Have you ever tried to make a request without actually knowing what you need? It probably sounds like a discombobulation of thoughts delivered as a monologue of verbal vomit, followed by a blank stare of the recipient. Shortly after comes resentment, that whomever you confusingly babbled at isn’t doing something helpful with the tangled web you just delivered. And what about when we are desperately needing empathy and so attached to how we need to receive that, we ourselves fall into unconsciously trying to control how people will provide empathy the right way. Aligning with what it is we are truly needing in the moment, formulating concise requests, and asking questions to gain connection can produce profound relational shifts. If we have healed enough of our own pain, we are less dependent on other people to give us what we need.

• What is your request?

• Ken Wilbur’s pre/trans fallacy (https://integrallife.com/pre-trans-fallacy/ )

• What am I actually needing because I’m the only one that knows?

• Expressing empathy for and honoring intention (especially when it is not helping)

• To the degree that we are not dependent, we are able to truly love

• They no longer need to meet our needs in order to earn our love

• Expressing a longing for connection, an invitation to meet in that space – if that is something you are interested in – and a neutral reaction if that is not what you are looking for.