Not Allowed to Die: Recent Episodes
Daniel J Maigler
As a therapist I have only one rule: you are not allowed to die. On this podcast I will answer questions about therapy, mental health, coaching, or anything else folks want to pick my brain about. I bring 20 years and over 1000 clients worth of experience and hopefully some humor.
In this episode we talk about Father's Day and how it feels for those (like Mariska) who do not have a relationship with their father. We also discuss the back door benefits of hating your body and how that can "protect" you from taking risks.
At the end you get a plug for my group starting 8/4/24 for parents of juniors and seniors entering the college process:
https://app.joinforum.com/partnergrouppage/anxiety-free-college-planning-for-families-of-11th-12th-graders-gpid1800
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Mike Overlie of Authentic Mike (dogsandmen.com)Took me through a coaching session so I reflect on that, and the harrowing challenge of being a professional providing therapy when your dog releases toxic gas (sorry Mariska but the people need to know!)
Also, I announce a group I am running for parents of 11th and 12th graders on college planning starting 8/4/24. Spread the word!
• Group Name: Anxiety Free College Planning for Families of 11th-12th Graders
• Link: https://app.joinforum.com/partnergrouppage/anxiety-free-college-planning-for-families-of-11th-12th-graders-gpid1800
I hope to see you there!
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Mariska boycotts this pod until we get more positive reviews! In this episode we talk about where and how you can vent about your partner without it impacting their relationship with other people in your world. While that is our main point we start off with a good bit of information about Emotional Support Animals, and of course, Paws for Patrick.
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Trevor Brown and I partner up to answer some listener questions about getting ghosted by friends, managing family gatherings with too much alcohol and more.
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In this episode we beg for better reviews on apple podcasts and we discuss when not to forgive a relative for bad behavior.
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In this episode Mariska and I discuss making a plan for self improvement during the summer and why summer can be the best time to seek mental health treatment in a partial hospitalization program.
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in this episode Mariska recovers from her bath and we talk about boundaries with family members.
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In this episode Mariska and I share some tips about how to think about the process of finding and selecting colleges that families should consider. I deal with this challenge literally every work day as a social worker in public school where over 90% of graduates go to a four year college and I was a guidance counselor for five years of my career. Let me know if you want more college thoughts.
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In this brief episode Mariska and I talk about body dysmorphia and its secondary gains. To be frank we are also checking out new recording software so be patient with us.
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In this episode Marc Hans of the Think Differently Podcast has me on to talk mental health and Paws for Patrick. Mark's podcast is typically about design and so he has a unique perspective. In addition, we are old friends so it is a fun conversation.
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Josh Halu from PsycheX: PsycheX | Creating a world free of pain. Naturally
Josh joins Mariska and me to share his journey from suicide loss survivor, to West Point and a distinguished military career, through his own mental health struggles and now his founding of a company that helps connect who want to explore psychedelic treatment to options.
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In this episode Mariska and I talk about the impact of Ms. Yvonne on the lives of my boys when she was their day care teacher, and how she can be an example of how we can share love. Also how we can view legacy when we did not know a person completely.
Also a chance to weigh in on whether regular listeners of this show would like to be known as Mariskavites, Markiskateers, Team Maigler, or something else.
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In this episode Mariska and I explore options for how to react when a therapist hurts a clients feelings in session and how it feels from the therapists end of things.
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This week Mariska and I explore how to react when a parent's response to a request for help is to deny that the issue exists.
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In this episode Mariska and I share some dilemmas that my clients have been facing in communicating with their psychiatrists. We talk about why this happens and some work arounds.
In addition, some quick advice to bring up conversations with people you care about regarding loved ones they have lost.
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An update on Mariska's teeth, a request for advice from listeners about how they prepare for the end of a pets life, and some lessons from a couple of my clients on how conflict in a relationship can be a blessing and an enhancement to relationships.
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In this episode Mariska and I explore how to think about side effects you may be experiencing when starting a new medication and some ideas of what to do when you cannot fall asleep.
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Happy Boxing Day. In this last episode of 2023 Mariska and I give some tips for how to structure your journaling to act as a bit of a therapist to yourself. Also trigger warning in this episode I talk about hitting a rabbit when driving in my car and how that threatened to take me down a path of nasty magical thinking.
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In this episode Mariska and I discuss thinking differently about people who lie to us and why. We also talk about how to be a better manipulator of people, especially when we are manipulating them to help them.
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Mariska and I discuss the difference between trauma dumping and healthy sharing of traumatic information and experiences. We also touch briefly on the incredible importance of role models and how they can benefit us.
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In this episode Mariska and I discuss giving Tuesday, how to deal with the fear of very real illness concerns, and supporting people through the loss of beloved pets.
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Our most prestigious guest to date joins Mariska and I for an exploration of transcranial magnetic stimulation and Esketamine for treatment resistant depression. I have been so curious about both of these forms of treatment so to get an expert on both was incredible!
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Dr. Helen stops by for a chat with Mariska and I about how to navigate the stresses of corporate culture while dealing with mental health challenges.
About-Dr. Helen Ofosu-I/O Advisory Services-Coaching-HR (ioadvisory.com)
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What do you do if you are barely keeping it together and people ask you how you are doing? Mariska and I offer a couple of tips of how to respond in a way that is not a lie, but does not invite a lot of probing questions.
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Mariska and I talk about harassment of women again and the different ways people can feel violated. Trigger warning, episode contains a story of a person who has a violating experience on public transit.
We need to teach the 27/28 well meaning men how to Question, Support, and Interrupt to make sure that violence against women is a given that our society just accepts.
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Today I went to a continuing education seminar on sexual harassment (Mariska was not invited but she knows all she needs to about this topic). It made me reflect on how situations in my life and those of my clients and former students when interrupting sexual harassment was much easier said than done. There are no easy answers here, but maybe a lens on which to view it a little differently.
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In this episode Mariska and I take on the idea of being "behind" friends, and peers in the race of life. We discuss whether Jennifer Grey looked sexier before she "improved" her nose. We reveal the secret of confidence being born in the knowledge that no person has more or less value to this world than you do. I must warn you, Mariska is very passive aggressively licking her paws in this episode in a shameless plea for you to rate, review, and share the pod.
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Mariska and I share our full throated endorsement for Elliot Page's memoir PAGEBOY. I toss out the names of a few other celebrity memoirs I love but I spend some time delving into what I get from a celebrity memoir that helps me in expanding my empathy and awareness for more universal experiences. We also get into the challenges of how to feel open to new love when you have survived intimate partner violence or how to approach dating when you are a person who really values intimacy with sex. There is a trigger warning in this episode because the book talks about coercive sexual situations and I make references to that.
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Maurice Ducoing joins Mariska and I to help people in the working world, particularly corporate America, understand their value and how and why psychological safety is being emphasized as a means of preventing turn over and getting the best out of people.
https://www.linkedin.com/mauriceducoing
https://www.ducoinghcm.com
https://www.linkedin.com/company/ducoing-human-capital
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The podcast has been on a bit of a hiatus as I have been dealing with a stressful time of my own. In this episode I share how I decide what to share with clients and the podcast audience about my life and challenges. I also share what some of the coping skills that have been helping me are.
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Mariska thinks Mike Overlie might be our most intelligent guest so far. He helps men to open and up and connect with their feelings by working with them and their dogs at the same time. He has also set up a non-profit to help make this work more accessible to everyone. Home - Save Two
SpiritDog | Facebook | Linktree
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Louise Ashby shares how after losing her mother to cancer and her dream of an acting career to a horrific car accident that tore off half of her face and led to traumatic brain injury, she was able to not only endure the 28 surgeries and years of healing work (both physical and emotional) but embrace the new opportunities that came with it. She has dedicated her life to helping women and men who need to heal from any challenge and brings her experience and compassion as tools. Mariska was IMPRESSED and we think you will be too.
Coaching Concierge Club - Transformation Coaching, Mindset, Personal Power,, Personal Power Program, Group Coaching, Webinars, Free Tools, One on One Coaching, Motivational Speaking, (louiseashby.com)
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Mariska and I are joined by author and award winning marketing and communications professional shares how he has used his own mental health experiences to create multiple genres of writing and tips that others may want to follow if they would like to tap into their story.
please check out his website at Tyler Wittkofsky – Multi-Genre Author, Mental Health Blogger, and Podcaster
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Mariska and I are joined by Dr. Alexander Joannou who talks about the incredible mental health impact that transformational acupuncture can have. About Dr. Alex | Dr. Alex Joannou (stickittodepression.com)
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Mariska and I share a framework we use when we are making decisions and we go through a couple of examples for clients of mine who are facing dilemmas from child support payments to supporting a sibling in addictions treatment.
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Life Coach and author Colin Kingsmill visits with Mariska and me to talk about the how whole person coaching can help let go of feelings of unworthiness, develop our identity and achieve our goals.
https://colinkingsmill.com/
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Team Maigler Hall of Famer Damonique Richards joins Mariska and me on the podcast to share her experience of adoption and her volunteer work with Resilience where she helped support sexual assault survivors in the ER Home - Resilience (ourresilience.org)
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In this episode Mariska and I explore the challenges of being honest with doctors about marijuana use. We talk about being assertive in medical and romantic contexts and the dangers for a little old dog of staying in the moment too much.
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In this episode Mariska and I announce my new email dmaiglerlcsw@gmail.com, make a plug for watching/listening to the podcast on Youtube, and talk about how I've been managing a recent bout of death anxiety by using meditation apps like Lets Meditate and Atom, exercising, and reminding myself I've been through this before. We also talk about vasovagal syncope and how one can respond to that.
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Mariska and I welcome the incredible dog lover and dynamic CEO, clinician, and author, Audrey Grunst, on to discuss a different approach to therapy that is really accessible and useful for individuals, families, and clinicians.
To learn more check out her book:
Amazon.com: Become Aware: Personal Development Planner (Bee You Personal Development Planners: Bold Color Series): 9798599762812: Grunst, Audrey: Books
And follow Audrey and Simply Bee counseling for tons of great tips on mental health
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simplybeecounseling/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simplybeecounseling
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/simply-bee-counseling/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/simplybeecounseling
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Mariska and I were helping the brother of a student I lost to suicide decide if he wanted to become a public speaker to use his pain to help others. In this episode we talk about how to decide if you should share your story, and how. This episode will not be on Youtube. Currently only my episodes with guests are in the youtube feed. If you want me to change that email me to let me know.
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Dallas Goodlet joins Mariska and me to talk about the hole in his heart that came from being adopted (by a very good family) and how that led to addiction, depression, self loathing and his path to healing, and how he has turned walking into a refuge from temptation and a place to get clarity.
Home | Walk with me (thewalkking.com)
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Mariska and I finally get to talk to an EMDR practitioner! Becca Ferguson tells us about misconceptions and how EMDR actually works. In addition she is offering you 10% off of her mini courses with the code Not Allowed.
Check out Becca's website and courses: Online Courses, Workshops, & Group Therapy | Becca Ferguson, LPC (beccafergusonlpc.com)
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Dr. Praveena works with parental narcissistic abuse victims. She has created a framework known as the Narcissistic Victim Empowerment Technique (NVET) to help victims find the freedom from manipulating and controlling thoughts of toxic parenting. She joins Mariska and me to talk about how to overcome narcissistic parents and partners.
Check out her website: Home - Narcissistic Victim Empowerment Technique (NVET) (dr-praveena.com)
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Lately I have been wrestling with the appropriate time to push clients, question them, challenge them, encourage them, and/or just support them. As a therapist or a friend you want the people you talk to to feel comfortable and safe, but sometimes what a person needs to hear is not comfortable. In this episode Mariska and I delve into some of the challenges I have been facing in working with my clients to find what is appropriate for them each week. Sorry the audio quality is still not back to our old standards but it is improving.
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In this episode we explore several of my clients who are beating themselves up for not having their lives where they want them. Mariska and I hope to give them a way to reframe and have a little less self judgment.
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In this episode Mariska and I discuss some things to think about for therapists, clients, and anyone who is about to consider disclosing something or receiving disclosure of a memory that feels toxic and shameful to the person sharing it.
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Mariska and I get the chance to talk to Dana Slowinski, who has been teaching me about DBT for years. Dana is the co-founder of the Family Recovery Centers: https://familyrecoverycenters.com/
This is just a brief overview of DBT to learn more: https://depts.washington.edu/uwbrtc/our-team/marsha-linehan/
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When you or people you care about have had their safe space violated how do you not let yourself be consumed by anger and hate for the bullies who did it? In this episode Mariska and I discuss the violation of the privacy of the group room of the school where I work and how that impacts the kids who see that space as a refuge. Lots of references to my favorite movie It's a Wonderful Life.
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Ever wonder what a therapist is thinking after a client discloses that they made a suicide attempt? Mariska and I talk through my feelings after a recent disclosure.
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In this episode Mariska and I talk to author and support group leader Steve Wilson about living with bi-polar disorder for decades and how he has used his experiences to help others by leading support groups. It inspires me to see Steve's 50 year marriage and dedication to maintaining his mental health hygiene.
A link to his book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/teetering-on-a-tightrope-steven-w-wilson/1142967489
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Mariska and I were elated to talk with Nate Gates host of Altered States of Context podcast, to talk about misconceptions and things to consider at the intersection of mental health and psychedelics. I am a genuinely big fan of Nate's perspective and feel like I always learn a lot from him.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/altered-states-of-context/id1574529959
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Mariska and I summarize what several of my clients have been struggling with this week including chronic pain, chronic non-suicidal depression, and writing a victim impact statement for a judge. We also touch at the end of a different way to view Valentines Day as perhaps a reason to celebrate the end of the HOLIDAYS.
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In this episode Mariska and I discuss some things to consider when thinking about calling Child Protective Services (or Department of Children and Family Services in Illinois 1800-25-ABUSE). Never a fun thing to have to consider BUT if you do don't be afraid to consult with us.
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Mariska and I explore a number of mental health topics and treatments with Erik DaRosa, co-host of the Survivor to Thriver mental health podcast. Erik shares a great deal about his struggles with OCD, among other things, and his Equilateral Triangle of Healing with Western medicine on one side, Eastern approaches to healing on another, and nature therapy as a third (there is a reason why they call him the Ski Sherpa). Truly a lot to learn from Erik.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/from-survivor-to-thriver/id1551758201
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What do you do when someone upsets you but it isn't their fault and there is no one to blame? Mariska and I explore a couple dilemmas my students are facing AND we get pretty assertive in asking you to not just rate and review, but also FOLLOW and RECOMMEND the podcast.
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Eric Daddario joins Mariska and I to share his experience of losing his younger brother to a drug overdose and how that led him to a path of public speaking to young people and college hockey teams.
Learn more about Eric and the Herren Project:
https://thedecisionswemake.com/
https://herrenproject.org/
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My emotions are not supposed to come in to sessions, but when one of my clients gets treated really poorly by a trusted friend I make a mistake and give advice rather than listening and offering possible options for her to decide what is best for herself. Listen in to hear the background and learn what rule 29 is.
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Mariska and I talk to Dr. Masha Hojat-Khoshniyat of Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching https://www.heal-thrive.com
She talks about how her experience immigrating from Iran, becoming a therapist, and working with populations from abused children to inmates in the correctional system led her to feel like something was missing in helping people to heal. That something turned out to be a deeper dive into the clients past pain that they can often only get through psychotherapy. Mariska and I are big believers that psychotherapy is an incredibly valuable tool for some people that is really misunderstood in todays push for quick answers.
Dr. Masa also wants to bring attention to the fight for basic human rights currently being suppressed in Iran. In addition, her most crucial message is that there is hope for everyone. Even really "successful" people who are feeling less fulfilled than they could be can find help in therapy and if other modalities have not unlocked what you are looking for it might be time for psychotherapy.
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Mariska and I wind down 2022 with some thoughts on connection related to dating. Thinking of this time of year as one to be softly open but saving the grand opening for spring. We wish you gratitude, awe, and healthy paws as you leave 2022 behind and head into 2023.
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I subscribe to over 100 podcasts. On this episode I read my list and give you one sentence about each. Here is the list I can fit.
99% invisible, Atlas Obscura, The Al Franken Podcast, Think Differently, Impact Theory, The Dungeoncast, The Life and Times of Frederick the Great, Fantasy Footballers Podcast, The NPR politics Podcast, Bears Insider Podcast, What Roman Mars can Learn about Constitutional Law, This Job is History, My Favorite Murder, Just Breath: Parenting your LGBTQIA Teen, Not Another D&D Podcast, Articles of Interest, Harris Football Podcast, Spitballers Comedy Podcast, Lord of the Rings Lorecast, Pardon My Take, Revolutions, Heavyweight, Our Fake History, Fantasy Focus Football ESPN, bananas, Tides of History, Hidden Brain, Real Men Feel, Love Life with Matthew Hussey, Based on a True Story, American Scandal, Will be Wild, The Sick podcast with Adam Rank,The Leftover Pieces, Luvbites with Dr. Tara, The Trojan Horse Affair, Starve the Ego Feed the Soul, Queer As Fact, Warlords of History, Altered States of Context, ArtCurious, A Slight Change of Plans, Savage Lovecast, Where Should We Begin, The Happiness Lab, Stuff the British Stole, Unread, ADHD for Smart Ass Women, View from the Cheap Seats, Outside/In, This American Life, Notes from America, Intelligence Squared U.S. Debates, When Diplomacy Fails, Science Vs, Strict Scrutiny, The Last Archive, LIfe After Suicide, This Day in Esoteric Political HIstory, This is Love, Over the Road, Swindled, Ear Hustle, Sidedoor, Cautionary Tales with Tim Harford, 30 for 30 podcasts, The memory Palace, Shat at the Movies, Criminal, Inside Trader Joes, People Fixing the World, Every Little Thing, The Anthropocene Reviewed, Reveal, The Moth, Trump Inc, Revisionist History, Money Talks from the Ecconomist, The Koy Pond with Jo Koy, The Allusionist, How To Save a Planet, Without Fail, Planet Money, Up First, How I Built This with Guy Raz, Code Switch, Invsibilia, Throughline, Embedded, Rough Translation, The Indicator from Planet Money, Against the Rules with Michael Lewis, The History of Rome, Serial, S-Town, The Big Red Bus, First Draft, I Said no Gifts, Kick Back: The global anti corruption podcast, Unlocking Us: Brene Brown, Start Up Podcast, Reply All, If I were You, Nancy, Dare to Lead: Brene Brown
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At long last my son Ryan joins Mariska and I to talk about how to tell when video games are becoming a problem, healthy hobbies, and stress management.
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Hospice is a really scary term for what can be a truly beautiful opportunity. In this episode Mariska and I (with my awful I have a mild cold voice) explore hospice, how it works, and how to reframe it.
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Mariska and I welcome back our first repeat guest, Talia, who talks about difficult aspects of getting treatment for physical health issues while also having mental health challenges. Talia doesn't sugar coat it or make this process feel easy, because it isn't, but she shares an important message of strong self advocacy and hope. If you have ever felt anxiety walking into a doctor's office because you fear you won't be truly heard, this is a must listen.
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In this episode Mariska and give a positive plug for the documentary Stutz on Netflix, and talk about some tips for getting through the holidays for people with eating issues and tips to support teens and treat them how they want to be treated.
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In this episode Mariska and talk to writer, podcast host, parenting mentor, and LGBTQIA super ally Heather Hester. We discuss how to not freak out about your kid dating an older person and how to handle the holidays and family members in different places in their level of support.
Check out her website at: https://chrysalismama.com/
And her podcast at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/just-breathe-parenting-your-lgbtq-teen/id1486711596
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Mariska and I make a bold declaration of being grossed out by both political parties but particularly the Republicans. We make an appeal for listeners to think of fairness as everyone getting what they need and asking themselves which candidates are supporting that and other values that align with supporting mental health.
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In this episode Mariska and I discuss body dysmorphia and dysphoria and ways in which they can protect us from accepting ourselves and the love of others.
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In this episode Mariska and I share our feelings about losing another one of my former students to suicide and how we, as a society, need to do a better job of taking mental health into account as we build our expectations for school, work, etc...
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In this episode Mariska is cross with me for not promoting our instagram notallowedtodiepod and we talk with Nita Sweeney, award winning author of Make Every Move a Meditation. This is a really fun conversation that makes meditation and exercise both feel like they are for everyone.
https://nitasweeney.com/
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Mariska and I get a ray of light in what is generally considered a dark topic. Marie Alessi shares her experience of building a movement around letting people know while it is ok to not be ok, it is also ok to heal and feel times of joy in your sadness.
https://www.mariealessi.com
https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Life-after-Marie-Alessi/dp/B08RX65LXG
https://www.instagram.com/loving.life.after.loss/?hl=en
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Mariska and I ask questions of author and former Social Security internal lawyer who reviewed thousands of cases to find out how the system works with regard to getting SSA benefits for a mental health disability. This is a must listen (and a book you should really read) if you or a family member may ever need to get Social Security disability. https://www.bishinspublishing.com/
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Mariska and I chat with the inspirational Anissa Hudak about how Yoga can be used in direct ways to help heal from trauma and PTSD. Anissa shares her own story and demonstrates how Yoga can be safe and accessible to anyone. If you have ever thought Yoga was not for you, or your trauma was too scary to touch, this is a must listen.
Check out her website for more info: https://www.traumahealingyoga.com/
Anissa referred to IAYT https://www.iayt.org/ during our chat. So also check out their website for more resources.
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In this episode I discuss the trite but helpful sayings that provide me with perspective and help get me through tough workouts and tougher days. Also we promote the launch of https://www.instagram.com/notallowedtodiepod/ That's right the instagram account you have all been waiting for.
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In this episode Mariska and I talk to Kristen who is a mother of three and Team Maigler Hall of Famer about managing the challenges of pregnancy, post partum, breast feeding, etc... and how each of them impact mental health.
Mental Health in pregnancy
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/treatments-and-wellbeing/mental-health-in-pregnancy
Post partum psychosis
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/postpartum-psychosis
Post-natal depression
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/post-natal-depression
Nami Support line
https://www.namichicago.org/mental-health-support-options
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Mariska and I are re-united and I explore how the term suicide prevention can be problematic and hurtful.
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In this episode Mariska and I interview Eleanor, a therapist and school social worker, about how she navigated childhood and her ongoing life with her severely mentally ill Mother.
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I experiment with Logic pro for a choppy recording, (please forgive me) and explore Cognitive Processing Therapy.
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In this episode we discuss my trip to Minnesota where I had to flee from gun shots and decide if it was too soon for humor in a lock down situation. Also when can we laugh when a person we care about dies?
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Andy Grant from Real Men Feel http://realmenfeel.org/ joins Mariska and I to talk about how to push through when depression returns, AND advice for family and friends about how to support people who are experiencing a depressive episode.
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In this episode I explore the dangers of not fighting in relationships and how that can be more unhealthy than fighting frequently if we do so fairly. Also how do we learn how to fight fair. Plus Mariska grooms herself.
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Everything you ever wanted to know about Partial Hospitalization Programs with our first ever guests on the podcast, Talia and Natalie. These Team Maigler Hall of Famers share their experiences in PHPs and some special guest input from Stanley, Natalie's dog.
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In this episode I explore how to talk to kids about the shooting in Highland Park Illinois and the function guilt plays in helping us manage our grief but also how to let go of that guilt that does not belong to us.
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In this episode Mariska and I explore empathy and if it can be taught.
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Major history is unfolding everyday. 100 years from now how will you want to be remembered? What causes will matter for you and how will you get involved? The Supreme Court has been on a very conservative tear lately and a new underground railroad for women seeking healthcare may need to develop. In this episode we explore this idea and the greatness of the film Everything Everywhere All at Once.
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Some reflections on Father's Day and what to do if we are lacking some of the relatives we need for support.
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In this podcast Mariska and I try to manipulate you into believing that social work is the best discipline for a therapist so if you are deciding what kind of grad school to attend, or shopping for a clinician, our biased opinion is social work is the tops.
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In this episode Mariska and I discuss what it is like when you do not get a chance to say goodbye and how to manage some of those feelings. I end the episode in a coughing fit, but don't worry I'm ok.
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In this episode I talk about how to determine whether or not to tell the truth to parents about hard things, from relapse to finding out about infidelity. Also an update on Mariska and her potential steroid use/abuse.
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In this episode I discuss how to combat the desire to be preachy and give advice when you are talking to people who you think might be on their way to a bad decision.
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In this episode we explore what makes Mariska's tummy ache, my thoughts on the book 13 reasons why, and how a client created her own multiple choice quiz to share her trauma experience.
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Follow the link to my guest appearance on The Leftover Pieces podcast where I talk about the many ways suicide has impacted me personally and professionally: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5YfQbBNvraVqO1TxMJq8eZ?si=OLRyVqNpS5ei5j25R2XtBg&utm_source=copy-link
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This week Mariska and I explore the ideas behind personality inventories like Myers Briggs (I'm and ENFP according to Truity) and Enneagrams (I'm an 8). While these can be fun, we also have to keep space in life for people to change and develop whether that is with ADHD, Autism Spectrum Perspectives, or gender.
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Mariska and I rant about the culture wars and how people using the trans female athlete debate in a way that really hurts trans people. We talk about how to inform well meaning people about when their perspective is hetero-sexist.
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In this show I begin by endorsing Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart series on HBO Max. Then I lament how I hesitate to share it more broadly out of fear of being labeled as "woke" or an SJW (social justice warrior), which is a shame as we should embrace being an ally and not be afraid to share it. Then I dive into the dilemma of mixed signals from friends and how to respond to them. Mariska chimes in with some passive aggressive paw licking to shame you into rating and reviewing.
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Some friendships are so strong they need a different name. I have never seen men have one so I associate them most with women. What happens when one of these fryndships (a non romantic love bond stronger than even a powerful typical friendship) dies. How does a person learn to open again and can that be a trauma?
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Is good the enemy of great when it comes to relationships? In this episode I explore some things I encourage clients to think about when they are trying to determine if a relationship can be improved or if we should leave and move on. The 3 F's of what don't work in change, and the 4 R's of what we need to do to change get reviewed here as well. Also, Mariska gets pretty manipulative to get you to rate and review.
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In this episode we explore how to stop gas lighting yourself, consume the hard medicine of negative feedback, and define that you can achieve.
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This week I had three clients whose partners (who all happened to be male) just left and were not willing to even try to work on the relationship. This is a podcast in a little of the why that can lead to a partner choosing to just leave.
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In this episode I talk about the bravery of one of my students calling me out when I mis-gendered him on the podcast. How to react to negative feedback and learn from it. I also talked about the joy of starting a new group at my school and how I hope it will go.
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What do you do if a friend says something scary and they are not responding?! We go through some of the steps and options in this episode. Plus how to handle getting cut from badminton.
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One of my clients was reminding me the major impact that parents cheating can have on the kids. This episode is an exploration of that.
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If you ever do dumb things and want to stop, this episode explores how we figure out what we are getting from those behaviors and how to find other ways of meeting those needs. There is also a surprise interruption (or two) in this episode and some reveal of how the Not Allowed to Die podcast is made.
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This is a toe dip into the waters of how to get supports from schools and a bit from the perspective of the school. I have a lot more to say on this topic since this is my primary gig, but the episode was running long so if you have questions please send them along.
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TRIGGER WARNING! In this episode I react to the death of my 26 year old nephew by suicide on 1/24/22. It may be difficult to listen to so if this is a topic you find triggering please skip this one. I share my personal experience of dealing with this overwhelming situation. Hopefully there will be something useful in it.
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Does being an adult suck? Does it have to? What does it even mean?
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What do you do if you do not share the faith of the person you are dating? How does this impact how you will raise your children? Can atheists and Christians find common ground?
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What do you do when you have a family member that may be toxic to others. How do you warn people to steer clear?
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Most of us stink at prioritizing self care, in today's podcast I talk about some tips of how to work self care into your day in ways that are realistic and sustainable.
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Depression is more than just a parasite, it is something our brain uses to shut us down. Why? What is the allure of hopelessness? How do I sometimes benefit from things that I feel I hate and really want to change.
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I am far from an expert in any of these areas but I offer a few thoughts on my lens in which I view analyzing and interpreting areas where our subconscious may be sharing more than our conscious mind is ready to express.
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In this episode I discuss how to determine if you should commit the time and financial resources to therapy or just work things out on your own. Also I give my views on remote therapy options like BetterHelp and Talk Space (not sponsors...yet).
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Many of my clients are feeling disappointed that they cannot get excited for the holidays. This is a brief episode about how to set appropriate expectations for how we may feel during the holidays.
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Why do we go back to partners that kinda sucked? This episode is an exploration of the draw of a partner who has already let us down so many times that they can't really disappoint us anymore (or can they?). I close with some tips on how to help people we care about who keep returning to unhealthy relationships.
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This weekend I went to two funerals for people who died before their time due to complications from dementia and/or alzheimer's. I share some observations about how grieving can be different in cases when there is a death after a long illness or when a person was struggling and the complex feelings that can create.
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Self Injury is typically not life threatening it is an unhealthy coping skill. We often use impulse control logs to treat them. The segments of the log are: time, place, location, trigger, feeling, want to feel, options tried, result.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/471279.Bodily_Harm
That is a link to the book Bodily Harm, referenced in the episode.
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Some things teens hate and some ways to get them chatting.
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In this episode I explore how to determine if you can fix your relationship with your therapist or if it is time to move on.
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In this episode I break down the continuum of mental health support from chatting with friends to residential treatment and the factors that might lead a person to need a higher or less intense level of care.
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In this episode I reflect on a conversation with a brilliant client of mine who challenged my way of thinking of eating disorders as an addiction. This led to a number of other reflections on how we view and treat all of these Toxic Partnerships, some of which are addictions. Also I change my term for eating disorders to Food Fixation Disorders because I think that creates a more appropriate focus on what the treatment will be.
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A former client asked me some questions about her a-sexuality. Some musings on my responses and some Seinfeld references.
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Some reflections on how a lack of sex positivity leads to sexual assault and women being afraid to assert themselves. The main theme is how we need to stop teaching young men to look for consent and instead to look for enthusiasm.
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In this episode I explore some concepts related to Emotional Support Animals and talk about Paws for Patrick and how we connect people to ESAs.
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In this episode I dive into some of the challenges my trans students were venting about this week.
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In this episode I go through many of the things I say over and over and over to my clients. We explore the function of negativity and how to avoid it.
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Some thoughts on how we need to apply what we know about grief to relationships and a run through of the 6 stages of grieving and how they relate.
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In this episode I explore a dilemma a client was having with whether or not to continue in a relationship. I compare and contrast a healthy vs unhealthy way a partner should react when confronted with a request for change.
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Every therapist has a number of theoretical perspectives that they draw from in their work. One that speaks to me most strongly is Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. In this podcast I give a very brief explanation of some of the concepts of the approach and how I use it in my work.
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In this episode I explore the 4 main communication styles: Aggressive, Passive, Assertive and Passive Aggressive and the pros and cons of each of them. We also explore the difference between winning an argument and winning a conversation.
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I made this episode immediately after listening to the Unread podcast by Chris Stedman. You can find it on apple podcasts, I heart radio, or on Spotify. This is a 4 episode podcast where the creator shares his story of getting an email from a good friend after his friend has died by suicide. Included in an audio file are some of his friend's conversations with a woman called Alice, who may or may not be Britney Spears. This podcast is powerful and intense and it made me physically uncomfortable and gave me all the feelings. I felt it was incredibly well done and I encourage you to listen to it but be warned that it will take you on an emotional journey.
https://chrisstedmanwriter.com/unread/?__cf_chl_jschl_tk__=2590eba7d7c081c9e304bf1c5137b55ec72d4cdb-1625869120-0-AcTPS8UDIm0rOu9Tgji0Q5X-hUxpCv79jTbU8CsOTGDdK9RKSjV1JPimivZqJ-vl3jo27u4bVdfnGmvPSO2wSpUYVXYpdjSmbIrAwQAQWAbE_UEjAkKJqN8l7iSi5NcV0IBBnxjlZydSY2O5lHf1MhLJCkUyI-bQIoaV7Q8JSf6zWL55Uv1v07AOhsYDN61Esrb3U1sAMnjJ6YaQxVVmoGVJAU9_4e-rbNhy9400ZRqJ_oIwlBSzfbLMCmCk45_1qhv1iohxG0OyGJP5t8FpTGkz0phH34D4NpUEOG2vyVMlp4Sq8cRzXTa-DQMldtH8aHK1jzq11H_sHiI3YoZuDz2OfYdr7mniDc4B-MpWBP3KOAl4hUOiCfvuoJZg2cj65kBa5x2ODjO2O0x2_g9D5Nc
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In this episode I pontificate on a former client's question of how do I leave all the nasty stories and fears for my clients at the office and not bring them home with me? I share some perspectives that have helped me as well as the secret benefits of my ADHD in not obsessing about my clients lives when I'm at home.
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I respond to a Quora question: Should people date around in high school. I share some thoughts about why that is important and beneficial.
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