Greetings from the other side of the mind! That’s right, Rodney and me are finally back from our bi-yearly trip to ExoticaFest. Nothing like 10 days in the Arizona desert to help you lose your ego. I have to tell you, I lost mine at least 7 times in these past 10 days, and only twice to Rodney. The other 5 times were to a nice older couple with teardrop tattoos. They even gave me one, but I rubbed it off after taking the peyote suppository Aston gave me. Yeah, Aston came too. Speaking of Aston, he insisted on wearing that gay sparkly T-shirt thing ALL FRIGGIN WEEK!!! I told him it was gay, but he didn’t seem to mind. He also put more of that glitter cream on his dick. Despite Aston, I did have tons of fun. I saw all my favorite bands and independent performance artists. I saw Puddin’ Stone, Captain Starlight, Rascal Flats, and The Amazing Giant Rainbow Machine. The Amazing Giant Rainbow Machine wasn’t as cool as it sounds. Yes, it was a machine that made a rainbow, but you really couldn’t call it a giant rainbow. It was only about 30 feet tall, which is tall, but most rainbows are tons bigger than that. This one did have a pot ‘o gold at the end, so to speak, but I really don’t see what was so great about it. I didn’t come to freaking ExoticaFest to take a damn shower, even if the water was kind of yellow. Of course, Aston was really excited to get his golden shower. Don’t worry, we all made the obvious jokes and made him feel sufficiently humiliated for wussing out and taking a shower. But he can’t fucking take a joke so he spread shit all over my damn nose while I was passed out from those pills the guy with the sailor’s hat gave me, and, of course, the only damn shower was the one at the damn end of the damn Amazing Giant Rainbow Machine. Believe me, I didn’t want to, but I had to get that asshole’s shit off my nose, so I took a shower. I’d love to say that the water tasted like chocolate and I came out covered in gold, but it tasted kind of like piss. I’m sure it was just the gold coloring they put in the water. Aston told me that it was, in fact, piss they were using and that he had donated his piss but that it was mostly horse piss. I don’t believe that shit, though. Would the lead singer of Rascal Flats take a shower in pee? I don’t think so. He was in there while I was and he totally pointed out what he thought was some shit on my dick, but it was just a mole. He even tried to wipe it off for me. He’s really nice. Anyway, next time he’s in town I’m going to let him chill at my apartment. In return he’s going to take me to this place called The Players Retreat. Have you guys heard of it? It’s his favorite bar when he come to Raleigh. Anyway, I’m still getting over all the fun I’ve had this past week and a half, so I’m going to end this now. I’m going to Sadlacks to get a warm cheese sandwich. I hear they have cheddar now.