Today I wanted to chat about owning our needs. And this is important when it comes to binge eating recovery because so often, bingeing food is a coping strategy to numb from the discomfort and pain of our unmet and often, unknown needs. We regularly don’t even know our needs, much less how to meet them. Frequently, my clients will binge food and not even know why they’re doing it because they’re feeling quote “fine.” But really, what’s happening is that they’re so disconnected from their Self, they don’t know what they need or how to meet those needs. As I often say, binge eating isn’t actually about the food. We all have needs and when they’re not met, it’s uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful. So my hope with this week’s episode is to shed some light on the types of needs we have and how to meet them, so we don’t feel as compelled to turn to food to numb from the discomfort of ignoring those needs.

The thing is, we’re typically better at knowing and meeting other people’s needs, more than our own. Especially if you’re socialized as a woman. There’s kind of this virtuous quality of selflessness that I referred to in a previous episode. And the fact that our society made it virtuous for a woman to lose her sense of Self is devastating. But part of getting our sense of Self back, is by knowing our needs, prioritizing them, and ultimately meeting them.

A lot of us were taught that our needs were less valuable than others. That we should make sure everyone else is happy and satisfied; if they are, we were somehow more likable or a quote “good” friend/sister/daughter/mom/wife/partner. Which is where it gets a little convoluted, because, in a way, abandoning our needs to be accepted and liked, is, well meeting a need ?: Our need for secure attachment and connection.. And while it feels like we’re getting our attachment and connection needs met when we gain others approval by prioritizing their needs above our own, it’s only met on the surface. But this pathway to gaining acceptance negates a bunch of our other needs, like authenticity and having a sense of true identity. I’ll get more into the details around our universal core needs, but it’s important to note that each of us has our own set of needs, and learning what’s most important to you can be really helpful in establishing a secure connection with your Self as well as your loved ones.

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