The Mishna in Masechet Shabbat (34a) teaches that one must give his family three reminders just before the onset of Shabbat: עשרתם, ערבתם, הדליקו את הנר . This means that they should tithe all produce before Shabbat (as produce grown in Eretz Yisrael is forbidden before the tithes are taken, and tithing is prohibited on Shabbat), prepare an eruv to allow carrying outside, and light the Shabbat candles. Commenting on this Mishna, the Gemara cites Rabbah Bar Rav Huna as saying: צריך למימרינהו בניחותא כי היכי דליקבלינהו מיניה – one must give these instructions בניחותא , calmly and softly, so that he will be obeyed. The Gemara here in teaching us a simple but fundamental psychological truism: people are far more likely to respond favorably to words and instructions communicated בניחותא – calmly and softly – than they are to words spoken harshly and angrily. This message is especially relevant late Friday afternoon, when there is a lot to get done and people are likely to be tense and uptight. Particularly then, one must make a special effort to speak בניחותא , and the reminders of the last-minute things that need to get done before Shabbat must be made in a calm, peaceful tone, rather than shouting frantically from one floor of the house to the other. When Beneh Yisrael encamped at Mount Sinai and G-d asked Moshe to convey to the people His instructions in preparation for Matan Torah , He said, כה תאמר לבית יעקב ותגיד לבני ישראל – “So shall you say to the House of Yaakov, and speak to the Children of Israel.” Rashi, citing Hazal , explains that G-d here refers to two groups. The term בית יעקב refers to the women, and G-d commands Moshe תאמר – to convey His instructions to the women softly. But when speaking to בני ישראל – the men – Moshe is commanded תגיד , to speak in a somewhat sterner tone. Speaking softly is always important, but especially so when talking to women. And thus the Gemara teaches that on Erev Shabbat, when the husband reminds his wife about the last-minute preparations, he must be especially careful to speak בניחותא , softly and pleasantly. The importance of speaking softly is discussed at length by the Ramban, in his famous אגרת המוסר , a letter written to his son conveying his instructions for life. He writes: תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת לכל אדם ובכל עת, ובזה תנצל מן הכעס, שהיא מדה רעה להחטיא בני אדם...וכאשר תנצל מן הכעס, תעלה על לבך מדת הענווה שהיא מדה טובה מכל המדות טובות...וכאשר תתנהג במדת הענווה...אז תשרה עליך רוח השכינה... Always have the practice of speaking all your words softly – to all people, and at all times – and this way you will be saved from anger, which is a negative attribute that causes people to sin… And when you are saved from anger, you will engender in your heart the attribute of humility, which is the greatest of all positive attributes… And when you conduct yourself with the attribute of humility…the spirit of the Shechinah will rest upon you… The Ramban emphasizes that we must “always” speak “all” our words softly, to “all” people and at “all” times – repeatedly stressing that there must be no exceptions. He explains that speaking softly helps us avoid anger, the most dangerous of all character traits, and avoiding anger helps us develop humility, the greatest of all character traits, which makes us worthy of the presence of the Shechinah . It emerges, then, that speaking softly is what enables us to experience the Shechinah , as it leads us to avoid anger, which in turn leads us to humility, through which we earn the Shechinah ’s presence. The Tiferet Shlomo noted that this concept is alluded to in Sefer Bamidbar, in the story of the seventy elders appointed by Moshe to help him lead the nation. The pasuk says, ותנח עליהם הרוח – “the spirit [of Hashem] rested upon them.” The word תנח has the same letters as נחת , and thus alludes to speaking softly and calmly. It is this quality, the Tiferet Shlomo teaches, that allows the רוח , the spirit of Hashem, to descend upon us. King Shlomo teaches us in the Book of Mishleh (25:15), ולשון רכה תשבור גרם – “A soft tongue breaks a bone.” Meaning, speaking softly and gently can “break” even the sternest and harshest person, and cause him to become more flexible and agreeable. Rav Eliezer Papo cites this verse on several occasions in his Pele Yoetz , and emphasizes that this is especially true in our times (he was writing some 180 years ago), when even young children are not so receptive to tough, stern instructions. If we want to be effective in reaching people and having our guidance accepted, we need to use a לשון רכה – a soft, gentle demeanor. The Pele Yoetz calls this message סמא דחיי טוב – an elixir of life. Softly spoken words can lead even the toughest people to bend and yield, whereas harshly spoken words generally make them tougher. And thus at all times and to all people, as the Ramban taught us, we need to speak calmly, pleasantly, and in a gentle tone. After the Gemara cites Rabbah Bar Rav Huna’s teaching, it quotes Rav Ashi as remarking that he had not heard this teaching, but he figured it out on his own. Rav Ashi prided himself for arriving at this truism because it is so vitally important and profound, even if it sounds simple and straightforward. Rav Haim Palagi wrote that מרגלא בפומיה – there was a “precious jewel” that was often in his mouth – meaning, a precious piece of wisdom which he would frequently share, and that was to always speak calmly and softly. This is, indeed, a “precious jewel” because it spares us from the worst of all maladies – anger – and leads us to the greatest of all blessings – the presence of the Shechinah . This is especially relevant as we prepare for Shabbat, the time when we receive an extra soul and are to experience special closeness with Hashem. In order to be worthy of this experience, we must ensure to avoid anger and speak to everyone gently and with humility. We might add that in the summertime, although Shabbat preparations are not as rushed are they are during the winter months, there is often a lot of different things going on, as the various members of the household are involved in many different kinds of activities, which can add a degree of pressure and stress. Also, Shabbat in the summertime is frequently spent with relatives, such that two or more families are likely to find themselves under a single roof. This can result in a fair amount of noise and commotion, which, in turn, can increase stress levels. We must remember the Ramban’s timeless exhortation to speak calmly לכל אדם ובכל עת – to everyone, and at all times, and this way we will succeed in maintaining a peaceful, joyous atmosphere in our homes, so that they will be worthy of the presence of the Shechinah throughout Shabbat and throughout the week.