Today we’re talking about strategy #3 in our four part series on four strategies for dating successfully with a disability. Strategy 3 is about looking at how you communicate about your disability. And I’m not just talking about disclosing your disability. Check out episode 12 for that.

Today I want to discuss how do you talk about your disability in general. Is it positive? Affirming? How do you feel when you talk about your disability?

This is an important indicator for potential dates. I remember one of the first dates I went on as a young teenager was with another person with Cerebral Palsy. My biggest takeaway from that date was not liking how much he seemed to focus on what he could not do. Even before I was able to understand how we all put out a certain kind of energy, I knew I didn’t want to around that energy. When I came home and my mom asked how the date was, I told her definitely that I would not be going on another date with that person.

What’s Your Communication Strategy?

Do you have a communication strategy for talking about your disability? It’s important to have one. Here’s mine. Sometimes I’ll have people ask me what’s wrong with me. I always reframe this right away because there’s not a thing wrong with me. Well, my husband and son my disagree with me on that, but you know what I mean. The fact that my physical body has Cerebral Palsy does not indicate anything wrong. It’s merely a condition of my body. Me reframing that for people is a communication strategy of mine.

I always recommend talking about your disability in the most natural way. Brainstorm some conversation topics about your life and what interests you. These topics will come in handy as you have initial conversations with potential dates and while on initial dates.

Some topics can include family, friends, hobbies, work, and recreational interests.

Think about how you can include your disability in a natural way into the conversation.

Putting It Into Practice

• An example is past stories of how your family and friends support you as a person with a disability.
• Are there perhaps funny stories of how people in you life figured out how to make an impromptu accommodation for you or advocated for you?
• It’s important that you share what you're comfortable with.
• Develop your own strategy for figuring out when it feels right for you to talk on the phone and/or meet in person.
• How do you want someone to have the "full effect" of you?
• If, after a couple of exchanges, someone doesn’t bring up your disability, begin to talk about it.
• Don't ignore the elephant in the room.

Where Do We Go From Here?

• Brainstorm positive ways you can bring your disability into the conversation.
• It can be as simple as "So how are you doing with my disability?" or "What do you want to know about it?”
• If they don’t know what to ask, offer some background information.
• Download the Free download - Communicate Boldly and Positively About Your Disability guide in the show notes.

Resources

• Free download - Communicate Boldly and Positively About Your Disability
• You can also get the entire Four Strategies for Successful Dating with a Disability Workshop, along with the extensive resource guide that comes with it and takes you through applying each strategy, for just $27 at the link in the show notes.

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