On Attachment: Recent Episodes
Stephanie Rigg
Are you ready to move beyond relationship anxiety and develop the tools & insight to create a secure, healthy relationship? In this show, join Relationship Coach & Attachment Expert Stephanie Rigg as she delves deep into all things attachment, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.
Learning to repair after conflict or ruptures is one of the most valuable relationship skills you'll ever have. But for many of us, meaningful repair isn't something we ever really learned or had modelled. In this episode, we talk about three key components of repair, and how they can help us to transform conflict into deeper understanding, connection, and intimacy.
Links
- Free training on healing anxious attachment
- Attachment styles quiz
- Follow me on Instagram
In today's episode, we're talking about why you struggle to "get over" your ex. This is something so many people struggle with when it comes to break-ups — feeling like the person who left us still occupies so much of our mental and emotional energy, and not knowing how to untether ourselves from them (or perhaps not fully wanting to).
I'll share some thoughts on managing expectations around a break-up, the difference between thoughts and actions, and how you can move through a challenging period with self-respect and dignity.
Links
- Register for my free break-up training here
- Follow me on Instagram
- Visit my website
Join the Secure Self Challenge here
Today's episode is part 3 of my Attachment & Conflict series, and we're talking all about how to transform the way you do conflict. I'll be sharing general tips and mindset shifts for how to approach conflict, as well as specific guidance for both anxious and avoidant partners on what to do (and not to do) to avoid getting pulled into those all-too-familiar negative cycles.
Register for the Secure Self Challenge here
In today's episode, we're talking once again about how attachment patterns shape our experience of conflict in relationships, with a particular focus on avoidant attachment. We talk about why avoidant folks instinctively pull back from conflict, as well as often-used conflict strategies including appeasement, defensiveness, dismissal, and disengagement.
Access the replay for the Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviour workshop
In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the question of: "How do I talk to my partner about their avoidant attachment without them feeling labelled?" I share some thoughts on how best to approach this, and what isn't likely to land well.
Last chance to register for the free Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviour workshop
Today's episode is the fourth and final instalment of my deep dive series into fearful avoidant attachment, and this episode is one for the partners (with a focus on anxiously attached partners).
I share guidance around how to be mindful of your own tendency to overfunction, and how this can lead you into codependent dynamics. I also offer some thoughts on how best to lovingly support your fearful avoidant partner, while also honouring yourself and ensuring there is accountability around any difficult behaviours in the relationship.
Links
- Visit my website: stephanierigg.com
- Free resources for anxious attachment: stephanierigg.com/free-resources
When you've had a string of heartbreaks, disappointments, and bad dating experiences, remaining hopeful can be a big ask of your system. In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on why forcing yourself to feel hopeful might not be the thing you need, and why it might be best to give yourself the time to grieve, reflect, and grow before forcing yourself back into the dating arena.
Register for my Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviour Workshop
Subscribe to my Substack
For many of us who struggle with letting go (and tend towards relationship-fixing at all costs), walking away can feel like a measure of absolute last resort — like almost nothing would justify the immense and all-consuming pain of having to let go of someone you love. And when you layer in self-doubt and a deep fear of regret, it can feel next to impossible.
Sadly, it’s not a decision anyone but you can make. But there are absolutely ways to make the decision a clearer one — one that you trust in the rightness of, and can confidently stand behind — even if it doesn’t make it any easier.
Register for the free workshop on Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviours: https://stephanierigg.com/protest-workshop-opt-in
Register for my upcoming live workshop here
In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the question of "How long to keep pursuing a connection with someone who's great and ticks all my boxes — except that I'm not physically attracted to them?"
I share some thoughts on why this can happen — particularly if your attraction template has historically gravitated towards inconsistent and unpredictable connections — and how long you should wait and see before calling it.
Register for my upcoming free workshop on Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviours
In this new series on attachment and conflict, we're exploring the deeper layers that make relational conflict so challenging, and how we can shift those patterns. This first instalment is all about the anxious attachment experience of conflict: how we can swing between conflict-avoidance and conflict-pursuit, and how our efforts at safeguarding the connection can backfire.
Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss the rest of the series!
Links
- Free resources for anxious attachment: stephanierigg.com/free-resources
- Subscribe to my Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/
- Subscribe to my Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmxC4jls4uolRKhFWV_RIoA/
If you've been "doing the work" for a while now, it's likely you have a firm grip on why you are the way you are. But many of us find ourselves stuck at the "knowledge and awareness" stage, struggling to put our insights into practice in a way that translates into lasting change.
In this episode, I'm sharing thoughts on how to bridge that gap so that you don't find yourself on a never-ending hamster wheel of information-gathering that keeps you from experiencing relationships differently.
Links
- Free training on healing anxious attachment: http://stephanierigg.com/haa-webinar-opt-in
- Free resources: http://stephanierigg.com/free-resources
- Attachment quiz: http://stephanierigg.com/quiz
- Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/
This week's episode is the much-requested Part 3 of my deep dive on fearful avoidant attachment — and today, we're talking about what it takes to heal. We cover shame, self-compassion, accountability, self-sabotage, nervous system regulation, and more.
And while far from being exhaustive, my hope is that today's episode will offer a roadmap to support you on your path to healing if you struggle with fearful avoidant patterns.
Subscribe to my Substack
Register for my free workshop on Understanding Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviours: http://stephanierigg.com/protest-workshop-opt-in
Subscribe to my Substack, Notes to Self
I've recently launched on Substack, and today's episode is a read-out of a recent article I wrote there titled The One Thing You Should Never Do in Relationships.
If you enjoy this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could head on over to Substack and subscribe to my page there for more long-form articles about attachment, love and relationships: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/
"How do I stop obsessively ruminating about the person who rejected me?" is one of the most frequently asked questions I receive — and in today's episode, we're talking all about why it's so easy to fall into the trap of fixating on someone who didn't choose you.
Whether it's the situationship that never became anything more, the person who ghosted you or left you without warning, or something in between, the experience of obsessing over someone is familiar to many of us. But as we'll talk about, it's often less about them, and more about what we make it mean about ourselves.
Links
Subscribe to my Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/
Free break-up training: http://stephanierigg.com/hl-webinar-opt-in
Free training for anxious attachment: http://stephanierigg.com/haa-webinar-opt-in
In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering a listener's question about feeling like she's fallen behind in life after going through a break-up in her mid-30s, particularly as most of her friends are partnered and having kids. I talk about the very real experience of the "biological clock" factor, and how to acknowledge the disappointments and unexpected turns while also embracing the season you're in.
Links
Subscribe to my Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/
Free resources for anxious attachment: stephanierigg.com/free-resources
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephanie__rigg
Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmxC4jls4uolRKhFWV_RIoA/
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
How do our attachment patterns influence our relationship to — and experience of — sex and intimacy? That's what we're exploring in today's podcast deep dive.
We'll cover how each attachment style relates to sex, common sensitivities and pain points, and what the sexual relationship looks like over the life cycle of the relationship. We'll also touch on common sexual struggles in anxious-avoidant dynamics specifically.
Links
- Free training on anxious attachment
- Free resources for attachment healing
Subscribe to my YouTube channel
Is it possible to become anxiously attached as a result of dating someone with avoidant patterns? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about how our patterns can arise in response to someone else's, while also acknowledging fundamental differences in how people with secure vs. insecure attachment styles tend to respond to dysfunctional behaviour.
Links
- Free training for anxious attachment
- Follow me on Instagram
- Take my attachment styles quiz
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Does your partner get defensive easily, even when you feel like you weren't being attacking or critical? If so, today's episode is for you. Being on the receiving end of someone's chronic defensiveness can be extremely frustrating and disheartening, and it can feel like a real block to connection.
But the way we typically respond — by making someone wrong for their defensiveness — can entrench the very pattern we're hoping to shift.
Links
- Free workshop on anxious-avoidant relationship dynamics
- Understanding Your Avoidant Partner course
- Secure Together couples course
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
How do you navigate a situation where your partner isn't respecting the boundaries that you've set? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode.
Boundaries can be fraught for those of us with insecure attachment patterns, and it's easy to swing between demands and capitulation — neither of which are particularly helpful. We'll talk about how to reorient to what is within your control rather than making repeated pleas of someone else to change their behaviour to accommodate you, which is a recipe for frustration and resentment.
Links
- Free anxious attachment healing workshop
- Free resources for attachment healing
- Take my attachment quiz
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Today's episode is a follow-up from last week's deep dive into fearful avoidant attachment. This week, we're looking at the fearful avoidant in relationships — how these patterns play out, how that changes over the lifecycle of a relationship, and how it can differ based on the other person's attachment style.
Links
- Understanding Your Avoidant Partner Course
- Free resources for attachment healing
- Take my attachment style quiz
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
In today's Ask Steph episode, we're talking about how to balance accepting your partner for who they are, while also encouraging them to grow. This is a delicate dance for many of us, and can reveal our own patterns of wanting to fix and save people. We'll talk about where the healthy middle lies between acceptance and change, and how you can create a relational environment that supports growth.
Links
- Free resources for attachment healing
- Take my attachment styles quiz
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
In today's episode, we're diving deep into the fearful avoidant (or disorganised) attachment style. We're talking about where it originates, and what some of the core belief systems are that drive fearful avoidant patterns.
Make sure you're following or subscribed to the show to catch Part 2 next week, where we explore how the fearful avoidant attachment style shows up in relationships.
Links
- Check out my free attachment healing resources
- Take my attachment quiz
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
What's the difference between reasonable, healthy privacy and unhealthy secret-keeping? That's the question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We're diving into the difference between privacy and secrecy, as well as on how this interfaces with the anxious need for information and the avoidant need for autonomy.
Resources
Free resources for anxious attachment
Take my attachment quiz
Follow me on Instagram
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
In today's episode, we're diving deep into perfectionism — and how it can sneak into our relationship dynamics in unhelpful ways. We'll talk about how perfectionism shows up for anxiously attached people, how that differs from folks with avoidant patterns, and what it looks like to release the grip of perfectionism and find greater compassion and acceptance — for ourselves, our partners, and our relationships.
Links
Free resources for anxious attachment
Follow me on Instagram
How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about why self-compassion can be so hard to access when we're in a challenging season, the mistaken belief that self-compassion removes accountability, and how we can start to cultivate more kindness and self-validation when we need it most.
Resources
Free resources for healing anxious attachment
Subscribe to my YouTube channel
In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and protocols. We talk about focusing on the foundations — like sleep, nourishment, movement, and creating a supportive home environment — while also being mindful of what we don’t do, like overscheduling or saying yes from pressure.
Subscribe to my YouTube channel
Free resources for anxious attachment
Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New Course
Many people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest — but in early dating, a lack of clarity is often the clearest signal in itself. The more meaningful question is why we stay engaged in dynamics that leave us feeling uncertain, rather than stepping back and asking whether this meets our needs.
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Explore my free resources
Follow me on Instagram
In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing.
This initial period can feel overwhelming — full of grief, anxiety, confusion, and emotional swings. And while it’s natural to be in survival mode, there are small but powerful ways you can support yourself through this time rather than getting swept up in the chaos.
I share a practical roadmap for what to focus on (and what to avoid), so you can move through this chapter with more intention, self-respect, and care.
We cover:
- Why the early days after a breakup can feel so destabilising
- The two common nervous system responses: anxiety and shutdown
- How to create a supportive, calming environment for yourself
- The importance of maintaining basic self-care and routines
- Why boundaries (especially no contact) are so important
- The impact of screen time, social media, and rumination
- How to approach this period with intention rather than survival mode
- Beginning the process of reconnecting with yourself
✨ Free break-up training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re talking about how to cope when your ex seems to have moved on soon after your break-up — and is now in a new relationship that appears to be working.
This can be an incredibly painful experience, especially if you’re still grieving the relationship. It often brings up comparison, self-doubt, and questions like “Was I the problem?”
In this episode, I unpack why this situation feels so triggering, what’s actually going on beneath the surface, and how to shift out of rumination and back into your own power.
We cover:
- Why seeing your ex move on can feel like “salt in the wound”
- The different ways anxious and avoidant people process breakups
- Why your ex’s behaviour isn’t a reflection of your worth
- The illusion of their new relationship “working”
- How new relationship energy can mask underlying patterns
- The impact of comparison, rumination, and self-doubt
- Why focusing on your ex keeps you stuck
- How to set boundaries and reclaim your energy
Resources
- For free resources on break-ups and anxious attachment, click here.
- Check out my break-up course Higher Love here
In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?
When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.
In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.
We cover:
- Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of rumination
- The role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachment
- The middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by them
- Why relationship dynamics are almost always co-created
- Examples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship around
- How inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patterns
- The importance of zooming out and looking at the big picture
- When anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignment
Resources
- Free training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Feel Secure in Life and Love
In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex?
While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward.
In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patterns, attachment, or hope.
We discuss:
- Why the desire to stay friends after a breakup is so common
- When friendship with an ex can work—and when it’s likely to be harmfulSigns you might still be emotionally attached or holding onto hope
- The role of boundaries, space, and healing after a breakup
- How to assess whether a friendship is aligned with your long-term wellbeing
👉🏼 Register for my free breakup training here
In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners.
While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from.
We explore the nuance that often gets lost in attachment conversations, including why not all avoidant individuals are the same, and how reducing people to labels can limit your capacity to form meaningful, healthy connections.
I also share a more grounded and empowering approach to dating — one that centres discernment, self-trust, and clarity around what you truly want and need in a relationship.
Explore my website + free resources here.
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.
I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.
At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.
This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.
In this episode, I’m joined by therapist, bestselling author, and boundaries expert Nedra Glover Tawwab for a powerful conversation on what it really means to have healthy dependency in our relationships.
So many of us find ourselves swinging between two extremes — overgiving, people-pleasing, and losing ourselves in others… or shutting down, becoming hyper-independent, and struggling to let anyone in.
But what does the middle ground actually look like?
Together, we explore the spectrum between codependency and hyper-independence, and how both patterns — while protective — can ultimately leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.
This conversation goes beyond romantic relationships. We talk about friendships, family, community, and the importance of having a diverse support system rather than expecting one person to meet all of our needs.
We also unpack:
- Why “healthy dependency” isn’t a weakness, but a fundamental human need
- How codependency and hyper-independence develop as adaptations
- The role of boundaries in creating sustainable, respectful relationships
- Why over-focusing on the why behind someone’s behaviour can keep us stuck
- How to stop over-functioning in relationships and recalibrate your energy
- The importance of having multiple sources of connection and support
- Why doing the “uncomfortable thing” is often the path to secure relationships
Nedra shares practical, grounded insights on how to move away from extremes and towards more balanced, flexible, and connected ways of relating.
If you’ve ever struggled with asking for help, felt resentful in relationships, or found yourself stuck in the same relational patterns, this episode will give you a clear and compassionate framework for doing things differently.
Connect with Nedra Glover Tawwab:
- Website
- Purchase her new book, The Balancing Act
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about the fine line between personal growth and the endless pursuit of self-improvement.
While healing, reflection, and growth are powerful tools, they can sometimes become another way we reinforce the belief that something about us is fundamentally wrong or needs fixing. When that happens, self-development can quietly turn into a hamster wheel driven by shame, perfectionism, or a sense of inadequacy.
In this episode, I explore how to recognise when the pursuit of growth is useful and worthwhile —and when it might actually be keeping you stuck.
I also share some reflections on why the deeper goal of healing work isn’t to endlessly optimise ourselves, but to become more grounded, peaceful, and at home within who we already are.
Links
stephanierigg.com
instagram.com/stephanie__rigg
Modern dating can be tough. Between apps, ghosting, and the uncertainty that often comes with meeting strangers outside our social circles, the whole process can be seriously activating — and all the more so for those with anxious attachment patterns.
In this episode, I share three key mindset shifts to help you approach dating from a place of self-worth rather than scarcity, pessimism, or the need to be chosen.
When you date from a grounded place, the focus shifts from seeking approval to assessing alignment—and that change alone can transform your experience of dating.
In this episode, I cover:
- Why modern dating can be particularly challenging for people with anxious attachment
- The importance of getting clear on your non-negotiables and deal breakers before you start dating
- Why tolerating situationships and ambiguous connections keeps you stuck
- The difference between scanning for red flags and looking for green flags
- How fear-based dating advice can increase anxiety and erode self-trust
- Why cultivating your own vitality and wellbeing changes the energy you bring to dating
- How shifting from “please choose me” to “are we aligned?” creates healthier connections
- Why it’s sometimes wise to take a break from dating apps if the process feels draining
Links
- Free resources on my website here
- Read my blog here
- Follow me on Instagram here
In today’s Ask Steph episode, I’m answering the listener question: If you were only going to focus on one thing to start healing anxious attachment, what would it be?
While there are many layers to this work, the single place I’d start is building self-worth outside of a relationship.
For many anxiously attached people, relationships become the primary place where we seek security, validation, and a sense of worth. But when our wellbeing is tied so tightly to another person, it can leave us feeling anxious, reactive, and out of control.
In this episode, I talk about why shifting your focus back onto yourself — your growth, your agency, and your sense of self — can be one of the most powerful first steps in healing anxious attachment.
Join the waitlist for the Healing Anxious Attachment Birthday Sale here: https://stephanierigg.com/haa-anniversary-sale-waitlist
If you've been putting in the work to heal your anxious attachment but still feel like you're treading water, this episode is for you. In today's episode, I'm sharing what I believe are the three core pillars of healing anxious attachment — and why the sequencing of that work matters just as much as the work itself.
Whether you're just starting out or have been on this journey for a while, having a clear roadmap can be genuinely grounding. Lack of effort is rarely the problem for anxiously attached people — it's about making sure that energy is directed where it will have the greatest impact.
In this episode, I cover:
- Why the mindset you bring to this work is the real foundation — and how approaching healing from a place of shame will undermine everything else
- Understanding your nervous system and building the capacity to self-regulate (hint: it's about much more than crisis management)
- Identifying and shifting the negative core beliefs and core wounds that shape your relationships — and why real self-worth is built through doing, not just affirmations
- Communication skills, boundary-setting, and voicing your needs — and why starting here without the previous two pillars often falls flat
- The common pitfall that keeps so many people stuck, and what to focus on instead
🎉 Join the waitlist for the Healing Anxious Attachment 4-Year Anniversary Sale
On March 16, I’ll be celebrating four years since I first launched Healing Anxious Attachment. To mark the occasion, I’m bringing the course back to its original launch price of US$222 for 24 hours only.
If you’re curious, add yourself to the waitlist below — the anniversary offer will only be available for 24 hours and only for those on the list.
Join the waitlist at stephanierigg.com/haa-anniversary-sale-waitlist
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question I hear often: If I work on my anxious attachment, but my partner doesn’t work on their avoidant patterns, can the relationship still work?
I unpack why focusing on your side of the street is never a waste of time — even when your partner isn’t meeting you there yet. We talk about how healing anxious attachment isn’t about fixing the relationship or managing your partner’s behaviour, but about building self-regulation, self-trust, and clarity.
I also explore the two most common outcomes of doing this work: either your internal shifts create healthier dynamics and positive ripple effects in the relationship, or you reach a grounded place of clarity about what you need and whether this relationship can meet you there. Either way, you don’t lose — you gain resources, confidence, and choice.
This episode is for anyone who feels stuck waiting for their partner to change and is wondering whether it’s worth continuing to do the work alone.
In this episode, we explore one of the most painful dynamics after a breakup: watching your ex seem “fine” while you feel completely unravelled — and the stories that comparison creates. We unpack why anxious and avoidant attachment patterns tend to process breakups so differently, and why those differences don’t mean what you think they mean.
We look at how anxious attachment often shows up as hyperactivation — intense grief, rumination, urgency, and the need to understand what happened — and how avoidant attachment tends to deactivate under stress, sometimes resulting in relief, distraction, or moving on quickly. We also talk about the timing mismatch that can occur, where one person feels everything immediately and the other processes more slowly (or more superficially).
The core takeaway: different coping strategies are not a measure of love, worth, or who cared more. And comparing your internal experience to their outward presentation will only keep you stuck.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why comparison after a breakup fuels suffering for anxious attachers
- How hyperactivation and deactivation shape the breakup experience
- Why relief doesn’t mean they didn’t care
- The common “timing mismatch” in anxious–avoidant breakups
- How to shift your focus back to yourself instead of analysing them
If you’re going through a breakup, you can register for my free breakup training here.
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener who says they generally feel secure in their relationship — except when their partner travels and is physically away. During those periods, they experience intense separation anxiety, spiralling thoughts, and a sudden sense of insecurity that feels confusing and disproportionate.
I talk about why distance and absence can be uniquely activating for anxiously attached nervous systems, even when a relationship is otherwise healthy and secure.
We explore how separation can trigger old attachment wounds around abandonment, uncertainty, and loss of felt safety, and ways that you can support yourself both individually and relationally to better handle these challenges.
Attachment theory has become a widely used framework for understanding relationship patterns — but it’s often misunderstood, overextended, or treated as a complete explanation for human behaviour.
In this episode, I revisit the foundations of attachment theory to clarify what attachment is actually designed to explain, what attachment styles describe, and where the limits of the framework are. This is a back-to-basics conversation intended to bring nuance and accuracy to how we use attachment language — especially in romantic relationships.
In this episode, I cover:
- What attachment styles are really describing: relational stress and our habitual responses to it
- Why attachment styles are not fixed, mutually exclusive categories — and how spectrums work in practice
- How attachment patterns are contextually responsive and can shift across different relationships
- What attachment theory explains — and what it was never meant to explain
- How our attachment blueprint shapes our internal working model, even beyond close relationships
- Why attachment is best used as a tool, not a totalising explanation for yourself or others
If you’ve ever felt confused, boxed in by attachment labels, or frustrated by how attachment theory is used online, this episode offers a clearer and more grounded way of thinking about it.
Take my free attachment quiz
In this Ask Steph episode, we explore one of the most common (and understandable) questions in anxious–avoidant dynamics: what actually helps an avoidant partner feel safe enough to open up emotionally?
If you tend toward anxious attachment, it can feel deeply unsettling to sense that parts of your partner’s inner world are closed off to you. That can create a strong pull to try harder, ask more questions, or push for emotional access — often with the hope that if they open up, it will mean you’re finally “enough.”
In this episode, we unpack why that instinct can backfire, and what genuinely supports emotional safety instead.
Situationships can feel exciting and full of potential, but over time they often become a source of anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt. In this episode, I explore why situationships are so hard to walk away from — particularly for people with anxious attachment — and why clarity can feel more threatening than staying in something uncertain.
We look at how hope, ambiguity, and emotional breadcrumbs keep people invested in connections that aren’t actually meeting their needs, and why “waiting to see what happens” is often a form of self-abandonment rather than patience. I also talk about the nervous-system dynamics at play, and how these situations can keep you stuck in a cycle of overthinking, longing, and self-doubt.
This episode isn’t about forcing commitment or issuing ultimatums. It’s about building the self-trust and self-respect required to stop participating in dynamics that keep you in limbo, and learning how to choose relationships that offer consistency, clarity, and emotional safety.
Links
Register for my free training on How to Heal Anxious Attachment & Finally Feel Secure in Life & Love
Visit my website
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about why old feelings can resurface when you re-enter the dating world, and what to do when that catches you off guard.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why missing your ex after a breakup can show up later, not earlier
- How dating again brings up fresh comparisons — and why that’s so normal
- The difference between missing your ex and missing familiarity, comfort, or routine
- Why comparing a new connection to a long-term relationship is often distorted
- How not to spiral or make meaning out of these feelings
- What to do instead of panicking or second-guessing your breakup
If you’re otherwise excited about someone new and this has thrown you, this episode is a reminder to slow down, stay grounded, and trust that this experience doesn’t have to mean anything is wrong.
Links
- Going through a break-up? Register for my free breakup training here.
- If you’d like to submit a question for a future Ask Steph episode, I collect them via my weekly Instagram Q&A — come find me there and drop yours in.
In this episode, we explore the belief that if someone truly loved you, they would have changed — and why this story so often keeps people stuck in self-blame, rescuing, and self-abandonment. We look at the saviour complex, how it develops, and why real change has far more to do with timing and capacity than with how lovable or devoted you are.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why “if they loved me, they would’ve changed” is such a convincing story
- How the saviour complex shows up in relationships
- The line between compassion and self-abandonment
- Why people change when they’re ready — not when we love harder
If this resonates, you can register for my free training on healing anxious attachment here.
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question that will feel very familiar to anyone with anxious attachment: How can I be certain that my new partner will be better for me than my last one?
On the surface, this question makes sense. After being hurt, blindsided, or disappointed in past relationships, of course we want reassurance that it won’t happen again. But underneath it, there’s often a deeper issue at play — a lack of self-trust, and an anxious belief that it’s our job to prevent pain by being hyper-vigilant, prepared, and on guard.
In this episode, I unpack why this question, while understandable, can actually keep you stuck in anxiety rather than moving you towards healthier relationships. We explore the difference between discernment and hypervigilance, and why trying to “de-risk” relationships often backfires.
Rather than aiming for certainty or guarantees, this conversation invites a shift towards trusting yourself — your capacity to notice, respond, self-advocate, and take care of yourself as relationships unfold.
A secure relationship isn’t one where nothing ever goes wrong — it’s one where the foundation is strong enough to hold the hard stuff. For many people (especially those with anxious attachment), insecurity doesn’t come from being “too sensitive,” but from being in dynamics that lack safety, consistency, or clarity.
In this episode, I break down five key qualities that tend to be present in secure relationships, and how they actually feel on a nervous system level.
I cover:
- What emotional safety really looks like (and what it doesn’t)
- Why trust is about reliability and consistency, not just honesty
- How secure couples approach conflict and repair after rupture
- What it means for a relationship to be a secure base rather than a constant project
- Why shared vision and felt commitment are essential for long-term security
Whether you’re assessing your current relationship, healing after an insecure one, or wanting to understand what you’re moving towards, this episode offers a grounded framework for what relational security is built on — and what helps it endure.
Explore my couples course, Secure Together
Free resources for building secure attachment
In this Ask Steph episode, I respond to a listener question about wanting more words of affirmation from a partner — but not wanting to feel like you're constantly asking for it.
This is a really common tension, especially for people with anxious attachment. On one hand, words of affirmation genuinely matter. On the other, asking for them can feel exposing, needy, or like you’re trying to force something that should come naturally.
In this episode, I unpack why this dynamic is rarely about someone “withholding” affection, and how the way we ask (or don’t ask) can either make it feel safer or riskier for our partner to express verbally.
Rather than offering scripts or communication hacks, this conversation focuses on the deeper relational pieces that often get missed — including how we receive affirmation, how defensiveness shuts down vulnerability, and what it means to take responsibility for your needs without self-abandoning.
Break-ups are painful — but often, the way we try to cope with that pain can quietly keep us stuck in it for much longer than necessary.
In this episode of On Attachment, I walk through five of the most common ways people unknowingly self-sabotage after a break-up, particularly those with anxious attachment patterns. These behaviours aren’t a sign that you’re doing healing “wrong.” They’re understandable coping strategies that make sense in the context of loss, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm — but they don’t always serve us in the long run.
Rather than shaming or pushing yourself to “move on faster,” this episode invites you to bring awareness to where your energy is going after a break-up, and how to gently redirect it in ways that actually support healing.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why obsessively replaying the relationship can keep you emotionally tethered
- The belief that you need closure from your ex in order to move on
- How romanticising the relationship in hindsight distorts reality
- Why comparing your healing to your ex’s is a losing game
- The cost of continuing to be each other’s emotional support person
At the heart of all of this is a simple but challenging truth: healing after a break-up requires turning towards your own pain, rather than trying to solve, analyse, or bypass it.
This episode is for you if you’re going through a break-up and feel stuck in rumination, comparison, or hope that’s keeping you anchored to the past — and you want a more grounded, self-compassionate way forward.
Resources
Click here to register for my free breakup training
In this Ask Steph episode, I share my perspective on the phrase “if they wanted to, they would” — and why it’s sometimes helpful, but often oversimplified.
I talk about the difference between basic effort and genuine capacity, and why assuming someone’s behaviour always reflects a lack of care or love can miss what’s really going on. We explore how attachment patterns, protective strategies, and stress responses shape how people show up in relationships — often in ways that can’t be changed through willpower alone.
This episode is about shifting the focus from judging someone’s intentions to getting clear on your own boundaries, non-negotiables, and whether a relationship works for you as it is — or not.
Few decisions feel as emotionally loaded as deciding whether to keep trying in a relationship or to walk away. There is no universal right answer — and for many people, especially those with anxious attachment, this question can feel endlessly destabilising.
In this episode, I share 10 reflective questions designed to support clearer, more grounded decision-making. These questions aren’t a checklist or a formula to tell you what to do. They’re an invitation to slow down, step out of fear-based urgency, and reconnect with your own values, needs, and capacity.
If you’ve been stuck going back and forth, waiting for certainty, or hoping something will finally make the choice clear for you, this episode offers a compassionate framework to help you find your own way forward.
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question that many people can relate to: drunk texting an ex, waking up full of shame, and not knowing what to do next.
I talk about why this happens, especially in the aftermath of a breakup when loneliness, lowered inhibitions, and longing collide — and why beating yourself up afterwards only makes things worse.
I explore how to respond in a grounded way, including whether you need to follow up with your ex at all, how to keep it simple if you do, and why the real work isn’t undoing the message but making sure you don’t end up in the same position again.
This episode focuses on creating practical guardrails — around drinking, contact, and temptation — so you’re not relying on willpower alone when you’re in a tender place. I also talk about how learning from moments like this, rather than spiralling in shame, is a powerful way to rebuild self-trust, self-respect, and self-worth after a breakup.
If you’re feeling embarrassed or disappointed in yourself right now, you’re not alone — and you’re not beyond repair. I hope this episode helps you meet yourself with compassion while still supporting yourself to make better choices next time.
Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly be challenging, they’re not automatically destined to fail.
In this episode, I explore what it actually takes to make an anxious–avoidant relationship work — not through chemistry, hope, or sheer effort, but through three essential, non-negotiable ingredients.
I share why these dynamics can become either deeply healing or deeply reinforcing of old wounds, and how safety, responsibility, and discernment determine which way it goes.
In this episode, I cover:
- Why anxious–avoidant relationships can feel both magnetic and destabilising
- The difference between understanding attachment styles and doing the relational work
- Why commitment is essential — and how “one foot out the door” undermines safety
- The role of humility in breaking defensive patterns and power struggles
- Why self-awareness isn’t enough without nervous system and relational capacity
- How to discern whether a relationship can actually support mutual growth and security
This episode is not about forcing a relationship to work at all costs. It’s about honestly assessing whether the conditions required for safety, repair, and growth are present — and whether both partners have the willingness and capacity to do the work.
Explore my free resources here
In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change.
Rather than asking whether change is possible in theory, this episode focuses on a more important question: how likely is real change, and what should you actually be paying attention to after betrayal?
In this episode, I explore:
- How someone takes responsibility for cheating, and whether their remorse goes beyond guilt or shame.
- Why understanding why the cheating happened matters more than promises alone.
- How fearful-avoidant patterns and unresolved shame can drive self-sabotage.
- What it takes to rebuild trust, including the capacity to stay present with your pain rather than rushing to move on.
- When repair after infidelity can lead to growth — and when the conditions for real repair may not be there.
If you’re navigating betrayal, I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope this episode helps you clarify what to look for and whether meaningful repair is possible.
Letting go of someone you love can feel like the hardest thing you’ll ever do — especially if you have anxious attachment patterns. When your nervous system equates connection with safety, walking away can feel more intolerable than staying in pain.
In this episode, I explore why letting go is so difficult, and what actually helps when love, attachment, and fear are all tangled together.
I talk about:
- Why anxious attachment makes holding on feel safer than letting go
- How we often confuse feelings with instructions for action
- Why waiting to “feel ready” or to stop loving someone keeps us stuck
- The crucial distinction between love and compatibility
- Why letting go isn’t a feeling — it’s a choice you make again and again
- How grief, discomfort, and longing are part of the process, not signs you’ve made a mistake
This episode is both a pep talk and a reality check — an invitation to trust yourself enough to choose what’s right for you, even when it hurts, and even when you still love them.
If you’re navigating a breakup or struggling to let go, be sure to check out my free breakup training: https://www.stephanierigg.com/break-up-webinar
As the year comes to a close, this episode offers a grounded reflection on what actually creates change — beyond resolutions or waiting to feel ready.
This is an invitation to reflect on agency, integrity, and the quiet choices that shape your life over time.
Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here
In this episode, we explore why rejection feels so big — not just in dating and relationships, but across friendships, family, work, and creative life. We look at the evolutionary and attachment roots of rejection sensitivity, and how it creates a confirmation bias that makes neutral situations feel personal.
I talk about how the fear of rejection leads us to shrink, stay silent, or hold back from opportunities, creating a self-fulfilling cycle of loneliness and limitation.
We also talk about what rejection resilience looks like in practice: separating facts from stories, reality-checking assumptions, taking small risks, and building an internal sense of worth that can withstand a “no.”
This is a gentle, grounded invitation to stop rejecting yourself first — and to live more fully, even when rejection is a possibility.
Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here
Download the Anxious Attachment Pep Talks here
In this episode, we explore the deeper patterns that make emotionally unavailable partners feel so familiar — even when you want something different.
Rather than framing this as a personal flaw or something you’re “doing wrong,” this conversation explores the deeper emotional and relational patterns that make certain dynamics feel familiar, magnetic, or even safe on a nervous-system level.
I walk through five core reasons this dynamic tends to repeat:
- Low self-worth: When love feels like something you need to earn, you may be drawn to people who require effort.
- Inconsistent early relationships: If connection was unpredictable growing up, inconsistency can feel like “home.”
- Hope, potential, and the saviour role: Why focusing on who someone could be keeps you invested long after the relationship stops feeling good.
- Intermittent reinforcement: How sporadic affection creates an addictive cycle that’s hard to break.
- Your own emotional unavailability: The surprising ways pursuing unavailable people can protect you from deeper vulnerability.
This episode offers a compassionate look at why these patterns form — and what it takes to move toward relationships that feel mutual, steady, and emotionally safe.
Register for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here
In this episode, we explore what it really takes to create meaningful change — especially in those seasons where everything feels hard, familiar patterns keep looping, and no amount of “trying” seems to make a difference.
We talk about the inner environment required for real change, and why self-compassion isn’t the opposite of accountability — it’s the foundation of it.
You’ll hear about:
- Why we default to shame when we feel stuck
- The myth that self-criticism leads to better behaviour
- How shame overwhelms an already stressed nervous system
- Why being on your own team is essential for honest self-reflection
👉🏼 Join the January round of my 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here
00:00 Introduction 04:13 Why Self-Judgment is So Common06:32 Understanding and Validating Anxiety08:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Growth11:58 Isn't Self-Compassion Self-Indulgent?
Today's episode is a special one: I'm sharing my own healing story and how I went from anxious and insecure to confident, grounded in my worth, and in a loving partnership. My hope in sharing is that you can see we aren't all that different, and that you feel encouraged to continue on the courageous path of healing.
🖤 If you'd like to explore my Black Friday sale — the biggest I've ever run — click here.
In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend James “Fish” Gill for a listener Q&A all about conflict, communication, and staying connected through hard moments.
We explore some big questions, including:
- How to release resentment when a conflict is “resolved” but the emotional residue is still sitting in your body
- What real repair actually looks like, and why some apologies land while others don’t
- When a relationship swings from explosive conflict to total conflict avoidance — and how to find a healthier middle ground
- How to navigate dating when kids are involved, especially when parenting differences trigger deeper fears, jealousy, or old wounds
Fish and I unpack the relational dynamics underneath these questions and offer compassionate, practical guidance for moving through it with more clarity, honesty, and connection.
If you’re wanting to deepen your communication, repair more effectively, and understand yourself and your partner in moments of tension, this conversation will be a supportive place to land.
👉🏼 My Black Friday Sale is now live — save 65% on my best-selling courses with exclusive Black Friday bundles.
Connect with Fish
- Follow Fish on Instagram
- Visit Fish's website
- Buy Fish's book, How to Fall in Love with Humanity
In this special episode of On Attachment, I sit down with my partner Joel to answer your questions about our journey into parenthood with our now 18 month old son.
We explore the transition to parenting, how our attachment styles have shaped the experience, and what helps us stay aligned as a couple. The conversation also covers our initial feelings about wanting kids, the surprises and challenges along the way, and the practices that keep us connected and supportive of each other.
Join the Black Friday Sale waitlist here
Free Resources
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Anxious Attachment Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for reassurance that we’re doing, saying, and being the “right” thing.
If you lean towards anxious attachment patterns, this makes perfect sense. The foundation of the anxious attachment pattern is an external orientation — learning to attune to others for safety, validation, and a sense of self. When we’ve never had a steady internal anchor, other people become our compass.
But that comes at a cost. We lose touch with our own truth — our values, our preferences, our intuition — and live our lives by borrowed standards. And the more we outsource our worth, the more fragile it becomes.
In this episode, we explore how to shift from being other-referenced to self-referenced:
- Why anxiously attached people are especially sensitive to others’ opinions
- How external orientation keeps us anxious and disconnected from ourselves
- What it actually means to develop an internal compass
- Practical steps to build self-trust and integrity
- How to tolerate disapproval without collapsing into shame
Ultimately, caring less about what others think isn’t about indifference — it’s about self-trust. When you truly respect and stand by yourself, other people’s opinions carry less weight. You stop needing to convince anyone of your worth, because you already know it.
One of the most common questions after a break-up is: when will I be ready to start dating again? Sadly, there’s no hard and fast rule, no magic timeline, and no moment where you’ll suddenly feel 100% confident and never wobble again. Readiness isn’t about the calendar — it’s about how you’re feeling, the work you’ve done, and the mindset you're bringing with you.
In this episode, I’ll share:
- Signs you may not be ready yet (like still being in the thick of grief, rumination, or longing for your ex)
- Signs you might be moving toward readiness (like curiosity about meeting someone new and clarity around your standards and patterns)
- How to approach dating again with intention and self-compassion
- Why dating itself can stir up new layers of grief — and how that doesn’t mean you’ve failed or gone backwards
If you’ve been wondering whether to dip your toes back in the dating pool, this episode will help you manage your expectations, recognise where you’re at, and approach the process in a way that feels grounded and intentional.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
When a relationship ends, it’s natural to crave closure. We want answers, explanations, or one last conversation that will tie everything up neatly and help us move on. But the reality is, closure rarely comes from someone else — it’s something we have to create for ourselves.
In this episode, I share some hard but freeing truths about closure:
- Why the relationships that leave us most desperate for closure are usually the ones least likely to give it
- How the idea of a “closure conversation” can sometimes be a hidden way of keeping the door open
- Why even when we get answers, they rarely soothe us in the way we hope
- The difference between chasing closure from someone else versus cultivating it within yourself
- Practical ways to create your own sense of closure and peace
If you’ve been waiting for that message, that explanation, or that final conversation to make things better, this episode will help you see closure differently — and take back your power to move forward.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
So often, we’re drawn to the work of healing our relational wounds because of challenges in our relationship. A partner’s behaviour, or the dynamic between us, shines a light on our pain points and shows us where our work might be. But this can raise a difficult question: if we’re still being triggered or activated within that very relationship, is healing actually possible?
In this episode, I explore the nuance of this dilemma. We’ll cover:
- Why triggers aren’t necessarily a bad thing — and how they can point us toward the deeper wounds that need healing.
- The difference between growth edges that stretch us and dynamics that keep us constantly dysregulated.
- Signs you can do the work of healing within a relationship, and when the relationship itself may be keeping you stuck.
- How to find the middle ground: using relational challenges as invitations into greater self-awareness, without normalising constant pain or struggle.
Relationships will always bring moments of discomfort — that’s the nature of intimacy and vulnerability. But there’s an important distinction between the kind of challenge that supports healing, and the kind that prevents it. This episode will help you reflect on where your relationship sits, and what you need in order to move forward in your healing journey.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
When you’re anxiously attached, it’s easy to fixate on red flags and warning signs — scanning for danger in the early stages of dating. But if you’re always looking for what’s wrong, you might miss the important signs that you’re with someone who’s actually safe, caring, and aligned with you.
In this episode, we shift the focus to green flags — the encouraging behaviours and feelings that can help you recognise when a connection has potential. You’ll learn why these signs matter, how they can soothe an anxious system, and how to pay attention to the way you feel in someone’s presence.
We’ll explore:
- Why paying attention to how you feel around someone can be more telling than analysing their every move
- The importance of being remembered and feeling genuinely seen
- Signs of sincerity, effort, and sustained interest (and how they differ from love-bombing)
- The role of humour, playfulness, and ease in creating a healthy connection
If you’re ready to reframe your approach to dating and start recognising when something is right for you, this episode will help you spot the cues that matter most.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Fear of infidelity can be one of the most overwhelming and destabilising experiences for someone with anxious attachment. Even when there’s no evidence a partner is being unfaithful, the possibility alone can trigger deep anxiety, hypervigilance, and constant worry.
In this episode, we explore why anxiously attached people often fear cheating so much, even in the absence of proof. We’ll look at the core wounds and nervous system patterns that fuel this fear, the role of past relationship and childhood experiences, and how certain dynamics—especially with avoidant partners—can make these fears even more intense.
We’ll also unpack the ways fear of cheating can show up in a relationship, the problems with trying to “prevent” it through control or monitoring, and practical steps to move towards a more secure, trusting dynamic.
If this is something you’ve struggled with, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface and give you tools to respond in a way that’s calmer, clearer, and more grounded.
You’ll learn:
- The connection between anxious attachment and fear of infidelity
- How past betrayal or early life experiences can amplify the fear
- Why anxious-avoidant relationships can trigger cheating anxiety
- How hypervigilance and reassurance-seeking can harm trust
- Tools for building self-trust and relationship security
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
If you’ve ever felt calm and confident when you’re single, only to find yourself spiralling into anxiety the moment you start dating, there’s a good reason for it.
In this episode, I share why this shift happens — and why it’s completely normal if you have an anxious attachment style. Attachment patterns are relational, which means they tend to lie dormant when we’re on our own. But as soon as we have something (or someone) at stake, we feel more vulnerable. The more we care, the more our protective strategies kick in — sometimes in big, overwhelming ways.
This episode is a reassuring reminder that there’s nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way — it’s simply your nervous system doing its job in trying to keep you safe when things start to feel risky.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Understanding your nervous system is one of the most powerful tools you have for creating secure, connected relationships. But too often we approach it as a one-size-fits-all formula, rather than honouring the unique way our individual nervous systems work.
In this episode, I’m joined by parenting expert and author Alyssa Blask Campbell to explore how tuning into your nervous system can make you a better partner and parent. Alyssa shares insights from her work on emotional development in children and explains why knowing your own system is just as important for the adults in the room.
We talk about:
- Why nervous system awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence
- How your unique nervous system traits shape your relationships and parenting
- Practical ways to move from reactivity to grounded presence
- How understanding your system allows you to show up with more compassion, patience, and connection
If you’ve ever felt like the standard advice on regulation doesn’t quite work for you, this conversation will give you permission to explore what does — so you can build stronger, more attuned relationships at home and beyond.
Connect with Alyssa
- Instagram: @seed.and.sew
- Purchase Alyssa's books here
- Take the free quiz on your unique nervous system here
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
When a relationship ends without warning, it’s common to feel blindsided, confused, and deeply hurt. This is often labelled the “avoidant discard” — but while that term might feel validating in the moment, it can also keep you stuck in a disempowering story.
In this episode, we’ll talk about how to process a sudden ending in a way that honours your pain without leaving you tethered to it. We’ll explore:
- Why shock and lack of closure can intensify heartbreak
- The difference between feeling discarded and being discarded
- How villain/victim narratives can hold you back from real healing
- The impact of online echo chambers on your recovery
- Practical steps to reclaim your agency and move forward
This isn’t about minimising what you’ve been through. It’s about finding a more grounded, self-responsible way to engage with what happened — so you can process it fully, integrate the lessons, and step into your next chapter with clarity and self-respect.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Ever look back at your dating history and realise you’ve basically been in the same relationship over and over again — just with different people? Maybe you thought you’d learned the lessons, yet somehow the same dynamics keep playing out.
In this episode, we’re unpacking why these patterns form, why they feel so hard to break, and how you can start shifting them. We’ll explore how your early experiences shape an unconscious “blueprint” for love, how your nervous system pulls you toward what feels familiar (even when it’s not healthy), and the beliefs that keep certain dynamics on repeat.
I’ll walk you through a process for spotting your own relational through-lines, interrupting the cycle, and expanding your capacity for the kind of steady, reciprocal love you deserve.
Whether you’re in the thick of another “same story, different person” relationship or reflecting on past patterns, this episode will give you clarity, compassion, and practical steps to move toward something different.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
If you struggle with a harsh inner critic — whether it shows up as perfectionism, relentless self-judgment, or shame about the past — this episode is for you. We’re unpacking the roots of that punitive inner voice, how it tries to keep us safe, and the real cost it can have on our self-worth, our nervous system, and our ability to grow. We’ll also explore what it looks like to relate to ourselves differently: to meet our inner critic with compassion rather than fear, and to begin the process of forgiving ourselves for the things we wish we’d done differently.
In this episode, we’ll cover:
- The role of the inner critic and what it’s really trying to do
- Why punishing yourself doesn’t lead to growth (and what does)
- Why self-forgiveness can be so difficult
- How to hold responsibility without collapsing into shame
- Practical ways to begin softening your inner critic and making peace with your past
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
We don’t often talk about how attachment dynamics play out in friendships — but if you’ve ever felt anxious, hurt, or overly invested in a friend who seemed to be pulling away, you’ll know just how triggering these relationships can be.
While attachment theory was originally developed to explain the infant-caregiver bond and later applied to romantic relationships, many of the same fears, patterns, and protective strategies show up in our platonic relationships too — especially when they carry emotional significance.
In this episode, we’re exploring how different attachment styles can impact the way we relate to our friends, why friendship ruptures can feel just as painful (if not more so) than romantic ones, and how to navigate these dynamics with more clarity, compassion, and self-respect.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
If you’re someone with anxious attachment patterns, the ending of a relationship can bring up some of your deepest wounds: feelings of abandonment, not being enough, being too much, or fears that you’ll never find love again.
In today’s episode, I’m offering a more grounded, intentional path through heartbreak — one that doesn’t rely on ruminating, obsessing, or waiting for closure from someone else. We’re talking about how to actually heal from a breakup, rather than just surviving it.
I’ll walk you through:
- Why grieving fully is essential (and how we often mistake rumination for grief)
- The stories we tell ourselves post-breakup, and how they shape our suffering
- How to find closure within yourself, instead of waiting for your ex to give it to you
- What it means to really learn the lessons of a breakup
- Why getting clear on what you want in future relationships is one of the most powerful things you can do before moving on
Whether your breakup was recent or something you still carry with you, my hope is that this episode supports you in finding your way back to yourself — with clarity, compassion, and courage.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
So many of us struggle with the idea of self-love. For me, and for many others, it can feel vague, aspirational, or simply out of reach. But what if, instead of trying to love ourselves, we focused on becoming someone we actually like?
In today’s episode, I’m sharing five practical and tangible ways to do just that. This is about taking honest, grounded steps that help you build real self-respect, pride, and internal alignment. Whether you’re feeling disconnected from yourself, stuck in self-judgment, or just wanting to feel better in your own skin, this episode is for you.
We’ll explore:
- How to identify where you’re out of alignment with your values
- Why following through on your boundaries builds self-trust
- The importance of noticing who or what brings out the worst in you
- Why prioritising your wellbeing is essential
- Why you should seek out opportunities to make yourself proud
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In this episode, I’m joined by educator, speaker, and author Lael Stone to explore the powerful role that early imprints play in shaping the stories we carry — about ourselves, others, and the world around us.
We dive into how our earliest experiences — especially within our family system — inform the narratives we unconsciously live by. We talk about what it means to bring those stories into conscious awareness, and how to begin rewriting the ones that no longer serve us.
Whether you’re deep in your healing journey or just beginning to explore your inner world, this conversation is a reminder that we’re not defined by our past — and that we have the power to tell a new story.
Connect with Lael Stone
Instagram: @laelstone
Website: laelstone.com.au
Purchase Lael's new book, Own Your Story
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
When you have an anxious attachment style, it can be hard to know what you actually need to feel secure — especially if past relationships have left you second-guessing yourself or trying to manage your anxiety by suppressing your needs.
In this episode, we’re exploring five key ingredients that help anxiously attached people thrive in relationships. These aren’t about seeking constant reassurance or outsourcing your self-worth — they’re about being in relational environments that support security, growth, and genuine connection.
What we cover in this episode:
- How consistency supports nervous system regulation and builds trust over time
- The importance of emotional validation in helping you feel understood and connected
- Why clear and reliable communication matters more than constant contact
- The role of safe conflict in creating long-term security and repair
- How having a shared vision helps settle the fear of uncertainty and misalignment
Whether you’re currently dating or in a relationship, this episode will help you get clearer on what’s supportive for you — and how to recognise when your needs are being met versus when you’re stuck in a cycle of over-functioning or hoping for crumbs.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, we’re exploring what avoidant attached people actually need to feel safe and secure in a relationship — and how partners can support that without self-abandoning.
Avoidant attachment is often misunderstood — labelled as cold, distant, or commitment-phobic. But when we look beneath those surface-level behaviours, what we often find is a deep need for space, safety, and self-reliance.
We’ll cover:
- Why space needs to be respected, not punished
- The importance of having a partner who can self-regulate rather than emotionally offload
- How clear, direct, and honest communication builds safety
- The value of each partner having a full, meaningful life outside the relationship
- Why pacing matters — and how moving too fast can trigger shutdown
- Balancing lightness and heaviness
Whether you’re avoidant yourself or in a relationship with someone who is, this episode will help you better understand the conditions that allow these relationships to thrive.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
If you deeply fear abandonment, there’s a good chance you’ve also been abandoning yourself in quiet, subtle, and painful ways.
In today’s episode, we’re exploring how fear of abandonment often leads to patterns of self-abandonment — especially for those with anxious attachment. We’ll look at why this happens, how it shows up in your relationships, and what it actually costs you when you disconnect from your truth just to stay connected to someone else.
You’ll learn:
- Why self-abandonment is often a survival strategy rooted in early attachment wounds
- What self-abandonment looks like in dating and relationships
- The trade-off between authenticity and connection
- Why the work must begin with us
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, I’m sharing two key principles for building a truly resilient, balanced nervous system — and why one without the other tends to keep us stuck.
We’ll explore:
- Why nervous system health isn’t about being relaxed all the time
- The importance of deliberate stress exposure to build capacity and resilience
- The equally vital need to resource and nourish ourselves through rest, pleasure, and co-regulation
- How to work with the natural ebb and flow of activation and recovery
- A simple metaphor to help you reflect on how you’re currently supporting your system
Whether you’re feeling burnt out, dysregulated, or just curious about how to better support your emotional wellbeing, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate reframe of what nervous system care can look like.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
If you often feel like you're fighting for a place in your partner’s life—like you’re always waiting to be chosen or noticed—this episode is for you.
This is one of the most common experiences for people with anxious attachment: that persistent, painful feeling of being sidelined. Of giving so much, while wondering if you even matter to the person you love. And when that becomes a pattern, it can quietly erode your sense of self-worth.
In this episode, I’m unpacking:
- Why anxiously attached people are so sensitive to feeling deprioritised
- How this dynamic often plays out in anxious-avoidant relationships
- The emotional cost of constantly striving to be chosen
- What you can focus on to reclaim your power and stop abandoning yourself in the process
Whether you’re currently in a relationship or reflecting on a past one, this conversation will help you make sense of what’s happening and offer practical ways to move forward with more clarity, dignity, and self-trust.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
While it’s easy to focus on the struggles of anxious attachment — overthinking, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment — there are also real gifts that often go hand-in-hand with these attachment patterns. When held with awareness and intention, many of the traits we associate with anxious attachment can become powerful strengths in our relationships and our lives.
I’ll be exploring:
- Why it’s important to move beyond pathologising anxious attachment
- The qualities that often develop through lived experience with this pattern
- How your sensitivity, attunement, and relational depth can become assets
- The difference between operating from fear vs. secure self-expression
- How to start embracing your relational gifts without losing yourself
Whether you're in the thick of healing or just starting to understand your patterns, I hope this episode leaves you feeling acknowledged for all that is beautiful about you!
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the subtle (but important) differences between requests, boundaries, ultimatums, and dealbreakers. While these words are often used interchangeably, they carry different energies — and understanding those differences can help you communicate more clearly, hold your ground with integrity, and honour your needs without falling into patterns of control, people-pleasing, or collapse.
We’ll explore:
- Why the energy behind your words matters more than the words themselves
- What makes an ultimatum different from a boundary or dealbreaker
- The common trap of over-explaining instead of taking aligned action
- Why communication problems can't be solved in isolation
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In this episode, we're exploring why so many of us struggle to access pleasure, rest, and a felt sense of wellbeing — especially in a culture that glorifies productivity, self-sacrifice, and chronic stress.
If you've ever felt like slowing down or doing something just because it feels good triggers guilt, anxiety, or even restlessness… you're not alone.
We'll look at:
- How chronic stress and hypervigilance disrupt our ability to feel good
- Why pleasure and rest often feel unsafe or unearned
- The role of the nervous system in receiving nourishment and joy
- How burnout and self-worth issues intersect
- Small, everyday ways to start rebuilding your capacity for pleasure and ease
This episode is a gentle invitation to notice the forces that have pulled you away from yourself — and to begin reclaiming the parts of you that long to feel good.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
If you find yourself spiralling into anxiety — overanalysing a text, catastrophising worst-case scenarios, or feeling like your nervous system is in overdrive — this episode is for you.
Today we’re talking about how to stop the anxious spiral before it takes over. I’ll walk you through what actually happens in your body and mind during a spiral, why it makes so much sense if you struggle with anxious attachment, and what you can do to interrupt that cycle in the moment. I’ll also share some longer-term strategies for building resilience and emotional regulation so these spirals become less frequent and less intense over time.
We’ll cover:
- What triggers the anxious spiral and how it gains momentum
- Simple tools to calm your system and regain perspective
- Why nervous system regulation is essential to breaking the pattern
- How self-worth plays a role in stopping spirals before they start
Whether you’re in the thick of anxiety right now or want to feel more in control next time it hits, I hope this episode leaves you feeling more grounded, compassionate, and empowered.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Jealousy is one of the most common—and most shamed—experiences for people with anxious attachment. In this episode, we’re exploring where jealousy really comes from, how it manifests in relationships, and why it makes so much sense through the lens of self-worth and attachment wounding.
I share personal reflections from my own journey with jealousy, alongside insights to help you understand your patterns with more compassion and clarity. Whether you obsessively compare yourself to others, feel threatened by your partner’s past, or find yourself spinning out when you don’t feel like a priority, this episode will help you start untangling the deeper fears driving those reactions.
We’ll cover:
- Why jealousy is often a symptom of deeper insecurity and low self-worth
- The difference between jealousy and envy — and why both show up for anxiously attached people
- Common behaviours (like social media stalking or reassurance-seeking) and why they don’t actually soothe your fears
- What to do when jealousy arises — and why shame only makes it worse
- Why building self-worth is the most powerful antidote to chronic jealousy
Sign up for the 28-Day Secure Self Challenge
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Feeling stuck in your relationship? Like things are off, disconnected, or just… heavy? You're not alone. Relationship ruts are common — and they're often more about what's bleeding into the relationship (stress, burnout, life overload) than about the relationship itself.
For those in anxious-avoidant dynamics, these ruts can feel especially charged. The anxious partner often wants to fix it, while the avoidant may feel overwhelmed or pressured — leading to even more distance.
In this episode, I share 3 powerful shifts to help you move out of a rut and back into connection:
- Shift your focus to what is working — Appreciation and warmth go further than criticism.
- Reconnect through something light — Play, fun, and novelty can do what words sometimes can’t.
- Tend to your own world — Reclaim your centre so the relationship doesn’t carry the full weight of your wellbeing.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Whether you’re single or partnered, you might find yourself wondering: Am I in the right place to do this work? There’s often an unspoken belief that there’s a “best” time to heal — and that if we’re not doing it in the ideal conditions, we’re doing it wrong.
In this episode, I’ll explore:
- The advantages and limitations of healing while single
- Why being in a relationship can accelerate your growth (but only under the right conditions)
- How emotional safety plays a key role in healing
- Why the question itself might be coming from a place of fear, shame, or comparison
- How to work with whatever season you're in and meet yourself there
Whether you're currently dating, in a relationship, or consciously taking space from romantic connection — this conversation will help you better understand the unique opportunities (and challenges) each path offers.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
We all have visions for how we thought life would unfold — timelines we hoped to follow, milestones we expected to reach. So what happens when life doesn't go to plan?
In today’s episode, I’m speaking to those moments of disappointment, grief, and disorientation that come when our reality looks nothing like we’d imagined. Whether it’s relationships, career, family, or a more intangible sense of where you “should” be by now — it’s easy to spiral into self-blame, shame, or despair when life veers off course.
We’ll explore:
- Why unmet timelines can stir such deep emotion and shame
- The hidden comparison traps that make us feel like we’re falling behind
- How to hold space for grief without collapsing into hopelessness
- The difference between giving up and gently letting go
- What it looks like to reimagine your path from a place of self-trust and compassion
If you’re navigating a chapter that looks wildly different from what you’d hoped or planned — I hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
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Many of us are taught that taking care of the people we love is the ultimate expression of devotion. But when caring crosses the line into caretaking, it can quietly create deep imbalances in our relationships.
Caretaking often stems from anxiety, a need for control, or an old belief that love must be earned through over-functioning — anticipating needs, smoothing over discomfort, managing someone else's feelings or life for them. While it can look like love on the surface, it often leaves both partners stuck: one overextending, the other under-functioning, and both feeling disconnected.
In this episode, we explore:
- The key differences between caring and caretaking
- How caretaking can create resentment, imbalance, and emotional dependency
- Why caretaking is often a hidden form of control
- Signs you might be caught in a caretaking dynamic
- How to shift towards healthier, more empowering ways of loving and relating
Building secure, connected relationships isn't about fixing or rescuing each other — it's about standing alongside each other, with enough trust to let each person take responsibility for themselves.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Most relationships move through a phase where things start to feel harder than they used to. The spark has dimmed, tension is bubbling beneath the surface, and it feels like you’re constantly clashing or misfiring. This is what’s often called the power struggle stage — and while it can be incredibly challenging, it’s also a powerful opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.
In today’s episode, we’re talking about:
- What the power struggle stage is and why it happens
- How insecure attachment patterns can intensify this dynamic
- The common traps couples fall into during this phase
- What to do (and not do) if you want to move through it
- When the power struggle becomes a sign of misalignment rather than a phase
If you’ve found yourself wondering whether you’re growing apart or just navigating something difficult and necessary — this episode is for you.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
When we think about improving our relationships, we’re often focused on what isn’t working — what our partner could do differently, how we’re not getting our needs met, where communication is breaking down.
But in this episode, I want to invite a slightly different lens: what does it mean to be a better partner? Not from a place of self-sacrifice or perfectionism, but from a grounded, secure place. One that’s rooted in love, compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to show up with care.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why our capacity to sit with discomfort can shape the tone of our relationships
- What it really means to listen with curiosity, rather than defensiveness
- How our own insecurities can make us self-focused without realising it
- The importance of meaningful repair after conflict
- The difference between blame and honest self-reflection
- Why it matters to love your partner the way they receive love—not just how you like to give it
These aren’t tips to make yourself more palatable or easygoing. They’re invitations to grow, to connect more deeply, and to take ownership of your part in creating a secure and nourishing relational space.
Free Masterclass: Anxious-Avoidant Relationships
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is feeling like you're growing and evolving, while your partner seems simply unwilling to meet you there. Maybe you’ve suggested therapy, brought up recurring issues, or shared books and podcasts you love, only to be met with silence, shutdown, or defensiveness.
In this episode, we’re exploring what to do when your partner doesn’t seem interested in personal growth or improving the relationship. We’ll talk about why this happens, what it means (and doesn’t mean), and how to navigate it in a way that honours your own needs without defaulting to blame or control.
Whether you're in a long-term partnership or navigating something newer, this conversation will help you feel more grounded and clear in how you show up when things feel one-sided.
In this episode, I cover:
- Why some people resist self-work or relationship growth
- How attachment styles shape our responses to discomfort and change
- The difference between inviting vs. demanding growth
- Why your healing doesn’t depend on your partner's participation
- What to do when you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.
It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck.
This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves.
Whether you’ve been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires.
In this episode, I cover:
- Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilified
- How our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patterns
- The deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassion
- Why anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won’t help you heal
- The role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forward
If you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you’re holding — about others, and about yourself.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Healing anxious attachment is a life-changing journey — but it’s not always easy. While moving toward secure attachment can bring more ease, confidence, and healthier relationships, it also requires confronting some uncomfortable truths along the way. In this episode, we’re unpacking five hard truths about healing that will help you set realistic expectations and stay committed to your growth.
What We Cover in This Episode:
- Why healing isn’t always comfortable — and why grief is often part of the process
- The myth of waking up one day as "fully secure" and what real progress looks like
- How healing might disrupt your relationships (and why not everyone will like the changes you make)
- Why you won’t stop getting triggered — but how you can gain more control over your reactions
- The surprising truth: sometimes you’ll miss your old patterns, even the unhealthy ones
Healing doesn’t mean never struggling again. It means showing up differently, practicing new choices, and being compassionate with yourself along the way. If you're in the thick of it, know that you're not alone, and every step forward matters.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Self-trust is something we all want, but many of us struggle to build it. If you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, over-preparing for worst-case scenarios, or feeling like you can't rely on yourself, you're not alone.
In this episode, we’re unpacking why self-trust is so challenging, especially for those with anxious attachment, and how to shift your focus to build a strong foundation of inner security.
What We Cover in This Episode:
- Why anxiety craves control — and how this undermines self-trust
- The inverse relationship between trust and control
- How trying to prevent bad things from happening leads to self-blame
- A powerful reframe: self-trust isn’t about making the "right" decision, but making decisions in alignment with your values
- The biggest ways we unknowingly damage self-trust
- Why building self-trust is essential for healing anxious attachment
Self-trust isn’t about getting everything right or ensuring a perfect outcome, but about showing up with integrity and knowing you have your own back.
💌 Join the VIP List for Healing Anxious Attachment's Birthday Sale 💌
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
It’s painful when you feel like your needs in a relationship aren’t being met. Whether it’s emotional intimacy, quality time, affection, or communication, this can lead to frustration, loneliness, and resentment — especially if you’ve voiced your needs and still don’t see change.
In this episode, we’re exploring:
- Why anxiously attached people so often get stuck around needs
- What to focus on if you feel stuck in a cycle of unmet needs
- How to know when it’s a compatibility issue vs. a communication issue
If you’ve ever wondered whether your needs are “too much” or felt torn between self-advocacy and keeping the peace, this episode will give you clarity on how to navigate these conversations with confidence and self-respect.
Healing Anxious Attachment's 3rd Birthday Sale! Join the VIP list here.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Social media can be a minefield at the best of times, but if you have an anxious attachment style, it can amplify relationship anxiety in ways that feel overwhelming. From overanalysing who your partner follows to spiralling over why they haven’t posted about you, social media can fuel insecurity, comparison, and even compulsive checking behaviours.
In today’s episode, we’re exploring why social media is such a common trigger for people with anxious attachment, the unhealthy patterns it can create, and most importantly, how to navigate it in a way that supports your wellbeing and relationship security.
What We Cover in This Episode:
- Why social media fuels anxiety for anxiously attached people
- The biggest relationship triggers—who your partner follows, why they won't post about you, and more
- The comparison trap and how it distorts reality
- Unhealthy social media behaviours that reinforce insecurity
- Practical strategies to reduce social media anxiety and feel more secure
Link to Episode #165: Why Validation is So Important for Anxiously Attached People
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about conscious dating and how you can raise your standards and date from a place of grounded self-confidence and self-worth. Many anxiously attached people struggle a lot with dating, experiencing anxiety, insecurity and self-doubt every step of the way. This can naturally block us from connecting with others in a way that feels healthy and authentic.
We'll cover:
- the importance of dating with intentionality
- common mindset pitfalls
- identifying your values, non-negotiables and deal-breakers
Resources mentioned
- Conscious Dating Workshop: Join my Insiders membership on the Premium tier for free access to my Conscious Dating Workshop
- Higher Love Break-Up Course
- Secure Together Couples Course
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we explore how perfectionism intersects with anxious attachment and impacts our ability to form secure relationships. We examine how the drive for perfection often stems from attachment wounds around unworthiness and creates barriers to authentic connection.
Key themes covered:
- The links between perfectionism and anxious attachment patterns
- How perfectionism manifests in relationships (performing, people-pleasing, fear of making mistakes)
- The connection between perfectionism and fear of abandonment
- Why perfectionism creates distance in relationships despite our intentions for closeness
- How perfectionism impacts vulnerability and emotional intimacy
We discuss practical steps for:
- Recognising perfectionist patterns in your relationships
- Moving from self-criticism to self-compassion
- Embracing "good enough" in relationships
- Building tolerance for imperfection
- Showing up authentically in relationships
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Have you ever wondered how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety? If so, this episode is for you. We're talking all about the difference between intuition and anxiety, and sharing some simple tools to know how best to relate to these states and when to listen to the information our body is giving us.
We'll cover:
- anxious attachment and hyperawareness of shifts in people's emotional states
- trusting our perception but questioning the meaning-making
- recognising urgency as a key imprint of anxiety
- treating our anxiety with care and kindness without letting it run the show
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking about how to rebuild self-worth after a break-up. It's so common, particularly for anxious attachers, to emerge after a break-up feeling incredibly uncertain and lacking in self-worth. We become acutely aware of the extent to which we lost ourselves in the relationship, but often don't know where or how to begin reconnecting with who we are.
We'll talk about:
- why it's so common for self-worth to be damaged after a break-up
- self-abandonment and self-loss when relationships are under strain
- deciding to go all in on yourself
- practical tips for rebuilding self-worth and reconnecting to your authenticity
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we’re exploring the key signs that you’re moving from anxious attachment toward greater security. While every healing journey is unique, certain themes consistently emerge as markers of growth. If you're working on healing your anxious attachment style, this episode will help you recognise the shifts happening within you.
What We Cover:
- How healing is not linear and why everyone's journey looks different
- The mindset shifts that show you're stepping out of fear and insecurity
- Emotional and relational changes that signal you're building self-worth and self-trust
- Learning to let go of control and embrace uncertainty
- Practical insights to keep you motivated as you continue your journey
Whether you're just beginning to explore attachment healing or you're deep in the process, this episode offers validation and encouragement to help you stay the course.
Join Healing Anxious Attachment to start your journey to secure attachment today!
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
For our first episode of 2025, we're exploring the journey of creating a life that feels deeply authentic and aligned with who you truly are. Moving beyond societal expectations and the hamster wheel of constant striving, this episode challenges you to embrace courage, honesty, and personal responsibility to make meaningful changes in your life.
Key topics covered:
- Why honesty with yourself is essential for transformation
- The power of action—and why inaction is a decision too
- How to reconnect with your deepest desires and yearnings
- Building capacity for discomfort as a tool for growth
- Practicing courage and embracing fear as part of the process
If you’re ready to step into agency, responsibility, and bravery in 2025, this episode is for you.
For those wanting deeper support, I invite you to join me in Homecoming, a six-month mastermind for creating a life filled with joy, freedom, and abundance.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In this Q&A episode, I’m answering your most common questions about early dating—particularly through the lens of anxious attachment. If dating feels like a minefield of overthinking, anxiety, and emotional highs and lows, this episode is for you.
We’ll explore:
- Early dating dynamics: Navigating the vulnerability and uncertainty that comes with getting to know someone new.
- Not attaching too quickly: Why it happens for those with anxious attachment and how to pace yourself emotionally.
- Texting anxiety: How to manage the discomfort of waiting for replies and keep yourself grounded.
- Values over chemistry: Why prioritising what truly matters can help you avoid unhealthy patterns and feel more secure.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we’re diving deep into self-sabotage—those frustrating patterns where we seem to work against our own best interests. Whether it’s procrastination, pushing people away, or avoiding opportunities, self-sabotage can feel like an endless cycle.
We cover:
- What self-sabotage really is: Understanding how it’s often a misguided attempt to keep us safe.
- Why we get stuck: Exploring the fears, limiting beliefs, and unmet needs that fuel sabotaging behaviour.
- How to shift these patterns: Where to focus your attention to break the cycle and create new, supportive habits.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In this episode of On Attachment, we’re diving into how to support an avoidant partner in opening up emotionally. If you’ve ever felt frustrated by your partner’s emotional distance or found yourself unsure how to help them feel safe in the relationship, this episode is for you.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking about the delicate balance between compassion for others, and boundaries for ourselves. For those of us who tend towards empathy and curiosity towards others' inner worlds, it's easy to fixate on the "why" behind their behaviours (particularly behaviours we don't like or understand). And while that is an admirable trait, without clear boundaries it can easily veer into self-abandonment.
I'll share some thoughts on how to find a balance between compassion and generosity in our interpretation of others' behaviour, while also having clarity and firmness in our self-advocacy and knowing what we can and can't tolerate.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we’re diving into what avoidant partner deactivation looks like and how you can respond to this experience in a way that protects your emotional wellbeing and prevents further spiralling and disconnection.
We’ll explore the subtle ways avoidant partners create distance—whether emotionally, physically, or in their communication—and how these behaviours stem from their attachment patterns rather than a lack of care or love. Importantly, we’ll talk about what you can do in these moments to maintain connection without pressuring your partner or compromising your own self-worth.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about validation — and specifically, why it is so essential for anxiously attached people in building more security within themselves and in their relationships.
Most anxiously attached people are accustomed to feeling chronically invalidated (in part because they tend to do this to themselves), always wondering if they are too much, too needy, too sensitive, too paranoid, and so on. This can lead to over-reliance on a partner or others external to us to determine whether our experience is real and valid.
Tune in for a discussion on why validation is so important for anxious attachers, and how we can give ourselves this gift to build more security and self-assuredness.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about the abandonment wound — and specifically, five scenarios that might unexpectedly trigger your fears and insecurities around abandonment. When we think about the fear of abandonment, we often imagine scenarios where someone physically leaves us—maybe a breakup or a loved one walking out the door. But the truth is, this fear can manifest in much more subtle and unexpected ways, especially for those of us with anxious attachment patterns.
We'll cover:
- how periods of grief or loss can trigger abandonment fears
- illness and wanting to be cared for
- dealing with unexpected life challenges
- periods of transition or major life changes
- emotional overwhelm and the need for support
Join my new membership, On Attachment Insiders today!
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In this episode, we dive into the growing issue of phone usage and its impact on relationship satisfaction, especially when one partner feels neglected, ignored and frustrated by the other's screen time.
We explore why constant phone use can feel so personal, discuss strategies for approaching the topic constructively, and offer practical ways to set digital boundaries together. If you’re struggling with a partner’s phone habits, this episode will give you tools to foster more connection and understanding.
Join my new membership community, On Attachment Insiders 🌎
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In this episode, we're exploring the common and very human experience of hoping an ex will come back after a break-up, saying they've changed their mind and want to reconcile.
Whether you were left unexpectedly or the break-up was a long time coming, the hope that an ex will realise their mistake and come back can be powerful and all-consuming. I'll share some mindset reframes and tools to relate to your hoping differently, so you can validate yourself while still moving forward in a direction that supports your wellbeing and next chapter.
Additional Resources
- Break-up quiz
- Guided closure meditation
- Higher Love course (save 50% with coupon code PHOENIX)
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In this episode, we’re diving into how fearful avoidant attachment (also known as disorganised attachment) plays out in relationships. If you identify with this attachment style, you might notice certain patterns in your relationships that feel confusing or contradictory.
Key points include:
- Feelings of instability in relationships: Many with fearful avoidant attachment feel fine when single, but painful emotions surface in relationships, often leading to blaming their partner.
- Impact of partner's attachment style: A hallmark of fearful avoidant attachment is the shift between anxious and avoidant behaviours, which can vary from one partner to the next depending on the attachment combinations.
- Idealising vs. villainising partners: There’s a tendency to place partners on a pedestal at times, but then quickly villainise them when triggered or threatened.
- Fear of intimacy vs. longing for connection: Fearful avoidants deeply crave closeness, but a core fear of rejection — often rooted in shame — makes true intimacy feel unsafe. Fear of betrayal and difficulties with trust are also common.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to navigate emotional triggers in a healthy and constructive way. Whether it’s a comment, an argument, or even an unexpected event, triggers can send us into emotional overdrive, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from ourselves. But with the right tools, you can slow down the spiral and regain control over your emotions.
I’ll guide you through a simple, four-step process to help you work through triggers in real time. We’ll explore how to pause and ground yourself, tune into what’s happening in your body, examine the story you’re telling yourself about the situation, and identify what you truly need to move forward.
If you’ve ever felt hijacked by your emotions and want practical steps to bring more calm and clarity to these moments, this episode is for you.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Why we get triggered and how the body responds to perceived threats
- The importance of pausing and creating space before reacting
- How to tune into your body to notice sensations and ground yourself
- Questions to help you check the story you’re telling yourself about the situation
- How to discern whether you need to have a conversation or if you can genuinely let it go
- Identifying what you need to feel empowered and move forward
✨ Download the free cheat sheet on How to Work Through a Triggerhere✨
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
How do you know if you're ready for a relationship? Perhaps you've asked yourself this question — and in today's episode, that's what we're exploring. While I don't believe we ever reach some objective place of being "healed enough" to enter a relationship, I do believe there are certain indicators we can look out for — signs that we're in a strong place mentally and emotionally, which will set us up for the best possible chance at finding and building a healthy partnership.
Upcoming Events
- Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now! 🏝️
- Sydney Intensive - Buy tickets
Additional Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save 50% on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Visit my website
In this episode, we’re tackling the challenging topic of obsessive thinking about someone and how to break free from that mental loop that causes suffering.
We’ll explore different approaches, including Byron Katie’s The Work as a top-down method for challenging your thoughts, somatic tools to discharge anxiety from the body as a bottom-up approach, as well as the broader work of addressing the insecurities and wounds that often fuel obsessive thinking.
By addressing your thoughts, calming your body, and working through your deeper emotional wounds, you can find peace and clarity in your relationships.
Upcoming Events
- Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now! 🏝️
- Sydney Workshop (November) - Buy tickets
Additional Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save 50% on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Visit my website
In this episode, we’re exploring three key things you’ll likely notice when you experience your first truly healthy relationship. While healthy relationships are often idealised, they still come with their own challenges.
We’ll discuss how they invite vulnerability, reveal where we may have been hiding behind dysfunction, and show us that even secure partners can be imperfect. Finally, we’ll talk about how conflict in a healthy relationship doesn’t disappear, but it feels safer and more productive.
Key Points Covered:
- Vulnerability: When you're in a healthy dynamic, the absence of chaos can feel unfamiliar, and it may expose areas where you’ve avoided vulnerability by leaning on old, dysfunctional patterns.
- Imperfection in Secure Partners: It’s easy to idealise secure partners as perfect, but it’s important to remember that they, too, are human. The difference is in how they respond to their imperfections and how you both handle those inevitable moments of frustration.
- Safe Conflict: You’ll realise that disagreements can be handled with mutual respect and a sense of safety, where both partners feel heard and valued, even in moments of tension.
Upcoming Events
- Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now! 🏝️
- Sydney Workshop (November) - Buy tickets
Additional Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save 50% on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Visit my website
In this episode, we’re diving into the how anxious and avoidant attachment styles can influence sexual relationships. Understanding these differences can be crucial for navigating intimacy in your relationship, whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does.
We’ll cover five key differences in how anxious and avoidant attachment styles experience and approach sex.
- Emphasis on Emotional vs Physical Intimacy
Anxiously attached individuals may place a stronger emphasis on emotional intimacy and connection as a foundation for physical intimacy. In contrast, avoidantly attached individuals might prioritize physical intimacy while keeping emotional vulnerability at arm’s length. - Overthinking vs Dissociating
When it comes to sex, those with an anxious attachment style may find themselves getting stuck in their heads, overthinking and ruminating on whether they’re pleasing their partner or what their partner might be thinking. Avoidantly attached individuals, however, might struggle to stay present during intimacy, often dissociating or emotionally checking out as a way to manage their discomfort with closeness. - Focus on Other vs Focus on Self
Anxiously attached individuals often focus heavily on their partner’s needs and feelings during sex, sometimes to the detriment of their own experience. In contrast, avoidant individuals might approach sex with a more self-focused mindset, prioritising their own comfort and boundaries, which can create distance in the sexual connection. - Libido / General Openness to Being Intimate
Anxious attachment can sometimes lead to a heightened desire for intimacy as a way to secure closeness and reassurance. Avoidantly attached individuals might experience a lower libido or be less open to intimacy, particularly if they feel overwhelmed by emotional closeness. - Impact of Relational Tension on Desire for Sex
Relational tension can have opposite effects on anxious and avoidant individuals. Those with anxious attachment may seek sex as a way to repair or soothe relational tension, while those with avoidant attachment might withdraw further, seeing sex as a source of pressure rather than connection.
Upcoming Events
- Byron Bay Retreat - Apply now! 🏝️
- Sydney Workshop (November) - Buy tickets
Additional Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save 50% on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're diving into fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment and how it differs from anxious attachment.
We’ll explore how both types are driven by a fear of abandonment and intense emotions, yet differ in their approaches to intimacy, conflict resolution, and communication.
Whether you identify with one of these attachment styles or are in a relationship with someone who does, this episode will give you valuable insights into the dynamics at play and how to navigate them for healthier connections.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we’re exploring the common patterns and beliefs that lead people into situationships — those ambiguous, frustrating "almost-relationships" that never quite become something more.
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a situationship and wondered why it keeps happening, this episode is for you. We'll dive into four key reasons why you might be attracting these kinds of connections and how to start breaking free from the cycle. Specifically, we'll cover:
- how a fear of rejection stops you from expressing your desires
- the saviour complex and trying to change the emotionally unavailable person
- the tendency to prioritise chemistry over true compatibility and authentic connection
- tolerating situationships out of a fear that you can't do any better
If you’re tired of finding yourself in situationships, this episode will help you identify the underlying beliefs and behaviors contributing to the pattern. You'll learn practical steps to start attracting the kind of relationship you truly want.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
This week, we're talking all about how avoidant attached people can experience conflict in a healthier, more productive way. I'll be sharing three tips that will allow you to feel more connected, grounded and in control in the way you approach conflict in your relationship.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing three tips for anxiously attached people to improve the way they approach and experience conflict. We cover things like slowing down and saying less, keeping things to one issue, and knowing when to leave the conversation and let things go.
Be sure to tune in next week for Part 2 where we cover tips for avoidantly attached people in conflict!
📣📣 Healing Anxious Attachment is relaunching soon! Join the waitlist here.
Further Links & Resources
- Get my Better Boundaries masterclass for just US$30 (usually US$88)
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing with you some wisdom from three of my favourite writers and teachers on life, love and relationships. These quotes, from authors James Clear, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Brene Brown, have been hugely formative for me in my own journey and I hope you love them as much as I do.
Healing Anxious Attachment is relaunching soon! Join the waitlist here.
Further Links & Resources
- 📣 FLASH SALE: Get my Better Boundaries masterclass for just US$30 (usually US$88)
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking about boundaries. Boundary setting is one of those areas that we hear about so much in the personal development world, and yet bridging the gap between theory and practice remains a challenge for most of the folks that I work with (particularly those with an anxious attachment style).
We'll cover:
- why boundary setting is so hard for people with insecure attachment patterns
- how anxious and avoidant attachment styles differ in boundary setting
- the truth about boundaries in healthy relationships
- how to navigate a fear that setting boundaries will lead to the relationship falling apart
📣 FLASH SALE: Get my Better Boundaries masterclass for just US$30 (usually US$88)
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing three life lessons that I wish I'd learned sooner. These are around the theme of self-awareness, personal responsibility and consciously creating the life that we want for ourselves.
Last chance to join The Secure Self Challenge!
Sign up for the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Kicking off 29 July 2024.
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're tackling the pervasive issue of resentment in relationships. We explore why resentment occurs, its impact on relationships, and how to address and resolve these feelings.
We cover:
- what resentment signals to us about ourselves
- why certain people are more prone to resentment
- the link between resentment and poor boundaries, suppression of needs and avoiding conflict
- how we can shift out of victimhood and take responsibility for our part in a dynamic
Sign up for the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Kicking off 29 July 2024.
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're unpacking five traits that everybody should be looking for in a prospective partner. It's so easy when dating to become swept up in a connection and inadvertently overlook some of the fundamental attributes we should all be seeking in a relationship.
The five traits we discuss in this episode are:
- emotional self-awareness
- integrity and trustworthiness
- consistency, reliability and dependability
- humour and playfulness
- kindness
Sign up for the 28-day Secure Self Challenge! Kicking off 29 July 2024.
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Have you ever found yourself seeking out relationship advice online only to be bombarded with pages of seemingly conflicting and contradictory opinions? If so, you're not alone - and today's episode is for you. I'm going to be sharing 5 examples of contradictory relationship advice that you may have encountered and struggled to make sense of, so that you can understand the nuances and practise discernment in finding the right way forward for you.
We cover:
- going after a life you love AND learning to be content with what you have
- knowing what you want in a partner AND not being overly prescriptive
- not dating someone for their potential AND wanting someone you can grow with
- not changing yourself to earn someone's love AND wanting to be your best self to attract a healthy partner
- the importance of feeling your feelings AND knowing when it's okay to distract yourself
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm unpacking three common pain points that virtually all anxious-avoidant couples will encounter at some point in their relationship. We'll talk about why these particular fights are so common, and what they're really about - so you can approach them next time with more empathy and understanding, and avoid the disconnection and hurt that comes with the typical anxious-avoidant trap.
Secure Together Course (save 50% with code HEYBABY): secure-together.com
💸 🎉 50% OFF SALE - use code HEYBABY to save 50% off any of the following:
- Building Trust Masterclass
- How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Masterclass
- Better Boundaries Masterclass
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Secure Together Relationship Course
- Higher Love Break-up Course
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on why you might struggle to let go of someone after a break-up - especially in circumstances where you logically know that they were "bad" for you. This is such a common experience, particularly for those with anxious attachment - feeling pulled in two different directions between what you know is best vs what your body and attachment system is urging you to do.
We cover:
- the importance of managing expectations after a break-up
- why it's normal to miss your ex (without it meaning anything)
- why unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships can be even harder to let go of
- treating moving on as a choice rather than a feeling\
If you're going through a break-up, check out my Higher Love break-up course (& save 50% with the code HEYBABY).
💸 🎉 50% OFF SALE - use code HEYBABY to save 50% off any of the following:
- Building Trust Masterclass
- How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Masterclass
- Better Boundaries Masterclass
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Secure Together Relationship Course
- Higher Love Break-up Course
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're exploring the tension between the conflicting needs for time together and time apart that can so often become a source of friction in anxious-avoidant dynamics.
Specifically, I'm sharing a simple but very effective tip that will both reduce separation anxiety for the anxious partner, and increase the avoidant partner's comfort with time spent together, creating a win-win for both partners and reducing the likelihood of repeated ruptures.
💸 🎉 50% OFF SALE - use code HEYBABY to save 50% off any of the following:
- Building Trust Masterclass
- How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Masterclass
- Better Boundaries Masterclass
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Secure Together Relationship Course
- Higher Love Break-up Course
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about receiving. For many of us, being the giver in our relationships is our comfort zone - which can lead to imbalances, unmet needs, and resentment. But while we may bemoan the lack of reciprocity in our relationships, there is a vulnerability to receiving that many of us are uncomfortable with.
We cover:
- the tendency to consistently end up in imbalanced relationships
- difficulty directing asking for what you want or need
- feeling guilty or burdensome when people support or accommodate you
- struggling to accept compliments or praise
- discomfort with being the centre of attention
💸 🎉 50% OFF SALE - use code HEYBABY to save 50% off any of the following:
- Building Trust Masterclass
- How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Masterclass
- Better Boundaries Masterclass
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Secure Together Relationship Course
- Higher Love Break-up Course
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the listener question of "Is it wrong to hope my partner will change?" Wanting to change a partner is something most of us will relate to in one form or another, but it's essential that we understand where this urge is coming from and what it's trying to tell us about ourselves, our partner, and the relationship.
Some of the things we cover:
- wanting to change little things vs big things
- how anxious and avoidant attached people differ in wanting to change their partner
- changes that relate to core relationship needs
- my advice when you're hoping they'll change without any signs that they want to
💸 🎉 50% OFF SALE - use code HEYBABY to save 50% off any of the following:
- Building Trust Masterclass
- How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Masterclass
- Better Boundaries Masterclass
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Secure Together Relationship Course
- Higher Love Break-up Course
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Are you someone who tends to go from 0 to 100 at the start of a new relationship? In today's episode, we're exploring how to not lose yourself when you start dating someone new (although the advice also applies to people already in an established relationship who feel they've lost touch with themselves). This dynamic is particularly common among those with an anxious attachment style, who tend to become overly fixated on a connection at the expense of other areas of life.
Tune in for tips on how to pace yourself in the early stages of a relationship so that you can deepen into a connection in a balanced, sustainable way that sets you up for long-term security and success.
💸 🎉 50% OFF SALE - use code HEYBABY to save 50% off any of the following:
- Building Trust Masterclass
- How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Masterclass
- Better Boundaries Masterclass
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Secure Together Relationship Course
- Higher Love Break-up Course
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing some reflections from my recent experience of pregnancy and birth on self-trust, control and surrender. These are themes that most folks with insecure attachment patterns struggle with, and learning to trust in your capacity to navigate life's ups and downs with confidence and agency is a huge step on the path to building secure attachment.
For more episodes on building trust, check out:
- Ep 130: The Pillars of a Healthy Relationship with Self
- Ep 124: On Trust, Risk & Vulnerability
- Ep 111: The Pillars of Trust & Trustworthiness
💸 🎉 50% OFF SALE - use code HEYBABY to save 50% off any of the following:
- Building Trust Masterclass
- How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships Masterclass
- Better Boundaries Masterclass
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Secure Together Relationship Course
- Higher Love Break-up Course
Further Links & Resources
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to navigate a partner pulling away. If you're someone with anxious attachment patterns, a partner's withdrawal or disengagement can feel extremely distressing - and yet, many of our go-to strategies for managing that distress can ironically have the effect of pushing someone further away.
We'll cover:
- what to do when someone pulls away in an early dating context
- why we feel drawn to pursuing connections with people who are inconsistent
- how to navigate a partner repeatedly leaving and coming back
- what to do when a long-term partner is emotionally withdrawn or distant
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about self-soothing and anxious attachment. For most anxiously attached folks, self-soothing and self-regulation can be a real struggle. This typically shows up as an over-reliance on others (often a partner) to be our sole source of safety and reassurance when we experience emotional distress, and an accompanying sense of helplessness and panic if and when they are not available to perform that role.
We'll cover:
- why anxiously attached people struggle to self-regulate
- how an inability to self-soothe impacts our relationships
- mindset shifts and practices to start building your self-soothing toolkit
⭐️ Last chance to sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment ⭐️
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
This episode is part two of a two-part series on 20 Traits of the Anxious Attachment Style. I'm going to be running through some of the less obvious expressions of the anxious attachment style, as well as the underlying drivers of these patterns.
⭐️ JOIN THE WAITLIST FOR HEALING ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT ⭐️
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Today's episode is part one of a two-part series on 20 Traits of the Anxious Attachment Style. I'm going to be running through some of the less obvious expressions of the anxious attachment style, as well as the underlying drivers of these patterns.
⭐️ JOIN THE WAITLIST FOR HEALING ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT ⭐️
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by James "Fish" Gill to talk all things conflict and conscious communication. Fish is a coach, teacher and facilitator whose work offers a compassionate paradigm for relating to and transforming moments of conflict in all of our relationships.
We cover:
- why we so easily end up in conflict and opposition with people we love
- how we unconsciously escalate conflict
- using compassion and curiosity to understand someone else's perspective
- holding both positive intention and unintended impact as true
- reframing defensiveness, withdrawal and other assumed ill-intent...
...and so much more!
Learn more about Fish's work:
- On Instagram: @james_fish_gill
- Visit his website: leadbyheart.com
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this week's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're exploring some common misconceptions about avoidant attachment. Avoidant attachment is frequently misunderstood and misrepresented in a lot of online content, and it's so important to me to dispel some of those portrayals and offer something more humanising and more honest about what's going on for avoidant folks.
We cover misconceptions around:
- avoidant people not wanting to be in relationships
- avoidant people only caring about themselves
- avoidant people never experiencing anxiety in their relationships
- avoidant people being unable to change
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by Julie Menanno. Julie is a couples therapist, best known for her hugely popular instagram account @thesecurerelationship where she offers nuanced and insightful takes on attachment dynamics and how couples can overcome negative cycles to build secure relationships. She has just released her first book, Secure Love, which offers couples a roadmap for building thriving relationships that last.
Our conversation covers a lot of ground, including:
- a deeper look at the fear of abandonment in anxious attachment
- key challenges of avoidant attachment
- negative cycles in anxious-avoidant relationships
- what to do when one partner doesn't want to go to therapy
- the importance of validating your partner's emotions (even if you disagree with their position)
- Julie's tips (as a mum of 6!) for raising secure kids
Buy Julie's book Secure Love on Amazon Follow Julie on Instagram @thesecurerelationshipVisit Julie's website
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about getting back together with an ex. Facing the prospect of rekindling after a relationship has ended can bring up so many conflicting feelings - longing, optimism and hope, together with fear, worry, self-doubt and anxiety.
In helping you navigate the messiness of these situations, I'll be sharing some good reasons and some not-so-good reasons why you might consider getting back together with an ex, and how you can best approach that decision to support yourself and your relationship going forward.
♥️♥️ VALENTINES DAY SALE: SAVE 50% ON HIGHER LOVE AND SECURE TOGETHER WITH CODE "BIGLOVE" ♥️♥️
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
✨ Last chance to join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge ✨
If you've ever come across standard "self-love" advice and it hasn't really landed for you, you're not alone. As great as it would be if we could all click our heels and achieve self-love, the simple reality is that for most of us, that's a far cry from where we're at - and if anything, the pressure to love ourselves can leave us feeling even more broken and hopeless.
In today's episode, I'm sharing four pillars of a healthy relationship with self, that go beyond "self-love". These are more concrete, actionable focus areas that you can explore as you build a stronger and more resilient sense of self, and in so doing, reap the rewards in your relationship with others. We'll cover:
- self-compassion
- self-care
- self-respect
- self-trust
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson and we're talking all about building self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence in the context of dating. Dr. Morgan is a licensed clinical psychologist, attachment theory expert, relationship coach, and author of the relationship self-help book, Love Magnet. She is also the host of the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast.
In our conversation, we cover:
- how insecure attachment styles fuel unhealthy dating patterns
- how low self-worth and a lack of self-trust impact our dating mindset
- common shifts that occur as you rewire old patterns and move towards secure attachment
- practical tools and tips for shifting your dating mindset and building a secure dating persona
To connect with Dr. Morgan:
- Listen to her podcast: Let's Get Vulnerable
- Find her on Instagram: @drmorgancoaching
- Visit her website: drmorgancoaching.com
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about why avoidant partners tend to struggle with defensiveness. While defensiveness is far from being the exclusive domain of avoidant attachment, many people will attest to the fact that avoidant folks are often quick to become defensive in response to relational tension or ruptures - and that this can form a key piece in the negative cycle of many anxious-avoidant relationships.
We'll cover:
- why defensiveness is a natural response to feeling attacked
- how avoidant partners can perceive relational needs and concerns as personal failings
- avoidant attachment and emotional expressiveness
- how you can start to relate to a partner's defensiveness with greater compassion rather than judgment and blame
✨ Click here to join the 28-day Secure Self Challenge ✨
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about comparison. Comparison is one of those things that we're all susceptible to at some point or another: we compare ourselves based on appearance, personality, success, relationships. It can sometimes seem like there's a neverending list of reasons to feel dissatisfied or inadequate when we look at our lives relative to someone else's.
And yet, while comparison is arguably a universal human experience, it's undeniable that some of us struggle with the comparison trap more than others - sometimes to the point where it feels debilitating and destructive to our sense of self.
We'll cover:
- why some people are more susceptible to the comparison trap than others
- how this tendency interfaces with other struggles like unworthiness, jealousy, anxious attachment, and fear of abandonment
- how building our self-worth can help us to shift focus away from others and build more genuine self-confidence
⭐️ SIGN UP FOR THE 28-DAY SECURE SELF CHALLENGE ⭐️
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about break-ups. Break-ups are one of the most challenging and sometimes destabilising emotional experiences we can go through, and there is so much conflicting advice and information on how best to approach the ending of a relationship.
In this episode, I'm providing you with some hard (but hopefully liberating) truths about the break-up process, so that you can make the most of the opportunity that your break-up offers to deepen in your self-awareness and your relationship with yourself.
DOWNLOAD THE FREE CLOSURE MEDITATION HERE
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
For our last episode of the year, I'm sharing my own story about the power of choosing courage over comfort and making bold, scary, uncomfortable choices in the direction of the life that you desire. So many of us cling to familiarity and the known thing, even when it feels draining and deeply at odds with who we want to be and how we want our lives to look and feel.
As we say goodbye to 2023 and enter the new year, let us reflect on where we are still hiding or avoiding in our lives, and what might be possible if we embrace a bigger, bolder, braver life that we can truly be proud of.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts about trust, risk and vulnerability. Many of us would prefer to trust only when we've completely de-risked or have some semblance of certainty that we won't get hurt, but unfortunately this is entirely at odds with the inherent vulnerability of trust.
We'll cover:
- why our fear will always keep us on the lookout for ways in which we might get hurt
- how trust and vulnerability interface with fear and risk-aversion
- why we need to let go of trying to control the future
- how we can start to view trust as a choice rather than a feeling
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're unpacking three relationship superpowers (which frankly are also life superpowers!). These are the skills and mindset pieces that I wish for everyone to be cultivating as they walk the path of becoming more secure in themselves and in their partnerships.
We talk about:
- discernment and self-trust
- the importance of humility and curiosity
- keeping things in perspective
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about the importance of self-care in a relationship, and how prioritising self-care can (somewhat counterintuitively) be far more nourishing and constructive for the relationship than being overly focused on the relationship itself.
We'll cover:
- why anxiously attached people tend to obsess over the relationship
- how neglecting ourselves when the relationship is under strain makes things worse
- why we should all be prioritising our self-care if we want a thriving relationship with ourselves and our partners
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional availability. Emotional availability is one of those terms that is thrown around a lot on social media - and it seems like everybody is on the lookout for the "emotionally unavailable" people that are to be avoided at all costs. But as always, I think it's important to approach these conversations with nuance and curiosity, before slapping labels on others and declaring them to be the problem. As we discuss in this episode, our focus on others' emotional unavailability can often mask the parts of us that are hiding behind inauthenticity.
We cover:
- what does emotional availability (and unavailability) actually mean
- why we might be attracted to unavailability in others
- how emotional unavailability can manifest differently for anxious vs avoidant people
- how our own unavailability might be impacting our dating patterns
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
✨ DOWNLOAD THE FREE PDF GUIDE HERE ✨
In today's episode, I'm sharing 10 tips to start healing your anxious attachment style. While "healing" is not something that really lends itself to a formula or a 10-step plan, having guided thousands of students through the process of healing their anxious attachment I can certainly attest to the key growth areas for most folks with anxious attachment patterns.
We'll cover things like getting your mindset right, learning about your nervous system, building self-worth, voicing needs and boundaries, how to have healthier conflict, and diversifying your life so you're not solely focused on your relationship.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment Black Friday SaleIn today's episode, we're talking all about people-pleasing: what it is, why we do it, and how it's different to "just being a nice person". For many of us, people pleasing is second nature. We are so accustomed to accommodating others and burying our own feelings and needs that we don't even realise we're doing it.
Unfortunately, this typically leads us to feel disconnected, lonely and exhausted - not to mention it usually backfires insofar as building healthy relationships is concerned.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the common question of why those with anxious attachment patterns are typically attracted to those with avoidant attachment patterns (and vice versa). As we know, this is a very common relationship pairing - which can be confusing when you feel like the challenges of that dynamic are at odds with your preferences and desires.
As we'll cover, oftentimes this is driven by subconscious patterns that propel us to recreate the familiar in a way that reinforces our core beliefs about ourselves and others.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm answering a listener's question of "How do I know if my relationship is worth fighting for?" This is a big question, and unfortunately it's one of those messy ones that no one can tell you the answer to. What's worth fighting for according to one person, might be simply too hard and too much for another.
We'll cover:
- fear of regret no matter what we choose
- focusing on what you can control
- how to do things differently rather than staying stuck in the same loops
🎉 CLICK HERE TO ACCESS PRE-SALE PRICING (40% OFF) FOR MY NEW RELATIONSHIP COURSE, SECURE TOGETHER 🎉
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about things that we need to normalise in long-term relationships. So much of the time, our expectations about our relationships - that they should be harmonious 100% of the time, that we should love everything about our partner, that we should never doubt or question our choices - leave us feeling confused and anxious.
When really, the problem is not with our relationship - it's with the pressure we've placed on our relationship to meet an unrealistic standard of perfection.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking about 5 things that secure couples do really well to build safety, intimacy and connection in their relationships. We'll cover:
- raising important issues and knowing when to let things go
- prioritising connection, play and intimacy
- validating each other's experience rather than needing to be right
- balancing togetherness and separateness
- engaging in meaningful repair when things go awry
⭐️ Get my FREE masterclass, Where Anxious Avoidant Couples Go Wrong ⭐️
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel and we're answering your questions about how we've navigated aspects of the anxious-avoidant dynamic in our relationship.
We talk about:
- doing "the work" individually and as a couple
- how we've built trust and safety over time
- how we manage conflict and have hard conversations
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about stress and the profound impact it can have on our relationships. We live in a world where stress is chronic and constant - and not only does that spell trouble for our health and wellbeing, but it can leave us feeling lonely, resentful and disconnected in our partnerships.
We'll cover:
- how stress can exacerbate existing attachment dynamics
- why we aren't designed for chronic stress and what it does to us
- how our nervous system's stress response affects our perception and our stories
- tips for managing stress more adaptively as an individual and within your relationship
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking about what to do when your partner doesn't want to work on the relationship. This is an incredibly common dynamic, to have one partner who wants to actively work on things and another partner who is more resistant (which can often overlap with anxious-avoidant dynamics).
We'll cover:
- why your partner might be feeling resistant to doing "the work"
- how different people make meaning out of needing to work on a relationship
- ways to dismantle fear stories your partner might have
- why it's entirely valid to value growth in a partnership
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about trust & trustworthiness. Trust is something that many people struggle with, oftentimes as a direct result of past experiences where trust has been breached. And as we'll discuss in today's conversation, trust is about so much more than honesty. My hope is that you'll walk away from today's episode with greater clarity about why you might struggle with trust, and the steps you can take to remediate this in your relationships.
We'll cover:
- the interplay between trust and trustworthiness
- the five pillars of trust
- how self-trust and relational trust are connected
- building trust through small acts over time
Click here for my Building Trust masterclass 💻
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're exploring healthy interdependency. Interdependency is often cited as a key trait of secure functioning relationships, and yet many of us lack a clear picture of what healthy interdependency actually looks and feels like - especially if you have a history of insecure attachment patterns.
We'll cover:
- the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence
- interdependency as a healthy middle ground
- how different attachment styles relate to codependency, independence and interdependence
- signs of healthy interdependency in a relationship
JOIN THE WAITLIST FOR MY NEW COURSE ON ANXIOUS-AVOIDANT RELATIONSHIPS
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts around anxious attachment & open relationships. While not being my personal experience, this is an area I receive a lot of requests and questions around, as various non-monogamous relationship structures grow in popularity.
We'll cover:
- common struggles of anxious attachment and how they might show up in an open relationship structure
- the importance of having a strong relationship to self when exploring open relationships
- communication, boundaries and self-advocacy
- why you should never agree to open a relationship just to hold onto someone
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Check out my couples course, Secure Together (& save $200 with the code SECURE)
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Understanding the 5 love languages can help couples understand the secret language in their relationship dynamics. In this episode, I’ll share how they play out with anxious and avoidant people and offer unique insights and practical tools on how you can share your love language with your partner so they can understand how to love you the way you want to be loved.
We’ll cover:
- The 5 different love languages
- The benefits of knowing your love language, and your partners
- How love languages play out in anxiously attached people
- A different perspective to avoidant love languages
Find me on my new Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/@stephanierigg/
Further Links & Resources
- Save $150 on my Higher Love break-up course with the code PHOENIX
- Follow me on Youtube
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Mismatched libido in a relationship is a challenge that a lot of couples face. In today’s episode, I’ll be answering a listener's question of how to navigate mismatched libido in a relationship, particularly in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. I’ll guide you on strategies to break the anxious-avoidant spiral, by initiating open dialogue and finding a middle ground between both partners.
We’ll cover:
- It’s not going to be 100% aligned all the time
- How sex shows up for anxious and avoidant attachment styles
- Taking someone’s behaviour as our own fault
Use the code PODCAST50 for 50% off the Sex and Attachment Masterclass - https://www.stephanierigg.com/sex-attachment
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Follow me on Youtube
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Retroactive jealousy is one that focuses on the past, fixating on other partners or stages in your partner's lives and being threatened by it. In today’s conversation, I’ll dive into how such jealousy stirs immense stress, but more importantly, we share insights into building healthier, more resilient relationships.
We'll cover:
- Impacting our self worth
- Looking for skeletons and reasons to not trust
- If you should share the jealousy with your partner
- Keeping yourself in an unhealthy loop
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Follow me on Youtube
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
With societal pressures and a ticking clock, being newly single in your mid-30s can be challenging. In today’s episode, I want to share advice on navigating being newly single and the mindset for dating, and honouring the desires you have without feeling hopeless or overwhelmed.
We'll cover:
- Grieving a future you thought you would have
- The opportunity for reframe
- Comparisons to other people’s lives
- Creating a full and vibrant life for yourself
Use the code PHOENIX for $150 off the Higher Love Course https://www.stephanierigg.com/higher-love
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Follow me on Youtube
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
As an anxiously attached person, space in a relationship can sometimes feel like the biggest threat. In today’s episode, I’m sharing my own experience with this and advice on how you can consciously choose space and separateness to foster greater intimacy in your relationship, especially in a time where you may feel more drawn to stay connected.
We'll cover:
- Wanting to close the gap and be closer
- Advice for how to reset and nurture separateness
- Things to do to focus on your own self-trust and security
- Creating a healthier, more balanced relationship
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Follow me on Youtube
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Looking out for someone who you care for that is going through a hard time is a challenge most of us will have to face in our lifetimes. But feelings of threat to the relationship, especially as an anxious attached person may come up in these times, and I want to help you navigate through these while prioritising your wellbeing, and not overstepping.
We'll cover:
- Monitoring your “fixing” the situation
- Ways to support someone and yourself
- How you can be a balanced supportive person
- Nothing changes, unless something changes.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Follow me on Youtube
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm answering your questions on the topic of break-ups. Break-ups are a universally challenging experience, and an area that I receive a lot of questions on.
So today I'm answering your questions on:
- what is a no-contact period and how best to implement it?
- when is it a good idea to reconcile with an ex?
- how to deal with guilt around knowing that I need to break up with someone but worrying about hurting them?
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Follow me on Youtube
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, we’re exploring long-distance relationships. Despite the old adage of “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, many people tend to really struggle with long-distance relationship structures.
We’ll cover:
- Why it’s normal and natural to struggle with long-distance
- How attachment dynamics can exacerbate long-distance challenges
- Tips for maintaining connection while apart
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, I’m answering a listener’s question on how to stop taking things so personally. This is something a lot of us struggle with, and can lead us to internalise others’ behaviour in ways that damage our self-esteem and exacerbate our suffering.
We’ll cover:
- Why you might take things personally
- The link between people pleasing and taking things personally
- How to approach these situations differently
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Ready to unravel the intricacies of attachment styles and their role in breakups? Brace yourself as relationship coach Stephanie Rigg takes you on a journey through the emotional labyrinth of breakups, particularly for those with anxious attachment styles. We'll shed light on why these breakups seem like an uphill battle and offer a peek into the mind of your avoidant-leaning ex-partner. As we decode these behaviours, we'll equip you with the tools to navigate through the post-breakup turmoil.
Let's dive deeper into the world of avoidant individuals in relationships. Discover how an overwhelming relationship might push these individuals to seek solace in solitude. We'll walk you through the emotional roller coaster that awaits an avoidant person post-breakup - from relief to sadness. This episode is chock-full of insights, strategies, and the empathy needed to help you make sense of the complexities of attachment and breakups. So gear up to gain some clarity and start the journey towards healing.
Use the code PHEONIX to save $150 off Higher Love - https://www.stephanierigg.com/higher-love
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Does ghosting leave you feeling anxious, confused, and questioning your self-worth? If so, you’re not alone.
Today, we're diving deep into this all-too-common dating phenomenon. We'll explore why ghosting occurs, the common impacts it has on self-esteem, and how to give yourself the closure and peace you desire.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my upcoming masterclass on Building Trust
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're diving deep on the abandonment wound - a fear that lies at the heart of many insecure attachment patterns and relational dynamics. A fear of abandonment can show up in so many ways, and can keep us from experiencing relationships in a way that feels trusting, safe and secure.
We'll cover:
- how it feels to fear abandonment in your relationship
- different forms of abandonment (physical, emotional)
- relational behaviours that a fear of abandonment can lead to
- the link between self-abandonment and a fear of abandonment
Last Chance For This Round to Join My Signature Program, Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment
Further Links & Resources
- Join Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today’s episode, we’re talking all about discomfort — specifically, why it’s so essential in any healing journey to reframe the way we approach and relate to getting uncomfortable.
Most of us recoil at the first sign of discomfort, preferring to stay squarely within the domain of what we know and can control. But this often means we’re confining ourselves to a very limited experience of what’s possible in our lives.
We’ll cover:
- Why we tend to gravitate towards what is familiar and known
- How embracing discomfort builds resilience
- Physical protocols for exploring discomfort
- Building our emotional capacity for discomfort
Join My Signature Program, Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment
Further Links & Resources
- Join Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Have you ever wondered why your relationship struggles persist, even when you love each other and have tried and tried to make it work?
In today's episode, I'm sharing three essential ingredients to make a relationship work. These are fundamental pillars of healthy, lasting partnership - and yet, for a lot of people, one or more of these puzzle pieces are missing.
We'll cover:
- the importance of structural compatibility (ie, wanting the same thing)
- being willing to invest in the relationship and the work it takes to make it thrive
- the issue of capacity and how to know when someone can't give you what you're asking for (despite their best intentions)
Join Healing Anxious Attachment here! 🎉
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Anxious attachment can be incredibly exhausting - but it doesn't have to govern your future. And in today's episode, I'm going to be laying out the path to healing anxious attachment, walking you through the core pillars of my methodology.
We'll discuss the importance of self-regulation and how we can start to build self-trust and safety from within rather than depending solely on a partner to make us feel secure.
We'll also delve deep into the core beliefs that drive anxious attachment, and how addressing these stories and wounds can liberate us from the fear of abandonment and feelings of unworthiness.
Join My Signature Program, Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Have you ever wondered why it can be so challenging to recover from toxic relationships? Why the drama and unpredictability leave you feeling more disoriented and overwhelmed than relieved? In today's episode, I'm here to guide you through this complex terrain. We'll unravel the dynamics of such relationships and expose the confusion, grief, and shame that often accompany them.
It's a hard road, but I'm here to help you navigate through it. We'll dig into practical tools to assist you in the recovery process, and learn how to move on in a healthy way.
We'll cover:
- why we can feel more confused than relieved post-break up
- how shame and isolation that can keep us cut off from our support networks
- why closure can be particularly elusive after dysfunctional relationships
Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment
Heal from your break up, build deep self confidence, and find healthy, aligned lovehttps://www.stephanierigg.com/higher-love
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Unless you're a true outlier, there's a pretty good chance you've had some experience with jealousy. And yet, as universal as it is, jealousy is possibly one of the most maligned emotions we can have.
In today's episode, join me on a journey to understand this complex emotion better and explore ways to transform it into a tool for strengthening relationships. We'll explore the various expressions of jealousy, ranging from the healthy to the unhealthy, and shed light on why it emerges, encouraging a perspective of curiosity and understanding over judgement.
Today's episode will also be beneficial for those grappling with jealousy resulting from a partner's past wrongdoings. Together, we'll learn how to create a safe space for addressing these feelings and communicating them respectfully. So tune in, and let's redefine your understanding of jealousy in relationships.
Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Ever been caught in that tricky situation of setting boundaries with an ex? Navigating this territory can be a daunting task at the best of times, and especially so when co-parenting or shared responsibilities are at play.
In today's episode, I'll be sharing some strategies for establishing and upholding boundaries with ex-partners that allow you to prioritise your wellbeing. I'll also share some tips on how to handle emotions that may surface during interactions with an ex, how to manage people-pleasing parts that want to keep everyone happy, and how to extract yourself from addictive but ultimately unhealthy dynamics.
Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Ever been stuck in a situationship, that in-between space where you're more than purely casual but not truly committed? In today's episode, we're unboxing this modern dating conundrum.
We're peeling back the layers of why we find ourselves in these non-committal scenarios, particularly exploring the attachment drives that can both lead to and exacerbate this dynamic. More importantly, we'll explore how to opt out of this challenging cycle and pave our way towards healthier relationships.
Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachment
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Are you feeling stuck in the perennial battle between seeking external validation and staying true to your authentic self? In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to detach from unhealthy people-pleasing behaviours that ask us to trade our authenticity for belonging and approval.
This episode challenges you to take a deeper look into your people pleasing tendencies, learn to channel them more intentionally, and cultivate self-worth and self-respect. The goal? To build an internal foundation that allows us to handle criticism and rejection without losing our sense of self.
Listen in as we explore the importance of cultivating conscious awareness around our patterns, discuss how to become more comfortable with who you are, and share practical tips to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Is your anxiety getting the better of you in the early stages of dating? Well, take a deep breath and let's journey together through this episode where we unravel the common anxieties in early dating, particularly for those with an anxious attachment style.
We'll delve into the raw aspects of why this period can trigger our deepest sensitivities and how we can make this an empowering voyage of self-discovery. From learning to stay grounded, boosting confidence, to finding joy in the dating process, this episode is a treasure trove of insights and advice.
This episode goes beyond mere dating advice. We'll explore:
- why it's problematic to completely alter your life for someone you've just met, and how it impacts the budding relationship.
- how to gain clarity about what you're looking for in a partner and a relationship, and how to articulate those needs effectively.
- the importance of taking things slow
- how to get comfortable with the uncertainty that is inherent in the early dating phase.
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Stan Tatkin is a prolific author of his new book In Each Other's Care and co-founder of the PACT Institute. In today’s episode, Stan joins me to chat with me about how we can experience conflict within relationships in a safe way and really build secure foundations in our relationships.
We'll cover:
- Launching into self-protecting patterns
- How regret can be a powerful teacher
- Understanding the couple bubble
- Accepting each other as who they are
- Being responsible for our partner
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In the absence of self trust, we see a lot of other dominoes fall in terms of self worth and self respect. This is something almost everyone I work with struggles with to some degree and it’s a challenging piece of the puzzle when it comes to our personal growth in relationships. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 3 tips for building self trust to help you to go out into the world and make aligned choices.
We'll cover:
- Knowing yourself and your values
- Trusting your own boundaries
- Finding others to sense check
- Knowing it’s not an instant fix
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
“Am I being reasonable” is something that I often hear and it’s important to remember that asking this is so contextually important. So in today’s episode, I’m continuing my series with the goal of helping you build the muscle of discernment and capacity for self trust in asking yourself the question.
We'll cover:
- Is it unreasonable to talk about the future - marriage, moving in, trips away?
- Is it unreasonable to want my partner to come back within 24 hours after a fight?
- Is it unreasonable when I ask my partner to think more about me in the relationship?
- Is it unreasonable after 3 years, wanting my partner to anticipate my needs without me having to request them?
- Is it unreasonable for me to want to spend 90% of my free time with my partner?
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Unless you’ve married your high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after, you have likely experienced a breakup in your life. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 5 reminders and ways to support yourself while you're going through a break-up.
We'll cover:
- The break-up is going to be hard
- Finding other support people
- Processing the break-up in anxious and avoidant ways
- Not making meaning or assumptions
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering why you keep attracting the same type of person, this episode is for you. Today I’m joined by Dr Scott Lyons to talk about deregulation of energy, attention and emotional expression and navigating addiction to drama. Dr Scott also shares a story about how he knew he was no longer attracted to unavailable people and why he walked out in the middle of a date.
We'll cover:
- Understanding the addiction to drama
- Common characteristics of someone addicted to drama
- Big emotions don’t equal vulnerability
- What your “spark” really is
- Finding people who know how to love
Find out more about Dr Scott Lyons - https://www.drscottlyons.com/addicted-to-drama-book
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
One of the things I’m most often asked is “How do I know if I’m being unreasonable in my relationship?”. This can be a really tough enquiry to determine for yourself, particularly when you’re getting a lot of pushback and self-trust may be lacking.
In today’s episode, I’m offering my take on your specific examples as to whether certain expectations, requests or situations are reasonable (or not), to help you to be able to build your discernment muscle and ultimately feel equipped to make that decision for yourself in your relationships.
We'll cover:
- Should someone text me everyday after 1 or 2 dates?
- Asking my partner to stop speaking to his ex because I compare myself with her
- Asking my significant other to not like scandalous or seductive pictures online
- Asking my partner to check in with me when they get home safely after drinking
- Wanting regular sleepovers when my partner sleeps better alone
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Anxious-Avoidant relationships present challenges with navigating the two different attachment dynamics. But, there are certainly gifts within that dynamic when the individuals involved are prepared to meet in the middle. Today I’m sharing what those gifts can look like, and tips on making the most of your anxious-avoidant relationships so that it can be healing rather than reinforcing painful patterns.
We'll cover:
- How each attachment style partner responds to stress
- Leading with compassion and care
- The work that needs to be done with both attachment styles
- Lessons and opportunities within anxious-avoidant relationships
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
This week, I’m answering the community question, “How do I get my avoidant partner to open up?”. I’ll dive into how to pave the way for more genuine, authentic connection and what that looks like for people with avoidant attachment styles and anxious attachment styles within relationships. We'll cover:
- Preferences of wanting to receive information
- Trust wounds in avoidant partners
- Self-serving behaviour that could be impacting this issue
- Insight into their experience
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
A couple of weeks ago, I shared my thoughts on if “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true, and today I’m continuing the conversation around the reasons why people cheat in a relationship and getting curious around what’s driving these behaviours. For some people this may be a challenging episode to listen to, so please make sure you’re in the right mindset to listen.
We'll cover:
- Wounds around worthiness
- Disconnection and loneliness
- Feeling like it’s the easy way out
- Being seen through rose coloured glasses
Use the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Vienna Pharaon has the gift of conveying complex and emotionally dense topics with such nuance. Today she joins me on the podcast to talk about origin wounds and how they impact patterns in relationships as adults and how we can honour our pain and experience.
We'll cover:
- What happens when you continue to hold on to the “I’m fine”
- The 5 origin wounds
- The resistance in opening up about our family dynamics and history
- What happens when we avoid being in pain properly
- Finding peace with the pain
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
When you really want a relationship, enjoying being single can be something incredibly challenging. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m diving into how to enjoy being single when all you really want is a relationship.
We'll cover:
- Owning your desire for a loving, healthy relationship
- Being grateful in the present
- What it means to actually enjoy your life being single
Use the code PHOENIX for $150 off the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com/higher-love
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I’m sharing five communication and conflict mistakes that I often see people making in relationships and what you can do instead to bridge a positive connection with your partner.
We'll cover:
- Why we shouldn’t avoid the hard conversations
- What happens when we suppress our emotions
- How to express your desires with your partner
- Why we shouldn’t expect our partners to be mind readers
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Cheating within relationships can cause so much pain, grief and sensitivity around betray and infidelity. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m sharing my thoughts on if people can really change if they’ve cheated in the past and advice for people in the situation with concerns that their partner may not stay faithful.
We'll cover:
- Learning from mistakes
- The messy feelings that lead to infidelity
- Tending to needs that aren’t being met
- Expressing self awareness and regret
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm talking with NY-based coach, teacher and speaker, Connor Beaton about the challenges men are facing in our modern society. Connor and I talk through how understanding the experience of men better, we can cultivate healthier relationships and happier and more fulfilled lives.
Note: while On Attachment aims to be as inclusive as possible, this conversation is focused primarily on male-female relationships and the dynamics that can arise therein. We know that's not everyone's experience, so feel free to take from this episode what resonates with you, and leave what doesn't.
We'll cover:
- Numbing out pain from childhood and using unhealthy coping mechanisms
- Stopping the cycle of running away from yourself
- What it looks like inside a relationship when men are lacking confidence & competence
- How vulnerability can be practised with men
- What makes a great relationship
Find Connor Beaton's work on Instagram (@mantalks), check out his courses and membership on his website, and be sure to purchase his best-selling book Men's Work.
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm unpacking the concept of "the one". When it comes to relationships, many of us have absorbed the conditioning that there is some perfect person out there for us - and our only job is to find them. This can lead us down a rabbit hole of doubt, comparison and low self-worth.
We cover:
- why the idea of "the one" is unrealistic
- how it can lead us to doubt our perfectly normal, healthy relationship
- the unexpected reason why we might seek out "the one"
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips on how to love someone well. So often, we think we are being loving towards someone - when really, we are pursuing our own agenda of loving them with strings attached. We love in order to get something in return, and then feel secretly resentful when things don't go our way. So instead, I'm sharing how to love someone in a way that feels pure and open-hearted.
We'll cover:
- the importance of gratitude
- voicing appreciation and recognition of someone's contribution
- how to accept someone rather than control or change them
- taking responsibility for your own happiness
- staying curious about your partner's inner world
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm answering the question of "How do I know if someone is avoidant or just not that interested in me?" This is a question I get A LOT - and the answer might surprise you.
I'm going to share a common misconception about avoidant attachment in early dating, as well as some hard truths about why we seek out people whose behaviour leaves us questioning whether they're interested or not.
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about nervous system regulation in the context of emotional wellbeing. As many of you know, I'm a big advocate of incorporating bottom-up, somatically focused tools and awareness as part of the bigger picture of growth and healing. And a key piece of that work is understanding how to understand and support your nervous system.
We cover:
- why a healthy nervous system isn't about being calm all the time
- how to expand your comfort zone and resilience in a safe, sustainable way
- how to make a daily practice out of nervous system regulation
- how to counteract feeling powerless and overwhelmed
- building a toolkit for nervous system regulation and self-soothing
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm answering the community question of "when is it a good idea to take a break in a relationship?" This can be a really tricky situation, particularly where one person wants to take a break and the other doesn't.
In this episode, I share:
- things to consider & discuss before taking a break
- do's and don'ts of taking a break
- examples of where a break can be healthy & productive
- navigating boundaries around taking a break (e.g. around duration, exclusivity, and intentions)
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm joined by Vanessa & Xander Marin. She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, he’s a regular dude, and they recently co-authored their first book Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, which became an instant NYT bestseller.
We cover:
- The five conversations you need to be having about sex
- Navigating mismatched libido & (perceived) sexual rejection in relationships
- How emotional intimacy (or lack thereof) impacts sexual intimacy
- What to do when sex becomes a heavy, high-pressure topic in your relationship
- How to bring back fun, play & lightness to your sex life
Follow Vanessa & Xander on Instagram @vanessaandxander, and tune in to their podcast, Pillow Talks, for totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more.
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm answering the question of why healthy relationships can feel boring - especially if you're someone who's accustomed to drama and chaos in your love life.
We'll cover:
- why unhealthy relationships are so addictive
- the principle of intermittent reinforcement
- how to navigate discomfort around stable relationships
- how to get your needs for novelty & excitement met in a healthy way without sabotaging your relationship
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, we're talking about how to leave a relationship from the perspective of knowing that you need to. Break-ups are hard - no matter the circumstances - and most of the advice tends to be directed toward people who've been broken up with, rather than those doing the breaking up.
We'll cover:
- why waiting for the "right time" is an illusion
- how to support yourself as you prepare for a break-up
- grappling with guilt around hurting someone
- how to cultivate healthy boundaries throughout the break-up
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "Can a relationship between two anxiously attached people work?". I get variations of this question a lot - basically, why wouldn't anxious and avoidant people save themselves the trouble by sticking to their own kind? Well, as always, it's not quite that simple...
We'll cover:
- why anxious and avoidant people tend to be attracted to each other
- the truth behind why "opposites attract"
- what happens when two anxious or two avoidant people date
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
Today's episode is all about the role of criticism in anxious-avoidant dynamics. Both anxious and avoidant people have been known to deploy criticism as a strategy to manage fears and self-protect in relationships - but this will often look different (and be motivated by different drives) on each side. One thing's for sure: no matter how it shows up, criticism is really harmful to relationships - so if this is something you struggle with, you've come to the right place.
We'll cover:
- how anxiously attached people use criticism as a protest behaviour
- criticism as a way to convey our hurt
- how avoidant people use criticism to sow seeds of doubt and create distance
- how to identify the needs underlying our criticism so we can communicate in a healthier way
Further Links & Resources
- Apply for my 6-month Homecoming Mastermind
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to navigate an all-consuming fear & paranoia around a partner cheating - particularly in circumstances where that fear is seemingly unwarranted.
We'll cover:
- the importance of nervous system regulation when we experience intense fear & paranoia
- when to talk to a partner about our fears
- the link between fear of cheating and low self-worth
- a liberating truth about control in relationships
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my signature 8-week course Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm speaking with Sarah Baldwin - a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach who is trained in Polyvagal interventions and is on the training team at the Polyvagal Institute. Sarah specialises in somatic trauma healing, attachment work, parts and inner child work and nervous system regulation.
We cover:
- why nervous system regulation is the missing piece in so much healing work
- understanding the different states of your nervous system
- the connection between attachment and nervous system regulation
- how to distinguish between anxiety and intuition
and so much more!
You can find Sarah Baldwin on Instagram (@sarahbcoaching) or at sarahbaldwincoaching.com.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my signature 8-week course Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this Q&A episode, I'm speaking to the common conundrum of what to do when you're feeling stuck in your relationship. This often happens when we've been trying for some time to make changes (or hoping that our partner will make changes), but we're just not seeing any progress. I'll share an unexpected way that you can shift out of low self-worth and hopelessness, and into a more empowered, self-confident state that will allow you to navigate whatever is happening in your relationship with clarity & trust.
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my signature 8-week course Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, we're talking all about needs - specifically, looking at some common reasons why you're not getting your needs met in a relationship. It's easy to feel defeated and hurt when our needs are going unmet, but oftentimes there's far more that's within our control than we might think.
We'll cover:
- the importance of identifying your needs
- how to communicate your needs to your partner
- mindset blocks around receiving and how these stops you from getting what you need
- what to do if your partner can't or won't meet you in your needs
Further Links & Resources
- Sign up for my signature 8-week course Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to bring up wanting to move in together with an avoidant partner. This episode will be super helpful for anyone in this same situation, or who is otherwise wanting to have a "what are we?" type chat with their avoidant partner.
We'll cover:
- mindset shifts for the anxious partner in approaching these conversations
- how to own your desires and feel comfortable voicing them
- how best to approach these conversations with an avoidant partner
- what to do if you're not on the same page
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In anticipation of the upcoming launch of my signature program Healing Anxious Attachment, today's episode is all about what changes you can expect as you heal your anxious attachment. I'll be sharing 6 shifts that you'll notice as you do the healing work and become more secure within yourself and in your relationships.
We cover:
- learning to observe your anxious thoughts rather than be ruled by them
- not feeling the urgent need to fix and problem-solve your relationship
- trusting that conflict isn't a matter of life or death
- building your self-worth
- learning to enjoy your own company
Make sure you sign up to the Healing Anxious Attachment to save $100!
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking about the difference between privacy and secrecy. Depending on where you sit on the attachment spectrum, you may have a complicated relationship with privacy - both your own and others'. We'll discuss where the line is between privacy and secrecy, and what to do if you find other people's privacy uncomfortable or triggering.
We cover:
- what's the difference between privacy and secrecy?
- anxious attachment and the need for information to eliminate uncertainty
- the trust wound
- avoidant attachment and protectiveness around privacy
- important caveats where there has been a known breach of trust
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 ways to support a partner with a fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment style. The fearful avoidant attachment style is often considered the most complex and challenging of the attachment styles, characterised by a conflicting push-pull between wanting intimacy and fearing it.
We'll cover:
- the betrayal wound and the importance of honesty & openness in building trust
- striking the right balance between compassion & firm boundaries
- how to make the fearful avoidant feel loved & appreciated
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this Q&A episode, we're talking all about moving on after a break-up. Specifically, what to do when we want to move on, but deep down we're still very much hoping our ex will reach out and want to rekindle.
We cover:
- the importance of allowing ourselves to feel our feelings after a break-up
- why we don't need to emotionally let go before moving on
- how to take action to support yourself after a break-up
You can download my free guided meditation on finding closure & letting go here.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, we're talking all about the stages of a relationship - specifically, what happens when we transition from the honeymoon period of a relationship (fuelled by chemistry, romance and infatuation) to the power struggle (where all our flaws and wounds come to the fore).
We'll talk about:
- what each stage of a relationship looks like
- why the transition from honeymoon period to power struggle feels like a bait & switch
- how anxious-avoidant dynamics overlay onto this dynamic
- how you can make the most of the power struggle stage & use it to grow closer as a couple
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, I'm answering the question of "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?"
We cover:
- anxious-avoidant sexual dynamics
- the sexual honeymoon period and what happens afterward
- why avoidant partners withdraw sexually
- how anxiously attached people use sex for validation
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, I'm offering 6 tips on how avoidant people can become more secure in their relationships.
We cover:
- the importance of getting to know your inner world
- learning to feel safe with healthy interdependency
- increasing your tolerance for disharmony and conflict
- getting curious about your triggers before acting on them
- communicating with words rather than actions
- the benefits of co-regulation for your nervous system
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing tips for initiating hard conversations with an avoidant partner. This is a question I get a lot - how to express needs to an avoidant partner, how to set boundaries, how to share feedback. These conversations are already intimidating for many anxiously attached folks, and when combined with the sensitivities of the avoidant partner, can be a perfect storm.
We cover:
- how to set yourself up for success in initiating hard conversations
- the importance of a regulated nervous system
- tips for reaching a mutually beneficial outcome
- how to cultivate greater safety during conflict & challenging conversations
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, I'm talking all about perfectionism - but probably not in the way you've heard it spoken about before. Perfectionism is often thought of as a personality quirk - a commitment to high achieving and having things a certain way. But when it comes to relationships, perfectionism can be a powerful protective strategy that keeps us from being seen and known as our authentic selves.
We cover:
- how anxiously attached people hold themselves to standards of perfection as a way to gain and keep someone's interest
- how avoidantly attached people use perfectionism & criticism as a distancing strategy to avoid intimacy & vulnerability
- what happens when these strategies collide in an anxious-avoidant dynamic
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally." This is a really common pain point for people post-break-up, so don't beat yourself up if you're in this situation (or have been there in the past!)
We'll cover:
- why it's normal to feel hurt by a partner moving on faster than we do
- why it's so important to monitor the stories we tell ourselves post break-up
- reasons why people process break-ups differently
- how anxious vs avoidant people tend to move through the break-up period
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In today's episode, we're talking all about emotional health & safety in relationships. If you've ever wondered what "emotional safety" actually means, look no further - we'll be discussing some guiding principles and questions you can ask to assess how emotionally healthy your relationship is. And most importantly, what you can do to improve the emotional state of your relationship - because let's face it, this is going to be a work in progress for most of us.
We cover:
- voicing needs, concerns & boundaries
- navigating life's challenges as a team
- ability to safely & effectively repair after conflict
- feeling loved, cared for & respected
- how your nervous system can give you insight into your relationship's emotional health
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
"We've been together a year and I've just seen he's still using Tinder. Can trust be rebuilt?" Today's episode is a community Q&A, and I'm answering a hard question about rebuilding after discovering a breach of trust.
We'll talk through:
- Things to look for when deciding whether to stay & rebuild after infidelity
- The importance of the other person taking ownership & responsibility for the harm caused
- What it really takes to rebuild trust
Recommended resources
- For a deeper dive on deciding whether to stay or go, check out Episode 19 of the show (Should I Stay or Should I Go?).
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 tips for rebuilding after a long-term relationship ends. Let's face it: break-ups are painful at the best of times. But when the relationship was a long-term one, it can be even more challenging to navigate our "new" life without our ex in it. I'll be sharing tips to support you through the life cycle of your break-up - from the initial grieving process all the way through to re-entering the dating world.
We cover:
- How to grieve your break-up in a healthy way
- Why it's important to have support people around you
- Using your break-up as an opportunity to spring clean your life
- How to step outside your comfort zone
- Tips for starting to date again
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, I'm answering a question I receive all the time which is: "How do I tell my partner they are avoidant so that we can start doing the work?"
We cover:
- The importance of being honest & self-aware about our intentions in introducing a partner to personal development work
- Navigating anxious attachment tendencies around the saviour complex, over-functioning and taking responsibility for what's not ours
- Why "the work" might look different for everyone
- How to approach conversations about relational growth in a productive, balanced & healthy way
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, we're talking all about apologies - and specifically, why they might feel so hard sometimes. Being able to apologise is so fundamental to healthy repair, but for many of us, can feel inexplicably challenging. After listening to today's episode, my hope is that you'll have greater clarity around why apologies can feel so hard, and how to address the underlying resistance so you can foster greater connection and emotional maturity in your relationships.
What we cover:
- Why apologies can feel so hard
- What to do when we feel unseen and misunderstood
- The difference between intent and impact
- How people-pleasing & perfectionism can hold us back from taking responsibility
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this week's Q&A episode, I'm answering a community question about the (very common) tendency to lose oneself as an anxiously attached person in relationships. I'll talk through why this happens so often and easily, and what you can do to counter it.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
We often speak about the many ways in which anxious and avoidantly attached people differ in their relationship styles. But in this episode, I'm flipping the script and highlighting some similarities between these so-called conflicting styles. We cover relationship fears, boundaries, vulnerability, conflict and more - and my hope is that you'll walk away with a greater capacity to approach yourself and the people in your life with curiosity and compassion.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this episode, I'm answering the community question of "I used to be anxiously attached, but after discovering my husband's infidelity, I find myself being avoidant with potential new partners. How do I find the healthy middle ground?" We talk about changing attachment styles, fear, betrayal and how we can start to create more safety more ourselves after we've been hurt.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
It's easy to feel overwhelmed and confused with the vast amounts of (often-conflicting) relationship advice going around - which is why in this week's episode, I'm calling out 5 pieces of unhelpful relationship advice, as well as some more constructive alternatives. I'll give my take on common advice like "never settle", "you have to love yourself first", and "when you find the one, you'll just know!".
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In our last episode of 2022, I'm sharing 5 pieces of life advice to help you enter 2023 with intention, inspiration and clarity around who you want to be and what you want to create in your life.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this week's episode, I'm sharing a trend I notice in people with anxious attachment as they move through their healing journey. I'm sharing my observation of three key "stages" or mindsets that people typically fall into, and which mindset will set you up for the most success in meaningfully shifting your anxious attachment style.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
In this week's episode, we're talking all about anxious attachment & inconsistency. Inconsistency is a real point of sensitivity for anxiously attached folks, and we'll be talking through what that can look like, where it comes from, and some tools and reframes to support you in navigating the ebbs & flows of relationships from a more secure base.
Further Links & Resources
- Join the waitlist for the next round of Healing Anxious Attachment
- Download the free guide: Attachment 101
- Follow me on Instagram: @stephanie__rigg & @onattachment
- Visit my website
This week is a Q&A-style episode, where I'm answering your questions all about anxious attachment! We'll cover what it actually means to "heal" anxious attachment, how to manage anxiety around texting someone, how to identify and express needs as an anxiously attached person, and how to deal with being on the receiving end of an avoidant partner's boundaries.
COMING SOON: Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment
A full list of links & resources can be found here
In this week's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips to help you process feelings of regret, shame and self-blame about things that may have happened in your past relationships. Regret can be so crippling, but it can also present us with a powerful opportunity - to reflect, to learn, and to do better next time - and today's tips are going to help you make the most of your regret rather than letting it get the better of you.
To shop my Black Friday sale (up to 55% off), click here
A full list of links & resources can be found here
Today's episode is exploring the topic of what to do if you want to heal & grow... but your partner doesn't. This can be a really challenging experience, and is particularly common for those in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. Fortunately, this doesn't have to mark the beginning of the end of your relationship - and in this episode, I'm sharing some mindset shifts and tips so that you can focus on your growth and trust that the rest will take care of itself.
To join my Black Friday Sale waitlist, click here
To join my Healing Anxious Attachment waitlist, click here
A full list of links & resources can be found here
In this episode, we're unpacking some of the common origin stories of each insecure attachment style. We'll look at what causes anxious attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment and disorganised/fearful avoidant attachment, with a particular focus on early childhood and family systems. Key themes discussed include inconsistency, emotional neglect, and chaotic home environments, and how each of these can shape the attachment blueprint of a child.
To download my free Attachment 101 guide, click here.
A full list of links & resources can be found here
In this week's episode I'm answering your questions - with a particular focus on anxious-avoidant relationship dynamics. We're discussing why people with an avoidant attachment style might use evasiveness or dishonesty as a distancing strategy, how to communicate boundaries around space with an avoidant partner, how to navigate trust & privacy, how to approach the topic of exclusivity in early dating, and what to do when your partner rejects your sexual advances.
Resources:
- Free guide: Attachment 101
- Sex & Attachment Masterclass
A full list of links & resources can be found here
This week, I'm sharing 5 tips to improve your relationship communication skills. Communication is one of those areas of relationships where most of us are running on a less-than-ideal autopilot. Fortunately, you can learn new communication skills quickly and easily, so that you start seeing immediate returns on investment in your relationship.
In this episode, we cover things like validating your partner, how to ask for what you need, and how to connect with your partner in moments where you're feeling overwhelmed rather than lashing out or shutting down.
A full list of links & resources can be found here
This week, we're diving into 6 signs that you're becoming more secure in your relationships. Often our attention is focused on what's wrong in our relationships - on where we need to be working to improve. So it's a refreshing change to be able to share with you some of the signs that the work is paying off, and you're becoming more grounded, confident and healthy in the way you relate to others and yourself.
We cover things like pausing before responding, not taking things so personally, not tolerating bad behaviour, and being more direct in giving feedback and asking for what you need.
A full list of links & resources can be found here
This week, we're talking all about self-worth. Self-worth is something I get asked about a lot - so I know how much people struggle with feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem. To that end, I'm offering you 5 ways to start building up your self-worth so that you can feel more confident and comfortable in who you are and what you have to offer.
A full list of links & resources can be found here
When it comes to building healthy relationships, all roads lead back to boundaries. In this week's episode, I'm offering 5 signs that you might need better boundaries. The truth is, most people have poor boundaries - whether that looks like saying yes when you really mean no, taking responsibility for other people's problems or emotional states, burning yourself out or failing to follow through on the boundaries you do set, this episode will point you in the direction of where your focus needs to be.
To sign up for my Better Boundaries masterclass, click here
In this week's episode, we're talking 5 reasons why you might be attracted to unavailable people. I'm constantly being asked the question of "Why do I attract unavailable people?" - but my response is always to ask instead "Why are you attracted to unavailable people?". We'll talk about negative core beliefs, family of origin dynamics, difficulty receiving support, saviour complexes, and more.
In this week's episode, I'm answering your questions around how attachment styles influence the way we relate to and experience sex. We talk about whether casual sex is a bad idea for anxiously attached people, why sex in toxic relationships can feel so much more exciting than in secure relationships, and how to talk to an avoidant partner about sex and sexual desires.
If you want to go deeper on this topic, make sure you sign up for my LIVE 90 min masterclass on Sex & Attachment. Click here to save your seat.
And if you loved this episode, don't forget to leave a review and a 5-star ⭐️ rating!
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 dating tips for anxiously attached people. Many anxiously attached people have a tough time in the dating process - becoming attached too quickly, overthinking, second-guessing, and having an uncanny ability to look past red flags and become invested in someone's potential. This episode will offer you some tips and guidelines to counter these very common patterns, so you can approach dating from a place of self-worth, self-respect and self-confidence.
Resources:
- Sign up to the Sex & Attachment Masterclass
- Follow me on Instagram
In this episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel to answer all of your questions about our relationship. We share everything from how we met to how we navigate conflict, our differing attachment styles and love languages, and what makes our relationship work.
If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could leave a 5-star rating and a review! It really does help so much.
Resources:
- Follow me on Instagram
- Sign up for my course on break-ups, Higher Love
In this episode, we're talking about whether it's a good idea to get back together with your ex - and under what circumstances. I offer you 5 questions for reflection before you make a decision, which will help you find clarity on whether it's really what you want or whether you are acting from fear, scarcity or unworthiness.
If you've recently gone through a break-up, make sure to check out my brand new course Higher Love. Early bird pricing (save $111) is available for the next couple of days.Click here to sign up for Higher Love
If you're someone with an anxious attachment style, there's a good chance you've really struggled to cope with relationship break-ups at some point in your life. And while break-ups are hard across the board, anxiously attached people tend to have an especially hard time wading through this emotional experience.
In this episode, I'm sharing 5 reasons why break-ups are so challenging for anxiously attached people. We cover things like the abandonment wound, the saviour complex, fear of uncertainty, and loss of identity in relationships.
If you're going through a break-up, make sure you're on the waitlist for my brand new course Higher Love which is launching on 29 August! Join the waitlist here.
In this episode, I'm answering all your break-up related questions! We're covering whether and when to break a "no-contact" period, how to navigate jealousy and comparison around an ex's new partner, what to do when you feel blindsided by a break-up and have no closure, and more.
Further resources:
- Download my free guided meditation on Finding Closure & Letting Go (and join the Higher Love waitlist)
- Follow me on Instagram
In this week's episode, we're talking all things closure: what it is, why it's so elusive, and why certain people are more affected than others by an ending that lacks closure. I'll also share some tips on steps you can take if you're finding yourself wanting (but struggling to find) closure after a break-up, so you can take back control and let go with grace.
Links:
- Free guided meditation on Finding Closure & Letting Go
- Follow me on Instagram
In this episode, we're diving into the challenging topic of how to know whether and when to walk away from a relationship that isn't working. I offer you five guiding questions that will lead you to greater clarity, insight and awareness in making the decision of whether to stay and keep trying, or whether it's time to go.
Click here to download my free guided meditation on Finding Closure & Letting Go
In this episode, I'm sharing with you 5 of the red flags that I see in relationships, along with their healthier, "green flag" alternatives. We'll talk through things like knowing where you stand with someone, communication of needs and concerns, trust and commitment, how integrated you are into each other's lives, and how you approach conflict (and repair).
To join my upcoming masterclass on How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships, click here.
Ever wondered what differentiates the fearful avoidant and the dismissive avoidant attachment styles? In this episode, I'm breaking down 5 key differences between these two types. We cover things like level of emotional attunement, relationship to boundaries, shame and guilt, and openness to personal development work.
Click here to sign up for my live masterclass "How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships"
In this episode, we're talking about anxious attachment, conflict & communication. We'll dive into why anxiously attached people struggle with identifying and communicating their needs, how to navigate conflict aversion fuelled by a fear of abandonment, and tools to navigate communication and conflict in your relationship in a healthier, more adaptive manner so you can avoid the cycle of resentment and rupture.
Click here to sign up for my live masterclass "How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships"
In this episode, we're diving into 5 ways to support an anxiously attached partner. This is a follow-up to our previous episode which discussed how to support an avoidant partner. We'll discuss things like openness and transparency as an antidote to uncertainty, how to manage your need for space in relationship with an anxious person, how to give them reassurance and help them to feel loved, and more.
In this episode, we're diving into 5 ways to support an avoidant partner - so that you can cultivate greater understanding and connection, and build a safe, secure relationship. We'll touch on whether it's a good idea to tell your partner that they're avoidant, how to communicate your needs in a way that your partner can receive them, how notto communicate with an avoidant partner, and how your partner's love languages might differ from yours.
In this episode, we're diving into the fear of rejection. Rejection is something so many of us struggle with, but for some people it can be really debilitating. We'll discuss how to navigate the fear of rejection and how this fear interfaces with other behaviours like approval-seeking and chronic people-pleasing.
In this episode, we're talking all things boundaries - what they are, what they aren't, how to figure out what your boundaries are and how to set and enforce them. We'll also discuss why boundaries are the antidote to people-pleasing, the saviour complex and burnout.
Click here for $50 off my signature 6-week program, Healing Anxious Attachment
In this episode, I'm giving you the lowdown on my signature methodology for how to heal anxious attachment. We'll discuss exactly what's involved in learning to shift from anxious to secure attachment, including reprogramming core beliefs and learning to regulate your nervous system. We'll also cover tools and skills like boundaries, communication and managing expectations.
In this episode, I'm offering 5 tips for processing and navigating a break-up. We'll be discussing topics like managing expectations around the challenges of a break-up, shifting how you relate to seeking closure, the stories we tell ourselves, and how to rediscover who we are after a relationship ends.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
In this episode, I'm diving into 5 steps to working through a trigger. I'll be discussing the importance of nervous system regulation to your healing journey, why talk therapy alone doesn't work, and what to do to self-soothe and self-regulate when you feel activated and overwhelmed so that you don't sabotage your relationship with unhealthy, fear-driven behaviours.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
In this week's Q&A episode, we're exploring a mixed bag of love & relationship questions. Topics include how to navigate conflict with a partner who won't engage, how to manage your anxiety when physically apart from your partner, why you might be attracted to unhealthy people, and what to do when you're one foot in, one foot out of a relationship.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
In this episode, we're diving into the anxious-avoidant trap - aka, what happens when an anxious and an avoidant person end up in a relationship. We'll cover what the anxious-avoidant trap usually entails, how these two attachment styles clash, why they're so often attracted to each other, and most importantly, how to make it work.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
In this episode, I'm answering your questions around how to navigate relationships with avoidant partners. We're covering topics like how to effectively communicate with an avoidant partner, whether an avoidant partner will ever realise they're avoidant, whether an anxious person can be in a healthy relationship with an avoidant person, and how to reconnect with an avoidant partner after a period of distance.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
Follow me on Instagram
In this episode, we're exploring 5 traits of the lesser-known fearful avoidant (or disorganised) attachment style. We'll cover the fearful avoidant's conflict between wanting intimacy but also fearing it, their combination of anxious and avoidant behaviours, their difficulty trusting others and fear of betrayal, their high levels of emotional attunement, and their struggles with self-sabotage, guilt and shame.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
Follow me on Instagram
In this episode, we're unpacking 5 traits of the dismissive-avoidant attachment style. We'll cover the dismissive-avoidant's fierce independence, their struggles with intimacy & commitment, their high self-esteem, their sometimes rigid boundaries and expectations, and their use of distance as a protective mechanism.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
Follow me on Instagram
In this Q&A style episode, we're diving into questions from the audience around dating - and particularly, dating as an anxiously attached person. Some of the topics covered include how to regulate anxiety around dating, how to manage expectations and let go of the idea of "the one", how to know when to stop giving someone another chance, and what to do when they say they don't want a relationship.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
Follow me on Instagram
In this episode, we're unpacking 5 key traits of the anxious attachment style - particularly in the context of adult romantic relationships. We'll talk about the anxious person's high need for love and affection, the fear of abandonment, struggles with uncertainty and inconsistency, overthinking, and jealousy.
Join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
Follow me on Instagram
Most of us have heard about attachment styles and attachment theory - but in this episode, I'm breaking down some common misconceptions and clarifications. Join me as we discuss things like whether attachment styles can change, whether you can fall into multiple attachment styles, and whether it's possible to shift from insecure to secure attachment.
Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment
Follow me on Instagram