For me, binge eating and weight shame became one big distraction. Which is weird to think about, but let me explain. All of my coping, all of my numbing was to avoid the true pain that was there. And that pain just wanted to be acknowledged and processed, it wanted to be known, felt and allowed. But the minute it would show up, food, bingeing and dieting distractions would derail me from the real work that needed to be done. It got to the point where every time I would experience pain, I would find a way to blame it on my weight. Everything was because I wasn’t thin or toned enough. Instead of feeling the very true, very real painful emotions of heartbreak, betrayal, loneliness, fear, disappointment, my brain would want to distract. It would focus on if I were thin, none of this pain would be as bad. Which I know might sound odd to normal eaters, but that’s how our minds often works when we suffer from disordered eating. My entire struggle with food, weight and bingeing was one big distraction from the real pain that was there.

Taking the edge off, when done over and over, repeatedly and wholeheartedly, to the point where you can’t stop. To the point where you obsess, is often where addiction shows up. I don’t necessarily mean to say that you can be addicted to food, but I think there are addictive thought patterns and behaviors that we exhibit because we’re just too afraid or too distracted or too whatever to be in our own pain.

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