The Rising Beyond Podcast: Recent Episodes

Sybil Cummin, MA, LPC, ACS

Are you ready to thrive as you are coming out of a toxic or abusive relationship? Join Sybil Cummin, a licensed professional counselor who has specialized in working with victims and survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse for over a decade and runs a membership community for women on their healing journey. On this podcast, you will finally feel understood and your experience will be validated as you learn what you can do to feel better, heal and thrive.

Leaving an abusive relationship is only the beginning.

For many survivors, the legal system becomes the next obstacle, especially when financial abuse, intimidation, and limited access to legal representation leave them trying to navigate family court alone.

I'm talking with Heather Bellino from the Texas Advocacy Project to discuss the often-overlooked civil legal needs of survivors and the systemic gaps that continue to put families at risk. Although Texas Advocacy Project serves survivors in Texas, the themes discussed apply to communities across the United States.

We explore how coordinated community responses, trauma-informed legal advocacy, and increased collaboration between professionals can improve both safety and access to justice.

We discuss:

The difference between criminal and civil legal remedies for survivors
Why protective orders, custody, and family court often determine a survivor's immediate safety
Why abuse must be understood as a pattern of coercive control, not isolated incidents
How stalking and coercive control are frequently minimized when viewed one event at a time
The importance of trauma-informed judges, evaluators, and court professionals
Why passing new legislation is only the first step—and why implementation matters
The role of court watchers in increasing accountability and transparency
How Texas Advocacy Project helps survivors who must represent themselves in court (pro se)
Why knowing your legal rights can be empowering after coercive control
The importance of coordinated community responses rather than organizations working in silos
Why funding survivor services is essential to long-term systemic change

Survivors shouldn't have to navigate complex legal systems alone. When professionals collaborate, communities invest in survivor-centered services, and systems understand coercive control as a pattern rather than isolated incidents, families have a far greater chance of finding both safety and justice.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
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...

You left the relationship. You're rebuilding your life. You're even trying to reconnect with friends.

So why does every interaction leave you questioning everything?

In this Friday Coaching Corner, I answer a listener question from a survivor who wants connection but finds herself constantly analyzing whether people are genuine, worrying about how she showed up, and struggling to trust her own judgment.

Questions We'll Explore

How do I know the difference between discernment and hypervigilance?
Why do I replay conversations and judge myself so harshly afterward?
How do I rebuild trust without becoming naive?

We'll talk about the impact of coercive control and isolation on trust, why your nervous system may still be scanning for danger, and how trust is rebuilt one safe relationship at a time.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

What do you do when the outcome you feared actually happens?

What happens when you've lost time with your children, the professionals who were supposed to protect them didn't listen, and you're wondering how you're supposed to keep going?

This is one of the heaviest episodes I've ever recorded—but it's also one of the most important.

Too often, survivors are told to "stay positive" or "everything happens for a reason." But that's not what hope looks like after coercive control, systemic betrayal, or devastating family court outcomes.

In this episode, I talk honestly about the hopelessness many protective parents experience, including suicidal thoughts that can arise after prolonged trauma and loss. More importantly, we explore what research tells us about hope—and why hope is not passive optimism. Hope is something we build one small step at a time.

If you've ever wondered whether you'll make it through this season, I hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone.

We discuss:

The difference between optimism and hope—and why the distinction matters.
Why toxic positivity can feel invalidating after trauma.
The grief that many protective parents carry after family court and post-separation abuse.
How focusing on what is within your control can restore a sense of agency.
Why breaking overwhelming goals into smaller steps builds hope.
The importance of community and allowing others to hold hope for you when you can't.
Why purpose can exist alongside pain.
Practical ways to nurture hope, even when circumstances haven't changed.

If this episode resonated with you, please consider sharing it with another protective parent who may need to hear that they are not alone.

If this episode brought up thoughts of suicide or you feel like you may be in immediate emotional danger, please don't go through this alone. Here are some resources.

United States & Canada

Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day.
Chat online through the 988 Lifeline website.

International Suicide Hotlines and Resources https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

Colorado recently signed HB26-1309 into law, and many survivors and protective parents are asking what it actually means for families navigating family court.

I break down what I am learning about HB26-1309, a bill focused on domestic violence, coercive control, and child safety in Colorado family courts.

While some headlines make it sound like family court has been completely transformed overnight, the reality is more nuanced. Many of the protections addressed in this bill already existed in Colorado law. What HB26-1309 primarily does is clarify, reorganize, and strengthen how courts are expected to analyze evidence of domestic violence and coercive control.

We discuss:

What changes were actually made to Colorado law
Why requiring courts to make findings on the record may matter
How coercive control is addressed within the statute
What attorneys are saying about how they may use these changes in practice
Potential benefits for survivors and protective parents
Remaining concerns about implementation and court culture

I also share insights from attorneys who were closely involved with the bill and discuss how these changes could influence litigation strategy, evidence presentation, and judicial accountability moving forward.

HB26-1309 does not automatically change custody orders or fix family court overnight. But it may create greater clarity, accountability, and recognition of abuse dynamics within the legal process.

Whether you're navigating family court yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode will help you understand both the promise and limitations of this new law.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

What if the therapy that was supposed to help actually made things worse?

For many survivors of coercive control, couples therapy doesn't bring clarity, it deepens confusion, self-doubt, and shame.

In this episode, I'm joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Frances Russell to talk about why traditional couples therapy can be harmful when coercive control or domestic violence is present. We discuss what survivors should know, what therapists often miss, and why understanding patterns of power and control—not just isolated incidents—is essential.

Whether you're a survivor wondering why couples therapy didn't work or a mental health professional wanting to better recognize coercive control, this conversation offers practical insights and compassionate validation.

In this episode, we discuss:

Why couples therapy can unintentionally reinforce coercive control.
How neutrality can cause harm when abuse is present.
The subtle signs therapists should be watching for.
Why assessment for coercive control is an ongoing process—not a one-time intake questionnaire.
The difference between incident-based and pattern-based thinking.
What survivors can do if they're looking back and realizing therapy caused additional harm.
Considerations for therapists when ending couples therapy due to safety concerns.
What to know about therapy notes, confidentiality, and family court.

About Frances: Frances works as a therapist for both individuals and couples, and specializes in trauma recovery, helping people rebuild trust in themselves, others and life after experiences that have shattered it. She works with clients who want to process childhood abuse and neglect as well as others who come in to process recent, traumatic experiences between themselves and their partner. She primarily uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with couples and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with individuals.

In addition to being a therapist, Frances is a trauma-informed yoga instructor with Comeback Yoga, an organization that supports veterans and their families. Frances also teaches graduate students at Regis University and her courses include Crisis, Trauma and Loss and Human Growth and Development.

In her free time, Frances enjoys staying active and getting outdoors through running, backpacking and skiing. She is also always on the lookout for new restaurants and recipes.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

Attachment theory has become one of the most talked-about topics in the dating and relationship world.

You have probably heard terms like anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, secure attachment, and disorganized attachment. Maybe you've even wondered whether your attachment style played a role in your abusive relationship.

But what if attachment theory isn't about blaming yourself?

In this episode, I unpack attachment styles through a trauma-informed lens and explore how understanding your attachment patterns can support healing, self-awareness, and future relationships after abuse.

We discuss:

What attachment theory actually is (and what it isn't)
The four primary attachment styles
Childhood experiences that can contribute to different attachment patterns
Why attachment styles are adaptations, not character flaws
How attachment styles can influence dating and relationships
The role attachment may play in how we experience attention, connection, and love bombing
Why survivors should be cautious about using attachment theory as a form of self-blame
How coercive control and abusive relationships can create attachment injuries of their own
Why understanding yourself is often more important than trying to become an expert at spotting abusers

One of the most important takeaways from this conversation is that attachment styles do not explain why someone was abused.

Abuse happens because someone chose to abuse.

Understanding your attachment style can be incredibly helpful for healing, building self-awareness, and creating healthier relationships moving forward. But it should never be used as evidence that you caused, invited, or deserved the abuse you experienced.

If you've ever wondered how attachment theory fits into your healing journey, this episode is for you.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

What if your body isn’t betraying you… but trying to protect you?

In this episode, we’re rethinking the relationship survivors often have with their bodies after trauma. I’m joined by Karianne Gwinn to talk about the very real physical impact domestic violence and chronic stress can have on the body, including digestive issues, chronic pain, fatigue, nervous system dysregulation, and feeling disconnected from yourself.

We also explore what healing can look like beyond just “thinking differently” — including bottom-up, somatic, and mindfulness-based approaches that help survivors reconnect with safety, regulation, and their bodies in a more compassionate way.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated by symptoms your body seems to hold onto long after the relationship ended, this conversation may help you understand why.

In this episode, we discuss:

The physical impact of trauma and chronic stress
Nervous system dysregulation after abuse
Digestive issues, chronic pain, and trauma
Why healing is not just cognitive
Somatic and mindfulness-based healing approaches
Rebuilding trust and connection with your body

About Karianne: Karianne Gwinn is a Functional Nutritional Therapy Practitioner, Psychosomatic Practitioner, speaker, and cancer survivor who specializes in helping people cultivate whole-person wellbeing in the aftermath of major health challenges and trauma. Drawing from training in nutrition, nervous system regulation, and psychosomatic healing—as well as her own lived experience—she helps people better understand the relationship between stress, trauma, the body, and healing.

Karianne is especially passionate about helping people rebuild trust with their bodies after experiences that leave them feeling disconnected, fearful, or confused. Her approach blends evidence-informed wellness practices with deep compassion, practicality, and a healthy dose of humanity. She believes healing doesn’t require perfection—and that sometimes the most powerful shifts begin with very small, very doable changes.

Connect with Karianne at kariannegwinn.com

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

Your child stopped fighting parenting time… but something still feels off. In this FCC episode, we unpack what may be happening when a young child goes from visible distress to emotional shutdown during transitions, how to think about attachment and regulation, and ways to support reconnection while avoiding assumptions or panic.

From a child mental health perspective, what could be happening when a child goes from intense distress at transitions to seeming quiet or shut down?
Is my ex right that this means things are getting better because she isn’t kicking and screaming anymore?
How do you tell the difference between adjustment, developmental changes, and a child protecting themselves emotionally?
How can I support my daughter before and after transitions without making things harder for her?
Are there signs I should watch for that suggest she may need more support, even if exchanges look “easier” on the surface?

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

What if “coparenting” isn’t failing because you are doing it wrong?

And instead, it is not working because the map you were given on how to do it is not meant for “coparenting” with someone abusive.

The way that our system is designed sets a huge trap for protective parents who want to do everything they can to protect their children and allows for someone who uses coercive control to maneuver in ways that continue to abuse.

While there are many traps that happen within this larger system, three of the ones that seem to impact protective parents the most are:

Attempting to be the perfect parent
Attempting to convince your child of the truth about the other parent
Parenting from a reactionary stance and survival mode.

And all of these traps do not allow you to show up as the parent you want to be.

In this episode, I share the reasons for these traps and a starting point for maneuvering around them so that you can parent from a values-based perspective rather than from fear.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

If you're sharing children with an abusive or controlling ex, parenting can feel like walking a tightrope.

Every mistake feels high stakes. Every emotional moment feels like evidence. And many protective moms carry a quiet fear that if they don't do everything perfectly, they could lose connection with their child—or worse.

In this episode, I'm challenging the myth of perfect parenting and exploring what children actually need from us.

Because despite what family court, your ex, social media, or your own inner critic may have convinced you of, your child does not need a perfect parent.

They need a safe one.

You'll learn why so many protective parents feel overwhelming pressure to get everything right, how trauma and chronic stress impact your ability to show up the way you want to, and why repair matters far more than perfection.

Most importantly, you'll walk away with a gentler, more realistic standard for parenting during one of the hardest seasons of your life.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

What happens when a parenting plan leaves too much room for interpretation?

In this episode, we’re talking about one of the biggest mistakes survivors make during divorce and custody negotiations: agreeing to vague parenting plans that unintentionally create openings for ongoing manipulation, conflict, and coercive control.

I’m joined by Cat Climaco to discuss why detailed, clearly written parenting plans matter so much in high-conflict and abusive co-parenting situations. We break down some of the most common loopholes narcissistic or controlling co-parents exploit, including pick-up and drop-off logistics, extracurricular activities, communication expectations, and what happens when parents with joint decision-making reach an impasse.

We also talk about how to advocate for a more specific parenting plan when attorneys or mediators push back and prefer “standard” or cookie-cutter agreements.

If you’re currently negotiating a parenting plan or struggling with one that feels impossible to navigate, this episode will help you understand why clarity and specificity matter far more than most people realize.

In This Episode We Discuss:

Common parenting plan loopholes
Why vague agreements create more conflict
Decision-making impasse clauses
Extracurricular and exchange challenges
Advocating for specificity with attorneys

About Cat: Cat Climaco, Founder of Peaceful Presence Divorce Coaching, is a nationally certified High-Conflict Divorce, Custody, and Co-Parenting Coach, mediator, DASH Risk Assessor, and trauma-informed Colorado Victim's Advocate who specializes in helping protective parents navigate complex, high-conflict family court cases to achieve greater peace and safety in life after divorce. Cat blends professional expertise with lived experience to support parents facing coercive control, post-separation abuse, abusive co-parenting, and cases involving children with additional emotional or developmental needs.

Connect w/ Cat:
https://www.peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching.com
https://www.instagram.com/peacefulpresencedivorcecoach/
https://www.facebook.com/peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/catclimaco/
https://www.youtube.com/@PeacefulPresenceDivorceCoach
https://www.peacefulpresencedivorcecoaching.com/workshops-documentation

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

What if the reason you can’t relax… is because your body learned that calm never lasted and does not mean you are safe?

In this episode, I’m talking about something so many survivors experience after coercive control and domestic violence: feeling constantly on edge, even when nothing is actively happening. The messages stop. The house is quiet. Things seem calm. But your body still feels like it’s bracing for impact.

We explore why survivors often struggle to feel safe even after separation, how trauma and unpredictability train the nervous system to stay hypervigilant, and why this is not a character flaw or “loving drama.” It’s survival.

I also break down the difference between being safe and feeling safe, the role of the nervous system and amygdala in trauma responses, and why healing has to include more than just insight or positive thinking.

Most importantly, we talk about “felt safety” — those moments where your body starts to believe you might actually be okay — and how building those moments can change the way you parent, communicate, respond to stress, and begin healing after abuse.

In This Episode We Discuss:

Why survivors feel anxious even during calm moments
Hypervigilance and the nervous system after abuse
The impact of unpredictability in coercive control
Why healing is not just cognitive
Felt safety and nervous system regulation
How trauma responses impact parenting
Practical grounding and regulation strategies
The difference between being safe and feeling safe

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just relax?” this episode is for you.

Nervous System episodes:
Ep 150: Post-Separation Abuse Burnout: A Nervous System Perspective https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/17103086
Ep 11: Your Nervous System is Shot: Strategies to Move Out of Fight, Flight, and Freeze https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/11272280

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

What happens when the parent who was minimally involved suddenly becomes “Parent of the Year” once court professionals start watching?

In this Friday Coaching Corner episode, we’re talking about a situation many protective parents quietly fear:

A second court evaluation where the abusive parent is seeking 50/50 parenting time and increased decision-making authority while pushing a narrative that the protective parent is exaggerating concerns or harming the child through over-medicalizing or overprotectiveness.

Meanwhile, the protective parent feels terrified of looking emotional, reactive, or “high conflict” while trying to advocate for their children’s safety and well-being.

If you are navigating a PRE, custody evaluation, or other family court professional process, this episode will help you think more strategically about grounding yourself, communicating clearly, and staying focused on your children’s needs.

Questions from this episode:

Can a PRE evaluator in Colorado recommend decision-making authority?
How do I show up credibly when my ex suddenly acts like the perfect parent once people are watching?
How do I talk about coercive control and my children’s wellbeing without sounding reactive or “high conflict”?

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
Rising Beyond Pinterest

If you're interested in guesting on the show please fill out this form - https://forms.gle/CSvLWWyZxmJ8GGQu7

Enjoy some of our freebies!

Choosing Your Battles Freebie
Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
...

We don’t talk enough about the real collateral damage of broken systems.

And it’s not just survivors.

It’s our kids.

In this episode, I’m naming something that so many of you are living through but rarely see acknowledged out loud — the ways children are impacted when systems like family court, child protection, and even therapeutic settings fail to fully understand coercive control and domestic violence.

Because this isn’t just about what happened in the relationship.

It’s about what continues to happen after separation… when you’re doing everything “right,” and your child is still paying the price.

We’re talking about the full spectrum of collateral damage — from the quieter, everyday barriers (like not being able to access therapy due to joint decision-making) to the more extreme and devastating outcomes that can occur when abuse is minimized, misunderstood, or ignored.

This episode is honest. It’s heavy.
And it also holds space for hope — because that matters too.

In this episode, we cover:

How coercive control and post-separation abuse continue to impact kids
Why joint decision-making can block access to critical care
How children learn to stay silent in medical, legal, and therapeutic settings
The impact of misinformed professionals (including in therapy and court)
How fear, threats, and “provoke and record” dynamics affect children
The misuse of terms like “parental alienation” and its consequences
What happens when abuse (including sexual abuse) is not believed or substantiated
The emotional and psychological toll on protective parents and children

Peer-Reviewed Articles
https://www.law.georgetown.edu/georgetown-law-journal/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/2022/06/Meier_Denial-of-Family-Violence-in-Court.pdf

https://scholarship.law.gwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2809&context=faculty_publications

https://scholarship.law.gwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1857&context=faculty_publications

https://barrygoldstein.net/component/tags/tag/the-saunders-study

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What actually happens when domestic violence cases enter the courtroom?

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Carol Ann Peterson—expert witness, consultant, and longtime advocate—who brings a behind-the-scenes look at how abuse is understood (and often misunderstood) in criminal, civil, and family court.

We talk about what expert witnesses really do, when they can make a difference, and why context—not isolated incidents—is critical in understanding abuse. Dr. Peterson also shares how survivors are often misperceived in court, how abusers present, and what decision-makers frequently get wrong.

This conversation pulls back the curtain on the systems many survivors are navigating—and highlights where change is still urgently needed.

About Carol Ann: Dr. Carol Ann Peterson is an expert witness, consultant, and nationally recognized trainer specializing in domestic and intimate partner violence. She has trained with the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center under the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and has consulted with the U.S. Attorney General’s Office, the California Attorney General’s Office, the Los Angeles County District Attorney, and the Los Angeles City Attorney.

Dr. Peterson has served as an expert witness in criminal, civil, and family court cases for both prosecution and defense, including district attorneys, public defenders, and private attorneys. She is a certified strangulation prevention expert and a member of the Expert Advisory Group for DomesticShelters.org.

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A lot of survivors feel exhausted for a long time.

Physically tired.
Mentally overloaded.
Emotionally drained.

And then one day, something shifts.

Anger shows up.

And what surprises many people is not just the anger. It is the energy that comes with it.

In this episode, we are looking at anger in a different way. Not just as something to manage or calm down, but as something that can actually be useful when you understand how to work with it.

Because anger is one of the few emotions that brings movement back into a system that has been stuck in survival mode.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why trauma often leads to exhaustion and low energy
• What is happening in your body when anger shows up
• Why anger can feel uncomfortable or even scary
• The ways anger often gets pushed down or turned inward
• How anger can support boundaries and decision making
• The difference between feeling anger and acting on it
• Practical ways to release and direct anger energy
• How anger can reconnect you with your values and your voice

This episode is especially helpful if you have started to feel more anger and are not sure what to do with it.

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What actually happens in a domestic violence assessment? And how do you know if you even need one?

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Lisa Fontes, an expert in coercive control and domestic violence assessments, to talk about something many survivors are navigating but don’t fully understand — how these evaluations and expert witnesses show up in family court.

If you’ve ever been told to “get an expert” or wondered if that would help your case, this conversation will give you a clearer picture of what that actually means and when it might (and might not) be helpful.

We also talk about the reality that many survivors face in family court — where experiences like coercive control, sexual coercion, and post-separation abuse are often misunderstood, minimized, or not given the weight they deserve.

Inside this episode, we talk about:
• What a domestic violence or coercive control assessment actually looks like
• The difference between an expert witness and a subject matter expert
• When an expert can be helpful in family court — and when they may not be necessary
• Why self-report assessments can be unreliable in abuse cases
• How coercive control and sexual abuse often go unrecognized in legal settings
• What “manufactured” claims and “provoke and record” tactics can look like
• The misuse of the term “parental alienation” and how it shows up in court
• Why post-separation abuse is often missed — and why that matters
• How to evaluate whether an expert witness is actually qualified
• The growing trend of survivors pursuing civil cases for damages

This episode is especially relevant if you are navigating family court, dealing with custody issues, or trying to figure out how to advocate for yourself in systems that may not fully understand abuse.

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At some point in healing, a lot of people hit this moment:

You were making progress.
You were starting to feel a shift.
And then… it feels like nothing is happening anymore.

It can feel confusing. Frustrating. Even discouraging.

In this episode, we’re talking about something that does not get talked about enough: the phase of healing where things slow down and it starts to feel like you are stuck.

If you have caught yourself thinking: Am I actually getting better? Why does this feel harder again? Shouldn’t I be further along by now?

You are not alone.

What many survivors don’t realize is that there is a phase of healing that is less about big changes and more about integration. And that phase often feels quiet, slow, and sometimes even uncomfortable.

In this episode, we talk about:
• Why healing is not linear and tends to happen in layers
• What the plateau phase actually is and why it matters
• Why things can feel slower after the initial stages of healing
• What is happening in your nervous system during this time
• Signs you are healing that are easy to miss
• Why comparison can make this phase feel worse
• How to look at progress in a more realistic way
• What actually helps during this stage

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When child protection gets involved, it can feel like everything your ex threatened is starting to happen.

Many survivors were told: “If you leave, I’ll make sure everyone thinks you’re unstable—and I’ll take the kids.”

So when CPS opens an investigation, the fear isn’t just about the process.
It’s about the possibility that the narrative could be turned against you.

In this Friday Coaching Corner episode, we’re talking about how to navigate a CPS investigation when there is a history of coercive control—and when you’re worried your ex will present well while you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or misunderstood.

We’ll walk through:

How to gauge whether a caseworker understands coercive control and domestic violence
How to present in a way that is grounded, credible, and child-focused (without overexplaining)
What CPS is often paying attention to beyond first impressions
How to prepare your children in a supportive way without coaching or adding pressure

This episode also focuses on something that often gets missed:
You don’t need to outperform your ex.
You need to stay steady, consistent, and anchored in what your children need.

If you’re in the middle of an investigation—or fear this could happen—this conversation will help you move from panic to strategy.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

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Sometimes the deepest wound isn't just what happened to you.

It's what happens when you try to explain it, and no one believes you.

In this episode, we are talking about epistemic injury — a form of harm that happens when your reality, your knowledge, or your credibility is questioned, dismissed, or minimized. Many survivors of coercive control experience this not only in their relationships but also in the systems they turn to for help.

If you have ever walked out of a meeting, court appointment, therapy session, or conversation, wondering:
Did I explain that wrong? Did I sound crazy? Maybe it really is me…

You are not alone. And you are not imagining the impact this has on you.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What epistemic injury is and why it affects so many survivors
• How not being believed can recreate the effects of gaslighting
• Why this type of injury can be so destabilizing to your identity
• How systemic betrayal connects to epistemic injury
• Signs you may be dealing with epistemic injury
• How healing begins by rebuilding trust in your own perception
• Why healing sometimes means protecting your reality instead of proving it

This conversation is especially important for survivors navigating family court, post-separation abuse, or professional systems that may not fully understand coercive control.

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What if the most important parts of your story were never being asked about?

Many survivors share a similar fear when the call in law enforcement for help:
What if they only look at what happened that day… and not everything that led up to it?

I'm talking with law enforcement captain, Eric Threlkeld who has over 30 years of experience to talk about something that needs to be discussed more openly: why domestic violence cannot be understood by looking at a single incident, and why patterns of coercive control matter far more than one moment in time.

We talk about what officers are typically trained to look for, what often gets missed, and what happens when professionals start asking different questions.

This conversation also highlights something I want survivors to hear clearly: there are people inside these systems working to better understand coercive control and push for change.

Inside this conversation, we discuss:

• Why domestic violence is a community issue, not just a law enforcement issue
• Why focusing on one incident can miss the real danger
• How trauma impacts how survivors tell their stories
• Why survivors may appear overwhelmed or emotional when finally asking for help
• Why lethality assessments matter
• How multidisciplinary teams can improve outcomes
• The role survivors and advocates play in creating change
• Why this work can feel discouraging and why it still matters

If you have ever worried that professionals only saw your reaction instead of what you were reacting to, this episode is for you.

Book - STRANGLED: A Survivor's Plea To Men Who Look The Other Way https://www.amazon.com/STRANGLED-Survivors-Plea-Look-Other/dp/B0G8RZX8LV

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What happens when the place you expected to find support becomes another place where you feel unseen?

In this episode, we talk about religious betrayal and how it shows up for survivors of coercive control and domestic abuse. Many survivors seek guidance from faith leaders or communities and are met with messages that unintentionally reinforce harm rather than safety.

We explore how advice meant to preserve relationships can sometimes ignore patterns of power and control, and why this can create deep confusion, shame, and self-doubt.

This conversation also introduces the idea of moral injury and how it can happen when your core values around safety, protection, and dignity collide with messages telling you to tolerate harm.

If you’ve ever wondered:
Did I fail? Did I give up too soon? Did I do something wrong?

I hope to offer a different perspective.

You may not have failed your faith. You may have been protecting what matters most.

This episode will help you start separating harmful messages from your own values and begin rebuilding trust in your own inner compass.

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Have you ever felt like your ex keeps pushing and pushing until you finally react… and then suddenly you’re the problem?

In this episode, we’re talking about what I often call manufactured crazy — when someone intentionally provokes reactions and then uses those reactions to support a narrative that you are unstable, high-conflict, or difficult to work with.

We also discuss dog whistles — subtle phrases or references that sound harmless to others but are meant to trigger you because of your shared history. When you react, the focus often shifts to your response instead of the pattern of provocation that led up to it.

This episode explores why this happens, why your nervous system reacts the way it does, and how learning to recognize the setup can help you move from reacting emotionally to responding strategically.

If you’ve ever thought “that is exactly what they wanted me to do,” this conversation will help you understand why — and what you can do differently next time.

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What do you do when you know vague parenting plan language will create problems, but your attorney says you’re asking for too much detail?

In this Bonus Coaching episode, we look at a common situation many protective parents face: trying to create clear agreements around things like extracurricular activities, schedule changes, and communication expectations after experiencing patterns of manipulation or conflict.

When you’ve lived through chaos, wanting clarity isn’t about control. It’s often about trying to protect peace for you and your children.

In this episode, we discuss:

How to tell the difference between healthy specificity and fear-based overplanning
How to advocate for clearer language when your attorney doesn’t fully understand coercive control dynamics
Common vague areas in parenting plans that often create problems later

If you’ve ever been told you’re being too detailed when you’re really just trying to prevent future conflict, this episode is for you.

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There is something many survivors quietly wonder but don’t always say out loud:

Will this ever end?
Will my kids be okay?
Will I ever feel like myself again?

In this episode, I sit down with Jennifer, who spent over a decade navigating post-separation abuse and repeated family court litigation. Her story isn’t shared to scare you. It’s shared because so many survivors are living this reality and need to know they are not alone and that hope is still possible.

We talk about what it actually looks like to survive years of legal conflict while still showing up for your children, managing fear about what could happen next, and holding onto small pieces of hope along the way.

Jennifer shares honestly about:

The emotional toll of repeated court motions and legal uncertainty
The exhaustion of constant documentation and preparing for the unknown
The fear of lies being told in court that you cannot fully prepare for

But this conversation is also about what survivors rarely get to hear:

What happens when you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation:

Healing isn’t just about surviving the legal process.
It’s about eventually finding yourself again.

If you are in the middle of this right now and feel exhausted, discouraged, or unsure if things will ever get better, this episode is meant to remind you:

You can make it through this. Your kids can be okay. And there is life after survival mode.

Connect with Jennifer:

https://open.substack.com/pub/jenniferpeyton356426

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Have you ever walked out of a court hearing, a meeting with a professional, or even a hard parenting moment and thought,

“Well, that didn’t come out the way I meant it?”

Maybe your anxiety came out sharp.

Maybe your urgency sounded like anger.

Or maybe you were doing everything you knew of to protect your child but feel like you showed up as “mentally unstable.”

When you have lived through coercive control and continued post separation abuse, your nervous system will continually scan for danger and has been conditioned to suppress specific emotions like anger. This can be a huge obstacle as you heal and try to get decision makers to understand the truth about what is going on.

In this episode, we dive into why emotional intelligence is one of the biggest healing and protective strategies for you and your children. Emotional intelligence is about noticing what is happening inside you so that you can show up in ways you feel good about.

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How are you, really? With the Jeffrey Epstein coverage everywhere, many survivors are feeling triggered, angry, betrayed, and exhausted. The language in the media. The redactions. The victim blaming. The protection of powerful people. It is a reminder of the same power and control dynamics many of you are living through in family court and post separation abuse.

In this episode, I am not breaking down the files or diving into case details. Instead, I am talking about the impact.

Why this coverage hits so hard.
Why systemic betrayal feels personal.
Why it is exhausting to watch people in power protect each other.
And what you can do if you find yourself doomscrolling, dysregulated, or unable to turn it off.

We talk about:

The harm of language that minimizes abuse
How power structures silence victims
Why betrayal from trusted public figures feels destabilizing
When to limit exposure to media
How to protect your nervous system
The two steps that actually matter if we want change

If you are overwhelmed, you are not weak.
If you are angry, it makes sense.
If you need to turn it off, you are allowed.

Believe survivors.
Hold people accountable.

That is where it starts.

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We have been conditioned to be polite over safe. To make others comfortable even when our bodies are signaling danger. To be small, sweet, accommodating.

That conditioning increases risk for women, especially survivors of coercive control. What kept you safer inside an abusive relationship can make you more vulnerable outside of it.

I unpack why love bombing is better understood as grooming. It is not just gifts or grand gestures. It is learning your values and vulnerabilities so they can be used later.

We also talk about:

Trusting your body’s warning signals
Seeing trauma responses as data
Practicing strategic rudeness when something feels off
Using the broken record approach in communication
Naming patterns clearly with an ex or even professionals
Teaching your children discernment instead of forced politeness

Your discomfort matters.
Your instincts matter.
And awareness is the first step in breaking this conditioning for you and your kids.

If this episode brings something up for you, I would love to hear from you.

BOOK: The Gift of Fear: https://a.co/d/0gxTtekZ

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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A mother of three is navigating ongoing post-separation abuse from two different ex-partners. After disagreeing with a proposed school and therapist change, her second ex escalated with threats of full custody, weaponizing her trauma history and mental health. Shortly after, her first ex announced a move near the second ex, and she discovered the two men have been communicating.

With limited financial resources, no attorney, and little outside support, she is trying to understand what is happening, how to protect herself and her children, and how to respond without making the situation worse.

This episode explores coordinated coercive tactics, fear-based legal threats, and how protective parents can ground themselves, preserve stability, and respond strategically without escalating conflict.

Questions Answered in This Episode

Have you ever seen two abusive ex-partners coordinate or team up, and why does this happen?
How should a protective parent respond when custody threats and mental health accusations are used as leverage after saying no?
What practical steps can you take to protect yourself and your children, especially when you cannot afford an attorney and want to avoid court?

Want your question featured in a future Friday Coaching Corner? Send a short paragraph explaining your situation and 2–3 specific questions to info@risingbeyondpc.com.

Download the free script guide, Protective Parenting Scripts for Hard Moments: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parentingscripts

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Family court is one of the most overwhelming environments a trauma survivor can face.

For some survivors, the idea of court brings intense anxiety, panic, or shutdown. For others, it feels like a space where they must perform calm and composure at all costs, even when their nervous system is under threat.

What many survivors do not realize is that disability rights may apply in family court, including for conditions like anxiety and PTSD.

In this episode, we begin a grounded, realistic conversation about disability rights in family court, with a specific focus on what survivors with anxiety or PTSD should know before deciding whether to request accommodations.

This episode is not about telling you what you should do.
It is about helping you understand what may be possible, what the risks are, and how to think strategically about access to justice in a system that was not designed with trauma in mind.

Transparency Matters

I want to name this clearly. I am not an expert in disability law or ADA accommodations. In this episode, you are learning alongside me as I share what I have been able to research and understand so far.

This is a starting point, not the end of the conversation. In Part 2, I plan to invite a guest who specializes in disability rights and court access so we can explore this topic more deeply and responsibly, including best practices and real world considerations.

Colorado Court ADA Information

ADA Frequently Asked Questions
https://www.coloradojudicial.gov/ada-faq-0
Request for Accommodation by a Person with a Disability
https://www.coloradojudicial.gov/request-ada
Colorado Judicial Department ADA Overview
https://www.coloradojudicial.gov/ada

Disability Rights Support

Disability Law Colorado
https://disabilitylawco.org

Download the free script guide, Protective Parenting Scripts for Hard Moments: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parentingscripts

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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What happens when survivors of domestic violence and coercive control enter family court isn’t just anecdotal — it’s documented, researched, and deeply concerning.

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, Sybil is joined by Joan S. Meier, Professor of Clinical Law at George Washington University Law School and founder of the National Family Violence Law Center, and Danielle Pollack, Policy Manager at the Center, to unpack what decades of research and policy work reveal about how family courts respond to abuse allegations — and why so many protective parents feel disbelieved, punished, or silenced.

Together, they explore how concepts like parental alienation are frequently weaponized against survivors, how unregulated reunification programs put children at risk, and what policy efforts like Kayden’s Law are doing to change the system. This conversation also speaks directly to therapists, advocates, and professionals, offering insight into how research can inform ethical practice, advocacy, and trauma-informed testimony.

NSPO: https://www.nationalsafeparents.org/

About the Guests

Joan S. Meier
Professor of Clinical Law at George Washington University Law School and founder of the National Family Violence Law Center. Joan is a leading national expert on domestic violence, child abuse, and family court outcomes, and the lead author of the landmark study examining how courts respond to abuse allegations in custody cases.

Website: https://www.nfvlc.org/

Danielle Pollack
Policy Manager at the National Family Violence Law Center. Danielle works at the intersection of research and legislation, helping states adopt laws that better protect children and survivors, including implementation efforts related to Kayden’s Law. She also supports survivor-led advocacy through the National Safe Parents Organization (NSPO).

Join me on February 18th at 12pm MST for the Parenting to Combat Coercive Control Live Workshop for protective moms focused on protecting and repairing the parent–child relationship: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coercive-control

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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What happens when one parent leans on a child emotionally and you are determined not to do the same?

Many protective parents notice it quietly at first.
Their child starts worrying about the other parent.
They feel responsible for adult emotions.
They try to comfort, reassure, or stabilize situations that are far beyond their role.

And when you are isolated, overwhelmed, or under constant pressure, the temptation to lean back can feel very real.

In this episode, Sybil explores why children are so often pulled into adult emotional roles after abuse, separation, or high conflict co parenting and why resisting that pull is one of the most protective parenting choices you can make.

This episode is not about shaming parents who are struggling.
It is about understanding impact, preserving family hierarchy, and keeping children emotionally safe even when the other parent does not.

Links to episodes mentioned:

Episode 56: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-56-start-healing-from-moral-injury-with-guest-dr/id1633920067?i=1000621633927

Episode 50: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-50-how-narcissistic-abuse-leads-to-moral-injury/id1633920067?i=1000616005777

Parenting to Combat Coercive Control Live Workshop, Feb 18th 2026: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coercive-control

Download the free script guide, Protective Parenting Scripts for Hard Moments: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parentingscripts

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Parenting plans, mediation, and negotiations are some of the most stressful parts of divorce — especially when abuse, coercive control, or high conflict are involved.

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, Sybil is joined by Laura, a family law mediator and co-parenting coach, to unpack what mediation can look like when it is truly child-centered and trauma-informed — and when it isn’t.

Laura brings years of experience mediating high-conflict parenting cases involving domestic violence, substance use, and power imbalances. Together, they explore how mediation can either reinforce harm or become a place where autonomy, safety, and children’s real needs are finally centered.

This conversation is especially helpful for protective parents who feel trapped by cookie-cutter parenting plans, fear retaliation for speaking up, or are being pressured to “just agree” for the sake of the court.

In This Episode, We Discuss

Why mediation often feels re-traumatizing for survivors — and how it can be done differently
The importance of autonomy after coercive control
Why “getting to agreement” is not the same as creating a safe parenting plan
How documenting only the bad can distort negotiations

Laura Lorber is an MC3 Certified Mediator, Certified Co-Parenting Specialist, and Program for Infant-Toddler Care (PITC) Fellow. She brings a deeply reflective and facilitative approach to complex family matters, including high-conflict co-parenting, interpersonal violence, and elder care. Laura’s evolving theory of mediation centers on the idea that every conflict offers a chance to model and teach — giving families a lasting legacy of learning to navigate challenges with understanding, resilience, and care for future generations.

Connect with Laura:
Website: www.lauralorberjd.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lauramlorber/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lmlorber/

Join me on February 18th at 12pm MST for the Parenting to Combat Coercive Control Live Workshop for protective moms focused on protecting and repairing the parent–child relationship: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coercive-control

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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In this Friday Coaching Corner, Sybil responds to a protective mother navigating ongoing post-separation abuse involving her highly gifted, autistic teenager. The abusive co-parent has repeatedly pulled the child into adult financial and legal conflicts, framing the protective parent as the cause of manufactured crises and positioning himself as the victim and rescuer.

Over time, the child has become increasingly aligned with the abusive parent — repeating legal language, expressing contempt toward court-ordered support, rejecting care from the protective parent, and threatening legal consequences when demands aren’t met. This episode explores what happens when a child is placed in an impossible loyalty bind and the emotional toll this takes on both the child and the protective parent.

Questions Answered in This Episode

How do you respond when your child has been weaponized against you and genuinely believes the abusive parent’s narrative?
How can a protective parent hold boundaries when their child uses legal threats, contempt, or adult language learned from the abusive parent?
What does staying connected look like when your child is rejecting you to remain loyal to the abusive parent?
How can protective parents grieve the loss of connection without collapsing, over-explaining, or losing themselves in the process?

Want your question featured in a future Friday Coaching Corner? Send a short paragraph explaining your situation and 2–3 specific questions to info@risingbeyondpc.com.

Join me on February 18th at 12pm MST for the Parenting to Combat Coercive Control Live Workshop for protective moms focused on protecting and repairing the parent–child relationship: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coercive-control

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Custody evaluations tend to bring up two very different reactions for survivors.

For some, the idea of an evaluation is terrifying, especially if they have heard stories about how much power evaluators hold and how often survivors feel misunderstood or mischaracterized.

For others, a custody evaluation feels like hope. It can feel like the moment they will finally be seen, believed, or taken seriously after months or years of being dismissed.

Both reactions make sense.

In this episode, we break down what custody evaluators are actually supposed to assess, where the process often breaks down, especially in cases involving coercive control or post-separation abuse, and what options survivors may have if the evaluation does not reflect their reality.

This episode is not meant to scare you or tell you to expect the worst.
It is about understanding the process well enough to reduce surprises and protect yourself emotionally and strategically.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Rocks in a Jar technique: https://youtu.be/ibqemrMJe2w (If you're short on time, scroll to 10:30 in the video)
Project Justice USA: https://www.projectjusticeusa.com/

Join me on February 18th at 12pm MST for the Parenting to Combat Coercive Control Live Workshop for protective moms focused on protecting and repairing the parent–child relationship: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coercive-control

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Should you keep trying to repair a relationship, or is it time to walk away? If you’ve found yourself repeatedly questioning the level of toxicity in your relationships — with a parent, sibling, friend, or even a new romantic partner — this episode will help you sort through the tug of war inside your body and mind.

For many survivors of narcissistic abuse, the end of an abusive marriage doesn’t magically clarify all of the other relationships in your life. Instead, it often brings more confusion. You may start noticing behaviors you once excused, feeling drained after interactions, or wondering whether you are seeing red flags or simply overreacting because of your trauma history. And when you’re already carrying the emotional weight of post-separation abuse and rebuilding your life, the question “Should I mend this relationship or should I go?” can feel overwhelming.

To help bring clarity, I sit down with Kate King, LPC, who offers a grounded framework for checking in with your authentic self to decide whether a relationship can be repaired with boundaries or whether it’s healthier — and safer — to step away. We talk about:

What your nervous system is trying to tell you about a relationship
How your trauma history influences the way you assess safety
What repair actually looks like in healthy relationships
The signs that it may be time to move on
How to begin healing through the body, not just the mind

Kate also shares insights from her upcoming book, Mend or Move On: A Guide to Healing or Leaving Toxic Relationships (coming January 2026), including how survivors can use it to navigate these complex decisions with more confidence and compassion.

If you’re wrestling with whether to give someone another chance, set firmer boundaries, or let go completely, this conversation offers clarity, direction, and deep validation.

Connect with Kate:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theradiantlifeproject
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@TheRadiantLifeProject

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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If you are a protective parent trying to “co-parent” with a narcissistic ex-partner, you’ve likely found yourself awake at night wondering how all of this will shape your child’s future.

Will my child grow up to be an abuser?
Will my child end up in abusive relationships themselves?
Will my ex succeed in damaging our bond beyond repair?

These fears often intensify during the teen years, when behavior becomes more complex and the stakes feel higher.

In this episode, I sit down with Riley Cochran, a licensed therapist and true teen whisperer who works with adolescents carrying trauma, big explosive emotions, and sometimes juvenile justice involvement. Riley brings a grounded and compassionate lens to what’s really happening beneath the surface of those challenging teen behaviors.

Together, we explore:

How to understand the why behind your teen’s difficult or explosive behaviors
What trauma responses can look like in adolescents
How your connection and attachment with your teen can be a source of healing
Ways to build resilience in your child even when the other parent is undermining you
The power of steady, attuned parenting when a teen is caught in a high-conflict dynamic

If you fear what your ex’s behavior might mean for your child’s long-term emotional health, this episode offers clarity, direction, and hope. You are not powerless — your relationship with your teen still matters more than you think.

Riley Cochran is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Addiction Counselor with over a decade of experience supporting high-risk and system-involved youth and families. He serves as the Executive Director of Resolute Counseling Center in Colorado and is the founder of The Guardians Guide, a parent coaching program designed to help caregivers respond to big behaviors and crisis with clarity, confidence, and connection. Riley is known for translating complex mental health concepts into practical, real-world guidance that empowers families to navigate challenging seasons together.

Connect with Riley:
Website: www.resolutecounselingcenter.com, https://www.rileycochran.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/riley_cochran_official

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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What do you do when you’re staring down a new year and your life looks nothing like what you imagined? When you’re navigating post-separation abuse, family court chaos, or the long tail of coercive control, the idea of setting goals or creating a “new year plan” can feel impossible — or irrelevant.

In this episode, Sybil talks about how to begin again when you’re stuck in the thought “this is not the life I signed up for”. Instead of pretending everything is fine or forcing resolutions you don’t have the energy for, Sybil offers a grounded, compassionate way to approach the start of a new year.

You’ll hear about:

Why it’s normal to feel stuck or resentful heading into a new year
- — especially when you’re still in a battle you didn’t choose.
How to shift from overwhelm to clarity
- by identifying what you want now, not what you thought your life would be.
Understanding what’s in your control — and what’s not
- so you can stop pouring energy into dead ends.
How to identify small wins
- and why these matter so much more than big goals when you’re carrying a heavy load.
Creating momentum through micro-actions
- that fit your season of life, your capacity, and the reality you're living in.
A gentle way to start the year
- without bypassing the grief or frustration of where you are.

This episode is for anyone who is beginning a new year in survival mode, in a hard chapter, or while parenting in the midst of ongoing post-separation abuse. You don’t have to rebuild your entire life right now — but you can start with one clear step that’s within your control.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Take a listen to this episode that listeners come back to frequently.

If you are a survivor in the battle ground of family court, would you say that your attorney is representing you well?

Do you feel heard?

Or maybe you do not have the financial means to even hire an attorney.

And so you find yourself going pro se. Representing yourself in family court. This can be extremely scary and it is possible that you will be able to do an even better job going pro se than with an attorney. On this episode of I have a conversation with Casey Brinkman on how she was able to turn her case around to finally be able to protect herself and her children when she got rid of her attorneys and became pro se.

Casey shares her best tips for representing yourself well as well as what a family court coach/consultant can do to help you on this journey. We discuss the importance of documentation, knowing your rights, doing the right research, how to get evidence in as evidence, and more.

Casey is a dedicated protective mother who spent nearly five years navigating the complexities of the family court system. For just under three years, she worked with an attorney, but it wasn’t until she took on her case pro se in the last two years that she was able to truly have her voice, and her children’s voices, heard. Through her persistence and determination, Casey successfully turned her case around to protect her children, a journey that sparked her passion for helping other protective moms facing similar challenges.

Today, Casey channels her experience and expertise into helping other mothers become strong and effective litigants, whether working with an attorney or representing themselves pro se. Her mission is to inspire and equip protective moms to navigate the legal system with confidence, ensuring their children’s best interests remain the top priority.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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I'm sharing this episode again as it's one that many of you listen to frequently.

If your parenting plan is not working or there has been a change in yours or your child’s lives to where the parenting plan no longer reflects the actual needed arrangements for the child, what do you do?

If you are coparenting with a narcissist, broaching a change in the parenting plan can feel extremely scary. You know that it will be a catalyst for increased engagement and conflict. So, what steps can you follow that will help minimize the conflict and increase the likelihood of a change?

A change in circumstance might be (not an exhaustive list):

A change in address outside of the parenting plan agreement
A change in school
A change in the child’s medical or mental health providers
A change in the child’s needs that the current parenting plan does not address
A loss of job that will have an impact on the current parenting plan
Abuse or Neglect
Co-parent is not following the orders AND it is causing harm to the child

If you feel like you need to broach a change in the parenting plan, there are some steps that you can take that will protect you and will increase the likelihood that the plan will be modified.

Send the initial message to “put the concern on your co-parent’s radar”
Start to accrue data and evidence that the concern is negatively impacting your child and what needs to happen to remedy this
Send a second email stating that the problem is still present, share some of the data, and then write a clear ask of what needs to be done to remedy the situation.
Be prepared for your ex to fight back and be an A-hole
Be prepared for the next possible steps in a worst case scenario

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Enjoy this fan-favorite rerun episode with my guest, Kate Amber. What the heck is coercive control anyway? If you have experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, you have experienced coercive control. And it’s likely that you have experienced it in ways and by people and systems that are outside of your romantic relationship.

In this episode, I have an expert on coercive control, Kate Amber, MS that is going to break it all down for you. We look at the most common challenges that survivors face as they work through the larger systems and she shares her BioPsychoSocial Quicksand Model as a framework for how professionals in the system can identify coercive control in these cases.

In this model we look at the D's:

Double Standards
Double Binds
Double Team
DARVO

The E's:

Ensnare
Entrap
Exploit
Preventing Escape

And the F's:

Force
Fraud
Fear

These are all used to maintain control over the target.

Kate Amber, MSc, is the founder of End Coercive Control USA (ECCUSA) and an international speaker, consultant, trainer, writer, and expert witness on domestic abuse, coercive control, and extremist groups. She holds advanced certifications in psychology, leadership, human rights, and advocacy, and her award-winning master’s research introduced the BioPsychoSocial Quicksand Model™ of Coercive Control, synthesizing decades of research on abuse, trafficking, cults, gangs, and torture. Kate and ECCUSA have been recognized with multiple Purple Ribbon Awards for survivor leadership and outstanding community education.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Do you ever feel like you “should” be grateful, especially around the holidays — but underneath, you’re still angry, grieving, or exhausted?

You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re being human.

This episode explores how gratitude and anger can coexist, why both are valid, and how making room for all of your emotions can actually support your healing after abuse and during post-separation parenting.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

Why this season can intensify conflicting emotions
How anger can point to your deepest values
How to use curiosity and a non-judgemental stance to allow the difficult feelings to coexist with gratitude and peace
Grounding practices and reflections that allow you to connect with yourself
How to create holiday traditions that reflect your current reality
The power of emotional honesty
Ways to hold space for hope without dismissing your pain

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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What happens when you have every intention of showing up as the best mom possible and then things go awry and you show up as someone that you do not want to be?

Do you beat yourself up for days?

We all have bad mom moments no matter how intentional we are in our parenting. I even share some of my bad mom moments so that you do not feel alone in this.

When those bad mom moments strike, there are things you can do to repair. And the repair is extremely important because it is one more thing that your child will not experience at their other parent’s home. In this episode I share some of my greatest tips on how you can repair your relationship with your child to help them grow up connected and resilient.

I’d love to hear your bad mom moments if you need a safe place to share them. Email me at info@risingbeyondpc.com.

Register for the Free Webinar Series - Why Co-Parenting Feels Like a Trap here - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/coparenting

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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How long do you think it takes for someone to heal after leaving a cult?

Coercive control is the underlying tactic of narcissistic abuse relationships, often known as a cult of one.

Does it give you more self compassion as you work towards healing when you realize that your healing mimics the healing of someone healing from a cult?

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast I do a deep dive into the similarities between domestic violence and narcissistic abuse relationships and those of cults with Brooke Deanne. She uses her personal experience of leaving a high control religion which then led to an abusive romantic relationship to help survivors heal.

We discuss the similarities of tactics used post separation or when leaving a cult, how cult experiences may lead to future abusive relationships, and the first steps to healing.

Brooke Deanne is a Trauma Healing Mentor, Rapid Transformational Therapist (RTT), and NLP Practitioner empowering female survivors of abuse and trauma to reclaim their lives by rewriting their stories via a holistic approach to access new levels of mind, body, and spirit integration.

After overcoming her history of abuse as an ex-Jehovah’s Witness, and toxic relationships, Brooke brings profound insight to her work and as an advocate against religious abuse and domestic violence. She is the author of The Grief Monster, a trusted resource in therapy offices and hospitals to help children process loss, and Shattered, Broken, & Beautiful - Losing My Religion and Finding Faith, a transformative memoir exploring her healing journey from a religious cult and abusive relationships.

Brooke also hosts The Cult Diaries podcast. Discover more at https://www.lifecoachinggoddess.com/shattered-broken-beautiful

Connect with Brooke:
Instagram: @lifecoachinggoddess
YouTube: @Lifecoachinggoddess
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brooke-kekos-253905231/
Website: https://www.lifecoachinggoddess.com/

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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In this final Friday Coaching Corner of 2025, Sybil follows up on a previous episode after hearing from a listener whose story echoes so many others navigating malicious interference in the parent–child relationship.

This mom has been enduring post-separation abuse for over two years, including weaponized court orders, ignored therapeutic directives, and a teen who has been heavily influenced by the abusive parent.

She asks Sybil to address three painful and important questions:

How can a mom who has been partially separated from her teen due to manipulation and lies maintain connection outside of the legal and family court systems?
Why do teens so often side with the abusive parent, even when that parent is violating orders or causing harm?
What steps can a protective parent take to begin radically accepting the situation, especially when their child seems brainwashed, fearful, or aligned with the harmful parent?

Listen to episode 2 of the Friday Coaching Corner "When Unconditional Love Looks Like “Being Walked Over”": https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/17927785

Want your question featured in a future Friday Coaching Corner? Send a short paragraph explaining your situation and 2–3 specific questions to info@risingbeyondpc.com.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Speaking out about abuse is never easy.

For survivors of coercive control and domestic violence, telling the truth can feel like reclaiming your voice and your dignity, but telling the truth often comes with a significant cost: retaliation.

In this episode I do a deep dive (and a bit of a rant) into the reasons why a narcissist feels the need to retaliate and the steps that they take to silence you and anyone who supports you. They use threats, smear campaigns, and then move to revenge on a larger scale.

This doesn’t only impact the survivor…an abuser will also retaliate against those who support their victim in order to maintain control over the narrative. The consequence of this is fewer who are willing to stand up and support those who need it the most.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Family court can feel like a battlefield — especially when your ex-partner uses the system as another tool for control. But what if advocacy didn’t have to mean becoming hardened or adversarial?

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, Sybil is joined by Becky Sampson, founder of a subpoena support service and a survivor who turned her own three-and-a-half-year divorce battle into a mission to help others navigate family court with confidence, compassion, and strength.

Together, they discuss:

Why knowledge is your greatest form of protection — from learning court terminology to understanding your rights.
How documentation can make or break your case (and what judges actually look for).
The role of subpoenas, when to use them, and why they can be a game-changer in uncovering hidden information.
Balancing empathy and boundaries — learning to lead with heart without letting it be weaponized.
What self-advocacy looks like for survivors representing themselves in court.
Why your worth and your parenting are not defined by the outcome of a case.

Whether you’re preparing for your first hearing, fighting post-decree motions, or simply trying to stay steady through the process, this episode offers both practical tools and deep validation.

Connect with Becky:

Website: https://beckysampson.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcingstrongbeckysampson
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beckysampson/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beckysampson11/

📚 Resources Mentioned:

Becky’s free 100 Divorce Terms You Need to Know download — available at beckysampson.com
The Rising Beyond Podcast episodes on documentation, parenting plans, and preparing for court.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Do the double standards that show up in a narcissistic relationship and “co-parenting” relationship drive you crazy?

Double standards are a hallmark of narcissistic abuse and are pervasive even (maybe especially) after you have left the relationship.

In this episode we explore why someone with narcissism requires these double standards to work in their world and how the larger system allows and supports them to continue. We also discuss ways in which you can lessen their emotional impact, decide if and when to engage and point the double standards out, and how best to do this to present as a good “co-parent.”

While the double standards will always be a part of any relationship your ex partner has, you can make shifts to not allow it to take so much of your emotional energy.

Be sure to listen to Episode 83: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: Strategies for Modifying the Parenting Plan - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/14356912-ep-83-co-parenting-with-a-narcissist-strategies-for-modifying-the-parenting-plan

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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In this week’s Friday Coaching Corner, I respond to a mom’s heartfelt question that so many survivors share:

“How do I support my children’s relationship with their dad—because the court says I have to—while knowing he is emotionally and psychologically abusing them every week?”

This episode dives deep into one of the hardest balancing acts for protective parents: offering emotional honesty and safety without crossing into parental alienation.

You’ll hear strategies and validation around:

How to build felt safety for your children when the other home is unsafe.
Why it’s vital not to gaslight your kids—and what to say instead.
How to reflect what you see (“Your body looks like it needs to move after visits”) instead of judging or rescuing.
Using simple rituals and routines to help kids regulate after contact with the abusive parent.
How to teach emotional intelligence and discernment so your kids can identify safe people and unsafe behaviors.
Ways to contrast your safe home environment with the other parent’s behavior—without speaking negatively about them.
The truth that children need one consistent, unconditional, loving caregiver to build resilience—and that person can be you.

This episode is a compassionate guide for every survivor-parent navigating the impossible tension between protecting your children and being forced to “support” a relationship that hurts them.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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How do you communicate with someone who continues to abuse you post separation?

I cannot stress how important it is to learn how to communicate with your “high conflict” co-parent in ways that will protect you and your mental health in order to better protect your children.

In this episode I talk with Jill Kaufman about how she supports those going through a “high conflict” divorce and post separation abuse find peace in their lives while also having to communicate with their coparent about their children. We discuss the pitfalls that many survivors fall into, how to pick your battles, and how to stop taking everything said personally to protect your peace.

Jill Kaufman is a Therapist, Divorce Coach, Mediator & Co-parenting Expert. After going through her own difficult divorce, she made it her life’s mission to help others not have it so tough. Her book, online course and transformative group coaching program help parents navigate the overwhelming process of divorce both emotionally and strategically with less stress, more confidence and a greater sense of peace.

Connect with Jill:

Website: www.divorcecoachjill.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoachjill/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jill.kaufman.353, https://www.facebook.com/groups/separationanddivorcesupportcommunity

If you are struggling with communicating with your ex, Rising Beyond Power and Control offers many resources including our Canned Responses that can help when you just can’t find the words.

Register here for the workshop happening November 11th, 2025 - Family Court Doesn't Have to Break You: Practical and Emotional Preparation for Survivors |
https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/courtprep

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Family court can feel like it’s designed to wear you down. The long waits, the unpredictability, the endless back-and-forth with your ex — it can seem impossible to get through without breaking.

But what if you didn’t have to let court define you?

In this episode, Sybil shares how survivors can walk through family court with steadiness and strength. Instead of waiting for one big “final win,” you’ll learn how to find momentum in small victories, focus your energy where it counts, and adopt key mindset shifts that protect your well-being along the way.

You’ll hear about:

Small wins that matter — how to recognize progress in the middle of a long battle.
Control vs. no control — a practical way to separate what deserves your energy from what doesn’t.
Mindset shifts that sustain you, including:
- Court is a chapter, not your whole story.
- Your strength is not defined by the outcome.
- Preparation is power.
- The courtroom doesn’t define your parenting.
- Endurance over perfection.
- Anchoring in values when the process feels chaotic.

Court is difficult — but with these strategies, it doesn’t have to break you.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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In this week’s Friday Coaching Corner, I respond to a listener who’s six years post–custody loss and doing her best to stay connected with her teen daughter—while being accused of crossing boundaries and “embarrassing” her.

This mom wonders: “Am I doing okay? Or am I being walked over by my child and my ex?”

It’s a question many protective parents ask themselves when trying to balance compassion, boundaries, and the constant pressure to appear “perfect” under the court’s microscope.

In this episode, I explore:

What it means to show unconditional love without losing your footing.
How to reframe communication to focus on love, connection, and curiosity instead of control.
The difference between compassionate boundaries and compliance.
How to handle teens who use “therapy language” to push back or deflect.
Why you can (and should) stop caring what outsiders think.
Hope for parents who’ve lost time with their kids—how consistent, grounded love can bring them back in the long run.

This episode is for every parent who’s been told they’re “too soft,” when in reality, they’re showing incredible restraint and resilience in the face of impossible systems and emotionally complex parenting.

Want your question featured in a future Friday Coaching Corner? Send a short paragraph explaining your situation and 2–3 specific questions to info@risingbeyondpc.com.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Walking into family court is intimidating enough — and then your ex smirks, rolls their eyes, or drops a lie designed to rattle you. On top of that, opposing counsel may throw you questions that feel like traps or come out of nowhere.

In this episode, Sybil breaks down how to keep your composure in court when your ex tries to provoke you, and how to handle curveball questions during cross-examination.

You’ll learn:

Why abusers use provocation in court and how judges often notice your reaction more than the provocation itself.
Simple emotional defense strategies — like the “poker face,” grounding tools, and focusing only on the judge.
The most common types of curveball questions attorneys ask (from vague to rapid-fire) and how to respond without being trapped.
Practical scripts for redirecting with calm and keeping the focus on your child’s needs.

These strategies don’t make court easy — but they can help you feel steady, credible, and prepared in a system that often feels stacked against you.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Family court is often the last place survivors expect to or actually find safety, yet for so many, it’s where their battle continues. What if we could do something to change that?

I’m talking with Jill Montes and Dr. Ramona Probasco from the Healing While Living Free Foundation to talk about the systemic failures of family court, why survivors often lose their voice in the process, and what can actually be done to shift things, starting with training attorneys.

Together, we dive into:

Why family court isn’t designed for abuse cases and how survivors end up at a disadvantage from the start.
How abusers present in court vs. how survivors show up in trauma—and why courts often misinterpret both.
The dangerous myths that persist, like “mutual abuse” or “false reporting,” and how they harm protective parents.
Their new resource for attorneys and judges: practical do’s and don’ts to represent survivors safely and effectively.
The role of “super traits” like empathy and loyalty that make survivors vulnerable to abuse—and how to reclaim them as strengths.
Why training attorneys now matters for the future of family court.

We share with full honesty, lived experience, and hope for change. If you’re navigating family court or supporting someone who is, you’ll walk away with clarity, validation, and concrete ideas for next steps.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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...

In this week’s Friday Coaching Corner, I respond to a heartbreaking listener story that highlights just how overwhelming it can feel to keep fighting for your child when the family court system and even your own attorney seem to be standing in the way.

This listener’s ex-partner is refusing to comply with the court order requiring their child to participate in family therapy, therapy that could be covered by Medicaid, while continuing to manipulate both the child and the process. The result is devastating: a protective parent with only a weekly phone call and a mountain of grief, legal obstacles, and financial strain.

Questions Answered in this Episode:

How to use the exact language in your court order to advocate for family therapy.
The difference between family therapy and reunification therapy (and why it matters for insurance coverage).
Practical steps for documenting refusals and setting up a motion to compel, rather than just contempt proceedings.
Strategies for getting your unresponsive attorney to act, including how to organize your communications using the Rocks in a Jar method.
Where to turn for ADA accommodation requests or grievances in Colorado.
Speaking to the grief of being kept from your child—and why your early bond still matters.

This is a tough but important conversation. If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying the whole burden of advocacy while the system lets you down, I hope you find both validation and practical direction here.

Referred Links:
Rocks in a Jar video - https://www.canva.com/design/DAGv_UPUPeA/aGbiC6yT5hNhbsoevU-cQQ/edit
Project Justice USA Survey - https://www.projectjusticeusa.com/

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What happens when you bring a passionate male advocate for survivors of domestic violence into a space that’s usually led by women? That’s what we're doing in this episode!

I talk with Michael, a rare but powerful male voice in this movement, to talk about the complexities of abuse, how children really experience it, and what it looks like for men to step into prevention and healing work.

Together, we cover:

An unexpected start: How a “mess around job” at a domestic violence shelter shifted Michael’s path and purpose.
Kids always know: Why children absorb far more than we think when abuse is happening at home.
The gender gap: What keeps men out of advocacy spaces—and what could change that.
Breaking cycles: Michael’s stories from working with boys and men, and how change actually happens.
Parenting through it: How survivors can support their children in building healthy relationships and identities.
The role of women: What’s yours to carry, and what isn’t, when it comes to men’s healing.

This conversation is honest, challenging, and full of hope. If you’ve ever wondered how to raise compassionate boys, how to include men in real culture change, or how to support your kids after abuse, this is one you won’t want to miss.

Michael Brasher, PhD, PCIC is a men's coach, researcher, and author working at the intersection of public health, gender, and racial justice. He helps men and boys unlearn toxic conditioning to build safe, equitable relationships with women, and engages them as allies in ending gender-based violence. His work focuses on the socialization of masculinity as a public health issue, with a research emphasis on domestic violence and anti-Blackness.

Connect with Michael:

Is Your Partner a Robot? Take the free quiz: https://michael-odkf51tb.scoreapp.com/
Free Healthy Masculinity Men’s Monthly Talking Circle: https://michael-uwrnhoyd.scoreapp.com
Social Media: @lifeunboundcoaching
Book some time with Me: https://dot.cards/michaelbrasher

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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When it comes to domestic violence and coercive control, the systems we rely on to protect children are often looking at the wrong thing.

Instead of assessing for patterns like, long-term, consistent dynamics of fear, control, and power imbalances, many custody decisions are still made based on isolated incidents. And that’s a huge problem.

In this solo episode, I’m sharing why we need a major shift in how we assess safety, parenting, attachment, and the best interests of the child, and how a pattern-based approach can more accurately reflect the lived experience of survivors and their children.

We’ll talk about:

Why coercive control often doesn’t show up in isolated “incidents”
How this outdated model fails kids in custody evaluations
Why it can take months or even a year for a child to feel safe enough to reveal the full picture in therapy
The dangers of assuming we can determine a child’s best interest after two brief sessions with an evaluator

Whether you're a survivor navigating the family court system or a professional working in this space, this episode offers clarity and validation, and a call to do better by the families most impacted.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Welcome to our very first Friday Coaching Corner! In this session, I answer questions from a listener navigating the challenges of living near her abusive ex, parenting through manipulation, and dealing with silent treatment in co-parenting apps.

The listener shares that her ex still lives in an outbuilding on the marital property, creating constant stress and safety concerns. On top of that, her ex is weaponizing the children against her, and she’s experiencing co-parenting sabotage through both denial of parenting time and the silent treatment in their communication app.

I answer these questions...

How can I create a sense of safety in my home when my abusive ex lives so close by?
How do I respond when my 13-year-old mimics my ex’s critical tone and behavior toward me, and how should I explain this shift to their therapist?
What strategies can I use when my co-parent stops responding to messages and uses the silent treatment as a tactic?

Want to have your questions featured on a Friday Coaching Corner? Send me a short summary of your situation and 2–3 questions at info@risingbeyondpc.com.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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After years of surviving post-separation abuse and high-conflict co-parenting, you may find yourself disconnected from your older teen or adult child. Maybe they’re distant. Maybe they believe things about you that aren’t true. Or maybe they just don’t seem to want a relationship anymore. It can be heartbreaking.

Listen for ideas on how to begin rebuilding a stronger, more grounded connection with teenager or adult child, even when the path feels uncertain.

We cover:

The emotional and developmental landscape of older teens and young adults
How loyalty binds, trauma, and autonomy affect the parent-child dynamic
Common emotional struggles parents face — like grief, guilt, and helplessness
Small but powerful ways to reopen communication and rebuild trust
The importance of boundaries — for you and for them
How to let go of control while still showing up with love and steadiness
What to do if your child isn’t ready (yet) to reconnect

I hope this episode leaves you feeling more grounded in your role as a parent, even if the relationship looks different than you hoped, and more confident in taking steps toward authentic, lasting connection.

Want to share your experience or ask a question for a future episode? You can do that anonymously via https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/podcasts.html or email me at info@risingbeyondpc.com.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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One of the most horrific and insidious consequences of coercive control and dv is the systematic way in which an abuser strips away their victim’s sense of self and identity. One of the most impactful parts of the healing process is rebuilding that connection with the self and redefining your roles and identities.

On this episode, I invited my friend and colleague, Erin Siegel to share how the framework of Human Design has been pivotal as she heals from her abuse and continued post separation abuse and how it could be a tool for your healing as well.

Erin Siegel, Master Aesthetician, Certified High Conflict Divorce and Parenting Coach, and Human Design guide and Creatrix of Fortitude & Flourish, shares how this powerful system has supported her own transformation and how it can support yours, especially while navigating healing trauma and navigating the family courts.

Books Mentioned:
• A Modern Guide to Human Design by Rachel Lieberman
• The Definitive Book of Human Design: The Science of Differentiation by Ra Uru Hu & Lynda Bunnell

Human Design App:
• HDesign App – Why we love it: You can add your children’s charts and gain insights on how to parent and relate more consciously.

Explore your unique blueprint and connect with community through one of our upcoming events:
→ Human Design Social Gathering
→ Divorce Unlocked Community Gatherings

GIVEAWAY!
Win a free pair of tickets to the Human Design Social Gathering
Text your name, phone number, email, and a brief note about how you’ve risen beyond power and control to 720-933-8848.
Deadline: 1 week after this episode airs.
The winner will be announced on IG and contacted directly!

Book your complimentary coaching call with Erin here:
https://calendly.com/fortitudeandflourish/holistic-coaching-complimentary-discovery-call

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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For many survivors, the deepest wound from coercive control is the loss of your connection to who you truly are. And for many women, especially protective mothers, your role as a mom becomes so entwined with your identity that life changes. Whether it's from abuse, family court challenges, or shifting seasons of parenting. It can all feel cataclysmic.

I’m joined by my friend and colleague, Stephanie Konter- O’Hara, LPC, to have an honest conversation about rebuilding identity after abuse. We explore how societal pressures, “supermom” expectations, and systemic biases in parenting roles impact women’s sense of worth. We also share tips for reconnecting with your authentic self, redefining your roles, and parenting in alignment with your values, even under the watchful eye of family court or in the face of counter-parenting.

We cover:

Why abuse and coercive control so effectively strip away identity and autonomy
The difference between “role” and “identity” in parenting for mothers and fathers
How societal biases and family court systems reinforce perfectionism for moms
The dangers of tying your worth to “performing” motherhood perfectly
How to reframe parenting decisions through values rather than outside pressure
Why connection, not perfection, creates lasting impact on your kids
Navigating limited or supervised parenting time while keeping connection alive
The role of community and shared stories in healing from relational trauma

Whether you’re still in the storm of family court or finally in a season where healing feels possible, this episode offers hope, practical tools, and reminders that you are already enough just as you are.

Connect with Stephanie:

Instagram: @redefining_us_pod
Website: www.wellmindedcounseling.com/redefining_us_pod

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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You worked SO hard to find a therapist for your child and getting consent from your ex was no easy feat. And now your child isn’t talking.

If your child isn’t talking in therapy — or worse, tells you it’s “boring” or “pointless” — you’re not alone. Many parents feel discouraged or even panicked when therapy doesn’t look the way they expected. In this episode, I’ll walk you through the common reasons children (especially those navigating trauma or high-conflict family dynamics) may shut down in therapy — and what you can do to support the process without getting in the way.

We’ll talk about:

Why silence in therapy isn’t necessarily a bad sign
What NOT to do when your child seems disengaged
Simple ways to support trust-building between your child and their therapist
When (and how) to check in with the therapist
Why patience and presence are your superpowers as a parent

You’ll leave with practical ideas and a deeper understanding of how healing actually starts for kids — even when they’re not saying much.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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It’s that time of the year when kids go back to school. This is stressful for most families, but if you are coparenting with a narcissist the stress can increase exponentially.

In this episode we are talking about how the start of the school year opens up opportunities for your ex to double down on their smear campaign, their continued expectations of you to be their secretary even though you are no longer together, and other ways they cause chaos at the school. But, there are things that you can do to minimize their attacks and maintain your sanity during a stressful time of year. Listen for some tips.

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If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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If you’ve ever had to interact with Child Protective Services (CPS), you know the process can feel confusing, overwhelming, and, let’s be honest, downright terrifying. Whether you’ve made a report, had one made against you, or are just trying to protect your child in the midst of a high-conflict situation, understanding the system is key.

In this episode, I’m speaking with Christine Garcia, LPC, a seasoned therapist and fierce advocate for families, to demystify what actually happens when CPS gets involved. Together, we discuss how the system works (and how it doesn’t), what survivors of domestic violence need to know, and how to best communicate and document when CPS is part of your reality.

We don’t shy away from the hard stuff, like how the system can retraumatize survivors or misunderstand coercive control, but we also offer practical tips for how to protect yourself and your child through the process.

Connect with Christine:

https://cwccolorado.com/

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If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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In this episode, I go on a bit of a rant—and for good reason.

When people in positions of power make sweeping decisions without input from the people most affected, the results are often not just ineffective… they’re harmful.

I share a recent example from my own therapy practice, where state-level Medicaid changes made by HCPF (Colorado’s Department of Health Care Policy & Financing) have had huge ripple effects—harming my team’s ability to provide care and hurting the very clients those changes were supposed to help.

And unfortunately, this isn’t a one-off issue. It’s a pattern we see all the time in the family court system.

Survivors of domestic violence are rarely invited to the table when reforms are discussed or policies are implemented. Professionals make assumptions, apply blanket solutions, and often ignore the lived experiences of the people navigating these systems every single day.

In this episode, I explore:

Why top-down decisions without feedback loops cause damage
How survivors are continuously silenced and sidelined in court processes
The emotional toll of fighting systems that claim to help—but don’t listen
Why true change must include the voices of those impacted

Whether you’ve felt powerless in court, frustrated by the mental health system, or just plain angry at the disconnect between what’s needed and what’s delivered—this one’s for you.

Tune in and share your own story. We need more survivor voices in these conversations.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Money isn't just about numbers—it's about our stories, our sense of worth, and the messages we've absorbed over time.

In this powerful episode, I'm speaking with a financial therapist (and friend) Khara, Croswaite Brindle, LPC, CFT to explore how our beliefs about money are deeply shaped by our past—especially for survivors of abuse. We talk about how messages from childhood, cultural conditioning, and the experience of financial abuse or control from an ex-partner can distort the way we view ourselves and our financial decisions.

If you've ever felt shame, fear, or confusion around money, or if you've found yourself stuck in scarcity or self-sabotage, tune into this one.

Khara also shares practical tools and mindset shifts you can start using today to challenge negative money beliefs and begin healing your relationship with finances. You’ll learn that financial wellness isn't just about saving or budgeting—it's about reclaiming your autonomy and rewriting the story that money tells about you.

Connect with Khara:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kharacroswaite/
https://croswaitecounselingpllc.com/financial-therapy
https://www.instagram.com/kharacroswaite/

References:

Financial therapist (online directory): https://financialtherapyassociation.org/find-a-financial-therapist/
Financial Therapy Books List: https://www.riverbendfinancialtherapy.com/resources
Money Minus Shame Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/money-minus-shame/id1789593271
Money Healing Club (online community): https://www.moneyhealingclub.com/
Book (and workbook of financial therapy exercises) Your Enneagram and Money: https://a.co/d/bQGu3oo

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, no matter how hard you try, this episode is for you. In this episode, we explore how trauma and post-separation abuse can wire your brain for shame, self-doubt, and a deep sense of inadequacy.

You’ll learn how those “not good enough” beliefs aren’t your truth - instead you’ll see that they are neural pathways shaped by chronic invalidation, coercion, and fear. And most importantly, you’ll hear ways to begin disrupting that narrative and cultivating a sense of worthiness from within.

In this episode I talk about:

Why survivors of abuse often carry deep-seated beliefs of inadequacy
How trauma and repeated invalidation shape your brain’s sense of self
Small, doable acts of self-trust that begin to rewire that belief
How to root into your values and start showing up for yourself
The power of recognizing this belief as part of the trauma, not your identity

You don’t have to be perfect, healed, or strong all the time to be enough. You already are.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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If you’ve ever found yourself staring at a to-do list, knowing what needs to get done but feeling completely stuck… you're not alone.

You know what needs to get done. You even want to do it. But the overwhelm hits like a wave and suddenly the dishwasher, the court papers, the email you need to send—it all feels impossible.

This week’s podcast episode is for those days.

In this episode, I break down how trauma, and especially the ongoing stress of post-separation abuse, disrupts your brain’s executive function.

If you're beating yourself up for not being "productive enough," please give this episode a listen. You’ll walk away with a little more compassion for yourself—and a few tools to make life feel a bit more manageable.

Ep 158: Felt Safety After Trauma: Why You Can’t Heal Without It https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/17419028

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Your ex says, “They don’t act that way at my house,” and then the GAL or judge deems that you are the worst parent?

If you’re the parent your child melts down with, you might be blamed for being too soft, too emotional, or too permissive. But what if your child is acting this way because they feel safe with you?

We're diving into the misunderstood dynamics of how children behave differently between two homes, especially when one home is rooted in coercive control or emotional unsafety. I’ll explore why your child might appear calm and obedient in one environment but fall apart in another, and why this behavior is often misinterpreted in court or by professionals.

You’ll learn:

Why “good” behavior doesn’t always mean a child feels safe
What trauma responses can look like in kids—especially freeze, fawn, or performative behaviors
Why emotional outbursts may signal trust in the safe parent
How family court often gets this dynamic wrong, and how to reframe it
What protective parents can do to validate their own experience and advocate for their child

If you’ve been made to feel like the problem because your child cries, resists transitions, or has big feelings in your care—this episode is for you.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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What happens when the world tells you that you need “safety” to heal from trauma, but your life after leaving abuse still feels anything but safe?

We’re talking about felt safety—what it is, why it matters, and how to begin creating moments of it even when post-separation abuse is ongoing.

Sybil talks about:

The difference between actual safety and felt safety
Why most trauma therapies rely on safety as a starting point, and what to do when that’s not your reality
How felt safety helps your nervous system shift out of survival mode, even in tiny doses
Tools for creating micro-moments of safety in your body, relationships, and environment
Why your child’s behavior may be linked to their sense of safety—and how to foster it, even when co-parenting with someone who is harmful

Drawing on the work of trauma and attachment expert Robyn Gobbel, we explore how felt safety unlocks the door to healing, and how you can offer that gift to yourself and your children starting today.

Whether you're in the thick of court battles, navigating scary transitions, or just feeling stuck in survival mode—this episode is here to remind you: you don’t have to wait to be “safe” to start healing.

Link to - Episode 101: The Protective Parent’s Guide to Parenting with Guest Robyn Gobbel, MSW.

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Navigating a high-conflict divorce is overwhelming on its own — but when you're also raising a child with special needs? The legal, emotional, and logistical challenges multiply.

In this important conversation, Sybil sits down with Dr. Susan Bernstein, a Certified Divorce Coach and expert in high-conflict divorce involving children with special needs. Drawing from her experience as both a professional and a mother of a child with severe special needs, Susan shares critical insights, concrete strategies, and the systemic gaps families must prepare for.

Whether you're in the thick of a custody battle, advocating for services, or worried about long-term care and planning — this episode will offer clarity, hope, and tangible next steps.

What You’ll Learn:

Why the divorce rate is significantly higher for parents of children with special needs
How high-conflict personalities often resist diagnosis or care for their child — and what that means for legal decision-making
The long-term financial, medical, and educational planning you must include in your parenting plan
How to structure a tiered parenting plan with clear benchmarks and consequences
The importance of documenting behaviors instead of using psychological labels in court
Why many parents of special needs kids don’t get the relief of a countdown to 18 — and what long-term advocacy really looks like
The surprising “silver lining” of divorce when it comes to planning for a child’s lifelong care

Connect w Dr. Susan:

G: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach__plus/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/SusanKBernsteincdc

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-susan-bernstein-new-york-s-premier-divorce-coach-5aa32510/

https://www.divorcecoachplus.com/

https://divorcewithspecialneedschildren.com/

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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Ever look in the mirror and think, “I don’t even know who I am anymore”?

If you've survived a coercive, abusive relationship — or are still dealing with the chaos of post-separation abuse — that feeling isn’t just common, it’s expected. You’ve been in survival mode for so long that things like identity, purpose, and values may feel like luxuries you can’t afford.

But what if reconnecting with your values is exactly what helps you move forward.

In this episode Sybil gets real about what happens to your sense of self after abuse — and how you can begin to reclaim it, even if you're still living in the storm of post-separation chaos. She’ll walk you through how your values got buried (or used against you), why reconnecting with them is not optional for healing, and a powerful exercise that helps uncover what truly matters to you.

This is not about reinventing yourself — it’s about remembering who you are.

You'll Learn:

Why your values were likely distorted or silenced during the abuse
How moral injury shows up when you're forced to act against your beliefs
What your current pain might reveal about your deepest values
A powerful journaling exercise to help you reconnect with your truth
How to start living by your values again — even in tiny ways — and why that changes everything

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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If you’ve ever been told that a psychological test “proved” you were unstable or overeactive in your custody case—while your abusive ex seemed cool, calm, and collected—you are not alone.

In this short but important episode, I’m unpacking why the MMPI and MMPI-2—often used in court-ordered evaluations—can misrepresent survivors of coercive control and domestic violence. These tests were not designed with trauma survivors in mind, and their results can be dangerously misinterpreted when evaluators aren’t trained in coercive dynamics.

I’ll also explain how abusers, especially narcissists, often “pass” these tests easily by presenting as emotionally flat or in control—while the survivor appears anxious, reactive, or paranoid, all of which are normal trauma responses.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating family court, custody evaluations, or preparing for a psychological assessment after surviving abuse.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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How much did financial abuse impact you in your relationship?

We know that over 98% of all domestic violence victims experience some form of financial abuse and that it does not stop once you have left.

So, how can you be prepared for your separation and divorce and be set up to survive in the aftermath?

Because I am not a financial expert AND because I understand the devastation that financial abuse can cause, I asked Jun Chen, a certified divorce financial analyst and certified financial planner to share his knowledge with all of us. We discuss the basics, like what a CDFA actually does and the best ways to prepare to the more nuanced questions around what to do if your ex is hiding money.

And similar to most aspects of divorcing a narcissistic and abusive partner, there are nuances to your situation. So, if this episode has given your more questions that you started out with or something wasn’t answered…I invite you to come to our FREE Q&A style workshop on June 12th.

REGISTER FOR THE FREE WORKSHOP W/ JUN: https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/finances

About Jun: With over 13 years of experience in the financial services industry, Jun Chen is a seasoned wealth advisor known for providing comprehensive, client centric guidance tailored at each stage of life. As a Certified Financial Planner™ (CFP®), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), and Certified Plan Fiduciary Advisor™ (CPFA™), Jun brings a uniquely broad skill set to families seeking to create bespoke financial plans that require a high level of expertise.

Jun specializes in holistic financial planning, investment management, retirement planning, and workplace retirement plans. Known for a thoughtful, educational approach, Jun prioritizes building long-term relationships rooted in trust and transparency.

Outside the office, Jun is active in the local community, frequently volunteering as a pro bono CFP with Women's Resource Center to End Domestic Violence and Wings For Widows He is also a board member of Sunnyside, a non-profit focused on resources for neurodivergent individuals. Jun believes that financial planning should not be limited to those of high net worth but available to those who might not have the resources.

Connect with Jun:
linkedin.com/in/jun-chen-cfp®-cdfa®-cpfa®-067bb443
Email: jun.team@fida

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Are you in need of a little bit of hope?

If you are a survivor of coercive control and domestic abuse (or a professional who works in this space) then hope can often be hard to come by.

In this episode, I reconnect with coercive control expert, Kate Amber, M.S. after our joint presentation at this year's International Justice Center Conference in San Diego in order to share our reflections from our experience. We share some of the questions we were asked during our panel along with our answers, some of the most impactful speakers and presentations we were able to attend and how their topics may impact you, along with our overall reflections of where the field is trending. And this is where both Kate and I experienced some hope and hopefully you will too.

Since many of you were not able to be there with us, we wanted to be able to share with you so that you can start to see some of the hope too.

Episode 66 with Kate: “Breaking Down Coercive Control” - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/13665588

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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If you’ve ever thought, “I should be further along by now,” this episode is for you.
When you’re still navigating post-separation abuse, family court chaos, or co-parenting with someone who continues to hurt you, healing might not look—or feel—like what you expected. You might still freeze when a message comes in. You might still cry in the car before showing up for your kids. And you might believe that means you're not healing.

But what if the most important signs of healing are the ones no one sees—not even you?

We’re talking about the invisible signs of progress: the quiet, powerful shifts that don’t get celebrated but matter immensely.

You’ll hear:

Why healing doesn’t always feel like joy or peace—and what it might feel like instead
Real-life examples of subtle progress that survivors often overlook
How trauma makes it harder to recognize growth, even when it’s happening
A new way to think about hope when the future feels foggy

Because even if it doesn’t feel like it… you are healing.

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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As you heal from the narcissistic abuse from an intimate partner, you might come to this realization - that one of your parents is also a narcissist and has been abusive.

Sometimes this realization is mind blowing and stops you in your tracks forcing you to rethink everything you thought you knew about your childhood and the family you grew up with.

In today’s episode I have a conversation with Katherine Fabrizio, a therapist working with these dynamics for decades, more specifically with the mother daughter relationship resulting in “The Good Daughter Syndrome.”

We discuss the dynamics and challenges that arise for the daughters of mothers with narcissistic or other difficult personalities throughout their lives. This includes the subconscious conditioning that starts during the early childhood years and how that impacts all of their relationships moving forward. Katherine shares how she works with clients with these challenges with some ideas and tips that you can take and use right away after listening to this episode.

BIO: Katherine Fabrizio, M.A., L.C.M.H.C., psychotherapist, mother, and author, has treated adult daughters of difficult mothers trapped in the “Good Daughter” role for over 35 years.

Book https://a.co/d/0kUKQtO/
Quiz -https://daughtersrising.info/good-daughter-quiz/

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Feeling completely burned out from healing? You’re not alone.

In this episode, Sybil dives into a phase of healing that almost no one talks about — the exhaustion that hits after leaving an abusive relationship. If you're feeling numb, unmotivated, or like healing is suddenly impossible… this is for you.
We’ll explore:

Why burnout happens after you finally find safety
How the nervous system shifts from fight/flight to freeze
What healing burnout really looks like (spoiler: it’s not laziness)
How to give yourself permission to rest and reset
A gentle guided practice to reconnect with your body, without shame
How to reframe what “progress” really means

And if you're listening when this episode goes live — enrollment for The Rising Beyond Community is open until May 8th, 2025 at 11:59pm MST. If burnout is where you are right now, the community could be the lifeline you didn’t know you needed.

🎧 Join the community: risingbeyondpc.com/membership

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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In this episode, I speak with attorney, advocate, and author Meg Groff, whose 40+ years of experience supporting victims of domestic violence have impacted countless families. We dive into the critical missteps attorneys often make in family court, how those missteps put survivors and children at risk, and what needs to change. Meg also shares insights from her powerful new book, Not If I Can Help It, and offers a vision for how legal systems, legislation, and cultural understanding must evolve to better protect survivors.

About Meg:
Meg Groff is an attorney, advocate, and author with more than four decades of experience representing victims of domestic violence in family court. She has trained thousands of professionals on the dynamics of abuse, contributed to legislation protecting survivors, and developed legal programs ensuring free representation for victims seeking protection. Since retiring from trial work, she continues to consult, mentor, and write, most recently authoring Not If I Can Help It, a memoir and call to action for legal and cultural reform.

Connect with Meg:
Buy Not If I Can Help It - https://www.amazon.com/Not-If-Can-Help-Domestic/dp/1953943470/ref=sr_1_1?
Meg Groff Twitter/X - @meggroffauthor
Meg Groff Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61571087065596
Meg Groff Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/meggroff2025/
www.meggroff.com

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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You finally left. You survived.

So why do you still feel like you're the one who did something wrong?

We’re unpacking the survivor’s guilt and moral injury that often surface after leaving an abusive relationship—especially when your children are still in contact with the abusive parent, or when you feel like others "had it worse."

We explore:

The psychological and emotional experience of moral injury
The guilt of not being able to protect your children full-time
How survivors remain stuck with “no-win” decisions
How survivors often minimize their own trauma
The long-term impact of being the safe parent while the abuser still holds power
And, most importantly, how to begin healing and moving from moral injury to moral resilience

If you're listening to this as it comes out, this episode is a prelude to my upcoming workshop (May 2, 2025) on healing from moral injury—if you’ve ever felt crushed by guilt for surviving or worry that your pain isn’t valid, this is for you.

Referenced episodes:

Episode 141: The Shame Was Never Yours: Healing from Vicarious Shame After Abuse - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/16741508

Ep 147: Co-Parenting with a Manipulative Ex: How to Shield Your Child from Coercive Control - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/16971544

Ep 50: How Narcissistic Abuse Leads to Moral Injury - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/12984312

Ep 56: Start Healing from Moral Injury with Guest Dr. Daniel Roberts - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/13198006

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Abusers who use coercive control don’t just manipulate one person—they manipulate everyone around them, including their own children. As a protective parent, whether you’ve left the relationship or are still navigating it, how can you empower your child to recognize manipulation and maintain their sense of self?

In this episode, we dive deep into:

✔️ How coercive control tactics—like triangulation, gaslighting, and emotional withholding—are used against children
✔️ The subtle and overt ways abusers condition kids to doubt themselves and comply with their demands
✔️ Why strengthening your bond with your child is the first and most critical step in protecting them
✔️ How to foster open communication and critical thinking without “disparaging” the other parent (and putting your legal case at risk)
✔️ Practical strategies to help children recognize manipulation and trust their own perceptions
✔️ How to teach emotional intelligence, body awareness, and discernment in an age-appropriate way

🎙 Why This Matters:
Coercive control isn’t always loud—it’s often the silent conditioning that strips a child of their developing identity. As a safe parent, you can give your child the tools to recognize manipulation and make empowered choices, even in the most challenging co-parenting situations.

Referrenced Links:"
Episode 101: The Protective Parent’s Guide to Parenting with Guest Robyn Gobbel, MSW - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/15091121

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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As you start healing from coercive control and domestic violence within your relationship, it is likely that you will start to have revelations about other relationships in your life.

Patterns and experiences in your family of origin, specifically with your parents may come to the forefront, especially if there was physical or emotional abandonment.

We welcome Kaytee Gillis, LCSW back to The Rising Beyond Podcast as we do a deep dive on the impacts of parental abandonment; what that means, how you have been impacted, how cultural messages have impacted your ability to understand unhealthy dynamics, and what you can do now on your healing journey to heal those attachment wounds.

Kaytee Specializes in working with survivors of family and relationship trauma, psychological abuse, and CPTSD. She is a psychotherapist, author, educator and proud cat mom of three fur babies. She has published 4 books, two on the topic of intimate partner violence and two on family trauma and her newest book, “Healing from Parental Abandonment and Neglect” may be a game changer as you process your relationship with your parents.

Connect with Kaytee:
https://www.kaytlyngillislcsw.com/

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Language shapes how we see ourselves, our experiences, and our healing journey. In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, we’re diving into why words matter for survivors of domestic violence—how they can be used to manipulate and harm, and how they can also be reclaimed to empower and heal.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✔️ The power of survivor language vs. the gaslighting words abusers use.
✔️ How trauma-informed language can support healing while victim-blaming language hinders it.
✔️ The role of the media and family court in shaping narratives around abuse.
✔️ How abusers weaponize language to maintain control—gaslighting, word salad, and blame-shifting.
✔️ Why naming experiences like coercive control, post-separation abuse, and trauma bonding is so validating.
✔️ The impact of self-talk on your recovery and how to reframe harmful internalized messages.
✔️ How to reclaim your narrative and choose empowering language for yourself.

Why This Matters:
Language isn’t just about words—it’s about power, control, validation, and healing. When survivors don’t have the right words to describe their experiences, they can feel lost or even doubt their own reality. But when they do? It’s like turning on a light in a dark room.

Glossary: www.risingbeyondpc.com/glossary

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Being able to share your experiences of coercive control and domestic violence in a way that is credible is imperative if you are dealing with any larger systems or trying to get support from friends and family.

And this is something survivors of abuse struggle with.

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast we look at not only the importance of sharing a credible story, but the common challenges that survivors face and then some practical steps that can be taken to improve the level of credibility that you can gain when telling your story.

Some of the top challenges are:
The myths and misconceptions about domestic violence that lead to bias
The timeline of family court and other evaluations do not allow for healing to happen before a survivor needs to tell their story
The trauma responses that arise when sharing the narrative
Survivors sharing context before their key points, concerns or asks

Some of the ways discussed to become more credible:

Use “rocks in a jar” for all communication
Find ways to regulate your nervous system
Use the support of others to find places and people where it is safe to be safe

Please leave us a review or rating and follow/subscribe to the show. This helps the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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How often have you felt voice-less and silenced as a survivor of coercive control and domestic violence?

Survivors are voice-less when living in the relationship with their abuser. They also often do not get a chance to speak their truth in family court or within any other larger systems either.

And so when you are in a place where you want to be heard and decide to make things more public, it is possible that your abuser will do anything and everything to silence you again. This is what happened to my guest, Lorraine Marshall. She received defamation charges against her after writing her book titled, “Post Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment. What Type Of Man?”

So, if you have ever been in a place where you want to be an advocate for other survivors by writing a book or having a podcast or Youtube channel you will need to learn how to protect yourself just in case. Lorraine Marshall shares her story of abuse, how she was silenced, and how she was able to beat the charges filed against her.

Loraine Marshall is a self-published author and survivor of hidden emotional abuse that was revealed to her post-separation. If money was not a concern, I would buy a home and run a retreat to help women in recovery from trauma after any of the three Ds in relationship endings.

Connect with Loraine:
Book - Post Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment. What Type Of Man?
UK - https://amzn.to/3NBlQbx
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B1RVQQDH
Blog - https://successwithloraine.com/when-four-months-turns-into-four-years/
https://ko-fi.com/lorenkeelingauthor https://www.youtube.com/@successwithloraine/podcasts

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None

Supervised visitation and therapeutic visitation are meant to provide safety and structure for children and families navigating complex custody dynamics. But what happens when there are no regulations, inconsistent oversight, and a severe lack of training among those facilitating these visits? In this episode, I share real-life stories, my experiences getting trained, and the major concerns with how these services are currently being implemented. I’ll break down:

What supervised and therapeutic visitation should look like
The risks of unregulated or poorly structured visitation services
Why documentation, training, and therapist collaboration must be prioritized
What we can do to bring awareness and demand better oversight

If you’ve experienced supervised or therapeutic visitation—or have concerns about how it’s being handled in your case—this episode is for you.

Referenced Links:
Episode 44: The Myth of Parental Alienation: What is it really?

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Even though you’ve left the relationship, do you still feel embarrassed when you remember the way your ex treated others? Do you find yourself cringing at memories of their public outbursts, apologizing for their past behavior, or worrying that others judge you because of them?

This lingering sense of responsibility is called vicarious shame—when you feel embarrassed on behalf of someone else’s actions, even though you weren’t the one who did anything wrong.

In this episode, we explore:
✔️ Why vicarious shame lingers long after leaving an abuser
✔️ How abusers used it to manipulate and control you
✔️ The emotional toll of feeling responsible for someone else’s behavior
✔️ Steps to stop carrying their shame and fully step into your own healing

Vicarious shame is a tool abusers rely on to keep you second-guessing yourself, isolating from support, and feeling like you need to "fix" things that were never your fault. But the truth is: You are not responsible for their actions—then or now.

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What if the key to your post-separation freedom wasn’t fighting for control, but letting go of what’s beyond it?

Imagine reclaiming your energy by focusing only on what you can control, even in the face of narcissistic abuse or coercive control. How might that shift your healing journey?

Our guest Karen McMahon is a divorce coach specializing in supporting survivors of narcissistic abuse. Karen shares how to move from helplessness to empowerment. Together, we explore:

The power of accepting your current reality and identifying what is truly within your control.
How the 7 Layers of Energy Blueprint can help you shift your mindset and reclaim your agency.
Practical steps to transform feelings of powerlessness into purposeful action.

If you’re ready to let go of the struggle and embrace a new kind of freedom, this episode is for you.

Karen McMahon is a High Conflict Divorce Strategist, Certified Divorce Coach and Founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. She began divorce coaching in 2010 after recognizing that the pain of her divorce led her on a transformational journey into a powerful and unexpected new life. Karen leads a national team of divorce coaches in supporting men and women around the world to become calm, clear and confident as they navigate divorce. Karen is also the host of the acclaimed Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, and co-author of ‘Stepping out of Chaos: Turning Pain to Possibility”.

Website: https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/media
IG: https://www.instagram.com/journey_beyond_divorce/
Podcast: Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/journey-beyond-divorce-podcast/id1261400624

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You are likely listening to The Rising Beyond Podcast because of coercive control and abuse within a romantic relationship. Unfortunately coercive control often shows up in other relationships as well and can have long term impacts on your mental health and wellness and can interfere with your healing journey.

Many of my clients have experienced what they often call a “test” of their healing. This is when they encounter a narcissistic and abusive person in another area of their lives.

In this episode we dive into how coercive control and abuse can show up in the workplace, in your family of origin, and within friendships. We touch on how to assess for these relationships in other areas of your life and what you can do to minimize their negative impacts on you.

Family of Origin, Referred Episode: Episode 19: Boundaries: I get to decide who’s in my life

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If you are a survivor in the battle ground of family court, would you say that your attorney is representing you well?

Do you feel heard?

Or maybe you do not have the financial means to even hire an attorney.

And so you find yourself going pro se. Representing yourself in family court. This can be extremely scary and it is possible that you will be able to do an even better job going pro se than with an attorney. On this episode of I have a conversation with Casey Schreiber-Brinkman on how she was able to turn her case around to finally be able to protect herself and her children when she got rid of her attorneys and became pro se.

Casey shares her best tips for representing yourself well as well as what a family court coach/consultant can do to help you on this journey. We discuss the importance of documentation, knowing your rights, doing the right research, how to get evidence in as evidence, and more.

About Casey: Casey is a dedicated protective mother who spent nearly five years navigating the complexities of the family court system. For just under three years, she worked with an attorney, but it wasn’t until she took on her case pro se in the last two years that she was able to truly have her voice, and her children’s voices, heard. Through her persistence and determination, Casey successfully turned her case around to protect her children, a journey that sparked her passion for helping other protective moms facing similar challenges.

Connect w Casey:
Tik Tok: @pro.se.strategies
IG: @prosestrategiesLLC
Email: prosestrategies@gmail.com

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Have you ever felt like your entire life is consumed by the chaos of post-separation abuse? What if I told you that there’s a part of you—a healing self—that can exist outside of the constant stress and conflict? And what if you could nurture that part of you, even in the middle of everything you're facing?

There is the delicate balance between the part of you that is stuck in survival mode—managing the daily chaos of post-separation abuse, family court battles, and co-parenting with a toxic ex—and the part of you that is yearning to heal, grow, and reclaim your life.

This episode will help you understand and separate these two selves so you can protect your energy, find moments of joy, and ultimately integrate these parts of yourself to live more fully. We’ll also share powerful mindset shifts and practical strategies to help you navigate this complex journey.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing yourself in the chaos, this episode is here to offer you hope, clarity, and actionable steps toward healing.

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When you finally realize that you are being abused in your relationship and that your partner is a narcissist, it can hit you like a ton of bricks.

In this episode, I have a conversation with Mita Begum on her experience of realizing that she had been in two different abusive relationships after watching a video on Tik Tok and what she did to start getting her power back before even leaving her relationship. She shares the steps she continues to take as she heals and helps other women heal and find their power.

We also talk about:

How domestic violence does not discriminate and how she did not fit the “picture” of a victim
How your family of origin and culture can make you more vulnerable to finding an abusive relationship
The difficulties of breaking a trauma bond and what helped for her
Tips to finding your power and sense of self

About Mita:

Mita is a passionate advocate for personal growth and empowerment, holding certifications as a Life Coach, Mindset Coach, and Domestic Violence and Abuse Specialist. She is the founder of Glowing Beyond, where she helps individuals reconnect with their mind, body, and soul while guiding abuse survivors to reclaim their power and transition into healthier, thriving lifestyles.

With 16 years of experience as a makeup artist, including working as a celebrity makeup artist for clients like four-time Olympic gold medalist Hayley Wickenheiser, Mita’s expertise extends to empowering women through both inner and outer transformation. Her work has been featured in magazines, multiple podcasts, and community platforms.

As the host of The Glowing Beyond Show, Mita shares her journey of overcoming depression, anxiety, and abuse through self-acceptance and inner work, inspiring others to embrace their own power to thrive.

Connect with Mita:
glowingbeyond.com
IG: @mindsetcoachmita
FB: https://www.facebook.com/share/1Wi6oBteBf/

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Explore the transformative power of creativity as a tool for processing emotions and reclaiming your identity after abuse. Learn how engaging in creative expression can help rewire your brain, improve your mood, and reconnect you to your true self.

We’ll dive into:

Why creativity is particularly powerful for survivors of trauma.
Insights from The Body Keeps the Score on how trauma affects brain function.
How creative outlets like art, writing, and movement can help you reframe your story and build resilience.
Overcoming perfectionism and embracing the healing power of the creative process.

This episode includes real-life examples of creative healing and actionable steps to start your own creative journey today.

Key Takeaways:

Creativity engages the right side of the brain, enabling you to process trauma in ways that words alone cannot.
Artistic expression can help you find new strengths, reframe your narrative, and celebrate progress in your healing journey.
You don’t need to be an artist—just willing to explore and experiment.

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We’re diving deep into the world of triggers. A common and often overwhelming experience for survivors of trauma and abuse. We’ll explore what triggers are, why they happen, and how they can actually become opportunities for healing and growth.

Whether you’re just beginning your recovery journey or you’re further along, this episode offers practical tools and validation to help you navigate triggers with confidence and compassion.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

Understanding Triggers: What they are, how they relate to the brain and body’s fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses, and the difference between triggers and flashbacks.
Common Triggers: Examples like certain sounds, behaviors, or phrases that may remind you of past trauma.
Recognizing Triggers: Learn how to identify early signs of being triggered and track patterns using a “trigger tracker” journal.
Managing Triggers in the Moment: Techniques like grounding exercises, deep breathing, and creating a personalized “calm kit.”
Growing Through Triggers: How to reframe triggers as milestones in your healing journey and use them as data to guide therapeutic work.

Key Takeaways:

Triggers are a normal part of recovery and not a sign of failure.
Grounding tools, when practiced consistently, can help regulate your nervous system.
With mindfulness and support, triggers can illuminate unresolved trauma and help you move toward healing.

Call to Action:
This week, choose one grounding tool like deep breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and practice it daily. Building this habit can make it easier to manage triggers when they arise.

Related Episodes:

Episode 133: Polyvagal Healing with Erica

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Why is it that we can understand the abuse we suffered, understand why we are hypervigilant, and yet not see the progress we are hoping for on the healing front?

The trauma of an abusive, narcissistic and coercively controlling relationship affects survivors in such a way that we cannot just think our way out of it. Your brains and nervous systems have been re-wired to protect you and your survival at all costs. And your nervous system will not give up those strategies of survival just because you now understand the abuse.

This abuse is held in our bodies as well. So we need a full bodied, holistic approach to healing and this is what I am talking about with Erica Bonham, LPC today. We discuss the different ways in which trauma is held in our bodies and she shares some practical tips and skills you can use today to start to lower your hypervigilance and fight, flight, freeze, and fawning responses.

Erica shares her passion in helping survivors heal and how she is offering this healing to a wider audience in her new book, Always Enough, Never Done.

Erica Bonham is a certified EMDR clinician, consultant and trainer, and is a licensed professional counselor and nervous system regulation coach in the state of Colorado. She aspires to be a catalyst for change, justice, growth, evolution and all around badassery. She specializes in abuse recovery, trauma related to social injustice, and spiritual abuse. She incorporates her training as a yoga instructor and mindfulness practitioner to deepen clients healing of their bodies and specializes in somatic and attachment EMDR, Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy, and ego state work. She is a published author and speaker.

Connect with Erica:
AVOS practice website: www.avoscounseling.com
To order the book, Always Enough, Never Done, the accompanying workbook, course, and/or join coaching calls: https://www.avoscounseling.com/coaching-packages
Download Erica's Free Polyvagal Toning Guide with a BONUS of 6 guided meditations:
https://www.avoscounseling.com/freebie
Follow Erica on social:
http://m.facebook.com/avoscounseling
https://www.instagram.com/avoscounseling/
https://www.tiktok.com/@ericabonhamsomaticcoach?_t=8sEnEoat3zH&_r=1

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We'd love your feedback! What resonated for you in this episode? What do you want more of?

If you’re a survivor navigating family court, co-parenting with an abusive ex, and just trying to make it through another day, goal-setting might feel like an impossible task. Even though it is a new year, you are expecting the same old BS from your co-parent and the family court system.

In this episode, we explore how to set meaningful goals for the year ahead—even when life feels like it’s stuck on repeat and the container you’re in does not seem to be changing.

Drawing inspiration from the book 10X Is Easier Than 2X, I share how thinking bigger—instead of smaller—can help you create radical change, even in challenging circumstances. We’ll contrast 10X thinking with the more traditional SMART goals and “1% better each day” theories, highlighting the pros and cons of each approach. Most importantly, I validate the very real feeling that if you’re low on energy or hope, these big ideas might feel overwhelming or out of reach. And that’s okay—we’re meeting you where you are.

This episode focuses on balancing outside-the-box thinking with the strategies you already know work for, as well as putting energy into what is in our control:

Navigating family court more effectively
Parenting and co-parenting in high-conflict situations
Protecting your energy and mental health

Whether you’re ready to dream big or simply looking for small steps to regain control, this episode offers practical, compassionate guidance to help you move forward in your unique situation.

Referenced Links:
Episode 128 - https://www.buzzsprout.com/1991648/episodes/16201738-ep-128-when-hope-feels-out-of-reach-for-domestic-violence-survivors
Book:

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One of the most devastating consequences of coercive control and domestic abuse is the stripping away of the victim’s identity and sense of self.

The emotional and psychological abuse leads victims to feel incapable of doing even small tasks that may once have felt easy, let alone the belief that one can follow their dreams.

What if finding a way to take that first step towards your dreams could catapult your healing?

On this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, I talk with Lola REid Allin on how following her dreams to become a pilot allowed her to escape her abusive marriage in a time when it was shocking for a woman to leave her husband. In this episode we also discuss the harmful culture in the male dominated profession of aviation and what leads to this harassment and “boys club” culture.

Lola shares her reason for writing her memoir, HIGHWAY to the SKY: An Aviator’s Journey. It is a way that she can bring light to the many women’s issues that prevent women from living out their dreams.

About Lola: Lola Reid Allin is a survivor, former Airline Transport Pilot, pilot examiner, and the first female flight instructor at two flight schools (BC & ON), and the first woman to fly the Twin Otter (DHC6/300) for a scheduled air service, commemorated on the Wall of Women in Aviation History at the Bush Plane Museum in Sault Ste Marie.

In addition, she is a SCUBA Dive Master, and an award-winning author and photographer whose work has appeared in many notable local, national, and international publications, including National Post, Globe & Mail, Toronto Star, National Geographic, Santa Fe Centre for Photography, Verge Magazine, & Grapevine Magazine.

To promote the role of women in aviation and to encourage other females to consider aviation careers, Lola is a speaker with the Northern Lights Aero Foundation & the Eastern Ontario 99s Education & Outreach Committee.
In 2022, she and Robin Hadfield, the International 99s President, created the New Track Scholarship, an annual award for female pilots.

Connect with Lola:
https://www.lolareidallin.com/
https://www.facebook.com/Lola.Reid.Allin.Pilot/
https://www.instagram.com/lola.reid.allin/
https://www.linkedin.

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What can we learn from all that happened in 2024?

In this episode, I share some of the top themes that I have seen throughout the year based on the most listened to podcast episodes, my communications with the other advocates fighting for survivors of coercive control and domestic violence, and most importantly the clients and community members I have the honor to walk alongside every day.

I have seen parallels between the podcast episodes that had the highest engagement and that of the typical healing process from abuse. I also discuss the changes legislatively that have happened in 2024, as well as the increased awareness and media coverage of our family court crisis. I also share the common struggles of the survivors I am working with currently.

While we have done a better job working together this year, we still have a long way to go including improvements in accountability and enforcement, transparency, and leading people to take the next step when we are doing work to bring awareness to family court and domestic violence issues.

Offer your input on what you want to know more about in 2025 - https://us20.list-manage.com/survey?u=7d2b7e1333294299a48cf04aa&id=fd5c41ccdf&e=07c24158c9&mc_cid=a6957ae7b5

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Post separation abuse resources are still scarce even though it is no longer a secret that abuse continues after a victim leaves the relationship.

Feeling like you are on your own as you read and respond to your co-parent’s messages in your co-parenting app or as you search through hundreds of messages to find that one thread that your attorney has asked you to find by the end of the day is common for survivors dealing with post separation abuse.

The Rising Beyond Podcast first introduced Anne Wintemute, the co-founder of Aimee says, the AI companion for survivors of domestic violence in Dec 2023 when this resource was just getting off the ground. A year later, AImee is helping tens of thousands of survivors every month and we wanted to follow up to chat about how this tool continues to help combat the challenges post separation brings and some interesting themes that Anne is seeing with their users.

We explore the time and money saved by using Aimee and how "Aimee" combats the loneliness and isolation that survivors experience by offering 24/7 support, from co-parenting advice to emotional validation.

Listen now to see if Aimee could be a helpful tool in your post separation abuse tool box.

Anne Wintemute is a post-separation abuse consultant and co-founder of Aimee Says, an Al tool for survivors. Her work strives to bridge the gap in understanding that allows perpetrators of abuse to act within a culture of tolerance. Previously, Anne was a Head of School at an independent elementary in Denver.

Checkout the app - https://www.aimeesays.com/en/home

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Navigating the family court system with an abusive ex can feel like an endless, uphill battle.

And with our current system broken and the current state of our world, the idea of “finding hope” and positivity may not feel possible.

In this episode, we explore how to find steadiness and strength when hope feels out of reach. Instead of relying on external outcomes, we discuss how cultivating resilience and persistence can empower you, and how creating personal anchors can offer daily stability. These tools are practical, actionable, and within your control—helping you stay grounded, no matter what challenges arise.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

Why “hope” can feel misplaced in the family court system and what to focus on instead.
The power of resilience and persistence in staying steady through the process.
How to create and use emotional, physical, and mental “anchors” for daily grounding.
Practical examples of resilience-building practices and anchoring techniques.
How to integrate persistence and anchors for long-term stability and self-empowerment.

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Do you ever feel like you are stuck in your head?

It may mean that you need to get out of your thoughts and into your body and emotions.

On this week’s episode we do a deep dive with Bre Wolta, a relationship coach and certified EFT practitioner, on her experiences leaving an abusive relationship and the invaluable lessons about boundaries, self-worth, and the illusion of "potential land” she learned on her healing journey. She explains how clinging to hope can keep you anchored in dysfunction, and emphasizes the importance of emotional recognition and processing. Discover the transformative power of the "analytical buoy," and how allowing yourself to feel the full range of emotions, from grief to anger, can be healing.

While it is important to understand what you’ve gone through it is just as important to allow yourself to feel what you’ve gone through. Healing from abuse takes both.

Bre Wolta, EFT and The Clearing Work™ Certified Practitioner, is a Relationship Clarity Coach who is passionate about helping women heal from the mindf*ck of toxic relationships so that they can securely attach and finally experience healthy love. Bre's own toxic relationship healing journey, and her ability to hold safe space allows her to walk alongside clients as they find clarity and build trust from within, rekindling the most important relationship of all: the one they have with themselves.

Connect with Bre:

Website: www.brewolta.com
Podcast (Heartbreak to Healing: Untangling the Mindf*ck of Narcissistic Relationships): https://link.chtbl.com/nGsnWVzZ
Episode 25 "What To Do After The Breakup: 4 Steps to Help You Move Through The Grief & Heartbreak Of A Narcissistic Relationship" - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/25-what-to-do-after-the-breakup-4-steps-to-help-you/id1714991254?i=1000655949382
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBd9yoGwfdc-m5RhAUolGwg
IG: @‌lucid.living.with.bre
Mini Course: Find Yourself Again - https://www.brewolta.com/find-yourself-again. Use code Podcast10 to receive 10% off

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What does the family court system and other systems need to know about the realistic time it will take someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or those who are high on the continuum of narcissism to actually change?

That is if they are willing to change.

And if you are struggling to leave, hoping that your partner will make the changes they have promised, what do you need to know?

In this episode I critique and summarize an article that hooked me in several years ago called
“10 Stages in the Treatment of Narcissistic Disorders: Narcissists can slowly change, with appropriate therapy and a lot of effort.”

This article suggests 10 stages for the clinical “curing” of NPD. I share the takeaways for those who come into contact with someone with NPD or someone high on the continuum of narcissism including how the family court system can learn from and make changes to their assumptions based in this article. I also discuss what is missing from the article and ideas for future research.

Read the article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/201908/10-stages-in-the-treatment-narcissistic-disorders

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Transparency is a requirement for any meaningful change in our family court system for survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. This is extremely apparent when you hear the horror stories of survivors day after day of their time and retraumatization in family court.

And just recently, the curtain has been pulled back to allow the world to see what is really going on when a survivor of domestic violence tries to protect her children in family court. Today I am talking with two survivors with their own horror stories who have both received media attention on their cases.

Rachel Pickrel-Hawkins was recently in the news after being jailed for protecting her children. And while the media reported several things incorrectly (which will be corrected in this episode) it shed the light on courts ordering reunification therapy when there are significant concerns of sexual abuse with what turns out to be an unethical therapist.

Erin Siegal’s case was in the limelight several years ago on her experiences with unethical and harmful court evaluators and other legal professionals. This case and reporting were at the start of the movement here in Colorado that allowed Kayden’s Law and other laws to be passed to help start court reform. She continues to be threatened with gag orders to silence her advocacy.

We need to continue the momentum and continue to shine the spotlight on what is really going on in our family court system. So that survivors are not silenced.

Where to find Erin and Rachel -
Erin - https://linktr.ee/fortitudeflourish
Rachel - https://www.tiktok.com/@mount.simon.minis?_t=8qQwZPeFfit&_r=1 https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550070298795&mibextid=LQQJ4d

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Coercive control and dv thrive in secrecy and so for many reasons victims lose their voices in the process of these relationships.

Once a victim has left they have to make the decision of what parts of their story to share and with whom. This is especially important when a victim finds themselves in the family court system trying to protect their family.

When facing a divorce with your abusive ex partner it would seem that a trial is inevitable and based on research and the experiences of so many I've worked with, it's a crap shoot to whether your story will be heard or believed.

What if there was another way? What if you as the survivor could use your expertise on your ex and your family to get a better deal in divorce?

This is what we are discussing today; the different ways you can use your knowledge and voice to get a settlement agreement with your ex, even if only for some of the concerns, instead of leaving it all up to the cookie cutter decrees set by most family court judges.

If you have a case that needs a custom plan due to things like substance use or abuse, then the tips and tricks in this episode may be exactly what you are missing.

Julie blends professional insights with her personal story of navigating a high-conflict custody dispute. She avoids sharing too many specifics to respect her ex and children, she explains how her background in dispute resolution helped keep their family out of the courtroom, despite major challenges. Julie specializes in helping law firms enhance client experience (CX) through customized training and support. Outside of work, she volunteers to support parents navigating divorce, ensuring the safety and well-being of their children remain central.

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Are awareness and education the best option for decreasing the rates of domestic violence and coercive control?

While it is important, we have been bringing awareness to the public since 1987 and it doesn’t feel like a lot has changed.

What I believe will have the most impact is accountability for those that perpetrate family violence and coercive control on others? And I am not the only one. But why isn’t it happening?

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, I share my thoughts on why there is consistently no accountability for abusers in our larger systems and what you can do to improve the chances of seeing accountability in your case.

We are focusing on the things that are within your control, looking at the logistical things that will make it more likely for your abuser to be held accountable to some extent and things you can do to take care of yourself during this journey when so much is outside of your control.

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Isolation as a tactic of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence is fairly well understood, however are there larger consequences to continued isolation post separation?

Similar to the scores from the Adverse Childhood Experiences Scale (ACES), isolation has been shown to have long term negative impacts on your physical, mental, and brain health.

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast you will come along with me as I learn more about how the tactic of isolation can impair your brain’s ability to heal through neuroplasticity and impair its ability to form new connections.

I take a look at:

Why isolation is so helpful to the abuser to maintain power and control during the relationship as well as post separation
The negative long term effects of isolation
How social connections can be the number one tool for healing and getting your brain function back on track.

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What is Officer Involved Domestic Violence?

This is an area of advocacy where we have known to be a problem for years and it is unspoken; a “dirty little secret.” Bruce Bieber agreed to share his story as a way to move this issue into the forefront so that change might actually happen.

Take care of yourself as you listen to this story.

Abigail Rose Bieber, “Abby” to her friends and family, was the first of their three children to move to the Tampa Bay area. In short order, Abby became a Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office Deputy where she served for four years. Both of her brothers are also in law enforcement.

The Biebers have always been an incredibly close family and the pull to join their children in Florida was too great to resist so Bruce and Sarah retired and followed their three kids and grandkids to Florida.

Seven months after moving to a home 1.5 miles from Abby’s house, Bruce and Sarah were planning Abby’s funeral. On January 29, 2022, Abby was shot three times in the head by Detective Daniel M. Leyden, also with the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office while they, along with two other HCSO Deputy couples, were vacationing in St. Augustine. Leyden killed himself.

Since that fateful night, Bruce has been on a journey of grief, learning, discovery and advocacy – seeking to understand what went wrong and how to apply the lessons learned to the prevention of another death at the hands of a law enforcement officer.

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What happens when you finally find that one or two people who actually get the narcissistic abuse that you have gone through and continue to go through post separation?

Oftentimes you might find yourself sharing like water coming out of a fire hose. The validation and head nods when you are sharing your experiences just increase the amount you are sharing. And this is solidified when they are able to finish your sentences before you do.

And while these experiences can be extremely helpful as you heal, the constant conversations around the abuse can create a relationship that is extremely limited. And you (and your new found friend) are more than the abuse you have endured.

So how can you maintain this level of support while also creating relationships where you do not feel burn out and can move beyond the labels of being “survivors.”

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What is a typical pattern or blueprint for the relationship with a narcissist?

Love Bombing happens first. Followed by devaluation. And then concludes with the Discard.

And this cycle happens over and over again within the relationship leaving the victim confused, hurt and willing to do anything just to experience the good times again.

But does this pattern happen after a victim separates from their partner?

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, Nova Gibson and I discuss this pattern and how it changes and what it looks like during post separation abuse. Nova shares her insight on why this patterns works so well for the narcissist before, during, and after the relationship.

Nova Gibson is director, founder and primary counsellor of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service and the go-to expert on narcissistic abuse recovery in Australia. She is the author of Australia's best-selling practical self help book of 2023, 'Fake Love - Understanding and healing from narcissistic abuse published by Harpercollins and the host of her own Podcast, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys. Nova has helped thousands of clients in Australia and around the world with one-on-one professional support. She lives in Brisbane, Australia.

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What is it going to take for there to be real systemic change?

The state of our family court system for survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse is horrific for so many families. And recently some of the unethical and biased decisions made by judges has had the curtain pulled back and has made it into the media here in CO.

This episode is a rant and some of my thoughts about everything that has been going on in our family court system as I supported those working with Rachel Pickrel Hawkins, the mom who was sent to jail for protecting her children.

And if you are feeling ignored or silenced because your case is not getting the support or attention that it deserves, I talk directly to you.

Link to articles about the case:
https://denvergazette.com/colorado-watch/reunification-therapy-colorado-child-abuse/article_96e08e26-66f4-11ef-b15c-ab5c4905bfc1.html

https://denvergazette.com/news/colorado-mother-avoids-jail-therapy-dispute/article_7db23428-716b-11ef-ac35-73da23496db5.html

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How does a narcissistic and abusive partner get you stuck in a relationship?

Most of the time it is through love bombing, moving extremely quickly, and coercing you into a larger commitment, like living together, getting engaged or married or having a baby.

But what does it look like when the victim says “no?”

Oftentimes the perpetrator will find another way, like with reproductive coercion.

In this episode, my guest, Lynn Stroud and I dive into a lesser discussed topic where a perpetrator of abuse does all they can to get their partner pregnant leaving the victim in a precarious spot. A place where they need to make decisions that will impact their lives forever, no matter what choice they make.

Lynn is a survivor of sexual assault, coercive control, narcissistic abuse, and reproductive abuse. She aims to educate the world about the danger of reproductive coercion. Lynn was fortunate enough to escape her abusers, but will continue to share her story in the hopes that better laws surrounding coercive control will protect others.

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Is it easy for you to choose what battles to fight and what battles to let go of when you are co-parenting with your abusive and narcissistic ex-partner?

Many of the survivors I have worked with struggle to make this decision based on the judgments of others, the self-doubt, and the weight that their decisions may carry for their children.

In this episode, I want to guide you through some questions that you can use to assess whether the battle in front of you is worth fighting or not in a way that will keep your children safer and minimize the negative impacts on your mental health. We will also look at ways to respond to others when they do not agree with your decision.

The questions are broken up into the following categories:

Safety Implications
Legal Implications
Co-parenting/Day to Day
Personal Boundaries/Healing/Moral Injury

Episode References:
Grab your FREE PDF of all of the questions discussed HERE.
Episode 50: How Narcissistic Abuse Leads to Moral Injury
Maslow's hierarchy of needs

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Why did I end up in an abusive relationship?

There is no one reason or answer to this question with the exception of…your partner chose to abuse you.

And I know that this answer does not satisfy anyone. So we are going to look at one of the factors that make women more susceptible to being targeted by an abusive person and why they are more likely to stay in an abusive relationship.

We are doing a deep dive into generational trauma.

Generational trauma is when trauma is passed down through generations through a combination of psychological, behavioral, and biological mechanisms or pathways. I touch on each of these pathways and the impacts that they have on you and your family.
Breaking the cycle of generational trauma and abuse in a family system is extremely difficult work and starting with a trained mental health professional is the first step to healing yourself so that you can break this cycle for your family.

Some of the work you may do during this process are:

Understanding where it comes from and how your family has contributed to your trauma is not an excuse, but an explanation
Understanding your role in the family dynamic and what your family might do to keep you in the role and why? Plate and marble example
Help you identify where you need to set boundaries
Allowing you a place to examine your values and set plans for how to live with those at the forefront
Allowing you to imagine a life that looks different
Grieving the loss of … innocence or your childhood
Offering yourself forgiveness
Finding inspirational stories of success of breaking the cycle
Creating your safe inner circle of support with healthy people
One of the most positive impacts of doing all of this work is that you get to teach your children all of the things you

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Register for the September, 2024 in-person retreat

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How can we add a layer of protection for young people so that they can see coercive control in relationships a mile away?

What if we brought education about coercive control and teen dating violence into our schools?

In this episode, I have a conversation with Lis Hoyte on her goal to bring this education on coercive control and healthy relationships into the school systems in the UK and then across the globe. We talk about the realities of when coercive control starts to show up in the relationships of our teens and tweens and some of the consequences of this. We talk about the challenges of getting schools on board with bringing this into the classroom. We also look at some benefits that might come from adding this curriculum to our schools, including introducing this information to the staff so that families dealing with coercive control and post-separation abuse can get better treatment and allowing children with coercively controlling parents the education to truly see and understand their situations.

Where to find Lis:
Lis's Website - https://www.lishoyte.com/
Lis's Email Address - lisreallywhat@gmail.com
Lis's LinkedIn Profile - https://www.linkedin.com/in/lishoyte/

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Register for the September, 2024 in-person retreat

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Canned Responses Freebie
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...

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What is the difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting?
If you have separated from your narcissistic ex-partner and you share children together, it is likely that you will still have to parent your children together in some capacity. So, which one is right for you?

Co-parenting, in theory, is what is in the best interest of your children. During co-parenting, you are making decisions together, discussing concerns, attending events together, and trying to keep the rules and structure in the home consistent. This only works if both parents can truly put the child’s needs first and there is some trust in the other parent.

It is more likely that you all are going to be parallel parenting. Parallel parenting is shared parenting where you limit contact and interact with the other parent as little as possible to avoid conflict while both parents maintain a relationship with the child.

In this episode I speak about the challenges of parallel parenting with an abusive ex, why the courts still use the term co-parenting (and why you will use it too), and some of the things that you can do to help support your children during this and how to take care of yourself.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Register for the September, 2024 in-person retreat

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Our family court system continues to harm families on a daily basis. If you are a survivor of domestic violence, coercive control, or narcissistic abuse and share children with your ex-partner, you are likely experiencing this firsthand.

But what can we do about it?

We are creating an army of advocates who are passionate about creating massive changes within our larger systems. And today I have the honor of talking with two of the women on the front lines of this fight, Dr. Christine Cocchiola and Amy Polacko.

In this episode, you are going to hear how and why their new book, Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld was created and how it is going to be a necessary tool in this fight. You will get a sneak peek into this book as Dr. C and Amy share excerpts from the stories in the book and it will give you chills.

This book is available for pre-order at the time of this release and it is extremely important that folks pre-order so that we can get this book to more of the people who need it. You can pre-order this book here:

https://narcfreepress.com/

If you want to help spread the word about this book, please take a look at how you can be a part of the book launch team.

A few things you can do:
Join our FB FRAMED Book Launch Team: FRAMED Facebook Book Launch Team
Add yourself to our FRAMED email list and check for updates
Like our social media posts and share them.
Ask others to follow us on social media.
Write a review.
Invite friends to our workshop: Know The Abuser's Playbook (dates

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Register for the September, 2024 in-person retreat

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Canned Responses Freebie
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If your children have not had contact or very little contact with your abusive ex-partner then it is likely that a judge will court order reunification therapy.

What exactly is reunification therapy? And is it in the best interests of your children?

I share the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of reunification therapy based on my personal experiences of being trained (sort of) and providing reunification therapy with families involved with child protection. There were times where the process was beautiful and other times when the process was completely unethical.

Don't miss the CRUCIAL questions you MUST ask therapists before starting reunification therap in order to better protect your children from potential trauma and abuse.

What does the process of reunification therapy look like with you?
What kind of documentation do you provide to the parents or to the courts?
What do you need from me?
What is my role in this?
What is your communication like with the other members of the team?
How do you ensure that you're building enough rapport and relationship with my child so that they will share if they don't feel safe with you or with their other parent, what does that process look like?
How are you assessing for emotional safety, how are you assessing when it's safe to move forward?

Two questions you can ask that might cause some discomfort for everyone involved:

What is your stance on parental alienation?
Are there cases or do you have cases where you did not recommend that the child reunify and have parenting time with the parent you're working with?

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Register for the September, 2024 in-person retreat

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Canned Responses Freebie
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We'd love your feedback! What resonated for you in this episode? What do you want more of?

“Playing the game” of family court and co-parenting when your ex partner is a narcissist is so mentally taxing and goes against every fiber of the survivors I work with.

This episode is a bit of a rant after the themes of the moving goal posts of an abuser and the system, needing a crystal ball to make decisions to ensure safety, and the mental exhaustion all came up in my first few days back from vacation.

How can you find relief from the extreme weight placed on your shoulders and combat the moral injury that continues to develop as you follow court orders?

Know that you are not alone
Become in-tune with what you need in the moment
Focus on your Why when moral injury feels extreme
Choose your battles to make fewer decisions
Acknowledge the weight and heaviness of what you are experiencing
Use coping skills like distraction and self soothing with intention
Acknowledge what is in your control

Episode References:

Moral Injury Episodes
Ep 56 Start Healing from Moral Injury | with Guest Dr. Daniel Roberts
Ep 63: Reducing Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

National Domestic Violence Hotline - 800.799.SAFE (7233)
Call 988 a mental health crisis line from anywhere in the United States

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
Rising Beyond LinkedIn
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Enjoy some of our freebies!

Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register for the Septe...

We'd love your feedback! What resonated for you in this episode? What do you want more of?

What do you do with the story of your abuse?

Who do you tell? What do you tell them?

You will find yourself in many different situations with many different people where you will need to share the same story of your narcissistic abuse over and over again and it is actually important to make a conscious decision on how and what you are sharing with the different people.

Today we are going to talk about discernment, specifically about sharing your story. But the strategies here can generalize to many other areas where you need to make conscious and intentional decisions.

Early on in your healing…

You likely look like a hot mess, you are learning the language, learning the systems, it is likely that you do not fully understand what you are in for with post separation abuse and the family court system…

You probably show up in one of two ways,

Word vomit/fire hydrant of info… context for days, looking like a crazy person
Shut down, not trusting, fearful

Both make sense.

Now that you have some psycho ed under your belt and hopefully have done some healing work with a therapist or in a group…

Use these questions to assess who and what you will share about your abuse story?

What is the role of the person you are talking to?
What is the goal you hope to achieve?
What evidence do you have that this person will listen/understand?
Where are you in this moment?
How safe will the information be?

Once you have asked these questions, then you can make decisions and some discernment about how much and what to share.

And if you have the calling to do advocacy work, write a book, or speak in public about your story, there are some other considerations

For more information and to register, click here.

The Journey Back to You: Rewriting Your Story is a Transformative Retreat for Survivors of Relationship Abuse.

Join us for a transformative two-day, in-person retreat designed to help you rewrite your story. This retreat is a refuge where you can connect with others who understand your journey and take steps toward reclaiming your narrative.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Enjoy some of our freebies!

Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register for the Septe...

If you share more than one child with your narcissistic ex, then it is likely that you have seen your children treated differently.

Oftentimes a narcissistic parent creates a dynamic where one child is “the golden child” and another is “the scapegoat.” The golden child is treated much differently than the other children, getting more attention and special treatment, whereas a scapegoated child will take the brunt of the blame and shame for anything that is going wrong or that the narcissistic parent doesn’t like.

But why does this dynamic persist and why is it so common?

And more importantly, what can you do as a protective parent to help your children as they manage the negative consequences of this dynamic?

In this episode we take a look at why this dynamic works for a narcissistic parent, the negative consequences for each child, and what you can do about it as a protective parent.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

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Rising Beyond Facebook
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Enjoy some of our freebies!

Canned Responses Freebie
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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Did you know that there are actually members of law enforcement that understand and want to find solutions to support victims of domestic violence and coercive control?

I know for many of you this is hard to believe, and I have found one!

In today’s episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast I interview Detective Brandon Wootan on his journey starting a high risk domestic violence team, what it looks like and the goals of the team. We also take a look at the risk factors correlated with domestic violence homicide, where law enforcement is missing the mark, and some tips and strategies for victims and survivors when reaching out to law enforcement to help.

I learned a lot from this episode and I feel a sense of hope with each conversation I have with Detective Wootan.

Detective Brandon Wootan's Bio:
As a police detective with over a decade of law enforcement experience, I am committed to protecting and serving the community with integrity, professionalism, and compassion. My core competencies include investigation management, teaching, teamwork and leadership.

Currently, I work as a detective at the City of Fort Collins, where I investigate crimes against persons, such as homicide, assault, sexual assault, and domestic violence. I also lead the Larimer County Domestic Violence High Risk Team, a multidisciplinary team of professionals who collaborate to identify, assess, and intervene in high-risk domestic violence cases. Additionally, I leverage my teaching skills to provide training and education on domestic violence prevention and response to law enforcement agencies, community organizations, and the public. I have contributed to the development and implementation of policies and protocols to enhance the safety and well-being of domestic violence survivors and their families.

References mentioned:
AIMEE Says app
Talking Parents app

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
Rising Beyond Facebook
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Enjoy some of our freebies!

Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

What would it be like to get a full night sleep? Or to be able to focus on the task at hand?

After experiencing the trauma of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse many survivors find that their daily functioning completely goes away. And this makes complete sense, right?

The constant trauma while in the relationship and the continued trauma in the aftermath cause a myriad of problems for your physical and mental health.

On the last episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast I explained many of the most common trauma modalities that therapists today are using to support survivors. In this episode we are diving deeper into a lesser known modality; neurofeedback.

I have a conversation with Louise Finley, LPC on how neurofeedback can be used as a part of your healing journey from your abusive relationship. We discuss what neurofeedback is and what it might look like during a session, and we also talk about some of the possible benefits and symptoms that can be targeted through this modality.

Louise is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Georgia, USA and has worked in the therapy field since 2011. Her early career years were split between private practice and hospital outpatient settings and consequently, Louise has gotten to work with individuals in many stages of life, mental health crises, trauma recovery, and growth. In 2017 Louise was offered the opportunity to be trained in the Othmer Method of Neurofeedback--she initially saw this as a way to expand support for clients, but it has ended up re-shaping her, both personally and as a clinician. The additional training has led Louise to actively integrate more brain and nervous system education in her talk therapy work and to appreciate how an appropriately timed brain-based intervention can be a catalyst for beautiful change. Louise currently balances being a parent and seeing a small number of clients in private practice. She occasionally blogs about Neurofeedback at www.louisefinley.com and would love to be a resource to any individuals or clinicians with Neurofeedback questions or looking to connect with a Georgia provider!

Where to find Louise:
www.louisefinley.com
www.eeginfo.com (website of the organization that trained Louise, some providers listed here)
https://neurofeedback-network.squarespace.com/home (international/US NF provider listings, as well as basic NF information)

We’re running a contest, come join!

If you have ever wanted to ask me a direct question, I am doing a live ask me anything on Friday, May 31. To get the link to join, either write a review for the Rising Beyond Podcast on Apple Podcasts, or repost one of our 100th episode posts on Instagram (@risingbeyondpc) to your Instagram stories and send me a picture of whichever one you do, or both! Then send me a pic and fill out this form so we know who has entered into the contest. https://forms.gle/foEqGpEAHGnv6jyP8. For the contest, I’m going to choose 2 people who entered who will get a free month in the Rising Beyond Community and 1 additional winner will get a free 45 minute consult call with me. The contest ends at 11:59 MST on May 28, 2024.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

Register Here for our June 5th Parenting Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parenting

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If you have experienced relationship abuse, then you have experienced trauma. And even if you do not meet all of the requirements for post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) it is likely that some form of trauma therapy will be a helpful part of your healing journey.

And if your children have experienced or witnessed any of the abuse or the aftermath of the abuse, then they have experienced trauma as well and will likely need some support.

In this episode I am going to give you an overhead and general view of some of the possible trauma modalities that you may find beneficial and share the most important aspects of all therapeutic relationships for survivors of domestic violence, narcissistic abuse, and coercive control.

We discuss:
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
Narrative Therapy
Group Therapy
And for children:
Play Therapy
Other experiential therapies (music, art, dance)
EMDR
TF-CBT

The most important aspect of whether the trauma modality will work for you is actually not the modality. The most important aspect of your healing journey with your therapist is your relationship with the therapist. Do you feel safe enough to ask questions? Does your therapist take on a collaborative role with you instead of an expert role talking to you? Do you feel a sense of unconditional positive regard? If they are working with your children, do they have strong boundaries and protect your children’s information?

VIDEO: EMDR: Special Considerations for Domestic Violence with Barbara Sheehan-Zeidler, MA, LPC

We’re running a contest, come join!

If you have ever wanted to ask me a direct question, I am doing a live ask me anything on Friday, May 31. To get the link to join, either write a review for the Rising Beyond Podcast on Apple Podcasts, or repost one of our 100th episode posts on Instagram (@risingbeyondpc) to your Instagram stories and send me a picture of whichever one you do, or both! Then send me a pic and fill out this form so we know who has entered into the contest. https://forms.gle/foEqGpEAHGnv6jyP8. For the contest, I’m going to choose 2 people who entered who will get a free month in the Rising Beyond Community and 1 additional winner will get a free 45 minute consult call with me. The contest ends at 11:59 MST on May 28, 2024.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

Register Here for our June 5th Parenting Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parenting

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Domestic violence and narcissistic abuse strips away your sense of self and autonomy. One of the most important parts of the healing process is to rediscover who you are and what you value so that you can learn to trust yourself again.

As you become curious about who you were before the abuse and who you would like to be after you heal it can be helpful to have a guide to understand what drives you, what challenges you, and your best attributes.

On this episode I have a conversation with my dear friend and colleague, Talya Dash, LCSW about how to use the Enneagram to connect with yourself as you heal from abuse. The Enneagram system is a widely accepted personality model that offers deep insight into our core driving motivations, opening up exciting possibilities in the prediction and understanding of human behavior. Talya describes each of the 9 types and how each one may find themselves susceptible to an abusive relationship and what may motivate each one as they heal.

Received my BA in Psychology from Earlham College and Masters in Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University. She has been in the mental health field for over 17 years, in private practice for over 8 years. She is a Certified Somatic Experiencing practitioner, SE focuses as much on body sensations and the nervous system as it does on emotions, thoughts, actions and imagery. She is also a PACT couples therapist, and utilizes attachment work and the Enneagram. Talya Fell in love with the Enneagram almost 15 years ago and has not only found it instrumental in her own life, marriage, and parenthood, but also in her practice working with individuals, couples, and families.

Talya's Website: https://www.thrivenowpsychotherapy.com/

Resources:https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions

Books:Wisdom of the Enneagram (More t

We’re running a contest, come join!

If you have ever wanted to ask me a direct question, I am doing a live ask me anything on Friday, May 31. To get the link to join, either write a review for the Rising Beyond Podcast on Apple Podcasts, or repost one of our 100th episode posts on Instagram (@risingbeyondpc) to your Instagram stories and send me a picture of whichever one you do, or both! Then send me a pic and fill out this form so we know who has entered into the contest. https://forms.gle/foEqGpEAHGnv6jyP8. For the contest, I’m going to choose 2 people who entered who will get a free month in the Rising Beyond Community and 1 additional winner will get a free 45 minute consult call with me. The contest ends at 11:59 MST on May 28, 2024.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

Register Here for our June 5th Parenting Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parenting

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The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types

Summertime means fun in the sun, getting outdoors, swimming, camping and s'mores. But will your abusive, high conflict co-parent allow you to enjoy the fun?

They will try to do everything they can to cause conflict and ruin these memory-making times with your children. In this episode we are going to touch on:

The challenges that come with a change in transitions if your children have normally transitioned from house to house after school
The challenges that arise with childcare and right of first refusal
How they will try to ruin any of your planned vacations
Extended family issues
The differences in supervision and parenting that occurs over the summer
And more

And now that we know what some of the challenges are, what can you do about them to have less conflict and anxiety over the summer?

The number one tip is to know your parenting plan inside and out and use the language in it in your communication with your narcissistic ex. It is also important to understand what are day to day decisions and to remember what you have control over and what you don’t.

We’re running a contest, come join!

If you have ever wanted to ask me a direct question, I am doing a live ask me anything on Friday, May 31. To get the link to join, either write a review for the Rising Beyond Podcast on Apple Podcasts, or repost one of our 100th episode posts on Instagram (@risingbeyondpc) to your Instagram stories and send me a picture of whichever one you do, or both! Then send me a pic and fill out this form so we know who has entered into the contest. https://forms.gle/foEqGpEAHGnv6jyP8. For the contest, I’m going to choose 2 people who entered who will get a free month in the Rising Beyond Community and 1 additional winner will get a free 45 minute consult call with me. The contest ends at 11:59 MST on May 28, 2024.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

Register Here for our June 5th Parenting Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parenting

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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If you are a victim or survivor of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse you will likely come into contact with a lot of our larger systems. One of them being Child Protective Services (CPS).

This may bring up your greatest fear, one that your partner threatened on many occasions; that if you leave they will do everything to take your children away from you. And if your abuser has done a good job at making you feel crazy and worthless, the possibility that CPS will take away your children feels imminent.

So, what can you do as the protective parent if CPS becomes involved in your case?

First, it is helpful to know a bit about the process and how your ex partner will show up. Because of their MO of taking control of the narrative, it is paramount that you develop a relationship with the team of people involved in your case. It is important that you show up in ways that refute the narrative of your ex and do this consistently.

I also discuss the negative ramifications of how our current CPS system is impacting cases where family court is involved and what I think needs to change.

We’re running a contest, come join!

If you have ever wanted to ask me a direct question, I am doing a live ask me anything on Friday, May 31. To get the link to join, either write a review for the Rising Beyond Podcast on Apple Podcasts, or repost one of our 100th episode posts on Instagram (@risingbeyondpc) to your Instagram stories and send me a picture of whichever one you do, or both! Then send me a pic and fill out this form so we know who has entered into the contest. https://forms.gle/foEqGpEAHGnv6jyP8. For the contest, I’m going to choose 2 people who entered who will get a free month in the Rising Beyond Community and 1 additional winner will get a free 45 minute consult call with me. The contest ends at 11:59 MST on May 28, 2024.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

Register Here for our June 5th Parenting Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parenting

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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If you have ever felt powerless to help your children as they behave in ways that let you know that they are hurting or scared inside, this episode is for you.

Parenting is hard even when you are not having to manage all that comes with post separation abuse; which includes the guilt and shame of what your children are experiencing.

So, what can you do to help them and parent in a way that will build their resilience and foster your connection?

I am so honored to share this conversation with Robyn Gobbel, MSW on the neuroscience behind our children’s behaviors, the differences between physical safety and felt safety, and specific strategies that you can use to parent children with big baffling behaviors. We touch on how to understand your reactions to your children and how to regulate yourself with compassion.

Robyn Gobbel, MSW, has 20 years of practice in family and child therapy experience,
specializing in complex trauma, attachment, and adoption. She integrated her diverse clinical training to offer an attachment-rich, sensory-sensitive, and relational neurosciences supported healing environment for children and families. Robyn now consults, teaches, and trains extensively throughout the US. She is the host of The Baffling Behavior Show podcast and author of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work.

Where to find Robyn:
Host- The Baffling Behavior Show podcast
Creator- Being With {an immersion course for parenting professionals}
Creator- The Club {a virtual community for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors}
Author- Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

We’re running a contest, come join!

If you have ever wanted to ask me a direct question, I am doing a live ask me anything on Friday, May 31. To get the link to join, either write a review for the Rising Beyond Podcast on Apple Podcasts, or repost one of our 100th episode posts on Instagram (@risingbeyondpc) to your Instagram stories and send me a picture of whichever one you do, or both! Then send me a pic and fill out this form so we know who has entered into the contest. https://forms.gle/foEqGpEAHGnv6jyP8. For the contest, I’m going to choose 2 people who entered who will get a free month in the Rising Beyond Community and 1 additional winner will get a free 45 minute consult call with me. The contest ends at 11:59 MST on May 28, 2024.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

Register Here for our June 5th Parenting Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parenting

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It is episode 100 and we are flipping the script and doing something completely different.

My good friend, Lundy Bancroft is interviewing ME, so that you can get a behind the scenes look at how I got started doing this work and why I am so passionate about helping you.

We touch on the lack of training mental health professionals get specific to working with domestic violence and coercive control, some of the shifts in the field that I have seen and the shifts that need to happen, how I make decisions that are in the best interest of the survivors I serve and more.

This was a fun episode and a way for you to get to know the woman behind the microphone. I hope you enjoy it!

Lundy’s Bio: With over thirty years' experience specializing in interventions for abusive men and their families, Lundy Bancroft has authored seven books, including the world’s best-seller on domestic violence, Why Does He Do That? and the prizewinning professional book The Batterer as Parent. Lundy is the former Training Director of Emerge, the U.S.’s first counseling program for men who batter, and was involved in over 2000 cases as counselor and clinical supervisor. He has served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness. His new book and first novel is In Custody: A Carrie Green Mystery, in which domestic violence meets the family law system.

Show Resources:
Order Lundy's many books
And Then We Do Harm - E-Book by Sybil Cummin

We’re running a contest, come join!

If you have ever wanted to ask me a direct question, I am doing a live ask me anything on Friday, May 31st. To get the link to join, eith

Register here for the parenting workshop! - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/parenting

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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What does it mean to recover or heal from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse? I am not sure that there is a universal answer to this question. So my answer…”It depends.”

Your healing journey depends on so many different factors such as:

Are you/were you legally married?
Do you share children with your abuser?
How old are your children?
How financially dependent have you been on your abuser?
What is your experience with your family of origin?
What is your current level of emotional support?
Do you have previous mental health conditions?
Are you able bodied?

Why are these factors so important to look at when visualizing your healing journey? They will determine where you are going to start your journey, who you need to support you on your journey, what level of contact you will have to maintain with your abuser, and if the trauma from your abusive relationship will exacerbate other mental health issues you already experience.

So, instead of me telling you what recovery or healing looks like, I want you to think about what you want your life to look like. What would a life look like where you are content, have stability, can make autonomous decisions, feel confident in who you are and what you can do, and find some joy?

Some of the common strategies or areas of focus for healing from domestic violence are:

Education
Regulating Your Nervous System
Redefining Your Sense of Self
Creating a Strong Inner Circle of Support
Safety

If you are not sure where you need to start on your journey, The Rising Beyond Community may be for you. You will get support from trained therapists and survivors as you determine what a life healed will look like for you. And once you have determined where you want to go, we will help provide you the strategies you need to get there.

Please leave us a review! Reviews help the show get out to more people.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

Enjoy some of our freebies!

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How do you know when you are ready to date again after leaving an abusive relationship?

It is common that folks find themselves in two camps:

I will never date again as long as I live
I jumped into a relationship too fast and found myself another abusive, narcissistic A-hole

But, for those of you in the middle, this question comes up often.

There is no one right way to make this decision, however there are some commonalities in the things you need to see within yourself in order to best make this decision. Because there is not one right way, I asked two friends and colleagues to join me in a conversation looking at all the things to think about when starting to dip your toe into the water of dating.

Maggie VanDenBerg is a Marriage and Family Therapist and Approved Clinical Supervisor. She specializes in working with trauma survivors who have been affected by emotional and narcissistic abuse. She also specializes in perinatal mental health, couples therapy, and working with parents of young children. She contracts with Arvada Therapy Solutions, Trade Winds Therapy, and has her own private practice, Magpie Therapy and Consultation. She is passionate about normalizing the complexities of abuse, relationships, and parenthood.

Joanna Baanana has been a guest on The Rising Beyond Podcast before (ep 68) where you can learn more about her experiences.

Joanna shares about herself: In March of 2019, after an incident involving police and the removal of guns from my marital home, I began a journey that no one expects to be on. I became a client at the local domestic violence shelter - Safe Futures in Southeastern Connecticut. I filed for the dissolution of my marriage and obtained a restraining order. I also became a plaintiff in the civil family court system.

While my civil family court exposure is ongoing, I have decided to be a part of the solution as opposed to simply complaining about the injustices I see. Because of this, I am a founding member of the VOICES Committee for The Center for Safe Futures. I am on the Advisory Board of the Connecticut Protective Moms Non-Profit. I have been certified as a DV Crisis Counselor. I am a Girl Scout leader. And I’ve written my first book, a memoir, which I hope to be published by 2025.

Books Mentioned:
Heart Talk by Cleo Wade

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Struggling to keep the peace with a high-conflict ex?

Does setting boundaries make you so uncomfortable that you don’t do it? But then you are kicking yourself and are full of resentment because you said yes to something that you absolutely do not want to do or don’t have time for?

This value-packed episode of "The Rising Beyond Podcast" features sisters, Jan and Jillian Yuhas, who share revolutionary tactics from their latest book "Boundary Badass."

Discover how to reclaim your power, protect your children, and transform your co-parenting relationship from toxic to triumphant. Learn about setting rock-solid boundaries, engaging in solution-oriented communication, and aligning daily actions with your deepest values.

Whether you're dealing with legal dilemmas or everyday disputes, this episode offers possible solutions for you from folks who truly get it.

Bio: Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC are Family Mediators and Co-Parenting Coaches. They specialize in coercive control and high-conflict dynamics by guiding co-parents to overcome the challenges of divorce through creative solutions that are children-centered. Their expertise is a blend of family psychology, conflict resolution, negotiation strategy, healthy boundaries, and real-life experience to guide and serve all family members.

You can learn more about Jan and Jillian through their mediation services and coaching programs at https://www.divorcefamilymediations.com/ and
https://www.boundarybadass.com/

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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What is the most damaging lie your narcissistic ex partner has said about you? And who are they saying it to?

The smear campaign can be extremely hurtful and can cause a lot of problems with receiving support, maintaining relationships, and even family court outcomes.

But why do perpetrators of domestic violence and coercive control use the smear campaign post separation?

The are trying to get back control and limit your support
They are trying to hurt you on purpose
They are trying to protect their own ego and perception of others

What can you do about these false narratives and lies?

There are some logistical and tactical things you can do with communication strategies and documentation strategies (see episode 32) and can show consistency in who you really are and show the contrast between you and your ex.

But how can you stomach these smear campaigns?

Know you are not alone
Change your mindset to see the lies as data
Remember the source of the information
Radically accept what is in your control vs what is outside your control
Assess if this is a battle worth fighting for
Learning to stay regulated through difficult emotions
Finding a community of support

Ep 32: Surviving the False Narrative of Your Abuser

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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How does co-parenting change when either you or your narcissistic ex partner finds a new significant other?

What role does your new partner play in the situation?

Safety Alert: Oftentimes your abuser will increase their intensity of post separation abuse when you find a new partner. This is not meant to scare, only to inform.

First, it is important to have open communication with your new partner before things become extremely serious. This means that you will need to wrap your own mind around what your relationship looks like, develop the skills needed to share this with your partner, and know when, what, and how you are sharing with them.

We also look at what roles your new partner will play in parenting, communication with your ex, and how they can support you, as well as how to mitigate any concerns that come along with your ex’s new significant other.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Documentation is extremely important for victims and survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. But is what you are documenting really going to matter? And how can we keep it safe?

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, I interview Sheri Kurdakul on her experience as a survivor, the shortcomings of the family court system and other larger systems, and why she decided to create Victims Voice. She critiques the existing legal and therapeutic approaches to domestic violence, especially the requirement of mandatory co-parenting in such situations, and calls for more accountability.

the Victims Voice app, a tool she created to help victims of domestic abuse document their experiences in a legally admissible way. The episode explores how this app aids survivors and professionals across various sectors, emphasizing the importance of privacy, safety, and inclusivity for all victims, including those within the LGBTQ and indigenous communities.

We also briefly touch on the ethical considerations when partnering with other organizations and the decision to operate as a for-profit instead of a nonprofit.

Sheri Kurdakul is the Founder of EBinRA, Inc. dba VictimsVoice and serves as its Chief Executive Officer. Formerly, she was the Managing Partner of Holistic Business Solutions, a small business, and nonprofit consulting firm. As a survivor of child abuse, child sexual assault, sexual assault, and domestic violence, she has devoted herself to ensuring victims of discrimination, harassment, and abuse are heard, believed, and able to seek legal justice. She resides in Central New Jersey with her husband and daughter, as well as a myriad of adopted furry family members.

Victims Voice App Website https://victimsvoice.app/
On social media as @victimsvoiceapp

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Everyone that knows anything about our family court system knows that it continues to harm survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. Most want extreme court reform, while those that benefit would like to keep it just like it is.

In this episode I share my experience testifying at the House Judiciary Committee in support of HB24-1350 and how listening to the opposition and those who showed up in the amendment position spotlighted areas that were unclear. This changed my view of the bill from a support position to an amended position.

By the time you listen to this episode, the bill will likely have been amended and changed a bit and may have been voted on in different arenas. There likely will not be a final vote on if this bill will be made into law at the time this episode is released.

The number one lesson that I learned from listening to all the testimony for this bill is the importance of clarity when it comes to setting any rules, laws, accountability, or standardization when a narcissistic person is involved. They are so good at muddying the waters and exploiting loopholes and our laws need to be watertight.

Make sure to follow me on socials or hop on my email list to get updates on the passing (fingers crossed) of HB24-1350.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Everyone talks about the financial abuse that occurs when you are in an abusive relationship. But what happens after you leave?

The financial abuse continues during post separation abuse and oftentimes gets worse. When an abuser believes they are losing control of their victim, they will adapt, intensify and find other ways to abuse.

This includes refusing to pay child support or becoming under or unemployed so they do not have to pay as much child support. But the main way in which a narcissist will continue their financial abuse post separation is through continued litigation and legal abuse.

So, what can you do to mitigate the financial impact of your narcissistic ex partner?

In this episode I talk with financial advisor and survivor, Liz Bailey on her experiences of financial abuse post separation and ways in which survivors can get back on track and maintain some level of groundedness throughout the process.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Coparenting with a narcissist is a challenge no matter the age of your child. We often focus on co-parenting when your children are younger because of the inherent safety concerns. But things don’t necessarily get easier as your children get older.

There are new challenges when you are co-parenting your teens. There are still safety concerns, but they look different.

Some of the new areas of conflict are:

When one parent has structure and rules and the other parent has none
When the narcissistic parent uses the teen as their only emotional support
Issues around mental health care or substance use
Phones, curfews, driving, first jobs, and more

In this episode we will talk about how to mitigate these challenges that develop as your child moves into the teen years.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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What role should extended family play in your life and your children’s lives after divorcing a narcissist?

Your divorce will have a ripple effect on those in yours and your children’s lives and your extended family will feel this. Your ex’s extended family will also be impacted. The role they get to have in your life and your children’s lives will vary depending on the situation and your relationship with each of them. In this episode I share some things to think about to help you make decisions on what role you would like them to play.

First and foremost, it is important to assess the safety of each of these relationships; physical safety and emotional safety. Who do they believe? Will they put your child’s safety ahead of everything else? What type of support are they willing to give?

Then you will need to think about what the communication needs to look like for everyone involved to be safe. This includes setting boundaries and expectations with your side of the family and possibly sharing these with your ex’s extended family as well if you have the opportunity.

Think about how to manage special occasions and vacations. What is in your parenting plan and how can your extended family be involved?

These situations can be extremely challenging and being proactive in making these decisions for yourself can prevent a whole lot of stress later on.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Has the constant stress from your narcissistic relationship and continued post separation abuse had a negative impact on your physical health?

It is common that the constant hypervigilance and ongoing trauma will cause problems with sleep, your digestive system, your immune system…basically all of your systems.

Is there anything you can do about it?

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast I talk with Stephanie Small, LCSW on a more holistic approach to regaining your physical and emotional health as you heal from abuse. How can you use nutrition and supplements to accelerate your healing journey?

We address the current Western medical model where the goal is to reduce symptoms rather than find the root of the problem. The goal of this more holistic approach is to identify the root causes before starting to treat the concern.

We start by exploring gut health and how it is the gateway to our overall health and wellness. Our digestive process is not only linked to our physical symptoms, but our mental health as well. Stephanie discusses the importance of blood sugar regulation and managing inflammation as a huge component to using nutrition on your healing path.

Stephanie's Bio:
As a licensed clinical social worker / somatic psychotherapist and functional nutritionist, I help people reconnect to their wild and essential truths. In addition to my private practice, I also consult, supervise, teach, and speak at live and online events. I founded my practice Stephanie Small Health in 2012. Ten years later, I founded Las Lobas del Corazón, a holistic psychotherapy and health clinic that exists in order to make deeper and more effective healing available for everyone, regardless of income level. I am of Ashkenazi descent and use she/her pronouns.

I hold a BA from Yale University and an MSW from Smith College for Social Work, and multiple certifications in various disciplines and modalities, including Holistic Nutrition Education from Bauman College and Mental Health Nutrition from the Academy for Addiction and Mental Health Nutrition. I also created the five week online course Supplements and Nutrition for Mental Health. When not working, I enjoy immersing in cold creeks, pursuing the art of eight limbs, singing songs in other languages, kitchen witchery, connecting with various loved ones including the two legged, four legged, rooted and elemental

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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When addiction intersects with domestic violence and narcissistic abuse scary things can happen.

The intensity of abuse typically increases and leaves so many women off balance.

Many victims hold onto the hope that if their partner becomes sober, they will no longer be abusive and this is the explanation many perpetrators of abuse will use to continue abusing their partners.

And while there are significant parallels between families who experience addiction and families who experience domestic violence, one does not cause the other.

My guest today is an expert in the family dynamics of addiction and we discuss the intersection between addiction and abuse as well as the many parallels between the two. We identify what sobriety actually means and how the old method of solely doing individual work with an addict and then bringing them back into the same family dynamic does not work. We identify the parallel processes that can help families experiencing addiction go through to heal as being similar to the processes when there has been violence in the home.

Kevin Petersen, LMFT is the founder of The Chronic Hope Institute. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in Colorado and Florida. He started The Chronic Hope Institute to help families that are sick and tired of being dominated by their loved one's addiction. He helps them solve the problem with a clear and concise action plan through family addiction coaching.

He is also the author of two books, Chronic Hope: Families and Addiction and Chronic Hope: Parenting the Addicted Child.

Book: Chronic Hope : Families & Addiction
Book: Chronic Hope: Parenting the Addicted Child
Kevin's Website
Kevin on Instagram
Kevin on YouTube

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Chronic Hope: Parenting the Addicted Child

Chronic Hope: Families & Addiction

You finally left your narcissistic partner and find yourself a single parent. (Let’s be real here, you were basically a single parent before) And being a single parent is HARD!

You’re working, maintaining a home, helping with homework, planning meals, driving to the extra curricular activities, and more. And, you likely also have a full time job mitigating everything that comes up during post separation abuse.

So, is there a way to get it all done and save your sanity?

There is a way. In this episode, I am going to share some strategies that you can use to start to find some balance in a life where there is not enough time and plenty of stress.
Here are my top 10 tips to finding some balance and sanity as you manage everything that single parenting and post separation abuse brings.

Be Intentional. You will need to use this intentionality through out the other strategies on this list in order to make your decisions about what is important now and which strategy will give you the biggest bang for your buck.
Compartmentalize so that the tough stuff does not bleed into other areas of your life.
Simplify. What areas in your life can you eliminate or automate things? Another questions you can ask yourself (courtesy of Pat Flynn) is “If this were easy, what would it look like?”
Structure and Routines. Nope this is not sexy, but having routines and structure prevents decision fatigue.
Break the “rules” of parenting occasionally. I know this one causes fear of retribution within the family court system, and there are some things you can do to decrease the amount of things you need to take on on any given day.
Make your free time meaningful and intentional. Make sure to add little pockets of peace or joy into your free time instead of filling it solely with dishes and laundry.
Set Boundaries. It is important that you know what matters to you now, and what is a “Yes” and what is a “No.”
Quality time vs Quantity time with your children. The quality of your time with your children is much more important than the amount of time spent.
Build your support system. Having safe people to vent to, strategize with, laugh with, and ask for help will do wonders for you if you are overwhelmed.
Ask for Help. After you have safe people in your inner circle it is possible that you can take something off y

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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...

How often are you kicking yourself because you said “Yes” to something when you didn’t have the time or backed down and agreed to one of your ex’s requests because you just wanted to avoid the conflict?

Being a victim of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse will lead to fawning or people-pleasing behaviors as a way to maintain safety and the idea of control and calm. People pleasing was a skill that kept you safe but it is something that you do not want to continue forever.

In this episode we are going to discuss how people-pleasing develops and some strategies to become more empowered, find love and acceptance for yourself, and learn to set some compassionate boundaries.

My guest, Anita Sandoval, LPCS shares her experience of generational trauma and abuse that led her to people-please and stay in an abusive relationship. We discuss how modeling of behaviors and what is accepted is passed down through generations and how difficult it is to break these cycles.

Anita's Bio:
I'm Anita Sandoval, a licensed professional counselor Supervisor and EMDR certified with over 14 years of experience and the author of 'Broken Chains,' and the host of 'Empowering Women in Conversations' podcast.

With over 13 years of dedicated practice as a licensed professional counselor at Positive Awakenings Counseling Center.

In addition to my writing, I'm also the host of 'Empowering Women in Conversations,' a podcast where we dive into meaningful discussions that aim to uplift and empower women from all walks of life.

My own path to becoming a licensed professional counselor is deeply rooted in a story of transformation. As a third-generation survivor of abuse and neglect, I know firsthand the challenges and pain that such cycles can perpetuate. However, my determination to break this cycle and become a woman empowered was unwavering.

Through years of personal growth, therapy, and self-discovery, I found the strength to rewrite my narrative. I realized that I could use my experiences to not only heal but also to help others do the same. This journey led me to the field of counseling, where I've spent over a decade honing my skills, gaining valuable insights.

Today, I'm passionate about guiding individuals and families on their own journeys from generational abuse to generational growth. It's my mission to empower others to break free from the c

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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For those of you dealing with post separation abuse and the family court system this episode is for you.

How can you live your life accepting or stomaching the decisions made by a judge or evaluator that you know in your heart is not in the best interest of your children.

How do we just accept that our systems are unjust when it is negatively affecting our babies?

Hopefully these strategies will be a place you can start.

Focusing on what is in your control vs what is not in your control. In this system and situation there are SO many things outside of our control. Focusing on the things we can control will give us a bigger bang for our buck than sharing focus with things outside of our control.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Can you be at peace with your efforts to protect your children?
- Can you be at peace with your effort to heal yourself so you can be the best parent for your children?
- Focusing on effort vs focusing on outcome can be a helpful perspective.
Be present with your children when you are with them. Give them the unconditional love that will carry them through all of the challenges they will experience.
Think back to positive times with your child(ren). If you have had your children taken from you, this can be excruciating and healing all at the same time. Children will have benefited from your attachment and love from the past even if they are not getting it directly now. Remember how you have positively impacted them in the past.
Compartmentalization: Give yourself time where you can think about things, vent about things, do your research and then set up times where you put this fight away and put it on the shelf. It’s important to not solely avoid it because avoidance will increase your trauma symptoms and it is not helpful to be in it all the time because then you cannot focus on anything else.
Find your tribe. Put as many safe people around you where you can share the struggle and allow you to hate the injustice and speak to it so that it doesn't constantly come out when you don't want it to.
Depending on where you are in the healing process, can you speak out or work towards greater change?

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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If you have google searched “Is my husband/partner a narcissist?” then it is very likely that they are.

You know that something is wrong, but it does not feel like domestic violence is the correct term because you’ve never been hit. You’ve read some things on narcissism, but what you know of narcissism doesn’t quite fit your partner.

So what is it?

In this episode, I talk with Stephany Ann on some of the differences between covert narcissists and overt, malignant narcissists and how they will show up differently in your relationship and post separation. Stephany shares her experiences of being married to one of each and what it looked like post separation. We also touch on the misconceptions of domestic violence that are keeping women stuck in these abusive relationships and the misconception that after one abusive partner you will know all of the red flags to look for in your next partner.

Meet an extraordinary woman , an attorney and recipient of the governor's award for advocacy with survivors of domestic violence, who triumphed over narcissistic abuse. With two marriages to narcissists behind her, she’s harnessed the transformative power of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to guide others on their path to healing and personal growth. Her transformation came when she shifted from “why me” to “for me”. Hear her incredible story today!

You can email Stephany at stephanyannspeaks@gmail.com to connect with her on Facebook and LinkedIn.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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If your parenting plan is not working or there has been a change in yours or your child’s lives to where the parenting plan no longer reflects the actual needed arrangements for the child, what do you do?

If you are coparenting with a narcissist, broaching a change in the parenting plan can feel extremely scary. You know that it will be a catalyst for increased engagement and conflict. So, what steps can you follow that will help minimize the conflict and increase the likelihood of a change?

A change in circumstance might be (not an exhaustive list):

A change in address outside of the parenting plan agreement
A change in school
A change in the child’s medical or mental health providers
A change in the child’s needs that the current parenting plan does not address
A loss of job that will have an impact on the current parenting plan
Abuse or Neglect
Co-parent is not following the orders AND it is causing harm to the child

If you feel like you need to broach a change in the parenting plan, there are some steps that you can take that will protect you and will increase the likelihood that the plan will be modified.

Send the initial message to “put the concern on your co-parent’s radar”
Start to accrue data and evidence that the concern is negatively impacting your child and what needs to happen to remedy this
Send a second email stating that the problem is still present, share some of the data, and then write a clear ask of what needs to be done to remedy the situation.
Be prepared for your ex to fight back and be an A-hole
Be prepared for the next possible steps in a worst case scenario

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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The trauma of an abusive relationship impacts your life in so many ways. And if the trauma remains unresolved it can show up in your body in a myriad of ways.

Elizabeth Kipp uses the phrase “Being alone in your wound” to describe how it can feel when you have experienced domestic violence and narcissistic abuse and continue experiencing post separation abuse in the aftermath. This aloneness can prevent you from fully healing.

In this episode we touch on addiction, chronic illness, people pleasing as a survival strategy, and a pathway to healing from any relational trauma.

Elizabeth Kipp is a Stress Management and Historical Trauma Specialist who uses Trauma-Trained and Yoga-Informed Addiction Recovery Coaching, Ancestral Clearing®, Compassionate Inquiry, and Yoga to help people with their healing.Elizabeth healed from over 40 years of chronic pain, including anxiety, panic attacks, and addiction. She now guides others to unleash their healing power, find freedom from suffering, and live a thriving life.She is the best-selling author of “The Way Through Chronic Pain: Tools to Reclaim Your Healing Power.”Where to Find Elizabeth:

Website https://Elizabeth-Kipp.com
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ElizabethKippStressManagement/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lizi.kipp/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabethkipp/
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@elizabethkipp9855/videos
Amazon Author Page http://bit.ly/EKBooks
Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/lizilynx/

BOOK mention in the episode: The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture by Gabor Maté, MD

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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How often do you feel misunderstood and invalidated when talking with family and friends or even the professionals in your case?

It is so frustrating when you get the questions or comments from folks who clearly do not understand narcissistic abuse or domestic violence.

How many times have you been in a situation with someone where you wish you had that one-liner that would stop someone in their tracks but it didn't come to you until hours later?

And then you're kicking yourself because you didn't get your point across and were misunderstood?

We need some canned mic drop moments to end this cycle. And this is what I am going to share with you in this episode; some responses you can use when the people around you say those things that are hurtful and invalidating.

In addition, I have created a free resource with more examples of responses that you can use and revise to make them your own to go with this episode. You can grab that free resource by going here.

Mic Drop Moments Freebie - Grab it HERE

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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One of the best weapons of a narcissistic partner is to shame you into believing you are a horrible parent.

Abusers use many tactics while in a relationship with their victim in order to illicit shame including gaslighting, constant criticism, counter parenting, questioning every decision made, and getting you to doubt your abilities to take care of your children.

These tactics cause significant harm in how you identify yourself as a parent and then how you parent your children.

The constant hypervigilance and anxiety you experience while living with your abusive partner causes you to parent in ways that are not authentic to you as well.

And then even once you have left, the constant criticism continues post separation and you are also feeling judged by the larger system of how you parent.

So, how can you start to redefine your sense of self as a safe, confident, and protective parent?

First, it is important to look at the dynamics you experienced in your family of origin. Explore any patterns of shame, criticism, or unhealthy dynamics in your upbringing.

Second, define who you want to be and what you want your relationship with your children to look like as a parent. This clarity can create a plan for action.

Next, it is important to become aware of your current strengths as a parent. If this is difficult for you to identify your strengths, find small positive parenting moments to acknowledge. And as you accrue more of these smaller moments, they will lead to more confidence that you are a good parent.

Then separate your abusers narrative from who you know you are as a parent.

If this feels impossible or you need more support, reach out to a therapist, parenting coach, or support group. Your strengths can be mirrored back to you in these settings which will improve your sense of self and help you redefine your identity as a parent.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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What if there was a way for you to show the patterns of coercive control still present in your co-parenting relationship with your narcissistic ex partner?

And what if there was a way you could organize all of your documentation for family court without having the trauma of going back and reading through everything?

A resource like this is just around the corner and I am talking with the creator of this technology in today’s episode. Anne shares how her experience co-parenting with an abusive ex partner led to her decision to create this product, AImee Says. We discuss the many challenges that arise as you try to manage post separation and verbalize it to those making decisions about your life and your children’s lives, like how coercive control is more insidious and difficult to spot when the court only has a snapshot of these behaviors.

Anne Wintemute is a post-separation abuse consultant and co-founder of Aimee Says, an Al tool for survivors. Her work strives to bridge the gap in understanding that allows perpetrators of abuse to act within a culture of tolerance. Previously, Anne was a Head of School at an independent elementary in Denver.

Where to Find Ann and the app AImee:
A Garden Grows Website
AImee Says Website

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Victims and survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse minimize their experience through comparison, which prevents you from fully healing.

If you have ever thought “I should just stop complaining or stay quiet,” because someone else’s situation seems so much worse than yours then you need to listen to this episode.

Or maybe you are constantly thinking, “Why can’t I just get over this? It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

Comparing your relationship and abuse to other victims and survivors can completely stunt your healing and growth.

“There is no hierarchy of suffering . . . being a survivor, being a ‘thriver’ requires absolute acceptance of what was and what is. If we discount our pain, or punish ourselves for feeling lost or isolated or scared about the challenges in our lives, however insignificant these challenges may seem to someone else, then we’re still choosing to be victims” (pg 8). Dr. Edith Eger

Some of the ways that I hear survivors comparing themselves to others are:

I didn’t escape, I was discarded.

I was never physically abused/sexually abused.

I don’t have children.

I was able to get a protection order or I wasn’t able to get a protection order.

I haven’t lost my children in family court and other protective parents have.

I am employed and have an education.

I have a supportive family while others do not.

Trauma is relative to you, your situation, your past, you as an individual.

Often we are using comparison to minimize our pain and betrayal. It can be so daunting and scary to really look at what has happened to us and so when we compare ourselves to someone who has it worse, it is a way to lighten the damage. But this is doing us a huge disservice. It is increasing or creating the cognitive dissonance that keeps us stuck and confused. We need to own how much harm that has been done and is still happening. By our ex partners, by the system…

“This is the work of healing. You deny what hurts, what you fear. You avoid it at all costs. Then you find a way to welcome and embrace what you’re most afraid of. And then you can finally let it go” (pg 209). Dr. Edith Eger

So, what can we do?

Name it. Name how you have been betrayed and the trauma you have experienced.
Name when you are minimizing and comparing yourself to someone el

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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Do you struggle with being present in the moment?

Trauma after surviving domestic violence and narcissistic abuse and continually being triggered during post separation abuse, mindfulness can be extremely difficult.

Do you feel like mindfulness is out of reach because you equate mindfulness with meditating on a beautiful beach?

Mindfulness means that you are aware of where you are at this moment; what you are physically feeling, what you are emotionally feeling, and what your mind is saying. It does not mean that you are feeling calm or grounded. It just means that you are aware.

Use this skill to start to become mindful:

Observe: take a look around and a look inside yourself and observe what is happening in this moment.

Just Notice: Notice what you are feeling, what your mind is saying, and if there is anything you can notice about the why, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT

Put words on: You are then going to narrate what is happening without adding judgemental statements, like I should be…

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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What needs to happen for survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse to get a fair shake in family court?

The overwhelming majority of people you ask will say family court reform or maybe that we need to burn it down to the ground and start again.

And while those of us in this space see the egregious nature of how survivors are treated in family court, at this point there does not seem to be a clear path on how to have sustainable change of this larger, patriarchal system.

So, what needs to happen for us to create a sustainable and powerful social movement to see actual change?

On this episode I talk again with Lundy Bancroft as a follow up for our discussion in episode 60. We touch on the shift of domestic violence agencies and professionals moving away from a support group and community support style of help to a more one-on-one approach to helping individual survivors as they go through family court. And while some of the one-on-one strategy is extremely helpful, the isolation of survivors is causing challenges to the overall healing of women and children. We discuss how a community support model could be extremely beneficial to support women who are in a position to start doing advocacy work.

We also discuss moving away from only focusing on education of court professionals and more to the accountability of these family court professionals in following laws that are already created and the importance of creating more protocols for these cases to follow.

We also touch on the importance of safety measures to ensure that survivors can speak out as well as their allies.

https://www.nationalsafeparents.org/
https://centerforjudicialexcellence.org/
https://www.mothersontherise.org/
https://peaklivingnetwork.org/

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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The support space for working with victims and survivors of domestic violence is confusing. It can be really difficult to know who to trust.

We talk about rebuilding trust all the time on the podcast and within The Rising Beyond Community and I find myself in a parallel process as I find the best people to share their stories, insights, and strategies with you.

I can have an amazing conversation with a professional in this space, have several clients with positive experiences, and then have several in a row that are horrific. For example some of the attorneys who I have worked with in the past, who have really stepped up and understood what domestic violence and narcissistic abuse are and how it impacts the children all of a sudden are completely different.

The parallel processes of feeling like I can’t win, feeling like I cannot trust anyone unless I have a complete background check on them, know their entire history, and get 3 references, and feeling like there is a moving target match much of what you are going through.

And what it always comes down to for me is promoting your autonomy. Promoting you in building trust with yourself so that you feel confident in making decisions.

When following or paying for any service or support, ask yourself:

How is this person benefiting from me?
Do they do what they say they are going to do?
Do they make promises?
Is my gut telling me anything about this person?
Am I being loyal to a fault with this person?
What can I learn from this person?
When is it time to move on?

You are the expert in your life and your situation. You get to make the decisions.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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If you are in family court with an abusive and narcissistic ex partner it is likely that the possibility of having a court/custody evaluation will be on the table.

Is having a separate person who is supposed to be neutral evaluate your case in order to give recommendations to the judge always helpful? Ever helpful?

There are many nuances to making the decision to choose and hire a family court evaluator and even more nuances in how to present your case when you do have one on your case.

In this episode I speak with Courtney Gilmartin, a survivor and current non-profit founder focusing on legislation to change our family court system for the better, shares her experience of post separation abuse, legal abuse, and being able to leverage a court evaluator for a positive outcome for her custody case. We touch on the importance of timing when asking for a family court evaluation, keeping the focus on the children as you are interviewed, the anxiety and mindset shift when doing the psychological assessment, and how to get through such an emotionally taxing event.

About Courtney:
Courtney is a Protective Mom of two who resides in New Jersey and is the Co-Founder of New Jersey Protective Moms, a grassroots non profit dedicated to improving the family law system in New Jersey. Courtney is also a Domestic Abuse survivor, and has extensive experience with custody litigation, Family Court strategy for Protective Moms and has become increasingly active in her efforts relating to legislative reform.

Website : NJProtectiveMoms.org
Email Me Directly : NJProtectiveMoms@gmail.com

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

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The holidays are coming and guess who always seems to ruin them?

That’s right, your narcissistic partner or ex partner. Whether you are still with your abusive partner or you are separated, special occasions are a great time and place for them to cause chaos.

Think back to all of the important events and holidays that you shared with your ex partner and see how many of them were ruined or sabotaged in some way by your narcissistic partner.

Why do they ruin these special moments?

The event is not about them and they need to remind you of this or make it all about themselves
The special occasion is important to you and they have the power to ruin it for you or hang it over your head so that you’ll do what they want you to do
People will be watching and they want to present as the perfect couple or family. This can cause so much stress because the consequences of not being perfect can be brutal.

So, what are some things you can do to mitigate all of the ways that they will try to ruin the upcoming holidays?

Check and clarify your current parenting plan or court orders
Have a plan A, B, C and maybe even D
Change your mindset on the importance of celebrating on a specific day
Focus on connection and traditions with your children, which is what they are more likely to remember than the fancy party or expensive gift
Help prepare your extended family (and maybe prepare for your family if you have difficult relationships)
Take care of yourself any moment you have the chance.
Turn off your parenting app notifications!

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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...

There are many horrific consequences of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. But I think that this one is probably the most damaging. During the course of your relationship, your autonomy is systematically taken away from you, which prevents you from being able to leave but even worse it prevents you from living a full and whole life on your terms.

In this episode I am going to share the ways in which your autonomy has been stripped away from you by your abuser and some steps that you can take to start the process of rebuilding your trust and independence so you can fully heal.

How is autonomy taken from you during an abusive relationship?

Isolation-not allowing people to mirror your strengths back
Gaslighting-questioning your reality, doubting self, doubting your choices
Labeling and name-calling i.e. you are irresponsible with money
Financial abuse/control - making you dependent on them for everything
Emotional manipulation of you and the people around you
By the larger systems i.e. the family court system or child protective services

So what can you do?

Re-evaluate or rediscover your values and who you are as a person. This will help you build trust with yourself and trust is the key to making decisions.
Increasing your safe inner circle of support
Learning to set and hold boundaries
Gain financial freedom and independence
Therapy, trauma work, emotional healing, mindfulness, etc.

Autonomy is extremely important to regain as you heal. And this is one of the most difficult parts of the process. It is the foundation that the rest of your life will be built upon as you heal.

Show Links:
Financial Support Groups:
https://allstatefoundation.org/what-we-do/end-domestic-violence/
-AND-
https://www.finabilityus.org/

Bonded by Trauma: Exploring the Parallels of Trauma Bonds and Cults Episode 52

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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What does it take to be successful in family court against your narcissistic ex when you have to represent yourself?

If financial abuse has made it impossible for you to afford an attorney or if you have chosen to go pro se after a bad experience with an attorney, what can you do to stack the odds in your favor?

On this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast Lisa Johnson with Been There Got Out shares her story of years of litigation against a narcissistic ex partner where she has had success while representing herself. She shares some of her top tips when going pro se (or even if you have an attorney representing you) and some of the things that she wished she had known before starting this process.

We also discuss the importance of having education and support as you go through what may be one of the most difficult experiences in your life and how community with safe people is paramount on this journey.

Lisa Johnson is the co-founder of Been There Got Out, a high conflict divorce coach and certified domestic violence advocate who has successfully represented herself through scores of court appearances. Her case, published in the Connecticut Law Journal, is being used as legal precedent. Her live testimony helped pass Jennifers’ Law in Connecticut, the third state in America to expand its legal definition of domestic violence to include “coercive control.” She and her partner, Chris, the male half of Been There Got Out, coach people in high-conflict relationships, divorce, custody battles, and co-parenting hell so they have the chance of the best outcome in family court and beyond. They also offer a weekly Legal Abuse Support Group for those dealing with narcissistic opponents in legal matters. Their book, "Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances'' was released in March 2023.

Where to find Lisa:
Instagram
YouTube
Podcast
Facebook
TikTok
LinkedIn

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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...

How important is it to have a thorough parenting plan if you are divorcing a narcissist?

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!

It is possible to limit the opportunities for your ex to file motion after motion (saving you money) and opportunities to exploit your niceness by creating a tight and clear parenting plan. A clear and detailed plan will better protect you and your children.

Some tips and strategies shared in this episode are as follows:

The importance of taking your time
Learning to stop some of the people pleasing and conflict avoidance specifically when your attorney pushes back
Predicting your ex partner's behaviors and perceived wins
Planning for your child growing older with a progressive plan that speaks to needs at least 5 years in the future
Not assuming your ex will ever be logical or that they know anything about parenting or your children
Being proactive with your schedule
Knowing your line in the sand and being on the same page with your attorney

In the beginning you likely feel overwhelmed and traumatized and just want some guidance. Taking the time to create a thorough parenting plan is one of the best steps you can focus on to protect yourself in the long run.

Documentation Workshop - November 3, 2023

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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...

Please do not show up to court with your narcissistic ex-partner thinking that because what you say is true, a judge will believe you.

In order to prevent the judge from thinking this is just a “he said, she said” game you need a strong documentation strategy in place. And because it is likely you have experienced trauma at the hands of your abusive ex-partner you may not show up in a credible way to those who do not understand.

In this episode, I go over some of the different types of documentation that you need to have prepared including:

Financial documentation
Documentation based on the factors of a child’s best interest
Documentation based on the factors a judge is looking for to determine parental allocation of decision-making

Some basic tips for documentation for family court include:

Documenting in a separate journal/planner/spreadsheet
Having as much documentation time-stamped
Use of a co-parenting messenger app
Use of a “vault” for evidence to be court-admissible
Marking emails/messages as important so that you don’t have to go back and search
Choosing your battles
Predicting your ex’s behaviors and perceived wins

If you want more support on how to document including ways to document based on how our minds take in information and ways to make this less than a full-time job, join us for our low-cost documentation workshop on Friday, Nov 3, 2023.

Documentation Workshop. November 3rd, 2023

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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...

“I’m not sure I can make it through this.”

If you are experiencing post-separation abuse after leaving your narcissistic partner, especially through the family court system it is likely that this thought has run through your head.

So, what can you do to get through your family court battle with your mental health and your children’s mental health intact?

I am speaking with a friend, advocate, and survivor today on what has helped her through this process and how she is making big waves in her community to improve the family court process for survivors. We touch on documentation, how to get the right form of support, identifying what is inside and outside of our control, and some mindset shifts that helped her become empowered during this experience.

Joanna writes:

In March of 2019, after an incident involving police and the removal of guns from my marital home, I began a journey that no one expects to be on. I became a client at the local domestic violence shelter - Safe Futures in Southeastern Connecticut. I filed for the dissolution of my marriage and obtained a restraining order. I also became a plaintiff in the civil family court system.

While my civil family court exposure is ongoing, I have decided to be a part of the solution as opposed to simply complaining about the injustices I see. Because of this, I am a founding member of the VOICES Committee for The Center for Safe Futures. I am on the Advisory Board of the Connecticut Protective Moms Non-Profit. I have been certified as a DV Crisis Counselor. I am a Girl Scout leader. And I’ve written my first book, a memoir, which I hope to be published by 2025.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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...

Does it feel like your child has been brainwashed and turned against you?

You used to have a close relationship and now that you have separated it has fallen apart?

Unfortunately, once your abuser has no other ways to control you, they will likely start using your children. This doesn’t start just after you have separated though; there are patterns throughout your relationship where your abusive partner has used coercive control to control your children, usually against you.

If you find yourself in this heartbreaking situation there are some dos and don’ts that can impact your relationship with your children. I share stories where the non-abusive parent proved the abuser's narrative correct by putting the child in the middle because they did not do their own work and used alcohol to cope with the trauma of the relationship and post-separation abuse. In both of these situations, the outcome was poor for both the children and the non-abusive parent.

So, what can you do if you feel like your child is being turned against you?

The most important thing is to take care of yourself. If you do not do the hard work of healing, learning how to communicate with an abuser post-separation and all the other things that go along with post-separation abuse, you may put your child in harm's way.

You need to describe the behaviors you see or hear your ex doing and how your child is being negatively affected by this. Evidence of this is important otherwise to a judge it seems like a “he said she said” game. If you need a label, stay away from the term parental alienation. For more information on this, listen to episode 44, The Myth of Parental Alienation.

And then finally, you need to act in ways that disprove your ex’s false narrative. You need to show up and find out everything you can about your child if you do not have much contact. Let them see that they are always on your mind. You need to follow through with your promises. You need to refrain from any disparaging remarks about the other parent to or in front of your child. Your children need to feel the difference between the unconditional love that you provide versus the conditional love they will receive from their other parent.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register Here for our April 5th Communicate with Confidence Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/communication

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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...

What the heck is coercive control anyway? If you have experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, you have experienced coercive control. And it’s likely that you have experienced it in ways and by people and systems that are outside of your romantic relationship.

In this episode, I have an expert on coercive control, Kate Amber, MS that is going to break it all down for you. We look at the most common challenges that survivors face as they work through the larger systems and she shares her BioPsychoSocial Quicksand Model as a framework for how professionals in the system can identify coercive control in these cases.

In this model we look at the D's:

Double Standards
Double Binds
Double Team
DARVO

The E's:

Ensnare
Entrap
Exploit
Preventing Escape

And the F's:

Force
Fraud
Fear

These are all used to maintain control over the target.

Kate Amber holds a Master of Science in the Psychology of Coercive Control from the University of Salford, a post-graduate certification in Executive Leadership from the University of Pennsylvania in Violence and Abuse Prevention, a Certification in Human Rights Consulting from the US Institute of Diplomacy & Human Rights and an ADA Advocacy Certification from Equal Access Advocates.

Ms. Amber founded End Coercive Control USA (ECCUSA) to help educate and transform the systems designed to assist persons harmed by coercive control, and restore their dignity, autonomy and freedom. She is an international speaker, consultant, trainer, writer and expert witness on domestic abuse, extremist groups and coercive control. Ms. Amber’s master’s research and dissertation, for which she was awarded Distinction, focused on her BioPsychoSocial Quicksand Model™ of Coercive Control (The PSQM™), a synthesis of seventy years of research and theory in domestic abuse, human trafficking, cults, gangs, extremist groups and torture.

Kate was recently awarded the Purple Ribbon Award for Survivor of the Year from Domestic Shelters and the Student Achievement Award for Postgraduate Student in the Directorate of Psychology & Sport, from the University of Salford for her dissertation and research on the BioPsychoSocial Quicksand Model™. Kate’s organization, ECCUSA, also received a Purple Ribbon Award for Outstanding Community Presentation or Edu

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

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...

Do you feel like you can never trust another person again? Ever?

The coercive nature of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse take aim and destroy your ability to trust in others and trust in yourself. One of the main reasons for this is because of the different violations of social contracts that you have experienced.

The definition of social contracts according to the Oxford Dictionary is “an implicit agreement among the members of a society to cooperate for social benefits.” So basically what we know and agree are how specific people are supposed to act.

Parents are supposed to meet the needs of their children and offer them unconditional love.
A police officer is supposed to protect the good guys and hold the bad guys accountable.
A soulmate or partner is supposed to love us, work through conflicts with cooperation, want the best for us and be loyal.

When these are broken, our trust is broken.

So, what can you do to start to rebuild the capacity to trust people again?

Move slowly and with intention
Remember that there are different levels of trust and closeness and not everyone will be in your inner circle of trust
You will need to learn to trust yourself before you will be able to start to discern whether or not to trust others. You can do this by becoming attuned to yourself, learning your likes and dislikes, values, and emotional cues. By being consistent and showing up for yourself in the ways you say you will. And by offering yourself grace and unconditional love.

If you want to chat more about this topic I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @risingbeyondpc

If you've been looking for a supportive community of women going through the topics we cover, head over to our website to learn more about the Rising Beyond Community. - https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/

And if you want to support the show you may do so here at, Buy Me A Coffee. Thank you! We love being able to make this information accessible to you and your community.

Canned Responses Freebie
Mic Drop Moments Freebie
Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Register Here for our April 5th Communicate with Confidence Workshop - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/communication

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...

The research is clear…our brains change after experiencing domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. The actual structure of our brains changes after experiencing this long-term coercive control and trauma.

If you have experienced brain fog, issues with concentration and focus, constant hypervigilance and irritability, you need to listen to this episode. My guest, Jennifer Frasier, the author of The Bullied Brain shares a look at her research using brain scans of those who have experienced bullying and relationship abuse. We discuss the structural changes to our amygdala, corpus callosum, and hippocampus and the consequences of these changes. We also discuss how malleable and amazing our brains are and specific strategies on how to correct and rewire those structures in our brains.

Jennifer Fraser has a PhD in Comparative Literature from the University of Toronto where she was trained to take different discourses out of their silos, put them into an arena, and see if the conversation changed. Putting bullying, abuse and brain science into the arena significantly changed the conversation. In her new book, The Bullied Brain, she uses science to debunk myths that prevail in our society in terms of bullying and abuse. Her goal is to educate and share with all who need it the key takeaway which is that the brain is wired to repair and recover regardless of what a target has suffered. We can all benefit from learning brain science and thus becoming empowered and inspired to restore our health and happiness.

You Can Find Jennifer Fraser at:

The Bullied Brain on Amazon
Jennifer's website
My "Bullied Brain" series for Psychology Today

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day.
We can't wait to see you there.

None

How can you help your child who doesn’t want to go to a visit with their other parent and the visits are court-ordered?

As a protective parent, you have a lot of weight on your shoulders. This is especially true when your child is anxious, acts out, or refuses to go on visits with their other parent and the decision is outside of your control because they are court-ordered.

I decided to do a follow-up episode to last week’s episode with Dr. Cocchiolla because I get so many questions about how to handle these situations and because this dynamic, leads to moral injury for you. In this episode, I share strategies that you can put into place as a protective parent when your child is anxious about going on their court-ordered visits. These include:

Playful strategies for pre-visit activities and rituals
Last-minute anxiety-reducing strategies for those anxiety spikes right before the transition to the other parent
Things you can say to a child who is anxious or says they don’t want to go to their court-ordered visits

As a bonus, you can download my FREE Mini-Guide: How to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits to accompany this episode and to give you some tangible strategies to try with your children that will help them build their resilience and give them a sense of agency when they have little to no control over their situation.
You can grab your Mini-Guide Here.

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

Register HERE for the Journey Back to You Retreat

Free Mini Guide to Decrease Your Child's Anxiety Around Visits

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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Parenting is hard. Parenting a child who is being coercively controlled by their other parent is on a whole different level. The misconception that domestic violence and narcissistic abuse only harms a parent and not the children living in it is putting children in harm every day.

If you are a survivor of relationship abuse and coercive control, you will experience your own triggers as your ex-partner weaponizes your children against you and increases their attempts to destroy your agency as a parent and your relationship with your children.

In this episode, Dr. Cocchiola and I discuss the larger context of coercive control, from a micro, meso, and macro perspective. We discuss how our children are being negatively affected by witnessing abuse and coercive control within the parental relationship and how they are negatively affected by being coercively controlled themselves. Dr. Cocchiola shares some examples of things you can do as a protective parent to help your child build their resilience and agency including ways to help them rewire their nervous system.

Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Educator, Researcher, Survivor, and Protective Parent. A college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years and has been a social justice advocate since the age of 19, volunteering for a local domestic violence/sexual assault agency. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of both adult and child victims, researching and developing training on these topics both nationally and internationally.

Most importantly, through her own clinical expertise as a trauma-trained therapist, research, and personal experiences, Dr. Cocchiola understands the impact that coercive control has on children. She coaches and supports victims and survivors as they navigate parenting their harmed children. She has created programming to educate protective parents and their allies, such as clinicians, coaches, and court professionals on the experiences of children, victims of the coercive controller.

Dr. Cocchiola is a Founding Member of the International Coercive Control Conference and a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. She has actively supported codifying coercive control, writing numerous policy briefs supporting these efforts.

Where to find Dr. Cocchiola:

www.coe

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

Register HERE for the Journey Back to You Retreat

Communication Workshop

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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“How can I let go of my anger?” I am asked this question all the time by survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. And my answer…”Do you need to let go of your anger?”

Your anger is WARRANTED!

A recent situation led to an amazing conversation about anger in The Rising Beyond Community and I wanted to share that with you all in this episode.

Anger isn’t good or bad…it just is.

So many of my clients are really uncomfortable with anger for good reason. They experienced extreme consequences when they showed any anger or displeasure in their abusive relationship. The anger shown by their partner was scary. And most women have been conditioned since they were young girls that “anger is not becoming of a lady.” And so we push it down. But anger has some benefits to us as well.

So, if you have a situation where you are angry, ask yourself these questions:

Where is this anger coming from?
Is this anger creating a catalyst for action?
Is this anger causing me to go into a freeze state?
What can I control/What can I not control?
What support do I need?

Learn the different ways to move out of a freeze state so that you can use anger for action and how to start to use anger in a way that will move you forward.

Show Notes:

www.risingbeyondpc.com/membership

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

Register HERE for the Journey Back to You Retreat

Communication Workshop

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/
https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/
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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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What does an expert with over 30 years of experience specializing in interventions for abusive men and their families think about our family court system?

I had the privilege to sit down with Lundy Bancroft to discuss the current state of our family court system and his thoughts on how it is continuing to harm mothers and their children. We discuss the recent passing of Kayden’s Law in Colorado and his thoughts on the impact of legislation. His belief is that we should not be creating a movement solely to pass a law, but use the momentum from the passing of a law to create a movement.

We take a look at how many advocacy groups passionate about supporting survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse are working within silos, which is preventing the movement from generating the traction needed for significant change.

Lundy shares the approach for writing his first novel with the hopes that it will have a greater reach to helping family and friends of survivors dealing with post-separation abuse and the family court system.

And in case you don’t know who Lundy Bancroft is:
Lundy Bancroft has over thirty years' of experience specializing in interventions for abusive men and their families. He has authored seven books, including the world’s best-seller on domestic violence, Why Does He Do That?, and the prizewinning professional book The Batterer as Parent. Lundy is the former Training Director of Emerge, the U.S.’s first counseling program for men who batter and was involved in over 2000 cases as a counselor and clinical supervisor. He has served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness. His new book and first novel is In Custody: A Carrie Green Mystery, in which domestic violence meets the family law system.

References:

Order Lundy's book In Custody

Center for Judicial Excellence

Connie Valentine of the California Protective Parents Association

Communication Workshop

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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Did you know that Kayden’s Law passed in Colorado? Kayden’s Law is one step needed to keep children safe as families go through our family court system.

If you are a survivor of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse and you share children with your abuser, it is likely that you will find yourself in a family court battle when you leave. Our family court system needs significant reform in order to put the interest of children at the forefront to protect them from abusive and narcissistic parents.

On this episode I have a conversation with Colorado Representative Meg Froelich, one of the sponsors of Kayden’s law about the incremental changes that are happening and that still need to happen to reform our family court system. We break down what Kayden’s Law requires of court professionals with regard to training, who can be considered an expert in these cases, and how it prevents reunification camps that are harmful to children. We look at the views of the opposition and other challenges to having bills like this passed, with the hope of more states being able to gain some traction and pass similar legislation in their states.

Representative Meg Froelich is in her third term in the Colorado House of Representatives and serves as the, Chair of the Transportation, Housing and Local Governments Committee and sits on the Energy and Environment Committee.

Rep. Froelich has a passion for recruiting, supporting, and training women who run for office which has informed her extensive work on protecting women and children. She was the prime sponsor of the Reproductive Health Equity Act, (2022), which preserved the fundamental right to access the full range of reproductive healthcare in Colorado and the Protections for Reproductive Healthcare Access, (2023), which ensured protections for providers and reproductive and gender affirming healthcare access. She has promoted the rights and protections for sexual assault and domestic violence survivors with recent bills, Julie’s Law, (2021), and the recently signed Kayden’s Law, (2023), and the Forensic Medical Evidence Process Improvements, (2023), which will provide funding for additional access to services for victims of sexual assault As a former teacher and parent to three Littleton Public School graduates, Froelich has helped to increase K12 education funding, recalibrate our teacher evaluation system and to advocate for equity and inclusion for our students.

Rep. Froelich was previously elected to the Greenwood Village City Council in 2003 where she served two terms on Greenwood Village City Council and was the liaison to the Greenwood Village Chamber of Commerce (now DTC Chamber) and the Highline Canal Preservation Association. Prior to being elected to public office, Rep. Froelich produced many historical documentaries for television (American Experience, BIOGRAPHY, American Masters) and completed Strong Sisters: Elected Women in Colorado in 2016. She has served as the Executive Director of the Colorado Institute for Leadershi

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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The myths and misconceptions about domestic violence and narcissistic abuse prevent those who want to support their loved ones who have been victims from supporting them without victim blaming.

I asked hundreds of survivors what they felt were the most important things for their support people to understand in order to offer the support they need throughout their healing journey. I was overwhelmed with responses and identified some of the most common themes to share with you in this episode.

The top 8 most common ideas or themes that survivors want you to understand in order to support them are:

Secrecy allows the abuse to continue.
There are many different forms of relationship abuse outside of physical abuse which are often times more damaging.
Victims often return to their abusers for a myriad of reasons; their brains have been conditioned to assess for the danger based on where their abuser’s mind is at that day to allow them to compute the safest behaviors for them and their children. This makes it feel less safe when they have no contact.
Abuse does not end when the relationship ends. Sometimes post-separation abuse is worse.
Our family court system is set up to support continued abuse, does not look out for the best interests of the child, and supports secrecy to continue.
Domestic violence and coercive control do extreme amounts of harm to children and someone who is abusive to the other parent of their child is unable to be a safe parent.
A survivor of relationship abuse has so many internal struggles including self-doubt, shame, and extreme indecisiveness.
If you are supporting a survivor of narcissistic abuse you need to ensure that you have support too.

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

Do you remember your lightbulb moment? Maybe it was the first time you heard the term narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, or love bombing.

How can a survivor move from that lightbulb moment to feeling joy and thriving in their lives after an abusive relationship?

In this episode, I chat with Tracy Malone about her lightbulb moment and how that has led her to helping hundreds (maybe thousands) of survivors of narcissistic abuse along this healing path. We touch on some of the most common challenges survivors will experience, the differences in the healing process when you have been discarded rather than escaped, and the importance of peeling back the onion to those early messages learned in your family of origin that have impacted your relationship decisions and self-worth.

Tracy shares some of the ways she helps survivors through her book, “Divorcing a Narcissist: You Can’t Make this Shit Up” and her healing journals.

Tracy Malone Author, Speaker, Educator, and International narcissistic abuse divorce coach. She is a surTHRIVER of abuse herself and the founder of NarcissistAbuseSupport.com. Tracy's Bestselling book is– DIVORCING A NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up! As well as 32 healing journals.

Tracy has a popular YouTube channel and podcast that has reached millions of survivors.

Tracy's Website
Tracy's Facebook Group
Tracy on Instagram
Pinterest
Tracy's YouTube Channel
Tracy's Podcasts
Tracy on Twitter

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

What constitutes moral injury?

It is quite possible that you have experienced enough trauma to have symptoms of PTSD after experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse. And it is also possible that this is compounded by something even deeper; the destruction of your moral code.

As promised in episode 50, I am doing a deep dive into all things moral injury so that I can help you become unstuck on your healing journey and find self-forgiveness which is required for healing. I reached out to Dr. Daniel Roberts, a leader in the research on moral injury to learn how experiences lead to moral injury and how one can heal.

In this episode, we touch on the differences between a moral dilemma, moral distress/conflict, and moral injury. Dr. Roberts shares what he has seen to be effective in treating moral injury and the next step in researching this topic.

Dr. Daniel Roberts is the President and CEO of Moral Injury Support Network for Servicewomen, Inc., and a 20+ year U.S. Army Chaplain Corps member. In the span of time, he has helped many servicewomen who experienced moral injury due to sexual assaults, bullying, spousal infidelity, and other traumatic events. His work and research on moral injury and providing pastoral care have been published in the Journal of Health Care Chaplaincy, the Journal of Pastoral Care and Counseling, the Qualitative Report, SAGE Business Cases, and Amazon.

Show Links:

Moral Injury Support Network for Servicewomen, Inc. (MISNS) web page: https://misns.org.

MISNS interviewing spouses of military service members with PTSD for our moral injury research project: https://misns.org/what-is/moral-injury-research/seeking-participants-for-research-project/.

MISNS provides moral injury training for organizations: https://misns.org/moral-injury-training-for-your-organization/.

Through the Harriet Tubman Chaplain Network, MISNS provides free pastoral care to women veterans in the U.S. and Canada: https://misns.org/tubman-chaplain-network/.

Donate now to support research and programs that help women veterans suffering from moral injury: https://misns.org/donate/.

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

Have you even allowed yourself to think about setting goals for your life after surviving an abusive relationship?

Instead of just surviving, I want to invite you to set some long-term goals so that you have some direction to start living again.

In this episode, we explore some of the most common ideas and goals that survivors long for but do not believe are possible for their lives; finding a sense of peace and freedom, finding safety for their children, not being triggered all the time for example. And after choosing a goal (or two or three), you will learn how to reverse engineer your healing or process so that you have some direction and know your next best step on your journey.

This framework requires you to determine what parts of your situation are within your control and which parts are outside your control to know where to place your focus. And while it may feel like you do not have control of anything, you might be surprised to learn that you likely have more control than you think.

domesticviolence.org

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

Don’t sign off on your parenting plan until you have listened to this episode! There may be loopholes that a narcissistic ex-partner will exploit for years to come.

Divorcing an abusive ex-partner leads to further abuse, called post-separation abuse, especially if you share children with them. The way our family court system is set up allows abuse to continue and at times actually seems to support the abuse.

So, it is imperative that you know what loopholes to look out for as you create a parenting plan as a part of the separation and divorce process, to prevent as much of the post-separation abuse as possible and to protect your children.

In this episode, Jan and Jillian Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC and I discuss some of the most common loopholes that are exploited by a narcissistic ex-partner and some ways that you can mitigate these loopholes ahead of time.

We explore the most common loopholes regarding:

Travel and vacation time
Substance Use and Mental Health Concerns of a parent
Inability to Parent
Breach of Contract
Parentification (basing decisions like when they can be left home alone on child development)
Introduction of New Romantic Partners and their role in the child’s life
Make-up time for visits
First Right of Refusal

Bio: Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC are Family Mediators and Co-Parenting Coaches. They specialize in coercive control and high-conflict dynamics by guiding co-parents to overcome the challenges of divorce through creative solutions that are children-centered. Their expertise is a blend of family psychology, conflict resolution, negotiation strategy, healthy boundaries, and real-life experience to guide and serve all family members. You can learn more about Jan and Jillian through their mediation services and coaching programs at divorcefamilymediations.com

Website: divorcefamilymediations.com
Instagram: @divorcefamilymediation

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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Testifying in court is an extremely overwhelming and scary experience, especially when you are testifying against your abusive ex-partner.

In this episode, I share some tips on things to do before, during, and after a hearing where you will need to testify in family court.

Before you show up to court, make sure you have:

Organized documentation
Practiced with your attorney/divorce coach/therapist
Practiced self-regulation and grounding skills
Set up your support network and have them on standby
Planned a comfortable outfit that shows respect to the court
Snacks, water, money in the bag you will bring to court

The day of court

Show up early, 30 minutes before your scheduled time
Walk in with a support person
Double check you do not have anything that cannot go through security
Use the restroom

Testifying

Take a breath/count to 3
Listen carefully to what is asked and answer accordingly (ie. if a yes or no question, answer with yes or no)
Trust your attorney to tell the story
Talk about observations, not labels
Bring a small object as an anchor
Do NOT lie on the stand

After

Walk out with a support person or your attorney
Schedule a time to process with attorney and/or therapist
Safety plan if needed

Extra links:https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/family-court-checklist

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-7233

Text START to 88788

Come join us, and others like you, for a mini retreat in Golden, Colorado on Thursday, October 5, 2023. The Journey Back to You is an opportunity to begin practicing the skills that will help you get back to you post-separation. Rediscover who you are again. Wake up each morning knowing you can find more joy and meaning each day. Knowing you are showing up and modeling authenticity and integrity for your children each day. More details to come soon.

Join the Waitlist!

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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If you have struggled to move on from your abusive partner and feel a draw to return or if you are a support person who is frustrated and confused as to why someone would continue to return to an abusive relationship, this episode will shed some light on the topic.

A trauma bond is a powerful aspect of many abusive relationships and is often overlooked, misunderstood, and minimized. Its effects are long-lasting and devastating for the victim and have many similarities to someone who has experienced life in a cult.

A trauma bond is characterized by:

An intense emotional connection with a false sense of attachment
And extreme power imbalance which leads to the victim becoming emotionally dependent on the abuser
Isolation
Is done through a process of intermittent reinforcement and a cycle of idealization and devaluation

And results in:

A complete loss of self identity
Significant amount of guilt and shame
Cognitive dissonance
Moral Injury
PTSD
Extreme difficulty in letting go of the relationship

These characteristics are extremely similar to how a cult works to obtain and maintain its members. The healing process when there has been a trauma bond is also similar to healing from a cult experience. These include:

Redefining your values and belief system
Deconstructing the indoctrination that you were conditioned with
Finding a support system that understands what you have been through
Self-compassion and self-forgiveness
Establishing boundaries
Reclaiming autonomy by increasing your knowledge and making and standing by your choices
Getting professional help to process your trauma

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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The misconception that once a victim leaves an abusive relationship they are safe and can move on leaves the majority of survivors without the support they need and alone as they mitigate post-separation abuse.

In her new book, It’s Not “High Conflict” it’s Post Separation Abuse, Kaytee Gillis, LCSW shares the story of this dynamic in a gentle, yet realistic way. In this episode, we explore some of the most common themes during post-separation abuse, specifically how our current family court system not only allows this to happen but supports continued abuse. Kaytee shares some tips on how to make it through this difficult time using the N.E.B. technique for communication with an abusive ex (Necessary, Emotionless, and Brief). The importance of Never Assessing the Patterns (N.A.P.) by labeling your ex-partner as a Narcissist or using the term abuse in the courtroom. And we also discuss the all too real experience of having to respond and attend family court without legal representation due to financial abuse.

Kaytee is a psychotherapist, author, and consultant with a passion for
working with survivors of relationship and family trauma. Her recent book, It's Not High Conflict, it's Post Separation Abuse, sheds light on the way abusers take advantage of the legal system to continue their abuse.
Her blog on Psychology Today, Invisible Bruises, posts articles in support
of family and relationship trauma survivors. Kaytee has been featured on Psychology Today, iHeart radio, Psychotherapy Networker, The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show, CP24 News out of Toronto, Newsweek, Shaye Ganam, and others.
Kaytee has given trainings for The Zur Institute on recognizing patterns of domestic violence and helping survivors move forward. Trainings are available for all clinicians on her website or on The Zur Institute.

To get in touch with Kaytee:
www.kaytlyngillislcsw.com
Instagram: @KurleeKaytee
Instagram: @Claras_ _Voice – support for relationship trauma survivors and allies
Facebook: @KayteeLCSW
Facebook: Claras Voice- a group in support of relationship trauma survivors and allies
Twitter: @Kaytee_Gillis
Blog: Invisible Bruises, Psychology Today

Buy her book! It’s Not “High Conflict” it’s Post Separation Abuse

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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If you have tried all of the trauma treatments and still feel stuck as you heal from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, then moral injury may be to blame.

Moral injury refers to the psychological, emotional, behavioral and spiritual distress you feel after exposure to a situation where you feel like you have violated your conscience or moral compass when you take part in, witness, or fail to prevent an act that goes against your own morals, values or personal principles. It is often when you are told to act by someone who has authority or power over you.

Moral injury may look similar to PTSD with symptoms of extreme shame and guilt, loss of faith in humanity, issues with trust, loss of self-worth and identity, and extreme levels of cognitive dissonance. You may find yourself withdrawing from others, using self-destructive behaviors, avoiding triggers and questioning your values and morals.

The difference between PTSD and Moral injury is that PTSD comes from an experience when you are in a dangerous situation and have the risk of bodily harm or death. Moral injury comes from the experience of acting against your morals or values either at the direction of someone else or by your own choice.

One example of how this shows up in survivors experiencing post-separation abuse and the family court system is being ordered to send your children to their other parent’s house knowing that they may be abused by that parent. And still, you are required to do so.

While this is a newer psychological experience that is being researched and there are not a lot of evidence-based modalities researched, specifically with survivors of relationship abuse, there are some things you can do to start the healing process.

Self-reflection and acknowledgment of the situation
Identifying values and morals
Increasing your support network including professional mental health care
Deconstructing the narrative and labels you place on yourself due to the situation
Self-compassion and forgiveness work

Rising Beyond Podcast Episode - To Forgive Or Not To Forgive

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You learn that your high-conflict co-parent has shared lies with the school or your child’s therapist. You fear that these will be believed automatically and you panic. How do I defend myself now?

It is hard knowing that your narcissistic ex-partner will try to take control of the narrative in every situation they can and that you will have to find a way to defend yourself when the professional they lied to carries a lot of weight in your child’s life. So what can you do?

Manage your expectations: It is likely they will build a relationship with these professionals and lie about you.
Maintain composure: Stay calm, and manage your NS to feel prepared when discussing the issue with these professionals. Emotional reactions may hinder effective communication and until they can see more of your ex’s patterns they might mistake for the false narratives of your ex.
Gather evidence: Collect any evidence that refutes the lies being spread, such as emails, text messages, or other documentation.
Request time with them: Schedule a meeting with the relevant professional to address the situation. Provide them with the opportunity to hear your side of the story.
Focus on facts and stay on topic: Clearly and objectively state the facts, emphasizing the impact the false information may have on your child's well-being.
Be cooperative: Show your willingness to collaborate with this person to ensure your child's best interests are protected.
Maintain open communication: Establish an open line of communication to address any concerns promptly. Regularly update them on the situation's progress and maintain a positive working relationship.
Seek legal advice if necessary: If the situation persists or escalates, consult with a family law attorney who can guide you on potential legal actions or steps to protect your rights and your child's well-being.

Throughout this whole process, you are showing consistency, you are showing up, and are maintaining a focus on your child's best interests. Your words match your actions. You show your concern and then you do what a concerned parent does.

And remember, the primary focus should always be on your child's well-being and safety.

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Did you grow up learning that you were never good enough? Did it feel normal when your abusive partner started their emotional and psychological abuse in your relationship?

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can set you up for unhealthy relationships as an adult.

Dr. Praveena specializes in working with adult children of narcissistic parents after her own experiences growing up. In this episode, we discuss how to change the thought patterns that were conditioned in your mind as a child and how to stop people-pleasing. Dr. Praveena shares the framework she uses with survivors to find freedom from their narcissistic parents, but also those toxic thoughts that keep survivors stuck in that cycle. One of the first steps in to find self-forgiveness and self-love as you try to take control of your life and find freedom.

Dr. Praveena is a Certified Mental Health & Awareness practitioner and works with parental narcissistic abuse victims. She uses various techniques and coping mechanisms, including her personal life experience, to help victims recognize abusive behaviors, heal and live an empowered life. She has also created a framework known as the Narcissistic Victim Empowerment Technique (NVET) to help victims find freedom from manipulating and controlling thoughts of toxic parenting. She understands that many may find it difficult to speak about parental narcissistic abuse due to the trauma bondage and societal perception associated with it, hence Dr Praveena takes it as a personal mission to empower as many individuals out there to take the reins of their own life.

Dr. Praveena has a dedicated column called “Mind the Mind” in The Sun; Malaysia’s national daily where she writes about mental health awareness. Also, she sits at the board of Malaysia Mental Health Association (MMHA)

On the professional front, Dr. Praveena wears various hats. As an engineer, academician, researcher and avid animal activist, she holds notable positions in multiple non-profit organizations and serves as a voice for issues pertaining to the environment and animals. For her numerous contributions to the society as a whole: people, environment, and animals namely, Dr. Praveena has received the Malaysia's Women Leaders Award by the World Women Leadership Congress.

Show Links:
Dr. Praveena's Website
Freebie Download: 14 days to an Empowered You

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Everyone talks about the escape from domestic violence or a narcissistic relationship. The resources and support are for those trying to escape the abuse.

But what if you were not trying to escape? What if the reason you are now separated from your abuser is that you were discarded?

In this episode, we look at the differences in support, perception, and reactions after separation from an abusive partner when the victim is discarded vs someone who left on their own volition and timeline. Shame can increase when a victim is not the one who has chosen to leave, the grief process may be prolonged or look different, and the belief that a discard means that there will not be post-separation abuse is debunked.

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You can never have too many tools as you heal from relationship abuse.

I want to offer you the power of journaling.

Okay, okay...before you roll your eyes and think nope, journaling is not for me, please stay open to the possibility.

Because I have seen the power that telling and writing our stories can have on healing from abuse, I called in an expert. Amanda Stern is a journaling coach helping people live better, happier lives as they journal their way to self-discovery, success on their own terms, and a life they don’t want a vacation from, even after domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.

We discuss the many different forms of journaling and strategies to find the best fit for you and your healing journey. We discuss the most common barriers that prevent people from using journaling to help them heal and ways to overcome them.

Amanda Stern is a journaling coach helping people live better, happier lives as they journal their way to self-discovery, success on their own terms, and a life they don’t want a vacation from. She works with clients 1:1 and in groups to help them understand how to use journaling as a mechanism for growth, change, and transformation. She shares journaling inspiration and resources, as well as lots of journal prompts in her weekly newsletter and in her daily posts on LinkedIn.

Amanda can be found at GoodThingsComeToThoseWhoJournal.com.

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Have you been able to find the support you needed after leaving an abusive relationship? There is often support right after leaving or as you try to escape, but what about as you try to get your life back on track?

My guest, A. Garcia shares her story of leaving her abuser after an attempted murder of her and her unborn child and having to advocate for herself in a place where she had no connection. 1000 phone calls later and she finally found an advocate. She shares her healing journey with her children and is vulnerable about the continued healing she is still working through. We also discuss her role in actively supporting survivors so that you do not have to make the 1000 calls to get help.

Ms. Garcia is a PTG Strategian, Whole Life Coach, Certified High Performance Coach with a tenacious attitude toward empowering others. Over the past 35 years she’s navigated through domestic violence, privacy, safety, vulnerability, and the mindset to endure personal adverse events in life. Her survival of a double attempted homicide while 8 months pregnant (by the father) and the desperation to survive became the catalyst to the foundation of BYIS while achieving an undisputed outlook of independence. Her personal journey of Post Traumatic Growth has led Garcia to dedicating her life in developing transformational programs, various forms of coaching, and establishing a nonprofit to help real time victims of Domestic Violence with real time resources. Her commitment is to provide lifelong transformational habits that can restore your powerful internal sense of awareness and control. One of her personal statements is, ‘You can move a million times, but you live in your head,’ which is why some of her laser-focused teachings are on aligning your positive belief system with your actions.

Show Links:
Www.confrontingdv.org
Www.beyourincredibleself.com

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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Do abusive parents try to use children against a protective parent? Yes.

But is it really parental alienation?

In this episode I discuss the origin of the term parental alienation, how it is used as a false narrative by abusers in family court, and what is really happening if you are experiencing a parent trying to turn your children against you.

It is really called domestic violence by proxy.

If your abuser is using the parental alienation claim falsely in court, you can use specific forms of documentation and specific behaviors to refute it. And if your abuser is using the children as a weapon during post separation abuse you can use the “gift of perspective” to help your child see through this type of abuse.

Show Links:
Joan S. Meier research article

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You dream of the day when you can find freedom and safety for yourself and your children. You escape your abusive partner and are ready to start healing. But years later, you are still dealing with the onslaught of abuse; not only from your abuser but from their family as well.

This is what my guest, Aimee has been dealing with for the last 13 years. Aimee shares her story of her abusive relationship and the post-separation abuse she has experienced and the near lethal incident that changed the path of her life. Aimee shares hope that even after such a scary and life-altering moment and consistent post-separation abuse, you can still find freedom and safety for you and your children.

Aimee is the Amazon Best Selling Author of The Re-Wilding of Womxn: Release Your Inner Wild to Live the Life of Your Dreams. She is the creator and host of Now and Zen, a Top 50 podcast, created to share the neuroscience of joy with the world. She is an expert on the neuroscience of adult learning, a speaker, a spiritual gangster, a lazy but avid meditator, and a fellow trauma survivor. Aimee’s mission is to help others on their spiritual and trauma-healing journeys through the neuroscience of mindfulness and joy. She has worked as a leader in higher education for over 20 years and regularly hosts healing meditation ceremonies and workshops in her hometown of Denver, Colorado, USA.

Website & Podcast: www.draimeecallahan.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_aimeecallahan/

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If you are like many of The Rising Beyond Community members, then your WHY is around keeping your children safe, physically and emotionally. Getting your children the support they need after leaving an abusive relationship with their other parent can feel extremely overwhelming, especially if they have to continue to see that parent without having you as a buffer.

Based on my training as a play therapist, I want to share some tips on building your child’s resilience after this transition. So, this episode will focus on using play to build your connection and attachment with your child.

As you begin to use imaginary play with your child, what is important about this special time for the two of you? First, using child-centered play will allow your child to feel some power and control when they have very little of this in their world. And second, it will give you a window into their world and allow you to connect in a way that is speaking the same language, will build problem-solving skills, and will feel amazing to your child.

Using the tools from Parent Child Interactional Therapy (PCIT), you can start to foster that connection with your child. The skills discussed are:

Praise
Reflect
Imitate
Describe Behaviors
Enjoy and Enthusiasm

Even if you can only spend 10 minutes a day due to single parent commitments or low energy levels, this type of connection will help increase their sense of felt safety with you and their resilience.

Register for the Audio Summit, April 17th-22nd: Surviving Post-Separation Abuse and a High-Conflict Co-Parent

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What questions do you have about post separation abuse? I received many many questions before, during, and after a webinar I did for domesticshelters.org and know that many of you have the same questions. In this episode I will be answering five of the questions received.

If you have not left your abuser yet, how can you prepare for post separation abuse? What should we make sure we do? What should we avoid?
Do you have some suggestions for safely maintaining boundaries while co-parenting with an abusive ex-partner?
We often work with a parent with a child who is court-ordered to visit the abuser. The children in these situations often act out and have negative behaviors when they’re supposed to go to the visits, so the protective parent often doesn’t take them-which leads the abuser claiming that the child is being withheld and may file contempt of the court order. Is there anything we can do to support clients in this situation?
How do we deal with children who are mimicking the behaviors of the abusive parent?
Do you have any tips on how to help children from blaming the survivor/protective parent and getting the kids to avoid taking sides?

Register for the Audio Summit, April 17th-22nd: Surviving Post-Separation Abuse and a High-Conflict Co-Parent

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Did you ever feel the nagging voice of your intuition telling you to get out or to stop a wedding and then ignore it? You had dreams of a happy marriage and children and you were trying to will that into existence even when there were red flags waving in your face?

My guest, Amanda Lee knows this all too well. In this week’s episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, Amanda shares her experience of falling in love with her abuser and getting married even when her gut was telling her to get out. She shares the extreme amount of shame she felt when thinking of telling her family that her relationship was not as wonderful as she made it out to be and that things were getting worse. An extreme threat of violence to her and her children allowed her to break her silence and force past that shame in order to be “one of the lucky ones.”

We discuss the feelings of shame that come up when having to be honest with family and friends and that comes up when having to accept that you have been a victim of domestic violence.

A.E. Lee started her career in Pennsylvania politics, and while she had hoped it would be everything like her favorite TV show The West Wing, she quickly learned it was not. Long hours, little pay, and even less respect she decided it was time for a change and embarked on a second career in education. She is now a beloved sixth-grade teacher in Fairfax County, Virginia.

She resides there now with her two beautiful children, Ethan and Tessa where she continues her passion for writing and being a domestic violence advocate.

Show Links:

Amanda's Website
Buy Amanda's Book
Amanda on Instagram
Amanda on LinkedIn
Robin Gobbel on the Nervous System

Family Court Freebie

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None

If you have just separated from your abusive ex and are facing family court for the first time or if you have been doing this for a while, it is important to have realistic expectations and tangible skills to use as you go through this process.

In this episode, you will learn what to expect and how to mitigate the challenges of family court with a high-conflict personality ex-partner before you go to court, during a court hearing and testimony, and then in the aftermath. Some of the topics touched on are:

Documentation
Your relationship with your attorney
Realistic expectations around the length of your case
The false narrative of your abuser
Tips for testifying in court
Mindset shifts regarding the role of your attorney and that of the opposing counsel
Safety planning after a hearing
The importance of your support network
The importance of self-care and how to regulate your nervous system

Remember that family court with a narcissistic and abusive ex is a marathon, not a sprint.

Show Links:
Blog Post - Let 'Em Have a Win
Ep 32 - Surviving the False Narrative of Your Abuser
Ep 11 - Your Nervous System Is Shot

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Even at your lowest, after experiencing trauma and domestic violence, it is possible to heal and find your purpose.

This week’s guest, Misty Chaviers shares her story of abuse and how she was able years later to heal and find her purpose as an advocate and podcaster helping other victims. She is vulnerable and shares how she used drugs and alcohol and eating disorder behaviors as a way to cope with the pain.

We discuss how important it is for professionals working in this space to be authentic and what that offers victims and survivors. This authenticity allows victims to feel safe to share their most shameful stories and secrets in order to start the healing process.

Misty Chaviers is a court advocate, case manager and podcast host of the I’m a Survivor Podcast.

Follow Misty at:
I'm A Survivor Podcast
Misty on Instagram

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Does witnessing domestic violence in your family of origin have effects on your relationships in adulthood? My guest, Lovern Gordon shares her experiences of witnessing her father abuse her mother during her childhood and how this affected her self-worth and identity and led her into becoming a victim of domestic violence later in life.

We discuss the misconception that we could pick out an abusive person by how they look and about the mask they wear for the outside world. She shares why victims continue to stay in these abusive relationships and how our survival strategies to do everything in our power to “have a good day” that then lead us to more intense cycles of abuse.

Lovern shares her experiences of how she moved from a victim to survivor and now a “surthriver” and about her current advocacy work. We discuss the need for major changes within the legal system to improve safety for victims and survivors.

Lovern Gordon is a two-time sur-THRIVER of domestic violence (a child witness until she was 15 years old in Trinidad, as well as a 2-year, young adult relationship in the United States). Ten years after escaping the adult relationship, she became the Founder of Love Life Now Foundation, Inc. (LLN), where she used 2 back-to-back pageant wins to increase awareness around issues in 2010 and the following year, LLN was formed. Today, Lovern continues to head LLN, a global awareness and education organization that supports survivors of abuse through their year-round initiatives and direct assistance to other domestic violence programs. She is also a DV awareness book author of the international memoir called, The Legacy He Left Me, which is on a nationwide book and speaking tour. She conducts DV awareness workshops worldwide, in-person and virtually for corporations, high schools, colleges and community groups.

Follow Lovern at:
Love Life Now Foundation, Inc.
The Legacy He Left Me

Family Court Freebie

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“Why can’t I just get over this and move on?”

There are many reasons why you may feel stuck in your healing process after domestic violence or narcissistic abuse. Grief is one of these reasons. And grief and loss happen when most relationships end, but it looks different for survivors.

You are likely grieving the loss of the dream of what could have been, the loss of the fictitious person your ex-partner pretended to be, the loss of time and the loss of yourself.

In this episode, I share the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and how they look different after surviving an abusive relationship versus what it looks like after someone passes away. I also share some simple steps to start moving through the grief process including:

Allowing and accepting your emotions as they come
Seeing anger in a different light
Being mindful of your emotional state and mindset when making decisions
Spending time with safe people
Offering yourself self-compassion and grace
Practical types of self-care

Show Links:
Your Nervous System is Shot - Rising Beyond Podcast, Episode 11

Family Court Freebie

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Will mediation work when you are divorcing a narcissist?

This is the million dollar question. My guest today, Liz Merrill is a mediator and divorce and transitions coach with a specialization in narcissistic relationships and high-conflict personalities. In this episode, Liz shares her experience in a high-conflict marriage and litigious divorce and how that led her to start helping others in the same situation. Liz shares the important factors to succeed in mediation including managing your nervous system, the importance of your relationship with your attorney, and the best ways to present your case. She also shares the role a mediator plays in the divorce process and some overall tips on healing from these relationships.

Liz Merrill is a mediator, an educator, and a divorce and transitions coach with a specialization in Narcissistic relationships and high-conflict personalities. She’s the owner of Open Space Mediation. Her knowledge of how the nervous system works and understanding of the role it plays in psychological and physiological reactions to trauma, conflict and anxiety brings a holistic approach to her work with families and individuals caught in the High Conflict cycle.

After her own high-conflict marriage and litigious divorce, Liz saw the need for a holistic approach to divorce mediation which includes mindfulness, managing trauma, understanding how personality traits and disorders create high conflict in divorce, and learning powerful techniques to deescalate, disengage, and move on.

Show Links:
Liz's Website Liz on Facebook
Liz on Instagram
Read Managing High-Conflict Dissolutions in Mediation and Court
The Survivor's Guide to High Conflict Divorce: A Free Video Course

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If you thought that the abuse would end after you left your abusive partner, you may be stunned and extremely overwhelmed by the continued abuse. Post-separation abuse can look different from the abuse when living with your abuser, but it can be just as harmful if not more.

So, how is it possible for you to maintain a sense of hope while you are still being abused?

What is hope?

Wikipedia says that hope (noun) is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. I prefer the definition of the verb, hope; expect with confidence.

It is important to hold onto hope, not as the belief that life will always be rainbows and butterflies, but one that includes the reality of the situation we find ourselves in.

Here are some tips to maintaining hope as you go through post separation abuse:

As you learn more about abuse, look for the opportunities of what you can use to better your situation and choose information that has a positive outcome, not just the horror stories.
Put as many safe people around you and your children as possible.
Acknowledge your progress, even the small victories
Write down your goal and put it in places you can see it
Get therapeutic support if the hopelessness remains and if you have thoughts of harming yourself or others.

Links:

Dial 988 to talk with someone at the suicide and crisis hotline

https://988lifeline.org/

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You get to that point in your relationship where you know you can no longer live with the control and abuse. You separate from your abuser and are left to pick up the pieces.

Now what? How do I recover from this? Where do I even start the healing process?

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, I have a conversation with Leanne Kanzler, a psychologist and coach on how she helps women and men who have separated from an abusive and controlling partner get back on their feet and move forward in their lives. Leanne shares not only from her career experience but also from what she has learned after leaving a controlling relationship and what it takes to heal and become empowered.

We discuss some of the first steps to healing including finding moments to become attuned to your self and body and learning to listen to what you need in the moment, how to set boundaries with others, and the possibility of needing to remove some people out of you support network and how to bring the safe people closer.

Leanne's Bio:

Leanne Kanzler is a psychologist and coach, author and speaker. She is a business owner, second-time wife, and mother.

Leanne believes that we find our true selves through our deepest wounds. Her sense of being disconnected from herself and the world around her drove her to continually self-reflect and grow.

After being in a controlled marriage for twenty years, she took a leap of faith and started to do things for herself, finding herself along the way. This journey led to many realizations, including a beautiful second marriage.

Now, she is passionate about helping others go from Breakup to Breakthrough.

This means discovering your sense of self and what you want for YOU. Self-empowerment is the key to happy relationships and great boundaries.

Leanne knows that by helping both men and women, there is a flow-on effect, where the children and extended family also benefit.

SHOW LINKS:
Leanne's website
Leanne on Instagram
Leanne on Tik Tok
Leanne on Facebook

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It is not a question of if your abusive ex will share a false narrative about you but when, to whom, and what will it be about. After working for over a decade with victims and survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse I have seen false narratives and lies cause so much distress and have legal implications. So, how can you survive these false narratives?

First, we need to understand that the false narratives do not only come up once you have left your abuser. You are conditioned from the very beginning of the relationship to be a part of these lies. Through strategies of gaslighting, DARVO, and the constant mask they wear in public, the false narrative is a constant.

These narratives seem to increase in intensity after a victim leaves and include anything that will help them avoid taking accountability, saving face, and destroying you. So what are some tips for surviving these types of attacks?

Know what to expect, remember it’s not if, but when
Learn to predict the possible narratives
Increase your inner circle of support
Choose your battles of who/what/when you defend yourself to
Defend with evidence and little emotion
Radical acceptance of what you can and cannot control

Show links:
Couples Therapy is Not the Answer

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If you are a survivor of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse and will be participating in family court, your relationship with your attorney is paramount to your success. Many attorneys shy away from domestic violence litigation because it is so difficult. Ms. Dane, on the other hand, has dedicated her career to helping survivors of violence pursue safety through the court system. She has counseled, represented, and supervised the representation of hundreds of survivors of domestic violence in family law cases.

Rachel shares some helpful tips on how to choose an attorney that will work for you and your case including some questions to ask as you interview possible attorneys and the importance of a strong client/attorney relationship. She shares her thoughts on changing your attorney during the course of your case and some things to think about before you make that decision. And she shares some tips to help you through some of the most difficult aspects of family court, including if you have to testify.

In 2010, Ms. Dane graduated fourth in her class from the University of Colorado, Boulder with a degree in Political Science. She then went on to attend the George Washington University Law School in Washington D.C. Starting with her first internship in the summer of 2012, Ms. Dane began counseling survivors of violence on the protection order process. While in D.C. she also interned with the National Network to End Domestic Violence and represented clients through several other prominent DV organizations. After moving back to Colorado, Ms. Dane started her own firm, The Survivors' Legal Institute, focusing on representing survivors in family law cases. She was selected as the Managing Attorney for Safehouse Progressive Alliance's Lawyers for Victims Program and, in 2021, joined the team at Boulder Bridge to Justice.

Show Links:
Boulder Bridge to Justice
Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence

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Communicating with your narcissistic and abusive ex can be excruciating. And if you share children with them, you are stuck having to maintain contact with them for as long as you have to coparent. What is the best strategy to protect yourself from negative outcomes in family court and stay sane during the process?

One important step you can take is by communicating with your ex solely through a coparenting app. And in this episode, I am speaking with Bianca Balogh, the creator of the Peaceful Coparenting Messenger App. Bianca shares her story as a survivor, her struggles with communicating with her “coparent” through endless family court using a common coparenting app, and why she decided to create a new one.

Bianca shares examples of where she received dozens of messages in a single day to having to comb through the weeds of narcissistic word salad in order to find the one question she needed to respond to and how it took a toll on her mental health and daily functioning. And from these experiences, she created the different features of the Peaceful Coparenting Messenger App.

*Inspired by her own difficult co-parenting journey, Bianca Balogh (BAAL-oh) created Peaceful CoParenting Messenger to help others dealing with her same situation: post-separation abuse in the form of digital communications. She has two sons, ages 6 and 8, and she felt like dysfunctional co-parenting communication with her ex-husband was impacting her quality of life, her happiness as a person and her ability to be the kind of mother she wanted to be. Bianca started the app 3 years ago. Along the way, she's found other people, men and women alike, to be grateful to have a tool that gives users the ability to set communication boundaries with their co-parent... to bring more peace back to their lives.

Show Links:*www.peacefulparentapp.com

Family Court Freebie

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There is this belief that once a woman leaves an abusive relationship that they are finally safe. This could not be further from the truth. And this is especially true if you share children with your abuser. When there is domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, the year after leaving can be the most dangerous time for a survivor.

Domestic violence is all about one partner gaining and maintaining power and control over the other partner. This “need” does not end once you escape or are discarded. And so a new form of hell will begin, Post Separation Abuse.

In this episode, you will learn the many ways in which an abusive ex-partner will attempt to maintain control after a victim has left the relationship including:

Smear Campaign to further isolate their victim
Using coercive control to continue to gaslight, criticize, shame, and blame their victim
Counter Parent to undermine the safe parent
Abusive or neglectful parenting
Harassment and stalking (huge red flags for further physical violence)
Continuing financial abuse by blocking access to funds, refusing to pay bills and child support, and quitting their jobs to limit the amount they owe
Using the family court system to further abuse the victim

You will also learn some ways to mitigate these strategies and to start the healing process despite the post separation abuse.

Some of these things are:

Good documentation
Self-care that includes therapy
Creating a safe inner circle of support (making any necessary changes to those in there now)
Learning how to set and stick with your boundaries
Getting your children the support they need
Being very selective of the professionals you have in your corner

Show Links:
Family Court Checklist - https://mailchi.mp/risingbeyondpc/family-court-checklist

Family Court Freebie

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All over the world, women experience domestic violence and other forms of abuse. And while we may see these issues on the news for a few days when there is a “news-worthy” story, the stories fade into the background and everyone seems to forget. This is exactly what is happening in Iran today.

In this episode, I have the privilege of speaking with Naz Meknat, a woman who escaped from an abusive relationship and the systemic abuse of women in her home country and has found freedom here in the United States. Naz shares experiences with the morality police and the lengths she had to go to flee, heal, and now use her voice as an activist to help those women who are silenced.

Naz’s story started 7000 miles away, however, the elements of power and control and abuse are universal.

Naz Meknat, born in Tehran, Iran is a Los Angeles-based fashion stylist and author who has been working in the fashion industry since 2005 with a degree in Fashion from the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles. As a celebrity stylist, she has worked with celebrities such as Sterling K. Brown, Brian Tyree Henry, Nyambi Nyambi, Camilla Luddington, Jeannie Mai and Tara Reid to name a few. She has also worked on countless editorial photo shoots and ad campaigns. Her work can be seen in publications such as Hollywood Reporter and Variety. In May of 2014 Naz was featured in People Magazine for her beauty, style, and unique story.

On August 26th, 2021 her first book, 7000 Miles to Freedom, a memoir, was released. 7000 Miles to Freedom is a story of survivorship and triumph, a story about persistence and resilience. Naz is an advocate for Women’s rights and works tirelessly to bring more awareness to Sexual and Domestic violence against women. She actively volunteers in her community serving as a member of non-profit organizations such as Women Helping Women, Live Your Dream, Greater West Hollywood Food Coalition, and Out of the Closet.

Show Links:
https://nazmeknat.com/https://www.instagram.com/naz_meknat/

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98% of all victims of domestic violence experience financial abuse. This type of abuse is one of the most significant barriers keeping women from leaving an abusive relationship and one of the many reasons women return to their abusers.

In this week’s episode, I interview Claudia Porter, a survivor who has experienced financial abuse and now assists in supporting financial education and independence as a financial advisor. Claudia shares her story of how financial abuse was used by her abusive partner and how he appealed the financial award all the way to the supreme court of Oregon.

Claudia shares her views on the common pitfalls that victims fall into including the more subtle and covert forms of financial abuse. She also offers first steps on what women who have recently left their abuser can do to get back on their feet financially and how you can best plan for the litigation process in family court.

Claudia joined Financial Reserve in 2016. She is a Certified Financial Planner™ professional and holds FINRA Series 7 and 66 licenses with Cambridge Investment Research as well as life and health licenses.

Born and raised in Germany, Claudia earned her M.A. in Teaching English and French from Georg-August University of Göttingen, followed by a Ph.D. in Applied Linguistics from Technical University of Braunschweig Carolo-Wilhelmina in Germany. She spent her previous academic career in adult education teaching linguistics and English to international students in both in Germany and the U.S. Prior to joining Financial Reserve, she worked with Merrill Lynch Wealth Management.

Claudia is the mother of four boys, Jack, Leonard, Nicholas, and Harry, with whom she enjoys spending time pursuing outdoor activities, tennis, swimming, biking, fishing, and reading.

Discussions in this show should not be construed as specific recommendations or investment advice. Always consult with your investment professional before making important investment decisions. Securities offered through Cambridge Investment Research, Inc., a registered Broker/Dealer, Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services offered through Cambridge Investment Research Advisors, Inc., a Registered Investment Advisor.

Show Links:https://www.linkedin.com/in/claudia-porter-cfp%C2%AE-a55a6434/https://www.nfcc.org/credit-counseling?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIu-i054KV-wIVUi2tBh0nUQRcEAAYASAAEgJUYfD_BwEhttps://www.irs.gov/forms-pubs/about-form-8857www.financialreserve.com

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Domestic Violence is all about having power and control over their partner. When an abusive partner or an abusive ex-partner feels like they are losing that control over their victim one way they can get that back is by tracking their movements and online activities.

In this episode, I am going to share a brief overview of some tips and tricks that you can use to protect yourself and your family regarding tech safety. As a part of The Rising Beyond Community, I hosted Connie Matthews Reynolds, a cybersecurity expert on all things tech safety. This webinar was recorded for free for you to watch on the Rising Beyond Power and Control YouTube channel (link below) and where I pulled the information from for this episode. I also participated in another tech safety training webinar that was hosted by Domesticshelters.org which has also informed this episode and I will provide the link to that one as well.

Show Links:
Tech Safety interview with Connie Matthews Reynolds
Domesticshelters.org

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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Does it feel impossible that you will ever be able to let your guard down after you have experienced an abusive relationship?

The aftermath of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse, especially if you continue to experience post-separation abuse can leave you feeling hopeless. And, I am here to tell you that there are some ways to slowly start taking some breaks so that you are not always feeling hypervigilant and like you need to be doing something all the time.

In this episode, you will learn some of the reasons why our hypervigilance sticks around and why it can be anxiety-provoking to give yourself a break. Listen to hear tips to relax if it feels extremely anxiety-provoking to take a break from monitoring your security cameras or checking your co-parenting app for new emails or documenting every little thing your ex is doing and the resulting behaviors of your child.

Reconditioning your brain to find times when it is safe to feel safe and remembering that you are doing all the things you need to do already can be extremely helpful in allowing yourself time to let your guard down. And we discuss the importance of having the right support around you so that when something goes wrong or you are extremely triggered, you know exactly where to go for help.

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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It is absolutely possible to heal and overcome domestic violence. This is even true for those who have experienced extreme physical violence including gun violence.

In this episode of The Rising Beyond Podcast, I have a conversation with Chantelle Mitchell, a woman who has overcome childhood abuse, sexual abuse, and was stalked and shot by an abusive ex-partner 8 months after the relationship ended. Chantelle shares her story in order to educate and offer hope so that other women and men do not find themselves in a near-death situation as she did.

We discuss why the common misperceptions around “just leave and you’ll be safe,” what a victim of domestic violence looks like, and that domestic violence only constitutes physical abuse cause victims to remain stuck in these abusive situations. Chantelle also shares what was most influential on her healing journey in order to help others start this process.

Chantelle was born in Charleston, SC. She is a motivational speaker, youth advocate, mentor, author, certified life and family coach, and most importantly a mother. As a young child, love was shown in the most toxic manner and it was the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse that she experienced that set the tone for poor choices and decisions about relationships in her adulthood. She realized that these decisions did not only affect her but her children as well. As an “overcomer” of abuse, Chantelle is passionate about educating others on understanding what trauma looks like and how important it is to heal from it.

Where you can find Chantelle:
LinkedIn
Facebook
Instagram

Show Links:
Power and Control Wheel
Continuum of Violence
Post-separation Abuse Wheel

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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There are so many ways in which victims and survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse are silenced. And this silence is one of the barriers for true change in our world to happen.

In this episode, we look at the different ways in which victims of domestic violence are silenced within their abusive relationship and by the myths and misconceptions that are still promoted by our media and uninformed professionals. I address the ways in which the larger system and court system silences victims. And we look at the gravely sad statistics on the ultimate silencing of victims of domestic violence, the murder of women by their intimate partners.

We end the episode with a look at some of the things that can be done to start breaking the silence and offering a place where survivors can find their voice and support.

Show Link:
https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/statistics/crime/UN_BriefFem_251121.pdf

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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There is a misconception that the abuse ends after you leave a domestic violence relationship. Unfortunately, this is not the case, especially when you share children with them. Your life will be affected in ways you may not have realized until you face a specific situation.

One of the issues that comes up for separated families is not knowing how to manage the holiday season as a separated family. This can be difficult for any family who is recently divorced or separated but can be extremely difficult when you have separated or divorced an abusive partner. It is typical in domestic violence relationships that the abusive partner will find a way to ruin important events, especially if the attention is drawn away from them and if the event or holiday is really important to you.

Originally in recording this episode, it was an interview with a momma who has been out of her abusive relationships for years, and I thought we would be able to play it straight through as I typically do. We were thrown a wrench in the situation and her abusive ex filed a motion a few days after we recorded which would make airing the episode in full potentially dangerous for my guest and her family. And, my guest, we’ll call her Rachel, still wanted to share her experience and important information from our conversation. So, we were creative and changed what we needed to change so that you can find ideas and inspiration in creating a special holiday time with your children while also keeping her safe.

I hope you enjoy this episode.

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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How often have you wondered if your narcissistic partner can change?

In this episode, you will gain some insight and perspective to relieve this confusion, doubt, and other difficult feelings when your abusive ex-partner seems to have an amazing and healthy new relationship.

You find out through Facebook stalking or when your ex-partner shows up to grab the kids for their parenting time and they are in another relationship. And the relationship, from the outside, looks amazing and perfect.

You might think, “there must be something wrong with me if they can have the relationship they promised me with this other person.”

You think back to all of the things that you tried to fix the relationship and to support your ex-partner. And it causes a lot of confusion and doubt about who you are and your level of blame for the abuse and the end of the relationship.

Is it possible that their picture-perfect relationship is not as it seems? Can they actually change?

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrolhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC

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After experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, women typically feel completely beat down, broken and scared. The idea of empowerment may not even seem possible. And, my guest, Jaime Hobbs has worked with countless victims of domestic violence and other violence and has seen women become more confident and empowered in a single day.

Jaime shares her experience with us as a self-defense and self-empowerment instructor including things like situational awareness and listening to our gut in order to stay safe. Jaime also shares some tips in speaking with law enforcement after an abusive incident based in her experiences as an on-scene victim advocate for local law enforcement.

Jaime was born and raised in Kansas City, Missouri and has made Colorado home since 2002. In addition to over a decade in Emergency Communications (911), trained in active shooter response, crisis negotiations, sexual assault response, and more, Jaime is also an on-scene Victim Advocate for two other local police departments and has a background in rape crisis and domestic violence assistance. Jaime co-owns Paragon Defense and has been teaching women's safety and self defense in both the private and public sector since 2012.

Find More of Jamie Here:
Website - https://www.paragonselfdefense.com/
FaceBook - https://www.facebook.com/paragondefensecolorado
Instagram - @paragondefense

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Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex
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As you heal from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse it is common to start reevaluating the relationships in your life. You may start to notice that there are others in your world that are abusive to you in different ways which may cause a lot of hurt and anger.

In this episode you will get some ideas on how to assess your current relationships and how they either positively or negatively affect your life. With this new information, you will then be able to decide what role these people will get to play in your life and the lives of your children.

We discuss the difference between going no-contact and having a detached contact in your relationships and will offer different strategies for making this decision and how to hold firm to your decision. Some of the strategies for maintaining a detached relationship are:

Asking yourself what support you will need to maintain emotional distance while being in the presence of the person
Identifying and challenging your cognitive distortions
Learning to regulate your nervous system and trauma responses
Managing your expectations
Using radical acceptance

Show Links

Book: Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2MPSD4CEYN4W0&keywords=healing+from+hidden+abuse&qid=1665419749&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIyLjQyIiwicXNhIjoiMS45NyIsInFzcCI6IjEuODgifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=healing+from+%2Caps%2C177&sr=8-1

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...

Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse

It can be extremely difficult to set boundaries after you have experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse. Your partner crossed every boundary you have ever tried to set and conditioned you to give up your boundaries with them altogether.

And, boundaries are an important part of the healing process from relationship abuse and can help prevent you from being taken advantage of in the future.

In this episode, you will learn the importance of setting firm and compassionate boundaries for your future life and relationships and how setting boundaries positively affects your self-worth.

This episode will provide tangible tips for setting boundaries that you can use immediately to help you feel more confident during this process. These tips are:

Slowing things down
Becoming Aware
Making a list of priorities
Staying on topic
Planning ahead
Maintaining realistic expectations
Practice, practice, practice
Setting and following through with consequences

Show Links:

Boundaries of Steel: A Workbook for Managing and Recovering from Toxic Relationships
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Steel-Workbook-Recovering-Relationships/dp/1734571438/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3GYF97PYGE8MD&keywords=boundaries+of+steel+by+cathy+wilson&qid=1665419079&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=Boundaries+of+s%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-1

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...

Bringing home a new baby is hard and can cause a strain on your relationship with your partner. But is the strain and conflict normal in your relationship or is it abusive?

If there is domestic violence or narcissistic abuse in your relationship, you will not only experience the “normal hard” of bringing a baby into your family, you will likely experience a significant increase in abuse and lack of help in taking care of your new child.

Christie and I discuss what the “normal hard” looks like, some steps you can take to improve your relationship with your partner, what abuse may look like in this situation, and what you need to look for to make decisions about remaining in your relationship.

Christie Sears Thompson, LMFT
As not only a therapist but also a wife and mother, I have seen first-hand the importance of a strong family foundation. My main goal in forming The Partnerhood coaching program and working with couples in my private practice is to help couples achieve genuine connection, communicate more effectively, and create the relationships they want to have so this foundation can carry them through the storms that life will inevitably throw at them.

Websites:
www.thepartnerhood.com
www.tradewindstherapy.com

The Partnerhood Workbook

https://www.amazon.com/Partnerhood-Workbook-resources-knowledge-successful/dp/B08QBPSBDF/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1AY59OIIKH9TG&keywords=The+partnerhood+workbook&qid=1662222198&sprefix=the+partnerhood+workbook%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-1

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...

Shame is the bread and butter of a narcissistic and abusive partner. It prevents you from leaving the relationship by decreasing your self-worth and maintaining the secrecy of the abuse.

Our lizard brains are constantly looking out for signs of danger vs safety and will have us behave in ways to maintain as much safety in any given situation, even if it doesn’t feel congruent with your value system. As a way to manage the state of cognitive dissonance, your brain may also focus on the positive times with your partner rather than the abuse. So, the behaviors we do make sense in the situation and may not feel positive to you now that you are out or as you are evaluating your role in the relationship.

In this episode, you will learn ways to start to decrease the shame you hold that is stalling your healing process.

Stop comparing your current self that understands how abusive relationships work with the before you
Start challenging your shameful thoughts
Reframe the behaviors that feel shameful as survival strategies
Sharing your shame stories with safe people

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:
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Our FREE Download:
Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html

One of the least talked about forms of abuse is spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is when one person attempts to exert power and control over another person using religion, faith , or beliefs and can be an element of domestic violence, child abuse or elder abuse.

Danielle and I discuss the systemic nature of spiritual abuse and how it continues within different organizations and allows abusive people a place to hide. Danielle shares her experiences of spiritual abuse and some steps you can take to become aware if you are experiencing spiritual abuse and how to get out of an abusive situation.

Danielle Patterson is the clinical director of The Patterson Center for Resiliency located in Colorado Springs, Colorado. She holds a Masters of Social Work and is passionate about helping youth and adults overcome trauma. Danielle was previously a youth pastor although has since left the church and helps individuals recognize and overcome spiritual abuse.

You can find Danielle at
www.thepattersoncenter.org

More information about spiritual abuse: https://theallendercenter.org/category/podcast/spiritual-abuse/

BOOK - Let the Children Come: Preparing Faith Communities to End Child Abuse and Neglect by Jeanette Harder: https://www.amazon.com/Let-Children-Come-Preparing-Communities/dp/0836195183/ref=sr_1_4?crid=3SEMCI41CL8GG&keywords=let+the+children+come+book&qid=1661203239&sprefix=let+the+children+come+boo%2Caps%2C307&sr=8-4

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Our FREE Download:
Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html

Something needs to change in your relationship because you can’t go on living like this. So, you decide to try couples therapy. Unfortunately, this may be the worst thing that you could do if you are experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse.

In this episode, you will learn why couples therapy is contraindicated if you are in an abusive relationship.

The lack of training around domestic violence and narcissistic abuse in the mental health community
How couples therapy will be used as an arena for further abuse
How accountability will be shifted from your abusive partner to you
The ways a couples therapist will be distracted from the power and control dynamics of the relationship

And if you do decide to try couples therapy with your partner, you will get some tips to do this more safely.

Show Links:

Big Little Lies
https://www.hbo.com/big-little-lies

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/
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Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html

Would you call yourself a people pleaser? This fourth trauma response, fawning, is extremely common for victims and survivors of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse as a way to stay safer in these relationships.

This trauma response is when you abandon your own needs and sense of self to avoid conflict, criticism, and abuse; over time, you lose your sense of self altogether.

Where does is response come from?

Relational abuse that happens over time rather than single event trauma
Experiences in our family of origin
Our personality traits
Messages from our culture

You can reverse this type of trauma response by:

Becoming mindful of your patterns of behaviors
Validating your experiences and emotions
Finding your sense of self and your identity
Building a safe inner circle of support

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, Peter walker

https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Pete-Walker-audiobook/dp/B07MK5F3KQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1CKU77RWXTAIL&keywords=complex+ptsd+from+surviving+to+thriving&qid=1661195925&sprefix=complex%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-1

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Our FREE Download
Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

Why does it hurt so much when you are healing from domestic violence and narcissistic abuse?

Because you are grieving a relationship and a person that was not real. It was all a scam! And that is extremely hurtful and there is a lot of shame that goes along with it.

In this episode, we are talking with Cathy Wilson, LPC about how abusive relationships and common scams and healing from them is so similar. We discuss how the effects and consequences of them is similar, how people in our lives react to the situations are similar, and the similarities of the healing process.

Cathy shares the first steps she uses to support people recovering from being scammed, which can also be used as the first steps to healing from relationship abuse.

Find More About Cathy:Life Paths CounselingScam Survivor Healing WebsiteYou can also find her new series of videos for scam survivors onYouTube HERE Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE Download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

Are you always on edge? Constantly looking over your shoulder?

Abusive relationships condition our brains to always be on the lookout for danger, keeping our cortisol levels high and exhausting our nervous systems.

In this episode, we will look at the basics of our nervous system and how it has been affected by domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. Using polyvagal theory, you will learn ways to move out of the fight, flight, and freeze states and into a more safe, secure, and connected state of being.

Check out these links for a deeper understanding of your nervous system and the polyvagal theory.

https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/safeandsound.htmlhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3108032https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec3AUMDjtKQ Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond LinkTreeRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on Facebook

Our FREE Download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

Do you still have to have communication with your narcissistic ex?

It’s likely that if you have children with your abusive ex, you will have to have some form of communication with them until your youngest child is 18 years old or even longer. And if you are dealing with litigation as a form of post-separation abuse, it is really important that you figure out how best to communicate with your ex so that custody and decision making decisions are not negatively affected.

Tips to communicate with your narcissistic ex:

Slow…Things…Down
Stay On Topic
Use BIFF
Use the Speckled Rock Technique rather than gray rock
Write as if your Judge is CC'd
Maintain Realistic Expectations
Ditch the Empathy

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:Rising Beyond LinkTreeRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on Facebook

Our FREE Download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex Other Helpful Resources:https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/biff-responseshttps://www.onemomsbattle.com/

In this episode, Alana shares her story of living in narcissistic abuse including the post-separation abuse she is still experiencing today through legal and financial abuse. We discuss things she would have done differently if she knew what she knows now, including leaving earlier, sharing her experiences with others, not going to couples counseling with her abuser, finding a therapist with specific experience with narcissism, and the playbook of a narcissist in family court.

And, even if you have felt crazy in your relationship and believe the abuse is your fault, you can learn from her mistakes and experience and know that it wasn’t your fault.

You can find Alana and her resources at:

Alana's book, Was It My Fault? www.amzn.com/B09MSKK8D3
Alana's website: https://www.surthrivetribe.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/surthrivetribe and https://www.facebook.com/alanasharpsauthor Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/surthrivetribe and https://www.instagram.com/alanasharps
Alana's FREE Resources "How to Stop Narcissistic Bullying from a Co-Parent":https://freecoparentingreport.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/5+Secrets+Stop+Narcissist+Bullying.pdf

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

Was it My Fault?: An Abuse Survivor's Story and Guide for Navigating Narcissistic Red Flags

Do you feel this extreme pressure to forgive your ex?

Do you have people tell you that once you forgive them you will finally be able to heal?

How do you forgive someone who continues to abuse you every day and blames you for it?

What if I told you that it is not clinically required to forgive your abusive ex to fully heal? But that it is required to forgive yourself to fully heal.

In this episode, we break down the three different types of forgiveness: exoneration, forbearance, and release. We look at which type of forgiveness is best suited for different situations and how you can offer forgiveness to yourself. Self-forgiveness is necessary to reduce the shame that is negatively impacting your life.

https://dreditheger.com/

http://healmyshame.com/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence in all the ugly tentacles of emotional, sexual, financial, and physical levels of abuse.

Strong language could be used
Have you shared your story of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse with someone (or many people) and they look at you with disbelief?

Or maybe they say something harmful or ask a harmful question because they believe the myths and misconceptions that are rampant about victims of relationship abuse.

Caroline shares her story of surviving an extremely abusive relationship with things that seem unbelievable and what happens when you are finally believed. She shares what it takes to heal and to be intentionally fearless as you start to rediscover who you are and deal with the trauma you have experienced.

Contact Caroline at:
MoveMomentsToHealing.com and receive your FREE PDF for how to jumpstart your own healing!

You can connect with Caroline at: CarolineMarkelHammond.com

You can reach services for people navigating the sadness, worry, lies, screaming, fear and pain of toxic relationships at: SafeInHarmsWay.org

If your workplace needs assistance in helping employees navigate abuse at home, Epizon Strategy Solutions can help. Contact Caroline for a FREE consultation at: EpizonStrategy.com

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

If you fear for your child’s safety when they are at parenting time visits with your narcissistic ex, you are not alone.

You may also feel the frustration of your child coming home with expensive gifts or going on expensive trips, hearing how much fun their other parent is when you are having to manage all the day to day tough parts of parenting.

Even though this is a tough situation, what if I told you that your children are safer if their other parent is a “Disneyland dad?”

If you have to send your child to visit with their other parent who has been abusive, having them take on the “Disneyland dad” role will actually keep them safer based on the needs and desires of a narcissist. Listen to the discussion to learn why this is safer and ways that you can stomach this horrible dynamic in order to keep your children as safe as you can given the situation.

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

How do you find yourself in the aftermath of abuse?

The systematic process of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse strips away your identity and sense of self. The decisions you make while in your abusive relationship and often when you are dealing with post-separation abuse are based on your safety and the safety of your children. You are conditioned to silence your needs and wants.

How can you get your sense of self back?

Listen to this episode to learn the first steps on how to regain your identity and sense of self.

LINKSRuss Harris The Happiness Trap **https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:*The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on Linkedin*Rising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT

In this episode, we are tackling mom guilt. Mom guilt can be exacerbated when you have been criticized over and over again about your parenting by your partner, when you look at the effects of your children witnessing abuse in the home, or even more so if you are in the throes of family court with your narcissistic ex.

Brooke shares how we were set up since birth to focus on the “shoulds” and what it means to be a “good girl through conditioning". How we have a moving target of what it means to be a perfect mom that has real consequences in our lives from substance abuse concerns, isolation, and a loss of our sense of self. Remember that where you are at is an okay place to be.

Some of the ways Brooke shares to help rediscover who you are and decrease your mom guilt:

Noticing what feels good in your body or what allows you to feel like yourself even for just a moment
Remembering what you loved as a younger version of yourself
Follow what feels good
Give yourself permission to follow what feels good
Follow and acknowledge even small moments when you feel safe
Replacing one thing you dislike doing with one thing you enjoy, even for 10 min.
Permission to normalize normal.
Instead of following the moving target of being a perfect mom, remember that you are exactly who you need to be for your children.

Find more from Brooke by going to:
www.liveunperfected.comhttps://brookejean.thinkific.com/courses/3-tips-to-tackle-mom-guilt Find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

There are reasons why anger makes survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse uncomfortable unless it is anger directed inwards towards themselves. Anger has not been a safe emotion in your relationship and so you have been conditioned to keep it in and forget about it.

While it may be uncomfortable for survivors, from a clinical perspective it is a barometer of change and a measurement of an increase in a survivor's self-worth. Listen to this episode if you need a reframe of the anger that you are experiencing and would like some ways to use this anger in a productive way.

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

Have you ever thought, “I would never allow someone to treat me that way,” and yet you stay? Or maybe “I’m well educated and confident. How did I get sucked into such a toxic relationship?”

Chelli shares her clinical knowledge as well as the knowledge she has gained from experiences in pathological love relationships to explain the answer to these questions above. Chelli shares the importance of listening to our internal red flags in order to protect ourselves from abusive relationships. She shares different things that are important for us to know about ourselves including symptoms of trauma, attachment styles, cognitive dissonance and personality traits to give us the insight to make decisions about the safety of our relationships.

You can find Chelli at:
https://www.chellipumphrey.comhttps://www.facebook.com/chellipumphreytherapyhttps://www.instagram.com/chellipumphreyhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/chellipumphrey/

Chelli's book:https://www.amazon.com/Insight-20-Yourself-Narcissistic-Relationships/dp/B0B27PTQ5S/

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond WebsiteRising Beyond on InstagramRising Beyond on FacebookSybil Cummin on LinkedinRising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex

Have you ever spent hours trying to research and understand why your partner did what they did to you only to feel more confused afterwards? Being in a relationship with an abusive and narcissistic partner can leave you feeling crazy and full of self doubt.

It is not necessary for you to have a full understanding of why your partner has hurt you the way that they have in order to fully heal. It is important to understand what you have experienced, how you became a target, the systematic way in which you became stuck in the relationship, and who your true support system is in order to heal.

Where to find more from Rising Beyond:The Rising Beyond Website

Rising Beyond on Instagram

Rising Beyond on Facebook

Sybil Cummin on Linkedin

Rising Beyond on Pinterest

Our FREE download:

Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex