From: Gregor Samsa
To: Office Manager
Subject: Me Today
Dear Office Manager,
SO sorry about this but going to be a little bit late to work today – having a slight medical issue but should be resolved soon. Will hopefully be all good for the 10am meeting but if not I’ll ask Alyssa to take notes for me.
Sorry again!
Best,
Gregor
From: Office Manager
To: Gregor Samsa
Subject: RE: Me Today
Ok.
From: Gregor Samsa
To: Office Manager
Subject: RE: Me Today
Dear Office Manager,
Thank you so much for your understanding! I really appreciate it.
Warm regards,
Gregor
From: Office Manager
To: Gregor Samsa
Subject: Slide Deck
Did you get a chance to finish it? We need it for the meeting Wednesday.
From: Gregor Samsa
To: Office Manager
Subject: RE: Slide Deck (JPEGS included)
Dear Office Manager,
My sincerest apologies as I know this must be very frustrating. I do not know when I’ll be able to get it done as this medical issue is taking longer to resolve than I previously imagined. I’m not sure why but I’ve transformed into a giant insect (see pictures attached). I tried sleeping it off but that didn’t seem to work. Rest assured though I am working hard to figure this out so that it doesn’t affect my job performance.
I’m getting better at controlling the mobility of all these legs, so I can still dial into the 10am, but I just won’t be using video if that’s okay with you.
Again, sorry for the inconvenience!
Best wishes,
Gregor
From: Office Manager
To: Gregor Samsa
Subject: DO NOT DIAL INTO THE 10AM
GREGOR – Do not dial into the 10am! Go to the emergency room!
From: Gregor Samsa
To: Office Manager
Subject: RE: DO NOT DIAL INTO THE 10AM
Dear Office Manager,
Don’t worry about me! I’ll go to Urgent Care once we wrap up the meeting and I finish editing the slide deck so you have it for Wednesday. Truly I’m fine, and I looked online and found a very helpful Reddit thread with lots of great advice. I tried WebMD but they always just say everything is cancer haha.
Somewhat related but my voice is a little hoarse, or it’s like, a different octave than normal. Or maybe a different frequency. I tried talking to my sister but she just looked kind of appalled. I don’t think I’ll be able to verbally give my updates on the call but I’m typing up all my notes and will send them to Alyssa so that she can update the teams.
Additionally, I know we have a lunch meeting with our new client today. It might be a bit late to note dietary restrictions but do you know if the restaurant we’re going to has just like, rotten food scraps? If not, no worries, I’ll just eat beforehands, but figured I’d ask.
Sincerely,
Gregor
From: Office Manager
To: Gregor Samsa
CC: HR-department@company.com
Subject: GREGOR, LOG OFF.
Gregor – I am serious. We’ll have Alyssa go to the client lunch. Also I’m looping in HR for visibility on this issue.
From: HR-department@company.com
To: Office Manager
Subject: RE: GREGOR, LOG OFF.
Jesus Christ
From: Gregor Samsa
To: Office Manager
Subject: Finished Slide Deck!
Dear Office Manager,
I hope the 10am went well! I tried to log in but I guess HR told the legal team about my situation so I was fielding a lot of calls and emails about whether I was going to sue the company (which I’m not!).
I’ve attached the finished slide deck for approval. Again, so sorry for the delay, I would have finished it earlier but my computer was glitching and every time I tried hitting the “restart” button I accidentally hit six other ones at the same time. Also my dad swatted me with a newspaper (parents, right?). No worries about the lunch, I’ve been having some trouble sitting in chairs anyway so I would have to sit on the floor and I don’t want to get in the way of the waiters.
Best,
Gregor
From: Gregor Samsa
To: Alyssa Williams
Subject: Client Info (PDFs attached)
Hi Alyssa!!
Just passing along a briefing about our upcoming projects for the new client lunch. SO sorry to put all this extra work on your plate since I know you’ve been totally swamped the past few day...