I have to admit it but at one time I had a "HUGE" amount of "Mommy guilt" for staying in the relationship with my ex. I didn't see the consequences off the bat but after leaving I put things together. The kids had issues at school with bullying or being a bully. There were other behavior issues in public settings and more. Now, as adults, they each have some type of issue, from mental health issues, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. All I could think of is what if I...

The past is in the past and I can't change the decisions I made but going forward I can help educate others about the importance of checking in with their kids. To learn the signs of when they are struggling and need help. Children exposed to family violence are more likely to develop social, emotional, psychological and or behavioral problems than those who haven't had that trauma in their lives. Some signs to look out for are:

Emotional

• Grief for family dynamic and loss.
• Shame, guilt, and blaming themselves for any issues happening in the family.
• Confusion about conflicting feelings toward caregivers.
• Fear of abandonment, or expressing emotions, the future, or injury to themselves.
• Feelings of anger.
• Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
• Feeling embarrassed.

Behavioral

• Acting out.
• Withdrawing.
• Becoming aggressive or really passive.
• They are now refusing to go to school.
• The child becomes the adult acting as a parent substitute.
• Lying to avoid fights and confrontation.
• Defensive.
• Attention seeking.
• Bedwetting and nightmares.
• Behavior that is out of control.
• Failing in school.
• They start manipulating others, act dependent and are moody.

Social

• Isolate from friends and relatives.
• Turbulent relationships.
• Have a hard time trusting, especially when it comes to adults.
• They can not control their anger and have a hard time with problem-solving skills.
• Busy with activities just to avoid home.
• Passivity with peers.
• Bullying.
• Engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or become the victim.

Physical

• They may feel ill all the time and suffer from other health complaints such as, headaches, and stomachaches.
• Nervous, anxious, and have a short attention span.
• Always feeling tired.
• They are not taking care of their personal hygiene.
• The child may show signs of regression in development.
• Risky choices when playing.
• Self-harm.

Please know you are not alone and help is out there. Contact a counselor or mental health organization.

Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. Message me privately for support or help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse.

This is the first of many episodes to come where I will share my story but also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.

You can find my books and my Journals here- https://www.amazon.com/Melinda-Kunst/e/B0788SWSB1

Find me on Facebook here- www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone

Find help and info here-

https://www.thehotline.org/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help

https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Sexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/

National Suicide Prevention lifeline-800-273-8255

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