Wasted.

I didn’t want to have wasted my life being wasted.

Wasted time. Wasted life. Wasted potential.

I started cleaning up my life not because of a choice to follow through on it but because the pain and the emotions I felt when it came to my ex were already strong enough on their own and when I drank they became something I couldn’t handle.

Drunk me could not handle the heaviness of the pieces I was left with to pick back up.

I would drink enough in hopes of leaving his memory at the bar. I would end up losing everything but the memories. I went from wanting to can’t live without it.

But who I am now doesn’t need the drink or the man.

I wrote this ↓ letter to God because my emotions finally got the best of me or you could say worst. The messiest moments of my life came from the times I had a little too much to drink.

December 5th, 2017

Dear God, I’m sorry for not listening and for falling again. I know you love me and you want to protect me and I know you won’t force me to do anything I don’t want to do. I hope God that you could help me not keep falling for this temptation that is getting me in these situations. I don’t want to want to drink anymore and I don’t want to want all the bad things that I do anymore.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://bossbabeliving.home.blog/2021/01/16/you-are-you-going-to-have-to-put-the-drink-down/

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