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In this episode I’ll continue with step number 10 and talk about the second part of that step. As a reminder, this step is:

I continue to take personal inventory and when I was wrong promptly admitted it.

I have underlined today’s subject.

I suppose I would consider this the most difficult part of the step. It’s easy enough for me to sit in my chair at night or on the side of my bed and think about who I might have offended during the day, and especially whether or not I need to make amends to them.

Sometimes I may say something offhanded to one of my friends, but it may be that it’s just him and I standing there. Maybe I’ll say something like, “You are such a goofball”. If I think about this before bedtime I would probably just let it go as something that was said in fun or in jest.

However, I may have said it when the two of us were standing around in conversation with, say, six other friends. In that case I may say to myself in the evening that I would have to check that out with him, and ask him if my saying that caused him discomfort. If it did I would have to apologize immediately.

Sometimes, of course, my rationality gets into the picture. I may think that I am, in a way, better than him. This may be because I would say to myself that he shouldn’t be so thin-skinned, and realize that he was a perfect human being. Wow! Ain’t I great?! So what I think about the situation really has nothing to do with whether I may have offended someone or not. One thing I cannot do is transfer my moral or theological feelings to him or her. I really think that would be a violation of their space.

Anyway, the biggest aspect of this step, I think, can be summed up in the word awareness. I know I used to go around all day just running my mouth and saying or doing just about whatever I wanted to without any concern for any of those that were in my path. I try not to do that now, and try to remain aware of how I am affecting other people. It is not always easy, but that is why I try to do this step every night. Sometimes it is easier in retrospect, when it is quieter, to realize how I may have affected someone.

And, as I said I must try to keep my rationalization out of the picture. God, or my Spirit, will let me know what to do, but I will not hear what they are saying if I am allowing myself will and my rationalization to run riot over me.