position to grow our world and grow in our world.

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God saves his people into families. A nurturing community where souls are cared for and loved. In this episode of Breaking Bread, ACCFS’s church outreach team shares the vision that propels the work they do.

Show notes:

Vision: By God’s grace, the Church Outreach division of ACCFS is committed to supporting the local church by providing resources and teaching that equips the local church to care for its members.

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Often, our bodies seem like a liability to our emotional, relational, and spiritual health. After all, our flesh is weak. Yet Jesus beautifully sanctioned the bodily experience when He came to earth in the flesh. He showed us that our bodies should not be scorned but instead listened to and exercised to the glory of God. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Isaac Funk help us see the role our bodies play in our emotional and spiritual health.

Show notes: Common Misconceptions:

• The biological body is irrelevant. Your feelings tell you what is true.
• Your flesh is a liability. The body is corrupt and will defile you.
• Healthy spirituality separates itself from the body.

Truth:

• The biological body is relevant. It informs our reality.
• God had good in mind when he created the flesh. We should learn to listen to it.
• The flesh has been affected by “the fall”. It can be used for wrong.
• Healthy spirituality is always done in the body.
• By listening to our bodies, we can learn to detect our emotions.
• By learning to live in our bodies, we can positively affect our emotional experiences.

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Jesus saw more. He saw what others missed in a setting. He saw what mattered in an interaction. He understood the reasons for a situation when others overlooked it. Jesus saw more. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight critical purpose for the elderly among us. Help us like Jesus helped his disciples – help us see more.

Show Notes: Help us see what others miss: * Just as a passenger in a car can see more of the surroundings than the driver, we need the elderly in our communities to help us see what we often miss. * Jesus helped his disciples see what most missed. He pointed out a poor widow casting in more money than the rich. Something they had all missed. Mark 12:41-44

Help us see what matters: * Just as a skilled carpenter, doctor, teacher, parent and investor knows what matters in their craft, the elderly in our communities know what matters in life. They can help us see what matters. * Jesus helped his disciples see what mattered. He devoted time to young children when they didn’t think it was time well spent. Matthew 19:13-15

Help us see why: * We like to connect the dots between cause and effect. The elderly in our communities often have insights into these causal relationships. They can help us see why. * Jesus helped his disciples understand why. He helped them understand the reason a man was born blind. It was not what they expected. John 9:1-4

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“Grief can’t be avoided; it waits for you to walk through it.” June Knobloch said this. She and her husband understand grief deeply after suffering the loss of their son Jeff to suicide. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Del and June share their story of grief and how they walked through it.

Resources:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
This Lifeline is for people experiencing a crisis and is available 24/7 in the United States. If you need help for yourself, a friend, or family member, call or text 988 right away.

Lifeline Crisis Chat

Coping with a Suicide [ACCFS]
As you face life after a loved one’s suicide, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. This article provides resources to help support you with your lose.

Preventing Suicide [ACCFS]
Those on the front lines of engaging our youth- parents, teachers, employers, mentors and those with a heart for our youth can be proactive in working to be aware and possibly help prevent suicides. This article provides information to help those on the front lines to be there for individuals that are struggling.

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Laughter is relational, healing and necessary. In this episode of Breaking Bread ACCFS clinicians Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kathy Knochel and Kaleb Beyer enjoy a light moment together. But don’t underestimate the weighty benefits such moments bring to our mental health.

Show notes: There are many matters that concern us: struggle, hurt, loss and sorrow abound. Yet, even among these, humor exists. Sometimes laughter springs from surprising places acting as a grace from our heavenly Father who no doubt loves to see his children laugh.

What is laughter?

• Laughter is the physical response to the emotional and cognitive experience of humor, happiness and mirth.
• Laughter is to happiness as crying is to sadness.
• Laughter is a common expression of amusement shared by all humanity.

What are the elements that give rise to laughter?

• Humor often plays on surprise. From peak-a-boo with an infant to clever twists in a “punch line”, the element of surprise startles and pleases.
• Humor often plays on a truth - truth exaggerated or told from a new vantage point often entertains and amuses.

What are the benefits of laughing?

• Laughter grounds a person in the moment. Amusement happens in the present, opening a person’s senses to live in the now.
• Laughter is relational. Sharing amusement with others makes the experience better. Laughter draws people into its participation. People welcome laughter.
• Healthy humanity employs the spectrum of emotions. Just as sadness has its purpose and benefits, so does mirth.
• Laughter can increase our capacity to cope with the brokenness we experience in life. Laughter does not make light of sadness. Rather, it assists us in holding it.

How can I learn to laugh?

• Learn to laugh at myself. Often, I take myself too seriously.
• Learn my place. I can over approximate my role and reach of effect. I need to remember that God is in control.
• Learn to live. God created me to enjoy his good creation.

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Emotion is like fuel. The right amount, at the right time and for the right purpose, yields wonderful results. However, on a negative note, emotion is like fuel. That is why healthy people know how to regulate their emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter coach us on how to do that.

Show Notes:

What is Emotional Regulation?

• People who have good command of their emotions use emotional regulation. In fact, emotions for these people are used in their life for the purpose God intended. Emotions are a gift from God.

Why does Emotional Regulation work?

• God has made us wonderfully. Our emotions and our bodies are closely connected. In fact, emotion always happens in the body. Just as emotions affect the body, the body affects emotions. There are bodily techniques that can be learned to bring about a healthy emotional experience.

What are some skills for regulating emotions?

• Deep breathing: Learning to breathe in a way that calms your nervous system.
• Mindfulness: Learning how to be present in a moment.
• Defusion: Learning how to detach from unwanted emotions.
• Acceptance: Learning how to make room for unwanted emotions.

Where can I learn emotional regulation skills?

• ACCFS Course Emotional Regulation Skills Course - ACCFS (accounseling.org)

What will be required for me to use regulation skills successfully?

• Practice

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Disagreement in marriage is real. Anyone who is married understands the wisdom of being “equally yoked.” Fortunately, Christians are “equally yoked” on the basis of faith in Christ. Yet, there are many other ideals, values and dreams we might not be so “equally yoked.” In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer gives us a path forward for finding unity in the midst of the conflict this reality brings.

Show notes:

Background: Conflict around values and dreams are uniquely challenging because of the deep-seated nature of the held beliefs. Consider the examples below:

• Spouse A believes that family time should be protected and abundant.
• Spouse B believes that people should be community oriented.
• Spouse A believes that the house should be neat and orderly.
• Spouse B believes that the house should be “lived in” and not necessarily tidy.
• Spouse A believes money should be shared, spent and not hoarded.
• Spouse B believes money should be saved.
• Good biblical and wise argumentation can be given on either side of the issues.
• Conflict is fueled because of the emotion that resides with the deeply held ideals.

Conflict Intervention: How couples can move through conflict. [Intervention based on Dr. John Gottman’s research]

• First: Is the couple in a place to have the disputing conversation?
  • Evaluate how intense the held values are.
  • Evaluate how long each value has been held.
  • Evaluate the climate of the relationship. A “positive” climate needs to be present to have constructive conversation. Building a union of friendship, gratitude and closeness is important.

• Second: Personal preparation is required.

  • The humility to understand that each affects the other at their point of deeply held values.
  • Recognize that moving through the conflict is an important objective. As important or more, than the terms of resolution.
  • Values are not changed quickly; patience will be required.
  • Empathy and compassion will be necessary to hear your spouse.
  • A commitment to shared purpose is necessary. We win together, not separately.
  • A willingness to be influenced by spouse.

• Third: The disputing conversation occurs.

  • Attempt to be soft and slow. Be amiable, not reactive; open not closed; flexible, not rigid. We think better when processes slow down.
  • Use structure for the conversation: Assign roles-who is the speaker and who is the listener.
  • Ask your spouse to tell you the story of their vision. Seek to understand.
  • Monitor when escalation happens in yourself or your spouse. When escalation happens, you might need to take a break so soft and slow can return.

• Fourth: Once understanding of each other’s values has occurred, move into the circle of compromise.

  • Each should consider what you can be flexible about in the disputable matter.
  • Each should consider what they are inflexible about in the disputable matter.
  • Attempt to make your “area” of flexible as large as possible and “area” of rigidity as small as possible.
  • Share with one another your circle of compromise and determine a compromise.
  • Live into the compromise for a time and continue to have dialogue.

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Youth is a time of life when all manner of ideals are being formed in a person: reasoning skills, social skills, character qualities, work ethic, and academics. And yet, greater than these is the formation of the image our kids will have of God. Their God image is the sum total of their beliefs and feelings about who God is. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter speaks to the importance of shepherding this important formation in our children.

Why God Image is important? * It is the lens through which you view life.

Where does God Image come from? * Experience * Teaching

Shepherding God Image in our kids: * Tap their imagination. * Share testimony. * Model it in relationship. * Be patient with their questions. * Point them to the Scripture.

Helps: * The Jesus Story Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones * Children’s Authors: by Max Lucado * The Ology by Marty Machowski * Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis * Tiny Theologians * Catechisms

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We live in a God-bathed world. He is everywhere and in everything. But too often, we are moving to quickly to see Him. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk coaches us on how to slow down so we can catch up with God.

When we are restless with our ordinary lives, we are forgetting:

• Jesus took on flesh to show us that ordinary is okay.
• Posture is more important than performance.
• God is in the boring; the maturing Christian has eyes that see Him everywhere.
• Experiencing God is always done where we are - never anywhere else.
• We can be fulling pleasing to God living out the menial tasks that to us are ordinary.
• We catch up with God by slowing down and walking at Christ’s pace.
• We can be in two places at once: about our daily tasks and with God.
• Being human is not a problem. Jesus came to show us how to be fully human.

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Folding laundry, mowing the lawn, cooking, cleaning, fixing and working. Life is pretty ordinary. God must be disappointed in my life. Or is He? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk helps us understand the beauty that is possible in the ordinary.

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Aren’t options great? So much to choose! Yet Kathy Knochel brings a surprising twist to the bliss of options. In this episode of Breaking Bread, she will help us see the shadow of options and the surprising value that comes by way of commitment.

Commitment frees us in two ways. It frees us from and it frees us to.

• It frees us from options which frees us to focus.
• It frees us from distractions which frees us to invest.
• It frees us from paralysis which frees us to purpose.

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Attention is currency. It has purchasing power. No one needs to explain this to Facebook, Instagram and Snap Chat of course. But for those of us who spend our attention a little here and a little there, we may be surprised to discover attention is not just petty cash. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann connect the dots between what we pay attention to and who we become.

Wonderfully, hope grows large. God intends to use our attention to grow us into the likeness of Christ.

“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Cor 3:18

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Marital distress happens. Pain will occur. And when it does, our attachment styles will kick into full gear. Soon we will be behaving according to a script that was written a long time ago. However, these powerful scripts can be rewritten. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what attachment styles are, how they are written, how they can be rewritten and the difference it makes in the marriage relationship.

Four Attachment Styles:

1. Secure Attachment – when distress occurs, pain shared in relationship and soothed through the relationship. This attachment style is healthy.

The Past: Often a secure attachment is constructed when caretakers have not dismissed emotions from children nor have they catastrophized matters.

1. Avoiding Attachment – when distress occurs, the avoider turns down its volume by moving away from relationship and does not seek soothing for the distress from spouse. This attachment style is unhealthy.

The Past: When in distress, a child seeks soothing from caretaker but does not find it. The caretaker is not present, or is overwhelmed. The child learns independence and internalizes the struggle.

1. Pleaser Attachment – when distress occurs, the pleaser turns up its volume and pursues the relationship in an anxious and hypervigilant way. Distress is only soothed when the spouse is pleased. This attachment style is unhealthy.

The Past: When a child was in distress, it intensified distress in caretaker. Child learned that they were responsible for the pain in others.

1. Vacillator/chaotic attachment – when distress occurs, responses are very unpredictable. Matters can be exaggerated or underappreciated. This attachment style is unhealthy.

The Past: When distress occurred in childhood, confusion played out. Addiction or abuse may have been present.

When distress in your relationship turns unhealthy, seek to do the following.

1. Recognize what happens internally when you are distressed. Do you pursue? Avoid? Vacillate?
2. Seek to make space for the distress you feel and slowing down the automatic script.
3. Understand your spouse engages with distress according to an attachment style also.
4. Seek to share with your spouse the automatic script that plays out when you are in distress and acknowledge how this can be unhelpful for your spouse. Express your desire to learn a new and nonreactive way to relate to your spouse that soothes distress through relationship.
5. Accept that this process of rewriting scripts takes time.

Resources:

One easy and quick way to identify your attachment style is to take the following quiz – The Love Style Quiz. This quiz takes about 15 – 20 minutes to complete and is designed to help you discover your primary attachment style.

How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage
Authors: Milan & Kay Yerkovich
This book seeks to show how early life experiences create an underlying blueprint that shapes your beliefs, behavior, and expectations in your marriage. The authors identify four styles or blueprints and provide principles to help you break free of negative patterns and enhance intimacy.

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I should know by now that yelling seldom works. Moreover, it most often works against me. Fortunately, we don’t have to be screamers. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter explains how an introspective person makes gains on his/her anger.

• Emotions respond to an impetus and fuel a response.
• While some emotions fuel a deactivation of our system, anger activates our system.
• The impetus’ that provoke anger and the response it fuels are often constructed from our past experience with the emotion.
• Gains can be made in controlling our anger. They will require slowing down and being introspective.
  • Notice your triggers. What situations provoke anger in you?
    • Examples: words or phrases, facial expressions, kids, spouse, authority
  • Notice your body. What sensations occur before anger sets in?
    • Examples: shortened breathing, heat flash
  • Notice what is beneath the surface. Anger is a secondary emotion. It responds to deeper emotions.
    • Examples: shame, hurt, insecurity, loss, etc.
  • Notice what your anger is attaching itself to.
    • Example: Do you think you are angry at your child when you are actually angry at yourself?
  • Notice the degree to which you personalize comments and situations. Do you exaggerate negative feedback?
    • Example: When challenged, do you leap to the erroneous conclusion that you are not liked?
  • Notice the thoughts you think to yourself after the impetus and before your anger. Anger will play on these thoughts. Are they true?
    • Example: When your child makes a poor choice, do you think “he will never turn out!” This erroneous thought will not properly inform your emotions.

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Solomon the wise said, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.” Those of us who have lost the battle of self-control know just how mighty “the slow to anger” are. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand the emotion of anger. He explains its purpose, how it works and how to live wisely in your own experience so that you might be slow to anger.

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The church is God’s family. To participate in church, is to participate in “together.” What if “together” is difficult for you? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kristen Schwind and Ron Messner give voice to the introvert in church. They highlight both the weaknesses and the strengths our personalities pose in how we experience the “together” aspect of church.

Who is an introvert?

• A person who finds solitude as life-giving and human interaction as life-expending.

Who is an extrovert?

• A person who finds human interaction as life-giving and solitude as life-expending.

How can introversion in the church be challenging?

• Fellowship can be difficult.
• By being reserved, individuals can be misjudged as aloof or uncaring.
• By being reserved, individuals can be passed over for duties.
• By not being always present, individuals can be misjudged as uncommitted.

How can we walk in an understanding way towards the introvert in church?

• Be a safe person to talk to.
• Use their gift of listening and employ them in discipleship opportunities.
• Learn from their ability to find life in solitude.
• Provide structure in social settings. Corporate worship, small group Bible studies, committee work and various church duties are excellent examples of this.

What encouragement is there for the introvert?

• Be careful not to fall into isolation.
• Challenge yourself to step out and engage the community of the church.
• Make full use of the structured social events such as worship, teaching and more.

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The church is God’s family. To participate in church, is to participate in “together.” What if “together” is difficult for you? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kristen Schwind and Ron Messner give voice to the introvert in church. They highlight both the weaknesses and the strengths our personalities pose in how we experience the “together” aspect of church.

Who is an introvert?

• A person who finds solitude as life-giving and human interaction as life-expending.

Who is an extrovert?

• A person who finds human interaction as life-giving and solitude as life-expending.

How can introversion in the church be challenging?

• Fellowship can be difficult.
• By being reserved, individuals can be misjudged as aloof or uncaring.
• By being reserved, individuals can be passed over for duties.
• By not being always present, individuals can be misjudged as uncommitted.

How can we walk in an understanding way towards the introvert in church?

• Be a safe person to talk to.
• Use their gift of listening and employ them in discipleship opportunities.
• Learn from their ability to find life in solitude.
• Provide structure in social settings. Corporate worship, small group Bible studies, committee work and various church duties are excellent examples of this.

What encouragement is there for the introvert?

• Be careful not to fall into isolation.
• Challenge yourself to step out and engage the community of the church.
• Make full use of the structured social events such as worship, teaching and more.

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The communication process is hard enough with just words. Add emotion to the mix and sometimes we might as well be speaking a foreign language. This is because the present moment meaning we attribute to emotions has been constructed in the past. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer untangles the knot spousal communication can find itself in because we are not decoding the emotions in the room correctly.

• There are six basic emotions common to all people: happiness, sadness, surprise, shame, anger and fear.
• Each of these emotions has a lot of shades. For example, anger spans from irritation to rage with many experiences in between.
• The meaning we make out of emotions is not common among all people. For example, anger for one person means something different to another.
• The meaning we make out of emotions was constructed in past experiences. For example, how a person did or did not experience soothing when anger arose in their past largely formed up the meaning they attribute to anger today.
• In marriage relationships, emotional messages can get mixed and can set off an unhealthy cycle of communication. Each one “hearing” the incorrect meaning from the other.
• Emotions teach us about ourselves. Slowing down and noticing the cues that trigger emotions and the meaning we construct is very instructive.
• By understanding our emotional experience and that of our spouse, we can better interact in an understanding way.

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Identify formation follows a simple path: Exploration to Commitment. Exploration must precede commitment. Commitment must precede a settled identity. Yet, taking the path is not necessarily easy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. explains some of the finer points along the journey to belonging, purpose and worth.

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Identity answers the question, who I am and who I am not. An answer that is multi-faceted -both objective and subjective. Sometimes obvious and other times obscure. And to make it trickier, it shifts over time. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr helps us understand the nature of identity formation and how we can better steward this area of our life.

Show notes:

Identity is:

• The sense of self - who I am and who I am not.

Aspects that make up identity:

• Demographics: age, sex, address
• Relationships: child, father, mother, husband, wife
• Roles: job, family, volunteer
• Values: likes, dislikes, religion, beliefs, loyalties
• Experiences: health, hobbies, accomplishments, ownership
• Personalities: gifts, character traits, talents

Events that unsettle identity:

• Development
• Loss
• Transition
• Role shifts
• Experiences
• Belief shifts

Process for forming identity:

• From exploration: trying, investigating, experiencing, researching
• To commitment: being settled, resolved and grounded

Troubles in forming identity:

• Moving to commitment without exploration.
  • This person’s sense of self appears settled. But it is not their own. They have adopted another’s identity. Crisis in life will likely cause distress.
• Remaining in exploration and not moving to commitment.
  • This person is restless, always searching without resolve.
• Not exploring and not committing.
  • This person is unaware of their need for identity formation.

Identity brings about:

• A sense of belonging, grounding, purpose, priority and worth.

The most important identity:

• A Christ-centered identity, being a child of God, is the identity from which all other identities rest. This identity offers stability when all others may ebb and flow.

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We don’t like it when things are out of reach. Especially when they are good things. But sometimes they just are. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand what health looks like amid the disappointment of our inabilities.

Definition: Limitations are those things that we cannot do or achieve regardless of effort or resources.

• Potential examples: IQ, Physical limitations, Mental limitations, Human developmental stage, Economics

Reality: Limitations are often sources of pain in a person’s life. We don’t like to be told “no” you can’t do that.

Healthy Mental Processing: Limitations are losses to be grieved.

• Acknowledge the limitation.
• Grieve the limitation.
• Listen for the lie limitation has posited in your thinking. (ex. You are stupid.)
• Correct the lie with truth.
• Accept the limitation.

Healthy Mindset: Do not identify yourself according to your limitation. Rather, understand your limitation to be part of your unique story and an aspect beloved by God the Father. Pivot your thinking away from limitations and on to opportunities.

Healthy Action: A lot of good is instore for you even with your limitation. Invest in those areas you can contribute and improve in.

Definition: Weaknesses are those things that we struggle to do well, but with effort and resources, can improve.

• Potential examples: Improving a skill, Learning a trade, Growing positive character qualities

Reality: The ceiling of our abilities is most likely untried. We can make meaningful gains in many areas of our life.

Healthy Mental Processing: We need to discern the difference between limitations in our lives and weaknesses.

Healthy Mindset: God has given us the responsibility to steward our abilities. Continuing to grow and learn is part of the human flourishing He calls us into.

Healthy Action: Growth is a function of effort over time. Engage the growth process.

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Many explanations for our present realities harken back to our past. After all, who of us has not been shaped by the layers of life upon life? The marriage relationship is a crucible whereby these past experiences have a very present voice. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains the impact past trauma plays in present marriages. Understanding this unwelcome visitor in our today marriage relationship provides a great deal of explanation for the interactions we experience between spouses. It also, unlocks a hopeful path for an increasingly healthy marriage.

What is trauma? Sometimes our present experiences trigger danger, even when we are objectively safe. This may be a sign of trauma. In our past, traumatic experiences threatened our safety. Today, experiences may trigger that past offense and send negative reactions surging through our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Trauma can affect all areas of our life including the marriage relationship.

Thoughts are triggered by trauma: Trauma strikes at the perceived safety of an individual. The offense against a spouse’s safety in the past leaves them vulnerable to this perceived lack of safety in the present. Triggers prompt thoughts that say “I’m not safe in this moment!”

Feelings are triggered by trauma: Past painful memories hold intense negative emotions. Thoughts of jeopardized safety cause feelings of fear, unwanted exposure, a sense of helplessness and feelings of loneliness.

Behaviors are triggered by trauma: Perceived “over-reactions” can occur by those wounded by past trauma. Present situations trigger a reaction conditioned by the past. Individuals might fight, take flight, or freeze. They might pull away to avoid vulnerability. This can be disorienting to the individual and their spouse. Relational connection is broken and reception of love in these moments are difficult.

Understanding is helpful: Understanding when past trauma is speaking in the present can be helpful. It can provide explanation for the unwanted reactions that happen in present situations. This can lead to compassion and empathy.

Moving toward healing: Establishing safety within self and with spouse is the first step in moving forward. Couples will need to work on establishing trust and allowing vulnerability to happen. Being curious is key and seeking not to personalize present triggers to past trauma. Some question prompts can be helpful:

• Help me understand when you feel this way?
• What is it like for you to experience _________?
• How do my actions contribute to your distress?

Couples who want to make healthy gains in this area can make use of resources:

• “The Body Keeps the Score” Bessel Van der Kolk M.D.
• https://accounseling.org/overcomingtraumainmarriagewebinar/ - webinar
• https://www.amazon.com/s?k=how+we+love+by+milan+and+kay+yerkovich&sprefix=how+we+lo%2Caps%2C120&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_2_9 - How We Love book

In some situations, uncovering the trauma and finding healing may require a counselor.

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The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. This classic Bible verse from the Psalms sums up the whole of contentment. Yet, there are some well-worn pitfalls. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tom Waldbeser and Isaac Funk address these and how they can be avoided.

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Contentment is not the ability to do without. Rather, it is possessing all that matters. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tom Waldbeser and Isaac Funk present this possession from which contentment is a byproduct.

Contentment is:

• A state of mind.
• Being satisfied.
• A learned experience.

Contentment is hindered by:

• Entitlement

Contentment comes by way of:

• Understanding our limitations.
• Managing our expectations.
• Abiding in Jesus.
• Knowing God.
• Taking our pain to God.
• Offloading our desires onto God.

Contentment brings about:

• Thanksgiving.
• A lifestyle whereby we live within our means.
• A relinquishing of control.
• A reduced anxiety about tomorrow.

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Sometimes caring comes with a cost. An emotional tax. Overtime we can become spent, tired, irritable and overwhelmed. Living in a world with lots of cares, compassion fatigue is real and is having its impact. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter help us understand how to maintain a measure of health while at the same time engaging in a hurting world.

The brokenness of our world is brought to our awareness in increasing measure. From pandemics, natural disasters, wars, famines, injustice, oppression, mistreatment, tragedy, political debacle and societal changes, we are in no lack of matters for which we are aware and for which we care. If the brokenness we are confronted with in our world at large was not enough, matters of deep care and concern fill our personal lives. Loss, divorce, addictions, aging parents, disabilities, financial hardship and more make demands and draw on our physical and mental compassion reservoir.

In many ways, a reservoir is a good illustration for the capacity we have with care. Matters of concern draw on our compassion reservoir. When depleted, we experience compassion fatigue. The emotional toll that comes when we mentally and physically are spent. When experiencing compassion fatigue we can become apathetic, cynical, frustrated or exhausted. When we are experiencing these realities, we are not bringing our best selves to the matters we care about.

The answer to compassion fatigue is not caring less. Rather it lies in proper perspective and proper self-care. By attending to these two areas we can fill our compassion reservoir. 

A proper perspective is one that holds our broken reality in a God-oriented world view. This view acknowledges we were not created with the frame to process all the brokenness around us. In God’s perfect creation intent, He intended to keep at bay this darkness. Yet sin defiled our innocence. This perspective helps us understand compassion fatigue is expected. On the flip side of the coin, we understand compassion is actually an attribute of God. It is His reaction to the brokenness we experience. In His likeness, we example His attribute to our world. We fill our compassion reservoir when we understand God ultimately is the savior of the issues that concern us. He is always active. When we are not “on call”, He is. No situation is solely reliant on us. In fact, often God has many other people as active, compassionate, image-bearers devoted to the matters that concern us.

Proper self-care follows from this perspective. Healthy compassionate people regularly rest from their worries. They intentionally take sabbath rest. They give their bodies the physical rest it requires to be effective. They detach their minds from concerning matters. They know where and how to invest their mental space in restorative activity. This can range from taking a nap to exercising; from working on a puzzle to reading a novel; from making music to painting a picture. They also engage in restorative relationships. They invest in relationships that support them in ways of accountability as well as enjoyment. Healthy compassionate people also know what is not restorative to their compassion reservoir. Not all mental escape is equal. Sometimes individuals think activities are restorative when they are not. For example, in an attempt to distract oneself away from cares, they escape to places that stimulate the brain to more anxiety. Social media is one common example of this. Each person needs to know him/herself and what is and is not restorative.

While we were not created for the brokenness we encounter, we were created for the goodness of God’s creation. Wonderfully, traces of that goodness abound. Healthy compassionate people look for this goodness and engage in it. When they do, their compassion reservoir is filled, and they are able to draw on that compassion to minister to the hurting around them. And when they do that, God’s compassion is brought near to this broken world.

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The abortion issue is charged and complicated. Yet there is a simple reality every time - there are two lives to love. In this episode of Breaking Bread this love is made evident by two guests who example what loving life looks like in the hard reality of an unplanned pregnancy. Rita Metz is a sonographer at a pre-abortive ministry called Living Alternatives Pregnancy Resource Center and Kevin Knapp is a volunteer staff member with the connected post-abortive ministry called Deeper Still. Together they beautifully elevate Jesus in this crisis.

Living Alternative Pregnancy Resource Center webpage: Pregnancy Resource Center | Living Alternatives

Deeper Still ministry webpage: www.godeeperstill.org

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: Perfectionism has a strange advantage among those it afflicts. A need for perfect. Wonderfully there is a perfect answer. Christ came to be our perfection. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps us understand socially prescribed perfectionism and the answer Jesus is to the perfection we long for.

Show notes

We love perfectionists. Who wouldn’t want a perfectionist as their builder, accountant, or surgeon? Perfectionists hold high standards and are successful and acclaimed because they do. This is precisely why perfectionism is tricky…strengths can become weaknesses.

Three types of perfectionism:

• Self-oriented perfectionism
  • Definition: A person with very high, exacting standards for themselves.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Specific performance
  • Unhealthy Mindset: It needs to be perfect, or I’ve failed. There is no “good enough” in their thinking.
  • Unhealthy Result: Harsh self-criticism & low self-compassion leading to discouragement & depression
  • Remedy: They need to rethink success and reward the right thing. Was it adequate?
  • Healthy Measure: Wholistic performance over time.
  • Healthy Mindset: They need to understand that they are ‘in progress.’ Growth over time is the measure. Effort is more important than outcome.
• Other-oriented perfectionism
  • Definition: A person who holds others to very high, exacting standards.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Other people’s performance.
  • Unhealthy Mindset: The belief that they are a guardian of a standard and fear the standard will be dropped.
  • Unhealthy Result: Demanding and controlling towards others. A critical spirit creates distance and resentment between them and for those who they project their very high expectations.
  • Remedy: Don’t be a voice of fear and discouragement to the next “generation”. Rather, teach and empower them.
  • Healthy Measure: Measure the human cost of seeking perfection. Sometimes we can get it wrong by trying to get it right.
  • Healthy Mindset: Trust God. Trust others.
• Socially-prescribed perfectionism
  • Definition: A person who reacts to their perceived beliefs about what other people expect of them.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Trying to guess other people’s perceptions.
  • Unhealthy Mindset: Getting into someone else’s head. “I think, they think…”
  • Unhealthy Result: Insecurity, people pleasing and fabricated offenses that rob otherwise healthy moments.
  • Remedy: Practice getting out of other people’s heads.
  • Healthy Measure: What am I assuming is true and what do I know to be true?
  • Healthy Mindset: I can’t please everyone.

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“Do your best and leave the rest” is a tricky balance for the perfectionist. Yet it sums up a measure of health for those who have high, exacting standards for themselves or others. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. teaches us about two types of perfectionism.

Show notes

We love perfectionists. Who wouldn’t want a perfectionist as their builder, accountant, or surgeon? Perfectionists hold high standards and are successful and acclaimed because they do. This is precisely why perfectionism is tricky…strengths can become weaknesses.

Three types of perfectionism:

• Self-oriented perfectionism
  • Definition: A person with very high, exacting standards for themselves.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Specific performance
  • Unhealthy Mindset: It needs to be perfect, or I’ve failed. There is no “good enough” in their thinking.
  • Unhealthy Result: Harsh self-criticism & low self-compassion leading to discouragement & depression
  • Remedy: They need to rethink success and reward the right thing. Was it adequate?
  • Healthy Measure: Wholistic performance over time.
  • Healthy Mindset: They need to understand that they are ‘in progress.’ Growth over time is the measure. Effort is more important than outcome.
• Other-oriented perfectionism
  • Definition: A person who holds others to very high, exacting standards.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Other people’s performance.
  • Unhealthy Mindset: The belief that they are a guardian of a standard and fear the standard will be dropped.
  • Unhealthy Result: Demanding and controlling towards others. A critical spirit creates distance and resentment between them and for those who they project their very high expectations.
  • Remedy: Don’t be a voice of fear and discouragement to the next “generation”. Rather, teach and empower them.
  • Healthy Measure: Measure the human cost of seeking perfection. Sometimes we can get it wrong by trying to get it right.
  • Healthy Mindset: Trust God. Trust others.
• Socially-prescribed perfectionism
  • Definition: A person who reacts to their perceived beliefs about what other people expect of them.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Trying to guess other people’s perceptions.
  • Unhealthy Mindset: Getting into someone else’s head. “I think, they think…”
  • Unhealthy Result: Insecurity, people pleasing and fabricated offenses that rob otherwise healthy moments.
  • Remedy: Practice getting out of other people’s heads.
  • Healthy Measure: What am I assuming is true and what do I know to be true?
  • Healthy Mindset: I can’t please everyone.

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Desires can be tricky. Is it okay to have them? Is it okay to voice them? What if I get my way? Does that make me selfish? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand how having and voicing desires is not all bad, in fact, it can be healthy.

| Unhealthy Desire | Healthy Desire | | Desire for things that God has not allowed. | Desire for things that God has given to us to enjoy. | | Selfishness: insisting on satisfying one’s desires in a way that brings about strife and is at the expense of others. | Voicing desires while understanding that others have desires that will need to be acknowledged. | | Damages relationships. | Enhances relationships. | | | |

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Vulnerability has become a popular ideal. Authenticity, openness, and being “real” are touted as admirable qualities in our culture. Yet, how does Jesus shape this virtue? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Isaac Funk cast a vision for healthy vulnerability and draw from the example of Jesus.

Vulnerability Identifiers…

Jesus teaches us…

• How to be vulnerable.
• How to receive the vulnerable.
• How beauty can be made from the fruit of vulnerability.

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Community has become a popular ideal. A reaction, no doubt, to the ill-effect of our increasingly independent lives. Clubs, groups, associations, and fellowships offer much needed connection and identification for people feeling more and more alone. How is the Christian community unique in providing the connection we fundamentally need? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Isaac Funk elevate the community of Jesus.

Community Identifiers

The Christian Community is…

• God’s ordained way of extending His love to His own people and with the world.
• The communion of the Holy Spirit living among its participants.
• A place where people are known and loved.

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The words we use matter: alcoholic, depressed, narcissist, bipolar - these are all examples of labels we use to describe people. Labels stick - for good or bad. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps straighten us out with what sometimes turns into adult name-calling.

There is a difference between using labels “for” or “against” people. When labels are used responsibly, they should reflect reality with the intent to bring understanding and help to people.

Using Labels "for a Person:

• Labels accurately reflect reality and are used to chart a healthy path forward.
• Labels are not the primary identification of a person. Rather, for the Christian, Christ’s identity is primary.
• Change and redemption is possible.

Using Labels "against" a Person:

| * While some labels may accurately reflect reality, they are used to punish or isolate. * Labels that do not accurately reflect reality. * Labels remain as primary identifier of the individual indefinitely. * Change and redemption is not possible. |

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Our young people transition into adulthood gradually and with assistance. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel explains the role community plays in this process. She highlights the responsibility that is ours and equips us with the tool set needed to get the job done.

Connect with the young people in your life.

• Know them.
• Listen to them.
• Care for them.
• Challenge them.
• Equip them.
• Give responsibility to them.
• When they fail, receive them.

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Forgive, overlook and acknowledge - three verbs that give the embittered a path to freedom. None are easy. In in this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling brings them near and demonstrates the path out from his own life experience.

Show notes

Bitterness has a root:

The root starts with hurt. Hurt that is not properly cared for. This hurt leads to anger. Anger left to seethe and build over time leads to stubbornness. Impenetrable walls are then built to protect. Behind these walls a rebellion settles in.

Bitterness grows:

Minor and major hurtful events stacked one on top of the other over time breeds a canker. The canker travels  its way into many areas of our lives.

Bitterness has a fruit:

The fruit tastes of isolation, division and hardness.

Bitterness has a remedy:

The embittered must engage with the hurt in three ways. Applying forgiveness where they have been sinned against. Overlooking misunderstandings and imperfections where they exist in their offender and acknowledging whatever truth that may exist in the hurt for their personal betterment.  

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Hurt, not properly cared for, can turn to bitterness. Bitterness, not properly cared for, defiles much. In this episode series, Craig Stickling addresses properly caring for hurt and bitterness.  

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Do we love each other because we agree? Or is our love based on something deeper? Surprisingly, conflict exposes the answer. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Matt Kaufmann and Brian Sutter address the nature of conflict and highlight the role our consciences play.

• God has given everyone a conscience.
• The conscience gives us a sense of right and wrong.
• We should listen to our conscience.
• Our conscience is not perfectly tuned to truth.
• We should be a steward of our conscience.
• Scripture should inform our conscience.
• The Holy Spirit should direct our conscience.
• Relationships should refine our conscience.
• When our consciences differ with others, conflict can result.
• Conflict can help mature our conscience.
• We should honor another person’s conscience.

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God wants us to know Him. He wants our thoughts towards Him and our feelings about Him to be guided by truth. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps us evaluate our God image and provides tips on how to have an increasingly more accurate view of God.

It is important to note:

• There are common inaccurate God images. Below are a few examples:
• • “The God of Impossible Expectations” – God holds us to impossible standards and punishes us when we don’t meet them. He is never satisfied.
  • “The Emotionally-Distant God” – God withdraws from us when we go through struggles and difficulties.
  • “The Gotcha God” – God is out to get us. He doesn’t like to see us happy. He is always looking for a way to ‘pull the rug out’ from under us.
  • “The Hiding God” – God has a will for me but He won’t tell me what it is and will punish me if I don’t find it.

• There are good ways to recapture an accurate God image. Below are a few suggestions:

• • Don't superimpose your experience onto the scriptures. Instead let the scriptures inform your experiences.
  • Surround yourself with people that model grace and truth and point out God image distortions.
  • Be patient. It takes time to bring healthy correction to our long-held God image.
  • Memorize Bible verses. Truth is required.
  • Meditate on Bible truth. Personalize the Scriptures by moving the knowledge you’re your head to your heart.
  • Take time to be still. Sit quietly and deliberately imagine God’s nurturing care, love and reception of you.

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Revealing God the Father to human beings was one of the purposes of Christ’s ministry. He wanted His hearers to know God and to view Him accurately. In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr. explains how our God image is formed and the impact that it has on us. While we will never understand God perfectly in this life, we can work to be sure we are not viewing Him through distorted lenses.

It is important to note…

• Everyone has a God concept and a God image.

• How we picture God and believe He feels toward us are very impactful in how we relate to Him.

• Those things we know about God (i.e., ‘head-knowledge’) make up our God concept.

• Our God concept is formed by information that we learn about Him from the Bible and what others teach us.

• Those things we feel about God, including how we picture Him, feelings we feel toward Him, and how we imagine He feels towards us is called our God image.

• Our God image is formed through life experiences including our relationship with major attachment figures (primarily one’s father and mother).

• Positive influences such as love, security, mercy, and relationships with benevolent authority figures lead toward the development of a healthy God image.

• Trauma, mental illness, loss, and wounded trust are all experiences that can have a negative impact on our God image.

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Am I okay? What do people think of me? Should I be happy with myself? These self- questions highlight insecurity. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter walks us through the finer points of insecurity and presents to us true security.

Insecurities are common among all ages. While the things we seek security in change over time, the fact remains that security is a common human desire. Insecurity is helpful in this way. It highlights our desire for security and prompts us with a critical question, “What should my security be in?” Is it in my job, finances, relationships or looks? Just like financial securities, some are better than others, the securities we desire are not all equal. Who do we seek approval from? What is required for me to be happy with myself? Just how secure are these securities? Most often, we look to securities that are exterior to us-the affirmation of a group, the achievement of a goal. Wonderfully, God is that exterior security He wants us to be settled in. Because of God’s dependability, He is the security that is superior to all others.

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Sometimes interactions are charged with emotion. Often, we react to the escalation only to make it worse. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer helps us let the steam out of the charged moment so we can have rational dialogue. The key to doing this is called “validation.”

Validation in interpersonal interactions.

| What it is. | What it does. | What it looks like. | When do you use it? | What it is not. | | Accepting a person’s experience. | Deescalates charged emotional interactions. | Being curious about another person’s experience. | Heated disagreements. | Not reactive | | Joining someone in their experience. | Values another’s personhood. | Validating first, correcting second. | When strong negative emotions are present. | Not agreement | | Understanding a person’s emotional response. | Puts relationship first. | Showing a person that you “see them.” | When you are calm enough to listen. | Not avoiding | | | Builds connection. | Accept their response. | | Not argumentative | | | Legitimatizes other’s response. | | | |

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Seeking satisfaction happens on many levels, on an array of topics, moment by moment with all of us. Quenching appetites is a daily job. Psalm 90:14 offers four surprising facts about the satisfaction that comes from God. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight these surprising qualities and muse on how beautifully welcome each one is.

So much time, effort and energy goes into satisfying our appetites. Hunger, thirst, sleep, love, comfort, approval, accomplishment, affirmation, achievement are a few of the many cravings we try to satiate every day. Yet, God’s satisfaction is different - in four ways.

“O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. “ Psalm 90:14

| Earthly Satisfaction | God’s Satisfaction | | We prize the pursuit of satisfaction as much or more than the satisfaction itself. For example, eating the meal is pursued and valued as much as the filling. | God’s satisfaction is the prize. | | Satisfaction comes at the end. For example, at the end of a meal or at the end of a hard day’s work. | God’s satisfaction comes early, at the beginning not the ending. | | Satisfaction must be earned. For example, you must cook the meal. You must contend, work, strive and achieve to be satisfied. | God’s satisfaction is already realized. We enter into his satisfied reality. | | Satisfaction expires. For example, we are hungry again. We are thirsty again. We need affirmation again. | God’s satisfaction lasts all our days. His satisfaction does not expire. |

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Jesus lived among us. He taught us. But more importantly, he exampled for us “the way.” Now we have a chance to follow His lead. But how? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Marcia Koch share their top three lessons learned from mentoring others.

Notes:

· Mentoring is more relational than educational.

o Be vulnerable and trustworthy.

· Everyone is unique.

o Be careful not to over generalize.

· The cross of Christ is central.

o Everybody in every situation can be pointed to the cross.

· The “self-talk” that people are saying to themselves matters.

o Listen for lies.

· Good questions are key.

o Assume you don’t know and ask. Assume you still don’t know and clarify.

· Regularity is more important than frequency.

o Be there.

· People are more than their issues.

o Relate to people on a variety of levels.

· The Holy Spirit is the change-agent.

o Pray with people.

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3…2…1… no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.

Systems Check for Launch. For Kids:

• Do they have roots?
• Do they have wings?
• Can they evaluate their thoughts?
• Can they regulate their emotions?
• Have they been taught about God?
• Can they learn from pain?
• Can they ask for help?
• Can they engage in the community?
• Does their independence include responsibility?

For Parents

• We are stewards of our children. We do not own them.
• We cannot dictate their beliefs and thoughts.
• God has plans for them.
• Do not protect them from pain.
• Do not protect them from failure.
• Do not make them into a version of yourself.
• Give them freedom to make choices.
• Expect to be disappointed at times.
• Anticipate handing over control to a larger community.

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3...2...1... no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.

Systems Check for Launch.

For Kids:

• Do they have roots?
• Do they have wings?
• Can they evaluate their thoughts?
• Can they regulate their emotions?
• Have they been taught about God?
• Can they learn from pain?
• Can they ask for help?
• Can they engage in the community?
• Does their independence include responsibility?

For Parents

• We are stewards of our children. We do not own them.
• We cannot dictate their beliefs and thoughts.
• God has plans for them.
• Do not protect them from pain.
• Do not protect them from failure.
• Do not make them into a version of yourself.
• Give them freedom to make choices.
• Expect to be disappointed at times.
• Anticipate handing over control to a larger community.

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Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God’s unique and common love to all His children.

Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.

• Infertility is a private pain. “People have no idea of my pain.”
• Infertility struggles to have closure. “It impacts every phase of life.”
• Infertility pain is cyclic. “Maybe next month?”
• Infertility grief is ambiguous. “I’m grieving what might have been, but I don’t know what that even is.”
• Infertility can produce shame. “Why is God keeping children from us?”
• Infertility has administrational headaches. “Why won’t insurance cover this treatment?”
• Infertility treatment intrudes on your privacy. “Do you really need to know that?”
• Infertility robs normalcy. “Everything about getting and having kids is different. The announcement, the baby shower, the experience, is different.”

Yet…

• Infertility, like all pain, is seen by God.
• Infertility, like all pain, is best cared for in a loving community.
• Infertility, like all pain, can be that place where we meet God.

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Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God’s unique and common love to all His children.

Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.

• Infertility is a private pain. “People have no idea of my pain.”
• Infertility struggles to have closure. “It impacts every phase of life.”
• Infertility pain is cyclic. “Maybe next month?”
• Infertility grief is ambiguous. “I’m grieving what might have been, but I don’t know what that even is.”
• Infertility can produce shame. “Why is God keeping children from us?”
• Infertility has administrational headaches. “Why won’t insurance cover this treatment?”
• Infertility treatment intrudes on your privacy. “Do you really need to know that?”
• Infertility robs normalcy. “Everything about getting and having kids is different. The announcement, the baby shower, the experience, is different.”

Yet…

• Infertility, like all pain, is seen by God.
• Infertility, like all pain, is best cared for in a loving community.
• Infertility, like all pain, can be that place where we meet God.

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Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

• Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
• Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don’t have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
  • “I need your attention.”
  • “Do you love me?”
  • “I am embarrassed.”
  • “I feel guilty.”
• Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
• Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
• Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
• Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family’s values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
• Remember “the lecture” has never been effective.
• Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.

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Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

• Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
• Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don’t have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
  • “I need your attention.”
  • “Do you love me?”
  • “I am embarrassed.”
  • “I feel guilty.”
• Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
• Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
• Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
• Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family’s values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
• Remember “the lecture” has never been effective.
• Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.

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Shaming our kids - good intentions, yet with unintended poor consequences. We’ve all done it. Parenting out of exasperation. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter take a careful look at the messages we are sending our kids. Fortunately, a very healthy and redemptive future is possible.

| What is Shame? | Effects of Shame | Examples of Parental Shame | High-stakes Moments for Shame | How do we unwind Shame? | Discipline that doesn’t Shame. | Nature of Shame | | The idea that a person is, at their core, bad, unwanted and beyond repair. | Shame pushes your child into isolation. | “I don’t care!” | When our kids are being creative. | Call your child out from hiding and into community. | Separates their behavior from their personal worth. | Shame shames. | | Shame says there is no hope. Because I’m broken and no one wants me. | “You are the only 10-year-old who doesn’t get this!” | When our kids are being vulnerable. | Enjoy your kids. | Breaks the will but not the spirit. | We will shame and will be shamed. | | “You will never amount to anything!” | When we downplay interests and abilities that they have because they don’t match our expectations. | Celebrate their person. | Support guilt where it is appropriate. | Shame plays on lies and perpetuates lies. |

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When the last of the children leave the home, couples enter the “empty nest” phase of marriage. For some, this moment is met with welcome anticipation. For others trepidation. But for all, the moment marks a transition. All transitions require a certain level of relational care. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Roger Gasser and Kaleb Beyer speak into the care needed to thrive in this transition.

There are a few things that prove helpful to understand when entering the empty nest phase of marriage:

• Understand empty nesting begins by way of a transition. Transitions move us from an old normal to a new normal. By nature, transitions can be disorienting. But with time and effort, a satisfying new normal can be achieved.
• Understand the transition that needs to happen will circle closely to the change in roles that must transpire. Such a shift in roles may very well require a grieving of a past role and an acceptance of a new one.
• Understand the role-shift experience will be felt differently from one spouse to another. For example, a wife who found her identity in rearing the children will undergo a larger shift than a husband who defines his identity apart from the children.
• Understand empty nesting may affect the way couples connect. Connection can be understood by three criterions: availability, responsiveness, and engagement.
• Understand flexibility will be key to thriving. Learning to share your family and your time will go a long way toward being able to find contentment and joy in the empty nest phase of marriage.

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Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.

Six Signposts:

1. Appropriate disclosure: Betrayal plays on the illusion of truth. Through appropriate disclosure truth is brought to bear allowing for new relationship foundations to be set.
2. Betrayal Trauma: It is important for the betrayer to understand the trauma that betrayal causes. Trauma will explain many of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of your betrayed spouse.
3. Triggers: Recovery will include triggers. In moments of trigger, you will be convinced forward motion is not happening. Yet, if you understand the nature of triggers, you will understand that you are in motion. Being able to evaluate this motion is important.
4. Understanding addiction: The betrayed needs to understand the nature of addiction. Such understanding will help them understand the betraying spouse and why they do the things they do.
5. Healthy boundaries: Boundaries protect. Spouses help protect the other by establishing boundaries. By way of boundaries, both safety and trust is built.
6. Forgiveness: Following Christ’s example, couples extend the grace each needs to move forward.

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Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.

Six Signposts:

1. 1. Appropriate disclosure: Betrayal plays on the illusion of truth. Through appropriate disclosure truth is brought to bear allowing for new relationship foundations to be set.
   2. Betrayal Trauma: It is important for the betrayer to understand the trauma that betrayal causes. Trauma will explain many of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of your betrayed spouse.
   3. Triggers: Recovery will include triggers. In moments of trigger, you will be convinced forward motion is not happening. Yet, if you understand the nature of triggers, you will understand that you are in motion. Being able to evaluate this motion is important.
   4. Understanding addiction: The betrayed needs to understand the nature of addiction. Such understanding will help them understand the betraying spouse and why they do the things they do.
   5. Healthy boundaries: Boundaries protect. Spouses help protect the other by establishing boundaries. By way of boundaries, both safety and trust is built.
   6. Forgiveness: Following Christ’s example, couples extend the grace each needs to move forward.

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Believers care about calling. Is God calling me to this assignment? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller (Missionary Care Director) helps us see calling as more than the assignment. She gives 5 suggestions for understanding what it means to be called.

Five important perspectives on following God’s call:

1. There is purpose in the process of working out one’s calling.

God is not only interested in the final assignment. He wants to use the process of discernment to grow us.

1. We are sent after the pattern of Christ’s sending.

“As my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.” John 20:21

1. Calling has much to do with who we are.

We are called into being. Be a royal priesthood the Scriptures say.

1. Calling is more than an assignment.

Calling should not be compartmentalized. Instead, our work, home and church lives flow out of one calling.

1. Calling is confirmed in community.

Fellow believers help us determine if God is calling us to certain assignments.

amiller@harvestcall.org

Learn and Discern Groups: www.harvestcall.org/learn-discern

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Meditation is in vogue. Mindfulness is in fashion. yet, the Scriptures have spoken to this discipline for several millennia. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter walks us through the what, why and how of meditation.

Show notes:

| Question | Answer | | What is meditation? | Meditation is deliberately setting our mind on a certain thing and remaining with our mind set upon it. | | Why should we meditate? | Through the discipline of meditation, we become more mentally healthy as well as spiritually healthy people. The reason for this is because our thoughts give attention to those things that are true. | | In what ways is meditation a skill set? | Meditation is a skill set because it is a learned and practiced skill by which a person can more fully focus their attention on a selected matter of the mind. | | What lies at the center of meditation? | Attention lies at the core of mediation. Dismissing unwanted distractions and focusing on desired interests is key. | | What qualities do I need to have in order to meditate well? | Patience and focus are required for meditation. | | How do I meditate? | To meditate, we must slow down, identify a matter to contemplate on, focus on that matter with curiosity, remain with that matter over time. | | How is mediation different than Bible study? | In Bible study, we are the agent, and the Scriptures are the subject we act upon. In meditation, we are the subject, and the Scriptures is the agent that act on us. | | Are mindfulness and meditation the same thing? | Yes. These terms are similar. Mindfulness is focusing on the present moment. | | When is meditation unwise? | Meditation is unwise when we adopt the modern notion that truth lies within us and meditation seeks to access that self-goodness. |

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Behind our vices is often a lie we believe. Reversing the lie goes a long way in reversing the vice. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan and Matt speak to the health that comes by way of truth. As truth embodied, Christ wants to upset our lies.

PROBLEM STATEMENT: We live in a broken world and wounds happen. Furthermore, wounds compound and compact on top of each other. They build up over time. While some wounds are huge (abuse, etc) wounds don’t have to be huge to be impactful. In fact, often, the subtle unnoticed hurts pack the biggest punch because they go without our notice and their effect is assumed negligible.

FACT: Wounds give way to lies and lies give way to vice.

GOAL: A healthy life skill is being able to heal from the wounding we are bound to get.

HOW: 1. Identify the lie you believe. 2. Replace it with truth. 3. Support the truth with repetition.

EFFECT: Truth will have a living effect on our lives. We will begin to live according to the truth.

Example:

• WOUND: When Jill was young, she was told by a teacher she wished she was smart like her older sister.
• LIE: Jill believed that she would never be “good enough”.
• VICE: Jill began to long for approval. She would seek for it in all the wrong places.
• REPAIR: Jill came to understand the favor God has for her.
• EFFECT: Jill is settled in God’s approval and does not seek for it in unhealthy places.

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There is a path through grief. Helping our grieving teens make progress along that path is so important. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Craig Stickling give us practical tips on doing just that.

Things to remember as you walk with a grieving teen:

• Acknowledge the difficulty.
• Listen to their thoughts and feelings.
• Ask for permission.
• Remember anniversaries.
• Remember the intensity of grief will over time subside.
• Healing comes by moving though the grief cycle. https://www.accounseling.org/phases-of-grief/
• Healing comes by processing the loss.
• Healing comes by connecting with Christ.
• Healing comes by acceptance.
• Healing comes by doing.
• Healing is possible.

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Grief is always hard no matter the age. Yet, our teens experience a unique challenge when it comes to working through loss. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Craig Stickling walk us through the complexities of grief on the maturing heart and mind.

Grief and loss can be troubling to teens...

• Their knowledge is outpacing their experience.
• Their notion of a safe world is challenged.
• While they are learning to take control of various aspects of their lives, they learn that they don’t have control.
• Grief can be unsettling during a time when they are forming their identity.

While a teen’s grieving experience varies dramatically, it will likely include...

• Shock
• Denial
• Depression
• Anger
• Sometimes confusing competing emotions https://www.accounseling.org/grief-and-emotions/

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The cigarette is falling out of favor with the general public. Stepping into its place and gaining favor is the modernized e-cigarette. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Dr. Aaron Plattner helps us understand the growing appeal of vaping.

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Sometimes little things make big differences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer relays three small things that exist in happy marriages.

3 Small Things

Be Purposeful

• Highly happy couples generously focus on what their mate is giving to them. The spouse, in turn, deliberately tries to give back.

Be Present

• Highly happy couples fully invest emotionally in their marriage by risking vulnerability; this leads to a dramatically increased security and happiness in the relationship.

Be Positive

• Highly happy couples give their spouse most of the credit for their relationship success – and they live in regular, conscious gratitude as a result.

Taken from “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference” by Shaunti Feldhahn

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Like a faulty check engine light that comes on prematurely, some consciences trigger signals of guilt when they shouldn’t be triggered. This is called false guilt. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr explains the difference and how to detect if that check engine light is real or not.

• True guilt is grounded in truth.
• False guilt is grounded in feelings.
• True guilt motivates us to deal with sin and move forward.
• False guilt causes us to stall and spin in confession.
• True guilt listens to scriptural objectivity.
• False guilt listens to anxiety and depression.

How to deal with false guilt: A person dealing with false guilt typically hold themselves to standards they would not impose on others. They may benefit from getting perspective and counsel from other people. They should focus on moving forward and will need to elevate Christ’s promises to them and not allow their feelings to undermine the truth.

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Both guilt and shame are similar feelings. Both can be triggered for similar reasons. But they each motivate us toward drastically different ends. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. sorts out the distinctions between guilt and shame and how we should respond to each.

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Birth is sacred and yet, so is death. For many people they will have the opportunity and responsibility to care for their folks as they age and pass. This responsibility is met with challenges, difficulties, opportunities, and blessings. Roger Gasser and Tim Funk let us in on some of these responsibilities and help prepare us to walk these important days with our aging parents.

• Realize the aging process of giving up control.
  • Give parents control where you can, as control is taken away.
• Realize every situation is difficult.
  • Be careful when comparing your situation to the next. They are not the same.
• Realize communication with the entire family is important.
  • Be patient with family members as understanding comes at different rates and at different times.
• Realize grief management is needed. From physical to emotional, the losses are many.
  • Walk with your loved one through the cycle of grief.
• Realize that guilt on many levels is likely.
  • Use the following stems often: "I love you." "Please forgive me." "I forgive you." "Thank you."

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At some level, we all want to be successful. Yet success can have ill-effects. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Fred Witzig tackle this topic of success. Approaching the topic from a historical, clinical and biblical perspective helps provide insight into this “success” we all want.

Show Notes:

How healthy is my success?

• Success should promote humility.
• Success should not promote arrogance.
• Success should promote thanksgiving.
• Success should not promote entitlement.
• Success should promote a dependence on God.
• Success should not promote an independence from God.
• Success should promote a healthy mind.
• Success should not promote out of balance.
• Success should promote good relationships.
• Success should not promote negligence.
• Success should promote a healthy view of God.
• Success should not promote misconceptions of God.
• Success should promote a high view of people.
• Success should not promote a condescending view of people.
• Success should promote joy.

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Conviction of truth. Compassion for people. Context for our society. And comfort in Christ. These are our goals. Join Ted Witzig Jr. as he speaks to the important topic of gender and sexual identity with grace and truth.

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Conviction of truth. Compassion for people. Context for our society. And comfort in Christ. These are our goals. Join Ted Witzig Jr. as he speaks to the important topic of gender and sexual identity with grace and truth.

Conviction of Truth

• Mark 10:6-9
  • Gender is a divine creation.
  • Marriage between a man and a woman is a divine institution.
  • Fidelity is the divine intention.

Compassion for People

• See people as Christ sees them. Love them.
  • We are created in God’s image.
  • We are loved by God.
  • We have undying souls.
  • We are in need of salvation.

Context for our Society

• Common Cultural Script
  • I feel attracted to my same sex.
  • Attraction is a central identifier to who I am as a person.
  • Happiness is found in fulfillment of my identity.
  • I must live out my same sex attraction to flourish as a person.
• People do not choose their sexual attraction. Attraction is complex.
• Changing sexual attraction is not simple. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it does not.

Comfort in Christ

• Jesus attracted people who had brokenness.
• The repair that Jesus offers is much deeper than sexual orientation.
• Jesus offers us an alternative script and it is good news for all of us.
  • I feel attracted to my same sex. This is just one example of brokenness in my life.
  • Sexual attraction is not the central identifier of my life. Rather, my identity in Christ is who I am at the core.
  • Happiness is found in fulfillment of my identity in Christ.
  • Human flourishing happens when I am conformed to Christ’s likeness. Thus, I do not need to act on sinful sexual urges.
• Jesus offers the good news of conversion to anyone who wants it. A transformation occurs when we were once slaves to our brokenness and become new creatures with new minds set free to live according to Christ’s example.

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Empathy is a gift we give to others. It is a gift for many reasons, not the least of which, is the selflessness required. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller flushes out empathy. She helps us walk the fine line of looking within ourselves and accessing the God given skill set to turn outward and connect with another person.

• Empathy is feeling with people.
• Empathy is not fixing people’s hurt.
• Empathy is recognizing, acknowledging, and connecting with another person’s emotion.
• Empathy is not talking.
• Empathy requires selflessness by not making the interaction about us.
• Empathy does not require a shared experience.
• Empathy requires vulnerability on the part of the giver and the receiver.
• Empathy does not require complete understanding of another person’s experience.
• Empathy is built by listening to another’s perspective.
• Empathy is eroded by minimizing another’s experience.
• Empathy is built by prayer.
• Empathy is eroded by ignorance.
• Empathy flourishes when the hurting person gives the helping person grace to try.
• Empathy withers when the hurting person lords their hurt over another.
• Empathy flourishes when the helping person gives the hurting person grace to share.
• Empathy withers when the helping person lords their perspective over the hurting person.
• Empathy is perfectly exampled in Christ, who experienced humanity fully and is now our advocate before the father.

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Connection in marriage is possible. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer shares with us three keys in connecting with our spouse. Accessibility, responsiveness and engagement go a long way in moving us in the right direction - toward each other.

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Marriage is far more than a living arrangement. It is a living relationship which meets a core need we each have for connection. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer exposes this core need and coaches us on how to achieve it.

• Connection in marriage models the connection God desires with us - one in which life flows between us. Christ is the vine and we are the branches.
• Every spouse desires connection. Connection answers “yes” to the questions, “Do I matter to you? Are you there for me?”
• Withdrawal is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It in fact drives further disconnection. Withdrawal is when a person pulls away from their spouse in silence and inattention.
• Aggression is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It, in fact, drives further disconnection. Aggression is when a person pursues their spouse with angst and negative accusation.
• Underneath our withdrawal and aggression is hurt. Hurt is the pain that comes from lack of connection. At the surface disagreement between the spouses is apparent, yet spouses actually agree on this one need – connection.
• Self-reflection is key to navigating disconnection. Learning why we respond in certain ways and assuring our spouse that though our reactions are imperfect, connection is desired.
• Sitting with difficult emotions is key to navigating disconnection. Learning how to face unpleasant emotions and make sense of them with our spouses is necessary.

Connection is made by being available, responsive and engaged with your spouse.

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Conflict happens. Some conflict can be avoided. All conflict needs resolve. Sometimes little things make big differences.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer relays three small things that exist in happy marriages.

3 Small Things

Be Purposeful

• Highly happy couples find that when they can’t resolve conflict before bedtime, they choose to sleep on it. If anger remains in the morning, they don’t let it go unresolved; they deal with it.

Be Present

• Highly happy couples treat one another with intentional kindness; they joke and they challenge, but they try to never do it in ways their mate would perceive as disrespectful or hurtful.

Be Positive

• When highly happy couples inevitably experience hurt feelings and conflict, they eventually reconnect by mutually sharing a private signal that says “We’re okay.”

Taken from “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference” by Shaunti Feldhahn

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Uncertainty, unpredictability, unreliability, riskiness, chanciness, unsureness, changeability - 2020.  It’s one thing to have expectations gone unmet.  It’s another thing to be so uncertain that expectations can’t even be set. Those are the days we are in. And yet, there is an advantage these days afford. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller helps us see those advantages.

• We learn flexibility. A lot is out of our control.
• We learn childlikeness. God is our Father.
• We learn dependence. God is our supplier.
• We learn to be responsible in those things we know.
• We learn to shift our trust from those things uncertain to the one who is – God.

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It is easy to overlook the losses our kids are enduring these days. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling highlights what many of our kids are experiencing as their lives have been put on hold during these days of COVID-19. Fortunately, parents are equipped with a few helpful tools to minister to their losses.

Some tools for the toolset:

• Acknowledge their loss. Don’t down-play it.
• Kids have had limited experience. Bring perspective.
• Connect with their loss. Resist shifting the focus to yourself.
• They will be fearful. Help them express it.
• They will be frustrated. Help them channel it.
• They will be scattered. Help them focus.
• They will be absorbed in the present. Help them see the future.

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What do we do with emotional pain when we can’t make it better? (Hint: David, Hannah, Jerimiah, Job, Habakkuk and Jesus all did it.)  In fact, the example is so abundant in the Scriptures you can’t miss it. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. will answer this question and make it very accessible to all who endure pain. 

• Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust.
• Lament includes four steps:
  • Turn to God
  • Make a complaint
  • Make your request
  • Move forward in trust
• Lament connects the experience of our pain with the reality of God’s promises.
• Some people are afraid to lament because it often deals with raw emotions and difficult questions. However, lament is actually an act of faith as we turn toward God in our pain.
• God has given lament to the individual who is suffering.
• God has given lament to the community who is suffering with an individual.

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Suffering nearly touches us all and is a common human experience. Suffering is bad.  Period. Yet, God steps into this badness. Somehow His knowledge of it and presence in it has some redemptive qualities. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter with Fred Witzig take the topic of suffering head-on and expose the hope that suffering affords.

• Suffering rises from different places. One type of suffering results from consequences from our actions. Another type of suffering results from calamity completely outside of our control. And yet, a third type of suffering comes about when we, by choice, pick up our cross and follow Christ.
• Throughout time, suffering has proven to be a catalyst for either rejecting God or growing faith in God.
• Throughout the Bible we have examples of men and women who, out of their suffering, turned to God and asked “why this suffering?” God is big enough to shoulder our complaints. There is a difference, however, in asking “why” from a standpoint of faith and a standpoint of no faith.
• There are some advantages suffering brings. Suffering gives us a Godward perspective. Suffering helps us identify what matters in this life. Suffering allows us to identify with Christ’s suffering. Suffering helps us rid our hearts of sin. In time, God can use suffering to bring us to a settled place in Him.
• Suffering is often coupled with our loves. Those people and things most dear to us carry the potential for suffering. This risk to love is the risk Christ took and suffered on our behalf.
• According to God’s purposes, He alleviates some suffering while at other times equips us to endure.
• God calls us to walk with those who are suffering yet doing so requires patience and silence.

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God has made us to be healthy through the COVID-19 crisis. Sometimes that’s hard to believe. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us untangle our thoughts and emotions so we can walk these days with a healthy mind.

What we need to know about ourselves…

• We each have an emotional reservoir with only so much capacity. The stress resulting from the COVID-19 crisis can quickly overwhelm us. We need to make the effort to process the emotions we are feeling so as to manage our capacity to absorb stress.
• Fear, the awareness of danger, is understandable during these circumstances. Fear left unattended can quickly evolve into ruminating thoughts of “what ifs”. This anxiety can be troubling. Our “what ifs” will be answered in time.
• Our emotions play to our fears. Emotion will “color the story” and very often over-shadow logic. It is important we engage our thoughtful rational processes.
• We do not all have the same roles in this crisis. Medical workers, authority figures, mothers, fathers, community members all have slightly different concerns. Step into your duties and support others in theirs.
• Isolation is most unhealthy when we perceive we have been cut off from supply lines. Forge and maintain connection with others in accord with the given precautions.
• Recreation can be healthy. Having fun is important. Escape has its place. Entertainment should be done with moderation.
• God has created us to be healthy through trial and will very likely, in time, bring good from these trials.

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Prayer is a conduit of God’s power, provision and purposes.  Through it God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven.  What should we pray for?  And what do we do with unanswered prayer?  Joe Gerber addresses these questions and casts a vision for a culture of prayer.

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The Moravians, an unassuming, powerless, group of refugees prayed mightily for one hundred years. The effects of those prayers cannot be estimated and are still felt today. This is no surprise to anyone who understands intercessory prayer. Prayer makes a difference. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Joe Gerber recounts this history and lays a foundation for prayer today. Listeners will be inspired by the privilege and responsibility of prayer.

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Sometimes little things make big differences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer relays three small things that exist in happy marriages.

3 Small Things

Be Purposeful

• Highly happy couples practice meaningful touches throughout the day, boosting relational and individual health.

Be Present

• Highly happy couples aren’t just spending time together because they are happy; a big part of the reason they’re so happy is that they are spending time together!

Be Positive

• Highly happy couples quickly stop a negative train of thought or action by replacing unhappy or angry thoughts or actions with positive ones to combat negativity.

Taken from “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference” by Shaunti Feldhahn

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The apostle Paul encouraged the Ephesian church to forbear with one another. Forbearance requires a skill set that is growing increasingly foreign in today’s world. A world where individual preferences abound and we have increasingly less reason to endure with those things that do not suit us. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Kaleb Beyer flush out the attribute of forbearance and expose it for its Christ-like beauty.

• Forbearance is enduring with someone or something that doesn’t comply with your favor.
• Forbearance is not forgiveness, which requires an offense to be pardoned.
• Forbearance is acknowledging an annoyance but tolerating it.
• Forbearance is not “facing”, which happens when we confront an unfavorable issue and urge change.
• Forbearance is expecting the irritant to exist and not becoming bitter that it does.
• Forbearance is not enjoying, appreciating or celebrating the annoyance.
• Forbearance is receiving people and loving them despite their unfavorable attributes.
• Forbearance is not ignoring or avoiding people or who do not strike your fancy.
• Forbearance is an attribute of Christ towards you.

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Parenting kids can tee up disagreement between parents. Why? Parenting styles differ. However, it doesn’t have to drive a wedge in a family. In fact, by working together couples might just get parenting right. In this episode Brian and Alison Sutter finish addressing the four basic parenting styles and expose God’s overarching purposes.

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Parenting is hard. Should we scold? Punish? Praise? Or ignore? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian and Alison Sutter walk us through the dense undergrowth of parenting kids. To discern the path, they give us two lenses: grace and truth. Together these lenses will help us parent our children wisely. Yet if we fail to use either one or both, we’ll surely lose our way.

Content contained in this episode:

• Good parenting requires a growth mindset. Determine to learn and grow as a parent.
• Jesus was “full” of grace and truth. Healthy parenting is “full” of grace and truth.
• Grace is love that springs from mercy.
• Truth is love that springs from boundaries and regulation.
• Four parenting styles immerge when we vary grace and truth.
• • Low grace and low truth yields a dismissive parenting style.
  • • Characterized by apathy, hesitation and separation
  • Low grace and high truth yields a judging parenting style.
  • • Characterized by rules, authoritarianism and a focus on behavior
  • High grace and low truth yields a permissive parenting style.
  • • Characterized by avoidance of pain and indulgence
  • High grace and high truth yields a “truth and grace” parenting style.
  • • Characterized by a willingness to be influenced while also have clearly communicated expectations
    • Through parenting God intends to shape parents more into His likeness.

Visit our website at https://www.accounseling.org

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All of us tend to our physical hygiene. It is important that we do. Little attention, however, is given to mental hygiene. In this episode Ted Witzig Jr. urges the listener to employ four simple mental hygiene tips in the new year. 

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Some things we see clearly and yet, other things are blind spots to us. Because of this, the generations can clash in their ideals. Commitment, change and freedom are all such ideals that vary widely among the generations. In this episode, a spirit of hearing and learning is cast by participants Amber Miller (Millennial), Tim Funk (Baby-Boomer) and Matt Kaufmann (GenXer) in such a way that each learns and can appreciate each other.

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We are not self-made people. We are influenced. We are molded. Each one of us has been born into a generation and that generation has molded us. In this episode of Breaking Bread Tim Funk, Amber Miller and Matt Kaufmann dialogue about different generations and learn from each other.

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The best way to be helpful to an unattached child is to direct them back to their parents. In this episode of Breaking Bread Craig Stickling answers some direct questions regarding attachment disorder. His answers are both practical and hopeful.

Critical content contained in this episode:

• Question: How can the believing community be helpful with the unattached child?

Answer: Always direct the unattached child back to their parents.

• Question: Is unattachment unique only to non-biological children such as foster children and adoptive children?

Answer: No. Biological children can undergo attachment trauma in the early months of life also.

• Question: Will early attachment trauma always result in attachment disorder with our children?

Answer: No. Each child is unique. Temperaments play a part. Some children are more disposed to connection and relationship.

• Question: Is there hope for the unattached child to become attached?

Answer: Yes. While healing takes time, positive momentum and difference can be seen in surprisingly short time frames if proper supports are put in place.

• Question: Does God understand attachment disorder?

Answer: Yes. God’s call to mankind, to trust Him and to walk in relationship is exactly the attachment issue. He longs for our attachment to Him as we long for our children to be attached to us.

• Question: What encouragement can you give parents who are dealing with attachment disorder?

Answer: You will be seen as trustworthy to your child.

• • You will be able to handle their misbehavior.
  • You will be able to remain calm during stressful encounters.
  • You will be able to protect them.

• You will be an advocate for their healing and growth.

• Question: What resources would you offer those who want to learn more about attachment disorder?

Answer: Nancy Thomas – Families by Design, www.attachment.org

Matthew and Fawn Bradley, www.beatitudehouse.org

Lee Anne Cooper, https://www.unplowedground.org/

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Description: Sometimes the struggles while parenting is not rebellion in the child, nor is it poor parenting in the parent. Sometimes the problem lies in the attachment between parents and children. This is a brain problem – with answers. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling teaches us about Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Critical content contained in this episode:

• Attachment is a deep and lasting connection between a child and a caregiver established in the first 36 months of life.
• Attachment is a construct built over time.
• Attachment impacts a person’s self worth, emotional management and ability to build relationships.
• Characteristics of poor attachment in a child can manifest itself in the following ways:
• • detached and unresponsive behavior
  • difficulty being comforted
  • defiant behavior
  • poor boundaries with strangers
  • difficulty trusting parents
• While cause and effect is difficult to tease out, Reactive Attachment Disorder rises from early trauma and stresses and should be understood as an infliction of the brain.
• • While trauma and stresses may be present in the early years of a child it puts them at higher risk of Reactive Attachment Disorder but doesn’t mean that they necessarily will suffer with attachment issues.
• The road to recovery includes reorienting a child’s brain toward their parents. Establishing “mom and dad know best" and can assure safety along with unconditional love is foundational.

Resource: "When love is not enough” by Nancy Thomas

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Sometimes little things make big differences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer relays three small things that exist in happy marriages.   

3 Small Things

Be Purposeful

• Highly happy couples tend to put God at the center of their marriage. They focus on Him, not their spouse, for fulfillment and happiness.

Be Present

• Highly happy couples choose gratefulness for how their spouse realistically meets their needs instead of longing for something which is difficult or impossible for their spouse to meet.

Be Positive -

• When highly happy couples experience hurt, they extend grace and assume their mate’s intentions were pure and have a reasonable explanation.

Resource: “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

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Addictions of all kind concern us. Fortunately there is hope. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Roger Gasser walks us through what addiction treatment looks like. Seeing a path through addiction is, in itself, hopeful.

The following questions will be addressed in the podcast:

1. What to do when a family member is addicted but is in denial.
2. What is an Intensive Outpatient Program and when is it needed? When is it recommended?
3. What is Residential Treatment and when is it needed? When is it recommended?  What should I look for in choosing one?

What are the pros and cons of 28-day versus 90-day treatment?

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Jesus lived in community. Interpersonal, face to face relationships, with people. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller makes a strong case for community, especially for the single. What is community and how is it done? Turns out community is critical for personal well-being and many times requires intentionality on our part.

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Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling provide very practical advice on what to look for and how to engage our children with social anxiety in this episode of Breaking Bread.  Be informed.  Be equipped.  Be encouraged.

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We are all too familiar with anxiety. We don’t like it. But do we understand it for its finer details? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. walks through three types of anxiety: spiritual, situational and anxiety disorder.

Show Notes:

Below are some of the topics covered in this podcast:

• Is there a difference between worry and anxiety?
• How does God view anxiety? Is all anxiety sin?
• Understanding the nuances between spiritual anxiety, situational anxiety and anxiety disorders.
• What is the role of our thoughts in worry and anxiety? How does focusing on God’s promises help with worry and anxiety?
• The role of shame in keeping Christian people dealing with anxiety from receiving support. How the church family can help.
• How to give support to someone with anxiety without being overly simplistic or trite.
• Ted shares his personal experience of anxiety and how spiritual and medical support helped him.

For more information on types of anxiety click here.

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Without question, sexual vice carries with it sobering consequences.  There are things at stake.  Yet, oddly enough, the trials we bear have an upside – they define the space of faith and worship we exhibit through obedience to God.

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We live in a sexually sensual culture.  No doubt about it.  And it impacts all of us, irrespective of age, gender and marital status.  All the more reason we need to be good stewards of our sexuality.  In this episode Katie and Arlan Miller along with Matt tackle this very real aspect of our lives.

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Communication with our spouse can be hard.  It is important to note that the content of our conversation is not most important.  Process is critical. In this episode, Kaleb Beyer teaches us, with very practical tips, how to steer our conversations back on track.  In so doing, we will answer a question superior to content agreement, that is, you matter to me.

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Marijuana is experiencing a sweeping acceptance across America.  How do we make heads and tails of this drug today?  In this episode, Dr. Aaron Plattner provides some very welcome discernment.

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We want to protect them at all costs.  But our children will not be able to navigate through this world unharmed.  In this episode Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling help us understand the impact trauma has on children. They also provide practical insights on engaging them on the basis of trauma awareness and healing.

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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is becoming a house hold term.  In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr. continues to shed light on trauma and it’s effects.  He helps us understand PTSD and more importantly what Jesus thinks of trauma.

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The event is in the past.  It jeopardized your core, basic human needs.  Yet your mind and body remain on alert as if the event was in the present.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. educates us on trauma.

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A supporting community is not just a nice idea for those with special needs.  It is essential.  Wonderfully, the church is such a community.  In this episode, Randy and Evie Mogler conclude their remarks about supporting those with special needs.  Included in their remarks are practical tips for engaging those with challenges as well as a high and noble calling for the church.

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Jesus engaged those with special needs -the blind, the lame, the leper.  And we should too.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, guests Randy and Evie Mogler educate us on the beautiful world of special needs.

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The previous episode focused on the “What is” of emotional intelligence.  In this episode Brian Sutter and Amber Miller address the “how to.”  Expect practical ways to regulate your emotions.

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Emotions play a huge role in governing our behaviors and subsequent wellbeing.  It is so important then, that we are able to perceive, understand and regulate them.  In this podcast Brian Sutter and Amber Miller help us do just that.

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The greatest born among women, Jesus called him. Yet this man, who was set aside by God to proclaim Christ’s deity, questioned it deeply. John Reinhard and Brian Sutter explain three critical lessons we learn from the way John the Baptist dealt with his doubt.

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Because doubt is such an affront to faith, it can be ignored in Christian circles.  Yet John Reinhard and Brian Sutter see doubt much differently.  Doubt is not an affront to faith, it is necessary for faith.

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Families are a system.  A set of dynamic moving parts that effect and influence each other.  Over time they form up our norms for family life.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer exposes the nuances of family systems and helps us notice where adjustments can be made.

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Giving and receiving a “no” is painful.  Ron Messner and Amber Miller discuss the complexities that swirl when this has happened.  While easy answers will not be given, a cradle for carrying the difficult questions will be.

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Marriage decision making is under consideration in this episode of Breaking Bread.  Guests Ron Messner and Amber Miller discuss critical elements that form up “marriage by faith”.

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If He hasn’t already, God will likely force your hand to face your fear.  At the core of fear is trust and God very much desires to shift our fears from circumstances to a reverent fear of Him.  In this episode Roger Gasser helps us make this transition.

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What are you afraid of?  Often fear lurks just below the surface of our lives.  While the fear itself may be concealed, its manifestations are not.  In this episode Roger Gasser helps us understand fear - what it is, its purpose and how to deal with it.

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We know life is not a sprint, but at times it sure feels like it is and we need a serious breather.  The fact is, God intends for us to have a breather, quite regularly actually.  He has created us to need rest.  His rest affords us the respite to be resilient.

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In part 1, Kaleb Beyer and Ted Witzig Jr. unpacked what abuse in marriage looks like.  In this episode they walk us through the daunting and tricky task of responding to abusive marital situations.  We learn a great deal by listening to them speak to both victims and abusers.

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News of abuse is all too common today.  Sorting out fact from fiction can be challenging.   In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr. and Kaleb Beyer stick to the facts as they walk us through the ins and outs of marital abuse.

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As an extension of God’s love, He speaks to us. As an extension of our love, we speak to our children. In this episode, Craig Stickling shares five strategies for speaking with our children: envisioning, reinforcing, reminding, redirecting, and open ended questions.

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Mission work is not without its difficulties and unmet expectations.  Yet it possesses the potential for deep joys.  In this episode, Kirk Plattner and Amber Miller speak to critical aspects of preparing for mission.

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Repetitive, degenerative, unmanageable, medicative and destructive – the earmarks of addiction.  In this episode, Roger Gasser continues to educate us on these characteristics while at the same time framing up the hope that can be found.

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Am I addicted?  A question not a few people have asked. In this episode ACCFS clinician Roger Gasser begins to sort through the finer points of addiction.  What it is.  How it works.  What it means.

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God is about setting the solitary into families.  Psalms 68:6.  It’s a brilliant plan.  As sons and daughters of His we have the opportunity to embrace each member of the family as He does – without being a respecter of persons.  In this episode Arlan and Katie Miller provide welcome description on what this looks like.

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God is not a respecter of persons.  Amazing.  In this episode Arlan and Katie Miller explain just how easy it is to be partial.  Even in church.  Yet the community of believers is called to reflect this attribute of God.  And it’s so good that she has.

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While the process for sending missionaries to the field swirls with preparatory support systems, the process for re-entry can go seemingly without even a footnote.  Kirk Plattner and Amber Miller address this vacuum for caring for our missionaries as they return home.  And as you would expect, the local church has a large role to play.

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The apostle Paul required care from the church.  Specifically, he requested spiritual, relational and physical aid.  In episode 1, Kirk Plattner and Amber Miller unpacked the relational care the local church can provide a missionary on the field.  In this episode, they highlight in detail, ways the church can provide spiritual and physical care. 

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Out of sight, out of mind is true in many contexts. But it is painfully true when missionaries and local churches are those that grow dim.  This episode is the first of a 3 part series on the church’s responsibility and opportunity in missionary care. Guests on the show are HarvestCall’s Kirk Plattner and ACCFS’s Amber Miller. Wonderfully, tangible and meaningful connections can be made that will bless the missionary, the local church and as a result – “be a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God.” 

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We want to honor our parents. After all, it is on God’s top ten.  Beautifully, honor takes on different hues depending on the life stage we are in. However, some situations make honor especially challenging. In this episode, Brian Sutter and Amber Miller address some of those challenging circumstances.

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Honoring your father and mother is a big deal [Ten Commandments #5].  Yet working that out in real time can be challenging.  Especially when we disagree.  Obedience has an important voice at the table of honor, but its not the only voice.

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Leave and then cleave. This is the pattern for marriage set early in the Scriptures. This is also the pattern for the gospel set throughout the Scriptures. Christ calls us to leave our previous lives, cleave to Him and become a new creation. In a divine reflection of the gospel, marriage calls us to leave our previous lives, cleave to our spouses and be a new family. In this episode, Kaleb Beyer walks through the nuts and bolts of this “marriage long” process.

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God says to His children, “Come unto me.” In like manner, I should say to my children, “Come unto me.” But what does that look like? Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter offer practical encouragement for parents to engage their children in “family time.”

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One of the hard realities of relationships is that love and hurt are bundled together. The vulnerability that relationship requires makes disappointment possible, even likely. Getting back up after disappointment and repairing trust is required for relationship maintenance. In this episode Kaleb Beyer and Arlan Miller provide a helpful template for restoring trust. 

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God had a controversy with His chosen people in Hosea’s day; they didn’t know God (Hosea 4:1). Christ had a quarrel with the people of His day; they didn’t know God (John 7:28,29). Paul had a burden for the people of his day; that they would know God (Ephesians 1:17). In this episode Matt Kaufmann interviews Brian Sutter about how we can know God better and the delightful and sometimes surprising end that comes as a result.

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Every parent wants his or her child to excel at something; to possess a gift, a talent, a strength. Because they have been fearfully and wonderfully made, they do. As parents, how do we steward them in these strengths? In this episode, Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling help shed light on this responsibility.

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Men and women are equal. Yes. But equality is far too narrow a term to say all that needs to be said concerning gender. In this episode, Amber Miller and Matt Kaufmann discuss the limitations of these terms and introduce a few more helpful ones.

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God created man in His own image.  Male and female created He them.  And God blessed them.  Genesis 1.  In this episode Matt Kaufmann leads Amber Miller in a conversation that highlights the blessing of gender.  In particular, the female gender.  God has placed unique characteristics of Himself in women.  In so doing, God has placed His likeness in the genders in such a way that each is necessary to illustrate Himself the Composite One. 

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Bringing the sun back out in our overcast marriages is not the result of extravagant acts. In this episode, Kaleb Beyer explains the power for good that accumulating small moments of connection have in warming up the climate of our marriages. The currency of affection is simple, basic, local and accessible.

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Friendship is a critical component of marital love. Unfortunately, too often its maintenance is neglected and our “like” for our spouse suffers. Wonderfully, our friendship can be revived. In this episode, Kaleb Beyer gives us the first of three hints on helping our friendship flourish.

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The New Year naturally engenders reflection and anticipation. With gusto, we make plans for improvement. In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr. explains that the best way to make plans for success – is to make plans for failure. Getting back on track is the discipline required to get to the end of the rail.

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These are the darkest days on our calendar. For many, the darkness that overshadows is not only physical. The wintertime blues touch the psyche. In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr. speaks to the issue of Seasonal Affective Disorder and points us to the solution – The Light.

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Discipline is much more than behavior change. In fact, it must be. In this episode, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter elevate this parental role to a more noble end than that of producing good kids. Listen for the hope that naughty kids afford.

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By default, our children enter into our families in a relationship with us.  After all, they are our sons and daughters. However, relationships are not in name only. In this episode, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter speak to the importance of building meaningful relationships with our children.

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Teaching is wonderfully optimistic. The sky is the limit; what do you want your students to know? With a little intentionality, parenting is exciting in the same way. In this episode, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter, interviewed by Matt Kaufmann, encourage us to seize the parenting moment of teaching.

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Christ chose discipleship as the means to pass down faith and sanctify lives. When we engage in Christian discipleship, we participate in the divine and ancient classroom of Christ. In this episode, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann help us understand what discipleship looks like in the church. 

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October marks a milestone for Breaking Bread. Two years, 48 episodes and 46,000 downloads later, we are blessed to find our listenership growing. We rejoice in Christ, our Broken Bread who meets our many and varied needs. He is the substance of our hope in every conversation. In celebration of this milestone we have given Breaking Bread a fresh look and a new sound. Check it out today by listening to our special broadcast.

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Our brains are plastic – moldable, changeable. In this episode Dr. Aaron Plattner connects the dots between our thoughts and our actions. He explains how thinking patterns can be changed for the better. This is very good news and ups the ante for our thought life.

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When it comes to human organs, the brain is arguably the most precious.  Thinking, feeling and behaving find their genesis in the brain.  How has God created our brains to function?  In this episode, Psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Plattner helps us understand this brilliant creation.  He sheds much needed light on the intersection of faith and psychiatry.

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You don’t need to be an intellectual to make a defense for the faith. A visible hope, a genuine love, an honest humility and a listening ear will go a long way in this regard. In this final episode of the Apologetics series Brian Sutter and Matt Kaufmann peal back the onion of faith to reveal the beauty of God and give some tips on how we can engage the skeptic.

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The Christian faith is not a house of cards, tenuous and in need of protection. Thus, questions and challenges are welcome. Within the church especially. Within our families absolutely. In this episode, Brian Sutter helps us understand four main lenses through which we can understand apologetics and make a defense for the faith.

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Christian apologetics is the discipline of making a defense for the Christian faith. Apologetics, therefore, has an important place in the life of a believer. But what place does it have? Does our faith rest on the sum total of a bunch of rational arguments? Or, do the arguments rest on our faith in God and thereby give rise to worship? In this episode, Brian Sutter, interviewed by Matt Kaufmann, cites the importance for both but advocates for worship. Apologetics offers a great deal of health and hope to the believer.

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The tools for shedding hurt should be viewed as items in a tool belt to be used upon demand as opposed to items stored away in a box if per chance the need for use arises. In this final episode of the “Shedding Hurt” series, Ted Witzig Jr. explains both the importance and the skills for not allowing hurt to pile up.  Having a lifestyle of shedding hurt will allow us to weather life’s many disappointments.

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At the root of forgiveness there are two gifts to be given. The vindication we want to give to the offender we give to Jesus.  The grace we want to keep for ourselves we give to the offender.  In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr. walks through the steps of forgiveness and helps us give these gifts to the right recipient.

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Are you hurting? Have you sustained an emotional wound? Suppose you could shed that hurt. Suppose that hurt could fall away. Ted Witzig Jr. suggests it can.  In this podcast series, Matt Kaufmann leads Ted in unpacking the disciplines of shedding hurt, anger, and bitterness.

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Settling your identity on Christ will be a journey. A journey worth taking. In this episode, Amber Miller identifies the road markings for this journey and provides some practical helps along the way.

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Who am I? Some of us ask this question out right. Others of us ask this question beneath our awareness. To be sure, all of us ask this question. The degree to which we are settled, content, satisfied and secure partially rests in this answer of identity. In this episode, Amber Miller helps us understand the health that is ours when we place our identity in Christ.

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To misquote William Shakespeare, “All the world is the audience.” The stage is our technology.  With ever widening audiences our lives are broadcasted in circles we never intended. Users of technology need to understand this principle as well as others to navigate technology in the twenty-first century.  This episode speaks to three final principles in technology use: time usage, Christ likeness and social appropriateness.

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The Bible makes no mention of the internet, apps or virtual reality.  Yet it speaks to them.  In this episode, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann provide a few helpful principles to use when discerning our technology use.

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The intimacy between a husband and a wife holds immense promise, for it springs from immense holiness – The Holy Trinity. Christian marriage is a living testimony of God’s Oneness. In this episode, Kaleb Beyer helps us understand sex as God designed it.

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Marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ and the church. When husbands and wives take their cue from Christ, they become a living testimony of this most holy relationship.  To be sure, Satan wants to upset this metaphor.  In this episode, Kaleb Beyer explains where he does and how we can, through Christ, be re-centered.

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From Genesis to Revelation, marriage is a major narrative of the Bible. This divine institution is a visible testimony of the relationship nature of God. In this episode, Matt Kaufmann will lead Kaleb Beyer in a discussion that will attempt to peer into marriage and discover the gospel elements contained therein.

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Life is hard. Part of being human is working through tough stuff. In times like these people tend toward isolation. However, God bundles the answer in relationship. Counseling, lay or professional, is this relationship that exposes  our hurts to Christ’s healing light. In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr introduces the discipline of Christian counseling and gives you a window into the heart of Apostolic Christian Counseling and Family Services.

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Boundaries define what is and is not the United States. Furthermore, the existence of those boundaries and the respect we have for the boundaries of other nations sets the footings for national relationships. In like manner, personal boundaries go a long way in framing up our relationships with other people. Proper respect, discernment and action in accordance to our boundaries free us up to live out the law of love.

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Our lives bump up against the lives of others at our boundaries. The proper care of those boundaries is incumbent on us to avoid hurt, exhaustion, and frustration. In this podcast series, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann walk through five principles for living with healthy boundaries.

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Having the conversation about the “Birds and the Bees” can be intimidating. In this episode, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter motivate and equip parents to train up our children on the topic of sex.

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We live in a sexually confused culture. It is, therefore, of utmost importance that we engage our children and shape their sexual character. Brian Sutter and Craig Stickling frame up this task by giving parents five areas of focus: beliefs, values, needs, skills, and supports.

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From a pillow of stones to a pillar for worship, Jacob’s transition was redeemed. In like manner, God would like our transition to be a springboard for worship.  Episode 3 concludes the Redeeming Transitions series by introducing two more redeemable qualities of transitions – transitions elicit worship and transitions teach us about ourselves.

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Jacob had just made hash of his family relationships. Bethel was his place of transition, a backdrop that was undesired and unfamiliar to Jacob. While he was there, God spoke to him and said that “all the families of the earth will be blessed” through him. God uses Jacob’s transitional spot as a redemptive moment in Jacob’s life. In this episode Ted Witzig Jr. and Matt Kaufmann explain two redemptive lessons out of the story of Jacob. First, God intends our transitions to be a launching pad for the blessing of others and second, we are not the product of the backdrop of our circumstances.

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Unwelcome circumstances landed Jacob in Bethel, an uncomfortable place. He happened upon this desperate place as he fled from his brother Esau. This in-between place was desolate, an unsettled place of transition. No doubt it marked a new low in Jacob’s life. However, God had other plans for this transition. He met Jacob there and redeemed it. This is the first of three episodes in the Redeeming Transitions series. Ted Witzig Jr., interviewed by Matt Kaufmann, speaks to the issue of transitions. Hope is offered as we see how God intends to redeem our transitions as He redeemed Jacob’s.

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Thanksgiving is an ornament of grace in a believer's life. It springs from faith and leads to faith. To prepare our hearts for thanksgiving, Kaleb Beyer, Brian Sutter, and Matt Kaufmann tease out some of the finer points of being grateful. Be encouraged by the re-release of this "Living Joyfully" episode on thankfulness.

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Being still helps us know God. Knowing God helps us to be still. And when we are, we identify with the rest of God. Such rest is a theme of the Bible. In this episode Brian Sutter and Matt Kaufmann conclude a three part series on being still and knowing God.

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Meditating on the Word is widely encouraged in the Scripture. What does it look like and how is it practiced? As we reclaim the noise and distractions in our lives to rest and quietness, episode 2 provides some examples and illustrations around the discipline of meditation.

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Being still should be easy.  After all, it is the absence of effort.  It is not work but rest.  It is not noise but quietness.  Why then is it so hard to do?  While our gadgets, gizmos, culture and hurried lives present drag to this spiritual discipline, the true value of the practice lies in faith.  In this episode Matt Kaufmann interviews Brian Sutter on cultivating the discipline of spiritual quietness.

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How do we live out singleness? Though it embodies the New Testament Covenant and serves great purpose in the church it is not easily lived out.  Challenges are many. Loneliness, sexual impurity and unhealthy identity are a few of the threats that plague the single. In this episode, we tackle these issues head on and see how the single has a unique opportunity to press toward Christ likeness.

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Marriage is to oneness as singleness is to sufficiency.  Both are visible testimonies of separate and critical concepts of the gospel. In this episode, we hope to explain how singleness uniquely and wonderfully supports the longer narrative of Scripture and the impact that it should have on the church. 

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Singleness [sing-guh l-nis] n. the state or quality of being single. Like trying to paint detail with a broad brush, the term “singleness” falls short in painting the finer points of the life of our unmarried brothers and sisters. Amber Miller, interviewed by Matt Kaufmann, exposes these finer points and attempts to paint a more accurate landscape of singleness in the church. This is the first episode in a podcast series devoted to redeeming the topic of singleness in the church.

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Yes or no? At some point in the decision making process we have to decide. Once we do, we rest in a God who has a long history of blessing and redeeming the decisions of man. This episode will highlight the final principles of biblical decision making: seeking wise counsel, walking with God, and God’s sovereignty.

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Biblical Decision Making part 2 addresses three more decision making principles and the corresponding misconceptions.  Most would agree that in Christian decision making prayer is necessary. Faith is essential. Waiting is inevitable. God wonderfully uses these principles in the decision making process for gains which are often overlooked.

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The story of our lives in many ways can be chronicled by the many decisions we make. Biblical Decision Making is a podcast series that considers principled truths as well as common misconceptions in decision making. In Part 1, Breaking Bread host Matt Kaufmann interviews Arlan Miller and together they lay a foundation for God’s purposes in decision making.

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To see joyful living exampled, we need only to look at children. Laughter and smiles are a part of their every day. Brian Sutter and Kaleb Beyer suggest learning from children can provide a pleasant relief in our serious lives. Living with childlikeness is the last of five encouragements on living the joy filled life.

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It is natural for thanksgiving to come on the eve of blessing. But how about from the ashes of difficulty?  Kaleb Beyer and Brian Sutter suggest that gratefulness is an ear mark of the joyful life, not only because joyful living sends us to thanksgiving but thanksgiving sends us to joy-filled living. Living with an appreciative heart is the fourth of five encouragements contained in the “Living Joyfully” podcast series.

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It is a great relief to know that a believer can live joyfully in spite of difficult circumstances. In this podcast, ACCFS clinicians Kaleb Beyer and Brian Sutter unpack two more practical helps for living joyfully – living in the present and living with acceptance. The Christian will understand that their faith in Christ sets them free to apply these techniques regardless of their difficult surroundings.

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We should be joyful, however, all too frequently the believer in Christ is not. Living Joyfully is a 4 part podcast series which provides the biblical framework and practical helps for living joyfully in a not-so-joyful world.  In the first episode, ACCFS staff Kaleb Beyer, Brian Sutter, and Matt Kaufmann explain how to live intentionally and how such living can restore joy.

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In years gone by, the Scriptures provided meaning to the word “membership.”  Since then, culture adopted the term and has emptied it of its meaning.  Now we commonly use the term out of biblical context. This podcast endeavors to restore biblical meaning to the term “member.”  In so doing, we believe, each member of Christ’s body will be encouraged.

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The Bible is full of examples of expectations going unmet.  When we peer into these examples we find a common redemptive theme – God uses our failed expectations to meet His expectations for our good and His glory.

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Solving the problem of unmet expectations is impossible, if the solution requires meeting our expectations.  However, if we position unmet expectations in a larger understanding of the gospel we find them redeemable.  Episode two is the second of a three part series on unmet expectations that carefully lays out this larger understanding.

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More often that we would like, our expectations go unmet. Unmet expectations are unique losses that give rise to unique grief. From significant to trivial issues, unmet expectations are all too familiar and commonplace. The first episode of the three part series will construct an awareness of unmet expectations and an understanding of the loss and associated grief that rise from them.

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Family worship does not come without opposition. To be sure, Satan wants to thwart our efforts. Yet, great hope can be offered to the struggling family when we find opportunity and redemption in these areas of opposition and struggle.

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Careful intentional teaching concerning family worship is good practice.  What forms does it take?  ACCFS staff encourages parents in this sometimes daunting task.  Resources, techniques, attitudes and strategies are shared to equip parents in this endeavor.

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Much of worship is caught.  Our children witness our lives day to day.  They see our devotion and catch our patterns.  Do we let them in on our worship?  ACCFS staff discusses this critical component of worship development in our families.

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A short explanation of why we at ACCFS chose "Breaking Bread" as the name of our podcast.

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As parents, God has equipped us to lead family worship.  Corporate Family Worship is the first of 4 episodes in a series of conversations concerning the topic of family worship. Specifically in this first episode Matt Kaufmann interviews ACCFS counselors Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter on the topic of family worship in the context of Sunday worship.

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Challenges and problems will arise when adolescents are using cell phones. How should parents react to these challenges? ACCFS counseling staff presents the power of the cell phone contract.

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ACCFS counseling staff carefully unpack the necessary teaching that needs to accompany an adolescent who has a cell phone.

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Is your child ready to have a cell phone? Counselors Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter, interviewed by Matt Kaufmann help coach parents on the significance of cell phone use among our adolescents.