How To Empathize and Keep Your Boundaries In Three Steps

Empathy in codependency often causes a person to violate their own boundaries or allow unhealthy behavior to continue with an individual.

Boundaries often feel harsh and conflicting while also empathizing with the pain that a person may be expressing in an ineffective way.

Use these three steps to empathize with a person while keeping your boundaries:

1) Recognize and name the pain you see they're expressing

2) Express care and understanding about the pain

3) Establish or state the boundary

An Example:

Context: Person A is upset that Person B told them no in response to a request for time personal time with them and Person A called Person B a a name.

Person B: I see you're hurt and upset about me saying no. I totally understand how that feels. It really sucks.

And if you call me names, I'll step away from this conversation till you've worked through the emotions you're feeling. I'm here to listen, but I am not here to be treated that way.

Notice that the pain that Person A has is validated, understood, and witnessed while the behavior is what is boundaried. This separation helps the person understand that their feelings are valid, but certain behaviors are not tolerated by Person B.

You can empathize while also establishing the behavior you will tolerate and not tolerate.

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