It’s banal to say that social media is not real life. Of course, we are not our profiles. It is unwise to believe that curated and framed images are an accurate representation of a person.

When we take profile pictures for truth, we’re as naive as the phrenologists who believed that, by analyzing the slope of a nose and forehead, they could infer the intelligence and character of a portrait’s subject.

The old bait-and-switch (rebranded “catfishing”) is routine online, but it’s not restricted to image. Asynchronous communication allows for engineered irony and carefully crafted wit. There are garrulous folk on Twitter who are quiet in conversation. And without fast cuts and sound effects, many YouTube personalities fall flat.

Online, I’m tempted to present myself as better than I am. More clever, less pedantic. Funny, even.

In a sense, editing this essay is a process of refining a rough first impression. I don’t share first drafts, and I brush my teeth before leaving for work in the morning.

The analogy between grooming and self-presentation is apt. Virtue does not reside in straight white teeth, a pressed shirt or carefully coiffed hair. In other words, virtue is more than skin deep.

Walk through any central business district and observe the tailored suits. Some conceal infidelity, domestic abuse, porn and drug addiction, neglect of friends and family, embezzlement, etc. Sin hides behind closed doors, and each morning it puts on a face for the public.

Social media will always attract those who aspire to project virtue without making the real life commitments that virtue requires. This isn’t a bug in the system. It’s the system working as intended.

Social media is a resume updated daily, a biased record of achievement. But it can also be a stained white shirt, with momentary indiscretion made permanent feature. In either case, our mistake is to judge based on appearance.

In truth, we can only guess at the virtue of others. More is left unseen than shown, even by those we love and live with. Imagine: after decades, a marriage ends in betrayal; or mom’s little angel shoots up a school; or a suicide note is the first sign of depression, found too late to make a difference.

If we seek virtue, in ourselves and others, we will not find it online. We must take off the face we wear for others and confront the mirror. If we don’t like what we see, we can either change our profile pictures or change ourselves. But we should not confuse the two.

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