I had long regarded one of my classes in college as incredibly hectic due to how difficult I felt the requirements were. We were tasked to write research papers based on topics that the professor would approve, but this was a language course, so I expected that the focus would be on the language side of things. But my professor assigned me a topic that was very difficult to work on, and it took me an incredibly long time to collect the amount of academic references he expected from me.
I then began to think: perhaps this professor was just another academic with unrealistic expectations. Insults began circling my head, and looking back at it, these were behaviors that I am not proud of. I always go back to Mathew 15:11 – it is not what enters one’s mouth that defiles that person; but what comes out of the mouth is what defiles one. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t say them outright, but the fact that those thoughts had already formed in my head, that is already telling of my character.
I consulted my father about the situation and realized that perhaps the professor, in his decades’ worth of teaching experience, had already estimated the average number of references to be expected from the typical research topics assigned to students.
I originally wanted a different topic, but we were required to come up with backup ideas so the professor could have options to approve for us. And so he chose one of my backup topics, because he felt that it was more in line with my background and was potentially a more accessible field of study than the others. And it just so happened that my topic in particular was more difficult to find academic references for compared to my classmates’ topics, since all of our approved research directions were visible to our peers.
I realize now that this professor probably was not expecting this kind of outlier, nor could he have predicted that level of difficulty for my topic, since his job was to make sure that our mastery of language was appropriate in the academic setting, and not be a direct consultant for all fields of study, seeing as students from all degree programs could join this class. Therefore, I should have realized that it was not really my professor’s fault that I am having a difficult time. There was no need to think badly of him solely because of what I was going through.
I now see that these are roots of misunderstanding that we sometimes fail to see: unclear expectations, incorrect assumptions, hasty generalizations. By failing to see that we have misunderstood situations, we might find ourselves slowly beginning to form resentment, especially when considerable distance exists – or even grows – between us and the other person.
Going forward, maybe it is healthier to instead look for all the possible reasons why we might be having difficult times, or all possible venues for misunderstanding. Are other people’s expectations actually unreasonable, hence warranting the need for dialogue? Or did we just happen to have a mismatch of expectations? There are many questions that can and maybe should be asked, because I am of the belief that we should at least try to understand a situation as best as we can to avoid escalating into conflict.
So let’s try our best to manage our expectations, and be as understanding of others as we humanly can.
Music used: Inawashiro by Crownie Lofi
https://www.youtube.com/c/CrownieMusic