Theoretical Physicist: “Look, we’ve been through this many times. The world has changed. We’re not living in the dark ages anymore. There are more scientists alive today than in the entire history of the human race. Accidental discoveries are over. We must focus our efforts on well-defined tasks. As you know, experimental physics is no longer conducted by a lone scientist working late into the night in their home laboratory. We now have international teams of scientists working with multi-million dollar lab equipment. We can’t afford to grope around blindly in the dark, hoping to discover new things.”

Experimental Physicist: “Fine. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Well, now that I’m here, what’s your request?” 

TP: “Strings. Vibrating strings. That is what you need to look for.” 

EP: “Ah, well, as luck would have it, I’m going to the symphony tonight!” 

TP: “Very funny. Look, I’m serious. You’re not making any progress on proving my version of string theory, which is clearly the correct model of the universe. It’s so elegant.” 

EP: “Yes, I’m humbled by your genius. But, my dear colleague, what exactly am I searching for? Your requests are too vague. I need specifics. I live in the real world, not in the imaginary worlds you create with your pencil and paper.” 

TP: “Well, for starters, you need more energy. Higher collision speeds. Bigger particle accelerators.” 

EP: “Then write to your congresswoman for more funding. The last time I checked, you wanted an accelerator that has a bigger diameter than the entire earth. How exactly am I supposed to do that?”