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So, this episode will be about the last part of step nine. As a refresher, number nine is:

I made direct amends to such persons wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

This episode is about the last part of step nine (the underlined part).

This part of the step can either work for us or against us. It is the ideal, perfect place for our rationalization to rear its ugly head. Of course there are a few instances where it would legitimately be not wise to bring up the past. For instance let’s think about one of the usual scenarios that arise in relation to this step. Let’s say that in your drinking or drugging or whatever promiscuous days you had sex with a person that also happened to be a spouse. Let us further assume that the spouse of this person knew nothing about their promiscuity. Would it be a wise choice to approach the spouse and say, I’m trying to clear my conscience, so I want to let you know that I caused your partner to be unfaithful to you. In this case, what’s the point? I can see no benefit from this action other than clearing the mind or the conscience of the person doing the step. It certainly seems that this action would fall under the purview of injuring them or others, and quite possibly, both.

All of these admissions, or confessions if you will, are asked for by this ninth step for two reasons. The first reason is to try to let the other person or persons involved, know why you did what you did, or said what you said. However, this step is not meant to be used as a harmful thing to another person, or to allow you to feel better as a result of your actions.

The second reason for doing this step is to, (hopefully), allow you some relief from the pressure that might linger in the memory of what you have done. For us to feel better as a result of speaking with someone through step nine is pretty much a byproduct of this step. My main reason for talking about this with that person is to let them know that the issue was entirely me.

Now, let me get to the part where it is possible for me to play games, and not do this step correctly. In almost every item on my list, I realized that I could easily become involved with my old friend rationalization. It was relatively easy for me to say something like, “Oh, they wouldn’t want to hear from me. It would only open up old wounds and cause bad feelings all around.” The real reason is not because I wouldn’t want them to feel bad. The real reason is because I did not want to make myself feel bad by admitting any imperfection. This is what my rationalization does. It tries to convince me that I should take the course of action that makes me look the best. And I certainly do not mean in the eyes of the other person involved. I mean that my rationalization is such that it can almost eliminate the other person or the other person’s feelings in deference to not allowing me to feel bad, or to look bad.

In doing my ninth step, I must remember that hopefully, both parties will benefit from my actions. That may not be possible in all situations. In those cases, the ultimate good thing, is for the other party to feel better or understand better why the situation that caused this amends to take place, happened.