Today’s conversation focuses on how to deal with the stress of parenting, and how to teach children to be truly happy. Co-regulation is necessary for kids before we can expect self regulation. We come alongside our kids to help them emotionally regulate so they know how to manage their emotions. Parenting is stress inducing! It’s a hard job. Some say it’s a thank-less job, but seeing my children grow up, be empathetic, love people well, and add beauty to the planet feels like a big applause.
RECAP
If we want change for our kids, it must start with us. So much of what our children absorb is what we model to them. Our kids watch us. They model what they experience. They need to see us without our phones. They need time to connect with us, but it doesn’t need to be all day everyday. A little bit of focused time goes a long way!
Perfection is not the goal. If you’re a good enough parent your children will be okay! Every person needs therapy, no matter their parents.
Adults get to experience a full range of emotions, but kids are often told they can’t have tantrums, not to be grumpy, to be grateful. Can’t you just be happy? When this is the case, we’re denying their reality, suppressing their emotions and teaching them that only certain emotions are acceptable.
Respect your kids wishes! You would want to be respected if someone was trying to smother you and you asked them to stop. If they don’t want a hug, let it be. If you’re the one needing the hug, ask someone else for it. Don’t diminish your kids emotions. Try to understand by asking questions. Perhaps you notice they seem sad/upset, you can ask, do you notice any emotions you’re feeling? If you saw what happened you can give them language to use if they aren’t sure what emotions they’re feeling. (Ex: It seems like you’re sad or disappointed about what just happened.) Empathize with them. Step in and help them out.
Make sure to carve out space and time for yourself. Maybe it’s only ten minutes here, but that means it needs to be an hour the next day! Find supports and invest in them. Connect in person or remotely, but connect somehow!! You need to be energized so that you have what you need to your kids. Get the sleep you need!! It’s easier to respond to meltdowns and disrespect when we as the adult have gotten the rested we need!!
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