Being in a victim state means that we have lost access to awareness and choice. We feel out of touch with our power so we react by trying to control people and the outside world to facilitate the illusion of peace within. Instead of trying to change external circumstances, we begin by changing what was outside of us that is now living within. We can work with what lives inside of us by finding willingness to heal old scars and be released from old patterns of responding with fear-based consciousness. It will be painful. NVC allows us to be in relationship with the pain in a way that is healing rather than pathologizing. On the other side of pain is liberation and choicefulness. 

• We can only choose when we are aware

• Social engagements are fundamentally different after doing internal work with the pain

• To the degree you’re unwilling to work on pain, you will remain a victim, blame other people, and look for external things to change what you’re unwilling to change within yourself.

• A lot of strategies will come up to try to help you not feel the pain

• Somatic indicators will help direct us to what we haven’t previously been aware of 

• Begin by changing the cognitive framework, what beliefs have I internalized? Find new beliefs.