In this episode:
If we go through life reacting to circumstances like emotional babies, drama will follow us wherever we go. In this episode, we explore ways to change from being highly reactive into people who can cope using emotional maturity and self-control.
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I was recently watching my granddaughter as her mommy and daddy played with her. How quickly her face could change from a lit-up smile combined with a belly laugh to a pout and a whimper. It took literally seconds for her to react and change from happy to sad. With her immature emotions, she’s naturally affected by what goes on in the room. If the adults sound happy, she plays happily on the floor, but if our tone escalates in a serious conversation her reaction, reflects that tone. Because she’s emotionally immature, she’s highly sensitive to being reactive. She doesn’t have the ability to ration or reason. She doesn’t talk herself into a different state of mind. It’s all reactionary. As long as one of the adults offered a toy, made a funny noise, sang a song, or tickled her tummy, she stayed happy. She could be diverted by a noise or a smile in a positive way. Or diverted by irritation in a negative way. Have you ever stopped to notice how often adults still react as if they have the emotional control of a 5-month-old baby? I say we, but I mean me. How quickly do we flip to drama mode? Examples:
Triggered by something on social media to tap out an angry or insulting reply Suddenly crying because someone frustrates me (raising my hand here) Socially overwhelmed and either withdraw or lash out Overcome by someone else’s drama and make it worse by joining Fight or flight takes over with any hint of vulnerability Feeling unsafe about someone else’s tone and fighting back
While some of this is rooted in past emotional pain that could require the help of a therapist, I think some is just because we chose to be emotionally immature. So, let’s talk about how we can get in a better place.
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Life, Repurposed Let’s walk through a couple of simple steps that can help us process.
Name and recognize feelings. I struggle with this more than I once thought. When someone says, “What are you feeling right now?” I’m not always able to answer that well. Practice being other-centered. It’s natural to talk on and on about ourselves. When someone asks about something, we might give a long answer. But what would happen if I spent a whole phone call with a friend talking about me? What if I missed something in her voice that sounded as if she were about to cry? I try to think of a way to volley the conversation,